The Assassins Daughter
by A.Shamrock
Summary: *COMPLETE* Strange events leads to Rae's departure from the only family she's ever known, now she is in danger. Her story tells the tale of two generations of killers, the only one who can protect her now is Syaoran, her father, and the most dangerous of all. Now she must piece together her parents troubled past to understand who she really is to determine her on fate.
1. Departure of the Unwanted Kind

**Just saying it once, I do not own Cardcaptor, but I do own this story.**

**So with the New year I've started a new story :D**

**I ask you give it a chance to develop and I hope you enjoy reading!**

**X x x x x x x x x x**

_Identity, the thing that defines us. _

_It was something I always craved, to be someone. A name, not just 'another person'_

_But in some ways of life as I found out, identity is unwanted. To be another number, a ghost, a shadow unseen and unheard known to nobody can be most desired. But to be this nameless face has its consequences, an absence of the most wonderful sensations...love._

_But in this story, love finds it's way into even the most forbidden things. _

_I never thought I would seek closure on who I was. Not just in appearance and features, but in my heart. So here I lie, staring up into a crisp clear sky with a smile on my face knowing that I had indeed discovered what I desired. _

_And through the piercing sparkle of the stars I saw faces with a look I could not identify but I prayed they were smiling. _

_A foggy darkness began it's slow descend on my eyes but through this I saw something glow and flicker beautifully..._

_And again I smiled thinking that maybe...there was such a thing as happy endings in this cruel and grim world..._

x x x x x x x x x x x

As the rays of a grey, bleak morning hazily settled on my eyelids I knew, something bad was going to happen.

I guess you could call it my sixth sense, or maybe my scepticism. The alarm clock beeped eight a.m. on Friday, August fourteenth, my birthday. I was ridged in my bed and stared at the ceiling wondering where this feeling originated. Most of the time my keen senses were right, most of the time...

This feeling of uncertainty lingered as I descended down the stairs in my nightgown.

The house was cold and I shivered as my foot touched the last step. Outside there were no sounds of traffic, there never was. In our quiet little village foreign vehicles were rarely heard.

As I emerged into the living room sleepy eyed and drowsy I stopped before my foot stood on a sharp piece of glass. I gasped to see shards of glass scattered across the room. Our living room window now had a gaping hole through it where blossom trees were visible.

My hand flew to my mouth. With all my bewilderment I didn't even notice my aunt Tomoyo standing in the middle of this mess barefoot and glancing as if in a trance out the window clutching something in front of her heart. Her lavender hair spread across both shoulders and her eyes seemed lost as if searching for something. The wind blew softly through it to play with her hair.

"Tomoyo?" I asked edging my way towards her.

I didn't want to make any sudden movements in case I startled her thus causing her to injure herself on the glass.

She didn't answer at first.

I tiptoed to her side and saw the item she was clutching to her chest was a rock, probably the perpetrator to our current predicament.

"Aunt Tomoyo!" I said raising my voice.

She jumped but I caught her before she could hurt herself.

"Oh, Rae, I didn't see you." Her eyes which were usually dream-like were now dark with purple circles. I felt a panic build in my stomach. Her unusual manner scared me.

"Um… What happened here?" I asked taking the rock from her hands and examining it closely.

"Nothing," She said snatching it from my hands and tossing through the window. "Just probably an accident."

"I doubt it," I said with my temper beginning to flare. "I bet it was those bastard kids from down the valley. They can never leave anything alone. I swear Tomoyo I'll get my own back!" I said while grabbing a broom and sweeping up the shards.

"Don't speak like that Rae." She scolded but sounded very tired at the same time. Something was definitely wrong.

She touched my elbow gently. "Why don't you go get breakfast? I don't want the birthday girl to starve." Her smile cooled my anger for the time being. I hate how even though I'm fourteen she treats me like I was four. Always mothering me.

I gave in and let her finish cleaning up.

As I sat on the kitchen table I knew something was wrong. Maybe it was the disturbing silence between us, or maybe I was just being curious as aunt Tomoyo always said I was. Our house, which lay hidden behind a forest and nestled beside a river did not make a sound. Not even the floors creaked, or the birds sang. Just silence.

Aunt Tomoyo did not sing cheery nonsense songs or prattle around complaining about how I was too adventurous. She just sat there sweeping up everything with her mind elsewhere and her eyes narrowed in worry. I sat eating my breakfast examining the crime scene.

The impact on the window was too great to be a passerby or an accident. The distance from the window to the furthest shard told me that whoever did this certainly planned on doing it.

"How's the birthday girl?" She asked sounding cheerier than before.

"Fine." I said in a world of my own.

Though my aunt Tomoyo tried to resume normal manner I knew it was a lie. I saw through her disguise. Something was on her mind but for my own safety she chose to say nothing.

She took my bowl away from me and replaced it with a small cream cake.

'_Happy Birthday Rae'! _it read.

I smiled to see the effort she put into this. She stroked my long brown hair and lit a single candle on the cake.

My name was Rhaya but since I can remember I've always been called Rae. On legal documents I was titled Rhaya-Ying Fa Daidouji, but a Daidouji I was not. My surname was always a mystery never revealed to me. The origins of my relevantly un-Japanese name is unknown to me too.

"Make a wish sweetie." She said and planted a kiss on my cheek.

I looked at the flickering candle not truly believing that a pastry laced with cream and a wax stick could truly grant wishes. I was a scientific woman believing in logic and wanted an explanation behind every mystery.

But to keep the happiness on her face, I obliged and shut my eyes. To humour myself I even made a wish. I never wanted much in my life. I never wanted the materialistic things of most fourteen year olds. Though I was young people have always said I was light years ahead in maturity and understanding.

Although I will admit I did want a little more danger in my life. The adrenaline rush was something I craved for. This normal quiet life proved to be claustrophobic to me. Aunt Tomoyo frequently had to hunt me down after curfew or rush me to the doctors for yet another wound I gained.

But more then anything, if I had to admit something, I wanted my family. Not that Tomoyo wasn't enough for me, she was. But I wanted so badly to out a face to the two figures who brought my into the world. That's all I wanted.

So I closed my eyes and made a wish with every fibre of my body…

'_I wish I could see my parent…together…"_

She clapped her hands like a child, something I always loved about aunt Tomoyo.

"Happy Birthday sweetheart." She whispered and kissed my cheek.

It was on the tip of my tongue to call her 'mother'. But I knew that would cause her eyes to darken. Tomoyo was not my aunt in fact, I doubt she was any relation to me. But she was always there, my whole life Tomoyo was a mother figure to me. It was just us, her and I. I wanted so bad to call her my mother but she never allowed me to. She insisted on my calling her 'Aunt' Tomoyo.

'_One day you will meet your real mother…I don't want to take her place' _she'd often say to me. It was like she loved me as family but kept a certain distance between us. Not to say she made me feel unloved, she was always there and as my only family I loved her so much. That's why I knew she was not herself today…

She stood by the doorframe once again and not long became lost in herself. Tomoyo was always a secretive person. Not telling me about my mother, or my father, not telling me how we came to live here.

"We're going on a trip!" She said in a sudden excitement.

"What?"

"We can't just sit around here on yet another birthday! We'll go somewhere!" She ushered me out of my seat chirpier than ever before. I couldn't help but to notice the fake excitement that buzzed about her. I knew what this was, this was panic covered by fake enthusiasm.

"Aunt Tomoyo what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing now go! Go pack, everything!"

"Everything? How long are we going for?" I half-stumbled up the stairs but she stayed behind me until I emerged into my room. She swung my suitcase from under my bed onto the floor.

"Five minutes hurry up!" She said keeping that fake smile on her face. I was extremely worried now. Never in my fourteen years of living have we left the village. I lived here my entire life never leaving the two mile radius.

Aunt Tomoyo disappeared into her own room. As I gathered my belongings I pondered on where we were going. I became enthusiastic to think that I would be exploring another part of Japan. Maybe I was wrong, maybe Tomoyo truly did want to take me away for a while, maybe she was trusting me.

Outside the clouds of this morning became bleaker and grim by the second. I heard the wind whisper against the window, I only wish I knew if it were telling me if there was a danger ahead of me…

X x x x x x x x x

"Where's your bags?" I asked as she got into the drivers seat looking flustered.

"In the boot." She smiled and revved the engine.

I looked back at our house, the gaping hole act as an ever watching eye on us. I knew that this all had something to do with that...

As we passed the sights which were so familiar to me, the old church, graveyard, pass the river which I once thought was endless. My heart even began to pulse harder as we crossed the red bridge, I've never been this far out of the village before. I was introduced to new and unfamiliar sights until the forestry and lush green hills disappeared and we merged with other cars, other people going in different directions.

"Don't be scared Rae, they're people just like you."

I knitted my brows together and took a deep breath as she turned off to what I recognised from the television as the metro. It was bigger than I ever imagined and Tomoyo had to call me twice before I noticed that the car was parked acute to the station.

There were clusters of people who pushed and barged through myself but aunt Tomoyo held my hand as if I were a child who would wander off at any chance. She seemed to know exactly where she was going but I was too afraid to ask her where we were going.

"Wait here." She said as she walked up to the counter to get tickets.

I stood clutching my bag and watching the people go by on their cell phones or chatting aimlessly or scrutinising their tickets. I felt so overwhelmed being in such a heavily populated place. I've never seen so many people in one place. I didn't like it; suddenly I wish we were back at home, back in the quiet little valley which was so rarely disturbed.

"Come on," Tomoyo said grabbing my hand and directed me through the crowds. We stood on the platform waiting.

"Where are we going Tomoyo?" I asked and swivelled my head up and down the vacant metro line.

She didn't answer me.

When I looked up at her she bore a face of worry. She stared blankly into space with her lavender eyes dull and void. I've never seen her like this, she was always, as long as I knew her, a very cheery and energetic woman. Never has fear crossed her path. I even believed nothing scared her. She faced her problems head on but today, today something crossed her path that she never told me about. Something I sensed was dangerous.

Eventually I heard the low rumble of the train echo through the black hole.

Unexpectedly Tomoyo brought her arm around me and brought me into a tight embrace. Her sweet scent filled my nostrils. She kissed my forehead and I found myself bewildered by this action.

"You know I love you Rae don't you?"

I nodded and squinted in confusion. My heart leaped even faster than before.

"Yes Aunt Tomoyo, I love you too." I said this because it made her happy. She was my only family, I did not want her to be worried.

I didn't even realise the train had arrived opening its silver doors. The people all around me flooded into the train but Tomoyo stayed clinging to me and I to her.

"Tomoyo, where are your bags?" I said noticing she had none.

"Come on." She said placing a hand behind me and pushed me towards the crowd.

When I stepped onto the train I became immediately claustrophobic. I became consumed by the other people and I felt Aunt Tomoyo's grasp slip from mine.

"Tomoyo? Tomoyo!" I shouted over the mumbles of everyone else.

Assuming she got separated from me I clawed my way through the crowd stopping only because I reached the window and there was no where else to go.

"Tomoyo!" I yelled receiving no response over the cluster of noise. "Tomoyo!"

Then from the corner of my eye I saw her, standing on the other side of the window, still on the platform. Her posture straight and her lavender hair free on her shoulders making her distinct from everyone else.

I felt myself pale and tremble. Why was she out there? Without thinking I banged my fists against the window as if to get her attention when she was looking directly at me. Frantically I tried to scrape through the window. I needed to get out of here! I had to get out of here. But the density of the crowd confined me there.

"Stop! Stop the train! Please!" My voice was a faint echo heard by no one.

Tears formed in my eyes and Tomoyo became blurry.

Tomoyo looked as me almost on the verge of tears. Her face harboured a look of both relief and distraught. She locked eyes with me, as if she meant for it to be this way.

Her lavender eyes watered and her white hand pressed against her lips. She blew me a kissed and mouthed the words, "I'm sorry."

"Tomoyo!" I screamed and when the train began a very slow departure. "Tomoyo!" I screamed desperately.

She looked at me now with utter distraught but did nothing to recapture me from the train. She pointed with a slim finger towards her front pocket, indicating I looked at mine. Through teary eyes I looked towards my pocket to see a white slip of paper which was not there for jutting out from my brown coat pocket.

With shaking hands I plucked it from my pocket. She nodded and as the train departed I felt myself sobbing uncontrollably. Why was she doing this? My only family…she became a mere insect and I became swallowed into the black hole…

X x x x x x x x

The train rolled on and on but I stared blankly at the note.

Her handwriting was rushed, panicked, I suspected it was done this morning. My thumb stroked the page and I found myself in utter bewilderment.

_My dearest Rae,_

_Forgive me, but I cannot find the right words to explain my actions. I don't know where to start, and there is not enough time to explain everything. _

_For years you have asked me about your father and mother, about your origins and about my past. I wanted to tell you Rae. Believe me, I've often contemplated about it but I'm afraid it is not my place to tell you. It never was. I cannot tell you the reason why I have left you. But I can tell you that you are in great danger. The past of your mother, father and I have returned and has led to my decision to send you away from me, from danger. _

_For a long time I have sheltered you Rae, I have kept you safe for as long as I could but now I can protect you no more. In your bag I have left a sufficient amount of money and a new identification. Do not get of the train until you reach the city of Tomoeda. When there, speak to no one, trust no one and tell no one of your of your identity. Be subtle and draw no attention to yourself. Once there follow the address enclosed in this note. That address will lead you to your father. _

_I did not expect this day for so long Rae. It came too quickly, too soon for me to tell you your origins. I am so sorry for leaving you._

_Do not think I am abandoning you Rae, over the years I have thought of you like a daughter. I care about you so much and it kills me to have to leave you. But sometimes, in order to protect someone, you must send them to the most dangerous of sources._

_You are in great danger Rae, it is vital you reach this destination and it is important you hand your father the item enclosed in your bag. Now is the time to be brave, you are not in the valley anymore, you are arriving on dangerous territory. Please, survive for me. _

_Do not return back to the valley either, you will find I am not there anymore and certain death will await you if you return. Raising you has been the most rewarding experiences of my life. I just hope I loved you the way your mother would have wanted me to. _

_Until we meet again Rae,_

_Love you always,_

_Tomoyo._

Gazing out the window my eyes met new sceneries, new cities. People shuffled out and in the train going about their own business.

Tomoyo knew she would have to leave me and now, all the answers I prayed for would be given to me the most complicated of ways.

In my bag I rooted around to find a thick block of money wrapped by elastic string, along with that there were multiple id's, passports naming me from Elizabeth-Rae Sato to Rhaya-Leigh Osaka to Ying Fa-Rae Tanaka.

I couldn't believe this was happening! I would never see Tomoyo again! I wanted so badly to leap from the window and start my journey home. But I wouldn't even be able to navigate myself home. I don't even know how to get a hold of a taxi or a bus! I wanted these answers, but not in this way, never like this.

I suddenly felt completely hopeless. How could she have trusted me with this huge responsibility? I don't even know why she would ask this of me.

'_Do not return back to the valley either, you will find I am not there anymore and certain death will await you if you return.'_

I knew it from the second that I woke up something bad would happen and now look. If only I knew the extremity of it all…I could have stopped it…or could I? I should have said something to her, I should have forced the truth from her lips…But I didn't.

Hindsight is a great thing.

After reading over the note I accepted the fact that I had to do what she asked of me. What on earth troubled her so much to think she was in danger? What _did _happen in her secret past?

Tomoeda city.

Even a naïve girl like me unfamiliar to the surroundings of the world like I knew that Tomoeda city was notorious for its gangs, drugs and violence.

'_Sometimes in order to protect someone, you must send them to the most dangerous of sources'._

I wondered if these sources, in which she labelled as _dangerous _were my father. My father, something Tomoyo never spoke about. He was always a mystery left to my imagination. Never associated with violence, or drugs, and certainly not Tomoeda.

Within the front pouch of my bag something silver winked at me. I reached in and retrieved the item. A necklace sat in my hand with a small silver square attached to it. With closer inspection it had the initials _'S.K.103' _was imprinted on it. On the back read _'Xiao Lang'_

I gulped not knowing what any of this meant. I suddenly felt very tired and very, very alone.

X x x x x x x

I didn't awake until a woman small and old nudged my shoulder.

She was bent over with huge brown eyes and a wrinkled face much like many of the people in the valley.

"You've been asleep for a while honey, I was afraid you were going to miss your stop."

"Oh." I said and clutched my bag closer to my chest. "Where are we now?" I asked wiping sleep out of my eyes.

"We're coming up to Tomoeda city now honey, although I doubt that's you intended stop." She chuckled lightly and sat beside me when the seat became vacant.

"Thank you for waking me. I could have missed my stop." I said looking down at my hands. I avoided looking at her. I didn't feel safe anymore, and I didn't trust my actions.

It was four-forty five, but I felt like I've been on the train for days. "Tomoeda isn't your stop dear is it?" She asked trying to engage in conversation. Being fucking nosey more like….

When I didn't respond she made up her own conclusion.

"Oh why on Gods green earth would you want to go there? Don't you know what a terrible place that is? It makes my skin crawl to even think about that place. It's nowhere for a girl like yourself."

I gritted my teeth really not wanting a lecture from her. Being opinionated and short tempered I wanted to tell her this but I didn't, _'be subtle, draw no attention to yourself'_

Already I was struggling to cope with her wishes.

When the train came to a halt my jaw dropped when my eyes set sight on Tomoeda. Skyscrapers so tall I could swear they separated clouds. Masses and masses of people blundering about, cars that went on for miles and miles…I felt my stomach twist, this place was so big. I jumped out of the closing doors and before long the doors behind me shut and the train moved onto another destination.

I was like a child, lost and unable to find her way about. I was pushed and shoved even worse than before. It was like no one genuinely cared if you were there or not. I had to breathe; I pushed through the crowds until I was outside the station and less claustrophobic.

I retrieved the note and examined the address on it. My eyes scanned the city. There were streets leading in every single direction, some turning of to join with others and some that seemed never ending. Where would I begin? Even though I knew Aunt Tomoyo told me not to, I had to ask someone for directions.

"Excuse me do you know where…Pardon me would you know if….Excuse me sir could you help me…" No one stopped to assist me. They pretended I wasn't there no matter how much I persisted.

They either scowled at me for interrupting them, or snubbed me and continued to talk on their cell. Oddly enough most commonly used phrase aimed at me was, 'Go sell your drugs somewhere else lady!"

It was useless. Then I suddenly remembered the money Tomoyo gave me. Catching the eyes of a yellow taxi I ran for it and apprehensively tapped on the window to get the drivers attention. He averted his eyes from the paper he was reading. When he rolled down heavy puffs of smoke from his cigarette misted my eye sight.

"What? I'm on a break." He growled with his bald head breaking out into sweat.

"Please, I have money." I said showing him half of what I had in my bag.

He smiled widely and nodded. "Where do ya want to go?" He grunted putting out his cigarette.

"Um… Matsumoto Street." I said reading the last line of the address I said not wanting to give the exact location.

Whatever I said induced fits of laughter in him. "Listen girl do you know how many Matsumoto Streets there are in this city?"

I shook my head and bit my lip feeling stupid.

"Hundreds! And that's just in South Tomoeda." He laughed harshly at my naivety and snapped his paper back in front of him.

"Please sir!" I said drawing his attention back to me. "I need to get there, does this narrow down the places I handed him the address against my better judgment.

He examined it and after reading it his smirk wiped clean of and his mouth formed a small 'o'.

"Oh…_that _Matsumoto street."

"Yes! Do you know it?" I said thankful we were getting somewhere.

"Yeah I know it. But I don't care how much money you give me I ain't driving anywhere near that place. I've a wife and kids and I'd like to come home to them alive."

My heart sank in fear when he said that.

"You're not from around here are you?" He asked and I shook my head. "Didn't think so, look lil' missy why don't you just turn back around like a good girl and go home. What are you, another runaway?" He asked dismissing me.

"Please sir" I said nearly on the verge of tears from all the overwhelming events. "Can't you take me near there at least? This city is so big and I-I"

I was never one to cry ever, then again I was never thrown into a situation like this. I guess there's a time to start everything.

"Oh alright!" He said. "Get in the back, but I'm only taking you near it I'm not driving you to that address."

"Thank you so much." I said settling into the back.

The traffic was long and it took an hour to get halfway there. It was getting dark now, the clouds were turning a dark blue and the streetlight were one by one turned on producing an orange glow.

"I ain't taking you any further." He said.

I paid him grateful that he showed the smallest bit of kindness towards me. "Where do I go from here?"

"Follow that street there all the way to the end then take a left. Take the second right from there and you'll see a basketball court. From there you'll see apartment blocks, most of the derelict mind you and abandoned. That address should be one of those apartment blocks." With that he drove off not allowing me to even thank him again.

When I turned around I saw nothing but vacant bleak alleyways occupied with nothing but the frequent sounds of rats and other rodents. I pulled up the hood of my jumper and allowed myself to be swallowed up by the alley.

X x x x x x x x x

The traffic behind be became smothered in quietness.

My steps echoed throughout but I did not feel alone. You could call it my sixth sense again. I was never one to be afraid of anything before. Even Aunt Tomoyo said I was made of steel. Nothing fazed me. But I was under different circumstances now.

With trepidation I walked on keeping my head down and tried to remember my directions. I pasted the street and took a left, was it the first or second right? The first, no, second. I bit my lip and went with the first only to regret it twenty minutes later.

I was lost. Every street I went to looked exactly the same. Each alley not having much to differentiate between the others. I stumbled upon a place which was populated by a small amount of cars and people. I approached the street and looked for someone to ask. They must be from here, therefore they must know the address.

I stopped behind a woman in leather boots and a skimpy dress not leaving much to the imagination. The only thing to shelter her arms from the cold was a small tacky fur coat. She wore fishnet tights and I felt intimidated by this woman who dressed differently than most people.

"Um…excuse me."

The woman looked over her shoulder at me with a sceptical eye. She removed herself from the streetlight to face me.

"Why hello there." She said smiling revealing teeth with a hint of yellow, she was a smoker. Her brown hair was cut sharply at her chin and her cheekbones were pronounced mainly because she was so skinny and her skin seemed vacuumed against her face. "You're a little young to be requesting my services little boy."

"I'm not a boy." I said tilting my head slightly so she could look at me better. "I'm lost and was wondering if you knew where I could find this address." I said showing her the details.

I hated showing so many people where I was going but desperate times call for desperate measures.

With long rouge painted nails she took it from me to examine. She squinted a little as she read.

"God I really wish I brought my glasses to work more often." She mumbled.

After she read it I saw her eyes bulge and her forehead crease in worry.

"Oh dear, you don't want this address honey. I suggest you go home." She handed it back to me as if it were diseased. She turned her back to me once more and lit up a cigarette.

"I have no where to go!" I nearly shouted sick of people telling me what to do. "Please you have to help me. My family are dead and I need to find this place." I lied hating the thought of killing Tomoyo off in my mind.

Her lips formed a tight line. She took the address from me again. As I looked around I saw there were other women spaced around the large street dressed revealingly like this woman. They sauntered up and down the street but staying in their own segments. Some stood in street corners, others ventured out to the other side of the road. I then realised that this woman must be a prostitute.

When she looked back at me I saw a different look in her eyes. She even addressed me different.

"Why are you looking for Li?" She asked in a tight voice.

Li, I now had a name to place with the mystery man.

"What does it matter?" I said matching her tone.

"Listen um, what's your name?"

"Doesn't matter."

She smirked at this, "You may not from around here but you're smarter than most people who lived here all their lives. You remind me of someone." She scratched her head probably trying to make a link between myself and another prostitute.

"Do you know where this address is or not?"

"Yeah, I know." She glanced at the passing cars that stopped to pick up other women. "But listen, Li doesn't do that kind of work anymore, you understand? Last I heard of him he retired a long time ago." With that she showed me her back.

"Please. I don't care how dangerous it is, I _need_ to get there! I'll be alright. I have no where else to go! I'll manage somehow."

"I said that once and look at me now." She laughed. "Would you believe I use to be a computer genius?" I mentally dismissed that last comment thinking she was trying to mess with my head.

"Please…" I must have had a convincing look on my face because she opened her mouth to speak but she stopped when someone in a grey car beeped the horn loudly.

"Naoko, what the fuck are you doing? Do you think I pay you to fucking talk?" He roared from the car. "Beat it kid." He screamed at me. He clutched there steering wheel looking as if he would get rid of me himself.

"Give me a minute Yasao!" She scowled but still looked a little intimidated by him.

He grunted but continued to watch us.

"Ok go about six blocks that way then take a left, take a right after the basketball courts. I can't remember much after that but you'll find the number of the apartment when you get there. If you reach the canal, you've gone too far."

I thanked her and departed from her. "Be careful kid." She said with genuine concern.

"You know him, don't you?"

She shuffled awkwardly. "I did, but that was a long time ago. A lot has changed since then." She seemed lost in a trace before another car pulled up and she saluted me goodbye.

X x x x x x

She gave good directions. I emerged out onto a deserted basketball court. It was eerie and there weren't even nets on the hoop. There was litter and cars scattered across the torn up tarmac.

Only when I was halfway across the court did I notice a gang of hooded boys older than I surrounded around a barrel with fire in it. I suddenly froze realising that it was just myself and them. They haven't noticed me yet…

I treaded lightly but when my foot kicked a can I felt my heart briefly stop. The echo of tin on concrete echoed out and drew their attention to me.

They glared at me for a while before returning back to what they were boy kept his eye firmly on me before he caved in. If they planned to attack me the cold harshness of the air must have stopped them. I clutched the knife which sat in my pocket. Whether of not I was brave enough too use it would not be known until I was challenged.

I walked on keeping a sceptical eye on them. I hope they were not residents here.

For some reason that Naoko girl stayed in my mind. '_Now look at me_.' I'm sure once she was like me. Maybe more knowledgeable but similar to me. _Would you believe I use to be a computer genius?_

I stopped when I heard the sound of water. The canal….shit! Too far… now where do I go? I saw a warehouse at the bank of the canal. Above me the tick black clouds rumbles and produced light rain. I stood in the rain, which thickened around me.

Why Tomoyo? Why send me here? I was so fed up with it all. Today's events were taking it's toll on me.

I decided to take shelter in the warehouse. It was almost colder in there than outside. I saw my own breath form and condensate before me eyes. I slumped beside some metal barrels and buried my head in my knees which were shaking. Oh God I have to find this place, I had to find my father. Whoever he was, I wondered why there was so much danger associated with him…

But for now, I could not think, I could not even keep my eyes open.

Tomorrow I would find him… Tomorrow…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Sorry there's only traces of the other characters so far! This will be a story mainly going to be told by SakuraxSyaoran POV's.**

**Other characters will make an appearance it the next chapters. Hope ye enjoyed!**

**R&R!**


	2. Where it Began

**X x x x x x x x x x x**

It was footsteps that awakened me in the middle of the night.

When I pulled myself up I felt soreness in my back from sleeping on he cold concrete. The back of my head also ached from sleeping on the thinness of my hoodie. For a second I forgot where I was and squinted on the unusual surroundings. It was so cold here.

Footsteps echoed out side followed by voices. I tensed and scuttled further backwards to get cover.

"The what?"

"What do you mean; I shot the fucker in the face, done."

The other man laughed at this but I trembled even worse than before. I bit my lip and retreated further into the warehouse out of sight. The doors groaned as they opened and I heard the sound of footsteps approaching. I could retreat no more into the corner. I peered over the rim of the barrel seeing two men in suits walk towards the centre.

"So where is it?" One asked digging his hands into his pockets.

"In one of those containers," There other said crossing his arms and scanning the room. The dim moonlight revealed a gun in one of their belts. My heart thudded uncontrollably I was certain they could probably hear its faint beat.

I remained deathly still as one of them wandered over my way but stopped short about four feet. I held my breath and weighed my chance of getting out unseen.

"Fuck sake Takashi there's hundreds of them can you narrow it down a bit." He called out with his arms stretched out in frustration.

"She said it was the white one, that one" The man, Takashi said pointing at the containers at the top of the stairs.

"You sure? Cause I think that bitch is losing it. She's young but I think she's senile."

"Shut up and go get it." He commanded on which the other obeyed.

I slyly ducked and crawled on my hands and knees ignoring the stench of some odour on the floor. I tried to minimise the sound of my knees scraping against the ground. I grunted quietly as I made my way towards the dim light. There was a gap in the large door. My small fingers wrapped around it and began to slowly pry it open.

Glancing back behind me they still had their backs to me looking for the item. The gap became wider and wider until I could squeeze half my body through it.

I could smell my freedom when the creak of the door hinges echoed terrifyingly through the warehouse. I froze as I heard them stop in their motion.

"Who's there?" One of them barked.

I was clearly visible at this stage. They could see me in my hoodie trembling. In a blind panic I tried to rip the door open but whatever position it was in it was jammed and not budging.

I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder and drag me away. I kicked and screamed as I travelled further into the warehouse and further away from the door.

"Who the fuck are you?" He belted and ripped my hood of my face.

"No one." I stuttered not knowing what else to say.

"You will be in a minute." A creepy smile consumed his face and I felt sick to my stomach.

I felt the cold sting of metal hit my cheek only to realise it was a gun. He glared at me but then suddenly broke into laughter. He dropped the gun from my face so he could hold his sides. He continued to laugh but my eyes never left his gun.

"Some punk. Hey Takashi, It's a girl." I don't know what was so funny about my gender but it did distract him enough so I could wander away from him as if he wouldn't notice.

Gunshot.

I only recognised the sound from the t.v., and from the imitation noises of children, but this was very real. The first time I heard a gunshot, and my first wound.

I looked down and saw my ankle missing its flesh. Instead, there was a red hole, and it burned. I whimpered as I touched it and saw my fingers stained with blood.

"Aaaa." I whispered in pain. Now desperate I was on my hands and knees once more hopelessly trying to escape.

"Where you going?" He said grabbing my leg and reeling me back. He purposely hooked his fingers into my wound sending waves of overwhelming pain throughout my body. He dragged me back through my wound and I kicked once more not shy to release screams praying somebody, anybody would come to my rescue. I reached into my pocket and cried to realise to left my knife beside my other belongings.

I felt the gun on my forehead which forced me to stare into his eyes. He was going to kill me now. God I can't believe this is how it's going to end for me. I was so ashamed of myself, ashamed I would die after coming so little in Aunt Tomoyo's wishes. If I just stayed put, if I just chanced going home…

I heard the click of the gun echo in my head. Surprisingly I didn't cry. At that moment I just wanted to kick myself for being so stupid, for letting Aunt Tomoyo down.

The few second I had left went on and on.

Then there was the gunshot. The bang that sent shivers down my spine. I thought when you were dead you didn't hear the bang, and if you did it was only a split second. But when the gun slipped from my forehead I dared to peak up. He was no longer there. Instead he was slumped beside me face down with a pool of read spreading around him. I let out a cry and scrambled away from him.

He lay so still, disturbingly still.

"Who the fuck is there?" The other man named Takashi said holding out his gun and pointing it frantically around the warehouse trying to locate another.

I too looked around for whoever saved me.

Another gun shot sounded.

Takashi screamed in pain and dropped the gun. He gripped his shoulder which now oozed blood.

"Fuck you! Whoever you are fuck you! Stay away from our missions or I swear to God-"

The sound of another gun shot made in jump and race away. He stumbled down the staircase looking all around him still trying to locate the mystery shooter. He passed me only glancing at me once. I memorised his face, and he probably did the same.

He wasted no more time on me and with ease slipped through the gap I struggled with. His footsteps faded away until there was the silence.

I clutched my ankle trying to stop the blood from spilling any more. The pain was like thousands of needles stabbing me at the same time.

Then came more footsteps. From the shadows I barely made out a silhouette. It came closer and closer and at this stage I could only focus on the throbbing pain.

In the dim moonlight his hand became visible. I saw a gun smoking in his hand, the steam from it rose past his jacket sleeve. He retreated into the shadows, only to kneel down and reveal a face half disguised in shadows.

Some locks of brown hair hung over his amber eyes.

For a while he said nothing. He merely scrutinised me carefully, as I him. I could swear he was looking at me in some slight astonishment and surprise. You could hear a pin drop at the moment. I dared not speak for fear of what he might do to me. The dangerous look in his eye told me he has been in this situation before, and wasn't shy on killing. I felt uncomfortable. After a while I caved into his stare. I looked at my feet and ignored the vivid colour of red on grey.

The other man lay dead and his corpse sunk into his own blood.

"A-are you going to kill me?" I asked shuddering with the sudden cold and feeling the pang hunger.

He said nothing and flickered his eyes from my face to my wound. He wiped his face and I could see he was trying to make a decision.

"No." He answered in a raspy voice that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

I tried to stand up but halfway collapsed. He caught me a split second later. My leg trembled trying to keep steady.

"Where do you live?" He grunted and held me up steady. Was that supposed to be an offer to take me somewhere safe? Was this kindness? My mind could not even distinguish between kindness and lies anymore. To trust him for saving my life or fear him for taking the life of another in the process completely overwhelmed me.

I burst into tears with fatigue and exhaustion. This was becoming too much for one day.

"Nowhere. I've got nothing." I cried. "I just need to get there. I need to find him."

I buried my face in my hands and prayed I'd just wake up in my room thankful for Aunt Tomoyo's protectiveness, thankful that she never exposed me to this bitter cruel world.

"Get to where? Find who?" He asked raising an eyebrow. "Maybe I should take you to a hospital," He muttered more to himself.

"No, you can't." I said fearing I would be discovered and therefore completely destroying any chance I now had of finding my father.

He sighed and dragged his hand across his face.

I couldn't muster up words. The pain along with tiredness saw me loosing consciences. I felt the blood continue to drain from me slowly. All around me became clouded with darkness. If I never wake up, if I die in this cold, cold warehouse then that suited me fine.

So as I slipped into darkness I took in his face which bore pity on me. It made me think that maybe, maybe he would show mercy on me.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Syaoran's POV: Tomoeda City**

Stupid was not the word, idiotic did it no justice.

This was probably the most fucked up dense thing I've ever done in my life! What are you doing Syaoran? How could you bring her here? Out of all places in Tomoeda city this was the most dangerous of all. But I couldn't just leave her to die.

She begged not to go into the hospital; I saw the fear in her eyes. I should have ignored her and brought her anyway. By the looks of it she must be a runaway, bad home, beat by her dad. Or maybe sells drugs on the side, or robs liquor, jewellery or other valuable things.

She could just be like all the other punk kids out in this city struggling to not get shot, die or homeless.

I couldn't leave her to die. The gunshot tore ligaments in her ankle which would take weeks, maybe months to heal. She lost a lot of blood too which left her weak and ultimately her blackout. There's no way she's staying that long. No way. I'll give her two days before I kick her out. She may even want to leave herself tomorrow. Who'd want to stay here?

I squinted and tried to clear my thoughts. The fireplace lay empty and laced with soot for about three years ago. I slumped on the couch and placed my feet on the coffee table knocking over empty beer cans and bottles. The greyness of my apartment, if you could even call it that, was depressing.

So why her? Why out of all people did I save her?

I rose up and walked to her room slowly as to not wake her. The door was slightly ajar. I pressed my hand against it and slowly pushed it further. She slept so soundly you could swear she was in a coma. I placed her leg on a pillow. I bandaged her leg roughly. I was not a nurse, but it was the best I could do, she'd heal.

Her brown hair spread across the pillow and dark circles lay under her eyes.

Why her Syaoran? Why of all people did you save her? If it were any other kid you would have bandaged them up or left them to die.

I shook my head.

Who are you kidding Syaoran? You know exactly why you saved her. You knew from the moment you saw her. It was the fact that she had an uncanny resemblance to _her_. Her eyes were hazel but had _her_ shape. She looked so delicate yet had a strong vibe from her.

She was just like _her_ when she was younger.

Was it coincidence I found this young girl in the same place I found _her_? That's what shook me the most. It transported me back years to the point I felt like I was there sixteen years ago. I almost forgot to shoot the guy and save her. I don't know what possessed me to even go there that night? The place where it all began. But if I didn't, this girl would be dead.

I shook my head again and collapsed onto the couch with a beer. As I was surrounded in darkness I allowed myself to once again travel back to sixteen years ago, so much has changed since then. Since I was in my prime, respected and feared. Since the time I met her….

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x

_Sixteen years ago_

I tapped my foot impatiently and rubbed my thumb up and down my gun eager for event to proceed. God this was taking too long.

"For God's sake Syaoran will you relax?" Eriol said sitting calmly polishing his gun.

I steadied my hands and tried not to fidget but I was not one to be patient. We've been waiting two hours for him and there was not a sight to indicate life outside the warehouse.

"He's late." I commented.

"Maybe he knows he's going to die."

"Wouldn't he run then?"

"He knows we'd get him, there's no point running." Eriol said and loaded his gun.

He always had unbelievable patience. I was particularly inpatient tonight, I wanted this bastard dead so much I felt like hunting him down personally. My grip tightened around my gun.

"Syaoran, patience." He said noticing my temper begin to flare.

We both stood hidden behind giant containers which sat on top of the warehouse stairs. It was so cold but worth the wait. That traitor is going to die tonight. I saw my breath condensate before my eyes to form grey mist and disappear. I kept moving my hands to keep them warm. I pictured his face, an a bullet through his head.

"Do we have to kill him right away?"

"No torture Syaoran. Get the package, quick kill and done."

I rolled my eyes at his insistence of following the boss's orders directly all the time.

Finally in the deathly silence I heard him coming. Frantic uneven footsteps travelled across the alleyways and closer to here.

"Looks like someone's eager to die." Eriol said with an almost smirk on his face. He could stay calm and pretend he didn't care all he wanted, but I knew he was almost giddy inside to seek justice.

I sat up almost psyched up about this. Eriol mimicked my actions but suddenly froze.

"Do you hear that?" He asked.

"Hear wha-" He held his finger up to shush me and inclined his head downwards to listen cautiously. I did the same. Though it was faint I too heard a distinct sound of separate footsteps. They ventured closer and closer. Eriol's eyebrows knitted together and he looked at me mirroring my expression of confusion.

"The bastard sent someone to attack us." I said angered now that he would try and escape this one.

I lunged ahead thinking just out of fury. I needed to shoot something.

Eriol grabbed my shoulder and dragged me back into cover.

"Wait a minute." He warned me looked over his shoulder towards the entrance.

The warehouse doors were flung open and in he fell. He scampered inwards like the rat he is clutching his side and then collapsed in the centre.

Fujitaka Kinomoto.

"Please! Just listen to me!" He screamed at the open door towards his chaser.

Eriol raised an eye brow at me. He waved his hand down inclining we hid ourselves. Fujitaka resumed retreating backwards keeping an eye on the doors.

A shadow cast long and thin until the person came into view. Both Eriol and gasped in unison to see the shadow was of a young high school girl. She limped inside, her hair tousled and windswept but a mean look possessed her eye.

Her uniform and face was stained with dirt and traces of blood. Though the injury on her leg looked weakening she limped on getting closer and closer to Fujitaka, almost like a zombie.

"Listen? You want me to _listen?_ Did you listen to my mother and brother when you put a bullet through their heads? Did you? _Did you!" _She screamed deranged.

From behind her she pulled out a gun and pointed it at his head.

"You fucker! Why did you do it _why!_" She yelled with her voice breaking.

"I didn't do it, I swear I didn't, Sakura honey-"

"Shut up! Shut up never call me that! I'll kill you for what you did. I was there! There was no one else!" She shook the gun at him threateningly.

"You don't understand just listen to me I didn't do it I swear!" He curled up into a ball as if that would have protected him from impact of the bullet. God he was such a coward. Even in front of this small girl he acted like such a pussy. That's one of the main reasons why I hate him, just one of the reasons…

"Eriol?" I said ready to pounce and stop her from doing what she intended.

"Leave her for a minute." He muttered and studied her intensely.

I did the same. Something was suspicious about this girl. She had brown hair down to her shoulders and eyes so green I could even see them glow from up here. Her face was small, and her body was petite. The look of her with a gun was not well suited.

"She won't shoot." I muttered.

Eriol nodded in agreement. Just by looking at her stance I could see she has never held a gun before, and by the way she held it, she never used one either. Her aim was off as well but not so bad for a rookie. Her biggest mistake was her vengeance, it caused her to tremble with anger, if she controlled it her aim would be better.

"Please, Sakura."

"Just tell me why! Tell me the truth for once." She was now crying with her inner frustrations. The desire for death but the fear of aftermath split her in two.

Fujitaka struggled to make words form. He couldn't answer her.

"Fuck this, I'm not waiting any longer." I said loading my gun. I'm not waiting for this child to have her pissy fit only to probably accidently shoot herself.

"Syaoran!" Eriol whispered harshly and blocked my way. "Don't you know who that is?"

"I don't give two shits we're going to probably have to kill her anyway because she's involved." I shrugged and marched forward. Eriol, being as fast as lightning pulled me back before I came into view.

"Who's there?" She called out and averted her attention our way. She had good senses, I hate to admit it but I was impressed.

"Haven't you been listening? That's Fujitaka's daughter!" he said pushing me backwards. "That's-"

"Sakura Kinomoto." I said suddenly induced with shock.

I slumped against the wall not caring how loud I was. I furiously wiped at my eyes and let out a roar of anger followed by a hard punch to the wall.

"Who's that? Hello." She stuttered realising our presence.

"We're going to have to take her aren't we?" I asked biting my lip already knowing the answer.

"Yeah." He agreed with his mood also altering. "We need that last supply of Fujitaka or else or Meiling will have our balls." He paced around mustering up a plan.

"We can't frighten her or she might kill Fujitaka, then we're fucked. I'll try talking to her; you stand by and make sure she doesn't go to shoot." He went into the plan before even checking if I agreed.

I moved down unseen onto the bottom floor behind and kept my gun into position on her. Eriol tucked his gun behind him and came into view with his hands in the air.

She panicked and pointed to him. "Who are you?"

"Whoa calm down." Eriol said smiling winningly as if this were a picnic in the park. "What's all this about?"

"Get out." She said in a low voice but her knees trembled. "Get out!" She screamed when Eriol didn't budge.

"Look, I don't think you should be using a gun ok? Why don't you give that to me?" He held out his hand unafraid of the unpredictability of this girl.

"No." She resisted and I could see even Eriol was fed up with this. I admired her bravery but not her stupidity. By now she should have realised there was two of us. She needed to open up her awareness more.

"Look, this is no place for a girl like you." He said stepping forward past Fujitaka. "I recommend you drop the gun." Eriol was being serious now.

Even I jumped when she shot. She narrowly missed him but Eriol pulled a gun at her in a second. "Drop it." He threatened but still she held onto it like a scared little girl with no other defence.

"I have to kill him! I'm not going anywhere or doing anything until he's dead!" She said this with such determination.

"He will die, but we need something of him first."

Suddenly her green eyes turned sour. "You're one of _them_ aren't you? You're part of the reason for all of this!"

I made a move to adjust my aim but this motion caused my arm to knock over a brick which clanked of the concrete.

Shit.

She was as quick as lightning as she swivelled her whole body around and fired straight through my upper arm thus making me drop the gun.

"Fucking bitch!" I said aiming for her but unable to find any desire to hurt her. It was so easy for me then and there to end her life in a split second, but I didn't want to.

The desire to hurt vanished for a second. Eriol ran into her and with ease manoeuvred the gun from her hands. She made a run for the back door. At first I thought she wanted to escape but then realised it was Fujitaka she was going for. Eriol caught her and she struggled under his grasp.

"I'll kill you I swear I will." She screamed at him.

"Syaoran, some help?" He asked.

I ran to assist him ignoring the stinging pain in my arm. After years in this type of work you learn to push through this pain.

"Knock her out." I told him reloading my gun.

Eriol took out his cloth and placed it over her face. "Stop he's getting away." She said so angrily I thought she would chew through the cloth.

I scanned the warehouse and saw Fujitaka was gone and the back door swung open.

"I'll go after him."

"No you're injured take her." He said practically dropping her into my arms.

He dashed out after Fujitaka and left it with just her and I.

"Please," She whispered getting drowsy. "Don't let him get away." She chanted with a voice as sweet as music.

I don't know why but images of her dead by my bullet made my stomach twist. Her skin was marked with cuts and bruises. My fingertip touched these delicately. Her almond eyes were so perfectly shaped, as was the rest of her face.

She was definitely Nadeshiko's daughter.

It felt guilty to examine her so closely I felt I was committing a crime. She lay unconsciously in my arms breathing delicately and softly.

Eriol's footsteps caused me to retreat my actions as if I were guilty of something.

"He's gone." He said filling up with rage.

"Shit." I muttered. Meiling would never let this go. We'd pay for this.

"Well we're not going back empty handed at least." He said indicating at her. "Meiling can hold her for ransom of something.

"You think Fujitaka will pay money to save his daughter after she swore to kill him?" I asked scooping the girl, Sakura into my arms as if she weighed nothing.

"I don't know, Meiling will do something with her. It's better than nothing." I gulped out of pity for Sakura.

I looked down on her face with some desire to see the emerald green in her eyes again. Control yourself Syaoran! She's just a girl, dethatch yourself from her now!

"Quit drooling Syaoran, I don't think Meiling would be too happy about that." Eriol smirked.

I scolded him and tried to ignore his comment.

This girl impressed me. Though she had no knowledge, no background into this type of world, she was brave and willing to seek justice for Fujitaka's wronging in the past. But when I looked at her I felt something twist in my stomach. She had potential, could it be possible that she could be brought into this life?..The assassin's life?

I shook my head and dismissed my thoughts. It was too early to think about that…

Regardless that she was now to be brought into our world. Our underground city filled with violence, deception and treachery.

She'd never return to her old life after this. Things would never be the same again for her. This pretty young face would loose innocence and naivety.

She would be brought into the gang of _'Li'_

_Present Day_

It was sixteen years since that day.

The same warehouse, and I happened to be there. Was this a sign? Were all these years of loneliness thinking of her for nothing? Was it a sign to do something?

I gulped the last drop and placed the can gently on the table as to not wake the sleeping replica.

Maybe I'm delusional; maybe she has no resemblance, maybe… I'm just thinking wistfully…

As I fell asleep on yet another night of an unfulfilled life I could only hope that things would clear up tomorrow…tomorrow…

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Do you think I should continue? Again sorry for not enough of the main character's POV but there will be! :) **

**Anyway please R&R and don't be too harsh :) **


	3. Cruel Mercy

**I should be studying... But I suppose that can wait for a while :L**

**x x x x x x x x x x x **

**Rae's POV**

_Present Day_

_Location: Tomoeda City_

At first last nights events seemed to just be a terrible nightmare.

But when I did not see my green alarm clock sitting acute from my bedside, or my purple curtains hanging half closed I realised the dreaded fact that it was all very real.

The room was cold and there was a scent of beer, cigarettes something else unknown to me. I froze in the bed under the brown thin sheets and listened out for signs of movements outside the door. I came to the conclusion, that I was alone.

My bag sat on the chair across from me and my hoodie lay over it. Hesitant at first I slipped out of the bed and was quick to find my shoes and throw on my hoodie. Peeking outside the door there were still signs that I was indeed alone. My thoughts flew to the man last night who came to my rescue. I can't remember much after he stood by me, but I'm guessing he didn't take me to the hospital. I took a step out side the room I was in only to feel a surge of pain in my ankle.

I keeled over suddenly remembering my injuries from last night. Pulling up my trouser leg I saw my foot bandaged roughly from my toes to halfway to my kneecap.

Despite the burning sensation I stumbled on foreword with determination just to leave here. I stumbled by the kitchen which had a cooker that looked as if it were used not more than once. The counter top was littered with cigarette buds and beer cans which may explain the smell that lingered.

Poor light penetrated this place and illuminated it poorly. But right now that didn't matter; I had to get out of here. The air was cold in the hallway and then I realised these were old abandoned apartment blocks. I paid no attention to my surroundings but more on trying to decrease and avoid any necessary pain to me leg as I descended ungracefully down the stairs.

There was a surprisingly bright day. Despite that I tore my hood over my head and limped away. Unfolding the address I scanned its details. I came out to a clearing a bit away from the apartments. Far away I could hear the echoes of morning traffic signalling another chaotic day.

I took a deep breath to clear my thoughts. Looking down at the address I headed into the other side of the apartment blocks. Thank God they were clearly numbered despite their decay and rush. Who would live here? Apart from the apartment I just came from I'd rather live on the street than linger in these desolated blocks that seemed to be populated by a small amount of people.

There were a few people drifting across the footpaths going somewhere and paying no attention to me.

A few turns to the right and down a very long alley I emerged into a new part. I entered one building which looked more decent than the rest of them. I struggled up six flights of stairs, down a hallway familiar to the last one until I came to the address,

_54 apartment G,, district 19, Matsumoto Street, Tomoeda city_

My heart began to beat loudly and I found myself unable to act. How would I explain myself? How could I bring myself to introduce me as this man's daughter? What if he has a family? What if I'm bringing danger to them too…?

There were a lot of 'what ifs' but instead of pondering on them and making myself more nervous I took a few breaths to calm down. I wish I had Tomoyo's confidence. After another few moments of hesitation I brought myself to at least knock. It was a dodgy wispy little knock and I doubted anyone would have heard from the inside.

Before I knocked again I noticed that the door was actually slight ajar, tempting me. Having a trait for danger and curiosity of the unknown the less better part of my urged me to open it.

The door squeaked as it reeled back to reveal a sight the made my eyes bulge and my jaw drop.

It was the same apartment. The exact same place where I was taken. The same sofa, the same fireplace the same beer cans, the same…..smell.

I mentally kicked myself realising that I did a complete unnecessary circle around the whole district. After checking the address another six hundred times I accepted the fact that this was indeed…the home of my father.

That man…he…oh my God.

Feeling a mountain load of realisations running through my mind I sat down to try and examine my thoughts separately. Was this just coincidence that I ended up here? Coincidence that it was _he_ who had found me? I suddenly remembered Aunt Tomoyo's letter,

_Sometimes in order to protect someone, you must go to the most dangerous of sources_

I shuddered. This all came too fast. The man I thought was going to kill me was my…

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps rising from outside the door. They became louder as they neared me. My heart thudded so loudly that breathing became difficult. I flinched when the door opened and swung back to reveal him.

Only when he saw me did he freeze as did I.

For the second time we locked eyes. He was a tall man with a six foot two frame. His clothes looked slightly tattered but were shielded by his navy green coat. He had stubble which was mostly covered by his collar. I could only describe him as gruff. His eyes did burn with intensity and I noted that they were a shade lighter than mine. Though he looked tired and weary I could tell one he was a man to be feared when he was in his prime. But a series of events possibly crippled this spirit.

He stood in the doorway looking at me as if I were a burglar ten times his size. I suddenly found myself completely unable to speak or even find the suitable words to explain myself.

"You're still here." He half growled disapprovingly.

"Um…." I stuttered with my hands beginning to shake.

What should I do? I didn't know whether to say who I was because I got the feeling he wouldn't believe me…

His fingers clutched the bag he was holding tighter with every second I didn't answer.

"I-…I um…"

"This isn't a place for you kid now go home." He said stalking off into the kitchen area to slam the items in his bag on the counter. I noted he left the door wide open signalling I was not welcome.

Believe me, I wanted to leave. I didn't want to be here with him. I don't want to sound like a baby but…he really did scare me.

In shock I sat there staring at my palms wishing I was a smooth talker or that I had any ability to cope in these situations. The only thing I knew was to stay here at all cost. I peeked at him over my shoulder, either stay here…or he could kill me.

"You still here?" He said through gritted teeth and in a flash stood in front of me peering down with a mean eye.

Say something Rae! Say ANYTHING!

"I've nowhere to go!" I whinged while outstretching me arms.

Great Rae….extremely smooth….

"There's hundreds of kids with nowhere to go but you don't see me taking them all in. This isn't a fucking foster home so beat it!"

"Please I- I'll leave tomorrow! Just one more day," I looked at my cast. "Until the pain in my ankle goes down just a little….please" I tried to sound helpless but anyone who knows me knows I don't like to beg a lot and I especially don't like to sound helpless.

"Look I did you a favour by saving you, you could have died in that warehouse and I could have dumped you at the entrance of a hospital or the police station but I didn't. I gave you somewhere to sleep and stay for a night now don't overstay your welcome." He was seriously pissed.

"Just one night…" I said as my body started to shake with the effort of balancing on only one good foot.

I don't know what it was but for some reason he backed up and looked at me in the strangest way. Like he was scared of me…_me!_

Obviously that was not the case as I was only a quarter the size of him. I noted, though I shouldn't have been, that our eyes were similar. As I searched through his face I saw that that was the only thing that was similar to myself.

"Please. I won't be a bother honestly. I'll just sit here and be quiet. You won't even notice I'm here!" I pleaded through my eyes hoping, begging for some sympathy.

He stopped slowly retreating and paused for a minute. I couldn't tell him today…it was too soon. If I could stall for just a while…just another day to collect my thoughts on how to approach this…

I don't know why he was looking at me all funny like that. It was like he was caught in a trance that disturbed him…

"Why were you in the warehouse last night?" He cocked his head to the side and narrowed an amber eye at me.

"Um…I …I got lost and…I stayed there out of the rain." Most of that was technically true… "I'm looking for someone…"

"Well maybe you should go to them." He said tight lipped.

"I can't, they live on the other side of Tomoeda. I'll go tomorrow. My ankle hurts too much." I lied. I was getting myself in deep here.

He remained sceptical. Could he see through my lies?

Finally his face softened ever so slightly but kept sternness about it.

"Fine. But tomorrow you're gone understand? This isn't a place for someone like you."

I sighed in relief that I bought myself time. He backed away into the kitchen obviously not happy one bit about this. I saw him shield his body in front of the bag which added mystery to him.

"What's your name?" He asked not looking at me.

I felt I was being interrogated and not asked out of genuine interest at all. He had such a stand-offish vibe about him that welcomed no warmth. Would I ever have the courage to tell him? If I did…would he even want me?

"R-Rae." I said keeping it simple.

I tightened my fists and wished he'd react to that name. React as if it meant something to him, as if it reminded him of something…or someone. But he remained a statue not indicating that my name meant anything to him or brought back a past memory to him.

I thought I was going to cry, something I very rarely done. I haven't even told him… and already I felt like he rejected me. I truly wished it was anyone but him. Anyone in all of Tomoeda but him.

Just to make sure it was him, I dared to ask the next question.

"W-what's you n-name?" I asked holding in my breath.

I saw him stiffen and stop what he was doing.

"What does that matter?" He said being as stubborn as I was when I got here.

"Well…I could call you sir from now until tomorrow night but I know that bothers some people." I said trying to get somewhere with him.

"What do you mean tomorrow night? Since when did you put an extension on your stay?"

Maybe I was imagining it, but there was a slight hint of humour in his voice. It almost distracted me from what I was going to say.

"Sorry sir." I said slumping down into the couch wishing I could be swallowed into it. I was not strong enough for this. Aunt Tomoyo put too much on me. Though I craved danger, this was too much. This man would never believe me anyway.

Then, in the midst of my self-pity, a syllable was tossed across the room to confirm my suspicions.

"Li."

I bit my lip and placed a hand over my heart…Well Aunt Tomoyo…I got this far….

X x x x x x x x x x x x

**Sakura's POV**

_Present Day:_

_Location: ?_

I lay there on top of a forty story building flat out on the concrete.

I glared a green eye through the fat lens and observed my target. It the building a quarter a mile away my target laughed and mingled with guests completely unaware I was watching him, preying.

I took my time waiting for the signal.

A collage of every colour neon lights coloured the city. It reminded me of Tomoeda city, but I was a long way away from that place, from Japan.

I licked my split lip I kept my eyes sharply focused. It sickened me how people could live like that. Drug dealers and people from all sorts of other queer professions smile and chat with each other all the while plotting a way to either merge their businesses, or destroy each other.

The again I'm no better; I am their pawn in all of this. I am the person who makes sure things get done, and solves things that are overdue.

As the wind pushed against my hair I felt myself tranquil and for once in a long I thought of the past, of what I lost, of what I gave up.

I ran my fingertip along the scar below my right eye.

It was sixteen years ago today since my life altered. For better or worse I still don't know. There are times I wish I wasn't so vengeful, it was a crippling thing and possessed most of my life. Then again, it gave me determination to keep on living, defying the odds.

I allowed my memory to briefly flash images of my past life before my eyes, of sixteen years ago.

The first time I ever laid eyes on him, I was terrified. His intense stare burned into my skull. I still remember that first meeting as if it happened five minutes ago.

That day when I was determined to seek revenge, my justice. Fujitaka, my father was supposed to die that day. If _he_ wasn't there.

Syaoran, I loved him once, _once_.

Now…I loath him. He did something to me that I cannot forgive…

_Sixteen years ago_

I felt myself slowly ease into consciousness. Above me a dim light became visible. My head pounded as I squinted to make out the shapes around me.

My hand found my face and touched the stinging cuts which were now bandaged.

"Don't touch it yet." A woman's voice said coming from my left. She caught my wrist mid action. I shuddered under her grasp and panicked not having my full vision.

"Easy," she reassured and lightly pushed me back down.

In my confusion I lay there and let her dab my wounds. The sting was a distraction to the cloudiness I was feeling when finally, my vision returned to me.

On my left I saw a girl leaning over me with eyes of a subtle shade of purple. Her hair was swept back into a tight bun and when her hand appeared holding between her thumb and forefinger and needle.

I jerked forward and grabbed her wrist. In blind panic I pushed against her only to be restrained once again my the hands of a man.

"Calm down." He said with a restrained voice.

I recognised him but from where I did not know. I struggled against him anyway but he was too strong.

"Eriol don't, you won't get anywhere like that. " The man looked unconvinced.

I calmed down and stopped resisting. There was no way I'd get by him anyway. He released my wrists and stepped back keeping an ever watchful eye on me ready to pounce it I so much as moved.

The woman approached me again this time more slowly and dabbed my eye. I hissed in pain.

"I need to stitch up your arm ok?" She asked like a mother would address her child.

Without waiting for my approval she poked the needle through my skin and proceeded to sow it up. I felt only small pricks but paid no attention.

"What happened honey?" She asked with sympathy in her eye.

I opened my mouth and tried to explain, but I couldn't, what happened? Looking around I saw white containers polished so much that there was a layer of gleam on everything. I gulped when I saw scalpels lying as if part of the furniture on counter tops. I could smell sanitation products and assumed this was an infirmary.

"I-I don't know…" I murmured.

"You don't remember anything?"

"I-" I suddenly got flashbacks.

The body of my mother in the middle of the living room….lifeless. Mistaken at first for soundly sleeping despite the unusual surroundings. The furniture was disarrayed around the room and ornaments lay shattered life sharp white snow on the floor around her. But then came the trail of blood slithering like a snake and breaking off into independent trails which filled gaps in the floorboards.

I remember wanting to scream but was unable to utter a thing.

Then Toya, my brother, just short of three feet from the door. His death was slightly more brutal. The signs of struggle were obvious. He lay slumped, closed eyed with a look of shock seeming to still consume his face. His arm outstretched in what I assumed was a desperate attempt to escape. My brother, who always protected me was now lifeless and almost unrecognisable with his now white pasty face and blood splatter on his cheeks.

Then there was him, standing among it all as if he were shocked too. It was a good thing my mother told me where the gun was. My first instinct was to flee, to call the police and seek justice that way. But no, I may not have known everything about my parent's background, but I knew the law was on his side, he had connections. So I took it into my own hands. It's funny how in certain situations like that one can become ten times braver than normal. A high school girl like I seemed like nothing to be feared but even he saw I was possessed by a different type of rage.

I chased him through the house, into every room relentless but a series of sharp turns and a fist to the face slowed me down. I ignored his pleas for and his freshly conjured up alibi. I was seeing red and it felt like a demon possessed me and threw me into the pit of rage. The origins of most of my injuries occurred when he backed the car into me then skidded off. That only enraged me more to follow. How I knew it was the warehouse he was going to I don't know. I remembered being these a few times in my childhood. The rest was a blur, did I just black out? Is that why I'm here?

Then the door clicked. Just a glimpse at his six foot two frame brought it all back.

'_Fucking Bitch!' _

Him.

The one who eyes burned intensely. As soon as we locked gaze there was a shift in the atmosphere. His arm was bandaged and looked like a mere scratch compared to the ratio of his muscular arm. His look was intense but almost borderline glaring.

Feeling intimidated I blushed and looked away.

"What did she say?" The man called Eriol asked him.

I could feel his eyes on my face. "She's intrigued; she wants to see us when she arrives."

"So she's not pissed about Fujitaka?"

"Oh she is, but when I told her about," There was a pause, "This one," I assumed he was talking about me. "She agreed to see her."

"Poor thing." The woman commented and rubbed my arm as if we were close friends. Her kindness was unnatural contrasted to the rest of the people. "Does she have to go to Meiling?"

She seemed genuinely concerned for me. I feared this Meiling girl. The girl finished with my wounds and cleaned them off. She was so gentle in her motions and made sure to cause as little pain to me as possible. "My name is Tomoyo by the way." She said smiling softly.

"Come on it's late. You've been here a while." Eriol said approaching her to kiss the top of her head lightly.

She nodded drowsily and followed him out. She turned before the door could shut to smile at me and say,

"You need lots of rest." She said smiling gently. "And no running around." She said indicating to the brown haired man who smirked as a reply.

Eriol ushered her but was stopped by the other man.

"Meiling will be back soon, don't be late."

Eriol nodded but looked as if he was being sentenced to death. "I'll be there."

When he left I came to the terrible realisation that it was just him and I.

Immediately my head turned the other way to occupy my eyes with the wall. My heart began to pound. Before I had the defence of a gun, now, he was so much bigger than I remembered, stronger and meaner looking.

I heard something scrape along the floor and coming towards me. I risked a peek behind me and saw him plant a chair beside the infirmary bed. He sat on the chair and stared at the ground saying nothing.

Finally his eyes made contact with mine. He said nothing and let the awkward atmosphere drag on and on…

"Where is Fujitaka?"

"I don't know." I said honestly wishing I did.

"Where would he go, what contacts did he have in Japan?"

"I don't know! I never knew about his work ever. I just came home and my mother and brother were de-" I broke off felling my voice crack. What was going on? I just want to go home.

"What are you going to do with me?" I asked.

He bit his lip unsure and said, "We're waiting for the boss to arrive. She'll know what to do with you."

I gulped and didn't think of my future, it was too depressing. I felt the small vibrations drumming of his fingers on the chair. His eyes planted firmly on my face as if bewildered by something and I was convinced he was doing it on purpose.

"W-who are you?" I dared to ask.

The corner of his lip twitched upwards and stayed there permanently. My heart thumped extra hard to see this. Though I was afraid of him, his smile was sexy with a hint of danger. It was not appropriate time to be thinking these thoughts. I looked away for fear I would blush with him being so close.

"Li Syaoran." He said.

Syaoran… that name was familiar to me, but I could not place it.

I sat up and took a deep breath. He watched my actions as if fascinated.

"What?" I asked feeling braver.

"Nothing, you're just…a lot like Nadeshiko." He said with a hint of regret.

"How do you know her?" I stuttered.

He leaned in closer to whisper. "You didn't know an awful lot about your mother did you?"

I suddenly recalled the conversation from five minutes ago, and became enraged. They talked about me as if I were an object to be dealt with. I had to get out of here. Away from him, back home or something.

I hopped off the bed and trudged foreword. I was almost at the door when his arm looped around my waist and hoisted me backwards. Before I knew it I was placed back on the bed gawking up at him astonished that he lifted me with ease. I tried again but he stood in front of me like a pillar that could not be moved.

"You're not in a hospital sweetheart," He said looking down at me. "You can't just leave when you feel like it. Where are you even going to go?"

"Ho-" I almost said 'home'. But for obvious reasons that was not an option. I had no other family. No aunts, cousins… no one.

"Why, are you going to kill me?" It was such a stupid thing to say to someone like him. In fact as soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them.

"Now why would I do that?" his smirk extended and he cocked his head to the side.

I would have dashed for it again when the door opened. Eriol appeared again looking sceptical about Syaoran and I and they way we stood.

"She's here. And she's not happy."

"Give us a minute." Syaoran said briefly.

When Eriol left I backed away from him slowly with my heart racing.

"If you want to survive the next hour listen closely." His tone changed to one of seriousness and commanded my attention.

"Meiling is the boss, and a very temperamental one. This is a test for your life, if you say the wrong thing or anything she doesn't like then you die. No matter what she says to you, you do not reply unless spoken to. Only answer yes and no and no matter what, do not defend Fujitaka or Nadeshiko in any way, no matter what she says. Answer 'yes Meiling' when she shows mercy. You shouldn't die if you follow this."

"Why do I have to do this?" I asked.

He lowered his head darkly and said. "You're in the 'Li' Gang now. I'm doing you a favour by giving you a chance to live."

I shuddered unintentionally. The Li gang, the most powerful gang in Tomoeda. To think my mother had _any _part of this was insane. I now understood the seriousness of his tone.

The atmosphere shifted and made me tense. I froze and only moved because his hand pushed my forwards until my feet found motion to move.

Both Eriol and Syaoran followed behind me like bodyguards. Outside the door there was a hallway which seemed to stretch out for miles. As we walked on and on I thought about this Meiling girl. The way the two seemed to fear at the mention of her name made me nervous. I pictured her tall with a powerful vibe, and then I began to shake.

The dark orange walls ran alongside us and stopped abruptly at two huge brass double doors. What is this place?

Eriol stood in front of me to open the doors. I felt a shove behind me as Syaoran seemed half eager to get this over with.

At first all I was able to see was the massive window on the back wall stretching almost the length of the whole back wall. Bright lights of the city provided most of the light of the room. Then my eyes adjusted to the huge table in front of the window, and behind it sat a woman with her black silk hair falling over her face. She was hunched over writing something.

There was a deathly silence in the room. Eriol walked over and stood to the side of the table. The manner in which he did it told me this was a regular procedure for him. Syaoran stood beside me; his body heat provided some warmth to this cold dark room.

Neither of them spoke but simply looked up to the ceiling as if oblivious to the awkwardness. The woman continued to scrape the paper nosily and then it came to an abrupt stop.

Her voice came sharp when she placed down the pen. "Eriol, when I sent you out, what were your orders?"

I saw Eriol close his eyes as if to collect his thoughts, but when he opened them again he seemed more confident.

"Collect the package from Fujitaka, then kill him."

"Yes." She said and finally rose her head up slowly to reveal as face as pale as snow and eyes as black as an eclipsed night. Her eyes were scanning the document in her hands but her thoughts remained in the present conversation.

"And yet, you neither collected the package, nor killed Fujitaka."

"It didn't go according to plan. There were," his blue eyes flickered towards me for a second. "Interruptions."

I shuddered and looked down feeling like a huge inconvenience.

"So now you're telling me not only have you lost me twenty million, but a traitor is also on the lose, selling off _my_ goods."

Again, Eriol sighed and continued. "We didn't come back completely empty-handed."

"Yes." Her black eyes stabbed themselves with mine.

Inside I gasped at the impact of her stare, I suddenly felt cold. Though she did strike a domineering vibe, she looked small and doll-like compared to her huge surroundings.

She dropped the document and sunk her body into the massive chair. Her lips pulled back into a smile to reveal small white pearly teeth. My knees were giving way…

"The traitor's daughter." She said with distaste in her mouth. "Why on earth have you brought her to me?"

I wish I knew what she meant by that.

"We thought it was better to bring her to you rather than let her away."

She eyed me up and down and the leaned foreword onto her hands. "What the fuck would I want with Nadeshiko's little bitch?" She spat which induced anger inside me to hear my mother's name. I clenched my fists.

"Easy," Syaoran whispered. He was so silent throughout all of this I forgotten he was even there. I calmed a little and felt my chest tighten.

Obviously it angered her to hear that name too.

"I trusted that women and she turned around and sold us out. That fucking spineless _traitor_! And Fujitaka, that fucking bastard is going to wish for a slow death that rat!" With her last outburst she grabbed a nearby vase and smashed it against the wall.

I flinched but neither Syaoran nor Eriol moved, they were use to this. As white shards of porcelain scattered around the room I felt my stomach knot. She was psycho. How could someone loose their temper in five seconds of conversation. I wanted to run there and the but knew Syaoran would not let me get far.

"She was innocent Meiling." Syaoran said speaking for the first time.

The woman marched towards the window and was convinced she would break that too. "Nadeshiko deserved everything she got, and I hope it was a slow and painful death. That traitor deserved nothing more."

"Take that back!" I shouted from pure anger.

When the words left my mouth I felt like mentally kicking myself as I went against exactly what Syaoran told me. Everyone swirled their heard my direction in shock.

He eyes flashed in anger. Within a second she charged towards me and I was convinced she was going to kill me. As she closed the gap with a deranged look in her eye Syaoran's body suddenly shielded my view. He held his arm out to stop Meiling in her tracks.

I backed away wide eyed.

"Meiling wait." He said with a surprisingly calm voice.

She did so but kept her eyes locked on me. Her heavy breathing served as the only sound for a minute. "May I make a suggestion?" He said in a silky voice that lured Meiling's attention briefly.

"What?" She barked.

"Just listen to me…" Syaoran looked back to me with his eyes pleading with me to say nothing. I closed my lips into a firm line and looked at the ground.

"Meiling, Kinomoto is not like Fujitaka. She wants him dead just like we do. She did well to find him and her determination for his death should justify the need to kill her-"

He was cut short when Meiling raised a hand to silence him. "You want to recruit her?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"She's Nadeshiko's daughter, she possesses some assassin traits already. We've lost so many in the past year, we need to start recruiting."

I don't know how he did it but he distracted her attention from me. It was as if I weren't there.

"And I'm guessing you want to train her." She said sceptically.

"It's been a while since I trained anyone. This will benefit you Meiling, Having her on _our_ side and not with Tsukishiro."

Her eyes bulged and then her mouth twisted upwards with this thought that somehow benefitted her. Then as quickly as it came she frowned like a child.

"Are you sure there aren't other motives to this _suggestion_ Syaoran? No other intentions that could benefit _you_ by training her? Alone?" She said and once again eyed me up and glaring as she did so.

I shifted uncomfortably and felt myself blush in embarrassment that she would say something so openly like that. Syaoran didn't flinch nor show any sign's of embarrassment. Instead he took a confident step foreword, smiled dashingly that even I gaped ever so slightly. He leaned his head towards her and whispered something I could not hear.

Whatever words fell from his unnaturally good-looking smile made Meiling smirk and suddenly alter her mood. To my right I saw Eriol roll his eyes and avert his eyes towards the window. Though he was to far away to hear what was being said I got the feeling that this also happened before.

Meiling's eyes relaxed and she yawned as she retired to her oversized desk which she dissolved into.

"Fine, she can stay. It's not like she'd last that long anyway." She said sleepily.

I gaped at how her mood switched on and off like a light bulb. The way she could reduce these men into silence without saying a word. She was obviously a feared woman but could be slightly manipulated by Syaoran.

"Put some discipline on your rookie Syaoran, if she speaks out of turn again…" Her eyes pierced through me and I felt a cold silent message transfer across the room. A message that was understood. Then something clicked.

I don't want to be an assassin! In fact, I don't even want to be in Tomoeda city nevertheless in one of its most notorious gangs! But as I thought this I felt Syaoran lead me out and before I knew it I was outside the brass doors looking in at Meiling who never left my stare until the doors slammed shut.

I stood there gawking and wondering how the fuck I got roped into this. Syaoran stood there smirking at me humoured by my reaction.

"Why would you do that?" I said suddenly angered and stormed away from him with no idea where I was going.

"Because," He said easily keeping up with me due to his long legs. "Its what your mother would have wanted."

That stopped me in my tracks. Looking back at him he towered over me. His chocolate brown hair was messy and swept to side.

"You don't know anything about her." I said loosing my nerve yet again.

He leaned foreword and whispered, "I know more than you think. You're mother was an assassin here, and one of the best. I know, she'd rather see you here, than dead."

Feeling anger rise in me I swung for him only to be restrained and pinned against the wall. For someone who was so big his agility was astounding. I struggled but found soon it was useless to resist him, I was an ant compared to him.

"What if I refuse?" I asked feeling confident yet petrified.

He arched his eyebrow and without saying anything he pulled out a gun and rested if against my throat making me shiver.

"If you refuse, then we won't waste any more time with you."

I gulped from under them gun and though there was humour in his voice it was obvious that if he didn't get co-operation from me, he would have no problem unburdening himself.

"So what happens now?" I said slowly accepting the fact that I was powerless to make any choice of my own.

I sighed and his grip loosened and he retreated the gun. His cocked his head to the side giving me a profile of his chiselled chin.

"You don't die." He said though there was an undercurrent of seriousness in his husky voice. "I don't go out on a limb for most people and I certainly don't go against Meiling so, you're welcome for giving you some more time to live."

I was speechless at this. Why was he doing this for me? Why was he giving me a chance? There was no way someone like me could possible merge into the lifestyle he was asking me to, but then again…did I have a choice. All I wanted to do was to go back in time and stop all this from happening. I never felt more alone.

"Come on," He said suddenly and walked off in the other direction. "You've a lot to prepare before tomorrow." He flashed a smile at me and winked.

My life had been spared, I was given mercy but of the cruel kind. While I can be thankful now for being given a chance I don't know. Who knows how long I'd survive here. Maybe I should have just let Syaoran kill me…

Reluctantly I followed him and wondering if whether my life being spared was a good thing, or the beginnings of something very, very bad.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**I've got MORE exams coming up soon so I didn't update as much as I would have liked to… :/**

**Anyway, R&R!**


	4. The Traitors Daughter

**Syaoran's POV: Tomoeda City**

"So do you live here on your own?" she asked from the living room.

I bit my lip to stop myself from telling her once again to mind her own business.

"Yes." I answer briefly and continue to try and fix the sink.

"So you don't have a girlfriend or anything?"

"No."

"Don't you get lonely?"

"No."

She picked up a nearby can and examined it. "Are you an alcoholic?"

"Only on weekends." I said sourly with some humour she probably didn't pick up on.

My God does she ever stop talking? I couldn't believe that she's managed to stay here a whole five days. Every time I went to kick her out she'd say something to convince me to let her stay. I could picture my sister laughing at me, the once mighty Syaoran Li being persuaded by a child.

But every time I try and force her to leave…I can't. I hate to admit it, and I don't want to but she so much like… Sakura.

I want her to leave. By merely looking at me she brings back so many memories I tried to forget but at the same time, it was like I didn't want to forget. By sending her away would be to cast aside something that was once so important to me and maybe still is.

"Are you married?" She said limping around on some old crutches I found collecting dust in the spare room.

She could really do with her shutting the hell up once in a while.

"No and no so shut up and sit down. Walking around won't help your ankle." I half snapped getting frustrated at my ever-breaking sink.

The fact it ever actually had water running out of its rusted pipe to begin with was amazing.

She pouted for a split second at my unfriendliness but then snapped out of it and moved to stare out the window. She seemed to come out of her quiet self and emerge into a creature that talked non-stop and was un-fazed by my manner. She's definitely leaving tomorrow… definitely.

_You said that yesterday Syaoran, and the day before that, and the day before that… _a voice sniggered in my head.

In the midst of my frustration I stopped and caught her staring into the darkening evening and I swear it was déjà vu. The way her eyes had a dark shade cast over them in worry was like Sakura. She stood there as still as the walls around her seeming consumed in her own thoughts.

Sleepily she asked yet another question. "Do you…have any children?"

I squinted at the nature of the personal question but then again… none of her questions _im_personal.

"Does it look like I've any kids running around?" I asked focusing back on my original task.

From the corner of my eyes her head lowered sadly. This kid is a bit strange.

"So…you don't have any…"

"Shit!" I grunted when a bolt came too loose allowing water to shoot for my face. "Fuck, no kid I'm not exactly father material as you can see."

I got a cloth and dried my face questioning if it was really necessary to have a sink anyway. I didn't even notice she went silent.

I paid no attention and went into the other room to get more tools. When I came back she snapped out of her silence and beamed a smile that was frighteningly too familiar to me.

"I'm tired, goodnight!" She said and limped slowly by me.

I can't resist, though I really don't want to, it's for the best.

"You're leaving tomorrow kid alright." I tried to keep my voice solid and casual and resisted looking at her, if I did I would become vulnerable to letting her stay yet again.

She stopped in her crippled tracks and straightened her spine. Her head turned a fraction towards me and a small smile controls her lips.

"You have someone to go to right? Someone to take care of you, family didn't you say?" I tried to soften my voice as if I was doing her a favour which, I was.

No child should be staying here with me.

"Uh…yeah, family." She hesitated.

She sounded so hesitant that I became suspicious.

"You _do_ have somewhere to go right?" I said dropping my tools and arching an eyebrow at her.

"Y-Yeah I do!" She bit her lip and looked away, a sign that there was something more to that.

I stood up and towered over her. "Listen, you didn't make that whole story up did you?"

She shook her head fiercely that convinced me she was telling the truth to some extent.

"Then what's the problem? Why don't you want to go to them? And _don't_ give me the whole crippled excuse we both know that's a lie!" I became interrogative towards her.

Surprisingly instead of crumbling I saw something flash in her eye. She puffed up her chest and made firm eye contact with me.

"I have somewhere to go, someone to protect me but…" She broke off looking defeated. Her head hung so low her face wasn't visible anymore.

"But?" I asked determined to get an answer out of her so I could drive her there myself and be rid of her. "But what? You don't know where they live, is that it? no money to get there?"

She shook her head sadly and her honey brown hair fell over her pale face.

"They…they don't exactly know that I….that I'm here. And I'm scared that they won't….want me." Her whole body slumped downwards in a manner that depressed even me.

I sighed loudly and looked to the ceiling with my hands on my face.

Why, _Why _out of all the people in Japan does this have to happen to me? This type of shit is for a psychologist but not for me.

She continued to stare at the ground waiting for me to say something comforting.

"Kid I..."

Shit, what do you say in these situations?

"Look, even though you talk a _lot_, you wake at like six A.M., you eat all my food, make noise and hum these stupid tunes… you're an alright kid. And those people well…I'm sure they'll like you. If _I _think you're alright, then there's a billion per cent chance they're going to love you ok?"

I'm not getting soft, I'll just say anything to prevent her from crying, then I'd just have to drop her off the balcony.

Though they weren't the kindest word to say, it sure made her rise out of her worry.

"Y-you like me?" There was a gleam in her eyes that almost made me embarrassed.

"Hey I didn't say like I just said you were alright." I said defensively holding my hands out.

She smiled while looking at the ground as if embarrassed. I rolled my eyes wishing this awkward moment would just end.

"Thanks Li. Maybe you're right; tomorrow I'll tell them…I promise."

"I think it's for the best." I agreed thankful for her coming to her senses.

She nodded, "Me too."

With that she stumbled into the bedroom which ironically….use to be _her_ bedroom…

Rae was the first person to sleep there in almost fifteen years. Was it bad to allow her to stay there?

I stood there in the silence and wondered if wished hard enough that if I opened her door, I would see _her_…the woman I once called mine…

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Sakura's POV: Tomoeda City**

_Fifteen years ago_

"Where are we going?" I asked clutching onto the rucksack he gave me.

"Your apartment." He said briefly.

I knitted my eyes together and bit my lip. We were speeding through the streets of Tomoeda in a rather impressive black Ferrari. Orange and Yellow lights blurred into one and we descended in and out of various tunnels.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

I risked a glance at him seeing a smirk on his face as he drove. My heartbeat quickened as he leaned on the accelerator, the rising speed forcing my into my seat.

"Stop asking questions sweetheart."

I shivered as he called me that. He remained in the shadow of mystery and danger. How would this ever work?

I fought the urge to tell him to slow down but even if I did, I doubt it would have had any effect on him. I noticed out of the corner of my eye something on his shoulder. At first it looked like a bruise of maybe a past injury but upon examining it closely I saw it had a criss-cross design clearly marked on it with other features that I couldn't quite make out.

We pulled off the main road and into some apartment blocks. A few windows were lit and there were some movement and life on the streets even in this hour.

When he stopped the car I didn't know what to do with myself. Instincts told me to break for it again, to just run and never look back and not stop until a bullet pierced the back of my neck. But after another glance of Syaoran and I knew it was completely useless.

When we stopped I became frozen and unable to move.

He opened my door and leaned against the roof peering down at me with an arched brow.

"I do have other things to be doing you know."

"Sorry." I mumbled and wobbled out of the car with shaky legs.

He took my bag from me and with a gentle push guided me towards one of the buildings. With every flight we ascended I became more nervous. What was going to happen to me? It was just him and I; he could attack me at any point if he wanted to.

I kept a wary eye on him, especially his gun.

"This is it." He said halting in front of number 54.

I stood beside him imagining all the horrors that lay behind it. It seemed there were no friendly corners in this city.

After a few rough knocks on the door I heard a faint voice behind it saying, "I'm coming wait a second!"

The door opened and snapped to a halt by the gold chain. Behind it a light green eye poked through the narrow gap and settled on Syaoran. The girl slammed the door shut and reopened it fully a second later.

"What?" She said angrily as if we disturbed something.

She was wearing baggy black tracksuit bottoms with a tight black tank top. Her hair was a honey blond tied messily upon her head.

"That's a nice greeting to your only brother." Syaoran said with humour.

"You only visit when you want something so what is it 'cause we're kinda busy?" She said crossing her arms. Her posture mimicked Syaoran's with an authoritative vibe. Even if I weren't told I could have easily guessed she was some close relation to Syaoran.

Syaoran said nothing but merely took a small step to the side to reveal myself standing awkwardly.

The woman's eyes expanded and her jaw dropped subtly.

"So this is Kinomoto-san." She said with a friendly smile. Her smooth tanned face broke into a smile.

"Yeah, I figured she could get acquainted with her roommates. She starts training tomorrow so-"

"So you want to dump her on me correct." She said nudging him in a sibling-like way.

Then her soft eyes flickered towards me. "Hi, I'm Fanran, Syaoran's sister. Come in." She said taking me hand and guiding me through the apartment.

It was big enough but the most amazing factor was the huge ceilings and large windows.

I became awed and completely absorbed in it. The furniture was clean and the counters were filled with feminine pretty things that gave the impression that girls only lived here.

"Well this is the living room, that's the kitchen and over there crouching behind that huge computer is Naoko."

Only when I adjusted my vision did I see a brown head bobbing behind the computer screen. It stopped and looked up to reveal a slender face with huge circular glasses. They slipped off her nose and using her index finger she pushed them back up almost in a nerd-like way.

As soon as she saw me she jumped up and stumbled over a few wires and chairs.

"Um h-h-h-hi I'm N-Naoko!" She said with her voice quivering out of nervousness. She was dressed plain but cute and pulled nervously at the end of her sleeves.

"She a bit of a klutz too." Fanran leaned in to say. "Don't worry though she doesn't go on missions with us in fact she rarely leaves the apartment am I right Naoko?"

Naoko nodded and blushed probably embarrassed and shuffled on the spot. I got the feeling she wasn't use to outsiders coming in. I too, nervously looked down at the red rug beneath my feet.

"Um Y-yeah I mainly do the t-the comp-putor navigations, ,hacking s-s-s-etting up of –t-the monitors and d-designing new-"

"Who the fuck keeps using my shampoo? One of you bitches is paying for a new one!" Another voice screamed from the hallway. I jumped at the harshness of her voice.

"That's Rika." Fanran half-groaned and rolled her eyes.

Even Syaoran rubbed his temples and groaned.

I heard her marching closer to us. When she emerged she looked pissed off. Her ruby brown hair was curled and stopped just below her chin. Her blue eyes narrowed in anger.

She stopped in her tracks when she saw us. The scowl on her face formed into a flirtatious smile aimed not at me of course, but at Syaoran.

"And what do we owe this visit Syaoran." She said in a voice very different than before. She wore the same as Fanran only her top was shorter revealing her abs and curves.

"You didn't come just to see lil old me did you?" She said twisting with her hands behind her as if she were a high school student. I wouldn't go as far as to say she looked slutty, but she could wear a larger top.

Syaoran forced a smirk but even that was enough to satisfy her. It seemed Syaoran just had this effect on every woman.

"I'm afraid this is more of a business visit Rika." His voice was soft enough to make the person receiving the attention melt, and that's what Rika did.

Neither Naoko nor Fanran paid any attention to her. They must be use to this.

"You have a new roommate," He smirked and when Rika laid eyes on me her mouth twisted in disgust.

"You're fucking kidding me. I'm not sharing a place with Fujitaka's bastard!" She pouted like a drama queen.

This angered me to the point I had to hold out from lashing out at her. I didn't want to be even mentioned in the same sentence as my father. I could see it in their eyes; they all looked at me and saw him. My father must have done something to deserve their disgust.

"Oh shut up Rika just get use to it ok?" Fanran snarled and Rika became silent.

"If she touches my stuff I'll shoot her on the spot." she threatened though I couldn't judge if she were serious or not.

She stalked off sending a not-so-subtle wink to Syaoran. "Come back soon Syaoran."

Syaoran kept his smile plastered on his face but it disintegrated as soon as she vanished.

"I'm going to end up killing her one day," Fanran said rolling her eyes.

"Be nice dear Fanran. Where's the equipment?" He asked.

"In the kitchen, come on Sakura I'll show you your room."

Syaoran winked at me signalling it was ok to go with her. Even though I was terrified of him, at the moment I actually didn't want him to leave my side. He proceeded into the kitchen to inspect what looked like a rifle on the counter.

We walked through the sitting room past Naoko who had her eyes glued to the data glowing on her computer screen. I had the feeling that my presence didn't affect her as long as she had her computers and technology.

We entered the first room on the left. It was a plain room with white walls and a maple wardrobe sitting in the corner. The bed was low with thin brown sheets and a chair sat across from it. The medium sized window served as the majority of light as it allowed streetlights to flood through.

"Unfortunately you room it the only one that doesn't have a bathroom in it so you're going to just have to share with Naoko. We all take turns cooking except Rika of course. That girl wouldn't lift a finger to do anything around here. Getaway driving _sure_ but laundry, oh no God forbid she broke a nail…"

Fanran went on about the routine but all I could do was sit on the bed staring blankly at the floor feeling extremely home-sick. God, I'd do anything to be back home now with my mother…anything.

My train of thought broke when Fanran plonked herself onto my bed. She smiled sympathetically and looked at me with those eyes similar to the shape of Syaoran's.

I didn't know what to say so I remained quiet and hoped she would just leave.

"You know…Syaoran doesn't usually take any recruits…ever." She waited for my response as if I were meant to be honoured by that comment.

I pried my eyes away from her and looked down once more.

"I mean, he never likes the hassle of recruiting and mentoring. Can't blame him though, it takes up a lot of time and I guess you'll always be responsible for them to a certain point. Rika was his last recruit and she's the best damn getaway driver we ever had. After that he said he'd _never_ recruit again. Now…there's you!"

Again she judged my reaction but I could just stare blankly at her. Her lips formed a tight line and she sat up.

"What's on your mind?" She quizzed and twisted her finger through her honey blonde fringe.

"I…I…there's been a mistake." I admitted. "I shouldn't be here. I'm not meant for this life…" My voice was barely a whisper and Fanran lifted my head up to face her.

"Syaoran doesn't make mistakes. He choose you for a reason. You're a survivor." She said this with such confidence.

"Can I make a phone call?" I asked risking the calm atmosphere.

Her eyes turned a darker shade of green. "I don't think that's a good idea honey."

"Why?"

"Because I know you're going to try and call the police. If you did, that would make us, especially Syaoran very, very mad." She threatened in a very serious manner.

I gulped. I was going to call my neighbour for help. But Fanran's idea would have been better. The thoughts of Syaoran's anger aimed at me quickened my heartbeat.

"Besides," She shrugged in a cheerier voice. "If you even mentioned us to the police they'd hang up on you. Tomoeda's police force is just corrupt like that. They know better than to get involved with us. As soon as they see the gangs name on a report, they turn a blind eye and pretend it was nothing."

I thought I was going to cry. The weight of fatigue was overwhelming on my emotions.

I felt her hand on my shoulder comforting me. "Hey, it's not all bad. Don't worry; I'm one of the nice ones. I'll help you until you can stand on your own two feet." Her smile was comforting.

"What happens now?" I asked biting my lip and wanting to roll onto the bed and sleep.

"Well I assume Syaoran will start you training tomorrow. We wake at five thirty A.M. every morning and leave at six. Your uniform is in your rucksack. We all wear pretty much the same thing. Then after a few weeks when Syaoran thinks you're ready you'll have your first mission a.k.a your test. Then after you pass that you'll have the initiation, that usually takes a few days to recover from and then, well then its plain sailing from there. Oh and surviving I suppose will be your aim from then." She rolled onto her back and inspected her fingernails.

I didn't know how to take that. I gave me confidence the way she said _when _I pass this test and not _if._

"What if I fail? What if I'm not what people expect I am?"

Fanran almost looked exhausted from my negativity. She pinched the bridge of her nose and squinted.

"Look maybe you should rest. You've had a long day." She said rolling off the bed and yawning.

"You'll be fine." She assured and left the door ajar.

As she left I caught sight of something on her shoulder. It was the same mark Syaoran had. It was a cross and in the centre the word 'Li' sat. The rest I couldn't make out. I thought it was a tattoo but it resembled more like a scar.

I buried my face in my hands. Maybe she was right. Maybe somehow tomorrow would look better…maybe.

The bed sank beside me with the weight of another person. I peeked up at him and he had an expressionless face.

"I'm leaving now, but I'll be back tomorrow. That's when your training starts."

I bowed my head and agreed terrified to dare challenge him.

He did the most unexpected thing and half wrapped his huge arm around me and pulled me into his shoulder. His warmth took me by surprise and I gasped not knowing how to respond to this.

His lips bowed down into my ear and whispered so low it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

"You can cry tonight to your hearts content. But after that, you may never cry again. This is the only compassion I will ever show you. After tonight you will carry on from your mothers work, and focus on getting revenge for her murder."

My ears perked up at what he said. For a moment I stayed awkwardly in that position in his shoulder thinking about the fact that my last ever hug would probably be from him, a man of little compassion…

"Why am I hated so much?" I asked biting my lip.

"Your father betrayed us all, and blamed your mother." He said with an ice cold voice.

"I don't understand." I said raising my head up to look him in the eye. "What exactly did he do?"

He sighed and looked at his hands deliberating.

"Fujitaka leaked information about us to our rival gang. He cost us money and innocent lives. When we got on to him about it, he cleverly covered it up and put the blame on Nadeshiko." He clenched his hands obviously still angry over the events.

"His story made sense; your mother assisted on negotiations between the gangs so it would have been easy for her to leak information on our drug imports."

"So he shot my mother so she couldn't defend herself?" I asked piecing together some of it.

He didn't reply but continued to star at his hands. I could tell he was still shaken by my father's betrayal.

"I never liked your father. He was always a spineless little prick who only basically only married Nadeshiko for a personal bodyguard." There was distaste in his voice.

"Was he an assassin too?" I asked feeling stupid for not even knowing my parents profession. They never told me what they did when they were away. My mother's typical response was 'just business honey, I'll be back in a week.'

Obviously there was more to it then that.

"Fuck no. That rat never shot a gun in his life. He inspected goods and bought weapons for Meiling's company and scurried away at any sign of danger." Syaoran spat.

Though I always hated my father, it hurt for Syaoran to insinuate my parents were together merely for business purposes. It may well have been true but still…

"Will you tell me about my mother?" I asked nervously.

He smiled softly but then it vanished.

"Not tonight." He said shaking his head and rising up.

When his arm left my shoulder I became cold again. I didn't watch him leave but rather listened to his footsteps fade out. I let my body fall onto the bed with my legs still dangling over the edge.

I was surprised at how quickly sleep nursed me into unconsciousness.

I was still clutching my rucksack in the clothes I wore all day today. The last sight I recalled was the glow of the orange lights lingering in my room still…

X x x x x x x x x x x x x

_Present Day_

**Syaoran's POV**

I remember her so clearly that night.

She was a scared and frightened high school girl still scarred physically by her father's doing. Her bruises stained her white complexion and little sown up scars sat on random places on her skin. I remember wondering if I made a mistake introducing Sakura into my world of guns and violence. I contemplated on killing her with the notion that she simply wasn't strong enough. I thought maybe I'd do her a favour letting her die quickly and painfully rather then in the middle of a gang fight.

But I had to let her live, there was a reason. She was to have revenge on her mother's murderer, and I was to see to it that that happened. The events that followed however were not what I predicted to happen.

I would give anything to see her now, wherever she is, if she's still alive. Even if one day by chance our paths crossed, I knew, I knew she would kill me.

Even after all these years she probably still hasn't forgiven me. It's safe to say, she still hates me.

This kid is driving me crazy. Since she came through my front door she conjured up old feeling I thought I put to rest. Never had I thought about Sakura as much as I had since Rae came. She has to go… she has to.

As I slumped off to bed I caught my foot on the chair in the living room knocking her bag and a few contents out of it.

"Shit." I muttered worried I'd wake her up.

I placed some of the items back in the bag but something in particular caught my eye. The moonlight winked of it and my faced drained of any colour.

I stared in utter astonishment at the metal tablet that read '_S.K 103' _

The last time I seen this was when it was around _her_ neck years ago.

H-how could…How did this child have it? My hands shook as they rooted around further into the bag to reveal a hand-gun and a pocket knife an multiple passports, one reading 'Rhaya-Eliza Osaka' At the bottom lay a sheet with my address on it.

I sat there feeling a variety of emotions I could not label.

Then realisation came crashing down on my head.

Of course…it all made sense now…

Her door lay slightly ajar and I could see her sleeping soundly. I threaded lightly to her bedside glaring down with pure hate at her. I loaded my gun harshly causing her to stir slightly but fall back into sleep.

It was too coincidental that our paths crossed, too strange that she happened to be there when I ventured out to the warehouse.

The nose of the gun hovered inches from her young face…

She must be a spy.

Meiling you bitch. Even after all these years you can't let it go can you? You send a child to kill me, win me over with her disturbing resemblance to Sakura so eventually she'd extract information out of me. To think it could have happened, that I was gullible enough to take in a child, to cave into her pleas of staying longer with me.

Well played.

I gripped the gun and watched her face which was becoming less and less innocent as the seconds passed by. My finger stroked the trigger as she breathed softly unsuspecting of my actions.

Then she made a muffled noise and rolled over facing me and curled into a ball like a child in the womb, just like Sakura use to do…

My hands began to shake; I've never been like this, never so weak to the enemy. Yet I knew I had to do this. If I end her, then I end that chapter of my life, the chapter of painful memories and weakness.

I stood there towering over the child, like a hunter cornering its prey.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Hope ye liked it.**

**Exam stress is getting to me so its nice to take a break and write,**

**Anyway, R&R!**


	5. A Spark of Vengeance

**Hi everyone I'm back! :D **

**Authors Note: There has been a change to the timeline on previous chapters. Events that happened Fifteen years ago are actually Sixteen years ago. It's not a major change obviously but it just makes more sense for future chapters : )**

**Anyway, hope ye all had a happy Valentines day!**

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x**

**Sakura's POV:**

_Sixteen Years ago_

I was in the midst of a pleasant dream.

In this dream, I was in what was the Kinomoto mansion.

My mother stood in the kitchen talking amiably and I listened with my heart warming because she was actually here, with me. She wasn't on a 'business trip' or going on 'another holiday' or 'working late.' She was here, with me. It was one of those extremely rare times that I had my mother to myself.

My mother was perfect in every way. My idle…not a killer…

But of course, that was not the case.

The alarm on my bedside went off and pulled me away from my dreaming. The alarm screamed 5:37 at me and I groaned and struggled to find the snooze button.

My door was burst open and Fanran stood in her black uniform her toothbrush jutting out from her mouth.

"You're not ready yet?" She said incredulously with her mouth foaming with white paste.

She disappeared out of the room to spit out the minty freshness. Once again I groaned and rolled over to try and recover sleep.

"Get up!" She screamed and threw the rucksack at me.

"What?" I mumbled and rose upright from my bed to wipe yellow sleep from my eyes.

"You should be dressed by now! Have you eaten yet?" She said flaring her arms out.

I looked at her stupidly still not with it. She let out frustrated sigh.

"Sakura come on, Syaoran will be here at six and he'll be seriously pissed off if you're not ready. Neither you nor I want that ok?" She delved into my wardrobe to find my shoes.

Finally I snapped somewhat into myself and made my way over to the mirror to fix my hair.

"No time for that Sakura come on!" Fanran grabbed my elbow and hoisted me upwards.

"Get dressed ok. I know it's your first day and all so I'll help you a bit but you have to work with me. Be dressed in two minutes and I'll make you something to eat before you go ok?"

I nodded and remained mute whilst I begun to dress myself in a black tank top and trousers.

As I walked through the kitchen I noticed Naoko hunched behind the computer screen once again with her glasses drooping down her nose and her face an inch from the screen. When she sensed my movement she smiled coyly at me.

"Good morning Sakura." She said sweetly.

I nodded as a reply. I couldn't seem to get any confidence here in this unique atmosphere. I felt like such a stranger here.

"Your training starts today doesn't it?" She said in a meek voice. "I'm sure you'll do great! You'll pass your test in no time-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Naoko!" Rika suddenly spat with venom.

I whirled around to find her in the kitchen. I didn't even realise she was here.

"Take your head out of the traitor's ass and go back to doing what you're actually good at." Rika's ruby eyes flashed at both of us.

"Don't get your hopes up rookie, if you last past today it'll be a miracle." She said aiming her words of hate at me.

God she hated me. I was here a whole twenty-four hours and already she pre-judged me. She was leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in her hand. Her top was brought up further than the rest of ours and her black shorts were tight around her curvaceous hips.

She had a fuller figure than the rest of us but she was in no way too big.

I suppose I too have pre–judged her too as a complete diva. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she was just wary of me…or maybe she was just a bitch.

Fanran had a thin athletic body with defined arm muscles. She didn't look masculine though, more like one of those models from 'Sports Illustrated' magazines. I felt so pathetic with my petite milky body.

"Shut up Rika." Fanran said beside her. "God, can you ever do any work around here apart from paint your nails. It's not a crime if you washed the fucking dishes now and again. Don't you have a mission to be doing anyway?" Fanran muttered but Rika seemed to ignore her.

She was more focused on glaring daggers at me.

"Yeah I decided to leave that." She said tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Christ Rika if you keep blowing off missions Meiling's going to be-"

"Put a fucking sock in it." Rika interjected and threw the remainder of her coffee in the sink all over the dishes Fanran just washed.

Fanran shot her a look of annoyance but said nothing and proceeded my way.

"Eat quickly." Fanran said pushing toast and coffee into my hands. "Syaoran's on his way."

I gulped with the mention of his name. My stomach knotted to think I'd be spending the day with him.

Rika didn't take her eyes of me for a second. She cocked her head a fraction towards Fanran and said.

"You must feel confident letting this one loose Fanran. Doesn't it bother you that Fujitaka's bastard will be alone with your brother? That's how rats work you know, they wait until you're alone and then stab you in the back." She sniggered and tossed her ruby brown hair over her shoulder.

The sudden anger inside me boiled. I slammed the cup onto the counter almost breaking it.

"Don't you ever compare me to him! I am _nothing_ like him!" I shouted and silenced the room.

The two of them froze looking at me strangely. Even Naoko peered up from behind the computer screen wide eyed.

Inside I panicked; I saw it in their eyes. Even though I was recruited to be on their side, in their eyes I was still _his daughter._

The traitor's daughter, Fujitaka's bastard.

Rika, with a slimy smile slithered over to me and hissed into my ear. "We'll see about that."

There was now a mutual hatred for each other. I'd show her, she'll regret calling me that. They'd all see that I am not like him. Rika would regret it the most, I'll show her.

When the atmosphere settled Fanran ushered me towards the door.

"Look just remember that Syaoran isn't that scary as he wants you to think. If you give him the impression you're scared he'll use it against you and see you as weak. If you want his respect show him you're not afraid. Listen to every word he says, he knows what he's talking about. Don't give him reason to doubt you. He see's something in you Sakura, don't make him regret this." She patted me on the back like a mother who was nervously saying goodbye to her child's first day of school.

Before I knew it I was out in the freezing air of the early hours of the morning. His red car lay under streetlight and he stood with familiar smirk, looking as dangerous as ever.

X x x x x x x x x x

"Take it." He said in a nicer tone.

I stood ridged staring down at the black object, afraid of its stillness.

It sat innocently in his hand as if it meant no harm.

I've only ever used one before, but that was in pure rage. Looking back on it now I can hardly remember how I knew how to use it. I was bigger than I remembered.

"_Please_ take it." He said trying to persuade me but I stayed wary of it. I moved my head around it to get a better angle of it.

"It looks the same from every angle Sakura. If you're going to be an assassin, you'll kinda need to use a gun at some point."

"Har har," I said sarcastically. "Maybe we should start with knives or something?" I suggested and shrugged innocently.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly as he realised the _nice guy_ approach wasn't working on me. He gave up and forced the gun into my hand.

I shuddered at its coldness. God it was heavier then I last remembered.

We were in an abandoned army training facility in the middle of a vast and remote open space. It was the perfect place for training. The sun beamed down with intensity. It was not a nice type of warm weather. It was extremely humid and the ground was dried up of any minerals.

"Point towards that can." He said pointing at the middle can that stood on a wall with others.

"How far is the can from here?" He suddenly asked leaning against the wall.

I knitted my brows together perplexed.

"What does that matter?" I asked confused.

"Because," He said taking a step towards me.

He was undoubtedly, Godlike. The sunrays glorified his body and accented his muscled under his black t-shirt.

"If you're on a mission and I tell you to kill the person forty six feet ahead of you, how will you know what gun can reach him with the same impact? How will you know which person I'm even talking about?"

I never thought of that.

"These things aren't priority but nevertheless they are the basics and need to be known. So how far away are the cans?"

"Um…. Sixteen yards?"

"Twenty-six." He corrected.

I was bewildered at how he could possibly judge that. But I didn't doubt him for a second. He'd know better than me.

"Shoot the third can in from the left."

Did he have to be so precise?

I braced myself. I was ashamed that my hands started to shake. I closed one eye to see properly and slowly, with a trembling finger I pulled the trigger. The recoil was difficult to control, and when I opened my eyes I saw that the cans still stood victorious and unmoved. I seemed to miss by half a mile.

"Shit." I murmured to myself embarrassed.

Syaoran did not scold me, or throw crude remarks. Instead he pushed himself off the wall and made his way over to me.

"First of all, don't stand with your legs so close together; create a balanced stance like the night in the warehouse."

I couldn't believe he could even remember that night.

I did so by parting my feet slightly to get a good stance.

"Secondly, never, ever close you eyes when shooting."

He stood behind me and I gasped when he brought his arms up beside mine. We both held the gun now and his lips were beside my ear.

"Look with both eyes all the time, not just one. This part here," he said pointing to a part on the top of it. "This is where you will aim through. Bullets don't always travel in straight lines." He manoeuvred the gun down and to the left so slightly I doubt it would have made a difference.

"You'll get use to how different guns work and how to manoeuvre them."

I gulped and breathed deeply. It was so hard to concentrate with him being so close to me.

He pulled the trigger and the can jumped off the wall and hit the ground with a defeated '_clunk'_

I smiled and when he let go even he grinned a little.

"Now go for the next one." He encouraged.

I did all the steps once again and this time, I hit it.

I smiled like a child giddy that I did something right.

We continued and I surprised myself when my aims became increasingly more accurate. However speed was an issue I struggled with. I never thought that I, Sakura Kinomoto would ever hold a gun in her hands nevertheless know how to use one. I guess I keep on surprising myself.

"You need to be quicker." He commented repeatedly.

Another hour passed and I decided to make use of this opportunity.

"So…the Li gang…are all of you assassins? You guys don't seem like the typical gang." I risked threading on territory that was none of my business, but I was hoping I would gain information about my mother in the process.

He opened his eyes and stared out onto the vast desert and blew hot air out of his cheeks.

"We're not necessarily a _gang_ anymore. Nowadays gangs have evolved more business-like. Black-market business. Generations ago the gangs in Tomoeda use to be more about territory and protecting the members like they were family, but nowadays…it's all changed."

"How so?" I asked and re-loaded my gun.

"It's all about money and drugs. The more you have, the more powerful the gang is. We're not even a gang really, just killers living under the same roof serving the same boss." There was a hint of bitterness in his tone.

Did he prefer the old ways?

"We're all just trying to survive now." He said in a sad tone.

"If it's called the _'Li gang'_, does that mean your one of the leaders?"

"Technically yes. My great-great grandfather passed the title down to my father but…" He broke off.

"But…?"

"My father had an affair with my mother. My sisters and I were illegitimate, so the title went on to Meilings' father, then down to Meiling."

"Don't you want to claim your title?"

"No. There's too much corruption and backstabbing, not to mention meetings and negotiations. I prefer to wait in shadows to be called upon. I don't want to be involved with all the out paperwork and shit. But Meiling is, and always will be until she dies, the leader of the Li gang." He did not say that with regret.

Maybe he genuinely was just happy with playing the role of the killer and not the boss.

"Meiling…" I said breaking off and drawing his attention. "She's a bit…." I was thinking aloud and wished I said nothing.

He obviously ranked her highly and had respect for her…I didn't want to insult her. Instead, he smirked and chuckled deeply. He was now sitting on a rusted metal barrel clasping his hands together.

"Yeah, Meiling is a bit…funny."

"I was going to say bi-polar." I whispered which made him laugh louder.

"You've seen her at her nicest. Trust me, you haven't seen the worst of it."

I gulped and saw flashbacks of the first night Syaoran and Eriol brought me to Meiling. Her personality was so split. I was showed anger, enraged, controlled and calm Meiling in a space of five minutes. She scared me far more than Syaoran or Rika did.

I now felt a vein in my head pulse in anger. I fired once more and hit six of the eight cans, a personal best so far.

"You work well when angered." He commented. "You hate Meiling that much?"

His amber eye had a glint in it. God he really was a male model. His silky brown hair fell over his eyes and once again my attention was diverted from the conversation.

"No," I said coming back to my usual self. "Not Meiling…Rika."

"Ah, I see."

Rika didn't actually scare me. Meiling scared me. Rika was just well…a bitch. She was intimidating with her domineering attitude but I'd much rather be forced to live with Rika than ten minutes with Meiling. Maybe I was exaggerating. Maybe I was too emotional with the events that took place that night that Meiling _seemed_ bad.

I can just remember her black eyes chilling my soul. I shuddered.

"Why does she hate me?" I asked referring to Rika.

He shrugged and rested his chin on his fists. "Rika doesn't like change I guess. Anyways, she's always been the jealous type." He said curving his lip upwards.

With that he winked at me. Even in this unbearable humid climate I still managed to blush.

"Jealous of what? I haven't done anything to outshine her." I mumbled trying to distract him from my slightly red tinted cheeks.

"Not yet, but she knows in the future you will."

I rolled my eyes not believing that Syaoran had this much fate in me after two days. He expected so much from me, it was almost flattering but at the same time, a scary thought.

"Also, who wouldn't be jealous of that pretty face sweetheart?" He purred and crept up behind me once again.

I gasped at his sudden movement as yet again his body mirrored mine and we both looked through the aim of the gun. He exuded confidence with every movement.

It didn't even bother him that I was Fujitaka's daughter. He was the only person here who never pre-judged me as a backstabber. He took me for what I was.

"Sakura, I know you won't let me down. You need to start trusting that what I say is true. You want revenge on the man who killed your mother and brother, and you will only if you do what I tell you to do. If you do, then you'll earn the respect of Meiling and that would put Rika in her place, they'll stop seeing you as the daughter of a traitor, and your mother…would be proud of you."

My mouth gaped slightly open when he mentioned my mother.

"How do you know I'll survive?" I said meekly whilst focusing intensely on the can on the very back wall.

"Because I'm teaching you, what Nadeshiko told me."

I froze every muscle in my body and turned my head slightly towards him.

"My mother trained you?" I asked.

"She was the best there ever was around here. Untouchable, like a ghost. Then she was betrayed." His hand tightened around mine as if angered by the very thought of my mother's injustice.

He had great respect for my mother, and at that point, I felt like both Syaoran and I made a connection. Suddenly, he became like a real person. It may not last very long, but for now it was nice.

"Why don't you kill Fujitaka?" I asked out of curiosity.

He stiffened. "She wasn't my mother just like Toya wasn't my brother. It should be you, who gets revenge. I've already had mine once."

"How did you know his name?"

"I know a lot about you, more than you think. Your mother spoke of you to me a lot, and of your brother." There was a warm tone in his voice.

"Why did he have to betray her?" I asked feeling my chest tighten.

"He needed someone to blame. I doubt he ever truly loved Nadeshiko."

"What about Toya? He didn't deserve that."

I felt him shrug. "Maybe he was just there, maybe there was no other choice."

"Heartless bastard." I spat.

"He really was." He agreed.

There was a lot about Syaoran I didn't know about. I still feared him to an extent but I could see him more as a human now.

Together, we shot for the last can. It flew of its' spot and rolled around on the sandy floor.

"Perfect." He remarked quietly and slowly let his hands fall from mine.

He walked towards what he referred to as 'base', which was the abandoned training facility.

I don't know how, but subtly he sparked a determination inside me, he sparked a desire for vengeance. Maybe I _could_ do this. Maybe I was meant to follow in my mother's footsteps. One thing I knew for sure, I would get my revenge on Fujitaka. One way or another I would avenge my mother and Toya.

When I put an end to his life, the world is free to do what it wants with me. For now, Sakura Kinomoto had a purpose, an objective that I would see through.

"You coming?" He asked flashing a smile that was becoming too familiar.

I nodded and followed him looking back on the defeated cans thinking that one day, that would be Fujitaka.

I was all alone in this world now with nobody, no companions no friends. I had nobody to depend on except, fortunately, Li.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Sakura's POV**

_Present Day_

Indeed, all I _had _was Li…

Then things got fucked up.

I've come along way since I first held a gun. My mother certainly would have been proud of me.

All around me there was laughter but my face remained as expressionless as stone. I placed a hand on my pocket and felt the cold metal of my gun which waited patiently. I kept my eyes down and focused on the task at hand. People passed by me without taking notice. In their expensive suits and dresses they laughed and discussed business all the while not stopping to ponder on my suspicious presence.

"Not long now." My partner whispered lowly and leaned casually on the counter beside me.

"How much longer?" I said impatient to move. I picked at the ends of my black silk dress. I did not wear it by choice; it was merely to blend in.

He looked down on me with his slender face and grey eyes. "Any minute now, he'll leave, and then you'll take care of him."

We both stood like statues staring out to the others who mingle in the private room.

"What did the boss say?" I asked drawing my attention to the man I call my boss.

He stands among everyone else and talks quietly probably negotiating business. It is obvious that he is a man to be feared. His presence exudes intimacy, power and fear and it's my job to keep it that way.

A dark shadow descended down my partners eyes. Things were indeed turning for the worse. He crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side to gaze out at the others.

"They're making their move soon. The time is drawing near to attack. Meiling is growing weaker; the boss will soon call upon us to destroy her and the rest of her fucking gang."

"What about the rest of them?" I asked without looking at him.

He knew what I meant.

"We don't even know who's left. All we know is that we outnumber them. They don't have a chance. They'd be foolish to resist us." He smiles as if we already won.

"And what of those who do?" I felt a cold flutter in my chest when my thoughts fled to _him_.

What would become of _him_? If, in fact _he_ was still alive…

"What's wrong precious?" He says leaning in unnecessarily close to place his finger under my chin. "Are you frightened of what will happen, when you finally come face to face with Syao-"

"Shut up." I spat and whirled my head away from him. "I'll do what I said I would do years ago." I said with a hint of bitterness.

He liked to push my buttons. But I was determined a long time ago when I came here, that I had a task that must be fulfilled.

"He's making his move." He whispers to me and casually looks over his shoulder.

I nodded and locked eyes on Israeli-born black-market businessman, Markus Aharoni. He shook hands with my boss's olive coloured hand. My boss was the most feared man in this country. As soon as they departed, my boss flickered an eye towards me and nodded, I took that as my queue.

"What about his wife?" I muttered.

"No survivors." He said and flashed a wicked smile. "You should keep that in mind for future events."

I felt my chest tighten when he said that.

His words stayed in my head even after I followed Aharoni and his wife.

They walked out onto the cold air laughing without a care. I paced faster and when we were out of sight from everyone else, I struck.

Bang, bang,

They fell like two domino's one after the other. Once I thought I would never be so heartless. I thought I would never be able to end a life so harshly. But _he_ changed all that. _He _turned me into the cold person I am today.

You Syaoran, turned me into the person I am today, and very soon Syaoran…we _will_ meet again, and you will pay for what I had to give up…for you.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Rae's POV: **

_Present Day_

"Wake up!" A harsh voice shouted.

I was roughly jerked awake.

I felt hands roughly tug and pull on the collar of my t-shirt. My arms flared and tried to push away from the body that was attacking me. The hold around my neck was so severe that I had great difficulties breathing. My eyes could not make out the person and it wasn't until I was thrown onto the ground did I make out Li's face.

He had such a maddening look on his face. His amber eyes blazed with blatant rage for reasons I could not understand. I scrambled onto my knees and retreated backwards.

In two steps he caught up to me and kicked my ribs thus keeping me down.

He knocked the wind out of me and I gasped clutching my sides. I tried to form words but the pain was too much. I was bent on all fours and not able to find strength to push myself onto my feet.

"Think you can fuck with my head do you?" He spat giving me furious looks that I simply could not explain.

"What?" I managed to say on the floor.

My pulse was out of control and my body shook so much I thought I was going to be sick. My knees quivered against the carpet and my breathing became uneven.

Quicker than lightening the cold silver of his gun met my forehead.

"Who sent you?" There was an ice cold tone in his voice. He was trying to restrain his inner rage.

"I don't know what you mean." I whimpered and clambered onto my knees looking down.

I panicked and tried to think of a way out of this. What was wrong with him? He was a very different Li compared to the gentle-hearted one from earlier.

I was completely disorientated and my hands started to shake. He brought the gun to his side and for a second I thought he was calming down. But a second later his hand knotted itself into my hair and forced me up onto my feet.

My screams and cries of protests did not gain me any sympathy. His grip was so tight in my hair I was convinced he would rip every individual strand out. Through the grey halls he dragged me and my ear piercing screams did not attract anyone to help me. I kicked and clawed but it had no effect on him. He kept his cold eyes fixed ahead. He dragged my body down every flight of stairs which added to an unbelievable amount of pain to my ankle despite the fact it was covered in a hard cast.

My cries bounced off the walls and faded out without anyone hearing.

He kicked open the emergency exit that lead onto a long alleyway.

Small drops of rain began to stain the dry ground, a storm was coming.

I felt relief when he released me. He kicked me into a nearby puddle which saturated my face with its muddy contents. Placing a hand on my reddened scalp I sniffled and forced myself to look at him. I rubbed my fingers soothingly across my sore head.

I sobbed quietly from fatigue and Li's bizarre outburst.

Once again I was faced with his gun mere inches from my forehead.

"I'll ask you again, who sent you?"

The rain hammered down like bullets around us. My wet hair matted against my face and he became blurred due to the severity of the rain.

"I-"

"Was it Meiling!" He interrupted in a harsher voice.

"W-who?"

"STOP FUCKING WITH ME! Tell me!"

I gasped and retreated further. My heart punched my chest in absolute terror. Never in my life had I been more terrified than I was now. No one has ever made my blood go cold like he did, my own father.

I shivered at our cold surroundings as a million thoughts flooded my head.

Maybe he knows? But how could he?

He threw something at me. It hit the ground and from it my belongings spilled out. My passports, the silver tablet, his address…and a knife…

"I know you're a spy, or maybe an assassin, it's over now so before you die, tell me who sent you."

I sat completely astonished that he assumed I was a spy, or even someone sent to kill him. In fact, how could he even think that? Then I remembered my letter from aunt Tomoyo which currently was hiding in my pillow case for safe keeping. It never occurred to me to hide my other belongings. Damn it Rae how could you forget?

Looking up into his maddening eyes I knew I had to tell him, I swore to myself I would have done so tomorrow but I knew I wouldn't have. I would have put it of yet another day, and another. Maybe this was a sign that it had to be now.

"You have five seconds to talk." He threatened.

His breaths misted in front of his face. His jaw tightened in attempt to restrain himself.

I stared down at my hands for a second wondering if Aunt Tomoyo really wanted this. How could she have wanted me to find this man? This man, who was so full of anger and rage, suspicion and danger was supposed to save me?

How could he possibly care for someone like me? He seemed so heartless, how could he be my father?

Then again what had I to lose? Either way, there was a chance I was going to die…..

I shivered when his gun tipped my forehead. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. In that last week I've had so many guns aimed at me, was this how my life would be if in fact he believed me?

"I'm not a spy." I said meekly not being able to look at him.

"Then why are you here! Why are you looking for me?" He interrogated.

"I…" I just could not make the words come out.

There was a paralysing fear inside me that as soon as the words came out he would pull the trigger. Maybe he'd see it as a desperate attempt to survive. Or if he did believe me, maybe he simply just wouldn't want me…

Maybe Tomoyo didn't want me…

"Who sent you!" he persisted.

"T-Tomoyo…" I said with my stomach knotting at the mention of her name spoken aloud.

"Tomoyo who?" He asked in a surprisingly weaker voice.

"…Daidouji…"

I now looked at him, and saw his eyes wide with an emotion I could not place. Then, slowly, he began to shake his head as if to deny something.

"No…Tomoyo Daidouji is dead, she died years ago-"

"No," I interjected. "She's not."

"How could you possibly know?" It was as if roles changed and he suddenly became fearful of me.

"Because, she raised me, then told me to come here, to find you." I watched him carefully for a reaction.

When he didn't say anything, I took it as my queue to continue.

"Something bad happened; s-she couldn't keep me with her…so she sent me here." I bit my lip in suspense.

He said nothing and the rain fell harder on both of us. Then slowly and with much hesitance he rebuilt his posture and once again become his intimidating self.

"Tomoyo is dead… there's no way she escaped…Meiling made sure of that…" He said it like he wanted to convince himself rather than me.

He became frustrated and paced in circles whilst pinching the bridge of his nose. I took this as my opportunity to compose myself. He wasn't going to believe me. Something in his past was overshadowing what I was trying to tell him I was trying to tell him.

I had to say it… there was no other way.

"Why me? Why are you here! Tell me!" He said stabbing the gun in my direction. "Tomoyo is dead! They're all dead! Tomoyo, Eriol, Sachio and maybe even Sak-….her."

His voice broke at the last syllable and I physically saw is whole body cripple.

I bit my lip…does he mean _her_?...my mother?"

"So tell me _how_ she sent you? Explain it! Well? WELL? Or maybe you know. You know where she is don't you? DON'T YOU!" He was becoming slightly hysterical.

I once again became terrified. He was worse than before.

In a flash he was in front of me once more and his fingers curled around my collar. I felt my throat closing tighter as he lifter my three feet into the air.

I scratched and clawed at his face and kicked hard but he became a statue who felt no pain. My screams were muffled in my throat. Was this going to be it for me?

"Where is she?" It sounded almost like a plea.

His eyes which blazed now dulled and saddened. We both stared at each other and as each moment progressed, I lost even more air.

His emotions switched, I doubted he knew what to feel.

"Please…tell me. Where is she?"

I tried to make words form but the only sound that came out of my mouth was broken syllables.

"I….don't…know."

"Who are you? Why are you here…?" His voice became dangerously low.

He needed an answer. If I didn't give him one then that was it for me. Did I want this? Did I want to be _his_ daughter? Maybe it was best I died as Rhaya Daidouji, Daughter of Tomoyo Daidouji, the way I wanted it to be for so long…But I owe Tomoyo this, even if it's the last thing I'll do.

I simply could not speak under his grip. Slowly, his grip loosened but I was still dangling in the air above him.

"I'm…your…daughter…" I whispered.

Though my voice was a mere whisper, his eyes expanded and his jaw tensed.

I knew, he heard me.

"You… what?..."

I nodded slowly with my eyes beginning to burn with tears. God this wasn't how it was supposed to be. I didn't want it to be like this. But it's what Tomoyo wanted. All I could do now was trust that Tomoyo knew what was right.

"I'm you daughter….you…are my father…"

There was a pregnant pause. He looked as if seeing a ghost and I held my breath.

The rain showed no mercy. We were both saturated and his brown hair was wildly matted to his face. My heart began to pulse so hard that I began to shake. His grip around my collar loosened and I lost any strength to land safely onto the ground. I hit the ground hard, using my arms to shield my face from impact.

I wanted to just lay there forever. I never wanted to get up. I didn't want to see his face of rejection.

I saw his shoes ankle deep in a black puddle. Something hit the ground and I shrieked. His gun lay silently beside me.

Nothing…

It was after yet another minute I looked up to see him staring blankly into the alleyway ahead of him completely in a trance.

"Sakura…" He whispered to him self.

My brain told me to stay down, don't move. But something else told me to act.

I was known for my adrenaline rush. With that in mind I slowly and cautiously I eased myself onto my feet. My knees buckled like never before. This was it; the moment I pictured in my head so many times when I was a little girl has finally come…

We locked in an intense gaze that seemed to silence out the harsh sound of he rain. It was just him and I, no one else.

Father and daughter reunited.

I knew he was looking at me in a different light. I was not some kid of the street looking for a home. No, I was Rhaya, his daughter.

We mirrored each other's stance with clenched fists. Looking at him now, there was no doubt I was his.

The rain thinned into light drizzle around us…neither of us moved.

I was all alone in this world now with nobody, no companions and no friends. I had nobody to depend on except, unfortunately, Li.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Hi everyone!**

**I know there's a load of things kept in the dark but they will be revealed in time! **

**Thanks for your reviews so far they're encouraging :)**

**Hope to update soon!**


	6. Wicked Smiles

**Apologies for the lack of updating recently! **

**Three months left until my big exams so there's barely time to write!**

**Anyway, here's chapter six!**

**x x x**

**Syaoran's POV**

_Present Day_

My whole body trembled.

I have a daughter…_I …._have a _daughter_….

We were back in the apartment now and I stared down at the page with what I recognised as Tomoyo's scrawled handwriting.

This simply cannot be possible.

_You are in great danger Rae, it is vital you reach this destination and it is important you hand your father the item enclosed in your bag. Now is the time to be brave, you are not in the valley anymore, you are arriving on dangerous territory. Please, survive for me. _

My stomach dropped.

I'd recognise Tomoyos' handwriting anywhere.

My fingers started to shake as I read the letter over and over again. I laid it flat onto the table and waited to jerk out of a terrible dream. But, alas, I found myself still here, with her.

She sat on the counter top staring into her palms. Her once scar-less face was now covered in the beginning stages of bruising. Her hair was still matted onto her head and her elbows were marked with new cuts that I inflicted.

I felt sick.

_I _did that to her.

I attacked my…_daughter._

I was completely lost for words. I didn't know how to approach this. What do you say to a girl who after fourteen years comes looking for you? My stomach tightened into a knot so severe I thought I was going to be sick.

Not because of her, but because I let my stupid suspicion get in the way of my better judgment. Every time I glanced at her she becomes more and more resembling to Sakura. How could I not see that at the beginning? I feel like kicking myself for not seeing it earlier.

So here I am, Syaoran Li…a father.

She keeps her head tilted low, avoiding my gaze. I don't blame her.

So many questions I wanted to ask. Yet when I get the courage to ask her, I feel I can't. It's like I'm seeing her in a completely different light. She's not some kid off the street or some annoying temporary housemate… she was my…

I bury my face in my hands. I can't think about this. How…how could I not have known? It's not possible, she can't be mine…she just can't.

Ok, there certainly _is_ a possibility she is but…how could I have not known about her. Sakura….surly she didn't hate me that much that she wouldn't…

"You don't believe me…do you?" She said in a meek voice that drew my attention.

"I-..I do. It explains how you know about Tomoyo…and how you have the tablet but…I…I just don't know."

"You don't want me." She said biting her lip and scrunching up her fists.

"I never said that." I genuinely didn't know what to do.

I've been living alone for so long; to introduce this child into my life would simply be bizarre. I mean, how could I keep her? How could Tomoyo ever think this was what was for the best.

"Did you ever know about me?" She asked.

Sadly, I shook my head and sighed wishing I had a bottle of vodka in my hand. "Never."

Her eyes saddened at this.

"How did Tomoyo survive? Meiling, she made sure the Daidoujis' would pay-" I stopped mid-sentence when I saw the blank look on her face. She didn't know. I recognised that face.

It was the worried expression Sakura wore when I brought her into my world, so innocent, so naïve. This kid obviously didn't know the background to Tomoyo.

"Never mind." I said lowly.

She shifted on the seat as an awkward silence lingered around us.

"Why did Tomoyo leave?" I asked.

"I…I don't know. It was just another birthday for me but …something happened. Something that threw Aunt Tomoyo off."

"_Aunt _Tomoyo?" I questioned.

She nodded. "That's what I called her. She was my only family…was. Then she wanted to leave all of a sudden…she didn't board the train …that's the last time I saw her. I had to find you, it's what she wanted."

Her voice cracked and her head bowed lower until her face was completely out of sight. Her shoulder shook slightly but she made no sound.

I gazed out the window into the black night and dared to ask the question on the tip of my tongue.

"Is…Sakura…still alive?" My chest tightened.

To say her name, to hear it out loud brought and emotional pain inside me. Even though I thought I knew the answer, I wanted to hear it out loud. Maybe then my mind could be put to ease. Maybe then I could at least try and move on.

However, her reply shocked me to the core.

"Who's Sakura?" Her hazel eyes bore confusion.

No way…

I gaped at her unable to say anything. After a minute I saw it click in her head.

"Sakura…that's my mother isn't it?" She looked down as if ashamed she didn't know.

"So…you don't know where she is then…"? I asked feeling as if my heart would implode.

"I thought you knew." She barely whispered.

I buried my face into my hands. With four words I felt every hope shatter inside me. If she didn't know…then who does?

We both once again fell to a nostalgic state. I could hear her quivered breathing and I felt so helpless.

"Is she dead?" She whispered.

"I don't know….Tomoyo…she never mentioned her?"

She shook her head. "She was always strange about where I came from. Always changing the topic as if she didn't want to talk about it yet…insisting I never referred to her as my mother. Although it sort of felt like in the last few years that she was beginning to open up to me…not much though."

Her nose wrinkled slightly as she tried to recall past events.

I attempted to think of something to say but…there was simply nothing else to say. No words of comfort, just silence.

I stood up quite suddenly and paced around in a circle.

"You have to hide." I said all of a sudden. "You can't stay with me, it's too dangerous. I'll give you some money, go somewhere far away from here. I'll send someone to check on you and-"

"No!" She screamed suddenly and stood up with balled fists.

Her face twisted in anger. "I didn't come all the way here to be sent away! What is so wrong with me? Why, _WHY_ doesn't anyone want me?" She screamed throwing out her arms.

She was crying now with emotion that had been bottled up for a while now. I was taken aback by her sudden outburst. Her jaw locked and her hazel eyes blazed with fury.

"Look kid..."

"My name is not KID!" She fumed. "I have a name! My name is RAE!" Her body trembled.

I could harbour no expression but shock. In a flash she whirled around and stormed off into the room which was now claimed hers.

I stood dumbfounded unable to decide on my next move. I felt like the worst person in the planet for not being able to cope with this. She is silent in her room and did not stir. Was she thinking the same as me? Was she pondering on the hopelessness of us under the same roof…as father and daughter?

Again I felt sick.

How could Tomoyo be so careless? How could she have sent her to me? Then again, Tomoyo always worked in mysterious ways. I was so tempted to drink until I was completely numb and unable to think of the situations.

What was it that made Tomoyo do this? The threat was over was it not? Meiling got her revenge, or so she thinks didn't she…?

How could Sakura do this? H-How could I not have known I mean… we loved each other _once_. Surly she could have told me…couldn't she?

I tightened my fists and slanted my eyes in anger. It all came down to one person really.

Meiling, even after all these years, I can still feel her ever present reign.

X x x

**Sakura's POV**

_Seventeen Years Ago_

"Stop, you're even making me nervous." He grunted.

"Sorry." I mumbled and tried to control my pulsing heart.

I couldn't help it, I was so nervous. The elevator stopped on the forty-first floor. I breathed hot air out of my cheeks. My fingers shook but froze when his warm hand placed itself over it.

"She's not that scary." He said with a slight smile on his face.

I bet he was amused at my somewhat pathetic response to the situation. We were on our way to see Meiling in her office for a meeting. Apparently this was routine and we all had to do it. In the past three weeks Syaoran and I had become somewhat friends. There was still an element of fear of course. He was so much more experienced than I was. Training was improving but I had still a good way to go.

Relations between Rika and I did not improve an iota. Each day the insults were getting worse and Fanran had so far sided with me. However each day she left me more independent to fight my own battles.

He gave me a gentle nudge foreword.

"What do I even say?" I asked feeling panic building up inside me.

"Relax, you don't have anything to say unless she asks and I've a feeling she'll ignore you anyway." He shrugged.

We emerged into her elaborate office. She sat shrunken in her seat flicking through some files. Her black hair scraped back into a well sculptured bun revealing her soul sucking eyes and pronounced cheekbones.

I kept my eyes lowered to my shoes and tried to blend in like the carpet. Eriol sat in front of the coffee table flicking through files. He didn't flicker his attention to me for a second and remained with his attention intensely fixed on the documents.

I stood statue like against the wall while Syaoran joined Eriol in a relaxed manner. I amazed me how he could be so relaxed within the presence of Meiling.

"Meiling this is insane. You can't possibly be thinking of doing this. You know if you do Tsukishiro will order to strike back twice as hard." Eriol said in a serious tone.

Meiling stood up and walked over to the window whilst shuffling papers in her hands. How professional she looked in her tailored suit. She indeed would stop anyone in their tracks with her luminous greyish-white skin and striking features.

She turned her head to the side and said sternly. "We'll see. If anything he deserves it. Really Eriol, I thought you would have agreed with me."

"But Meiling, to actually _attack_ and _steal_ their shipment is a bit much don't you think? They won't stand for it." His voice was borderline pleading and I wish I was filled in on the conversation.

A cat, as black as the night, appeared from being the mahogany desk to spread itself over the desk.

"Down Suppi." Meiling scowled but Suppi only rolled over to scratch her head of the side of the desk. "You know as well as I do Eriol that a war is coming, so to speak." She didn't show annoyance at Eriol's protest.

She turned her head to reveal a side profile of her sharp nose. "I want yourself and Takashi to go on stakeout, find out where they're delivering the shipment." She said in a stony voice.

Eriol stiffened is posture and reluctantly agreed. "I have…duties though…"

Meiling threw the documents on the desk and flopped gracefully into her seat. "Oh yes. Your _duties_…..I'm sure Kinomoto has nothing else to be doing with herself so send her."

My head whirled up at the mention of my name as three pairs of eyes settled on me.

Eriol clenched his hands and murmured. "Fine."

"Good. Kinomoto." She called grabbing my attention.

"Yes Meiling?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady.

God her eyes were piercing.

"I hope dear Syaoran has been treating you well in your training?" She asked with a crooked smile aimed at Syaoran.

Syaoran smirked at me and sneaked a wink at me. I paused for a second and said, "Yes Meiling." In a polite obedient manner.

"Good." She clapped her hands together. The black cat purred as it settled on her lap. "You are dismissed." She said waving her hand as if we were nothing but butlers and maids.

Eriol shot up with a dark haze over his eyes. He almost knocked me over as he stalked by me. He was obviously pissed off with Meiling's decision. I felt a sting of guilt in my stomach. It seemed no one was on my side.

"A pleasure, as always Meiling." Syaoran said silkily and swung his legs over the table whilst heading for the door.

"Wait." She purred and he stopped in his tracks.

For a second I thought I saw his muscles flex with anger and his eyes darken. A frosty atmosphere took over with his change of stance. But as soon as it happened he moulded his signature smile and relaxed his posture, thus returning the somewhat normal atmosphere.

Meiling played with her bottom lip flirtatiously and bent her body back ever so slightly almost with the most subtle hint of innuendo. She rested her six foot platform heels on the massive desk and drew small circles on her knee. Her eyes gleamed and with a new emotion I thought I saw at our first meeting.

I felt so embarrassed and I looked again to make sure I didn't pick it up wrong. But I didn't. Syaoran smirked and cocked his head to the side at her to match her odd emotion. Meilings eyes flashed in my direction.

"I said you're dismissed." She said with a tinge of annoyance.

Syaoran looked at me over his shoulder with a different kind of look. He didn't keep his eye of me and it was almost an apologetic look. What did he have to be sorry for? Maybe he too felt uncomfortable? Was there something between himself and Meiling? Did their relationship go beyond business? Maybe that's why Syaoran had no fear over Meiling…

He casted his eye downwards as if he wanted to mentally distance myself from Meiling and him.

Though Syaoran's stance was confident, the aura around him was strange; as if he were feeling something different inside and he didn't want to show it.

The door closed in my face and the last thing I saw was Meilings eyes wandered up and down Syaoran's body with a satisfied yet wicked smile.

"Come on." Eriol grunted and walked away without commenting on the odd event that just happened.

X x x

"Are you familiar with The Daidouji Enterprise?" he asked as we pulled into a less up area.

"It's familiar." I said recalling the name from somewhere.

"The Daidoujis have supplied the Li organization with guns, rifles and more for decades. Meiling had the utmost trust in them and so as compromise as well as payment, we give them security and bodyguards and they sell their arms to us and only us." He said and I listened intently.

I noticed how Eriol referred to the gang as an _organization_, more professional, I thought. Eriol did carry a more professional and authoritative vibe about him than Syaoran. He dressed sharper and seemed to work things out logically before acting. I wouldn't say Syaoran was the opposite, but he certainly had a darker 'go with it' approach to his work.

"Mr and Mrs Daidouji are frequently under threat so security around them is mandatory, however…" He hesitated. "Their daughter Tomoyo Daidouji lives away from them for safety reasons. Tonight you'll watch over her."

We pulled into the entrance of a rather grand two story country house. There was one window yellow with light. The house was quaint and quite large. Not large enough to call a mansion, yet almost too big for just one person.

When it sank in that he wanted me to babysit my jaw dropped. I could practically hear Syaoran laughing at this.

"You want me to…body guard?" I asked piecing it together.

"Usually I do it, and then it rotates around occasionally. You would have had to do it sooner or later anyway. I was supposed to do it tonight but then…" He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Meiling had other plans."

I risked looking at him in his frustrated state. "You disagree with Meiling?" I asked bracing myself for him to tell me to mind my own business.

"I respect her as the boss, but she can be a vengeful bitch when she wants to be." He said bitterly.

"Who was she talking about?" I asked taking his tone as an invitation.

"Reed." He said through his teeth as if it left a disgusting taste in his mouth. I saw his jaw clench and his blue eyes blaze. "They're our rivals and have been for years now. And now all of a sudden Meiling wants to steal from them. She's just looking for a reason to kill them all."

"Why do you say that? Don't all gangs want to…kill each other or something?" How Innocent I must have sounded.

He actually laughed a little and relaxed. "We're not a _gang_ anymore. We're just a black market organisation trying to provide a service and make money." He leaned his head back and blew hot air from his cheeks.

"How the fuck am I going to do this?" He said more to himself.

I blinked twice, "About Meiling."

"No even worse." He rubbed his hands against his face as if to waken himself from a nightmare. "I told her I had tonight off… she's going to be so disappointed. I'll make it up to her." He muttered again to himself.

"Come on." He suddenly said drawing my attention.

He hung his head low as he stepped out of the car. I followed him keeping some distance between us. He retrieved a set of keys from his pocket and sighed loudly when he unlocked the door.

At first there was a homely smell of a roast dinner that filled the room. Cosy and feminine furniture sat under dimmed lights and there were sounds of pots and pans occasionally clanking off each other coming from the next room. There room was physically warmer and had a very homely feel to it.

"Stay here until I call you." He said as he proceeded through the double glass doors. He shut them behind him thus muffling any audible sound.

I stood awkwardly in what I presumed was the sitting room. There was a colour scheme of purples, lilacs and creams running through the room. It was almost child-like but very classy at the same time. I peered through the corner of my eye through the glass doors. Eriol was speaking lowly and used his hands as if to try and explain something.

Then she appeared with her lavender hair and milky white flawless skin. I remembered her as Tomoyo, the girl who nursed me out of my first serious injuries. Her eyes fell to the floor in sadness. She wiped her hands of her peach coloured apron and nodded in an understanding way. Eriol too mirrored her expression of disappointment and gently took her hand and tugged her foreword to hug her.

Tomoyo forced a smile and then suddenly her eyes flickered to me as Eriol spoke. I veered my attention towards the small chandelier that hung from the ceiling. When I looked back he was kissing the top of her forehead and rocking her very slowly. It was obvious they had a relationship of some kind.

Eriol released her and opened the door.

"Sakura will stay with you until I get back." He told her.

"Sakura, it's so nice to see you again." She said bowing politely and smiling widely. "I hope you've recovered ok."

"Oh, yes. I never got to thank you." I said staring at the ground and feeling uncomfortable.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Eriol promised her. His tone was at the softest I think I ever heard it. His manner certainly altered around Tomoyo.

He signalled me to follow him out of the house.

"I've never been a bodyguard before? What do I have to do?" I asked feeling panic rise in me.

"Look its easy enough. If you see anyone lurking around, shoot them. Stay in the same room as Tomoyo and that's it." He said shrugging and tossing a hand gun at me.

I felt my heart beat pulse faster with the thoughts of having this much responsibility without Syaoran's supervision.

"You know how to shoot don't you?"

"Yeah of course."

"Then you should have no problems. But," He said lowering his voice and descending his face inches from mine. "If anything, _anything_ happens to Tomoyo. You better run. Because I _will_ find you, and I _will _kill you." There was no trace of humour in his voice, just cold harsh honesty.

I gulped. He was so deadly serious that my brain told me to cop on and not fuck this one up. He got in the car and sped away. It wasn't until the roar of his car faded out that I brought myself to move in towards the house.

Tomoyo was in the kitchen when I returned. She had her back to me and was putting away some plates and humming an almost inaudible tune.

"Are you hungry Sakura-chan?" She asked over her shoulder in a cheery voice.

"Um… no thank-you Ms Daidouji." I answered.

My eyes were drawn to the dining table. Two red candles stood in the middle and rose petals were placed delicately between them. The cutlery lay parallel to porcelain plates with blue flowers hand painted on them. A lot of effort went into this. There was certainly a romantic element to it.

I bet this is what angered Eriol. This night had been planned, perhaps planned several days ago. You could tell by the fine detail that a lot of effort went into it on Tomoyo's part, even though it was for only two people.

I could then understand the disappointment she must have felt when Eriol told her that Meiling had other plans.

"Oh Sakura, you can call me Tomoyo, everyone else does."

My stomach growled giving away my hunger.

"Sit down." She said softly and pointed towards the dining seats.

I stood ridged and could practically hear Eriols voice in my head telling me to stay put and do my job.

"Oh don't take Eriol so seriously. Honestly, he can be adorably over-protective of me sometimes. He exaggerates a lot. Nobody has _ever_ attacked me here. _Ever_. Meiling just wants to be safe so she doesn't lose my parents as dealers. Trust me; put your feet up, the other guys do when they have to 'bodyguard' me. And I can't waste all this food can I? Won't you join me?" She had a gentle and calming way of phrasing things that made me feel at ease.

"Thank you Mrs Daid- Tomoyo."

She flicked the lights on full and blew out the red candles thus taking the formality out of it.

She placed a mountain of food on my plate in comparison to her tiny portion.

"So how are you fitting in with everybody?" She said casually whilst twirling a strand of lavender hair in her finger.

She seemed genuine however I had the feeling she wished I was Eriol. She must have been so disappointed.

"Fine." I answered briefly. "It's tough." I added trying to make the conversation flow more.

"Syaoran seems to have fate in you."

"For now." I said laughing a little with the mention of his name. "How long have you been working for Meiling?"

"Oh, I don't really work for her. I'm a nurse and occasionally Syaoran or Takashi or someone comes through my door with fatal wound. I guess I'm somewhat their surgeon." She laughed

"That must be tough on you."

"Not really, in fact, if anything it brings excitement into my life. I'm rarely permitted to leave the house so the action usually comes to me." She smiled.

"At least you have Eriol." I said.

Her smile became tight and I had the feeling I stuck my foot in it. "That's…complicated."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I…I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." She said placing a white hand over mine. "You can talk to me Sakura. I know all of this must be so hard on you. I can't empathise I suppose…but just know you can confide in me." Though I only knew Tomoyo in total about an hour, she had a warm a motherly presence about her.

She made me feel at ease and possibly at my safest here. Her caring face calmed me into being more myself.

After dinner she cleared away the dishes and brewed green tea which I soon learned was her specialty. I found myself relaxed enough to engage in full conversation. I soon learned Tomoyo was nineteen last month making her just under two year older than me, although Tomoyo was way ahead of her time, more mature and independent than most girls my age.

The relationship between herself and Eriol was indeed complicated. She had met Eriol four years ago when he was sent to bodyguard her. Eriol, I learned was Meiling's first hired assassin when she succeeded her father. He had served her with complete loyalty and obedience and even took a bullet for her. As reward for this, Eriol received Meiling's blessing to be with Tomoyo. However, in this profession, to 'be' with someone was not what it would be outside our world.

"Eriol's job comes before everything else. He serves Meiling first because that's his duty. I'm not bitter about it, I presumed that anyway. We're not and probably never will be like a normal 'couple'. He rarely stays here with me, mainly because he never sleeps. We have to make sacrifices…" she said dully.

"If it hurts so much, why do you do it?" I asked out of curiosity.

She seemed thrown off by this question. "Um…because I love him." She said blushing slightly and looking down at her teacup.

"And when Meiling dismisses him from his job, we'll move away, and be together properly." She said in a cheery voice.

"When will that be?" I asked not being able to imagine 'Li' with the absence of Eriol.

A dark look hovered over her eyes for a second. "Soon, well, that's what he always says."

X x x

Eriol didn't return for hours later but surprisingly Tomoyo wasn't worried.

"I've grown to expect that. If he doesn't return within two days, then I'll get worried." She said casually whilst sipping her tea.

"Two days? Then what do you do?"

She shrugged, "Nothing I can do…I sit and wait."

"That must be tough."

"It is."

We were now sitting on her porch looking into a misty black sky.

"How are you dealing with your loss?" She asked suddenly.

I felt a sting in my chest. I must have had a shocked expression because she immediately began to apologise.

"Sakura-chan, I'm sorry I didn't mean to thread on a nerve."

"No it's ok." I said ignoring the swell in my aching chest. "It's just… no one has asked me about that since I got here."

It was true. Nobody, not even Syaoran inquired on how _I _was actually coping with the loss of both my brother and mother. I had no real time to morn them.

"_You can cry tonight to your hearts content. But after that, you may never cry again."_

Due to Syaorans stern comment, I felt I had to force any inner turmoil to the back of my mind and focus on my ultimate mission, to eventually assassinate my father. Until then, the only morning I've done is quiet sniffling in my room at night after my training. Even then I had to hold back for fear Rika or Fanran would hear me and see me in my weakness.

But to my misfortune, a hot tear rolled heavily down my cheek. I caught it with the back of my hand and averted my eyes downwards.

"Oh I'm so sorry Sakura." She said apologetically and rubbed her hand up and down my back.

"N-no i-its ok-k-k-ok." I stuttered unable to contain my emotions.

"You can cry Sakura, it's only me." She said unknowingly going exactly against Syaoran's orders.

She pulled my head against the crook of her neck as if I were a distressed child and not an assassin in training.

I guess it was just the effect of Tomoyo but I couldn't help the overwhelming flood of tears that spilled over my eyelids.

"I-I j-just miss the s-so much a-and everyone expects s-so much fr-from me. I didn't even g-get to say g-good-b-bye to them. They probably didn't e-even g-get a f-funeral." I babbled feeling both mortified and overwhelmed at the same time.

Tomoyo soothed me by rocking me gently back and forth. I hated this, hated being so weak. I will I was tough like Syaoran and Fanran. I wish I could do my mother proud.

"You and your mother must have been close huh?" she said smiling softly.

"When she was home." I answered lifting my head from her and drying my heavy eyes with the back of my fingers. "I never knew this side to her. Never in my life would I have thought that she was a killer. She hid it so well."

"I suppose Nadeshiko was always like that. Possessing the perfect balance of both worlds yet maintaining the utmost dignity, loyalty and grace."

I smiled liking the way she summed up my mother.

"Unfortunatly I didn't know your brother very well. But I'm sure he would have been the same."

"Your guess is probably as good as mine." I said.

She looked at me puzzled and waited for me to elaborate.

"Toya and I never really knew each other. We went to separate private schools and rarely saw each other. He was quiet, kept to himself and was never very sociable with anyone. I remember da- Fujitaka always telling us we weren't good enough at anything. He took time out every day to insult us but I never took it to heart because I honestly didn't care. Toya however, did. He was always trying to better himself and prove something, but that always ended up not working out."

I hated to say it, as traumatic as it was to loose both of them, my mother effected me more. Of course Toya was my brother; I would of course miss him. However, the close bond between my mother and I made Toya and I look like strangers to each other.

"You and Fujitaka didn't always get along I presume." She said leaning her head back and closing her eyes listening to me.

I ran a hand through my hair and clenched my fingers in it to release some anger in me.

"No, even before all of this, I hated him. He'd tell me what a disappointment I was, that if he could he would send me far, far away to a nunnery. My very existence annoyed him. He hated the very air I breathed; I guess there never was any love between us. I didn't even care for his treatment of me, but the thing that really got to me, was how he treated my mother."

I sighed loudly and fought the urge to kick something.

"He never hit her and I guess I know why now." I sneered imagining the thoughts of that skinny bastard trying to lay a finger on a professional killer, "Always belittling her, treating her as his secretary rather than a wife. Asshole" I grunted under m breath.

"You've been through so much Sakura. The fact that you still stand today is a miracle. You underestimate yourself a lot."

For a while I didn't reply. I sat and collected myself until I heard the distant and familiar rumble of his car outside. Tomoyo and I remained silent listening to the sound of footsteps lightly making their way towards us.

"Good evening Li." Tomoyo said bowing her head towards him slightly.

"Good evening ladies." He smirked and walked under the dim porch light.

"Oh my God!" I spluttered and shot up straight.

He had blood sprayed across his chest and some on his face. I brought my hand to my mouth and examined any wounds he may have inflicted.

"Relax," He said holding up his hands, which were also blood stained. "It's not my blood."

"Oh," I said calming down and feeling stupid for re-acting that way. "I take it the mission worked out then."

"Yeah," He said leaning against the porch door. "Tsukishiro will be pissed though."

I felt myself blush. My dour mood suddenly lightened with his presence. His newly obtained cuts added the thrill of danger to him.

"I take it my Eriol is ok?" Tomoyo said sipping her tea.

"As always, he walks away scratch free."

"And does he have any plans to stop by to visit little old me?"

"As soon as he washes to blood stains out of his shirt." He said winking at her.

Tomoyo smiled at this thought.

"Seeing as you're still alive Mrs Daidouji I take it your latest bodyguard is not too bad?" Syaoran said with humour and nudging me.

"Yes she is. Second only to Hiiragizawa himself. I do hope you will stop by in the future Sakura. I enjoyed our talk."

I felt slightly elated that Tomoyo liked my presence. She indeed was a humble person. Maybe after all I have gained a friend.

"Of course Tomoyo-san, thank you for dinner."

She nodded and I slipped away to follow Syaoran outside.

"That seemed to go well," He commented as he drove.

"Yeah," I said suddenly consumed in a world of my own.

He remained silent, probably sensing my off mood. A million things were circulating my mind at once. I was in a state of anger due to talking about Fujitaka. I felt the familiar annoyance of knowing he was out there walking freely.

Then my mind floated to something else. Sitting next to Syaoran reminded me of earlier. I remembered the look of almost panic in his eyes back in the office, as if internally upset at Meiling's request. I shook my head; I must have interpreted it wrong. Yet I couldn't shake it from my head, it was so strange. What was stranger was the sudden chilling glance he gave me as if he wanted me away from him.

"If you want I can take you home with me?" He suddenly said.

"What!" I asked with a raised eye.

"Well, you don't seem eager to get out of the car so…I figured you're looking for an invitation to come home with me."

I suddenly realised we were parked outside my apartment. I must have been seriously caught up in my thoughts.

"Sorry, I was just…daydreaming." I stepped out of the car as did he.

He leaned his back against the car and cocked his head towards me. I mirrored his stance knowing that this meant he wanted to say something. Usually it was to evaluate my training or my progress. Maybe he would comment on my aim, or reflexes in combat.

"So I was thinking….."

"Yes?" I said imitating his smirk. I leaned my head against my shoulder and looked up at him.

"Well…you've made quite some progress over the past few weeks. I think it's time for your test. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!" I gasped feeling a sickening amount of panic build inside me.

"Sakura." He said placing his hands on my shoulders and pulling me in inches from his face. "What have I told you before?" He said raising a perfect eyebrow.

I sighed and squeezed my eyes. "I'm better than I think I am." I answered sounding like a broken record.

"Exactly. And I just _know_ you're going to pass or- survive I should say." His smile was so sincere.

God it was so wrong to have butterflies right now.

Suddenly his expression turned worried, anxious even. He lifted his right hand from my shoulder to me face and with his forefinger, he touched the corner of my eye softly. I tried not to gasp at this strange gesture but then he whispered, "Have you been crying?"

I felt my stomach drop in fear. I didn't know how to answer that. Would he be disappointed if I did? Would he see me as weak now? If I lied no doubt he's see true it. So I just bit my lip and looked to the floor.

There was no wind howling to provide some distraction from answering, nor was there anyone that would draw me away from the situation.

"Tomoyo has that effect on people, so I hear." He said softly and cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

I was forced to look at him now. His eyes glistened with a sombre glow.

"I just… got to thinking." I said giving in.

So what if he's disappointed in me? Who cares...well that's a lie. In fact, over the past few weeks I've grown to seek Syaoran's approval. His opinion I hold in most regard, even above Meilings. I didn't want him to give up on me. I didn't want to give him any reason at all to doubt me, not after all this time. I just wanted him to…like me…

His touch, which was so soft, moved from my chin to place a loose strand of hair behind my ear so that my face came into full view.

"Thinking about what?" He said in a voice that was neither disapproving nor angry.

"First, about my mother, and Toya, then…him." My voice went bitter.

He nodded understandingly. "You'll get your revenge. But until then Sakura, you can't let anger cloud your judgment, especially not so close to your test."

"I know." I said biting my lip and avoiding the luring look of his amber eyes. "I just…I just want him….to pay. I want to hurt him so bad for what he did. It's not fair he walks around freely and I just wait around and-"

"Sakura," He said taking my shaking hand. Anger was racing through my veins ferociously. I took deep breaths and Syaoran gazed at me worryingly. Once again his hand made gentle contact with my cheek and manage to silence me.

"The best revenge isn't quick and bloody. If it were, then I would have let you kill him the first night I brought you here. It's in the waiting, and careful planning that makes revenge sweet. The time isn't right. You have to be patient. I promise you, it will be worth it. You have so much more in you then vengeance Sakura, one day, you'll be as great as your mother, I'll see to it that that happens." The determination in his voice sent my heart beating irregularly hard.

For a moment, we stood inches from each other under the warm orange streetlight. An intense gaze on both parts kept us from parting ways. With each day that went by I saw myself longing for his company, his presence, yet fearing it. I have become too reliant on him. I wonder if he ever thought the same. Had he ever taken a moment to wonder where I was, or what I was doing?

Probably not. I was just a girl, a rookie who consumed his time. Maybe he felt like he owed me something, maybe he did it for my mother. Maybe he just pitied me.

As if realising how long we stood there, he slowly dropped his hand from my cheek and brought to his side, his fingertips grazing my arm on the way. But close we stood still…

"Thanks Syaoran. You're probably right anyway."

"Probably," He agreed and grinned.

I really wanted to cease the opportunity to ask him about my mother. To reel all the information he knew about her from his mouth. It was the perfect chance, we were so close I felt he would happily answered anything I asked.

But then, suddenly, his body stiffened and he sharply whirled his head upwards towards the apartments. I too did the same and saw a curtain flutter in one of the apartment buildings. I then recognised it as my apartment, and the windows as Rikas.

Was she there all the time? Watching us? I felt a sudden fear build up once again. What did she see? More importantly, how would she interpret it?

Shit…

I practically lunged back from him to create distance. "Um…I should go now."

He nodded in agreement as if thinking the same. We both felt a flush of embarrassment as we parted ways. I slowed before I reached the corner of my apartment block to risk a glance back. You can imagine my surprise to find that he was doing the same.

Coincidence, I told myself as I slipped inside the building. My mood was elated and I couldn't help the grin that stayed on my lips.

Thankfully everyone was asleep when I entered. I felt my way around the pitch black room and made little noise as I could. I eased myself onto my bed and turned on my light. I froze as I recognised someone was standing statue-like at my door.

"Syaoran shows a keen interest in you, doesn't he?" Rika said in a bare voice.

I looked at her and saw she was not wearing a wicked smile with a victorious gleam in her eyes. Her expression was dead, emotionless, with a tinge of annoyance.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said whilst standing up. "Get out. I don't want you in my room."

She raised a thin eyebrow at my resistance and uncrossed her arms. To purposely anger me she took an exaggerated step into the room.

"Someone's getting a backbone." She remarked with a hint of mockery. "Is Syaoran that good of a 'mentor'"

"Shut up Rika. I told you I don't know what you're talking about so leave-"

"I bet he tells you all the time that you're better than anyone he's ever trained, I bet he presses his body real close to you when he teaching you to shoot, I bet he wink secretly to you so you feel special, am I right?" She said stepping inches from me almost as Syaoran was before.

My body stiffened and I felt myself pale. When I looked back at it all, he did make me feel special.

"You actually think you're the first one? You think that you, _you, _attracted the interest of the infamous Syaoran Li?" She snickered holding her sides.

I remained tight lipped and wished Fanran would sense my situation and awaken to defend me.

"Well let me tell you something, honey," She said cocking her head to the side and brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear, almost mocking the way Syaoran did. That proved she indeed saw us.

Suddenly her hand clamped my face in her hand. "If in a hypothetical world, you actually passed your test, and that's _if,_ believe me, he'll lose interest in a child like you, and then return to _her_ bedroom."

Her hold became tighter around my jaw. In a surge of anger I struck her arm away from me and manage to pin her against the wardrobe with my arm applying intense pressure to my neck.

"I don't know what you're talking about but you listen to me. When, and _when_ I pass my test, things will change around here between you and I because I'm getting pretty pissed off with your bullshit." I spat through gritted teeth.

I could have killed her there and then for all the things she said to me since I came here despite the fact she was bigger than me. I wanted her to suffer; I wanted her to have the same fate as my father would. She dropped to her knees when I released her.

She composed herself ungracefully and shot a glare at me.

"You may act tough. But you're still a fucking child, and one day they'll see what I see. Nevertheless," She said dusting herself off unaffected. "As I said, it will always be her he goes too, never you. Keep that notion out of your head."

"I still don't know what you're talking about, and I don't want to." I said bitterly.

"You'll find out soon enough." She said not taking her cold eyes off me until she slipped through my door.

God she could infuriate me to the core. Even long after I went to bed I still had residue of anger left in my veins. But, anger diminishes as sleep consumes.

There were so many facades in this underworld that hid under non-genuine smiles. There was Meiling's smile, wicked and cold. Rika's venomous conniving smirk that held contempt for me, Fanran's crooked smile that held pity and worry for me which was something I didn't want. There was Tomoyo's soft smile that was genuine yet a sadness that I was not the person she wanted me to be, and then there was Eriol, who rarely smiled at all.

But through all this there was Syaoran. Syaorans beautiful smile that hid nothing. Syaoran, who believed in me. Syaoran, who seemed to have no secrets. Rika's words hit a nerve. To whatever she was referring to I didn't know. What was it he would lose interest in? Was she even suggesting he felt an iota of something for…me?

I shook my head to myself. There was no way that was possible. But how did Rika know all of that. Unless… once upon a time Rika was just a girl like me who trusted Syaoran as a friend. Maybe she felt something for him once…or maybe I'm completely of the radar.

The question was, did I actually feel something for him?...a week ago I would have scoffed at this question but now…I actually didn't know. Did I…have a slight crush on Syaoran Li? Was I somewhat attracted to the dark mysterious persona of him?

I chuckled a little not mentally answering that.

Maybe I did have a little…tiny…crush….

It didn't matter anyway. It's not like anything would come out of it anyway. I wouldn't even dream of taking up a flirtatious manner towards Syaoran. Teenage romances were a thing of the normal world, a place I left behind, not of this violent and dangerous world. Besides, as if he would like a girl like me when he could have anyone. It wasn't even worth thinking about. It would simply never happen. I'm certain if I did actually like him, I'm sure I'd get over him in a week…

The thoughts of Syaoran and I, together, was completely ridiculous….

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Sorry this chapter is extra long!**

**There will be more of the Rae/Syaoran POV's in my next update which fingers crossed will be soon!**

**R&R!**


	7. Destined for Heartbreak

**Rae's POV**

_Present Day_

I stood ridged in front of the door and contemplated on whether or not to open it.

In the kitchen I could hear light shuffling to signal that he was awake. I didn't sleep all night. I was so ashamed of last night's events, embarrassed even. I acted like a child in the heat if anger and now I didn't know how to face him.

If he even was considering letting me stay here, I gave him plenty of reason to re-think that.

I sighed loudly. How was I to do this? How could I convince him to let me stay?...did I even want to?

The sound of pots clanking of each other echoed throughout the apartment.

Slowly and with much hesitance I opened the door. I creaked loudly and silenced any movement from the kitchen. In my bare feet I navigated myself towards the kitchen to find him with a garbage bag in his hand. The smell of beer contaminated the kitchen and made my stomach churn.

He froze in his six foot frame when he saw me.

At first we both said nothing. A guilty look consumed us both. Looks like I wasn't the only one who was embarrassed.

"Good morning." I said meekly.

It was pathetic, but at least something was said.

"…hi."

He shuffled uncomfortably and at a loss for words.

"I eh…" I sighed loudly; there was no point in beating around the bush. "I'm sorry for last night… I was acting like a brat…I didn't mean-"

He put his hand up to silence me. "Don't be sorry, I didn't exactly handle the situation very well. I just…well I don't know what to say…you're…my daughter."

Hearing him say it out aloud was so strange and foreign to me. To refer me as that…I couldn't imagine myself getting use to it.

Again he looked away awkwardly and continued doing whatever he was doing. He had a black garbage bag in his hand and was bending over to pick up cans that were scattered across the floor.

"Are you…cleaning?" I asked raising my eyebrow slightly amused.

"Just because I'm use to living in a sty doesn't mean you have to." He said resuming to cleaning.

I stood poker straight as a smile broke out on my face.

"Does that mean that I…I can stay?" I asked giddily and clasping my hands together.

A small smile formed on his lips.

"I guess it does."

I felt a wave of relief crash over me.

"I don't take up much room, and I can clean and aunt Tomoyo taught me how to cook and-"

"I told you can stay, you don't have to give me a reason ok?"

I tried to contain myself and just to prove my worth I grabbed a garbage bag and helped him. We moved almost in sync. I couldn't believe the amount of latent cans there were in the apartment.

We worked for hours in silence. It was not awkward, it was a comfortable silence. We spent the day making small talk as we cleaned every corner of the apartment. It was almost like a bonding exercise, except I was the only one who was talking.

When he came back from bringing out the garbage he collapsed onto the sofa and threw his feet onto the coffee table thus mimicking my actions. He rolled his head backwards so that he was facing the ceiling.

"What happens now?" I asked blowing hot air out of my cheeks.

He placed his hands over his eyes and paused for a moment.

"I suppose first things first, we better find out what happened to make Tomoyo disappear."

"I haven't a clue. She never told me anything." 

"Think, you must remember something, anything unusual that happened."

I pulled my knees to my chest and thought deeply as I told him about the rock incident, Tomoyo's reaction, followed by our sudden departure. He listened intently as if to mentally picture the events that happened.

"That sounds like a trigger for something. Was there a note attached to it or anything?"

"…I can't remember…she hid it so quickly that I barely noticed it."

"What about people? Anyone unusual visit you?"

I too, threw my head back and screwed up my mouth in thought. "Our valley was so quiet with so few people. No body every really called. Aunt Tomoyo went into town every now and again, but no one significant."

He mused to himself in silence. Then…something clicked.

"Well…there was one person…I thought was strange." I said biting my lip. "Actually, it's probably nothing really."

"Who?" He asked wanting details.

I threw my mind back to several encounters of the mysterious person who would visit Aunt Tomoyo.

_**Flashback**_

As I entered the house there was a strange sort of silence. Aunt Tomoyo was always in the kitchen when I arrived home from school, and if she wasn't I could always hear her singing from some corner of the house to signal she was here. But today there was a silence.

"Tomoyo?" I asked hearing nothing but my echo bounce back at me.

I dumped my schoolbag by the door and half-ran out the back to try and find her there. I knew something was wrong. Though I was only six, I already knew I had a sixth sense for danger. My tiny legs brought me out to the garden porch.

Our garden stretched out half an acre and at the end I saw two figures facing each other. Tomoyo stood with an expression on her face that I never witnessed in my whole life. Her hair, which would normally be soft and placed perfectly around her shoulders was flustered and tousled wildly around her.

The man stood with the same expression. His features sharp were sharp and his hair untamed over his eyes. For a moment I froze in my petite tracks and watched them for a second thinking that they resembled a tragic love story.

Though my mind was undeveloped to interoperate these adult situations, I could still clearly see them standing there when I closed my eyes. The image of the two was so startlingly strange, yet as I said, I usually interoperate things wrong.

His head suddenly snapped in my direction. Even in the distance between us I could clearly see his blue eyes glowing with a strong emotion. Tomoyo too, with tear stained eyes looked to my direction.

"Oh," She said pulling her hands out of his. "Rae." She said smiling her usual soft smile.

I wouldn't have suspected anything if it weren't for her blotchy red eyes giving away some distress.

She made her way over too me wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "You're home early." She said knowing that I always came home at this time. "Come on, get out of those school clothes before you get dirty," She placed a hand on my back to guide me away.

But my feet remained stubbornly rooted to the ground.

"Who are you!" I shouted at him before he came to close to us. He stopped about ten feet from us and cocked his head to the side but keeping his blue eyes on me. "You mades Aunt Tomoyo cwy!" I yelled taking a brave step in front of Tomoyo as if to protect her from this intruder.

He stared down at me not moving and then slowly curled his lips upwards, humoured by my bravery.

"Rhaya," Tomoyo said using my first name which meant something was serious. "This is Mr Hiiragizawa, he's a good friend of mine, I want you to be nice to him." Tomoyo kept her eyes on him, never leaving his sight.

Aunt Tomoyo never brought someone like him home. This man dressed in black and clearly not a local.

He got down on one knee about a foot from me and offered me his hand, smiling sincerely. "It's very nice to meet you Miss Rhaya, but I'm not here to make your aunt Tomoyo cry. I care about her just as much as you do."

I would have remained sceptical, but the vibes I got from him were good. His eyes gave away no threat nor did they seem to hide something sinister. It was rare I would warm up to people so quickly. With that, I shook his hand, thus accepting him as Tomoyo's friend.

"Go on upstairs now Rae, change from those clothes."

I half ran from them and clambered up the stairs. However, my curiosity grounded me to the top of the stairs to eavesdrop.

"So that's her then?" I heard him say.

"Yeah, that's her." I could almost hear a smile in her voice.

"She looks just like her, and acts just like him…"

"Yeah…she's everything to me. Eriol…please tell me you're not going back."

"I have to Tomoyo…"

I left quickly as my attention span would not allow for anymore knowledge.

That was not the last I saw of Mr Hiiragizawa. He was the first man to stay at our house that night. But then he left. There would be three, maybe four month gaps between his visits. He would just show up unexpectedly and every time Tomoyo would welcome him with open arms, and every time her left she would cry. I never knew why, she never liked to talk about it when I asked. I just accepted that Mr Hiiragizawa was a routine in our strange little life.

In a way I hated his visits because they only brought pain to Tomoyo, yet brought her great happiness when he did. I just thanked God that his visits were brief with long intervals in between. He was indeed a gentleman who was polite to me and unbelievably good to Tomoyo. He never gave away secrets no matter how I prodded him. He found my humorous and liked to tease me with his wit.

He was an unusual, yet an accepted part of our life.

The last time I saw him was six months before my fourteenth birthday. Tomoyo would wait for him to come. I'd catch her staring out into the valley hoping that one day a stranger name Hiiragizawa would appear on our doorstep. She tried not to make it obvious, but I saw. She cared about him like he said he did to her. But he never came back…

_**End of Flashback**_

Syaoran blinked twice as he pieced together what I told him.

"So Eriol visited you. Even after all these years, he still would rick life and limb for her, the man that never dies." He said amused at the inside joke.

"What do you mean? Tomoyo and Eriol were…"

"Lovers. For years, before everything got fucked up, before they were separated." He said sadly and ran a hand through his thick brown hair. My heart sank. I never got to know that side of Tomoyo. This side that loved a man so deeply he reduced her to tears. Why was their relationship so strange? If he truly loved her, he would have stayed wouldn't he?

"Still, it doesn't explain why Tomoyo did what she did. Tomoyo is a sensible person, she thinks logically; she wouldn't just up and leave."

"So what do we do? I can't remember anything else." I said apologetically and slumped my head into my knees.

"At the moment, nothing. I have to make some calls, go find people whom I haven't talked to in a _long_ time."

"I'm sorry." I whispered, "I didn't mean to screw up your life by being here."

"It's not your fault Rae." He said for the first time referring to me as my full name. "Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it. You're presence here just confirms it." He said looking into his palms. "Besides…I'm…glad you came to me."

"Liar." I laughed.

"I'm not lying." He smirked. "It's not everyday you find out you've got a daughter, and not everyday she finds you after fourteen years." He smiled genuinely at me for the first time. The whole atmosphere seemed to lift. We made progress since yesterday. "So…maybe we could…get to know each other." He said still concentrating on his hands.

I felt warmth in my stomach. Was this…an invitation? Did Syaoran Li, my father want to get to know me?

I let it sink in before daring to ask the thing that has been pondering on my mind for a while now.

"Can I ask you something?" I said looking into his amber eyes.

"I guess." He said in a relaxed way which eased my apprehension.

"…what was she like?"

He looked back at me then flopped back into the couch. "She was stubborn, headstrong, even infuriating at times. She challenged me in ways no one ever did. Yet…she was the most…wonderful woman I ever met, and I loved her very, very deeply." He sighed which told me that tragedy had kept them apart.

"What happened? How did you end up here? Away from her?"

"It's a long story Rae, it would bore you."

"No it wouldn't. I want to know, every last detail." I said practically on the edge of my seat.

He rubbed a hand against his square jaw and pulled something silver from his pocket.

The tablet.

"Do you know how your mother got this?" He asked showing me its shiny surface that read '_S.K.103' _"Sakura Kinomoto, number 103. The day she got this, was the day I knew I felt something strong for her. I never thought I would feel love again before her. But she changed all that…"

He played with it between his fingers, looping the chain through his fingers as he reminisced out loud, the story of my mother's bravery and courage…

X x x

**Sakura's POV**

_Seventeen years ago_

"So we kidnapped this guy." He said opening the door to the warehouse.

It was freezing and in the night air and I shivered beside him.

"And…?" I asked with my teeth chattering against each other.

The doors groaned as he pushed them and the echo made the hairs on the back of my neck stand. It was eerily silent. Meilings storage of drugs and arms was kept in here and patrolled regularly but tonight there wasn't a soul in the place apart from Syaoran and I. But we were not here for that. Today was my test and I was absolutely terrified.

"We took him to base, tortured him a little, told him we would kill his family etc…"

"That's horrible." I gasped looking shocked. "Why did you do that?"

"He stole from Meiling, she wanted to teach him a lesson."

"A little extreme don't you think?"

"Just following orders," He shrugged and proceeded to walk towards the centre of the warehouse.

The relationship between Syaoran and I had changed since last night. He didn't speak as harshly, nor was he critical about my training. He didn't mention anything about my test. No matter how much I pleaded and pried his lips never gave away anything. All he said was, "If you fail, you die. If you pass, you're one of us."

Not exactly comforting. He barely said anything to me in training today. I took it as a sign that I was doing ok, or maybe it was too late to correct me.

"We're not going to kill his family; it was just for dramatic effect. But we riled him up a bit, starved him, beat him etc."

I twisted my face in disgust. Why was he telling me this?

"What exactly did he steal?" I asked trying to keep up with his large steps.

He threw something silver back at me. I snatched it from the air into my hands. Uncurling my fingers from it I saw it was a silver chain with a blank shiny tablet on it. I raised an eyebrow and ran my thumb across its smooth surface.

"He stole this?"

"That," He said grabbing a crowbar and using it to unhook something in the ground. "is worth a _lot_ of money. This geezer got greedy and try to take more than his fair share."

He grunted as he pried open a door that was sunken into the floor. Some dust flew upwards. He grabbed the door, flexing his muscles as lifted up the heavy door upwards. It slammed onto the concrete with a roaring crash. I crept up beside him to stare into the black abyss.

"There's an underground?"

"There are several." He said smirking.

The smell of old dust wafted upwards and the sight of the grey floor beneath became visible.

"He's down there." He said down on his knees.

I copied his actions and bravely poked my head into the hole, feeling its coldness brush my face. I shuddered and retreated back.

"So….we have to get the tablets back off him?" I said standing up beside him to dust off my trousers.

"No…not we….you do."

Before I could react I felt his hand roughly push me into the hole. I landed roughly on my feet and shuddered when my hand touched the freezing cold floor. Something hard landed beside me and bounced a few times before settling beside my hand. It was my gun and it winked at me temptingly.

He threw the tablet down to me. He leaned over and rested his head on his hand.

"This is your test. Retrieve the other tablet from him, and then kill him."

I froze and looked left and right down the narrow chilling hallways.

"You have him locked up down there." I asked with my voice quaking

"No, he's not locked up. We gave him a gun. If he kills you, we promised him we'd give him his freedom. You are hunting each other...only one of you can live…I warn you, he's pretty pissed off _and_ he's kinda an ex assassin. I think he was in the navy too."

My eyes expanded at his words. Suddenly this underground seemed more claustrophobic. He suddenly looked seven stories high up. There was no ladder in which to lead me back up to him. I was trapped. I gripped the gun in my hand.

"Does he have to die?" I gulped.

He nodded his head with a stern look on his face. "We'll be checking for his body afterwards so don't try letting him go or anything. He must die, for you to pass."

Again I swirled my head back and forth looking helpless. "How do I get out?"

"There's a tunnel on the second floor down under some cargo. It will lead you to the sewers and then there will be a ladder to bring you back up to the surface again."

I nodded and tightened my grip around the gun.

"Good luck. Remember what I thought you, and you won't fail." He said with a slight curve of his lip.

The door slammed down with an earth quaking thud that echoed throughout the whole underground.

An eerie and chilling silence descended. There was very little light apart from the almost greenish lights that still worked. I wasn't going to lie, I was scared. The thoughts of a deranged stared and beaten ex assassin did tie knots in my stomach. My heart began to pulse in my brain as I edged my way against the grimy wall. I held my gun to the side and crouched low as I tiptoed across narrow corridors.

The black corridors were endless with so many twists and turns. I could here occasional thuds here and there but whether they were in my mind or not was beyond me.

I emerged into what seemed like an abandoned underground warehouse. Biting my lips I edged foreword to see that not a thing stirred. Where was he? Was it possible he sees me? Am I unknowingly being hunted?

Come on Sakura, there's no time to think about that.

As soon as my foot stepped out of the corridor I heard a bullet ricochet of a barrel a foot away from me.

I let out a small gasp and slammed my body against the cold wall. My heart beat uncontrollably and my hands in their frightened state began to tremble.

Think Sakura you will _not_ lose this. Remember what Syaoran taught you!

I heard a thud followed by rapid footsteps coming my way.

Shit!

"Where the fuck are you, you bastard come out!" Screamed a nasally voice.

I dashed to the other side feeling bullets nip my ankles and I threw myself behind metal barrels.

Feeling a weird sense of adrenaline I shook off all anxiety and ducked in and out to shoot at the target. He ducked behind a wall. Five minutes we spent peeking in and out from behind protection to shoot each other. We avoided close calls until finally my bullet plunged into his shoulder caused him to shriek out in pain. He collapsed on the floor for a second and the retreated too quickly for me to inflict any serious damage.

After a glimpse I saw he was a man in his late fifties. His hair was frosted white and he was about five foot seven. He was not intimidating looking but moved swiftly to suggest that he was trained.

Suddenly he let out a stock laugh. "They sent a child to kill me." He snickered then winced in pain. "Look kid, this is a very grown up game we're playing here. Why don't we just talk about this huh? I don't want to hurt you ok? Come on, we can work this out in a way that suits us both."

I literally stuck to my gun and didn't budge from the spot. God his offer sounded tempting but it was not something I would consider.

I said nothing as he went on and on about a truce I would not considered.

"Come on kid. I know what it's like in this world, it ain't easy. I know what Meilings like…we can work something out..."

I didn't answer him; instead I remained crouched and planned my next move.

"You will die tonight, there is no negotiation." I said with determination.

As if anger suddenly enraged him he bolted from behind the wall and lunged for me shooting aimlessly and missing me with every bullet. I kicked the barrel and watched it roll noisily towards him and knock him off balance.

When he fell I could hear the sound of his elbow shatter followed by his cry of pain. With his good arm he picked up his gun only to come to the horrible conclusion that his gun lay bullet-less. I saw the pupils in his eyes shrink in fear as I stood before him.

Make it quick, I told myself.

I hesitated to pull the trigger. My finger froze mere millimetres from achieving the task. I contemplated for so long I never even noticed the crowbar by his side. Both our eyes darted to it but it was he who reached for it first and swiped it across my ankles. The shock of it toppled me over onto my back. The impact on my skull made me dizzy and disorientated. The gun fell out of my hand and scraped the concrete as it slid further from my grasp.

He crashed down on top of my and pressed the crowbar heavily against my neck. My fingers clawed at his unreachable face and I panicked at the lack of oxygen. This was it, I was going to die. His jaw locked as he tried to increase pressure on my neck. His rugged tanned face was screwed up and determined to put an end to this. The wrinkles on his face deepened with intensity. If it weren't for his shattered elbow I knew he would have easily killed me by now. The weakness in his left arm gave me more time to think.

_When faced with death, there is always a way out of it. You just have to find it in time. _

That advice from Syaoran was the only thing that circulated around my mind. My eyes desperately scanned around for something, anything to save me. Then I had an idea.

I fixed my hand under the crowbar to temporarily apply pressure against him. My other hand felt its way through rubble until it met with a sharp object about five inches long. My sight began to haze and mist with each passing second.

"You should have listened to me kid, I could have helped you. You're just as stupid as the rest of them. They all think they're invincible because Meiling told them so. Well let me tell you something, one day all of them are going to bleed, just like the rest of us." He spat bitterly.

My body agitated from lack of breathing. Now was the time to strike.

My knee shot upwards to pelt his groin. He screamed and curled inwards. The pressure around my neck eased for a necessary amount of time to slash his face with the glass. His screams echoed throughout the whole warehouse as he retreated back. His hand covered the gash as his hand desperately scanned for a weapon.

Wasting no time I rolled over and crawled towards my gun. I still was hazy and slow to move. My body slumped against the wall to reload. God I wish this was over with.

He was crawling on all fours away from me as if I could not see him.

In three steps I was in front of him. He let his hand slip from his blood pumping face and I felt a twist in my stomach. His face was almost unrecognisable with the gash stricken down his face. The tip of my gun met his forehead and for once, I did not tremble.

"P-please." He stuttered with a broken voice much different from two seconds ago. "I h-have a fam-mily. They'll kill m-my children, my w-wife…" My heart did go out for him.

Had I not have been trained to remove my morals in a situation like this; I would have let him go. But there was a conscience that wouldn't not depart from me…

"Look, is this what you want?" He said taking a blank tablet from around his neck and dangling it in front of me. His fingers shook as he held it.

_He's only trying to survive, wouldn't you do the same? Can you do this Sakura? What would mom do?_

I bit my lip and gripped the gun tighter. Indeed, what _would_ my mother do? I'd like to think she'd show mercy, that she would understand, then again, I never really knew my mother did I?

"P-please" He started to cry.

It was so hard to emotionally turn myself away from the obvious murder I was going to commit. It felt so wrong to end it like this. I had to do something to make this easier…

"They don't have your family. And I promise you…no harm will ever come to them…ever. You have my word…"

This seemed to ease him. Then suddenly, a calmed look consumed his face, a look of acceptance.

"P-promise me."

"I promise."

"It's not worth it, all of this, the power, Meiling, it's not worth it…"

I didn't know what he meant by this. But the look of acceptance on his face told me there was nothing left to say. I gave him my word, and I would stick to that.

I didn't even blink when I pulled the trigger. His body stayed upright for a split second, then slowly slumped to the concrete as blood dripped from his head. A sickness rose from me stomach, the first person I have ever killed lay at my feet.

I fought through it and bent down to take the chain from around his neck. I felt its cold silver between my fingers. All this violence for this?

Then from nowhere another gun shot grazed my shoulder. My eyes scanned every corner and identified a man standing on the floor above me and looking down a sniper gun. I gritted my teeth and felt a sudden rage take over. Taking a deep breath I used all of my concentration to aim for him. He fell backwards as my bullet made painful contact with his shoulder. He didn't stir as he fell to the ground.

Fuck you Syaoran, I mumbled to myself. I simply couldn't believe he sent a _second _person after me. My heart was going ninety from the shock of it all.

Instead of grumbling to myself I limped down to the ground floor, stumbling a few times before locating the boxes which concealed my exit. It took a while to remove them from the escape door.

Using the crowbar I opened the door, grunting in pain as I did so. The first thing to hit me was the rank smell of sewerage wafting out of the hole. Looking around me I saw there was no other escape route and I didn't want to go looking for one anyway considering there was another person lurking around here. Without any further delay I grabbed onto the ladder and proceeded downwards into the revolting stench.

For twenty minutes I trudged in pain through the sewers with ankle deep in the rankness I didn't even want to think about until finally a dim ring of light became visible above me. A ladder stemmed down from it. I nearly cried to think that I would in fact make it. My body was so weak from climbing, walking, running and from previous wounds inflicted on me. My ankles ached and bruised painfully with every step I took. It was the longest two minutes of my life when finally I emerged into the fresh night air. The top half of my body slumped onto concrete and its earthly smell actually relieved me.

"No. Fucking. Way." Said someone a few yards away from me.

With much effort I lifted my head up to see Syaoran, Eriol and Rika standing around a car and staring wide eyed at me. Rika, who had her hands clamped into Syaoran's arm with a flirtatious smile dropped her jaw in shock.

"Told you." I heard Syaoran whisper to them and roughly shake Rika off him.

He uncrossed my arms and lifted me out of the hole.

"Whoa, you reek." He said grinning.

"Before we proceed with congratulations, did you complete the task?" Eriol said in a neutral tone with a face expressionless. Nothing I do will ever impress him will it?

I retrieved the tablet from my pocket and threw it at him. He inspected it, and took his time in doing so.

"That proves nothing, how do we know he's even dead." Rika spat and leaned against the car.

"Maybe you should go now a check." I said through gritted teeth and really wanting to punch her lights out.

"We believe you." Syaoran said with a peculiar type of smile that made my heartbeat pulse slightly harder. Pity I wasn't looking my most attractive and basically smelled like shit...

From the first time since I've been here, Eriols cold, emotionless face cracked a subtle at me. Though it was short lived, it meant a lot to me.

"So what, she's one of us now, big fucking whoop." Rika's venom couldn't resist itself.

Not even Rika could sour my mood. So when I walked up to her I made sure to keep a chivalrous smile. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her in real close, a gesture that surprised them all.

"Thanks Rika, I really appreciate it." I said and smiled one of those exaggerated cheesy smiles she would show me when she was being sarcastic.

She knitted her eyebrows together in confusion but then a horrified expression consumed her face when she realised the contents on my arm now was caked onto her shoulder and back.

Syaoran and Eriol exploded into laughter at Rika's ear piercing scream. She ran from me not knowing what to do.

"Fuck you bitch I wished you died down there!" She screamed and huffed away which only made them almost keel over in laughter. "Fuck you!" She spat. I actually thought she would cry with humiliation.

She slammed her car door and sped away. Her obvious annoyance only added to the enjoyment of it all.

"Probably shouldn't have done that, she was your lift home." Eriol said making his way to his car.

"I rather walk." I said smiling to myself. "By the way, it was a bit sly sending a _second _person in there after me." I said leering at them both.

They both froze dead in their tracks and squinted.

"Second person?" Syaoran asked and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure it wasn't just one of us?"

"No, he shot at me. He sort of came from nowhere."

They both looked at each other with shocked expressions.

"I didn't send anyone in, did you?" Syaoran said defensively.

"I had nothing to do with it, I'll consult Meiling about it, although she had nothing to do with it either." Eriol drove off leaving both of us dumbfounded.

The fact the second attack wasn't planned made me nervous.

"Was someone actually trying to kill me?" I asked with my voice lowered to a whisper.

"I could have been a mistake," He said unconvincingly. "I'll figure it out." He said rubbing his jaw. It was obvious he was startled at this too. "Come on, I drive you back to base to clean off." Syaoran said winking at me. "Just don't get shit in my car." I laughed but my nerves were still on edge.

I sat in his car careful not to touch any part of his car. I was so glad he was here. Just being next to him was…I don't know… I just liked to be with him.

"Syaoran," I said not being able to resist.

He looked at me with his features softened. His chocolate hair was neatly in place for once with a few rebellious strands. Those amber eyes will never cease to make me blush. I bit the inside of my cheek and hesitated.

"Um…thanks…for believing in me when nobody else would."

I felt sort of embarrassed but I wanted him to know I wasn't taking his patience with me for granted. I appreciated his help. If it wasn't for him…I'd probably be dead.

He smiled genuinely as his fingers curled under my clean hand to clasp it very gently in his. I didn't gasp at his actions. Instead, my fingers wrapped tighter around his. It was a moment that I secretly had thought about but didn't give much attention to.

Again our eyes locked in intensity. I was unashamed to admit to myself that I felt something for him. For once I began to think that maybe…maybe… he-

"I should take you back to base." He said retrieving his hand from mine. But the smile that lingered on his face told me he appreciated it. I bit my lip from breaking out into a grin. As we passed under streetlights and passed derelict houses my thumb stroked the place his hand was. It was strange, this closeness between us. When I begin to think something is there… he suddenly reflects a sudden coldness that would diminish any trace of his feelings.

It was like he saw me differently, but changed his mind, as of hiding something.

I sighed inwardly. Maybe I was just wishfully thinking, maybe there were the feelings of a lonely little girl.

In my contemplation, his fingers subtly slipped themselves around mine, like they initially were.

"I'm proud of you. Though I knew you'd make it, you have the same drive Nadeshiko had."

I almost felt a tear come to my eye and without embarrassment I held onto his hand, even if he just thought of me as a friend, I didn't mind as long as he was on my side. He didn't let go and I wondered if he could feel the butterflies unleash inside me.

X x x

_Present Day_

Rae sat dreamy eyed and stared up at the ceiling as I finished telling her my memory.

Her body sunk into the tattered couch. She twirled a brown strand of hair around her finger. I realised then we mirrored each others posture, maybe she took after me in some ways.

"Whoa…she sounds…tough."

I smirked and leaned my head. "She was…and amazed me to no end."

"Do you think…she would have liked me?" Rae asked anxiously. "I mean…if she gave me up…there must have been something…wrong with me." She suddenly became anxious.

She was like a light switch, constantly changing emotions with whatever subject was brought up.

"Don't think like that." I said suddenly bringing her to silence. "She would have loved you, and still does. Whatever reasons she gave you up for would have been for your own good. She must have not seen another way out. But I know, giving you up was the last thing she would have ever wanted to do." I said it with such determination that I even surprised myself.

"Don't ever think like you were never wanted Rae. There's no doubt Sakura loved you just like Tomoyo did. None of this is your fault. It's ours and the fucked up decisions we made." I was angry, not at her but at myself. I was angry that our past had consequences on Rae.

Her face relaxed, she was happy to hear this. "How do you know that?"

"I just…I just know it's not what she would have wanted."

"Thank you Syaoran." She said meaning it. "…When was the last time you seen her." She asked sleepily.

I felt my chest tighten. "That's…a story for another night?" I said avoiding the subject.

"You will tell me though, won't you?" She asked rolling her head my way

"You have your mothers persistence." I said chuckling lightly "But I promise, I'll tell you more about her. It's late, you should go to sleep." I said yawning.

"Ok," She said sighing and stood up.

She scratched the back of her head, a trait I also had. Then slowly, with drowsy amber eyes she blinked and said, "This will work won't it?," She bowed her head and shuffled nervously, "You and I…living here together. We'll be ok won't we?"

"Of course we will… I'm warming up to you." I said winking at her.

She beamed; she knew for me, that was a yes. This could work, I told myself. I went from wanting nothing to do with her, to actually liking her presence.

She walked to her room without the need of crutches and closed the door with a silent thud.

In the silence I sat and I stared at the empty fireplace thinking about that event. That night would forever stay with me for reasons I did not reveal to Rae…

_Flashback seventeen years ago, the same night. _

My fingers trembled, why am I like this?

Sakura showered and I waited to take her back to her apartment. I couldn't wipe the small smile of my face. She did so good, not that I expected any thing less from her…

I threw her clothes into a plastic bag. I doubt she'll be wearing those again. I still felt the warmth of her hand on mine. I don't know what possessed me; I just…wanted to touch her, to reassure her. I knew she would survive, so why was I so worried? Why was it I wanted to go in there to check if she was ok?

"I'm ready." She said emerging from the bathroom wearing a new black uniform. Her damp hair matted against her cheeks and pronounced her beautiful mouth. She had the same nerves I did.

Maybe…maybe she sensed I was different. By the way she was looking at told me there was definitely something about us now. Never had I felt uneasy around any woman, not even Meiling. She was so different now. I saw her in a new light, a light that strayed away from a professional level.

"Here," I said throwing her the tablet.

She caught it then glanced at it. Her mouth dropped to a small 'o' when she read the new engraving.

'_S.K 103', _her official stamp that marked her acceptance into our world. "You're one of us now, no more training from me. You're on your own now."

I thought she would have been happy about that. No more harsh criticism from me, no more hours and hours of time together. Who knows how frequent we would see each other anymore. But instead, her eyes saddened.

"Oh…" She said looking down at it. "I hope that doesn't mean…you'll desert me altogether." She said in a hopeful tone. She chuckled nervously and bit her plump lip. It was not to be flirtatious, it was just something I noticed she did when she was nervous.

I don't know why it sent my heart beating faster. Why do I feel this way? I _never_ feel this way. I cleared my throat and scratched my head. "Well…if you ever need anything, I'd always have the time. Don't feel like you can't talk to me…" I said blushing ever so slightly not knowing where to look or what to do.

She smiled coyly and walked up to me. "I'd like that."

Her face was so close to mine. God she was so beautiful. Her green eyes sparkled and I could look at them for days. Her flawless skin glowed under the dim light. I knew, it would sadden me to not see her again. Why can't I stop thinking about her? Why is it I see her in the face of everyone? I'm supposed to be heartless; I'm suppose to not care, I'm supposed to not…_feel_.

But I knew I did.

Her eyes were undoubtedly telling me something that she was to shy to speak aloud. Was I to interoperate? What if I did so wrong? Then what?

Nothing was said, just silence. Then we simultaneously collapsed back into ourselves, awkwardly shuffling on our feet.

"Um…maybe we should go." She said in a melancholy tone. I hated to see her like that, I hated anything to cause her posture to cripple or break.

Damn it! What is wrong with me? Why can't I get a hold of myself? My brain told me to take her home and forget about these silly little butterflies in my stomach. But my heart, my cold, icy heart was kicking me for not taking advantage of the perfect moment.

"Sakura," I said taking her hand forcefully.

She whirled back and fell into my chest. Her eyes widened with surprise. My knees buckled. Now what Syaoran? There was no strategy to this, there was no planning, no goal, this was not a mission, this was not some assassination that simply involved following orders. I was on my own.

For once in my life something unarranged was happening to me. For once I could not see ahead or predict the consequences. I've never been so uncertain about something.

My brain silenced itself and allowed for the first time for my heart to speak. Feeling like no words could convey my current emotion, I kissed her.

At first, there was a moment of trepidation, of confusion on both parts. But when I felt her soft, soft lips respond positively, it was so natural. She smelled so sweet, and her lips felt so right. Her arms moved from my chest to circle around my neck to deepen the kiss.

Her small body felt so right inside my protective arms. I didn't want to let go. Her mouth tasted even sweeter then I could have imagined. Our tongues intertwined with each other that sent sparks in me I didn't think were possible. My hand knotted in her damp hair and became non visible through thick brown strands.

She felt so…amazing.

We pulled away to breath. No words were needed to be said, that said it all. There was undoubtedly something there. A closeness that hopefully in time would reveal itself.

One of my hands sat on her waist and the other rested on her cheek. Her fingertips stroked the nape of my neck. She was different… and could stir some life into this ice heart of mine.

We stood there in a tranquil state, neither one of us wanting to move, nothing could have separated us at that moment.

_End of Flashback_

I was only eighteen and within a month I feel in love with her.

I didn't realise it then, but that night was the slow beginnings of a secret whirlwind romance that was full of passion…and destined for heartbreak.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**I won't be updating for a while with school stuff and everything :p**

**Just in case its not clear, Sakura's POV and Syaoran's flashback happened the same night.**

**I'm seriously loving all the reviews so please keep it up and maybe I'll update sooner if you do! :D**

**My next chapter will have an Eriol POV in it maybe…we'll see ;) I apologise if the Sakura/Syaoran romance took too long to get going but I didn't want to rush anything :P**

**Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading and as always R&R! **


	8. Resistance

**K so I got to update a lot sooner than I thought!**

**Thanks for your reviews, they're really helpful!**

**Anyway, here's chapters 8 and9! they were originally one long chapter so I just split them up,**

**Enjoy :) **

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

I burst through the door with trembling knees that threatened to give way.

I threw the rifle onto the couch not caring where it landed. My vision went hazy as I ploughed through furniture to make it to the bathroom.

My body just about made it to the toilet mere seconds before I vomited. The sensation was revolting but there was more to come. My hands grabbed the rim of the toilet to keep my body from collapsing onto the floor.

Behind me I could hear his steps becoming louder and kicking any obstacle in the way. He was mad, he was very, very mad.

I jumped when I heard him break something in anger. He's going to kill me.

"Sakura! Where the fuck are you?" He screamed.

I moaned into my hands feeling the burning behind my eyes.

I don't blame him, I fucked up, I seriously fucked up…

He kicked down the door and I could feel his eyes burn a hole in the back of my head.

"What the fuck was that!" He spat getting madder by the second. "Look at me!"

I bit my lip and clawed though my hair. Slowly I slumped my torso onto the ground to look at him. His grey eyes pierced through mine and his white hair was scraped back into a tight ponytail. He already had a cigarette lit and dangling out of his mouth.

"What was I supposed to do?" I choked harshly.

"You were supposed to do your job." He spat clenching his fists.

"She was a child!" I roared which only made him madder. "How could you even expect me to do something like that!"

"Because it's what the boss told you to do!" he shouted and slammed his hand across the shelf and knocked every item off it. I could see a vein begin to throb in his head.

"I have limits Yue, I _can't_ hurt a child!" I screamed and began to pull on my hair. Anger boiled inside me, enraging me.

"You can't let a witness get away. No loose ends you fucking know this!"

"And you know I can't hurt a child."

"Since when? Since when does someone like _you_ have a heart? We're the same Sakura we don't feel for other people. When you came here you said yourself that you had no heart. Are you going back on that? Huh?"

"No…" I chocked and looked to the floor with tears building behind my eyelids.

"Look she was a witness; we couldn't let her get away. She was just a spoilt brat from New York. Tadaaki Miyake gambled away the bosses' money so they all had it coming, it's a shame his daughter got involved but she did. You know how this works. I am fucking sick of covering for you!" He said punching the wall and leaving a noticeable mark.

He marched foreword in three strides and grabbed my upper arm. In anger he lifted me up roughly and slammed me against the wall. "This isn't your first fuck up recently Sakura and not the first time I've had to lie for you. Pull another stunt like that again and you can answer to the boss."

His grey eyes stared into mine. Then, slowly I let two tears fall. I nodded through them.

"I'm sorry…" I said through my teeth.

He released me and I slid down the cold tiled wall. He turned his heel more relaxed now and ran a hand through his white hair. His thin frame towered over me. Pausing at the door he looked over his shoulder showing a side profile of his narrow features. His arm rested on the doorframe.

"It's because the girl reminded you of…_her_, isn't it? They would be the same age…wouldn't they?"

I said nothing and felt my chest tighten. Nothing ever got past Yue…

"You have to forget about her Sakura, she was your past. If you don't let go of that part of your life, it will interfere with the now. You're not that person anymore." With that he left me to myself and shut the door to his room.

With sudden weakness I slumped to the floor completely to recall on tonight's event.

It was a simple mission.

The boss sent me and Yue to assassinate a wealthy family. As usual, it was just business. But what I didn't expect was they're daughter to walk in during the assassination. It was just her and I. Her silky golden curls added to her youthful innocence…

_Flashback_

"Kill her!" Yue screamed whilst struggling to hold down Mr Miyake.

"D-Daddy?" she whimpered bringing her hands up to her tiny face as Yue proceeded to slit her fathers' neck and watch him fall to a bloody death.

She screamed and backed into the window frantically searching for a way out. She wasn't part of the plan. She wasn't meant to be here…

"Sakura what the fuck are you waiting for? Kill her now!" Yue's screams were no motivation to take action.

I…I just couldn't. She was a child…she was _her_ age…

I felt my stomach twist. The gun became foreign in my and unable to carry out the task. The girl whimpered as she edged along the wall towards the door leading outside. All I had to do was pull the trigger…I've done it so many times…why can't I do it now?

Her hand grasped the door handle and I watched like a spectator knowing she couldn't live because it would ruin the mission. No survivors…no survivors…

"DO IT!" He screamed.

She ran out the door and sprinted as fast as her legs would carry her. I lost the ability to breathe normally I was actually thankful to hear her footsteps fade out further away from us.

"Damn it!" Yue cursed and ran after her.

"Stop." I yelled finding my voice.

I pushed him and blocked his way. It was a risky move but at the moment I didn't care. Yue fought with me all the while the girl was gaining distance from us. The back of Yue's hand smacked across my cheek with such force I fell backwards. He picked up my gun and ran after her. His steps faded away the further he went until I heard a gunshot and the distant sound of her body thud to the ground.

_End of Flashback._

She was just a child.

But I was just a killer.

I rubbed my forehead with my fingertips. I don't blame Yue for flying off the handle. I was never like this. _Ever_. I had my moments where I was stunned and too shocked to act, to kill. But I could always snap out of it.

But lately I couldn't. It's not the first time Yue had to cover for me. If the boss knew I freaked out like I did there would be consequences. Yue was right to kill her, though I wish he didn't do it. He rarely was angry. In fact ninety per cent of the time he is his level cool headed self. Calm, collected, and extremely aggravating at times.

He was always that way since he was assigned my partner. We kept each other in line through the years. He helped to mould me into the person I am today; he helped me forget about the past, about them.

I couldn't get rid of the horrible sickening feeling that lingered in my stomach.

She was a _child_, a little girl. Not only that, she would have been the same age as…my girl.

Suddenly for the first time in three years I cried. The familiar feeling of pain crept into my heart at the thought of it. I've tried so hard to forget her. She was better off without me…I did the right thing didn't I?

So why can't I stop thinking about her lately?

_Flashback_

_The moon casted a sombre light that filled the room._

_I rocked her slowly in my arms, her lightness still amazing me. _

_Her eyes burned with intensity even thought she was not even two days old. She made no noise except for small gurgles. She was so still, it was as if she just knew everything that happened prior to her birth. _

"_I'm sorry." I whispered into her small, yet perfect face. "I'm doing this for you, because you deserve so much more, so much more than I could possibly give you."_

_With that I planted a kiss on her forehead, taking in the sweet-scent of her soft skin, memorising it cherishing it because I knew it would not last. _

_End of Flashback_

Even now when I look at my hands I can still feel the softness of her head pressed against my fingers. Her beautiful features burned a guilt hole in my mind.

As the years passed I tried to mentally block her. But I suppose you can only suppress so much before it takes its toll. When she turned five, I would not harm a child of that age, when she turned ten I did the same. Fourteen years later and I find it harder and harder to pull the trigger.

I crawled over to the window and perched on its ledge to gaze at the city lights. I was far from Tomoeda now. But soon I'd return to Japan. A war was starting and it would determine my future. All I had to do was to be patient, wait quietly and let hatred brew stronger within me.

You probably will never even know you had a daughter Syaoran. I hope to God you will never find out about her. She deserves so much better than us. You don't know what's coming Syaoran. When we meet again face to face you will know the true extent of the pain you caused me.

The night becomes darker and in alleyways, thugs and thief's descend into the city. But they know that I am one of many to be feared.

I wonder what she's doing, where she is, does she even know who I am?

All I can do is hope that when the time comes to return to Tomoeda, she was be as far away from there, and away from him…

X x x x x x x

**Syaoran's POV; Present Day**

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She flinched and dropped it, gasping as it hit the floor.

"N-nothing." She lied and backed away from it.

I stared her down until she crossed her arms and gave up.

"I just saw it and well, I've never really held one before." She seemed to get a kick out of being so near something dangerous. She looked at it longingly but yet had an element of fear towards it.

"Didn't Tomoyo ever tell you not to play with guns?" I asked picking it up and placing it on the counter away from her.

She pouted slightly but never took her eyes of it. She had the same curiosity as Sakura. She sat on the stool and rested her head on the folded arms.

"Is it loaded?" She asked pressing her face to the counter.

I picked it up to check. "Just the one bullet. You shouldn't play with these things."

"You shouldn't have a loaded gun in the apartment with a minor living here." She answered back showing off her quick whit.

"I guess you're right." I said taking the bullet out of the gun. "This apartment isn't exactly child proof."

"That's ok. I'm not a child anyway."

"You just said you were a minor." I pointed.

"Whatever." She pouted. "Dinner's nearly ready." She said jumping off the stool and stirring the pot. She had one of my shirts tied around her waist and constructed it like an apron. I had to give it to her, she could be practical.

"You…made dinner?" I said almost astounded. "Does the cooker ever work?" I said raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." She said almost puzzled. "Haven't you ever cooked for yourself?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. "You'd be surprised how much beer and Jack Daniels fills you up."

She knitted her eyes together probably feeling sorry for me. "Why did you drink so much Syaoran?" She asked stirring the pot and gazing into it.

Over the past while she made the transition from calling me Mr Li most of the time to just Syaoran. I soon learned she didn't like to be called Rhaya. Apparently Tomoyo always called her that when she was angry at her.

"I just did." I answered briefly. "Feeling sorry for myself."

"Why were you feeling sorry for yourself?" She said plonking herself down on the other side of the couch. She had such a bubbly energy about her. I don't know where it came from because it certainly didn't come from Sakura and I. Maybe it was a trait independent from us.

"Just was." I said suddenly feeling nervous around her.

I always felt anxious around her. She was so comfortable being around me and it baffled me. She was so afraid when she first came here. I couldn't understand what I did to make her feel secure. She was becoming more tolerable by the day. She never shuts up so naturally I knew a lot about her. She never stops with the questions though.

It's not that I wanted to deprive her of her past or to keep her in the dark. It's just there was so much you didn't tell a fourteen year old. Then there was the other reason, the thing I never wanted to tell her. The thing I was to ashamed to even admit to myself.

So I always had my guard up around her. I'll admit she had grown on me. She made me laugh with stories of Tomoyo's protectiveness. I liked her.

Of course she brought back painful memories of Sakura, but her personality did not strictly confine her to the product of Sakura and I. Her personality, though similar to mine, had a different aura to it.

She was a better, refined version of Sakura and I.

"You need new clothes." I commented looking at her grey tattered jacket. "People will think you're a boy."

She seemed to live in oversized hoodies grey shorts and red converse. She didn't care about her appearance, I guess you could call her as a tomboy.

She examined herself and shrugged. "By people you mean just you. If you recall I'm not allowed to leave the apartment."

"I didn't say you couldn't leave the apartment I just said you've to keep a low profile."

"By not leaving the apartment." She retorted and crossed her arms.

I smirked. I was only thinking of her safety.

"So what happened after my mother passed the test?" She asked sinking into the couch.

"Well, like I said she became one of us." I shrugged.

"I mean between the two of _you_! What happened? How long did you go out for? Did you ever fight?"

"Oh…" I said running a hand through my hair. "It's…complicated."

"Explain." She said raising a defined eyebrow.

"Look Rae, unfortunately, your mom and I weren't exactly like the typical couple. We had to keep what we had a secret." I said curtly.

"A secret…but why?" She said in a disappointed tone.

I stared at my hands wishing she'd just drop it. Then again, it wasn't fair to hide what she should rightfully know.

"My boss at the time, wasn't too keen on us...being together." I said sugar-coating it. "Plus Sakura and I were working all the time, we found it hard to be together." I lied.

I just…just couldn't tell her the truth. She's hate me; she'd hate me like Sakura hates me.

"Was it that way for Tomoyo and Eriol?" She asked playing with the ends of her hair.

"No. They were the exception."

"Huh?"

"Well…that's complicated too…"

X x x x x x

_Seventeen Years ago:_

"So do you understand?" Takashi asked her as I walked into his office.

Sakura stared at the documents with an expression that said confusion. "Um, no." She said laughing a little to herself.

When she saw me a coy smile formed on her lips. I winked and she looked down to avoid laughing.

"It's complicated I know, maybe you can come back tomorrow and I'll go over it again." Takashi said closing over the folder and patting down his suit.

"Thanks, I hate to be a bother." She said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it; they can be hard to read. But you need to know how to fill them out for and jobs you do so Meiling can keep record."

Sakura nodded understandingly. I felt sort of sorry for her. She had to learn so much in such a little time.

"Takashi Meiling's looking for you." I said trying to get rid of him.

Takashi nodded dopey like and left. Takashi was the best accountant here but not the best killer. He did the filing and sorted out documents that were too tedious for Meiling to do herself. Takashi wasn't a bad guy by any means; if he wasn't such a pushover we'd have more respect for him. Rika liked to use his kind nature to her advantage by getting him to cover for her; I had to admit I did the same.

"Hey." She said smiling that smile that reminded me of our current relationship, whatever that relationship was anyway. "What brings you here?"

"I came to inform you that tomorrow you carry out your first assassination."

"Really?" She said with her green eyes expanding. "But I don't know what to do." Worry and apprehension crept into her voice.

"I thought about that too, so I had a little idea."

"Oh yeah?" She said flirtatiously.

God she had a way of erasing my current thoughts and replaced them with only her. Since I kissed her I wasn't sure where we stood. There was definite flirting and some stolen moments. But it never went far. There was a reason for it. I needed to be guarded around her. I don't even know why I do this. I should be staying away from her.

I tried, God knows I tried. But too many run ins made it impossible to stay away. It's just an infatuation. I don't know what it was but it was far from love. Syaoran Li has no heart in which to give anyone. It's harmless flirting, surly she knew that.

"I'll help you, it's a big job so no pressure." I said taking a seat beside her.

The fireplace blazed with re hot flames. She had no idea what the other reason for my presence was. I felt sorry for her. A poker jutted out from the fire, it's end getting hotter as the time passed.

"Did I ever show you this." I said lifting up my sleeve to reveal a scar.

Her mouth dropped into a small 'o' when she saw my scar.

"Is that a burn mark?" She said tracing her fingers around it bewildered. "I saw glimpses of it before but, what is it?"

"It's another type of a mark of Li." I clarified.

"Did it hurt?" She said scrutinising it in more detail.

Then came the sound of footsteps from outside.

Fanran and Rika came inside with neutral faces.

They weren't good at hiding the secret. Sakura seemed unaware of their unusual behaviour. She continued to trace my scar as if fascinated. Her fingertip caused Goosebumps to appear on my arm. I felt like apologising in advance.

"Now." I said.

Fanran was the first to move, grabbing Sakura by the shoulders and swiftly moving her onto the chair that sat in the middle of the room. Sakura struggled for a while in confusion. I pinned her arms by her side and her green eyes widened.

"What are you doing?" She asked raising her voice.

"It just makes it easier this way. Calm down."

"Calm down? I don't even know what you're doing."

"Stop struggling honey it's going to be over before you know it." Fanran soothed knowing it would be far from pain free. "Just calm down." Fanran stroked the top of Sakura's petrified head.

Sakura's body relaxed for a moment.

Rika in the meanwhile sauntered over to the fire place like a snake with a devious plan. She plucked up the poker from the fire. Its end was luminous with a red hot glow.

"I'm going to enjoy this." Rika said running her finger dangerously close to the end of the poker and smiling sinisterly at Sakura.

"Just get this over with Rika." I growled but that didn't make her act quicker.

"Syaoran?" She asked looking back at me. I didn't want to put her in pain but it was protocol.

"It'll be over in a second." I lied.

Her body eased and I locked eyes with her, reassuring her it would be ok. As if I weren't thinking my thumb stroked her soft shoulder in small circles. She smiled back crookedly, trusting me.

"My, my, you two seem to have gotten quite close recently." Rika half-snarled as her hand tensed around the poker.

The fierce bitterness around her intensified and her eyes darted from me to her. Immediately Sakura and I looked in opposite directions almost embarrassed and my hands went back to an emotionless grip around her shoulders.

Shit, I've to be more careful.

When Sakura realised what was going to happen she began to struggle once more.

"Sakura its ok, we all have it see." Fanran said showing her scar beneath her sleeve.

Sakura's eyes bulged as Rika brought the hot end of the poker that read_ Li_ near her shoulder. "Just relax Sakie." Rika said mockingly with a chivalrous smile and pressed it rather harshly against her skin.

At first Sakura was in too much shock to react to the pain that she was feeling. Then she bit down hard on her lips and let the tears do the talking. I hated seeing her like this. But like I said, it had to be done. Her muscles tensed and her hand grabbed my wrist, squeezing it with unbelievable pressure.

"That's enough Rika." Fanran said glaring at her.

But Rika didn't move it from Sakura's skin. In fact she looked totally absorbed in the pain she was inflicting on Sakura. I've never seen Rika so focused on something. The mean glint in her eye didn't diminished as she twisted the poker into her skin. The smell of burning flesh turned my stomach.

"Rika that's enough!" I said forcefully grabbing her arm thus releasing Sakura.

"Sorry baby," She said twirling the poker in her hand flirtatiously. "I just wanted to make sure it was working." She said pouting playfully. I was getting more irritated with her as the days went by. She was so hateful.

"Get her out of here." I mumbled to Fanran.

Fanran swiftly had Sakura's arm bandaged up. Fanran pulled Rika towards the door. Rika's face dropped when she realised I wasn't kidding, she even looked hurt that I didn't want to be around her.

"Are you ok?" I asked Sakura touching her arm subtly as to not to draw their attention.

"Told you Fanran," Rika sneered with a hint of hatred. "those two are getting awfully close don't you think? Wouldn't want Meiling knowing that now do we?" she snickered.

If Sakura wasn't standing there I would have lunged for Rika. I don't care that she's a girl I'd fucking punch her lights out. Fanran dragged her out of the room but Rika's laugh lingered awkwardly.

Sakura stood in a confused state. Her eyebrows knitted together looking for an explanation to what Rika said. I couldn't tell her, not now. If I did it would but an awkward distance between us, she'd see me differently. She'd think I was…using her…

No, I'd tell her some other time. It was time to cut the crap and stop whatever this was before it got out of hand.

"Don't mind Rika," I said sitting back down on the couch.

She sat on the other side of the couch rubbing her fingers against the plaster that concealed her new burn.

"Are you ok?"

"No." She pouted angrily. "You know, a heads up would have been nice."

"You'd be thinking about it too much, this way was better." I said convincing her.

"Some gangs get tattoo's, burns are a little extreme don't you think?" Her fingers rubbed small circles around her arms and she winced when she applied too much pressure.

"Meiling, like's to go extreme sometimes." I said smiling at her.

We sat silent for a while to contemplate.

"Sakura…" I said hating where this was going. "You…you haven't told anyone about…well…you know."

Her eyebrows pressed together again. "um…no. I mean, is there anything to even tell?" She stuttered looking away embarrassed. "To be honest…I don't know where we stand…"

I sighed quietly understanding what she meant. I couldn't even pin point the nature of our relationship, how was she suppose to? I wasn't exactly making it easy for her either. We flirted and I responded to encourage her, then sometimes I was cold and distant towards her and made out I didn't have the time for her. Her confusion was understandable.

"I mean, two days ago you were leading me on and yet yesterday you hardly looked at me. I don't understand you."

"I'm sorry," I said moving closer to her, probably not the wisest move. "I don't mean to be such an asshole."

"I'm just getting mixed messages from you all the time far the last two weeks. You're the one who kissed me first you know." She sounded a little annoyed. I'm surprised she even bothered with me. Most girls would have given up by now.

"I know…" I admitted. "I just-"

"I don't like being used Syaoran." She said sternly. She never talked to me like that before. She was getting a strong backbone that developed immensely recently. She wasn't as afraid of me anymore.

"Fujitaka did that to my mother, I don't want it to happen to me."

I felt the pang of guilt. She was right, I was just fucking around with her emotions and she didn't even know why, either did I.

"I'm sorry." I said placing my hand on hers.

She locked her eyes on mine, which made it harder to put distance between us.

As if we were both thinking the same thing, our lips met intensely to reinforce the nature of our strange relationship. It was too late to go back now. We became absorbed in each other. I knew it was wrong to encourage her but she was so warm, so soft. Passion blinded senses and when she straddled me to deepen the kiss I knew my willpower was diminished.

Her fingers played with the hair on the nape of my neck, I loved when she did that. My hands rubbed against the soft hips, occasionally touching skin there. It was such a guilty pleasure to be with her. It became fierce we almost didn't hear footsteps approaching. Her smell deluded me senseless, it was so sweet, almost not of this world.

Then from the corridor I heard steps approaching. Passion turned to fear and in a matter of seconds we were standing up with my arms putting a cold distance between us.

I just managed to put an unsuspicious gap between us when Eriol walked in. There was no fooling him. He could sense the awkward atmosphere. Sakura looked down uncomfortably and pulled down her top and pulled the strap of it up to its original place.

She would not make eye contact with him.

For a long time Eriol glared at us with his hand still gripped on the door. A cold atmosphere settled and I rolled my eyes. "You look suspicious Eriol," I said patting down the back of my hair which she was playing with.

He pressed his lips together into a firm line. "Sakura." He said sharply commanding her attention.

"Y-yes?" She said running her hand nervously over her burn.

"Meiling's looking for you." He said through his teeth.

"Oh." She said and kept her head down as she left not looking back. Her head hung low in shame.

"Must you be so mean?" I asked running a hand through my hair.

Again he his jaw locked and his body remained ridged, even I was anxious around him.

"What the hell are you doing Syaoran?" He said in a low and disapproving voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently pacing away from him.

"Do you think I've overlooked what's going on?" He said slamming the door shut. "Don't think I haven't noticed Syaoran!"

"Noticed what Eriol?" I said getting pissed off.

"Don't try to fucking get out of this! I know you've been distracted lately, you're not paying attention anymore, your technique has gotten lazy. Is it just coincidence it began as soon as Sakura got here?"

"She has nothing to do with it!" I hissed balling my fists tightly. I refused to believe my performance in work has anything remotely to do with Sakura, a girl. No woman would ever come between me and my work.

I am the best at what I do. Sakura hasn't grown on me that much, has she?

"Look Syaoran I don't like the way you are around her, you change how you are around her. Does she know about your _secret_? Or should I say, _secrets_?" He said almost threateningly.

"Get off my back Eriol there is absolutely nothing between Sakura and I." I said stabbing a finger at him.

"You don't have to lie to me Syaoran there's no one else here. It's not just you Takashi has been warned too."

"That's different! Takashi is careless with that Chiharu girl, he's bound to get caught. I'm not that carless with-"

"With what?" He said crossing his arms. "With Sakura? So there is something going on there?"

Eriol had me cornered with that one. I didn't answer, I didn't know how.

"End it now Syaoran, whatever it is, end it now. You know how Meiling will react, especially because it's you."

I clenched my fists. He was right, Meiling would disapprove of it with anyone. But I was a special case, I was different to everyone else when it came to Meiling.

"Easy for you to say isn't it Eriol." I muttered bitterly as I walked past him. "Not all of us can be the exception."

I knew it would have pissed him off, but I seriously didn't care.

He's Eriol, he'd shrug it off and go to Tomoyo simply because he could…

X x x


	9. Shameful Little Secrets

**Eriol's POV: Seventeen Years Ago:**

"Easy for you to say isn't it Eriol." He muttered bitterly as I walked past him. "Not all of us can be the exception."

That stung on a personal level and damn well knew that.

As Syaoran stalked out of the room I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed loudly.

I hated my job.

He was too much of a snarky ungrateful little prick to notice that I was trying to help him and not patronise him. My method may be abrupt, and I may not be the friendliest of people, but I have his best interests in mind.

I've noticed the closeness between them growing frightfully quick. He can deny it all he wanted, but he was attracted to her and it spelled disaster. It's not that I don't like the girl or have a personal vendetta against her; I just don't like what she does to Syaoran.

I was a logical type of person who tended not to be emotionally attached to people. Syaoran, next to I, may be the best assassin here but his reckless and ill thought out approach to life was his weakness.

I'm only trying to help him. I sat down on the couch and contemplated.

His frustration is understandable, I don't practise what I preach, but he should learn from me.

I was after all the exception...

_Flashback_

I awoke to the sound of sweet humming coming from a room I didn't recognise.

The ceiling was pure white and the house smelled so…clean. My body was ridged and when I moved I was filled with an overwhelming sense of pain. I placed a hand over my chest feeling a bandage. Looking down I saw a crisp white bandage placed over it.

I knew who did this.

She emerged from the kitchen surprised to find me awake.

She got more beautiful every day. Her flawless white skin looked so soft I had to fight the urge not to touch it. She had a slender figure and almost lavender hair with the texture of fine silk. It was no wonder I thought about her non stop.

I never believed in love. I especially never thought it would happen to me. But Tomoyo Daidouji was an angel. I felt feeling for her that I never felt before. But instead of showing these feelings towards her, I recluse and watched her from a distance wishing I could be near her.

But I was a killer, and she was a healer. She'd never want me.

Somehow though I thought she knew. It was like she could see through my quiet frame and locate my inner frustrations. I was only seventeen, I didn't know how these feelings worked. I was only a rookie beginning to work for Meiling. I was unlucky in the beginning. Slow to process the assassin life and I often had to recover in nurse Daidoujis house.

"Are you ok Hiiragizawa?" She asked smiling sweetly.

I nodded and grunted in pain.

"We have to stop meeting like this." She said humorously and lifted the bandage to inspect it. "I'm almost starting to think you're getting shot on purpose just to see little old me." She beamed.

_I wish_, I thought.

"It's just a scratch." I said meekly and brought myself to sit upright the pain rippled throughout every nerve in my body.

"Eriol please," She said worriedly, "You're badly wounded! Please just lie down."

I ignored her and when I sat up I looked into her dark violet eyes.

"I heard something." I said trying to keep my voice stern. "I heard you were…you were leaving…moving away."

She twisted her mouth into a crooked smile and folded her arms. "Well it's a big possibility…"

"Why?" I said reaching foreword to grab her arm. It was not like me to react as dramatic, but I couldn't help the emotion inside me.

"Because… my parents are moving and they want me to be close to them."

"But who will take care of you-…I mean, bodyguard you…?"

She playfully pressed her finger to her mouth and pretended to ponder. "Oh…I don't know…someone strong, tall and handsome…someone who…wants to be in my company."

"I want that." I said regretting the words as soon as they fell from my mouth.

Her eyes expanded and for a second she lost her composure. I was mortified at how desperate I sounded. But it wasn't a lie…I really did want to be around her…to be with her.

"Well you see…" She said stepping very close to my tall frame.

I could feel the warmth of her skin mere inches from me. To be so close to someone so beautiful made me shudder. I wasn't even conscience that I wasn't wearing a shirt and the scars and bruises on my body gave away the dangers of my life.

"I like it when someone wants to be…in my company. But… sometimes I don't feel as if I'm wanted. Maybe by moving with my parents I'll find someone who will…tell me and show me…they…like me."

There was a small blush in her cheeks. The message was clear but I was too stupid with shock to react. She mistook my silence for rejection.

"So I guess there's nothing to keep me here then." She said averting her eyes and beginning to walk away.

"Tomoyo wait! "

My declaration of love came in the form of a passionate kiss, a reason for her to stay.

X x x

_End of Flashback_

I closed my eyes in frustration.

Like I said, I was a logical man. But when it came to Tomoyo things never did really make sense. She gave me a reason to keep surviving in this corrupt and tiresome world.

I did it all for her, my first and _only_ love.

But with a price…

X x x

_Flashback_

"Just spit it out Eriol." Meiling said getting impatient with my hesitance.

All around me boxes were piled up against walls with her furniture. She was only crowned head of the Li gang three days ago and already she was making adjustments to her fathers' old office. I was her first hired assassin, her right hand man.

It seemed silly to ask this of her yet I knew I could not proceed without her approval.

"Meiling I….I wish to…I" I sighed at my own incompetence and she sat staring at me with cold eyes behind her large desk. "Meiling you know I serve you first as my boss and I am faithful to only you. I wish to ask you for a…blessing…"

She raised a black eyebrow and I continued on regardless.

"You see, Tomoyo and I…have become fond of each other and I wanted your blessing to…be with her."

I knew as the words fell out of my mouth they were phrased wrongly. She sat like a statue and I thought she'd throw something at me. She was known for her sudden temper. Then, through the thick silence she laughed a thin and bone chilling laugh.

"Eriol, I don't think the Daidoujis would be particularly happy to trade with us if you fucked their daughter and left." Her bluntness was not unusual.

"It's not like that. Tomoyo and I…we have feelings for each other. I want to protect her Meiling. I'll make sure no harm comes to her I swear."

Meilings eyes narrowed causing a faint forehead wrinkle to crease and she sat back into the leather seat. "You know my policy on 'falling in love' Eriol, I'm surprised you're even asking me."

"You know I wouldn't go against you if it were nothing Meiling. I feel so strongly about this. I'm just want…"

"My blessing." She said sharply and drummed her fingers on the desk.

"…Yes."

"Love makes a man weak Eriol. Xiao Lang died for his whore, so did his father, and my father, and so on. There's a pattern."

"I think in the case of your father it was a little different Meiling." I said harshly.

Meiling's jaw locked, I hit a nerve. "I'm going to bring this gang into heights Eriol and I can't have people, especially you, distracted. Assassins don't love, they are heartless you know this better than anyone. If I allow you to be with her then what about the others? They'll all want the same and before you know it they'll all be chasing their whores, dying for them. No, you will not see Ms Daidouji again understand? I won't allow it now leave." She threatened and returned to reading over documents of her deceased father.

I felt my blood boil. My normally level head was loosing its cool. For her to tell me who I could and couldn't see enraged me. But she was my boss, there was an unwritten law that meant I had to respect her as my leader. Meiling was undoubtedly strong. Her methods were corrupt and cruel, but it got results her forefathers never achieved.

Yet… there was always blackmail.

"You owe me one Meiling." I said daring to let a threatening tone be present in my voice.

She shot up and slammed her palms onto the table. Her wicked eyes flared at my resistance.

"Don't you threaten me Hiiragizawa. What has happened was to secure the future of Li and not let it be run into the fucking ground! Don't you dare go against me-"

"Are you forgetting that fact you wouldn't be here behind that desk with power over us all if it weren't for me! I put you there Meiling. If people knew the truth they'd all turn their back on you and you know that."

Her mouth snapped shut for once. My heart raced to speak to her in such a way. Meiling always had a sense or authority that shook me to some extent.

"I'm not asking for money, or power or anything like that. All I want is to be with her. I will always serve you first like I promised you from the beginning."

She stood there lingering her black eyes on mine. I didn't break her gaze, I didn't want her to think she had the upper hand.

"And if you still say no, then I walk."

"You wouldn't leave Eriol, you have no where else to go."

"I rather have no where to go, then to work against my will."

Her small fists were tightly balled. A blue vein throbbed through her white forehead, I though she was going to explode.

"Fine, I will allow you to be with her." She said with an almost patronising smile.

My posture eased grateful to break away from gaze. Suddenly, her ivory hand clasped around my collar and pulled me in mere inches from her face. She was small with a skeletal-like figure but could muster up strength in a snap. Her fingers engraved themselves into my collar, thus choking me slightly. I saw the veins protruding from her knuckles with the strength of her grip.

"If you ever, fucking threaten me again Hiiragizawa, I will make you suffer and I'll make sure you never see her again. Don't forget we're both just as guilty for what has happened. You can be with her, but when I send you on a mission, you better do it, if I call you, you better answer, always remember what I have done and will do for you Eriol. You _need _me, to get your revenge, and I need you on my side. Do you understand?" She snarled.

For a while I said nothing but kept my face neutral and not show her any reason to think I feared her.

"Yes."

"Yes what?" She said through gritted teeth.

"Yes…Meiling."

With that she released me and quicker than you could turn on a light switch, she changed back to normality.

"Good. You're my right hand man Eriol. I expect you to stand by me as this gang rises up and becomes the most feared force in all of Tomoeda."

"Of course, Meiling."

"Remember Eriol, the higher this gang rises, the closer you come to getting your revenge."

I nodded and just as I stepped out of the office I heard her call to me saying, "You are the only exception to my rule Eriol…you are the exception."

X x x

The exception, was that a blessing or a curse?

I tapped my fingers against the board. There were consequences with this job and it affected the natural flow of Tomoyo and my relationship.

But in the case of Syaoran, we all knew his relationship with Meiling, we all knew. Soon Sakura would know. Maybe then whatever they were starting would disintegrate soon…

X x x

**Sakura's POV:**

Fanran and Naoko were lounging in front of the t.v when I returned home. I was taken aback by seeing Naoko be outside the perimeter of her computer. She sat sunken into couch watching the news.

"Hey Sakura, sorry about earlier." Fanran said apologetically.

"Don't worry." I said waving off the subject.

I looked around and saw no sign of other life. I rubbed my bandage and was weary of Rika's whereabouts. Neither of them said anything about her.

I started polishing the guns for tomorrows mission. Syaoran was seriously bothering me. Liking him one minute and feeling the brunt of his sudden coldness was messing with my head. It angered me. I didn't like to be played. Why couldn't he make up his mind? Then again, I can't exactly claim him as mine. I had no right to demand answers.

"Earth to Sakura?" Fanran suddenly said coming up from behind me.

"Huh? Sorry what did you say?" I said blinking twice.

"I said are you alright, you know? After the whole Rika hurting you?"

"Yeah, I'm fine-"

As if on cue Rika stormed in ungracefully. The door slammed against the wall with the impact and her eyes sleepily squinted to make out our familiar faces. Her red hair clung to her face with moisture. She took a giant step into the apartment. She couldn't seem to navigate her feet and she swayed from side to side.

"Where were you Rika?" Naoko asked innocently with her glasses drooping down her nose.

Rika's spine straightened and her head whirled towards Naoko.

"Where were you Rika?" Rika mocked in a voice two octaves higher than her normal one." Do you ever shut the fuck up Naoko? Is it not bad enough I have to look at your face every day? No one pays you to fucking talk!" With that struck Naoko across the face with a hard blow.

"Shit!" Fanran shouted and ripped Rika away from Naoko.

Naoko flew from the couch onto the hard floor. Her glasses shattered into pieces with the impact of Rika's fist. A small cry escaped Naoko's mouth as if afraid any other noise from her would attract more violence from Rika.

"And you!" Rika said glaring at Fanran. "Miss goodie goodie. Tell me, are you trying to make up for Syaoran."

I felt the atmosphere shift quite suddenly. The energetic Fanran clenched her fists as her face screwed up in anger. I noticed that Rika was holding a wine bottle between her fingers and a cigarette wedged between her thumb and forefinger.

"Don't go there Rika, you're drunk and you'll say something you regret."

"Whatever Fanran, you maybe able to turn a blind eye. But we _all_ know about Syaoran and his dirty secret." She snickered.

My own heart began to pulse with the mention of Syaoran. Why were they acting like this? What was it about Syaoran that no one was telling me about?

They looked as if they wee going to punch each other. For once I was not the cause for Rika's anger.

I edged away to see if Naoko was alright. My foot didn't even move an inch before Rika's hand came slamming down onto the wall beside me. I jumped backwards. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes was strong around her. Her eyes struggled to focus on me and her ruby hair was dishevelled.

"As for you."

"I'm not in the mood Rika, just back off." I said edging further away from her.

She moved herself in front of me. Again her hand crashed dangerously close to my face. "You don't even know do you? You have no idea about Syaoran's dirty little secret."

"Rika!" Fanran screamed with fury.

"No Fanran," Rika spat turning up her lip. "I think Sakura should know." She curled her lip into a crooked smile. "After all, we girls have to look out for each other don't we?" She said pinching my cheeks tightly.

"Get away from me." I roared and pushed her away.

"So sweet, you think Syaoran gives two fucks about you? Honestly honey…" Again her wicked laughed lingered. "I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen."

"Rika…don't." Fanran said in almost a defeatist voice. She looked as if she would cry.

"Syaoran, is Meilings bitch." She said harshly.

I felt my body tense as it tried to process it. She took a swig of the wine bottle, emptying what little remained. With the back of her hand she wiped her mouth and then carefully tangled her fingers into my hair to form a knot there. I would have reacted only I was stunned by what she said.

"You see Kinomoto, this silly little game you two are playing will amount to nothing." Her voice went low with ice running through it. "Because when Meiling whistles, Syaoran jumps into her bed. It's always been that way, we all just turn a blind eye to it isn't that right Fanran?"

Rika viciously put her cigarette out on my arm dangerously close to my new scare. My jaw locked as I slapped her hand away.

Fanran remained silent, that only confirmed Rika's words.

"See, Meiling's a bit of a fucking nutcase. And when she goes psycho, nobody is happy. The only thing that can seem to calm her down is Syaoran's dick-"

"Enough Rika, please!" Fanran said with her voice cracking just near the end.

It was obvious Fanran was embarrassed by this. I couldn't muster up any words. No witty comment to wipe the winning smile of Rika's face, just silence.

My jaw locked and I stiffened. Rika's fingers released their hold around my hair.

But she couldn't leave it at that. "I bet he's fucked you already hasn't he? I bet he's used you and grown tired. Tut, tut, just like your mother was with Fujitaka."

"Don't you EVER talk about my mother again, EVER!" I screamed and pulled out my gun to her head. She never even flinched when I pressed it against her head with determination.

"Sakura stop." Fanran said finding a strong voice. "She's not worth it. Don't let her wind you up."

I found it hard to drop the gun by my side and keep a cool head.

"Well if he hasn't had his way with you... I'd be wary around him from now on. His attention around you were ware off, trust me."

"Is that what happened to you?" I said finding a voice. "Are you just damaged goods now? And you call me stupid."

In a flash she had her hand clamped around my jaw. "Shut you fucking traitor mouth! I'll beat you so hard your dead mother will feel it!"

"Enough!" Fanran said prying us apart. "Just drop it both of you! None of it is either one of your business so that's the end of it _now_!"

Rika stumbled away still half drunk. She stopped once to give me a victorious smile. She knew, she knew it didn't matter what I said, she won this one. She damaged my mind with her words, and Syaoran…

"Is it true?" I said feeling a sickening feeling rise in my stomach.

Fanran picked Naoko off the ground and nursed her into her shoulder. The blow would leave a severe mark.

Fanran held my gaze with her light green eyes. Her face gave away no expression.

"Don't forget to turn the t.v. off before you go to bed."

Those were the only words she uttered before walking away with Naoko.

I could tell from the way she would not address the answer that it was true. I felt something sting in my chest. I bit down on my lip hard until I could taste blood. I couldn't get my head around it. Syaoran…belonging to…Meiling.

Suddenly all those odd looks and harsh coldness made sense now. When it got too close…he realised who he worked for. Who was I but a rookie?

I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and sighed.

Was Rika right? Was Syaoran just using me?... were his advances driven by potential lust? Yet his advances seemed se genuine and…respectful. Of course I never slept with him, we haven't really done anything.

Was this his plan all along?

I didn't know what to think anymore. I was tired and angry and well, hurt.

All I knew was that this thing I had with Syaoran, it had to end…I would _never_ let him treat me like Fujitaka treated my mother.

I'll never let anyone use me like that.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: The Same night**

The clock read two thirty a.m.

I lay exhausted between silk sheets staring up at a smooth white wall. My breathing was heavy, as it always was in this situation.

She shuffled beside me, turning over to reveal her naked back. Her spine jutted from her skin slightly behind strands of her silk black hair. She said nothing but recovered from sex. I said nothing and waited for her order.

Her hand ran through her black hair as she swung her legs over the bedside to pick up her red silk nightgown. I lay there hating myself. Hating the degrading feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know why I still feel this way after so long still. It's not like I haven't followed these orders before.

I heard the 'click' of her lighter as she lit up a long cigarette. She inhaled it through her pale lips and breathed out. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear to reveal a pronounced check bone. There was doubt there was a quirky kind of beauty to her. She had strikingly sharp features that would turn heads.

But after so long, I couldn't see any beauty there. Just a selfish and power crazed woman.

Hours ago my lips were on Sakura's and now, they were forced to tease and whisper lies into Meiling's ear. I hate myself, I hate Meiling more for choosing me.

What I loathed more was the fact that everybody knew. They all knew Meiling's separate commands for me. It was me and only me that were chosen to satisfy her.

Keep her sane more like.

I was ashamed. Usually I could mentally switch myself off. Be present but not _here_. But now…the guilt and shame intensified because of Sakura.

If- no, _when_ she finds out, then that's it. She won't look at me the same.

Meiling peered one black eye down at me and turned her lip downwards. "You were quiet tonight. Who were you thinking off?" Meiling was her ever jealous self.

Always suspecting me of infidelity. Only this time, she was somewhat right to be suspicious.

"Of course not Meiling." I said smiling charmingly. But for once, my charm did not get me out of her suspicious eye. "Only you Meiling, only you."

She remained tight lipped and put out her cigarette.

Meiling swaddled herself under the covers and muttered coldly. "You're dismissed."

My jaw locked. I hated how I became suddenly nothing, a tool to satisfy her needs. But I could never voice my opinion to her. The consequences would be dire. Only I have truly seen the true nature of Meiling. For now, I had to be her little…toyboy.

My stomach churned again.

I was pathetic. A slave to a woman half my size, yet could not retaliate.

She could do something for me. She promised to one day return it to me. So for now I must be patient.

"Yes Meiling." I said trying to keep as much venom out of my voice as I could.

I put my clothes back on quickly and left her mansion.

As I sped away in my car I couldn't get Sakura out of my mind. I had to stop messing with her head. She deserves so much better then me…It had to stop.

It _will _stop. No matter what these feelings inside me are saying, I will end this now. For once it was time to listen to Eriol's advice.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

"Dinners ready." She said drowsily from the kitchen.

I didn't realise I'd fallen asleep on the couch until I rubbed the sleep out of my eye. For the first time in fourteen years the place was filled with the smell of real food and not the stale odour of alcohol.

"So where do you going during the night?" She asked suddenly.

"What?"

"I hear you leaving after I fall asleep, or when you come in to check I'm asleep."

"Oh…just, meeting people."

"Who?"

"No one special."

She pouted at my briefness.

"One day you'll tell me everything." She said determined. "Are you assassinating?"

I remained silent.

"That's ok, you don't have to tell me yet. It's cool though." She said more to herself.

Her eyes wandered towards the large window. She wouldn't think I was so _cool _if she knew my past. If I ever

really wanted to get rid of her I could merely muster up the things I have done to send her packing.

I was surprised at her abilities to cook. She filled my stomach with proper food. The last meal someone cooked for me was Fanran almost five years ago.

"I'm not as _cool_ as you think. Far from it." I grunted hating the fact that she somewhat idolised me.

"I don't think you're the bad guy either. You shouldn't beat yourself up Syaoran." Her eyes never left the window.

"You think I'm one of the good guys?" I asked humouring myself.

"Yes. I may have lived a sheltered life in the valley but I know not a lot of people would take in a kid of the street. You're not the villain Syaoran, you shouldn't beat yourself up so much." With that she smiled a small smile of kindness. Why does she give me the benefit of the doubt? Why can't she just take my word for it?

I don't know why, but that got to me. I felt all weird when she said that, kind of nice but strange at the same time. She yawned and rose from the table. It felt wrong to lead her to think I was this kind natured fatherly figure.

She departed from the kitchen leaving me lost in thought.

"Goodnight Syaoran." She called as she shut her bedroom door.

If only she knew….

X x x

**I didn't get to write that much on Eriol's POV but i'll have more snippets of him in later chapters :D**

**Anyway apologies if anything in these chapters was a bit graphic with use of language. I'm not a lemon writer in case you were wondering but I tend to touch on those types of topics. Shouldn't be much more graphic than these chapters though. **

**R&R!**


	10. Crowning and Killing

**Chapter 10! Sorry for the long gap between these updates.**

**x x x**

**Sakura's POV: Seventeen Years ago**

I peeked an emerald eye through the aim, squinting as I did so.

The rooftop provided a cold but sheltered hiding place for the assassination. He remained quiet beside me until his lips broke silence and murmured, "You don't work well when you're angry."

"I'm not angry." I growled contradicting myself.

He sighed loudly and looked in the opposite direction. I tried to focus my attention at the task at hand but to be honest, I was completely bored. Apparently on these missions it was mandatory to arrive at least an hour early to set up. Now all I had to do was wait… with him.

"This is a big mission. If you fuck this up Meiling's going to blame me."

"Something tells me you'll convince her otherwise." I said with a tinge of anger.

I honestly didn't mean to say it like that. It was a low for me. An awkward and nauseating silence descended between us.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that." I said looking away from him. God I'm such a fucking idiot. I couldn't get Rika's voice out of my head.

_Syaoran's Meiling's bitch!_

His jaw locked into the shape of a square and I saw his fists clench. "So you've heard." He spat through his teeth.

"I don't really believe it." I said, "Rika gave me a harsh version."

"And what do you believe?" He wouldn't look at me at all.

I shrugged and pretended that none of this affected me when in truth, I could think of nothing else. The thoughts of Syaoran and Meiling induced a certain jealousy in me. I hardly slept a wink last night thinking about it. I just didn't want to believe Rika's side of the story; I didn't want to accept that Meiling had him wrapped around her finger.

I knew Rika must have been exaggerating; then again Fanran's reaction wasn't exactly encouraging either.

"I guess I don't know. It's not like you owe me an explanation or anything. What you do in your personal life doesn't affect me." I lied. This was such a mind fuck for me. "I just don't like to be played around with, you could have told me about you and…Meiling in the first place and not making me feel like such an idiot."

"What was I suppose to say? Hi I'm Syaoran and I fuck Meiling to keep her sane?" He was getting pissed off with me, and vice versa.

"Well you didn't have to string me along! Why involve me?"

"I never planned on us going this direction." He muttered.

We fell back into silence. He infuriated me with his secrecy. When I thought I knew him, he shunned me off with his mysterious past and deep kept secrets. I wondered if anyone really knew Syaoran. I bet he doesn't even know himself.

"So…are you two like…dating?" I asked suddenly becoming shy. I couldn't help it, I wanted to know.

He actually laughed at this and relaxed a little. He placed his hands behind his head and leaned back slightly.

"No, not in a million years."

"Then why are you sleeping with her?" I tried to make myself sound jealous but lets face that, it's probably obvious.

His lips formed a tight line as he contemplated on whether or not to tell me.

"I'm sorry, it's not my business." I muttered feeling myself blush a little.

"It's not how you think it is."

"How would I know? Nobody seems to tell me anything around here."

Syaoran frowned causing his perfect face to sadden. Sometimes I wish I never kissed him back, I wish I was never brought into this world yet, sometimes I long for him to kiss me again, to make me feel wanted.

Again he sighed and shuffled so he was a little closer to me. He leaned back on his elbow and stared down at the crowds of unsuspecting people gathering at the garden party. It was a cool night crisp with a sky view of clear stars. Almost romantic like….almost.

"You don't know Meiling like I do. Nobody does. Everyone says she's insane yet the best thing to happen to Li. You don't know, you don't know anything." He said sternly. This must have been hard for him to say.

"Enlighten me." I said with narrowing eyes.

He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the stars. Maybe it was difficult for him to admit this. It must have hurt his manly pride. Maybe I was asking too much of him, maybe I should just forget about him.

"Don't judge me before I tell you. I'll tell you once, then you can make up your own mind." He said staring at his hands.

I braced myself and hoped that maybe I would finally get to know the real Syaoran.

x x x

**Syaoran's POV: 20 years ago from Present Day**

"Stop ignoring me!" She huffed and threw her magazine at me.

God she's such an irritating little bitch. I continued to ignore her and stare out the window at the massive gardens of her father's mansion. Rich snob.

"I'm talking to you!" She roared from across her room.

If she weren't the bosses' daughter I'd wring her neck and not let go until her face turned purple. I didn't want to be here, babysitting. I wanted to be out there, with the rest of them. I wanted to be on a _real_ mission. I hated the rookie status, constantly being indoors. I couldn't even use my gun.

"What do you want?" I said icily over my shoulder.

She lounged on her designer sofa in her silk nightgown. The nightgown slid off her shoulder to reveal a lace bra strap. Probably purposely done. Slut.

She played with her black hair, twisting it and un-twisting it around her finger. She was at least three years older than me and I had to admit, intimidating.

"I want to talk to you." She hummed smiling in a way that spelled trouble.

Again I turned my back to her and looked out the window praying that the boss would return home soon and dismiss me from his psycho daughter.

"I don't," I grunted.

"Oh Syao, are you still mad at me for getting you into trouble after last time? You know I didn't mean it." There was no sincerity in her voice at all, just mockery. She leaned back revealing a toned body as if to tease me.

As if I'd touch her. She was attractive I'll admit, but her hateful personality mentally blocked her physical features.

I was still mad. Last time she only wanted to 'go for a walk'. Somehow she slipped away from me and was found later with some guy. Lets just say the boss blew a fuse over it.

Consumed in my thoughts I didn't even notice her float up behind me. I jumped when her frail arms slithered around my waist and her face pressed against my back.

"Get off me," I warned as my body stiffened. I didn't like her touch, she was forever cold.

"You have to be nice to me Syaoran, remember?" She purred and tightened her embrace.

"Get off!" I growled and pried myself away from her as if she were poison.

She was poison.

I'd catch her staring at me with some sick plan probably brewing in her head. From the day I was recruited I never trusted her. She was sly, not to be trusted.

"Oh Syaoran, you're so tense." She giggled as if she were a school girl.

She slopped her thin body onto the chair and eyed me up with a crooked smile.

"I always get what I wasn't Syaoran, one day, you'll do anything I tell you." There was certainty in her voice.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"It means that you will serve me, and only me, as head of Li." She leaned her head against her fist and locked her eyes with mine.

"In you're fucking dreams. As if you would ever be leader of this gang."

"Oh ye of little fate." She snickered. "Tell me Syaoran, how does it feel being the bastard son of a whore and Xiao Lang Li? To be illegitimate, to never be head of Li?"

"I don't give a fuck" What's it to you anyway? You don't know anything." I muttered wishing for someone to end this misery.

"Just wondering, at least I know who my family is. It must be _so _hard being away from your sisters."

"What do you mean _sisters_? I have only one." I contradicted. I didn't like where she was going with this. I could tell she was up to something.

"Oops!" She said overdramatically. "Did I say too much? I thought you knew." She smiled revealing her small white teeth.

"What are you talking about? I have only one sister and my mother died in childbirth." I hissed at her.

"No, you're mother was a whore who was killed by the Clow gang and you have four sister." She continued to file her nails as if it meant nothing. "Well…_had._"

"You're lying."

"If you say so." She said shrugging. I just know what I overhear my father say.

"And that is?" I said becoming anxious. Meiling wasn't one to say things without having meaning behind the words.

"You have a sister called Sheifa, she was dumped at an orphanage in Mongolia, Feimei died of pneumonia at age five and Fuutie…" She stopped mud sentence.

"Fuutie…"

"How loyal are you to me Syaoran." She said suddenly.

I winced at her question and backed away from her. Her pretty but unusually striking face was as smooth as a pearl with a heart of black ice. She backed me into a corner.

"I've no loyalty to you, only to your father." Even with anger in my voice she didn't back off. "Tell me what you know."

"Well, I think you should reconsider."

"Why should I? I'd die before serving you." I spat bravely. Her hand, slender and white rested on my chest, its cold surface sending shivers down my spine.

"I don't believe that. You see, within the hour, you shall be leaderless." A sickening smile played on her lips.

"What does that mean?" My voice suddenly became small with apprehension. The room around us was silent with no sign of life lying behind them. I felt very, alone.

"Right about now, my father is begging for his life only to find it shall not be spared."

"How do you know?"

"Because I gave the order for him to be killed, to Eriol."

For a moment I could not piece together what she was saying. My mouth lay agape trying to picture something that could not possibly happen.

"You're lying. Eriol wouldn't kill him. He's loyal to him… Why would he do that?" I pulled myself together and clenched my fists.

"Is it not obvious? My father wants to call a truce with the Clow gang, the people who murdered his parents. He was already in rage, a few convincing word from me was all the motivation he needed to assassinate my father."

"no..." I started to shake my head. "He wouldn't, you're lying."

"He knows just like I do that this _gang_ is doomed if we forge with Clow. Eriol was promised revenge by my father but instead salt is being added to the wounds. When I take over he will get what was promised to him, and so will you." Her tone became professional, something I rarely seen from her. She suddenly seemed so much more intimidating.

"Nothing will benefit me by serving you…" I stuttered.

"That's what you think. Fine don't serve me; it's probably best you never meet your sister anyway."

"What?"

"You heard me, the sister that lived. Fuutie…"

"Where is she?"

Meiling crossed her arms in a victorious way. "She was sold off to Clow when she was seven to become a killer. My father seemed eager to get rid of her. He was in debt and selling her off paid for the rest of the debt."

"They bought my sister?" I said incredulously. Though I have never met this sister, I felt betrayed, denied of my own blood.

"Lots of gangs sell children. Training them young creates a better assassin, you should know this. So you see, standing by my side will secure her safety, bring her to our side. I'll even let her leave this life, she can start anew. My father is a liar and a coward. He won't fight Clow because he is afraid of losing. If we merge with Clow, the Reed organisation will take over and we will be nothing more than slaves and I know you especially don't want that again."

Her voice began to take a persuasive tone. Yet I knew it was crazy, crazy to put _her_, of all people leader of us. My hands began to shake. She could be bluffing, maybe there was no Fuutie….but what if there was? What if I did have a sister?

I felt my knees begin to buckle. I became indecisive of what to say. I needed Nadeshiko here to tell me what was the right thing to do. I couldn't make this choice by myself. I practically fell into the chair behind me and stared at the plum carpet in a world of my own. I ran a hand through my hair, gripping lumps of it and pulling at it to see if this truly weren't a dream.

It wasn't.

"Oh Syao," She said placing a white hand on my shoulder and proceeding to sit on my lap. "You may only be a rookie Syaoran but even you can see all of this," She extended her arms out. "All of this will fall disappear unless something changes." Her finger drew circles on my chest while her other hand stroked my cheek with the back of her fingertips.

It would have made my stomach turn if I were actually paying attention. I was in a trance. She was right. I didn't want to admit it but…she was right. Her father was not necessarily a _bad _leader, but he hesitated and we went nowhere. We were un feared, merely a nuisance to the people of Tomoeda. When my father was the leader, people trembled to her our name. It was about time something was done.

But…was Meiling really the one to follow? This girl was next in line, and she oozed a confidence her father never had. She had an ambitious glint in her eye yet it harboured something of a sinister and malevolent nature.

"By change you mean you?" Bitterness seeped into my voice.

"Yes. If Eriol knows it, doesn't that say something?" She whispered low into my ear making me silently shudder, Her breath was icy on my neck.

Eriol was never wrong…

"But he's your father, how c-could you send out an order to _kill_ him. You're next in line…"

"Patience," She said lowly still lingering on my face. "Was never my forte. You're too late Syaoran, in a matter of seconds my father's body will be stone cold, and his power, lost. You don't have a choice. You work for me now…you belong to me." With that statement, her lips pressed themselves against mine.

I snapped. My hands clasped both her bony shoulders and flung her off of me. She stumbled back but won back her composure just as quickly.

"You don't _own _me! Don't touch me again. I'm stopping Eriol before it's too late."

I began to march past her when quicker than lightning she pulled a gun at me. It was mere inches from my chest and had a mean glint to it. I patted my pockets only to discover it was my gun she took from me. She bounced on the stop giddily as if all this was serving her an adrenaline rush.

"You wouldn't." I said gritting my teeth.

"I've just ordered for my father to be assassinated, do you really think I'd think twice about you?"

"Do you actually think you'll get away with this? Don't you think the others will find out?"

"Leaders are crowned and leaders are killed. It's an everyday thing in this gang or don't you know that already? Who are they going to call the police?" She gave a brief and stock laugh. "No, they'll carry on and question nothing because that's how it works."

"What do you want from me Meiling?" I said desperately wanting an answer.

She walked a slow and cautious walk towards me stopping an inch from me with the gun pressed firmly against my chest.

"I want you, Syaoran. I always get what I want." Once again, a sickening flirtatious smile consumed her white face.

"Like…a boyfriend?" I said nervously and genuinely not knowing what she wanted from me.

Her piercing laugh cut across the room. "There is no love in this world we live in Syaoran. I look out for me, and only me. When I become leader of the Li gang, I need someone to protect me."

"Isn't that what Eriol is for? You already have him running around for you doing you're dirty work."

"True, but sometimes a girl needs more than that." She ran a hand over my chest almost approvingly. "I'll give you everything Syaoran. I'll bring your sister back to you and one day, I might give you you're freedom. Think about it, you'll be a free man unconfined to anyone. Not even me. And when you walk the streets of Tomoeda, people will know who you are, and they will fear you."

"At what cost?"

"You. I want you at my beck and call twenty-four seven, no matter what it is. You're better than all them Syaoran. Better than Eriol, better than Fanran, maybe even better than you're father was. With my help, you'll be the greatest assassin that ever lived, like your father, you will be undefeatable."

I didn't move an inch. I just stared into the black depths of her eyes considering whether to call her a bluff I knew wasn't there.

The phone in her pocket rang. Her eyes never left mine as she answered it. She listened and nodded as if speaking to the person face to face.

She snapped the phone shut with a grin.

"It is done."

I gulped and locked my jaw. I couldn't register the fact that he was now dead, by Eriol's hand, by Meilings orders.

"Eriol serves me well. The question is, will you?"

I pressed my lips into a hard line afraid of what might come out of them. She had me where she wanted me.

"Tell you what; I'll let you sleep on it." She tossed the gun onto her bed and backed away from me pleased that she had me half converted. "I know you'll make the right decision. It's not like you have anywhere else to go." She snickered and flopped onto the bed.

"You're dismissed." She said drowsily as if this was all an ordeal for her.

When I snapped out of my statue like state I staggered forward to get out as quickly as possible. There was something not right about Meiling. Something apart from her wicked and heartless schemes, there was something very wrong in her mind.

When the door shut behind me I swore I could still hear her laugh linger, and her kiss on my neck burn like acid. She had already marked me as hers.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

Sakura listened intently and her eyebrows knitted together trying to suss it all out. I omitted some parts to save some of my dignity.

"So…Was that the first night you slept with her?"

"No." I said briefly hoping she would drop the subject. It wasn't long after that confrontation with Meiling that I was requested upon for _'other duties'._

"So you swore to follow her."

"Yes."

"What convinced you?"

I hesitated for a second and stared at my hands. "You're mother."

She sat shocked registering that." Why would my mother agree to serve Meiling?"

"Because, she knew that nothing could be done. Nadeshiko despised Meiling but she knew she would be a good ruler. Harsh, and unnecessarily cruel, but a good leader."

Sakura nodded, at least she wasn't completely mad at me anymore.

"Does they really have you're sister?"

"Yeah, she'd only be thirteen now. She was only four when they sold her off. My father kept her and my other sisters a secret. They kept Fanran because she was a first born, and me because I was a boy. When they both died Meiling's father took us in, sold my sisters and trained Fanran and I as assassins."

I saw Sakura's eyes swell with pity for me. I was afraid of that. I rather she was angry with me then see me as a helpless toy boy.

"Don't give me pity, I don't need it." I muttered trying to regain my masculinity.

"So you don't…care for Meiling?"

That was a difficult question. I didn't necessarily _hate_ Meiling. I respected her for keeping my sister alive, even if Fuutie couldn't be with me here at the moment. Tensions were too high between Reed and Li to negotiate Fuutie's safe return. And Meiling has brought Li out of the shithole and made it a household name to be feared. For that, she has my utmost respect.

But for what she asks of me, the way she treats me as her possession created a certain rage in me that cannot be extinguished. Yet, I could say nothing because she is an unstable time bomb.

But yes, I guess I did care for her. But for reasons nobody else knows about. Reasons that I, and only I have seen.

I didn't reply to Sakura. It would just confuse her.

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Like I said it isn't the easiest thing in the world to talk about. I was hoping this…this thing between us would fizzle out into nothing, that way, no one gets hurt. I didn't plan for me to feel like this…" I didn't finish that sentence because, I wasn't sure how to finish it.

"Feel what?" her green eyes expanded and everything became still.

"Feel like…"

Abruptly I shot up. Sakura flinched and directed her eyes towards the garden below. The target arrived. He was a tall American gentleman who wore rather large sunglasses. His female companion looped her arm through his and smiled brilliantly as they began to walk towards the crowd with an entourage of body guards.

"Relax, you only get one shot at this. Just breath." I said hoping to reassure her. But I knew she would be ok. She didn't even need me here.

Though her hand was shaking, under my guidance I felt like she couldn't miss…One shot…

Bang.

X x x

**Sakura's POV**

In a matter of seconds we were in an alleyway retreating from the shock filled screams from the garden. My breath was uneven but I hardly noticed it due to the adrenaline rush I was feeling.

We stopped to catch my breath. I slumped against the wall. It went by so quick and I preferred it that way, it felt dethatched, like breaking up with someone through text except on a much larger scale.

"You did good." Syaoran said catching his breath.

I smiled, I liked it when he was proud of me. I was seeing him differently now, kinder. He was not made of ice like I initially thought. I felt so stupid for believing Rika so quickly before asking him.

He may have spoke too soon.

We heard the gunshot before I felt the sting in my shoulder. I hit the cold hard ground clutching my shoulder which oozed blood and pain. I hissed and pulled my body against the wall.

Syaoran whirled around and as if second nature to him and shot at the bodyguard who strayed away from the victim. I heard his body crash against a nearby dumpster.

"We need to get you to Tomoyo." He said scooping me into his arms and trudging foreword. I looked back and saw we were not followed.

He took out his phone and dialled rapidly.

"Tomoyo, it's Syaoran. Sakura got shit we're coming to you…"

X x x

"You'll be ok." Tomoyo said securing my doubts.

I smiled weakly and rolled my head back onto the couch. Today was not my day. Syaoran stood at the doorframe looking in at us, something he liked to do. Tomoyo plastered me up. She looked so tired and was off today. She still had her polite nature in tact but something tells me she was miles and miles away. I would have almost though she was crying.

"You may spend the night here if you wish." She said drowsily.

"I'll drop her home." Syaoran said briefly.

Tomoyo nodded and I thought she would fall off the chair with tiredness. I don't blame her, it was two in the morning and the last thing she needed was an injured little old me.

"Go to bed Tomoyo. I'm ok."

She attempted a smile and slouched off like a zombie past Syaoran.

Syaoran entered the room and I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be off with him with regards to the Meiling thing. He fell onto the space beside me and I curled away from him like a brat and rubbed my wounds.

"I can't take you anywhere without getting shot." He said sarcastically.

"Ha-ha, how sweet." I winced when I touched my wound. I didn't want him to see me in pain.

"You're still angry with me." He huffed crossing his arms.

"I just don't see why you're stalling. You're obviously here to kindly reject me."

He remained silent for a moment thinking about what I just said.

"That was my intention. But…it turns out that I…quite like you." He rushed the last part so much I almost didn't catch it.

"Sure you do. How do I know you're not just using me as an escape from Meiling?" My voice was monotone. I could understand his reasons for his past with Meiling. She can give him his sister back _and _Meiling's bi-polar like state must be extremely hard to deal with but…I had a feeling there was more to this.

"I'm not using you Sakura, regardless of what Rika says or think she knows."

I peeked over my shoulder to see if he was being serious. His face was stony staring at the opposite wall.

"But you were having doubts about us."

"Of course I was. Do you even know how risky this is? You don't realise how possessive Meiling is. "He sighed loudly hating mentioning her. "Look, Sakura it's not easy for me to say what I'm feeling because I never had to do it before, because I never liked someone like…" He broke off and I saw a slight hint of red flush to his face.

"But as I said, we can just leave now and go on with our lives as if tonight never happened. I'm good at doing things like that." I doubt he wanted me to pick up at the sadness in his voice, but I did.

"When you say you like me… do you _like_ me?"

Syaoran's cheeks flushed red again and I concealed a giggle. He scratched his head feeling uncomfortable, a habit I thought was cute.

"Yeah I guess I do…_like_ you."

This was the most human I ever seen Syaoran.

"You do?" I said half mumbling into the cushion of the couch and biting my lip.

"But I understand giving my history with Meiling, if you prefer we ended this thing we have."

"Well…maybe I don't want to…Maybe I like you too."

This would seem extremely unromantic. Two people confessing their fondness of each other and not even being able to look each other in the eye. Upstairs Tomoyo would be dead asleep whilst strange courting was happening in the infirmary.

This was a field neither of us were experienced in. Not many boys showed much of an interest in me during high school and when they did it was short lived. But at the end of the day… we were both just teenagers forced to live in an adult world, forced to grow up and abandon the experiences of youth. He was only eighteen with the mind of an assassin and experience way beyond his years, he probably never experienced first love or teen crushes.

Not only that, I had to grow up a lot recently. I thought I abandoned the hope of this ever happening to me so naturally, this was strange for me too.

So, to see him like this, so…human, it couldn't be any more perfect.

My heart pulsed so hard in my chest I thought it would break free from my ribcage.

"I understand about Meiling," I said suddenly becoming shy again. "But I think, I can overlook it…maybe. If you don't have feelings for her."

I know it sounded stupid. But if he truly felt nothing for Meiling, if that were the case then was it not just sex? It still sounded stupid. My mother raised me better than that.

But…I want to be with him, at least _try_. Meiling can't be that possessive can she?

"I don't and never had feelings for Meiling." He said that with utmost certainty that I couldn't not believe him.

His hand placed itself on my waist and his lips softly came down onto my neck. It was gentle and done out of gentleness and not lust. I truly believed him.

"You know we have to be a secret right? If Meiling ever found out…"

"I know." I whispered softly. His lips planted soft kisses on my neck and his thumb stroked my waist in a caring way. He really did have feelings for me. They weren't feigned, but genuine." Just tell me one thing Syaoran; are you hiding anything else from me? I don't think I can take any more secrets."

I wanted his response to be quick and immediate. But instead there was a pregnant pause that lingered an uncomfortable amount of time.

"No." He said sternly.

Maybe it was sudden fatigue that descended down on me, or maybe it was just my heart telling me to accept his suspicious denial, or maybe it was the passionate contact his lips made with mine that convinced me he wasn't lying.

Our fingers intertwined as me moved closed together embracing each others touch, basking in the stolen moments we had for now.

X x x

I was on cloud nine when I returned back to the apartment.

Fanran was in the kitchen making pop tarts while listening to the news on the t.v. Naoko was slumped at the computer as usual with her head resting on her fist. Her eye had swollen to the size of a golf ball and was the colour of a twilight sky. No comment has been made since Rika's out lash. In this place, we all seemed to turn a blind eye to Rika.

Fanran was violently cleaning dishes at the same time with her hair in a messy bun.

"You look angry." I commented entering the kitchen.

"Yeah well I've good reason to be." She muttered. "One job, _one job_ was all she had to fucking do but no, no she decides to go out and get hammered on vodka shots and tequila. And who gets the blame for it? me. Every fucking time."

I moaned inwardly knowing she was referring to Rika. Rika, I learned tend to fall into stages of alcoholism, bounce back for a few months, then fall off the wagon again.

"I've had Meiling in my fucking ear all day biting my head off about her because Rika's too passed out to answer the phone."

I felt sorry for Fanran, she was like the mother of all of us. Scowling Rika, making sure I'm ok settling in and protecting Naoko from Rika's bullying, not to mention having to stop Rika and I from killing each other. Although she had a tendency to let people walk all over her. She would curse under her breath but never confront people.

The news on the t.v was in the background. I intended to go straight to bed when I heard something that shocked me still.

'…_Reporting to you live from East Tomoeda where the murder of a women who is now identified as Nadeshiko Kinomoto, is suspecting to have something to do with the infamous Li gang. Nadeshiko Kinomoto was found dead in her apartment after neighbours reported hearing gunshots and screams coming from the house. It is suspected that Kinomoto's daughter, Sakura Kinomoto was abducted by the gang and is now being held for ransom however the whereabouts of Toya Kinomoto, the son of the victim, is still unknown_

I stood with my mouth agape and the blood draining from my face.

"T-Toya is…alive? Bu-but he was there. I saw him. He was dead-"

Or was he? I never checked, I-I just assumed he was. The pop tart fell out of Fanran's hand and slapped the floor. My heart at that instant ceased to beat and jumped to my throat.

As the reporter spoke my picture came on the screen with details of my name age and height.

"Oh Shit oh shit oh shit oh shit," Fanran said clawing at her hair. "This is not good, Meiling's going to kill us! Oh SHIT! 'No loose ends' she always says, what do you call this? Shit I better ring Eriol."

Naoko's fingers rapidly typed. "Oh dear…there's a whole report here. Toya Kinomoto was not found at the scene of the crime but traces of his blood was found there. His whereabouts are still unknown but police are carrying out an investigation."

I barely listened to her. My mind just kept thinking of that night. Toya's body, so still, eyes shut but giving no signs of life. He couldn't have survived, there was too much blood. Then again, that night I was too driven by rage, too overwhelmed with a longing for revenge to take in my surroundings.

Maybe he did survive.

"The police will eventually stop searching." Fanran said biting her nails in apprehension. "They'll see the link between him and us then stop searching."

None of then seemed concerned for the fact that this affected me, they didn't notice the color drain from my face. They only thought of the consequences, of Meiling.

I embraced myself suddenly feeling cold. I thought I was an orphan whose family was destroyed. But if Toya was alive…then… I had another purpose other than revenge…didn't I?...Maybe like Syaoran and Fuutie, I had to find my brother…

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

My door creaked open.

I kept my eyes shut and assumed a sleeping state. Like every other night, he peered his head through the door to check I was asleep before disappearing making little noise as he did so.

My eyes snapped open and I peeled the covers off me to reveal myself not in my pyjamas, but in shorts and black hoodie that would camouflage against the night. I slipped into my boots feeling a small adrenaline rush. No more secrets, I can't stay in this apartment a moment longer. I was going crazy being a prisoner confined to district 19.

It was time to unleash my curious side. To get a glimpse of my father's life outside these four walls.

x x x x x x x x x x x

**My final exams are in 30 DAYS! It'll be a long time before the next update!**

**Anyway apologies for the very short Syaoran/Rae interaction.**

**As soon as exams are done I'll be concentrating all my attention in this story! I know there's a lot of sub plots in this and a lot of mysteries but I have the story more or less figured out so I know where I'm going with this! d^^b**

**Thanks' so much for your reviews, they're so encouraging. Unfortunately I couldn't do two chapters this time Hasuki but I'll try in the future!**

**Anyway, R&R!**

**Happy Reading!**


	11. An Enemy

**I'm back!**

**Finished my final exams so i've lots of time for this story! **

**Thanks so much for your patience and I hope you enjoy these chapters!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

Slipping into the darkness of the alley I shuddered at the sudden coldness.

His footsteps became almost inaudible and I thought I lost him. The air was sharp and crisp. The tall buildings and apartment blocks of district 19 sheltered me from exposure. Syaoran walked on unafraid of possible attack or an encounter, his years of experience gave him a confident and sleek aura. I was surprised he didn't sense me yet following him. Maybe I was better than I thought.

He turned a corner and I slithered along the wall following him. I recognised this place, it was the warehouse that Syaoran first found me.

He walked along the quiet alley until he disappeared into the darkness. I crept in his footsteps and stopped dead in my tracks when a car came to life within. I jumped and rushed back around the corner. The car hummed lowly and I peered over the corner and saw Syaoran standing and seeming to stare at something. The car then switched off and from it emerged someone.

Silence descended and neither of them spoke. They were statues as tall as each other and cloaked in mystery. Then a woman's voice pierced the atmosphere.

"I thought you weren't coming." She said.

I saw Syaoran smirk. "Now why would I do that?"

I was taken by surprise when she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. At first he didn't move and then slowly his arms wrapped around her tiny waist in a caring manner. I bit my lip and tried to make out her face.

Her hair was a light honey blonde and her frame was thin.

She pulled away and wiped her eye, crying maybe?

"It's been so long, I haven't heard from you in a year I thought you were…" She broke off mid sentence and caught her breath. She seemed shaken.

Who was this woman? I began to assume all sorts of wild theories. Was she a ex? A friend from Li? A girlfriend? God I hope not.

"I know I'm sorry. I've been…busy."

"Too busy to let your sister know you're alive!" She yelled with some anger. "I've been worried sick!"

Syaoran looked down ashamed. I slapped my hand onto my mouth. Syaoran had a sister?

"I know I know but I knew you were ok." He defended. "Did you come alone?" He asked scanning the area with suspicion.

"Yeah, it was difficult though. She was suspicious. What's wrong? You sounded urgent on the phone." She squinted and grabbed his hands.

"There's something up, I think it has to do with Meiling." His voice went from gentle to sudden sternness.

The woman raised an eyebrow and pondered. "And why do you think that?"

Syaoran was sketchy and looked all around him. I took it he wouldn't reveal that the source of his suspicion was me, that he had a daughter he didn't know about.

"I've just a feeling. Has Meiling been preparing for something? A war maybe?"

The woman knitted her eyebrows together and crossed her athletic arms across her chest. She had a face strikingly similar to Syaorans. It should have been obvious that she was a relative of his.

"Please, Meiling is not half the woman she was when you were working for her. She's changed and not for the better. If a war is coming, Li will be annihilated within mere hours. There is nothing we would be able to do."

"Surely you're not that weak."

"Syaoran you don't realise! After you left Li our numbers dropped. You have no idea what it's like anymore, things have changed, the people have changed. Meiling…she's…." She pressed her lips together and rubbed his shoulder caringly. "What's going on Syaoran? Why out of nowhere are you back. I thought you left Tomoeda a long time ago, after Sakura-"

"Yeah well things have changed." He muttered and walked away. "Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it."

"Well I can try and keep you updated when I can but it's really risky Syaoran if I get caught…"

"I know," he said, "But I don't see why you don't just leave Fanran, what's in it for you?" He outstretched his arms in a pleading way.

Fanran's posture suddenly stiffened and a stern look consumed her face. "Until I get my sister back, I'm staying no matter how degrading this job may be now."

Syaoran opened his mouth to say something but was cut short by the roar of a car came suddenly towards them from nowhere. I scattered further back and pressed myself against the wall.

The car came to a sudden halt in front of them and it rumbled to a silence. When the door opened Syaoran pulled out a gun but Fanran stopped him and pushed him back as if being protective of her little brother.

A man tall and familiar stepped out of the car with his hair brown and slicked back. His pronounced cheek bones were visible even from here. I gasped silently, recognising him.

"Takashi." Syaoran said with bitter disgust.

At first Takashi was stunned. His face froze and revealed something dark inside him. This seemed like a reunion of the most unpleasant kind. I saw his fists ball up so much the veins of his knuckles protruded out. His whole body stiffened as if Syaoran was a ghost. The atmosphere was the most tense I ever felt it.

Then, Takashi seemed to momentarily relax and take up a certain confidence.

"Well, well, well... the great Syaoran Li, rumour has it you died along time ago." He smiled crookedly and leaned back onto the car, "And yet here you stand, I hate to interrupt the reunion." He said stabbing a gaze at Fanran who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"I wonder what the boss will have to say about all of this," His tone was as threatening and confident as the night I first met him. Syaoran and Fanran seemed uneasy with him here.

"You're not going to say anything, she wouldn't believe you anyway," Fanran retaliated but seemed to lack the confidence Takashi had.

"You want to risk that?" He began to walk up towards Fanran and got mere inches towards her face. "That bitch I wrapped around my little finger. I whispers the orders into her ear not you, you piece of shit-"

Syaoran lunged foreword knocking Fanran over and pinned Takashi against the car with his hands chocking him by the collar. A small gasp escaped my throat at Syaoran fierce impulsive actions.

"I should have fucking killed you all them years ago when I had the chance you piece of shit."

"But you didn't did you?" Takashi said smiling crookedly seeming unaffected by Syaoran's threat. In fact, Takashi seemed to get enjoyment out of pushing Syaoran's buttons.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're alive Syaoran, I dreamed this would happen. It seemed unfair that you seemingly died without us making up." His tone was mocking and sadistic and enough to send Syaoran over the edge.

Syaoran's fist engraved itself into Takashi's eye. I screeched a little and contemplated on whether or not to do something.

"Syaoran stop!" Fanran screamed but he remained oblivious to her cries.

I had to do something didn't I?

Then, from nowhere, I heard a distinct click at my ear. I gulped and slowly turned my head to see a man with a gun at my head. He was small, maybe the same height as me but was tubby with a double chin. He came from nowhere and looked perplexed to see me hiding and witnessing the action.

"Takashi!" He called over but never taking is eyes of me. "I found a snitch."

I felt their eyes all on me, watching me. He grabbed my collar and hoisted me up into full view of everyone. I struggled a bit but lost my footing.

Syaoran's eyes expanded and his mouth dropped. The realisation that I was here drove him into shock. Fanran's face was one of surprise.

"You again?" Takashi said almost appalled.

I felt my heart stop for a second. I was in serious danger no.

"Want me to shoot her boss?" said the small man holding onto me.

Syaoran like lightning pulled out a gun and with his many years of experience aimed perfectly for his shoulder. I felt his grip loosen and I scattered back. Another gun shot sounded and I heard a yelp from Syaoran. He collapsed onto his knees and clutched his shoulder. I yelled as if it would help the situation. I never seen Syaoran injured, ever. Takashi walked over and kicked the gun from Syaoran's reach.

"Stop Takashi!" Fanran said holding a gun up to his direction.

"And who's this?" He said with a slimy smirk.

I shuddered when he looked at me with evil intentions. He cocked his head to the side and slanted his eyes.

"You're familiar looking. Do you know her Syaoran?" He said pointing his gun to the back of Syaoran's head.

Syaoran, holding his shoulder looked up to me in a way that was heartbreaking. I knew I made a mistake following him, and he knew it too.

"No." Syaoran said but faltered.

"Well then, I guess you wouldn't mind one less kid on the streets" He said aiming for me.

"No wait!" Syaoran said giving away the lie.

"Hang on!" Takashi said with an exaggerated grin and shaking his finger at me. "Are you… no." He cocked his head to the side. "Would this happen to be a relation of yours Syaroan, a daughter maybe?"

"No she's just a kid I know she's nothing to do with us Takashi, it's just between you and me. Leave her out of it." Syaoran pleaded me with his eyes to go, leave while I could but I was frozen to the ground.

"Well, I have been waiting so long for this moment Syaoran, I think after all these years, I deserve it." Takashi's face became sinister with hate that he had for Syaoran.

Someone had to do something but I felt myself completely unable to act.

It was Fanran who attacked Takashi. She flipped the gun around and hit him with full force on the back of the head. He obviously wasn't expecting it because his reaction was slow and too late. His body slumped ungracefully onto the ground.

Syaoran hissed at the bullet wound in his shoulder. Seeing Takashi's limp body he picked up the gun and cocked it back.

"Syaoran don't! Just leave him."

Syaoran looked reluctant to leave but he managed to remain tame. Then his eyes shot to me and I felt my body freeze over. I thought he was going to lunge at me in anger but instead he winced and with his bloody hand he clutched his wound.

"Lets go," Fanran said giving me suspicious side glances.

All I could do was follow them with my mind in a fluster. Damn my curiosity! Why didn't I just listen to him? Why couldn't I just stay at home? Never have I seen Syaoran weakened, and it was my fault.

X x x

I shuffled on the spot listening to their voices in the kitchen.

My heart was racing, I didn't know how to feel. Apart from their muffled voices I heard Syaoran hissing as Fanran nursed his wound. Then finally he emerged from the kitchen and glared at me. I never saw him so angry.

"What the fuck were you doing out there? I told you to stay here don't you listen!" He was fully screaming at me with his amber eyes blazing. My voice caught in my throat and I couldn't make up an excuse that would redeem myself other than my pure curiosity.

"I-I didn't know-"

"I told you to stay here! You could have been hurt!"

"I don't know I just went I didn't know he'd be here! I swear I'm sorry!"

"Why can't you just listen to me for once. This isn't the valley this is Tomoeda city what were you thinking?"

"Syaoran relax, you're still injured." Fanran said emerging behind him with a neutral face. Her features were sharp now that I could see her properly. She had an intimidating height that scared me. The two of them made me feel so small.

Syaoran eased into the stool beside me and sighed loudly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think he'd be there again."

"Again? You seen him before?" Fanran said addressing me for the first time.

"It's a long story Fanran." Syaoran said pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"Who are you anyway?" Fanran asked in a not so polite manner. She placed her hands on her hips and shot a cold glare that would be similar to Syaoran's. "You look familiar." She cocked her head to the side and scrutinized me.

I froze and swirled towards Syaoran who avoided my gaze. An unnerving silence took hold of the atmosphere which added to her suspicion.

"Syaoran?" She said raising her voice.

Syaoran rubbed his eyes and blew hot air out of his cheeks before leaning in and whispering something inaudible into her ear. Though I couldn't hear what he said, her face said it all.

X x x

"I just can't believe it." She said sipping her hot tea and shaking her head. "I mean, I didn't even know you saw Sakura before she left….I can't believe it." Fanran sat bewildered at the revelation that she had a niece.

Syaoran passed no comment as he disappeared into the bathroom muttering something about how I was just like _her_, probably meaning my mother.

"You're just like Sakura you know." Fanran said leaning over the counter and whispering to me. "She would have done exactly what you did tonight, only, she would have brought a gun." She winked at me.

I saw a warmer side to her. She actually became quite excited about my presence. I got the impression she was the fun aunt. She was the only person, and probably will be the only person I'll ever see be motherly to Syaoran. "But you act just like him, you're both stubborn."

"I heard that." Syaoran called un amused.

I couldn't believe I actually had an aunt. Although aunt Tomoyo was irreplaceable to me, Fanran seemed to be the type of person who would have wanted to be a apart of my life. I giggled liking the immediate warmth Fanran offered to me. We chatted about lots of things, about my mother too. It was strange, talking about my mother when Syaoran liked to remain tight lipped about it. I had a connection with Fanran, she knew how to talk on my level and treated me more like an adult than Syaoran did.

"Did Tomoyo ever mention anything about us?" She asked hopeful only to be disappointed when I told her no.

"Aunt Tomoyo was always secretive about her past, I knew nothing about any of it until I became here."

"How did you end up here?" She asked puzzled.

"That's why I wanted to see you." Syaoran mused. "Tomoyo wouldn't have sent her if there was something wrong." They began to discuss the mystery of why I was sent here when I suddenly became extremely drowsy. I rested my head onto my arms and felt my lids become very heavy.

"I think you should go to bed Rae." Syaoran said not in an angry voice, but one of concern. His face told me I was forgiven, or maybe he too was too tired for this.

I nodded and my body agreed with that statement. Fanran gave me a caring smile, "Goodnight sweetheart,"

I knitted my eyebrows together worriedly. "I'm going to see you again aren't I?" I stood nervously with a feeling my hopes will be dashed. I didn't want her to disappear and become a small blip in my life that would become a vague memory.

"Of course!" She said clasping my hands. "If your dad will let me." She beamed a smile at me obviously not sensing the awkward atmosphere when she referred to Syaoran as my 'dad'

Syaoran nodded and looked away probably embarrassed as Fanran's assumption that we were close enough for me to call him dad.

I smiled meekly and disappeared into my room. As I've said before, I had a curious trait. I stood in my room listening through the crack of the door to their conversation. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I was curious as to what happened tonight.

"You can't go back to them Fanran, not now that Takashi knows you saw me."

"What can I do Syaoran? I've nowhere else to go!"

"Stay here, look, they won't be able to find you here."

"And what about Fuutie?" she said angrily. "You may have given up on her Syaoran but I haven't."

"You don't know if she's even alive Fanran, you're wasting your time with Meiling she won't be able to do anything."

"She's my only link so far Syaoran. I took care of her and you when we were kids and I'm not going to just give up on her! The only reason I joined Li was to get you and her back. I got you and I'm not leaving her." Fanran's tone matched his. They were as stern as each other.

Syaoran remained quiet for a minute. "What about Takashi? You don't think he's just going to let it drop do you?"

"No, but he won't tell Meiling. He can't prove anything."

I sat on my bed and curled my knees into my chest and rested my head into them.

"Takashi's changed. It's hard believe who he use to be." Fanran said almost remorseful. "Now he's just…evil."

"I can bet it's my fault." Syaoran said bitterly.

"It wasn't just you Syaoran, he hated us all. That hate just manifested itself over the years and turned him into the person he is now. We were all to blame. We didn't know how that incident would have effected him."

"We didn't care either." Syaoran said and sighed.

I winced not understanding what they were saying. I only ran into Takashi twice and that was enough. He was a man who bore hate in his eyes and I hoped never to have to run into him again. But by the way they were speaking, it would appear he was not always like that.

"We should have listened to Eriol." Fanran said in a melancholic tone. "He predicted this would happen, but we ignored him. Takashi was always too weak for this world. Even if that incident didn't happen, he wouldn't have been able for it. It's all an act, all of it. He acts tough, confident, but inside he's still suffering."

They sat in silence almost in a nostalgic state. The people of Syaoran's past once again came back to haunt him…

"We should have listened to Eriol, especially when it came to Takashi…"

X x x

**Eriol's POV: 17 years ago**

I glared through the gap of the thin white curtain, observing them.

There they stood arrogant and untroubled by their highly dangerous situation. They were just about secluded behind a wall of the alley.

Syaoran holds her hands and smiles down with a certain charm in his face. Her face reads sadness, her shoulders slumped with circled under her eyes.

The news of her brothers' survival has caused concern amongst us all. Syaoran cups her face with one hand and in what appears to be a few simple words she beams a smile similar to Nadeshiko's and she puts her arms around his waist and nestles her forehead into his chest.

As Syaoran sinks his face into her hair my grip around the curtain tightens.

It looks like my plans from keeping them apart is failing. I've warned him so many times, sent my signals of disapproval towards them both and even attempted to change their schedules but my efforts amount to nothing. They still manage to find a way towards each other.

I didn't understand it. He was risking so much, so much for one girl. His life, his sister or should I say sisters, and any chance he had to take over Li, all risked for one girl. She must be something special. Nevertheless, it _must _end. If they got caught, the consequences for others would be extreme.

She lifted her head to him and said something that made him smile. It was a different type of charm he had around her, different to Meiling, not feigned or with a hint of artificial flirtation. This seemed genuine. Though I was happy that after so many years Syaoran seemed to be…happy. Not the type of joy or adrenaline rush you got from killing but…genuine happiness.

Unfortunately it had to end.

Sakura slowly walked out of his arms but Syaoran caught her before their fingertips parted. He reeled her in by the wrist to plant a rough kiss on her lips.

I stormed away with anger pulsating through my veins.

The door creaked open and Takashi walked in with a subtle grin on his face in his ill fitting work suit.

"And where the fuck were you?" I roared causing him to jump.

"I-I uh Meiling, I-"

"You were with her again weren't you? Fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you! With all of you? Do you want to die?"

I furiously ran my hand along the table knocking over all its contents.

"Damn it Takashi she'll die if Meiling catches you! You _know _what happened last time she caught someone don't you? DON'T YOU!"

He looked down at his feet. He wasn't a fan of confrontation, ironic considering what his profession was.

"I warned you Takashi, I knew this would happen but you didn't listen to me…" I trailed off with regret.

As bad as Sakura was, Chiharu was on another level. Many a time she'd loiter around the perimeter of Meiling's offices looking for him as if wanting to expose Takashi. Chiharu had no idea what Takashi really did, poor girl thought he was an accountant, which technically he was.

I warned Takashi to tell the girl the truth about who he is, scare her off and not let her return into his life. But he was stubborn; in fact, it was the only thing he stood up for. Always defending his relationship with her, saying he'd never get caught.

He was hopelessly and stupidly in love with her. It would be his downfall. I knew though, I knew she wasn't as clueless as he made her out to be. That girl knew things about us, things she shouldn't know. That's exactly why Meiling has her policy about love. I've never met Chiharu in person, none of us had. We've only seen her from miles away through the shaded windows of cars. No, she was Takashi's little 'secret'.

I sighed, not for long.

"I'm being really careful Eriol," He said in a weak voice still not having the nerve to look me in the eye. "I won't get caught. Honestly." He twisted the papers nervously in his hands and shuffled on the spot.

I removed my glasses to pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration.

I could practically hear Tomoyo telling me to calm down. The thoughts of seeing her tonight were the only thing keeping me going.

I shouldn't take my anger out on Takashi. In fact, today of all days, I should be terrifyingly nice to him because today, would probably become the single worst day of his life, and he didn't even know what was coming.

Glancing through the curtain again Sakura was making her was through the yard unaccompanied. Then an idea formed brilliantly in my head. An idea that would hopefully put an end to all of this and maybe they would see that I truly was only doing this for their sakes.

"We'll be fine." Takashi said making firm eye contact with me. "I'll protect her with my life, like you would Tomoyo." And with that he left with a spritely hop.

Poor damned bastard.

"I warned you," I said to myself looking through the window. "I warned you all."

x


	12. There's No Love Here

**Sakura's POV: 17 years ago**

"Sakura."

I jumped a whirled around to see Eriol standing in the doorway. He didn't look at me but kept his gaze on the file in his hand.

"Yes?" I said trying to keep my voice steady and not give away my previous location.

I was jumpy and a little skittish since the news of Toya. Eriol's constant appearing from nowhere didn't help.

"Come with me." His tone was almost warmer than usual. I fell into suit behind him keeping up with his long strides.

"What are we doing?"

"I want to show you something." He said not lifting his eyes up for a second.

We walked through the silent halls and my heart pulsed extra hard for a second when I realised we were heading towards Meiling's office. I groaned inwardly. I hated Meiling's office. It radiated her dominance and there was always a ninety per cent chance that you fucked up on something when you were summoned to her office.

We passed by other people, some assassins, some traders, some negotiators, all working for Meiling. In all, Meiling had about twenty assassins. Syaoran, Eriol, Fanran, Rika, myself and three others were among the most respected of them all.

None of the other assassins had a burn mark, a symbol that marked them as Meiling.

We stopped in front of the dreaded double brass doors. Eriol placed a hand on the handle but before he opened them he stabbed his sapphire eyes at me and said.

"Don't say a word when we enter. Stand at the back quietly and say nothing."

I gulped. "I'm in trouble aren't I? Meiling's pissed off at me isn't she?" I stuttered imagining all sorts of horrors waiting behind that door. Oh God, what if she knows about Syaoran and I? My heart thumped in my chest.

Before I could ask any more questions he subtly opened the door and walked in. I did what I was told and stayed at the back with my body pressed as tight as it could be against the wall. The room was deathly still with Meiling sitting prim and proper across someone. Herself and a man who sat crossed legged on the other side of the silver coffee table listened intently to Meiling.

Eriol took his place standing behind Meiling like a pillar. He seemed on edge, not his usual fearful self. I mean, he was still fearful but he was stiff and glared angrily at the opposite wall. Then I remembered what Syaoran said.

The man had very light brown hair, almost greyish yet he was quite young. He sat with his back to me so I could not see his face.

I almost didn't notice Takashi in the opposite corner to me quietly doing notes and accounting for Meiling. He was squashed into the corner and forced to hunch over a tiny desk. He looked so tired. Any time I seen Takashi he was always in a hurry to fulfil a duty for Meiling. This however, was almost a public display of humility. He was a very humble and soft spoken man. Prone to be a pushover but his soft side redeemed him somewhat.

"I still do not know what you're talking about." Meiling said casually and not acknowledging my presence, thank God.

The man's posture stiffened and he sat up straight mimicking her posture. "We both know that's a lie Meiling. You are making things unnecessarily awkward for everyone. If you want this to go away then you better pay back what you took from us."

"And like I said, your unfortunate situation has nothing to do with me or the Li organization."

"Our chief negotiator and eastern arms supplier was assassinated just before a major deal was about to be struck. Is it just coincidence he was killed merely twenty minutes from your base?"

Meiling harboured a face of disinterest. Then I realised the horrible fact that it was I who assassinated their negotiator. I looked down in case my guilty face would give Meiling's charade away.

"Look Meiling-"

"No, you look Mr. Tsukishiro, unless you have concrete evidence then I'm afraid we are simply wasting our time." Meiling said plastering a fake smile across her lips. "Why on earth would I want to interfere with you're business?" Again there was false charm in her voice.

The name Mr Tsukishiro rang all sorts of alarm bells in my head. He was the chief negotiator and very important representative of the Clow organization. Then I realised the anger that radiated form Eriol. The Clow organization killed his parents. It must be difficult for him to be in the same room as them. Poor Eriol, it was a bit mean of Meiling to have him assist for meetings like this. Then again, Meiling never really cared.

The man balled his fists and tensed, causing his suit to crease. "Clow may be a man of patience Meiling but that will soon snap if you don't stop interfering."

"Well then maybe next time the almighty Clow will grace me with his presence next time instead of sending his cronies. Until then I don't believe we have any more to discuss." Meiling snapped the folder in her hand shut, signalling an end to their meeting.

Mr Tsukishiro shot up and grabbed his briefcase. "Fine, you better pray that an 'accident' doesn't befall you or you're organization."

"Don't worry about that Tsukishiro-san, we are very careful here at Li."

"By the way, you still owe us a considerable amount of money. I hope you haven't forgotten?

For the first time I saw Meiling become slightly fazed. Her hand clutched the folder and she said half controlled, "Of course not. You will be paid off very soon."

"I believe you said that seven months ago." He smirked. He patted down the creases in his suit.

He was a tallish man with a very narrow face and very sharp glasses. His frame was skinny compared to Syaoran's and his eyes were a lime green. He was about to walk away when he made eye contact with me. Immediately, I averted my eyes towards the maroon floor.

"And who is this? New recruit Meiling?" He asked over his shoulder.

Meiling's eyes snapped up to meet mine as if suddenly acknowledging my presence. "Yes," Then suddenly she perked up. "Surely you recognise her?"

Mr Tsukishiro scrutinised me a moment longer and I felt my face going red. I always hated to be the centre of attention.

"Yes, she actually looks quite familiar."

I didn't like the way I was referred to as a third person, an animal who didn't know communication.

"She should, that's Nadeshiko's daughter." The way Meiling said that was snarky with a hint of venom.

Mr Tsukishiro's eyes bulged and a smile consumed his face. It was a creepy and crooked smile that made me nervous.

"Well isn't she as pretty as a picture." He said and drank me in approvingly.

I didn't appreciate being complemented by the rival gang's businessman. Suddenly I wanted Syaoran here, somebody to shield me from this….creep. Of course if Syaoran _was_ here it wasn't like he could do anything about it. Not with Meiling here anyway.

"Let's just hope she has the loyalty her mother lacked." She said stabbing yet another insult to my mother through me. My fists automatically balled themselves.

"Oh I think she's a little feistier than Nadeshiko, Meiling. I'd keep my eye on this one."

Meiling's eyes narrowed at me as if _I_ were the one saying all of this. Mr Tsukishiro continued to eye me and a cold shiver travelled up my spine. Surely, Eriol did not bring me here to be put under the spotlight did he?

Mr Tsukishiro bowed slightly at me and said, "And I use to think Meiling was the prettiest thing in Li."

He slyly glanced over his shoulder to see her jaw lock in anger. She struggled to keep her flawless face from cracking with jealousy. I really wanted the wall to absorb me inside its hard surface, away from the awkwardness and obvious tension in the room. Meiling's face gave away inner anger. One thing I learned from Syaoran was that Meiling liked to think she was the most beautiful thing in Tomoeda and liked to be reminded of so.

Behind her profession, lay an extremely insecure and envious girl. I knew Mr Tsukishiro only said that to hit a sore spot. Something told me they were bitter enemies for a long time now.

Mr Tsukishiro left with his head arrogantly high and left behind him an awkward atmosphere. I made firm eye contact with the floor fearing Meiling would shoot me for daring to look at her.

I heard her drop her folder onto the coffee table followed by the click of her heels as she made her way to her large desk. There was silence for a minute before she lifter her head and angled it a fraction towards Takashi.

"Takashi," Meiling said in a casual enough voice that shouldn't cause suspicion.

Takashi stopped what he was doing and a petrified look formed on his face. Nervously, his head rose half way towards her. "Y-yes Meiling?"

Meiling continued to gaze at the wall not looking at Takashi. Takashi could only see the back of the powerful chair she sat in. He nervously played with the pencil in his hands waiting for Meiling's response.

"You're a good accountant Takashi." Her eyes remained fixated on the brass doors.

Takashi breathed a silent sigh of relief. But by the strange expression on Eriol's face, there was more to come.

"You do you're job well, you're a vital asset to me. Nevertheless, you're not a good assassin."

Takashi bowed his head as of he already knew this.

"When I first recruited you, I had high hopes for you. I knew you'd never reach the level of Syaoran or Eriol, but I had hope that you would be of considerable use with a gun. Unfortunately, as the years went by you have proven yourself to be totally, completely and utterly useless to me apart from your talent with numbers." Meiling kept a straight face as she said this, her eyes never leaving the doors.

"Yes Meiling." Takashi said miserably. I felt for him, I really did. Meiling liked public humiliation.

"I never understood. I've always had a talent for recruiting people. When it came to you, you always had great potential-yet, over the years you began to lack more and more, become weaker and a liability. I just couldn't understand where the source of your decline lay."

From outside the double doors I heard voices and soft footsteps approaching us.

Meiling's lip curved upwards subtly and slyly. "Then I figured it out."

The handle of the door twisted and opened. From it stepped in a young woman with deep brown glossy hair. There was a sweet smile on her lips and her clothes were bright in contrast to the dull tones of Meiling's office.

She seemed so human and normal, part of the outside world.

Syaoran followed with a serious and stony expression on his face. He didn't notice me as he closed the brass doors behind him.

Eriol's eyes were on me sending me messages I didn't know how to interoperate. When Syaoran saw me his whole body went ridged and he shot a glare at Eriol before he took his place behind the girl. All eyes in the room were on the girl who smiled innocent and seemingly arrogant of the dangers around her.

Call it my sixth sense, but I knew she was not anyone of the Li organization. The biggest giveaway was Takashi's reaction. He bolted up almost knocking over the table. His eyes practically bulged from his head, it was the quickest I ever seen him react.

The girl stood beaming a smile at him which soon diminished into an awkward smirk. Takashi's head swerved from Meiling to the girl and I could practically feel his suspense.

"Do you know this girl? We found her standing outside looking for you Takashi." Meiling asked him with an expression of sly delight.

"N-, No…" He stuttered and avoided eye contact with her.

The girls face completely dropped. "T-Takashi?"

"Oh how sweet!" Meiling said sarcastically. "She knows your name. Won't you sit down dear?"

She sat gracefully onto the chair across from Meiling's desk looking at Takashi's face trying to get him to look at her but he wouldn't return her gaze.

"What's your name honey?" Meiling said beaming a false smile.

"Chiharu."

At that moment it all clicked. Syaoran told me about Takashi's Chiharu. Then it all made sense. Under Meiling's dictatorship, love was banned. Love makes an assassin weak. Takashi had obviously carried out an affair with her for many years now behind Meiling's back. Chiharu, was obviously not informed of Takashi's true profession, and unaware she was sitting in front of the most dangerous women in Japan.

Why did Eriol want me to see this?

"What a lovely name, Takashi do sit down. You are making both myself and Chiharu nervous."

I could tell Meiling was playing a sick little game. The consequences were what I was most concerned about.

Takashi gulped, and obediently sat back down slowly. His face was pale, as if he was going to get sick.

"Tell me Chiharu, how do you know my accountant?" Meiling asked easing into her chair.

"Um…we met four years ago, started talking and then from there well…." She shrugged suggesting the rest of what was forbidden romance, was history.

She kept looking over at Takashi for back up but silent he remained.

"How lovely. Tell me, what is your profession dear?"

"Oh I'm a journalist!"

I groaned inwardly. A journalist who could publish anything, secrets of Li…this girl would prove disastrous to Li.

"Interesting, I'm sure Takashi has told you all sorts about his profession." Meiling said narrowing her eyes and subtly steering towards a dangerous subject.

"Oh no, Takashi's very secret, he tells me nothing."

"I'm sure he doesn't," Meiling stared the girl into awkwardness. Chiharu began to shuffle nervously probably sensing that there was something very wrong.

Meiling opened the drawer underneath her desk and presented Chiharu with a brown folder. Chiharu looked from it to Meiling not knowing how to respond.

"I thought, as a journalist you might be interested to see some of Takashi's earlier work, when I first hired him. He was very ahem….efficient." Meiling's smile couldn't have been more sinister.

As Chiharu's hand touched the brown folder Takashi shot up. "Meiling please! I can explain. I-I-it's not what it looks like!" The plea in his voice was heartbreaking. "Please just don't do this, please…she doesn't know anything I swear."

"Sit down Takashi. You shouldn't have started something you can't finish. And anyway, isn't honesty the best policy? Open it up dear; see what an excellent _accountant _your Takashi is."

I believe it was genuine curiosity that made Chiharu open that folder regardless of Takashi's plea's. I could not see the photograph properly from where I stood but I saw red in it. Red and flesh coloured tones that gave away the brutal scene of a murder. The colour in Chiharu's face drained within second and she held her stomach as if ready to vomit.

Finally her head rose up to look horrified at Takashi.

"You see, Takashi is an accountant, by day. By night he is-well, use to be a great assassin in Japan. You seem to be the reason he's lacking."

Chiharu's eyes skimmed over to Eriol, Syaoran, and then to me. Her eyes settled on the mark on my arm, the mark of Li.

"And you see, in my profession, I can't have distractions. Unfortunatly my dear, you are one."

Suddenly she shuddered, placed the folder neatly back onto the table, and bolted.

If it weren't for the fact that Syaoran moved like lightning she would have made it out the door. He grabbed her and held her arms tight, constricting her with one arm with the other holding a gun against her head. I, who was not use to this gasped and jumped back into the corner. Chiharu twisted and turned in attempts to break free.

Takashi pulled out his gun and for the first time ever I seen him aim a gun at someone, that someone being Meiling.

"Stop! Don't you fucking touch her!" He screamed in way that should have been brave but came across as frightened. His aim and stance was worst than mine when I first held a gun.

"Don't Takashi," Eriol said pulling his gun out on Takashi. Eriol seemed to genuinely not want to shoot im but we all knew that is Meiling clicked her fingers, he'd do it. Eriol's face practically pleaded with him to not do anything stupid. There were guns everywhere. Chiharu whimpered and her hands agitated uncontrollably.

"Let her go Meiling she didn't do anything."

"You still don't realise Takashi do you? I'm doing this for you. What a shame, such a pretty girl." Meiling said walking over to the window.

"I'll fucking kill you if you hurt her! Don't think I won't!" He said with trembling hands. His affections for Chiharu obviously went beyond a mere fling, they ran deep, deep enough to dare threaten Meiling.

Meiling sighed as if he were a boy having a tantrum. "It's so sad, so see someone like you throw everything away for love. This girl has crippled you, made you half the man you were when you came to us."

"I'll shoot you Meiling I swear I will."

"And then Eriol will kill you, how tragic." She said sarcastically. "For what? A girl. You see Takashi, what separated you from Eriol and Syaoran is intelligence. Shoot, try it. you'll find Syaoran emptied you're gun."

Takashi's eyes expanded when he found this to be true.

"Takashi, you really are a disappointment. All the genius you came here with is replaced with _her_. You are weakened by this girl." Meiling sauntered over to him, took the gun from his hand and placed it on the table.

Takashi looked as if he would break down at any moment. He looked at Chiharu searching for a way out, a way to keep her safe.

"Understand, that I'm doing this for you Takashi, you have to learn." Meiling said as if she were a teacher teaching a pupil a lesson.

"Takashi?" Chiharu whimpered with a face wet with a overflow of salty tears in Syaoran's grasp. I looked away, I couldn't watch. Meiling wouldn't kill her would she? No, surely she-she just can't be that heartless. "Takashi please I want to go home." Her voice broke.

Syaoran remained emotionless, he was a completely different man. There was no warmth there. No compassion on a human level, how could he be so cold? Even Eriol showed some remorse.

"I promise Meiling, I'll be better. I'll do anything, _anything_ just let her go I'm begging you." He cried and his voice broke unmanly.

Meiling raised her hand up, maybe a signal to let her go…

"Syaoran,"

Meiling's face looked almost remorseful. There was a glimmer of hope there. Maybe some human feeling. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she wasn't as heartless as I thought, maybe-

BANG!

I couldn't even scream with fright. My mouth snapped shut as Chiharu's small body slumped to the floor, newly dead to the world. I slammed into the wall with utter fright and horror. Chiharu lay eerily still. Syaoran backed away in small steps and stood like a guard seemingly dethatched from his actions.

At first, no one moved. We were statues on looking, saying nothing. My eyes shot to Takashi who looked stunned. His face turned white, bleached of any life. Then his knees, slowly began to buckle from under him. His face creased and then he lunged himself towards Chiharu almost animal like.

His hands clawed into her silk hair and his cry was so loud the hair on my arms stood up. His cry was muffled when he immersed his face into her scalp, cradling her head. Blood from Chiharu rubbed against his but he seemed oblivious to that. Though I barely knew him, my heart ached for him. His whole body began to silently shake as salty tears fell down his cheek and exposed his heartache.

Meiling sighed and rolled her eyes as if it were all a massive ordeal for her that left her exhausted. Eriol began to look away awkwardly not knowing what to do. I didn't know what shook me more, Takashi's turmoil, or Syaoran. Syaoran who could be so gentle when alone with me, Syaoran who was capable of showing compassion. This was far from the Syaoran I knew, this was someone else. This was Meiling's Syaoran.

His face bore absolutely no remorse, just a coldness that was not human. There was no resemblance between the Syaoran I knew and the Syaoran who stood before me with the blood splatter of an innocent girl across his face.

Meiling's heels came closer to Takashi and he rocked Chiharu's cold body in his arms and she looked down disappointedly as if expecting a manlier reacting on his part. Her eyes narrowed down at him and her mouth twisted at the sight of tragic love.

"Understand Takashi." Meiling said touching his shoulder wit her fingertips. "This hurts me as much as it hurts you. But it had to be done. She was your weakness, and now she's gone."

My stomach turned in disgust and horror when Meiling actually smiled when she said this, delighted at Takashi's loss and heart ache. My fists balled in anger. All fear of Meiling drained and left bitter hate. When Takashi looked up his face was destroyed in distraught.

Meiling sauntered over to the window with a satisfied smile. How sick can she be?

"You're all dismissed. Syaoran, take care of the body."

It wasn't until Eriol grabbed me by the arm and gave me a gentle push I would have stayed rooted to the ground. As we left I took one final glance back at Takashi and felt my heart sink for him and Chiharu's cold body, and Syaoran who remained stiff staring at the opposite wall, waiting for Meiling's next command.

X x x

Eriol and I walked silently side by side until we were at the end of the hall and out of Meiling's hearing. I whirled around in fury.

"Why would you show me that?" I whispered harshly.

I was confused and angry and it seemed Eriol was aiming for that.

"What did you hope to gain from it? Do you enjoy this? Do you?" I flared my arms out. My heart was beating so fast. I never imagined myself speaking to him like this. "Do you hate me that much?"

Through his eyes he glared as if angry that I didn't get it.

"Are you fucking stupid? Did you see what just happened? You don't think that's going to happen to you when you get caught!"

My heart stopped and I felt myself go completely pale. "What-what are you talking about-"

"Don't waste your time denying it! I know about you and Syaoran. And by the way Rika's talking I'm surprised everyone doesn't know."

"It's nothing." I said averting my eyes. "Nothing like that, not like Takashi and Chi-"

"You don't think Takashi thought that too?" He yelled and punched the wall. "You didn't think he wouldn't get caught? Well look at Chiharu now, that didn't end well did it?"

"Fine so your saying I'm going to end up like her is that it? I'll die!"

"No, no that would be the easy way out. No, in the case of Syaoran, killing you would be showing mercy. Because you're Nadeshiko's daughter, she'd make you suffer. Torture you maybe."

"Fine, let her torture me! What has it got to do with you? Why do you care so much about what happens to me?" My voice was getting harder to control. All over I shook still afraid of him.

"Because you really don't get it. You think you do, but you don't!"

"So Meiling gets jealous, that's her problem not mine!"

"It's everybody's problem!" He yelled not trying to control his voice. "Meiling is a psychopath." He said in a low voice and meaning every word of it. "You have no idea what she's like. If she finds out about you, we all suffer. First you, then Syaoran, then everyone else."

"She won't kill Syaoran, and she won't kill you because she needs you."

"She won't kill us, but she'll make us suffer because she's a sadistic and fucked up in the head," He was right up to my face trying to get the message through. "And if she finds out that I had any knowledge of it, she'll make me suffer through Tomoyo. At the end of the day, I don't give a fuck about you or Syaoran compared to Tomoyo and if she suffers because of you or Syaoran, that's where I step in."

I tried to form a comeback, and excuse but I found nothing. My brain was spinning. Before it was just myself and Syaoran I was worried about. But now, Tomoyo and Eriol were at risk? I though he must be exaggerating. Meiling couldn't be that sadistic, but then again, the way she handled Takashi and Chiharu…

"I know you won't end it just like Syaoran won't let it go. But now you see, you see what she is capable of, and you see what Syaoran will do for her. Is it worth it Sakura?"

I looked away fixing my eyes on the floor as if it would show me the answer. But it gave me nothing.

"It's not fair," I sulked. "Why can't I be happy? Why is it ok for you and Tomoyo but not for me? Why do you get to be happy?"

"Happy? You think I'm happy being in love with a woman I barely get to see? You think I have it easy knowing that one day I might not come home to her? That all these years we built together can amount up to nothing I die?"

"At least you get a chance!"

"All I have is hope which is the most you will get in Meiling's world."

For once I began to see that Eriol was not unleashing a tirade against me, but he was actually concerned about me, about Syaoran, his friend. But still, my brain knew this would all end badly, as much as I cared for Tomoyo, I didn't want it to end.

"So what do you want me to do?" I said meekly.

He stared at me through his glasses. "It's your choice, I just don't think it's fair to let you go into this without knowing the consequences."

I nodded understandingly.

He turned his heel and began to walk away knowing he hit a nerve. He stopped for a second and called over his shoulder.

"I'll protect Tomoyo with my life, and if Meiling orders me to kill you for Tomoyo, I will. If it ever had to happen, just know it's not personal."

I nodded. "Of course."

As he walked away I had a newfound fear and respect for him. Eriol truly loved Tomoyo, and how he got approval of Meiling I'll never know. For me, I'll never win her approval.

From behind me I sensed movement. I turned my head and there he was silently watching me, judging my reaction.

"Did you hear everything?" I asked becoming both afraid and annoyed at the same time.

He looked to the ground first then at me with a stern look that was intimidating.

"He's exaggerating. It's not that bad."

I wasn't convinced. I couldn't form words to express my reaction from his earlier action. So I just walked away. I was still angry at what he did to Takashi. I didn't care how much he hated or didn't care for Takashi, Takashi didn't deserve that.

"Sakura!" He said grabbing my arm and pulling my back.

"How could you have done that!" I shouted with my voice breaking. "You didn't even try and reason with her you just killed her and you know you could have stopped it!" I started to push away from him. I didn't like this Syaoran.

"That is me Sakura,"

"No it's not you were never that heartless Syaoran never!"

He clamped his hands onto my shoulders and did not permit me to move. "When I'm here Sakura this is my job."

"But you could have done something." I said loosing my nerve.

He took my hand roughly and stared me down. "Done what? Stop her, because that wouldn't make Meiling suspicious at all would it? When we're with Meiling, we carry on as normal. Nothing changes because of us here. This is who I've always been and always will be as long as I work for her. If anything you should have taken out a gun on Takashi too."

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"Meiling is your boss and you're supposed to protect her no matter what." His loyalty to Meiling was unbelievable.

I stood there trying to muster up words but I found none. He was right. He was like this long before I came along. I just never imagined a person could become so heartless and cold. Was I like that? Would I ever become what he is? I shuddered at the thought of it.

"What about what Eriol said?"

"He's exaggerating, he's always been too over protective of Tomoyo. Don't let him get to you." His hold on me became softer and more affectionate, like the Syaoran I always knew.

"Will Takashi be ok?" I asked meekly becoming more disinterested as his arm looped around my waist and stroked the small of me back.

"He'll be fine." He said dismissing Takashi's tragic loss. Syaoran didn't seem to care but was more interested in tugging my into the closet behind him. It was crazy how my mind completely switched when I was around him. I couldn't believe how he could switch himself off to Meiling's world and become everything I wanted him to be.

I giggled and looked up and down the hallway to make sure we were truly alone. His lips on mine erased any thought of Takashi briefly. Maybe I was too sensitive, it was still cruel what Meiling did, but if Syaoran said he'd be ok that he'd have to be wouldn't he?

Syaoran opened the closet door and smirking he winked at me. I smiled and as we descended into the room I heard a click. I whirled my head toward the hallway and saw that at the very end, Takashi emerged from it with his face gaunt and hollow. His white suit was stained with her blood.

Zombie-like, he walked foreword, dragging his feet as he did so.

Was it fair that Syaoran and I carry on while Takashi suffers? Probably not. But Syaoran and I…we weren't going to get caught, we would be careful. When Takashi disappeared out of sight, Syaoran tugged onto my hand and lured me into his embrace to momentarily forget the consequences of us.

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

"We didn't know." Fanran said. "We didn't know he would take it so badly. We never even asked him if he was ok, we just let him suffer in silence."

I heard Syaoran drum his fingers against the counter top. "What is his plan now though? Why is he still working for Meiling?"

"I can't figure it out." Fanran mused. "He has nothing to gain working for the woman who ordered Chiharu's execution. He's planning something though, I know it. I'm keeping a close eye on him though; he's not just going to let this all go."

"Well now that he seen me, he's going to want me dead isn't he?"

"I don't know." Fanran said in a small voice. "He's still suffering though, he never let it go. But he caused you a lot of suffering too Syaoran. Especially when it came to Sakura."

"I don't blame him, I pulled the trigger, I started it all." Syaoran sounded pissed off with himself.

"It's not your fault Syaoran! You did it only on Meiling's orders. What were you suppose to do? Any of us would have done the same at the time." Fanran said in a soothing tone that was protective. "He knew not to involve her but he did."

"You sound like Meiling." Syaoran said bitterly.

"Either way, I agree that something's going to happen. I guess we're just going to have to wait for now."

There was a nice silent atmosphere where they became nostalgic. I too, pondered on this event that would happen. What would be the consequences? What would happen to me….and Syaoran? There were many nights where I would sit and wonder what will happen in the future. Was this relationship between Syaoran and I destined to be short lived? What about Tomoyo, would we ever be reunited again? Maybe he'd prefer it if I left eventually…

"So, my little brother, the great Syaoran Li is a father." Fanran said with some humour as a more relaxed atmosphere settled in.

I held my breath anxiously awaiting what his reaction to the word 'father' would be. I imagined him denying it and becoming angry at the word. But instead, I heard a low but distinctive chuckle.

"I know," he said. "You can only imagine my reaction when I found out."

"It's uncanny how much she looks like Sakura though. She's a great kid Syaoran, considering she had a tough childhood without her parents."

"Yeah well, Tomoyo did most of that for us."

"I can't believe Sakura never told you though, it doesn't seem like something she would have done."

"Well then, you don't realise how much she hated me, and still probably does." I felt my heart sink at this.

"I doubt she gave up your child to get back at you."

"I don't know anymore. At first, I didn't want Rae, I honestly didn't but now…" He trailed off and I held my breath.

"But….?"

"But now, it's like the second chance with Sakura that I always wanted. She brings back everything I've repressed over the years. She's the only company I don't mind being with…she's…a good kid. But I don't know if I can be who she wants me to be."

"She's your kid." I could practically feel Fanran's smile become as broad as mine. "You've done a good job so far Syaoran. She idolises you, not as an assassin but as a father, something your not use to. It's probably natural to feel inadequate."

"I don't know," He said with hesitance which caused my smile to fade. "I don't want her to expect too much from me. I know I'll let her down…But I guess I've a purpose now and I _will_ protect her with my life, not like I did with Sakura."

"Syaoran, you're not the monster Meiling made you think you were. You're not that person and you never were. If you were, you would have turned Rae away."

"I almost did."

"But you didn't. You will protect her Syaoran because that's who you are."

"I didn't protect Sakura." He said in the saddest tone I've ever heard. "I don't even know if she's alive anymore."

"This is your chance Syaoran. Forget all that's happened. You have a daughter now, one who's not messed up like we were, and that's a miracle."

"Yeah…I just…I just want…." He seemed unable to finish his sentence.

"You just want her to be happy." Fanran said with certainty. "I guess all daddy's want that for their daughter's."

I felt my heart swell, I thought I was going to cry of happiness on that spot. The feeling of acceptance, of his approval and…his love…was possibly the best feeling in the world.

"Yeah, I guess I do…" He said and I could tell that he was softly smiling.

Slipping into the sheets and into unconsciousness I wrapped my fingers around my mother's chain, running my fingers over the _S.K.103_ and I wondered if somewhere in the wide world, she was feeling the same way about me as Syaoran…

x

**Hope ye enjoyed :)**

**R&R!**


	13. Sacrifices

**Chapter 13! **

**Thanks for all the reviews they were encouraging! **

**Great to be back and not worry about studying anymore! :D Thanks for all the reviews too! **

**Anyway, updated as soon as I could! **

**WARNING!...this chapter is lemony but not too much! Just warning you if you don't like anything like that then I'd skip the first part!**

** x x x**

**Sakura's POV: 17 years ago**

We burst into the apartment with one thing on our minds.

I didn't even take in the surroundings of his apartment as our bodies lusted over each other. Body pressed against body, his hand knotting in my hair, the taste of his lips driving me into wanting more. My legs wrapped themselves tightly around his waist and my hands looped around his neck pulling quite dangerously at the nape of his neck. His hands ran down the small of my back and with me in his arms he stumbled forward trying to navigate his way towards what I assumed was his room.

In the heat of passion he slammed me against a door seemingly oblivious to any pain I might endure. Small moans escaped his mouth as he began a grinding motion against me that was more lustful than rough. His lips would not part mine and with one hand he tried to open the door. I fell out of his arms and stood facing him.

I could see it in his eyes that his feeling reflected mine. We wanted each other, here, now. My heart raced at my inexperience with this situation but at the same time I wanted it now so bad. His brown hair was dishevelled, wild and animal like and his amber eyes blazed as we stood breathing heavy taking in each other.

We mutually decided that our clothes were a barrier that needed to be removed. In one step he marched foreword to pick me up roughly and in one quick swipe my top was taken off to fall somewhere on the floor. Deciding I couldn't contain myself, I abandoned my innocent persona and tugged restlessly at his shirt until I felt his warm skin pressed against me, burning me. I ran a hand across toned abs and lolled my head back as he trailed kisses down my neck. I never felt this way about anyone before. Yes, it was lust, and I knew what was going to happen, but I wanted him.

His heavy breathing made me moan as his hand battled with the zipper of my jeans. I too worked at his belt buckle almost frustrated at the obstacles we were encountering. I was wedged between him and the walls our tongues dulled, his taste teasing me. His jeans fell to the ground and mine slipped off my waist to join them. He pressed all of him against me and that's when I blushed. I felt _him_, and I didn't know how to react.

He seemed oblivious to my sudden nervousness around him. His finger played with the lace of my pants and I moaned and bit my lip. The embarrassment on my part yet the craving for more was messing with my head. I never even noticed my bra becoming unhooked and slip between our bodies.

I became nervous being almost exposed to this God-like person. I loved the heat that radiated of his body. He began to whisper my name so low into my ear I thought I was imagining it.

Then swiftly, he took me from the wall and dropped my onto the cool covers of the bed. Within a split second he was on top of me. I loved this feeling. It was perfectly clear that we were both aroused. His kisses trailed from my lips, to my neck to my small breast. My breathing increased as he explored my body. My hands played with his hair as I stared at the ceiling with my heart racing.

Oh God…I might have sex with Syaoran. Oh God….Am I ready for this?

Suddenly my motions became more hesitant and lost its natural flow. Never in my life have I been this way with a

guy, never so intimate. I only ever kissed one boy and that itself made me blush at the time. And here I was almost naked in front of Syaoran Li. Panic seeped in. I was never told what to do in this situation. My mother was never present to have the talk about the birds and the bees with me, and my father and brother obviously were no help. I

was completely on my own with this one. What if I do it wrong? What if he wants me to do something for him? I don't know what to do! And obviously he has more experience than me, a former high school student.

His hips buckled against me, pressing me against the sheets over and over again. The thin clothing of our pants was the only thing stopping us now. Then his fingers ventured inwards to enter me. My eyes squeezed shut and my mouth opened but the sound came two seconds later. A loud moan escaped my throat. At first, it was a painful and unusual feeling. He was so gentle that eventually, it became….nice. Then…better than nice.

His fingers moved with a slow flow and before I knew it my hips buckled towards them. It felt so…good.

"Syaoran…" I moaned which made him move faster, making me crazy.

It became intense and rough. With his other hand he removed my pants until I was fully exposed to him. It was curiosity that gave me a backbone to react for him. My hand slithered down between my body and his chest and crept into the shielding of his boxers. My hands shook terrified and when I put my hand on it my face flushed hot red.

Syaoran groaned at my touch, happy that I made the move. I started to do what I guessed what was right from overhearing conversations from high school boys. I moved my hand up and down in a slow tempo.

Syaoran began to say my name louder this time and kissed me so roughly. We took a faster pace with each other until my body got a mind of its own. My feet reached up to his hip and my toe hooked into his boxers and tugged them down.

"Oh Sakura… yes….ah yes..." He moaned at my strokes and bit my lip as he kissed me.

"Syaoran…mmmm…"

This was it. I was so turned on at that moment. The two of us were stark naked and I became unashamed of it.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to." He asked which I assumed must have taken a lot of restraint.

I nodded. The fact he even asked me to see if I were comfortable with it reinforced my tendencies.

"I want to." I said placing my hand on the back of his neck and looking into his beautiful eyes. He nodded and gave me the softest kiss to ensure that he cared about me.

He lowered himself towards me. This was it, I would loose my virginity to him, to Syaoran Li. He was at my entrance now and my fingers pressed themselves into his back in anticipation. My face was against the crook of his neck and I inhaled his skin. I was ready…I wanted this….

_Ring ring…ring ring…_

Both our heads swirled toward the sound of the noise. Syaoran's trousers, which lay amongst the rest of our clothes lit up with the light of his cell phone. We both froze in our position, not moving. Then after another three rings he started to recede from me and sat up.

"What are you doing?" I said sounding needy.

His face was flustered; the atmosphere was beginning to fade. Syaoran wiped his face with his hands and with a saddened face he looked towards me.

"Just let me see who it is." He said and retrieved his phone.

I shot into an upright position with my mouth agape. I couldn't believe he just did that. Suddenly ashamed I covered myself with the sheets, almost mummifying myself with them. Syaoran looked at the caller ID and sighed with his head in his hand. He bit his lip and gave me a look that said sorry.

"It's her isn't it?" I said bitterly and full of frustration. My grip tightened around the sheets.

"Let me see what she wants. It's probably nothing." He said and hit the answer button.

Her voice pierced through the room and immediately killed the atmosphere established a while ago.

"I was asleep." Syaoran said answering her question. "Right now? For what?" He questioned.

Her voice screamed down the phone and Syaoran had to take the phone away from his ear to avoid deafness.

"Yeah I got it." He said trying to control his anger. "I'll leave now."

I felt my heart sink. He hung up and threw his phone away from him.

"You're going to her aren't you?" I said trying to hide my disappointment by keeping my eyes fixed onto the sheets. I suddenly felt second best.

"It's probably nothing, honestly. Just paper work or maybe filling in a shift for Eriol."

"At two in the morning?" I asked with my voice wavering. "What could she want?" I said sarcastically but my voice gave away my theory.

"You honestly think I'll have sex with her?" He said sounding hurt.

I became angry with him. The thoughts of him and Meiling…it drove me crazy. That he would leave me to be with her, no matter what she wanted crushed.

"Look, I shouldn't be there long. Just wait here till I get back ok?" He said suddenly putting on his clothes. I felt so cold now seeing him leave. I wanted to conceal my anger but failed.

"Fine." I said looking at him not believing how much the atmosphere changed in a minute.

"I'm sorry. Nothing's going to happen." He said tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Sure." I managed to say biting my lips. What could I say? Don't go to her? Stay with me?

No, it was Meiling…and Syaoran was loyal to her, but it was ironically to secure our safety. I wanted to be angry with him to let him know I was not ok with this. But it was his job.

"I'll be back, don't leave ok?" His eyes pleaded with me. I couldn't say no to him.

"I'll stay." I promised.

I felt so alone when he left. I cradled my knees against my chest and took in my surroundings for the first time. His room was simple and sparse of furniture. The double bed lay beside a large window in which all of Tomoeda was visible. He had a desk probably used for paperwork and a wardrobe that most likely consisted of black and grey clothes.

I flopped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. I wonder if he ever lay on this bed thinking about me, wondering where I was, or maybe I never passed his mind at all. Either way, I didn't know what would happen between us. All I knew was that my feelings for him went beyond just liking him. It was more than that and that's what made it so hard to see him leave me for her.

What if he was doing to her what he was doing to me? What if he's whispering sweet nothings into her ear? What if I'm being a stupid naïve girl believing that he cared about me? What if Rika was right?

I waited…and waited…

Twenty minutes turned into an hour, an hour became two until I couldn't resist sleep.

X x x

I woke again at five o'clock in the morning and still I was alone. Naked under the sheets I listened for any sound of life but found there was none.

I sighed loudly. He never came back. I stumbled ungracefully onto the floor to sort my clothes from his. Pulling on my jeans when I heard a small thud and behind me the door opened. He looked so tired, not like the man who left me three hours ago. I avoided looking at him as I threw on my top and proceeded with my shoes.

"You took your time." I stated.

He looked down and then met my eyes. "I needed to take care of something." He said and ran a hand through his wild hair. He looked guilty.

"I'm sure you had." I said bitterly and walked by him.

His hand caught my shoulder and stopped me from going any further.

In a tired and weary voice he said. "I didn't sleep with her Sakura."

"Then what were you doing?" I asked sceptically.

He stared at me, saying nothing. "It's complicated."

"So complicated that you can't tell me?" I said getting slightly upset at him. What couldn't he tell me? If he truly didn't sleep with her, then what was he doing with her?

"Sakura, please can we talk about this another time?" He pleaded. His eyes drooped, he looked so tired.

"Fine." I said briefly.

"Sakura." He said cupping my face and forcing me to look at him. "Don't be mad, I swear, nothing happened between me and her."

"I believe you." I said sighing. "I just…don't like being here not knowing what you're doing."

"I know." He said understandingly. "But I'll talked to her about your brother, to help you look for him."

"You will?" I said with some optimism in my voice.

"Yeah, she'll talk about it with you later in the week."

"Thank you." I said leaning into his chest and wrapping my arms around him. His embrace redeemed my feelings for him. His head rested in my scalp, inhaling me. Tonight was a spontaneous and probably ill-thought out. It felt so right at the time but thinking back on it now…it was probably too fast was it?

"I better go." I whispered.

I slipped away from him quickly and left the apartment, leaving him lonely to himself.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: That same night**

_Ring ring…ring ring…_

Our heads shot towards my phone.

I groaned inside and had a terrifying suspicion that I knew who was calling me at this time at night.

"What are you doing?" She asked covering herself with a look of shock on her face. God she looked sexy right now, which made this harder to do.

"Just let me see who it is. It's probably nothing." I said knowing exactly it was Meiling.

I fumbled through our clothes to locate my phone. The caller ID sent a chill through my spine. Meiling.

"What took you so long to answer?" She hissed down the phone sounding more irritable than ever.

"I was asleep." I said through my teeth.

"I want you over here now." She demanded which got my blood boiling.

"Right now? For what?"

"Because I fucking said now that's why!" She roared down the phone. She sounded different this time, like there was something wrong. I knew that tone and what it meant. For that reason, I agreed to go see her.

After convincing Sakura to stay I departed leaving her alone. I honestly didn't want to leave her. She looked so hurt that if I actually do have a heart it would have broken.

X x x

Her mansion was eerily silent.

I kept my wits about me as I ventured further into her home. Something was off. I called her name but there was no reply. When I reached the living room there was a moment of panic. Her normally well kept furniture was thrown and tossed about the room. Glass shard littered the room and picture frames lay askew from there former position.

There was a purple midnight glow and one curtain remained closed. I heard some noise from behind the couch. Stepping cautiously towards the noise I placed my hand on my gun.

"Someone there?" A woman's voice called.

Rosalina, Meiling's personal maid was bent over sharp pieces of glass delicately picking each shard up. When she noticed me she froze, she always had a certain fear of me. She looked distressed for other reasons though. Her hands shook as she worked.

"What happened?" I asked her sternly and she twisted her mouth upwards and bit her lip as if not wanting to tell.

"Ms Meiling…she…she not well. She in room, talk to nobody." She said with her little Japanese and continued to clean in silence. "She take pills, lots of them. Then she came out of room and screamed like mad woman. She shout at me and throw furniture around. I don't know what to do so I wait until she calm down. She went back to room and I don't see her again."

Meiling's door was slightly ajar.

Inside it there was no sign of life. Rosalina continued to work avoiding my discomfort.

I walked foreword and tipped the door with my fingertips. Inside there was total darkness. The window was open as her thin curtain sheets fluttered up and down slowly with the night breeze. Everything in her room was a complete mess. All the clothes from her wardrobe were flung and scattered across the floor. Her mirror's were cracked and were unable to reflect a clear image. Flower pots were broken and the contents of everything in her drawers were emptied in what I assumed was in utter anger.

I almost didn't notice her sitting on the silk sheets of her bed. Her posture was crippled and her black hair was a tangled curtain that sat unevenly around her shoulders.

Cautiously, as if circling an unstable creature, I crept closer to her. I've seen her like this many times. But after last time, I thought that would be it. I saw her side profile as I sat down very softly beside her with a few inches between us. She never moved and she gave me no indicator that my presence was acknowledged.

Her face was paler than before. Her mascara was wiped all down her cheek and deep purple circles hung from her eyes. She was wearing a white silk nightdress with a black Japanese pattern. It didn't bother her that it hung off one of her shoulders and revealed her collar bone jutting from her body. Her lips were slightly parted as she gawked out the window.

The most striking thing was her hands. Her palms were facing upwards. They were cut with shards of glass. The blood dripped onto her nightdress making her look like a victim of murder. It looked so painful but she didn't flinch.

I got the first aid kit where it always was and took her hands carefully into mine to bandage them up. She didn't move as I did so. She just seemed so wrapped up in her own thoughts of turmoil to acknowledge me.

She looked worse than last time.

"Meiling?" I said ever so carefully placing my hand on her shoulder.

She moved her head slightly towards me but keeping her eyes on the window.

"Meiling, what happened?" I asked trying to keep a calm tone as not to upset her. "Tell me." My tone became soothing, something I rarely did with Meiling.

Meiling seemed not to hear me at first, and then her lips parted, hesitated before speaking.

"She was here." She said now looking at the window.

"Who was here Meiling?" I asked getting sick of this.

"Nadeshiko…she was here. She's angry at me. She hates me for what I did. She'll never let it go. She'll make me suffer Syaoran." Her hands formed fists despite the pain it would cost and then to her heart as if a wave of terror crashed upon her head. He hands trembled and fluttered to her mouth.

I locked my jaw. Nadeshiko… a name I haven't heard in a while. Sakura's mother, a person who had and always will have my upmost respect as my former trained, and as a friend.

"Meiling, Nadeshiko's dead, remember? She's not coming back for you."

"She is. I'm scared Syaoran. She was right there." She said pointing a finger to the open window. "She was angry…so angry with me." Her voice broke.

She threw her head into my chest and looped her arms tightly around me waist. "She'll never forgive me."

"Relax." I said rubbing her back. I didn't want to comfort her. But I couldn't leave her. From the corner of my eye I saw and empty bottle of pills sitting on the dresser. Some pills were scattered around the floor like little white time bombs. The amount of pills she took explains her hallucinations.

"Try and sleep Meiling." I said easing her down onto the bed.

Even her lips were white as she grabbed my jacket with her small bandaged hand and whispered, "Stay with me." She said in a small voice but I knew it was a command.

Again, my jaw locked and my thoughts flew to Sakura who was waiting for me. Meiling's glassy eyes stared at me until I lay down beside her. Her hand clutched my shirt as if petrified I would leave any second.

"I don't want to do this anymore Syaoran. I don't want Li… My whole family's gone, I'm so alone." She sobbed which was ironic considering she killed off her father, the last of her family. "I can't do it anymore…"

"It's ok Meiling. You'll feel different in the morning." I said trying to comfort her when at the same time I wanted to be with someone else. "You're not alone Meiling. You have us. You're a great leader. Li wouldn't be nothing without you." I said monotone, reciting what I told her in times like this. I was like a broken record with this situation, whispering all the things he wanted to hear.

"Don't leave me Syaoran. I can't do this on my own." She stuttered as a tears rolled down her cheek. "They'll all turn against me, all of them…they hate me. They're conspiring against me."

"No they're not Meiling. They respect you. Nobody's trying to kill you."

She remained silent as her uneven breathing served as the only sound in the room. "Stay here." She mumbled drowsily, the drugs probably kicking in.

This was the rare side to Meiling that only I saw. Her moments of weakness were only shown to me. I had to be here, she was unstable…I gave her stability. But she was an excellent leader, she couldn't break now. We needed to stay strong or else the other gangs would move in and destroy us.

"I won't leave." I whispered feeling the pang of guilt knowing that Sakura was expecting me.

For now, this was my job. Meiling had no children to pass on the Li organization to. We needed her to live long enough to decide on an heir.

I looked down on her black scalp. Her breathing stabilized as she began to drift in and out of consciousness. I sighed loudly.

We may not like her; she may be a tyrant and subject us to her dictatorship. Some will jeer at her behind her back; some may fantasize about killing her, but at the end of the day…she was a girl running a huge organization. But at the same time, she brought it onto herself. She initiated the murder of her father, not anyone else.

I had pity for her in times like these. In her troubled state, but the things she makes me do, I'll never forgive her. It's because of her, I will carry this secret and always feel guilt when I'm with Sakura, but I'll never tell her.

She did not fall into complete unconsciousness until nearly three hours later. I slipped away from her and closed her door knowing that in the morning, neither of us will speak of what was said tonight ever.

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 17 Years Ago**

"You're making me nervous." Tomoyo said sipping her tea and eyeing my pacing. "What's wrong?"

Nothing I mumbled into the cold night air. I couldn't help but to be on edge. No word about my brother passed Meiling's lips since Syaoran talked to her three days ago.

I hate that woman.

I paced across Tomoyo's porch not knowing what to do.

"Why don't you sit down?" Tomoyo suggested patting the seat beside her.

I did so only to calm her nerves. She pushed my cup towards me and relaxed further into the seat. Her black hair was in a neat bun on top of her head.

"So where's Eriol tonight?" I asked her to take my mind of Syaoran.

"Oh probably on another mission." She said slightly sighing.

"How can you stay so calm knowing he's out there?" I asked sinking into the chair and looking up into the night sky.

Tomoyo pondered for a moment and ran her finger along the rim of the coffee cup. She was dressed casually in jeans and a knitted sweater.

In a dream like state she said. "I don't know. I get use to it I guess."

"It must be hard." I said looking at her with sorrow.

You wouldn't think it, But Tomoyo is one of the most vital aspects of Li. Yes Meiling had her doctors and nurses working privately under her, but none were like Tomoyo. Tomoyo had a healing touch like no other and that's why we always went to her. She was so good to do all that she did in return with nothing but our thanks and security.

"It is… sometimes he doesn't come back for days. And he can't call when he does so all I can do is wait for him and hope he comes back." She sounded emotional.

I don't know how she does it.

"Why do you do it then?" I asked.

"Because…I love him. And we both have to make sacrifices. And if waiting is what I have to do…it's what I'll do. This isn't forever. One day he'll break away from Meiling, and we'll be normal. Maybe." She said twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

"Do you really believe that?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Do you think Meiling will let him go?"

"I don't know, but I'd like to think so." She said closing her eyes. "I'm sure that's what you like to think about when it comes to Syaoran."

My stomach dropped as she said that and I nearly lost my grip on the cup in my hand.

"How do you…"

"Eriol talks." She said smiling. "I think it's a good thing, despite what Eriol says. Syaoran needs someone like you. I've never seen him genuinely happy before, maybe you'll change that."

"I doubt that." I scoffed. "Not with Meiling around anyway."

"Is that why you're in a sour mood? Because of her?" Tomoyo commented knowing right well that was why.

"I guess so." I pouted. "At least you have Eriol to yourself. Apart from him leaving every so often, it must be nice being with him, having everything you need right here."

"I wish…" She said in a tone that surprised me.

"What do you mean?" I asked knitting my eyes together. "You're not happy?"

"No, I'm happy. Honestly I am. It's just….we've to make sacrifices." They way she said it gave away some inner pain she was closing off to me. She looked down at her cup and swirled the liquid around with her spoon.

"What sacrifices?" I asked curious.

She hesitated for a bit, biting her lip and concentrating on the few stars in the sky. Then she laughed nervously and stretched her arms out.

"Oh…it's nothing you and Syaoran will ever have to worry about." She said winking at me suggesting Syaoran and I would be together for a long time. "It's just…being with someone in this kind of business is difficult. There's a lot of things you have to give up."

"Tomoyo, that night when I came here, when I got shot…was everything ok?" I said referring to the night Syaoran took me here. She seemed different that night, there was no doubt she was upset. It might have been personal, maybe I should stay out of it.

At first she hesitated. A dark shadow cast across my eyes and she shuffled in her spot.

Just then we heard the front door open and close followed by footsteps. We looked at each other with tight lips which indicated an end to the conversation. I stood up and looked back at her for a second and mouthed 'You ok?'

She smiled softly and nodded. I winked at her and left passing Eriol for a split second before I left. I guess the relationship between Eriol and Tomoyo would always be a complicated and cherished one. I wonder what happened between them that caused her to become so upset….

X x x

**Tomoyo's POV: 17 Years ago**

Like the minx I was, I rolled around naked under the sheets, teasing him.

He smirked and hesitated to leave me. He slipped out of the sheets and pulled on his boxers. His toned chest and back made me sigh at how lucky I was that someone as dreamy as him would love me. I was still tired from sex and he stood six foot tall beside me.

"Where are you going?" I said lying on my stomach and resting my head on my hands biting my lip in attempt to tree him back to me. "Stay here." I purred rubbing the space beside me.

He beamed a wide smile that would be rare to anyone else and slumped back down to kiss my nose. I put my hand through his thick black hair loving how it felt like silk against my hand.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said kissing me softly on my lips. "You're quite needy tonight." He said with the small dimples in his cheeks showing with his brilliant smile.

"I haven't seen you in so long." I pouted and stroked his cheek with my finger.

After another few minutes of fluff and teasing he left to freshen up in my ensuite bathroom. I heard him rustling around. I lay on my back barely covered by the bed sheets. I loved nights like these. Though he only stayed with me so many nights, they meant everything to me.

The contrast between him with me and him with the outside world was startling.

"Tomoyo." He said in stern voice that chilled my spine.

I bolted upright with my heart thumping. He almost never spoke to me like that before. Something was very wrong. His tone was harsh and I just knew something was wrong. I covered myself with the sheets and shot my head towards the bathroom.

"Y-yes?" I said with my voice stumbling.

He emerged from the bathroom with a stony look completely consuming his face. I felt so small under his stare that I actually got goosebumps.

"What's wrong Eriol?" I asked biting my lip in anticipation.

He said nothing and slowly held up a white stick no longer than a few centimetres.

I felt my face drain of colour and my heart thumped so hard I could feel it in my ears. I clutched the blankets tighter. Oh no….please no…

Damn it why do I have to be so damn stupid and forgetful at times!

"I-its not what it looks like Eriol, I can explain." I said throwing on a silk nightdress.

"What the fuck is it then Tomoyo?" He shouted in a sudden burst of anger and throwing the pregnancy test on the floor.

"I-I was just making sure, honestly. It's negative anyway!" I said with my hands fluttering towards my pulsating heart. I wanted to shrivel into the wall at that stage.

"Why were taking a damn pregnancy test anyway! You're on the pill aren't you?" I saw him mould into his work persona which frightened me. Talk about bringing your work home with you.

"Yes,"

"Then what is this?" He grabbed my hand and tugged my towards his to practically shove the test into my face. The muscled in his arm flexed and rage.

"You're hurting me." I whimpered but did not even dare try and break from him. He was so much bigger than me that to resist him would prove futile.

"What is wrong with you? Why don't you get it? We CANNOT have a baby Tomoyo and you can't try to trick me into having one with you again!" He shouted hitting a sore wound.

"It's not like that Eriol! I wasn't tricking you I swear I just…you came home early one night and we had sex and…and I didn't take the pill and I just…I wanted to be sure. You know I wouldn't trick you like last time. You know that!" My eyes were stinging with the turmoil he was putting me through. He was even madder than last time.

I hated him talking to me like this! Never had I been so frightened of a person.

"Sometimes I don't know what to think when it comes to you Tomoyo! Don't you fucking know what will happen if you get pregnant? You don't think it's going to be used against you? Damn it!" He shouted and punched the wall. "Do you ever listen to me? Do any of you ever listen to me? How stupid are you? Do you know what I do for you-"

"Yes Eriol I KNOW!" I roared loud enough to silence him. "I know! you don't think I know what I have to give up to be with you! I do ok! I threw away my life for you! I put myself in danger every day for you! Nobody else! Do you think it's easy for me? DO YOU! Do you think I just do whatever I want until you come home? No! I spend every waking second praying that you'll come home. Every time the doorbell rings I think it's going to be Syaoran telling me you've got murdered! You think you're the only one of us caught up in this world well you're not. If something happened to you Eriol what's going to happen to me? My parents have almost disowned me for being with you. I'll have no one! I can't even have children with you in case someone wants to kill them to get back at Li! You don't think I've sacrificed things too? Well I have!" My voice went rasp.

All the pent up frustration I had was unleashing itself. I couldn't bottle it up anymore. I've given up so much for him…I've sacrificed a normal life for him.

"Tomoyo you know it won't always be like this." He said trying to calm me down with false hope that this was not forever.

"It's never going to change Eriol! You will always be a slave to Meiling!" I screamed with my voice breaking and a flow of tears dripping down my face. "You will always think of her before me. We'll never be together properly, it's not fair. Do you even know how much I suffer when you leave me?" My hands were balled into fists just thinking of Meiling.

"Tomoyo-"

"No fuck you Eriol! Fuck you!" I said cursing for the first time in my life. Never in my life have I been this outraged. Never had my blood boiled so much. "How dare you think I'd do that again when I know how mad it made you! I would never trick you like that again so don't you ever accuse me of that again!"

"Tomoyo I'm just concerned for you." He said with some anger still brewing in his voice. Neither of us were going to back down completely.

"Well you can be concerned for me somewhere else. Get out!" I screamed pointing at the door. My heart raced, I've never spoken to him like that before, I never in my life imagined I'd have to.

"You're not seeing sense Tomoyo listen to me!"

"No Eriol. Get out! I don't want to see you, GET OUT!" I roared and turned my back to him.

He didn't even fight with me this time. Instead he grabbed his jacket and stormed out. Outside the wind howled and rain threatened to come. When he slammed the front door my legs gave way and my body collapsed onto the bed.

That was the second fight we've had in the past five months. I understood the origins of his anger. I did try to _trick_ him into getting me pregnant. It was a difficult time for me and I was so… lonely. It wasn't necessarily tricking him. It was meant to be more of a surprise. At the time I didn't realise his views on children. It wasn't that he didn't want them, it was that in the world we were involved in…children just could not be an issue. I was young I know…but I truly believed I was born to be a mother.

If I were to get pregnant, I'd have to live far away where nobody could harm us, and I could never see Eriol again. I was not willing to do that.

But those were the sacrifices I had to deal with in order to be with him.

My chest was heavy and I barely had time to start crying before my phone rang.

"Tomoyo, it's Syaoran, Sakura's been shot we're coming to you." Syaoran said urgently.

I sighed as I hung up…the show must go on I guess…

X x x

"Go to bed Tomoyo, I'll be fine." Sakura said.

Sleepy eyed I nodded and left her to Syaoran. The two seemed to be off with each other but I knew it was because Syaoran had feelings for her that his icy heart had yet to recognise…so Eriol tells me.

About two hours passed and I could not sleep. I sat up on my bed staring out onto the bleak night. My door creaked open and I knew he was there. He stood at the doorframe as if waiting for permission to enter.

"Who told you to come back?" I said trying to sound bitter but it came out neutral.

"Tomoyo…I'm sorry." He said sounding tired of fighting with me. It was something we weren't use to.

"Yeah well you should be." My voice completely broke. Then tears brimmed at my eyes. I tried to blink them back but there were too many. I broke down before him.

"Don't cry Tomoyo." He said rushing over to me and cradling me into his chest without permission. "I'm so sorry… you know I didn't mean any of it." He rocked me back and forth until I calmed down.

"The things you said were horrible." I whimpered.

"I know…I know…I don't mean them Tomoyo. You know how I get. I'm just…stressed." He kissed the top of my forehead as if to erase the awful events of tonight.

"I want it to be different…I want us to be normal." I said meekly into his chest.

"You know if you're not happy Tomoyo, just say the word, and I'll leave. You deserve so much more than what I give you."

"No…it's not you Eriol…it's everyone else. I want to be with you, but Meiling will never let you go…I'm so lonely here…so lonely. I hate it." I sobbed. It was true. Apart from when I was with him, I hated living here under my parent strict supervision with their minimal contact. I was probably the loneliest girl in all of Tomoeda.

"One day Tomoyo…I promise one day you'll be away from this. Away from Tomoeda, away from Meiling…it'll just be us. I will give you a family. I know you want children Tomoyo but I can't give it to you right now." His tone was full of regret and remorse. I knew he wanted to give me the world, but was confined to what we had for the moment.

"I know you will. I wasn't tricking you Eriol, I swear I wasn't. I just want a child with you so bad. I want us to be normal." His grip around me tightened and he kissed my forehead repeatedly.

My mother says we are too young to be so madly in love. As a young adult, I should be in college, exploring the world and living the life of the youth. But I didn't want any of that. I just wanted to be with him. It maybe the silly fantasy of a naïve girl but I knew it was what I wanted. I could easily close my eyes and picture us being married, children…but that's all I could do for now, imagine.

"I know." He whispered into my ear.

"Our child, someone who actually depends on me…someone who will always think of me as a mother…someone who'll feel so lonely without me…"

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present day**

The rain tapped against the glass from clouds that were black in colour.

My fingertips pressed against the glass to feel its coldness.

Though I was looking out onto a city that bustled with traffic and people, I felt like I was looking out onto the valley, onto green hills sparse of life and quiet far off misty mountains. Everything reminded me of Aunt Tomoyo and the life I had. Homesickness was hitting me hard. I saw her warming smile in every surface and my grey hoodie, though impossible, smelled like the soap she use to use.

I felt my chest tighten and my eyes swell. In this city that was so big, I felt claustrophobic, almost like I didn't belong here. My whole life I wanted to see the city and I resented Tomoyo's over protection of me. But now, never had I felt like I didn't belong.

Tomoyo was like a mother to me no matted how much she denied it or thought herself differently. I felt so lonely without her. My real mother will have to be something special to beat Tomoyo.

I pressed my whole hand against the window and breathed out.

I feel like such a nobody, caught in a world Tomoyo tried to keep me away from. It was like I had no…identity.

I was Rae…just Rae…

The door behind my opened and closed. Syaoran came in wet from the now heavy rain. He threw his coat onto the chair and ran a hand through his dripping hair. I kept my eyes fixed onto the window, catching his reflection every now and again.

"There going to be lightning to night so don't be surprised if the power cuts out- Rae?" He said noticing my quietness. "What's wrong?" He asked knitting his eyebrows together. "You're quiet for once."

"Nothing." I answered but my meek voice gave away my lie.

A look of concern consumed his face and I looked to the ground not wanting him to see my face. My face became wet with tears and I bit my lip not knowing what to say.

Syaoran shuffled on the spot clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I furiously wiped a tear with my sleeve and tried to keep it together. Why can't I be like him? Why can't I be tough like Tomoyo wanted me to be?

I felt him walk up behind me.

"I guess I've just been thinking a lot about Tomoyo is all." I said trying to sound tough, trying to take on the persona of him.

He said nothing but stood behind me with pity in his eyes.

"Rae…" He said not knowing what words of comfort to say.

It was enough to make me break down. My hands flew to my face as a flood of tears brimmed down my face. I thought I imagined it but I felt his had touch my shoulder. My whole body trembled with emotion. Then slowly, he turned me around by my shoulders to face him.

"It's ok to miss her." He said understandingly which sent me over the edge.

I didn't care how he would react, I took a step forward to wrap my arms around him tightly. His body almost went into shock with my action. His arms held in mid air not knowing how to react. I cried harder than I did when I left Tomoyo. This moment might have dire consequences for our relationship but right now…I wanted a hug from somebody…anybody.

Finally, a second later his arms fell onto my back and though I knew someone like him would not be use to it. You wouldn't think it, but he was a warm person and probably unknowing to him, he had a soothing aura.

"It's ok." He said calmingly and patted my back softly.

His kindness was the first I received in such a long time. I never felt so vulnerable.

"I just miss her so much." I whimpered unable to contain my homesickness. "Do you think she's ok?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, he simply started to rock me very subtly side to side in a way that was…fatherly.

"I'm sure she's just. She always knew how to survive. I'm sure wherever she is, she's thinking about you."

For a man who claims he was not in touch with his emotions, he could say just the right things. I liked this bond between us. Our relationship was growing stronger with each passing day.

"What made you homesick all of a sudden?" He asked.

"I've been here exactly a month now…It got me thinking." I said sniffing. "I just want to know if she's ok or even, alive."

He didn't answer. He knew better than to say yes in case the worst happened.

"Do you think I'll see her again?" I asked pulling away from him and wiping a tear.

He twisted his mouth up and thought. He cocked his head to the side and rested his hands on his head.

"I don't know Rae…I honestly don't."

I nodded understanding that what he said might be true, I might never see Tomoyo again.

We both stared out of the window at the rain and clouds which persisted in casting darkness over the city. We were so small, Syaoran and I compared to the thousands of people who roamed the streets.

He tucked a loose strand of my brown hair behind my ear and said. "You look like your mother when you cry. I never knew what to say to her when she was upset because usually I was the reason for it." He had a small smile on his face as he said as if it was more of a pleasant memory.

"What happened between you two? You seemed to have been so happy yet…you don't like to talk about her."

A dark shadow crossed his face. He crossed his arms and stood forward beside me to look out the window.

"I was happy with her…but I messed it up. If she is still alive, I'm the last person she'll want to see." He sighed which was heartbreaking. Syaoran harboured more pain than he let on. He was a brave man for going on without her. Even if he did resort to drink before I came.

Maybe he was trying to be strong for me…

"What did you do to her?" I whispered watching the rain fall.

"I'll tell you another time. Just not tonight." I nodded and leaned my head against his arm. He slung his arm across my shoulder to signal that our friendship had grown stronger and not weakened. My father…he was my hero.

"Do you miss her?" I asked pressing my cheek against his t-shirt.

He sighed and patted my head softly. "Every single day…"

**x x x**

**Hoped you liked it!**

**There's going to be a lot more Rika/Sakura clashes in the next chapter! **

**Also More Sakura/Syaoran. I'm not a huge lemon writer as I said before so the beginning of the chapter was strange for me :L**

**Anyways let me know what you thought and I might update quicker ;)**

**Enjoy R&R!**


	14. The Beginning of a downfall

**Chapter 14!**

**Again this was originally a one long chapter but I split 14 and 15 into two!**

**Enjoy!**

**x x x**

**Rae's POV: Present day**

At first, the hustle and bustle of the town was claustrophobic-like.

So many faces past mine, their bodies shoving me harshly and ignorant to my small size. The sun was harsh in it's strength and the sky was a clear blue as it was when I first came to Tomoeda.

The streets were unforgiving with the number of people but as soon as I slipped into a side street I felt I could breath again. I was in a quieter section of Tomoeda that strayed away form the business district. Here, on the outskirts, senior citizens and a calmer lifestyle was dominant. Crime was not as high here as it was in other parts of the city. That's why Syaoran gave me the ok to go here.

Though a trip to the shopping market is not particularly exciting, for me it was. It was the first time Syaoran let me leave the house by myself. My mission was simple…buy groceries and return them to the apartment within an hour.

He seemed anxious to let me leave, going over and over about the horrors in Tomoeda. I was warned to speak to no one, keep my head down, draw no attention to myself and blah…blah…blah.

I argued that now that my ankle was completely heeled and I no longer needed the use of crutches so therefore I had nothing to restrain me anymore.

He must see me as a complete child incapable of completing a task without getting harmed. To be fair…trouble does seem to follow me.

I did follow what he said, avoiding unnecessary contact with other people except when thanking the cashier after my purchase.

As I walked along the footpath I breathed in and looked at my watch. I had another half hour until I had to return to imprisonment or supervised exploration.

I sat on a nearby bench watching the people pass. I placed the groceries beside me and sank back into the bench. I played with my sleek brown hair and looked down at my mother's chain. I was thinking a lot of her recently. I never had a clear image of her in my head. I would have liked to think that she was this heroic woman who for reasons beyond her control could not raise me.

But the more I thought of her, the further that image diminished. Maybe she wasn't heroic, maybe she didn't want to raise a child. Maybe she didn't want the trouble. Syaoran didn't even know about me, what sort of woman would have a child and not tell the father? What sort of woman would leave it to chance that I found him?

I sighed. I was lucky Syaoran wanted anything to do with me at all let alone bring me into his home.

Maybe I shouldn't ever meet her. Maybe just Syaoran and I was ok. Lately he's been talking about the future. After this _event_ that's supposed to happen, our lives should go back to normal. Well when Syaoran says normal…who knows what that meant.

He said there was no point in enrolling me in school in Tomoeda because I'd draw attention to myself. In other words, the other kids would see me as an easy target and probably try to kick the shit out of me. Somehow I couldn't imagine Syaoran as the type of person to sit through Parent-teacher meetings if that did happen.

I scoffed to myself. In the valley I had a bit of a reputation for getting myself into fights. I could be rowdy in school and my temper was easily set off. Not over the silly things, name calling didn't effect me, it was when they got personal that I got angry. Looking back on it now I believe they did it purposely to get under my skin and taunt me.

I wouldn't call in bullying exactly…well it was…but it honestly never effected me. Aunt Tomoyo always use to say I was better than their petty attempts to hurt me. Nevertheless there was a lot of kids in the valley that received my fist in their faces and I was proud to say I made it with very few scars. The valley was so small that the number of children in school was so small it was like a family, a family that didn't get on.

I had a mean streak, when I wanted it. I believe it was the frustration of my sheltered lifestyle that contributed to that. Being in an environment you knew you didn't belong to can add to frustration. Even though Tomoeda was an overwhelming change to the valley, I feel it I more suited to me, but not for forever.

In the midst of my contemplation I saw her.

She walked in small staccato steps, huffing as if in a hurry. I almost didn't recognise her with her very different dress attire. Her turtle neck jumper covered her up thickly and her thick glasses made it difficult to identify her. Her hair was a sharply cut bob that sat just below her chin.

But I knew her face, I couldn't forget it because it was the first kind face I received when I came here.

I didn't even think when I grabbed the groceries and ran towards her.

"Naoko!" I shouted.

She stopped in her tracks and squinted as I approached her. She looked absolutely petrified as I came close. I stopped a few feet from her huffing. She hid her face behind the large bouquet of flowers she was holding. I saw one eye peer through the flowers to scrutinize me.

"It's me…we meet about a month ago remember? I was looking for Syaoran Li?"

She nearly dropped her flowers when she realised who I was.

"Oh yes! You're that boy! I'm very sorry I have a memory like a goldfish!" She sounded both giddy and nervous at the same time.

"I'm not a boy." I said raising an eyebrow.

She manoeuvred the plant to balance it between her hip and hand and pushed her glasses further up her nose.

"Oh I'm sorry, my eyesight is terrible! Oh and a pretty girl you are." She said smiling awkwardly.

I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears. Then she smiled crookedly and shuffled on the spot.

"I'm sorry it's just… can I ask? Did you find…Syaoran?" She was nervous asking this. Now that I knew who Syaoran was I understood why she was reluctant to help me find him.

"Yes." I said looking down to the floor. "Thank you for helping me that time. You have no idea how hard it was to get someone to talk to me."

We stood in awkward silence not knowing what to say.

"Do you need a hand?" I asked as she began to struggle under the weight of all her bags.

"No I'll manage thank you!" She said although it didn't seem like it. "I'm sure you're very busy today anyway." She said throwing some hair behind her ear.

I sighed and shook my head. I had no plans, just back to the apartment to wait. I'd make dinner then Syaoran would disappear to an unknown place and not return until late hours.

Naoko looked sadly at me then perked up a second later.

"Maybe you want to come with me?" She said smiling a small smile. "It'd be good company." She shrugged which caused her bags to way onto one side.

I wanted to say yes but I was so conscience of the time. I looked at my watch. Well…Syaoran wouldn't mind if I was a little late…

And anyways, I've been nagging him to get me a phone for situations just like this but he just waves it off. He could have the mind of a parent sometimes, then other times they could be lacking. I didn't know which I would prefer.

"Sure." I said grabbing one of her bags and walking beside her.

"So where are we going?" I asked her.

"Oh…just visiting an old friend of mine. It shouldn't take long." She beamed a smile at me. How different this Naoko was to the one I first met, the prostitute under fear of her boss. With her sharply cut bob you wouldn't imagine what her night time profession was.

We walked through the quieter streets engaging in light conversation. We came towards a housing estate that wasn't as run down as the other ones. A few children were playing amongst themselves and not venturing across the road where strangers walked.

We approached black gates which ran in the shape of a square. We came to the entrance.

I looked up at Naoko in confusion. It was a graveyard.

With slow prepared steps Naoko walked on and I followed her. These graves were small and not very well taken care off. Some consisted of merely of a metal cross struck into the soil. Some were swallowed under thick greenery and barely noticeable. I noticed very few graves had names on them and the ones who did were worn in and unreadable.

We kept walking until we reached a grave at the very back.

I almost didn't even recognise it as a grave at first. It was petite and grey. There was no name on it to give away who it belonged to. It was well kept compared to most of the other ones and lay under a dying willow tree. Naoko stood over the grave with the pot of flowers in her hand.

Her head was slightly bowed and her eyes were shut. Her lips moved at a fast pace. She was praying.

Then it clicked.

"This is your friend isn't it?" I asked pointing to the grave.

She nodded and sat back onto the bench under the tree. I sat beside her and placed the bags under the chair. There was a moment of silence. Naoko removed the weeds that clung to the plot and took out the old flowers that were withered and robbed of their colour. I watched as she kneeled down and planted the new flowers. I said nothing in fear that I would disturb the tranquil atmosphere.

She wiped her forehead as she sat down beside me. The bench creaked as she sat down.

We sat in the serene silence listening to the wind blowing. The willow tree swayed slightly above us. There was a nice aura here.

Then Naoko murmured the words that altered the atmosphere.

"You're Sakura' daughter aren't you?"

My heart stopped for a split second. I could practically hear Syaoran's voice in my head telling me to come home. I mean, I didn't even know Naoko that well…what if she was on the bad guys side? It suddenly seemed stupid that I was so gullible to follow her.

"H-how do you know?" I asked turning my head towards her.

She crossed her legs in a lady-like manner and fidgeted with the seams of her jumper.

"It's kind of obvious. Now that I see you in daylight….you have an uncanny resemblance to your mother. In fact, I had to blink twice to assure myself it wasn't her." She smiled sweetly to reassure me. "I assume Syaoran is your father, isn't he?"

I looked down at my hands not knowing what to say. I thought about denying it outright but I knew there was no fooling her.

I nodded and looked at her with a worried expression.

"You're secret's safe with me." She said placing a hand on mine and winked.

"Am I that similar to her?"

"Oh yes! But you have Syaoran's eyes. A nice combination of both." She laughed to herself. "I never imagined Syaoran Li having a child." Then she laughed again caught up in her own world of the past.

"Who was it?" I asked pointing to the grave and diverting her attention.

She closed her eyes and rolled her head back with her face neutral.

"An old friend of mine. Well…friend might be an exaggeration. She was a college of mine." She removed her glasses and wiped them on her jumper before placing them back on.

"What was her name?" I inquired becoming interested.

"…Rika." She said in a melancholy voice. "We never always got along if I am to be honest."

"Why's that?"

"She was…opinionated. Bossy and quite selfish. She certainly never made things easy for any of us." She frowned and looked down as if this Rika person was watching with a frown.

"Then why do you visit her grave?" I asked crossing my legs wanting to know more. My ever curious side perking up.

"Because, if I don't, who will? I don't want her to get lonely." She sighed.

"Was she an assassin too?"

"Oh yes, but near the end, it was not what she was remembered for. She could drive though. She was the best getaway driver I've ever seen. I never knew much about skill and assassin work but I knew that she could have been great…could have."

"How did she die?" I asked in a small voice afraid that it would be too painful for her to speak about.

"She died unhappy, and in a tragic way. But she's certainly not someone you would forget. And when it came to her and your mother, they clashed big time." Naoko rubbed her eyes with her hand as if the memory was warring her out. "I can still remember them fighting, screaming at each other. All the name calling and threats that went back and forth…it was tiring."

"Why did they hate each other?"

Naoko shrugged. "Different reasons I suppose. They were two different people to begin with. Rika liked to get under your skin. Lord knows how many nights she made me cry. But that's my own fault. I was a pushover…still am. Fanran ignored her and became very good at it whereas Sakura…she was the first person who challenged Rika. No one stood up to Rika like your mother did. She was a very courageous woman." Naoko sighed and twisted her mouth upwards thinking deeply.

"I suppose your father had something to do with their tension, but in the very end… it was their profession that divided them to the extremes."

I wanted her to elaborate but choose not to.

"What happened to her?" I said in a low voice in case others could hear.

A dark shadow descended across Naoko's face. Her whole face collapsed into sadness and despair.

"Slowly…then tragically…Though she made my life hell while she was alive… her death is one no one should ever face."

Naoko sat back and crossed her arms. Her thin bird-like body became relaxed as she fell into a nostalgic state.

"I knew something bad was going to happen to Rika before it did." She said nodding to herself.

"How?"

She breathed out and looked at the grave. Her big eyes grew worried.

"I suppose it started with a particular mission…it was clear that things would go downhill from there…."

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 17 years ago**

"Can't you take a joke?"

"Bite me Rika." I hissed through my teeth and cursing Meiling for pairing me with her on the same mission.

"You do look like you're father though, doesn't she Takashi? He had that cross eyed thing going on too." She snickered, taunting me with her childish swipes.

Takashi remained like a statue beside me staying out of out catfight. Rika was being a bitch as usual and I've been listening to her crap for the past hour.

"This one time." She said lying down on the cargo beside me being purposefully close to me because she knew I hated that. "Syaoran and I were on this very crate. Let's just say we did a mission Meiling didn't authorise."

"I don't fucking care Rika just shut the fuck up." I spat moving away from her. I obviously cared…but I wouldn't say because there was 'nothing between Syaoran and I' and I knew she was talking bullshit.

She laughed harshly loving the fact my temper was being set off.

"Oh I'm sorry did I upset you? Why don't you tell your mommy- opps" She said as if she were sympathetically.

"Watch it Rika." I said through gritted teeth.

"Or what? You going to put my in my place?" I knew what her tone meant, she was challenging me.

"Keep talking and see what happens."

"Awh, the poor, poor orphan can't take a joke. Still touchy are we? You and Takashi should join a club. His girlfriends face got blown to bits and he seems to laugh about it don't you Takashi?" She said patting him harshly on the back and grinning from ear to ear, taunting his still raw wounds.

"Shut your mouth Rika. Don't involve Takashi into your sick mind games." I fumed feeling my patience fun out quickly.

"And there it is! Sakura Kinomoto to the rescue, Sakura who thinks she can do no wrong! You're just so damn perfect like your mother aren't you, well look where that got her." She said sarcastically making my blood boil.

I knew better than to give into her pathetic comments and attempts to hurt me. But I couldn't let her think she can get away with it. On and on it went, her taunting and her stabbing of raw wounds.

"I'm disappointed in you Rika,"

Rika took out a silver sleek bottle which I knew contained some strong alcohol in it. She unscrewed the cap and took a long swig at it eyeing me sceptically.

"Oh? And why is that do tell."

I shrugged and continued to polish my gun.

"I thought they would have taught you more manners in the whorehouse."

I saw both Rika and Takashi's head whirl towards me. It was a low blow, even for me. Syaoran told me in confidence that Rika use to be a prostitute before recruited into Li. She came from the slums and was forced into it by her father. Rika was speechless for the first time in a long time.

Her hand gripped the bottle before she slammed it against the ground.

"You take that back Kinomoto." She threatened in a low and serious voice.

"Or what? You'll put me in my place?" I answered back mocking her tone.

I saw the blood boil in her skin, her jaw locked in a furious way. I have to admit I got a personal kick out of seeing her fume. My mother would be disappointed at my lowering myself to Rika's level…but I wanted to hurt her.

Rika strode forward until her face was an inch from mine. My face read a calm and almost smug look which infuriated her more…and I loved it.

"You think you have it all figured out don't you? I'd watch my back if I were you Kinomoto."

"Don't you worry about me." I said sweetly. "I'd be looking after myself if I were you."

"Why? Because you'll stab me in the back? Like your father did all of us? Like father like daughter then eh?"

"You know, I'd compare you to your own father if we met before he dropped you off at the sidewalk to spread your legs for a living."

That made her mad…

I knew this was the very rare vindictive side coming out of me. A side that belonged to my father. I observed it many times when he was with my mother. His technique was vile and hurtful towards my mother and being so young my mind must have picked up on how to hurt people. But I hated doing it, and I hated how I loved doing it to Rika.

I grabbed the shoulder straps of her top and pushed her back. She responded by pushing my hands away from her and throwing a punch which I avoided.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Syaoran's voice boomed from behind us.

We both huffed and glared at him at the same time. As much as he brought on our fights, this was one that didn't involve him and we bother wanted him to stay out of it.

"You better keep that fucking mouth of your shut about him or I swear I'll-"

"You'll what? Tell Meiling on me? I'm sure she'll be really sympathetic" I said mocking her tone and smiling as I did so, like my father use to do when the receiver was mad.

"For fuck sake." Syaoran shouted and threw his bag onto the ground which made a harsh thud sound loud enough to silence us. "We're on a mission can't you two act a bit professional? I don't give a shit what it's about it can fucking wait!"

He was seriously pissed.

"I expected you after all these years to be professional." He shouted at Rika which pleased me a bit. "And I expected you not to act like a god-damn child." He said in a louder voice aiming it at me.

Both of us were shocked but the rage for each other diminished only slightly.

"Rika go get into position." He barked at her.

Rika curled her lip upwards and grabbed her bottle, took a full swig of it before stalking off, giving me an evil glare as she did so.

When she was gone I tried to explain to Syaoran but he was having none of it.

"I don't care. Out here you don't act like a fucking child do you understand." I hated how he spoke to me as if he were my boss. Of course there was the level of respect I had for him…but given what we had I thought he would have sided with me.

"Do you understand?" He asked again when I didn't answer.

I slanted my eyes and locked my jaw. "Yes Syaoran." I said mocking how he answers to Meiling. It was a low and hateful thing to do but my fathers traits were burning in my mind.

Rika had me so wound up that I just didn't care what his reaction was. I returned to my post and didn't even watch him leave. I'll be paying for that later. There was no way he'd let that drop.

Beside me, Takashi was smiling.

"I'm sorry about that." I said because I genuinely didn't want anyone to witness that. This was Takashi's first mission in a long time, since Chiharu. "She winds me up so much." I muttered.

He said nothing at first. His face remained stony with his dead smile that was unusual.

"You and Syaoran have a close bond there…I doubt he'll let Rika touch you."

Maybe it was my temper that still raged, or maybe it was the hours of waiting, but I had a suspicion that he said that with some sarcasm with the most subtle hint of venom…

I didn't have time to scrutinize his tone because at that moment gunshots went off and it was time to move.

X x x

This mission was going all wrong…

The mission seemed simple enough. The Clow Organization were collecting a shipment of weapons and Meiling felt threatened enough to send us here to raid it. But they were somehow well prepared for us.

Gunshots and footsteps served as the only sound as I dashed through the cargo maze. I shook off whoever was following me. Whirling my head left and right I was alone. My thoughts flew to Rika whom I got separated from. She disappeared and my concern was more for myself than her.

"Rika?" I whispered but got no reply.

Then I felt a presence behind my. He was fast, faster than me. His gun pushed against the back of my neck. I squeezed my eyes and waited for the bang. But there was none. I peeked through one eye and kept my feet rooted to the ground.

"Walk." He said in a strong tone.

I began to walk in silence, his gun never leaving my head.

We walked away from the chaos that was happening to a secluded area that had no other life but us. My mind thought through how to get through this.

"Who are you?" I asked as we came to a dead end.

"Stop." He said when we reached a dead end.

Huge cargo crates were stacked up all around us, shielding me from help and from hearing distance.

Feeling his gun slip away from my neck I felt secure enough to turn around. When I seen him I knew I seen him before. But where I simply couldn't figure out. His tall and slender frame towered over me but it was his face that was familiar.

"Why are you working for Meiling?" he asked cutting to the chase.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Who's asking?"

He smiled crookedly and placed a hand on his hip. "Nobody important I suppose."

"Then why do you care?" I asked becoming more perplexed.

"Why so testy sweetheart?" His tone was not mocking but more…sympathetic. Then I remembered him. He cocked his head to the side showing me a side profile of his almost perfectly symmetrical face. His hair was almost white but we were about the same age, he may have been two or three years older.

"You tried to kill me before!" I said suddenly realising he was the second person the night of my test, the one who shot at me.

"Oh? And why would I try and kill you?" He pulled out a cigarette and to my surprise, lit it up. "I was observing you." He smiled and gave a short laugh.

"With your gun?" I said sarcastically ad becoming frustrated at his strange persona.

He shrugged. He was strange. I thought he was going to let me go, but then he swung a machine gun that was concealed on his back. My heart actually stopped for a second and my eyes nearly bulged from my face.

"Honey, you're working for the wrong side."

"Is that so?" I was waiting for the right moment. For the moment Syaoran trained me to wait for. I wasn't totally staring death in the face. I waited, but on he spoke.

"You're a pretty young thing to be working for a vindictive bitch like Meiling." He said with his voice oozing with the same hate I had for her. Maybe we weren't so different.

"I've no other choice." I said shrugging but keeping an eye on his gun.

"Beautiful girl like you? It's not too late." He had a nice smile, though his method of murder was unusual. "Find yourself a rich boy and get out of here. It's not too late."

"Why all the interest in my safety? You're the one with the gun." I said.

He shrugged and looked me up and down. "Because, it's a pity to see such a pretty thing turn sour in this line of work."

"Do you plan on charming me to death? Because you're not doing a very good job."

He raised an eyebrow at me. He had a perfectly symmetrical face and his features were extremely sharp, handsome. He was skinny but not in an unmanly way but in an intimidating way. His overall look was rough and un-kept in a good sort of way.

He smirked and skilfully flicked his cigarette away. It flew across the distance between us like a firefly and landed at my feet.

"Turn around." He said.

I did so waiting for the right moment.

"Hands up." He ordered.

I heard him walk towards me in slow steps. The echoes of his steps bounced around and faded when he was inches from me. I tried to move, execute my escape. But he was sleek. Within a split second I was in his grasp still facing away from him. He had a different technique, different methods to the ones Syaoran taught me. I couldn't budge from his grasp.

"Stay still sweetheart, I'll be kind." I could feel the satisfied smirk on his face.

His hand moved very slowly from my shoulder to my waist. I felt his cool hand against the skin of my back creeping upwards. His finger moved back and forth in the inside of my bra strap until it tipped something metal.

"There we are." He said removing the knife I had concealed within my bra strap. "The advantages of being a woman." He said waving my knife in front of me.

He then proceeded to take the other two guns strapped to my leg and waist. He was good at what he did.

His body was pressed against my back and he leaned his head foreword that his cheek pressed against mine. There was no space between our bodies now he was that close.

"You not meant to be working for Meiling, you got caught up in something really ugly and ended up on the wrong side." He said lowly into my ear which gave me chills. "Get out while you can hon, it's not too late."

What he said raised so many questions in my head but I could not phrase one except. "Who are you?"

"You can call me Yue, don't worry angel face, we'll see each other again." I could feel the smile on his face. "By the way," He said lowly with his lips against my ear, "You're as beautiful as they say."

I felt Goosebumps on my arm, I didn't know how to react to him. Who were they? Why did he act like he knew of me?

I didn't know what to say so I just stood there as he slipped away from me. I waited for the gun, the bang to signal an end to my life, but it never came. About three minutes passed and nothing happened. Then slowly I began to turn around to see that he was gone and I was alone.

I stood in awe at the strange encounter. Then coming back to reality, I heard gunshots in the distance.

Rika, though she would never do it for me, I had to go back for to her.

X x x

"Rika!" I called out watching her stumble across the vast open land that exposed her to bullets.

What had gotten into her? Rika half ran half stumbled against the cargo shooting into the sky not seeming to react with experience or any skill to the current situation.

The Clow enemy was all around advancing on us and we were low in numbers.

"Rika get back!" I shouted but she seemed oblivious to me. At this stage I didn't know how she wasn't shot yet. The only conclusion I could draw up was that she was injured and limping towards me. Looking left and right I saw nobody from Li was here to help. She would surly die if I did nothing.

Could I let that happen? If I went to help her there was such a strong chance I wouldn't make it back, we were completely out numbered. Looking up I saw Fanran shooting back with an intense look on her face. I looked from her to Rika and back again.

I knew… I knew not in a million years would Rika put her life in harms way for me. She would rather spit on my grave. But I couldn't live with the guilt if she died and I did nothing.

"Fanran!" I shouted catching her attention. "Cover me." I signalled to her.

She looked from me to Rika and nodded when she understood.

I took a deep breath and visualized how it would go down in my head, then I dashed into the mayhem. I felt the bullets skit at my heels, felt the woosh of them as they became dangerously acquainted with my skin.

When I reached Rika I was hit by the stench of alcohol that wafted from her.

"Rika come on!" I said shaking her.

She fell onto her knees and her head lolled around her neck as if her neck muscles gave up. She was drunk. I shook her and screamed at her to moved but she remained unresponsive to me. Fanran could only cover for me for so long…

There was no other choice. Through the chaos around me I hooked my arm under her arms and dragged her. I took her gun from her and started firing back. I thanked God that Syaoran taught me his skills well. Somehow I made it to some sort of shelter. Rika was semi-conscience and she got a sudden burst of anger.

"Get the fuck off me!" She slurred and pushed me away. "Don't you fucking touch me ever!" She couldn't even stand. Her attempts were embarrassing to watch.

"Rika we have to move this mission is beyond control." I tried to remain calm despite the fact I wish I just dumped her in the middle of no man's land.

Her eyes raged on at me, wanting me dead. Then a bang went off behind her and Rika clutched her leg in agony and fell. I retaliated successfully but I knew she was crippled now. She screamed loudly, possibly attracting further Clow minions.

Two miles I had to drag her. Two miles of her abuse, screaming and intoxicated comments about how I deserved to lie beside my mother.

No hint of a thank you, and I knew she'd never give me one. I hated Rika….I hated her as much as I hated Fujitaka…

Then finally, from the distance I heard a car approaching. I breathed a sigh of relief when Syaoran's car skidded to a halt and himself and Eriol climbed out. I collapsed from exhaustion as they neared.

"Syaoran!" Rika shouted purposely sounding completely helpless when I knew her injury wasn't that bad. She outstretched her hand towards him like a child in desperate need of attention.

Syaoran responded by roughly picking her up but remaining careful of her wound. A subtle drunk smile crept on her face when she received the attention she wanted from him.

"It hurts." She sulked and wrapped her arms around his neck and cradled her head into his neck.

"I'll take you to Tomoyo." He said in a rushed tone.

I felt my blood boil. He never even looked my way to check if I was ok. I couldn't move from the exhaustion so I remained sitting against the damp slimy wall.

"Sakura come on." Eriol said bending down and helping me up. "You did good." He said giving my at least some praise.

He helped me into the car and Syaoran made a speedy getaway.

Rika sat beside me wining about her injury.

Eriol's phone rang and it was Meiling. We all held our breaths, even Rika. Eriol would have to deliver the news that for the first time in a very long time…Li was unsuccessful in a mission.

We listened intently to Eriol as he told her.

"Yes. I don't know. Yes Meiling, we know- It just did…"

A long silence followed and we held our breaths.

"…Yes Meiling." He said with a stony voice and hung up.

"Well?" Syaoran asked after Eriol said nothing.

"We've to go to her office, all of us now."

"What about me!" Rika piped up aggravated.

"Suck it up for now." Eriol snapped getting fed up of her. "We'll bring you to Tomoyo after."

I sank lower into the seat, as did Rika. We all knew that we were getting it. The wrath of Meiling. We drove on in silence staring out the windows, dreading what was to come, like driving into the dragons den…

x x x


	15. Scars of Jealousy

******  
><strong>**x x x**

**Sakura's POV: 17 Years ago**

"HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU LET THEM GET AWAY?" she fumed kicking the chair in uproar.

The vein on her forehead pulsed insanely and her normally polished appearance was flawed by her unkept clothes. Meiling has been stressed lately. Every single thing seemed to set her off. I could understand to some extent. But at the same time, it was us who were _technically _raiding Clow's import of supplies.

"They were prepared for us. They obviously expected us to do something like this." Eriol said through gritted teeth.

He too was beginning to change. He could no longer hold his temper as well as he use to. You could see with his tense posture that his patience over the years was beginning to snap.

"That's not good enough!" She roared and with one quick motion she toppled over the stack of files Takashi was working on all this morning.

Meiling began to pace back and forth before settling on staring out the window.

"We're doing another raid. Tomorrow week-"

"No Meiling!" Eriol barked and slammed his hands on her desk.

Never was there a silence felt like this.

Ever…

Everyone in the room, myself, Fanran, Rika, Takashi and even Syaoran stared at him in absolute shock. Eriol ignored our reactions and continued to stare at Meiling with a determined look.

"If you keep playing this game Clow is going to strike and you know what that will mean for us all. We're not prepared for a war Meiling, Li is an organization and NOT A GANG! You cannot just click your fingers and we'll revert back to how our methods use to be!-"

"And who are you to say what Li is and what it isn't! I built Li and I alone know what it can do!"

"Syaoran's father built Li and not you! And it was your father who kept it standing." Eriol's voice boomed which silenced Meiling.

I don't know why, but I had enough sense to understand that it crossed some sort of a line.

Meiling's face recovered and formed a wicked cold glare. She crept over to the table and placed her hands on it and bowed her head towards Eriol's.

Suddenly what started out as Meiling's tirade of abuse against us, turned into something very personal between Eriol and Meiling. The rest of us…were merely spectators.

Meiling snarled her lip upward and said in an icy tone. "Xiao Lang Li wasn't fit to run Li, just like my father wasn't."

From the corner of my eye I saw Syaoran take a sharp step foreword. Fanran put her arm out in front of him to stop him from going any further. Syaoran's fists balled up but Fanran's eyes pleaded with him to stay where he was. Another second passed, and he relaxed.

"Maybe your father wasn't the best leader, but he made it work. And he was always ready for war, which was more than what you have now!"

"Watch what you say Eriol." She warned. "I brought Li to new heights and I can take it down just as quick."

"You changed everything about Li Meiling. It's not about Li anymore, it's not about any of us." He said referring to us. "It's about you and your power and it's going to bring you down. At least your father and Xiao Lang Li could control what they had."

"Funny you didn't have this much praise for my father when he was murdered did you!" She said monotone.

I didn't know what she meant by that but then again, their conversation seemed to exclude us anyway. I didn't even know how Meiling's father died, you could have told me he was still alive and I would have believed it.

Eriol seemed defeated at what she said. He kept his strong stance but I could tell that what she said had another meaning, one to silence him.

"We carry out a raid tomorrow week and this time, you won't fuck it up."

I expected Eriol to go with it, to say 'Yes Meiling' as they all did. Meiling was undefeatable, Meiling always one. But he didn't.

"Well then you'll have to do it without me." He said in a voice full of venom.

Meiling did not get time to react because Eriol marched away from her in such anger and fury. As he passed me I stepped away. He was like a bull and I was afraid he would throw me across the room.

The door slammed shut, leaving an awkward atmosphere behind.

Nobody looked at Meiling, but to my surprise, she slumped into her seat and patted her hair back to it's place.

"Back to matters." She said addressing us in a surprisingly calm voice.

Meiling…bipolar as ever…

We all glanced at each other not really believing that Eriol spoke to her like that.

She flipped out a brown folder, she had a mission for us.

"Sakura." She said.

My head shot up in surprise that she was addressing me for once in a long time.

"I want you to carry out an assassination next week. Takashi will inform you of the details."

From the corner of my eye I saw Rika roll her eyes as she slouched back onto the couch. I was surprised Meiling didn't comment on Rika's inappropriate behaviour in her presence. Rika lacked the military style the rest of us carried out in Meiling's presence and Meiling seemed un bothered by it.

"Okayama Makoto has been sniffing around Li and is becoming an unwanted association of Li. I want you to take care of him."

I opened my mouth to respond but Rika bolted up and practically threw herself at Meiling's desk.

"Okayama Makoto? You're killing him?"

"Are you deaf child? That's what I just said." Meiling said not even acknowledging Rika's outburst.

Rika was utterly speechless for a second. Her mouth quivered trying to say something.

"Y-you promised that when this time came you would have it over to me!" She exclaimed pointing to herself. "You promised Meiling this is MY MISSION."

"You're right." Meiling said calmly and clasped her hands together and looked up at a frantic Rika. "I did make that promise didn't I?"

Rika breathed a sigh of relief. She must really want this guy dead.

"But," Meiling said thus re-establishing Rika's panic. "Back then, you weren't a raging alcoholic who got drunk during missions and slacked off. Back then I had fate in you, as I did everyone else."

Rika's face turned dark. "You know I want this scumbag dead more than anyone else. This mission belongs to me and no one else!"

"I understand that Rika." Meiling held her hands out innocently but we all picked up on her sarcasm. "But right now, you're unfit to even be in my presence. You think I haven't noticed how Eriol and Fanran fill your shifts? Or the fact that you have become the biggest waste of my time since Takashi shacked up with that girl?"

Rika's mouth dropped. She didn't know how to react. "Meiling," Her temper was rising, her voice began to shake with rage, "Don't do this, I want to kill that bastard."

"And dead he shall be, by Sakura's gun."

"WHY HER!" She roared loudly and stabbing a finger at me. "Why of all people her Meiling? Fujitaka's little bastard? I am twice the killer she will ever be. I am twice as loyal as that back stabbing bitch of a mother she had!"

I took a forceful step forward but Syaoran reeled me back by my elbow.

"You'll only make it all worse." He whispered.

I relaxed but Rika would pay for that one later.

Rika was full on pleading now. Never, since I came here did she show such willingness and determination for a mission, and Meiling was handing it to me of all people.

Meiling walked to the window with her hands behind her back.

"You live in a funny world Rika." She said sighing. "You claim to be my best assassin yet a rookie, someone who has barely been here six months managed not only to save herself un harmed, but managed to drag a _professional_ for two miles away from danger." She tossed her head back to semi-smile at me. "I'd be embarrassed if I were you Rika, I think you owe Kinomoto your gratitude. You could learn something from her."

It was like Meiling crawled into Rika's mind, plucked out her worst nightmare and made into reality. Meiling comparing Rika to me in front of the people she practically grew up with, trained with, and humiliated her in front of them all.

Rika's red curls were scatty at her face. I could practically feel her reaching a boiling point.

"Never compare me to _her_." She snarled referring to me.

None of the others spoke a word. They stood in silence unwillingly observing Rika's humiliation. I hated this feeling. I wanted to blend into the wall and for this all to be forgotten with.

"I'm not comparing Rika because, there's simply no comparison anymore. Sakura has excelled you by miles Rika, you should be following in her tracks."

There it was, the final blow.

Rika's body began to shake. Her knuckles were white because she clenched the so much. Her locked into a hard square, she was a ticking time bomb. Except Meiling wasn't trying to defuse her, she wanted an explosion.

"So that's it then? After all there years, this is all I get from you?" Rika's voice was terrifyingly meek, as if she were trying to keep it calm.

"No, as of now I am demoting you to getaway driver. You will hand all your upcoming missions to Sakura, you will keep her informed and report to her."

Rika had reached her boiling point.

We all gasped when her hands swiped violently over the table, crashing everything into the wall. She picked up the jug of flowers on Meiling's desk and smashed it against the window narrowly missing Meiling. The roars that came from her were animalistic. When there was no longer anything left to smash she hooked her arms under the desk thrust it upside down and away from her so there was a clear space between herself and Meiling.

For a moment I thought she was going to lunge for Meiling.

Seconds passed and Meiling remained perfectly still, almost completely unfazed at the turmoil and destruction she set off in Rika.

Rika trembled on the spot. Not in fear, but the sheer anger. Then, another antagonizing moment passed and she turned around not making eye contact with anyone one but the door. She walked slowly, as if quick movements were too complicated to execute at the moment.

My heart beat faster as she came closer to me. She stopped when we were shoulder to shoulder facing the opposite way. Her head turned disturbingly slow to face me.

Her lips parted and she said coldly. "If it were you out there, I would have left you for dead."

A chill travelled up my spine. I knew that anyway, but to hear the venom in her voice made my bones chill.

When she left there was nothing amongst us to say.

Meiling turned her head to the side and that sickening smile was on her lips.

"You're all dismissed."

X x x

"Are you sure she'll be ok?" I asked for the hundredth time still not satisfied.

"For the last time, Rika will be fine. She deserved to be taken down a notch and had it coming for a long time now."

"Yeah but don't you think Meiling way too harsh. Rika hates me Syaoran, and now she has to report to me everyday? Why does she want that guy dead anyway?"

"He was her…pimp I suppose, when Rika was a prostitute. She's been waiting a long time to kill him."

I suddenly understood. Though her circumstances were dire, forced to work under him doing those type f services, her hate for him was like my hate for my father. I wanted to kill my mother's killer myself, not anyone else.

Syaoran nodded. "It's not your fault so stop blaming yourself."

He stopped me and put against the wall softly. His hands rested on my shoulders. "What happened to Rika was bad, but there's nothing you can do. What Meiling says is final."

I sighed and pressed my forehead against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. We were alone in the alley. Then I remembered something.

I backed away from creating a coldness between us.

"By the way, don't think I forgot that you took Rika's side." I said crossing my arms thus blocking any warmth from him.

He rolled his eyes. "It wasn't the time or place. Besides I wasn't taking sides. You were both acting like kids."

"You don't even know what she said to me! It seems she just bats her eyes lashes and you give in."

"Sakura you know it's not like that." He huffed probably sick of my wining. "I can't seem to do anything right with you. If it's not Rika its Meiling, if it's not Meilings its' what I did to Chiharu I mean what do you want!"

Hearing him say that was a bit of a slap to the face. Do I complain that much? If so, I did kinda feel bad.

"Look." He said taking my hand and tugging me to him. "You know how I feel about Rika. Besides, something tells me your just letting her get to you is that it?"

"Maybe." I admitted.

He was right. But hearing Rika go on about her so called sexual escapades with Syaoran would piss of anyone. I wasn't imagining it. But I shouldn't have lowered myself to her level.

"What did you say to her? It takes a lot to piss Rika off like that."

I bit my lip and looked down. His fingers forced me to look at him. His intense stare shamed me into confessing. He wasn't pleased about it.

"Low blow."

"I know. Don't guilt me anymore."

He sighed loudly and pulled me into him. "Well let that be the end of it." He mumbled into my hair, kissing my scalp repeatedly. I forget how strong he is. His arms are so strong I was sure he could crush me if he wanted to.

"I should go, I don't want to cause any more suspicion among Fanran or Naoko."

"That'll be difficult since your coming home with me." He said winking at me implying something that made me smile.

"Oh am I?" I said smiling deviously mimicking his.

"I need to pick something up first, wait here." He said planting a rough kiss on my lips and leaving me swooned.

It was on the tip of my tongue to bring up my encounter with the Clow assassin. But after everything that's happened tonight, I thin it can wait.

He disappeared into the door beside us to pick up a package. I stood against the wet wall and looked up at the bleak night sky. I couldn't shake Rika out of my head. I just knew she was in a bar somewhere numbing her sorrow and anger wit tequila probably imagining killing me.

I didn't blame her.

In the distance I heard a car zipping through a street not so far from here. I lolled my head back and closed my eyes wishing this horrible night would end.

The car was coming closer and closer, it's monotone noise getting louder and louder. I opened one eye down the alley. The car drifted around the corner of the alley I was on. I jumped back in sheer fright and retreated as I drifted insanely from side to side nearing me until it crashed into a nearby dumpster. Smoke radiated of the bonnet shadowing the vivid red paint of the car itself.

I recognised Rika's car anywhere.

The air bag released and the person inside struggled for a minute before clambering out the front door. Rika coughed as she fell out. I would have come to her aid if I were not in shock. She struggled to her feet with a face of disorientation.

When she saw me that all changed.

She kicked the door shut and began a slow march towards me.

"Not now Rika, haven't enough happened tonight. Lets talk about it tomorrow, please." I said pinching the bridge of my nose in annoyance that she would keep this going.

"Oh I'm not here to talk." She said swiping my gun from my pocket.

She was so quick I didn't react.

Her fist crashed down on my face so hard it knocked me to the ground. She was on top of me before I knew it striking my face over and over again.

"You don't know how much I hate you Kinomoto." She spat. The smell of alcohol coming from her was overwhelming. "Everything was fine…before you came…Now I take orders from you? I rather be dead in the gutter."

Her words were so slurred I couldn't fully make them out. She was surprisingly strong. My head was spinning so I was too slow to react.

"You took everything…you think I'm just going to let it happen?" She laughed drunkenly. "Killing you would be too easy."

She took a knife from her back pocket and smiled sinisterly. Through her bloodshot and glassy eyes I saw rage. I saw utter hate. It was the hate I had for my father.

She opened the knife. "Lets see how much Syaoran wants you after I carve you pretty face."

I felt a chill run up my spine and a second later hand stuck down at my face.

Finally reacting I caught her hand a centimetre from my face. The silver of the knife winked at me malevolently and I felt the very tip of it tickle under my eye.

"Rika…stop…" I couldn't push back anymore.

My strength was weakening, If I let go…

As she seen me struggle she smiled showing her sharp teeth. My pleas with her fuelled her hate. She pushed down and I screamed as the metal pierced the surface of my skin. I kicked and screamed and tried to fight back but she was a statue on me not budging but becoming more and more immersed in what she was doing. All I could do was turn my head which proved a disastrous move.

As I turned my head the knife stood immovable in my skin and cut into the side of my face leaving a small trail behind. I felt the blood flow down my cheek and stain the grimy ground.

She lifted the knife from my face and plunged it down again. My arms flew to my face in a desperate attempt to shield my face. When she didn't strike I looked through my arms. She wasn't on me anymore.

Syaoran tackled her off me and held her away from me. He removed her knife in one quick motions. Rika wails attracted Eriol outside. With one quick scan of the scene he understood.

"Eriol get her out of here." He said over his shoulder still restraining Rika with one hand. "You're so fucking lucky you're a woman or I swear to God-"

"Leave her Syaoran." Eriol said dragging Rika from him.

I clutched my blood soaked face with one hand and pushed against the wall to stand up. The wound stung. It was like a giant paper cut on my face and someone was rubbing salt in it. I hissed and clutched it with my hands.

Syaoran came to my aid with his face wincing at the amount of blood on my face.

Rika's taunting laughed echoed throughout the alley. It was so spiteful that if I could see out both eyes I would have lunged for her.

"Won't be so easy to fuck her now with a face like that eh Syaoran?" he snickered loudly causing us all to look at her.

"That's right we all know!" She spat but kept her winning smile. "Let's just hope it doesn't get to Meiling." Her tone was threatening and my heart pulsated.

"Get in the car." Eriol barked and threw her in.

Eriol sped off with her in the car and neither Syaoran or I spoke until they completely disappeared.

"Come on. Lets get you cleaned." He said taking my hand and speaking nothing of what was just said…

X x x

"Sakura, it's honestly not that bad."

"She carved up my face." I said sternly and completely frustrated. I was exaggerating. It wasn't that bad. It was a half moon shape under my eye.

"It'll look better when the swelling had gone down and the bruises are gone."

"It's going to leave a mark though." I said meekly touching my sensitive face.

He cupped my face gently as not to hurt me. "I know what you're thinking. And I won't let you do it."

"And what am I suppose to be thinking?"

"Getting revenge on Rika is not worth it. It's exactly what she want you to do Sakura. Please just drop it. Meiling will punish he for it anyway."

I knew Meiling wouldn't. If anything, she'd love a good fight amongst myself and Rika. But I knew Syaoran wanted me to drop it for today.

I looked down, avoiding him.

"Besides," he said with a smirk. "I think it looks sexy." He said reeling me into his arms. I didn't know if he meant it, if I did, I was glad my face wouldn't repulse him. The bruises from Rika's strike wouldn't leave my face very appealing for a while.

I smiled and blushed. There was something I was intending to tell him for a while now, something I was weary about. I didn't know how he would react, but tonight was not the night.

"Come on. I want to take you home." He said picking me up by my waist and kissing me in attempts to forget my woes for tonight.

I'll tell him another time. Even though I was sure he felt the same way as I did.

As we drove back to his apartment I caught glimpses of my face. I knew that if I ever did escape Li and that life I have with it, my wound which would scar would be a constant reminder of this life, of Rika, Meiling…

Maybe Yue was right, maybe I could get out of this world full of hate. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about. _'Its not too late hon'/_

It was a thought that was appealing to me. To be normal again…

As I touched my wound I shook my head to myself. Even in I did escape Li…it would be a world without Syaoran… At the moment, I didn't want that..

I looked over to Syaoran. The scar would also remind me of him, how time after time he was there nursing me secretly through my trouble, being my lover…and my personal hero.

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

"So did Meiling kill Rika? Is that how she die?"

Naoko shook her head and looked down. With her index fingers she pushed her glasses back.

"No, she didn't die that night. Things just went downhill for Rika from there. What happened next took its toll on her."

"What happened next?" I asked on the edge of my seat. I bit my lip. Naoko's storytelling was exciting and I liked how she was unafraid of referring to my mother, unlike Syaoran.

Naoko opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut when a noise sounded from behind us.

We bother whirled our heads to the left and saw Syaoran standing silently observing us. He could have been there for ages listening. I bit my lip and looked at my watch. I was and hour and a half late.

His face was stony, expressionless. He was as intimidating as ever with his six foot frame and black coat.

"I-"

"You're late." He finished for me. He wasn't happy. In fact, I knew him well enough now to know he was controlling his fury.

I looked down.

"Go home. I'll follow you." He said flicking his eyes from me to Naoko.

I stood up feeling sorry for Naoko. To my surprise she had a small smile on her face and seemed un intimidated by Syaoran.

I bowed very slightly to Naoko with gratitude that she told me a little more of my mother and fathers background.

Syaoran didn't look at me as I walked past him. I felt nervous leaving Naoko with him, but there was nothing I could do.

When I looked back he descended onto the seat beside her and they both said nothing but stared at Rika's grave probably thinking back to her tragic death that I have yet to find out…

X x x

"I told you! I just lost track of time!"

"You were gone two and a half hours! How can you just walk off with some stranger?"

"She's not a stranger I knew her already." I argued knowing where he was coming from but being too stubborn to admit it.

"You only knew she was a prostitute Rae you can't just trust someone on bases of that!"

I groaned and knotted my hands into my hair wanting to pull every single strand out with frustration. He had no fate in me. His amber eyes blazed, he was pissed. I hated It when he decided to be all fatherly and over-protective of the daughter be only met recently.

"Well maybe if I wasn't a prisoner here I would have come home! Maybe if you didn't treat me like such a kid-"

"You are a kid! You're fourteen you don't know what it's like out there!" He said flaring his arms out towards the window.

"What did you say to Naoko? You told her never to talk to me didn't you? You made sure she's never say anything to me didn't you!" I screamed. "I'm not a pet you can't just keep me here! Why am I the only person in Tomoeda who has to stay inside?"

"Because not every fucking kid in Tomoeda is in danger of being killed like you are!" He roared matching my tone.

"Maybe if I had normal parents or even _two_ parents I wouldn't have to be careful of someone trying to kill me!" I yelled and stormed off into my room.

I knew that would hurt a little…but I was too pissed to care.

It was a fight that escalated since he got back I learned quickly that we had the same temper easily set off and neither one of us would back down. We were as stubborn as each other.

I would have thrown myself onto the bed but I couldn't…

There was a huge pink box sitting in the middle of my bed. It had a huge baby pink bow planted on top of it. It was overwhelmingly bright and its vivid colour was a stark contrast to the rest of the room. I sat innocently and tempting me. I was almost afraid of it's appeal.

I edged around the bed not knowing what to make of it.

I looked around as if it were a trap, a clever decoy of some sort.

I lifted my finger to stroke the silk texture of the bow. My fingers shook slightly as they lifted up the lid. Nothing jumped out at me.

Inside was what could be described as a girl's heaven. I plucked from the top a yellow dress and there was shoes to match. But that was not all. There was a pile of clothes neatly folded, possibly ten dresses, five pairs of jeans and shoes to go with everything. Make-up and hairbrushes and perfume all customised to suit me.

It radiated femininity.

I stood gobsmacked at this, I didn't even hear the door open. Syaoran stood at the doorframe watching my reaction with a more calmed down reaction.

"Did you…"

"No." He said. "Fanran came her with them. She wanted to give it to you personally but…you weren't here." He didn't say it in a mean way, but in a soft tone that made me understand why he was angry earlier.

I brought my hand to my mouth. The guilt set in. I could imagine Fanran's excitement to deliver this to me, only to be let down because I was with a stranger somewhere.

"Fanran got all of this…for me?" I said unable to process it in my head.

Syaoran nodded.

I sat on the bed with the dress in my hand. Never in my life had I had had things that were so glamorous. I was use to the basic things. I never complained about having basic clothes because in the valley it was what everyone wore.

"You can thank her another time. She adores you so no doubt she'll be back."

I smiled feeling my chest tighten. It was nice…the feeling of being loved by an aunt you only met once.

"I'm sorry. I should have come back." I said meekly. "I really did lose track of time."

"I believe you." He said. "I was worried was all." He said looking away. He never liked to be admit that he did think of me or that he was in touch with his emotions.

"Naoko thinks I look like her." I said trying to convince him that my conversation with Naoko was innocent.

"You do." He said. "There's only one difference." He said staring out the window with his fingers tracing something invisible under his eye. He drifted off into a memory that I didn't know of. He traced a line under his eye and sighed.

"What difference?" I said cocking my head to the side.

He snapped out of his nostalgia. "Your temper. You get that from me." Although that may be true, I'm sure it was my scar less face that distinguished me from my mother.

He slapped his knees, signalling that our argument was behind us. He headed towards the door and I couldn't help it.

"Did you miss Rika when she died?" I said biting my lip.

He stopped in his tracks. He said nothing for a moment before relaxed and sating over his shoulder.

"I did…and I didn't." He hesitated before saying. "I'll tell you the rest tomorrow. I promise."

X x x

**I'm going away for a bit so not sure when the next update will be!**

**Anyway hope you liked it! Reviews are great as always!**

**R&R! **


	16. Dayaki

**I'm baaaack! **

**Lets call this the 'breather chapter' because there's not much drama in this one, just a bit of fluff to break the story up a bit before launching into all the drama and plot again! :P**

**WARNING! there IS a lemon scene in this chapter I'm warning you...Feel free to skip over it though if your not comfortable reading it!**

**Enjoy!**

**x x x**

**Sakura's POV: 17 Years ago**

"Sakura, get up!"

I groaned at Fanran's unnecessary cheerful voice.

I turned over and buried my head under the pillow in attempt to shut her off.

She leaped onto my bed, creasing the covers as she did so. Her hands grabbed my shoulders and she shook my lightly.

"Come on Sakura come ON!" She said with her voice full of some sort of excitement.

"Go away Fanran. It's my day off." I huffed and curled up into a ball.

She ripped the covers from me and I shuddered at the sudden coldness. She stood in front of me fully dressed. Fanran was always awake at the crack of dawn. Even though we were all on a four day holiday she was her ever self. She had her honey hair let down for once and was dressed in jeans and a white shirt. It was rather unusual to see her so…normal.

Fanran could have been a runway model instead of an assassin. With her high cheek bones and almost six foot frame, not to mention her aura radiated femininity.

"I know I know but you have to pick up a parcel for Meiling so pack a bag. It might take two days?"

I shot up which made my head extremely dizzy.

"What? Are you serious? But how come everybody else get the days off?" I pouted and rubbed my head. This was bullshit!

Fanran shrugged but kept the suspicious smile on her face.

"What's so funny?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

Her smile only widened. "Nothing! Just pack, Syaoran will be here in twenty minutes."

"Syaoran's coming"?

"Just pack." She said and ran out giddily.

I slumped back onto the bed and sighed aloud. My finger flew to my face as they did every morning to trace my unmistakable scar. The bruising caused by Rika has gone down and left a half moon shape under my eye.

I blew hot air out of my cheeks and rolled onto my feet to start packing.

I dressed myself in a light blue sweater with jeans. It's been a while since I wore something so casual.

As I walked into the kitchen Fanran shoved a mug of coffee into my hands and pushed me out of the apartment as soon as I downed my breakfast.

"What's the hurry? What am I collecting exactly?" I asked still not full awake.

Naoko sat behind her computer lazily typing with one finger. For once her computer screen wasn't flashing with numbers and codes and data I could never understand, she was looking up online news and scrolling through online fashion magazines. She was so small in her oversized fluffy purple nightgown and puffy slippers to match.

Overall, the atmosphere was chilled and calm. I've never seen it this way. I wished I was staying home with them instead of doing Meiling's dirty work. I cursed Meiling. I could see her now in her office with her cat, Suppi purring malevolently to her left. And to her right I could see her ancient chess table with the figures placed randomly across the board, they were always in that place, like a game that has yet to be finished.

Across from Naoko, Rika looked sideways at me, saying nothing. She has been very quiet these last few days. Her evil looks towards me were still very much in tact but her sly comments had died down to next to nothing. At first, I thought the whole 'Rika taking orders from me' was a joke.

It was very much the opposite. What Meiling says really does go. Every morning Rika is there with a not so pleased look on her face.

"There's files on your desk. Do you need anything?" She's always say in a dead tone that really said, 'don't fucking dare give me an order. Make do with what little I give.'

She was only following protocol. I couldn't believe that in the space of six and a half months Rika was taking orders from me. It was freaky…I almost preferred her the old way. Her apology for marking my face was also half hearted.

'_No hard feelings Sakura?" _She said with the fakest and most un-genuine tone.

'_Don't come near me again'_ was my only reply and I struggled not to give her an identical mark.

'_Oh come on Sakura, it's barely a scratch. Don't be so vein.' _She responded and walked away.

It was amazing how all the hate and venom she unleashed on me was diminished the next day.

Syaoran warned me not to let her tolerance and subdued attitude lead me into a false sense of security. For all I know, behind her quiet and silent stance she could be plotting my death. She's probably imagined killing me over and over again in her head.

Still….The mark on my face was a constant reminded that she would always be a bitter enemy of mine. Reconciliation between us was as likely as me forgiving my mother's murderer.

"Syaoran's here." Fanran noted while peeking through the curtain.

I had a strange feeling about this mission. Why would it take two days to pick something up? Besides, couldn't she send someone else?

I heard two distinct beeps from his car and I rolled my eyes at his lack of politeness. I waved goodbye and headed for the door but Fanran caught me and gave me a tight hug.

"Fanran what-"

"Have fun!" She whispered into my ear giddily.

I looked at Naoko but she shrugged with the same confused expression I had. I scratched my head and mumbled a perplexed thank you before leaving them to have a hell of a better time than I was going to have.

X x x

"So where are we going?" I finally asked him as we zipped down the highway at a speed I'm sure was illegal.

He smirked and made a left turn.

"Why won't anyone answer me? You and Fanran are weird today." I commented and turned my back to him. "What is this package that's so special anyway?"

His smirk only widened. "Sakura…there is no package."

"There isn't? Then where are we going?" I asked in confusion.

"Just this little place I know. You've been stressed lately…I thought I'd take your mind off it."

I sat staring at him wide eyed with my mind trying to comprehend what he just said. Then it clicked and I found myself unable to stop the smile on my own face.

"Syaoran Li…are you taking me on a date?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Call it what you like." He said becoming a little embarrassed. "Don't expect roses and poetry and all that shit."

I pinched his cheek playfully and laughed. "That suits me fine. Does that mean Fanran was in on the whole thing?"

"Yeah but she's not the smoothest at things like that."

I sat back into the seat with a new excitement building in me. Two whole days with Syaoran. No Li, no guns no bullets…just the two of us. I couldn't believe this was a well executed, (well, almost well executed) plot to take me away.

Then a troubling thought entered my head. "What about Meiling? Won't she be suspicious about the two of us disappearing?"

He shook his head. "She's in China on business. Even if she wasn't, she doesn't call upon any of us at this time?"

"Why not?"

"It's my father's anniversary, every year everyone in Li has this time off and we don't carry out normal duties."

His words secured me. My heart actually began to beat faster at the thoughts of something like this…something so _normal…_

X x x

The sea breeze brushed against my face and once again I felt as if life could not get any better than this moment.

I peeked open one eye and saw that his eyes were still shut under the setting sun with his hands behind his head.

If you told me yesterday that I would be spending a romantic day with Syaoran Li in the quiet and charming town of Dayaki soaking up the Autumn sun by the sea well…..I would have laughed outright. His hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back down onto the beach towel beside him. I rolled into his chest and looked across his chest at other couples and their public displays of affection. I felt so….Normal…

Syaoran has never been so relaxed. His normally tense and short temper have for the moment disappeared and left behind with him the essence of the man I fell in love with. The only thing that didn't belong was the gun I knew he was secretly carrying in his back pocket. I guess not _everything _can be normal.

"Why did you pick this place?" I mumbled into his chest.

I felt him shrug as he threw an arm across my shoulder and played with my hair.

"I guess I just really liked the place. I feel like a nobody here…which is a good thing."

I nodded and watched a few children splash in the salty sea and their mothers keeping a close eye on them in case of danger. I had to laugh a little considering Syaoran and I were the most dangerous thing here.

I rolled over onto my stomach and watched the sky turn a warm orange colour.

From the distance I heard high pitched laughter from children. Looking towards the sea I saw them running along shallow water with faces so happy and untroubled by the evils of the world. Two girls and three boys in their colourful swimsuits splashed with a look of innocence I use to have and I'm sure, Syaoran use to have.

I thought of Tomoyo. I thought of how all she ever wanted was children, but she choose Eriol and the life he had for now. As long as Meiling was in power, Tomoyo would never have children. Come to think of it…I wouldn't either. Giving Meilings personal relationship with Syaoran, I'd never be _allowed_ children with him.

I shook my head. It was an absurd thought to even imagine myself and Syaoran ever in that position. I had to mentally laugh. As if that would ever happen.

Me…and Syaoran…with a child…Yeah right. Anyway, I couldn't see him as being the fatherly type.

"Are you ok?" He asked after I was quiet for some time.

"For the last time, I'm better than ok." I said planting a small kiss onto his lips. His arms embraced me, pulling me into him to remind me he cared.

"Lets go for a walk." He whispered into my cheek.

He took me through the most beautiful sights of the town. Our fingers intertwined into an unbreakable knot the whole time not parting once. We strolled through a flea market, through quiet parks until we approached a bridge. It was old but huge and boasted Romanesque architecture. There were only a few souls on the bridge and they quickly disappeared as the sun began to set giving centre stage to the moon.

We leaned over the bridge to stare down at the water that flowed thirty feet below us.

"Why do you look so worried all the time?" He asked from behind me, wrapping his arms around me. "Even when we're here away from Rika, away from Meiling, I can't make you smile anymore."

"I'm sorry, I'm just thinking about Toya a lot recently. Meiling seems to be doing nothing about it. I just want to know where he is."

His head tipped foreword onto the back of my head and I felt him nod.

"I promise we'll find him. I'm sure he's safe. But just until we get back, lets not think about any of that. I don't know when we'll ever get time like this again."

I understood. He was right. This was obviously planning this for a while, and here I was moping about something I couldn't fix. But he doesn't know my brother. Toya could never take care of himself. There's no way he could survive on his own.

"You're right… I'm sorry." I said leaning my head back to him.

We both got absorbed into our tranquil surroundings. For once there was no looking behind us, no secret meetings and privacy. We could be open here. We could openly express how we felt for each other without shame of a need to hide it. There was something about this bridge.

"My mother use to bring me here." He said.

I was quite surprised. Syaoran, as secretive as he was would normally never tell me about his family or his past. He didn't like to talk about it.

"So…that's why we came here?"

"Not especially…This bridge, I don't know… I just feel separate from Li here."

"I get what you mean." I said genuinely. This place was so calming, even Meiling would have to take a moment for this.

"Syaoran." I said looping around in his arms and raising an eyebrow at him. "You've never brought any other girl here have you? I mean…am I the only one?"

He began to laugh loudly. "Would you be jealous if I did?"

"I believe angry would be a better word."

His golden smile returned. How can anyone have such a perfect face like he did? His hair was so perfectly wild and his eyes, I could stare into for days…surely there was someone else before Meiling…there had to be. I was nothing special looks-wise. At least…I didn't think I was anyway.

"Only you Sakura…that's all there will be. Dayaki is our place and no one else's"

Even after all this time he could make me blush. His arms looped around my waist and pulled me in roughly.

"No…this is our place, our place only." His kiss deepened and even if other people were around I would not have been embarrassed by the passion expressed on this bridge.

I was waiting for a moment like this for so long…trying to find a moment as perfect as this and here it was. It would never get better than this. So why couldn't I tell him? Was it fear of rejection? Humiliation? What if I scared him away?

Maybe he doesn't need to know yet…maybe it was best left unsaid. But my heart wrestled with my brain and was winning.

"Syaoran," I said interrupting the kiss.

He pulled away and when his amber eyes stared into mine I felt my lip quiver. I was beginning to lose my nerve.

"I….eh I…." I stuttered and looked down.

"You what?" He asked cupping my face with one hand.

"Nothing…"

"Doesn't sound like nothing. You can tell me Sakura. Just say it." He said leaning back onto the bridge. His strikingly good looks were making this all the more difficult. I felt myself become reclusive.

"I'm afraid." I mumbled into his chest.

"What are you afraid of?" He said peering down at me, unknowingly making me feel small.

"…In case you won't like what I have to say…It might ruin the whole trip and…us."

He knitted his eyebrows together and cocked his head to the side.

"I guess you better say it now that it's brought up. You've obviously been thinking about it for a while."

I bit my lip and looked up and the sky. It's ridiculous! I mean…maybe he feels the same, maybe there's no need to tell him…I don't know. His stare made me tremble. I felt chills up my spine.

I thanked God for the soulless bridge.

"Syaoran I….I….I love you." I said and when the words left my mouth I held my breath as my heart stopped beating.

The words were out now. He knew and I couldn't retract it.

I looked up at his reaction….it was not what I was hoping for. His hands froze at my waist and his eyes expanded about an inch. Suddenly I began to shake harder than my encounter with Rika. I knew it was a mistake to say. He obviously doesn't feel that strongly, shit!

"Um, never mind. Forget that just forget what I just said! Let's go back to the hotel I'm hungry anyway-"

"Sakura." He said commanding my attention.

I was about two feet from him and I couldn't look at him. Humiliation and embarrassment hit me hard.

"I'm sorry its' just…"

"You don't feel the same I get it I just told you because…because I…well I just thought you should know so forget about it."

"No Sakura you don't understand." He grabbed my hand refusing me to flee from this mortifying situation. "It's just well…nobody has ever told me they loved me before…I didn't think anyone even could." Now he was the one looking away embarrassed. It was like a confession and my heart truly bled for him.

Syaoran hated to talk like this, to sound as if he were human. This must be difficult for him to speak what he feels without him feeling like his manliness decreasing.

How could he think he was unlovable?

"You shouldn't love me Sakura, you don't know what I've done in the past."

"I don't care Syaoran." I said feeling brave. "What you've done in the past is the past. I don't care about that. Meiling might make you do things, kill people but you're not a monster she makes you think you are. Neither of us are perfect but…I guess that's why I love you."

A sad expression took hold of his face. It was as if I shook his world.

"Maybe you don't feel the same way about me. And I guess I'm ok with that but…I care about you a lot. Whatever you've done in the past is over with because I don't care. And even if we weren't together like this…I'd still care about you." I confessed but I thought he knew that anyway.

"Sakura," He said reeling me closed, giving me confidence with every step I took. "I'll never understand how you can love me, but loving you…I've felt this way for a while too."

My cheeks flushed red and my heart punched so hard against my ribcage I thought it would break free to join his.

"So…you…."

"I love you too Sakura." He said this with determination.

Never did I think Syaoran Li would utter those words. Syaoran Li, the best assassin in Tomoeda, a man who would put his reputation before his feelings…told me he loved me…

Happiness could be defined as this moment for me. And as he took my hand and led me away from the bridge I truly wished we could have stayed in Dayaki forever…

Whatever his past was, no matter how terrible…I didn't care…It hasn't made a monster out of him.

X x x

I just about caught my breath when his lips came crushing down on mine.

Barely clothed and hearts racing my hands weaved themselves into his hair as I felt his hot skin press against my naked body. The familiar feelings of arousal had returned only this time there would be no interruption from Meiling.

After so long of teasing and tasting each other we felt ourselves giving in. This was it. His hands were so rough on me and mine were to his. The bulge in his pants made me excited and as he peeled every last layer of clothing off me I became more excited. It didn't matter that our hotel room was small and confined with the double bed as the centre piece, our focus wasn't on that.

He wasn't as cautious or hesitant as last time. He wanted me. The look in his eye told me he was going to have me…tonight. That alone sent my pulse racing.

He teased every part of me and I moaned underneath him. The hotel bed squeaked as he grinded me into the mattress. His fingers, which returned to teasing my entrance made me moan loud and unashamed like last time. His fingers moved with a painfully slow and teasing pace inside me.

My fingers locked into his hair not even caring if hurt him. Kissing me everywhere he continued to whisper my name making me wet.

"Syaoran…oh…yeah…don't stop…"

I was not nervous anymore, in fact I was so much more ready now then I was last time. Telling him I loved him, and to be loved in return, this was the gradual step foreword. I felt his erection against me and we couldn't hold it anymore.

His sexy groans of pleasure grew louder as my hand played inside his boxers, my fingers stroking his hardness. He didn't even have to tell me that we were about to go all the way. My breathy moans let him know.

Again like before I braced myself by burying my fingers into his back and holding my breath sharply.

"I'll go slow." He assured me kissing my forehead and lowering himself to my entrance. All I could do was look at the ceiling and if it would give me pointers or words of encouragement but it only stared back at me blankly.

As he entered me the pain was worse than I imagined. The contrast to the pleasure we were feeling compared to this was astonishing. My fingers dug holes into his back. I bit my lips so hard I thought I would split it. The pain only intensified the deeper he went into me.

It hurt so much I would have told him to stop only my voice was caught in my throat. I blinked away tears as he kissed every part of my face apologising for the pain of loosing my virginity. I got use to it quickly and gave him confidence to move.

At first his in and out motions felt strange, I couldn't distinguish if it were good or bad until finally a weird but good sensation took hold.

"Aaahhh…" I breathed not in pain, but at the beginnings of pleasure.

His hips buckled slowly and his manly groans got louder in my ear. I hissed every now and again at the tightness of it all. Then, as I relaxed myself, it felt very different.

Fuck…it was good…

Never had I imagined I could feel this much pleasure. Suddenly my body began doing its own movements, thriving towards this good feeling inside me, seeking more. My hips moved towards his and I arched my back trying to get more of this sensation pulsating through my body.

"Oh yeah…oh yeah…" I yelled not caring that the walls were paper thin. "Harder Syaoran…faster…" I said finally finding words to encourage.

This pleased his as he slammed into me, both hurting and pleasing me at the same time. My hands didn't know where to touch. They travelled from his toned chest to his hair to his shoulders. Oh…it was so good.

"Oh fuck!" He moaned followed by shouting my name. "Oh fuck Sakura!"

Beneath us the bed squeaked so ferociously I thought it would cave under the heat of our wild passion. The heat from his member drove me over the edge. I reached back and grabbed the gold bars of the top of bed just to keep stationary and able to withstand his strong thrusts.

"Oh faster Syaoran, oh…yeah faster."

"Sakura... yeah...aaahhhh YES!"

My legs wrapped tightly around his waist and I bury my head into his chest loving his scent his feel…everything.

We were coming to our peak now. The feeling of ecstasy becoming closer and closer. My back arched and even though I was getting tired my body refused to stop it's motions.

"oh….oh fuck I-I..i'm gonna cu-"

My words were both cut and muffled by the pleasure-filled scream that escaped my throat. I came first and fell back onto the covers. Syaoran approached his peak, pounding almost animalistic into my now sensitive area so hard I thought I he was trying to go through me. He came inside me when he climaxed, followed my small gentle thrusts until he became limp.

"Sakura…ah…"

I felt him shudder as he de-climaxed. His body went numb and slumped on top of me. My arms wrapped around his neck pulling him into my warm chest. His heavy breathing ticked my neck. I never wanted him to leave me now.

The aftermath left us both sensitive. He rolled over onto his back leaving a small distance between us. We panted and allowed cold air to cool us down.

After a moment I rolled over to him. His body was still warm.

I felt all tingly in his embrace. Words didn't have to be said. It was good and we both knew it. Even though until now I was a virgin, I knew Syaoran would be a hard lover to beat.

"Syaoran." I said softly in contrast to our screaming voices.

"Yeah." He breathed into my scalp.

"… Do you think…we'll ever be normal?" I asked wondering what his opinion on it would be.

His face pondered under the violet glow of the room. "What do you mean?"

"I mean this…Dayaki. When we go back to Tomoeda, everything's going to go back to how it was. Us sneaking around, people getting more suspicious. Do you think a day is going to come where we can be as open as this when we want to?"

My tone become worried. I didn't want to bring a dark cloud over this moment of intimacy. I couldn't help it. All of a sudden I was expressing the same fears as Tomoyo was, I didn't want Syaoran and I to become what they were.

His arm tightened around me.

"There will come a day, when Meiling's hold on all of us will end. We can be like this…eventually." His tone was confident, but I didn't know if that was true or not.

"I'm sure that's what Eriol told Tomoyo…I could never live the way she does Syaoran, I won't."

"You won't. Meiling's reign will come to an end." He repeated.

Syaoran, more than anyone would love to see Meiling replaced. Often I've asked him to take his rightful place, but he denies it. I don't blame him though, Li, Clow and other organizations, they were not gangs that the great Xiao Lang Li ruled.

Now it was organizations who ran everything, filled with corruptions and deceiving. Not Syaoran's style. For now, Meiling will have to wait.

I could have let the situation drop. But I didn't. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Will you promise me something?" I asked not looking at him because I was afraid of his reaction.

"Anything." He said sitting behind me, his chest against my back and his lips on my shoulder.

"…Please don't sleep with her again…It would kill me…" I hugged my knees even harder hating how I was sounding. I knew what he did was for everyone's sake even though it degraded him. But if he shared a night with her like he did with me…then the love he gave to me would mean nothing to me.

I lay awake the nights I'm not with him and toss and turn wondering if he was with her, pleasing her, loving her… It was a silly thought but… It drove me crazy.

He remained silent for a moment and I breathed I sigh of relief.

"I promise. I won't touch her again, ever." His arms hugged my back into his chest.

I hope he meant it. I really did. He told me he loved me. He warned me of his nature and his past but I choose to love him anyway. I pray to God he won't let me down.

We fell back onto the bed. He was almost asleep when my ever restless mind decided it was not finished with him.

"Syaoran?"

"What?" He replied not opening his eyes.

"…You're not hiding anything from me are you?" I asked.

I couldn't help it. There was a part to Syaoran that was always closed off to me, hiding away. Maybe it had something to do with his past…maybe I was imagining it. It was this annoying sixth sense of mine that would not bury the fact that Syaoran might be hiding something from me.

It might not even have anything to do with me at all.

He left a pregnant pause…

"Go to sleep Sakura." He said meekly.

Maybe it was fatigue after sex, or maybe it wasn't but I decided to leave it for now.

"Ok then," I yawned. "But when it comes to you Syaoran, secrets are always revealing themselves, it's just a matter of waiting…"

X x x

I could have slept the whole day away if I weren't softly woken up by Syaoran.

I grumbled and rolled over naked under the sheets. I heard a low chuckle from him and felt the back of his fingers stroke my back and his lips kissed my back. His skin felt so soft against mine. The light from outside was so blinding and pierced through the thin shabby curtains. Outside there was a cluster of voices, laughter and cheering.

"Come on, we have to go."

I sank my head further into the pillow. I didn't want to leave here.

His forehead nudged my shoulder and I admitted defeat. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I shuddered at the coldness of the wooden floor in contrast to the sweltering heat of the room. Syaoran was quick to put on the rest of his clothes however my body refused to work at his pace.

He buckled his belt and stretched revealing his toned body, the body of a God I might add.

"I don't want to leave either." He said with a sympathetically smile and sank my t-shirt onto my head. "But we have to."

"I know." I sighed leaning my head into his shoulder. "Will we ever come back?"

His arms wrapped around m shoulder. "Yes. We'll come back." He promised and sealed it with a kiss.

We checked out of the hotel at three and when we stepped out into the heat the humidity was hard to take in. We didn't hold hands because in the open, Syaoran wasn't a fan of PDA in crowds. Again the streets were filled with tourists and street performers.

We took a short cut through an alley where the outside sounds were muffled.

I was in the middle of deep thought when I saw him…

It startled me so much that my bags slipped from my numb fingertips. My feet froze to the ground and my breath caught. It was just a moment, but…it couldn't be him. I shook my head to myself, causing Syaoran to worry.

"What is it?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

I could feel my eyes expand. But it just couldn't be…

My feet took action and walked foreword towards the end of the alley. Through the bustling streets I scanned every face but was just that just clarified was that my mind imagined it. I heard Syaoran come up behind me.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Sorry I just thought I saw…." I trailed off.

I wasn't imagining it. There he was. Standing as if he were meant to be a God, as if he were worthy of life at all. He stood tall and arrogant in his black suit sharply tailored to him. His light brown hair was slicked back from his face so I could see his hateful face. He stood by a black limo talking into his cell phone.

My father.

The happiness I felt in the last few days with Syaoran was beginning to disappear and be replaced by utter hatred and resentment. How dare he stand like he is worthy. My blood began to boil. His slimy face was hidden behind black sunglasses but I could spot that ratty smile anywhere.

I hate him. My mother's murderer, the reason I am with Li…

Syaoran saw him then and I saw his muscle tense and his jaw locked.

I took a quick step foreword only to have Syaoran stop me.

"Let me go Syaoran, he's right there I'm not going to just let him away! Let go!" I said loosing my temper.

His grip around my arm didn't loosen at all. He averted his stare to the ground. I've seen that look before. I never understood what it meant. He became unreadable, I hated when he was like this.

"Syaoran let go!" I began to struggle against him, beating his chest with my fists.. Meanwhile Fujitaka hung up his phone and it was looking like he was beginning to depart.

"Not here Sakura, you'll cause a scene. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves." Syaoran said into my ear and reeled me back into the alley.

"What are you saying? He killed my mother! Nadeshiko, you trainer! And you're afraid we'll cause a scene!" I said appalled.

Why was he stopping me? How could he hesitate for a second when only a short distance away Fujitaka stood? It was the most perfect moment for my vengeance. The only reason I agree to kill, to murder for Li, was that I in return would avenge my mothers murder.

Who was Syaoran to deny me that?

"Not today Sakura. I promise you, you will have revenge on your mother's murderer." He tried to calm me down.

People flocked the narrow streets of this tiny town. Even if Syaoran agreed to let me go…there was a risk someone

"You're right." I said in a monotone voice.

Syaoran breathed a sigh of relief and took my hand to lead me away from the alley.

I didn't care about anyone else…I wanted vengeance. With one swift motion my hand swiped the gun from his pocket and I bolted from him before he could react.

I pushed and shoved man, woman and child out of my way. My eyes were on him. Under the unbearable heat I ran faster and faster. I was close, so close, it would be over in seconds…

I felt an arms loop around my waist and pull me back so roughly I felt the wind gush out of me. Even though I struggled against him It proved almost useless, Syaoran was determined we kept a low profile.

Fujitaka hadn't noticed us yet in our struggle, he remained calm sensing no danger which angered me more. People were beginning to stop and staring now, noticing Syaoran and my unusual actions.

"Syaoran let go!"

"Not now Sakura you'll regret it!"

"Fujitaka!" I roared so loud heads began to swerve my way.

Fujitaka stood astonished and baffled not knowing where the source of his name came from. His hand slowly plucked his sunglasses from his face.

At first, he squinted his pale green eyes not knowing why his name was called. But when he saw me, every muscle in his body froze. I saw him waver, as if I were a ghost that should have been long dead. His foot staggered backwards as his eyes expanded not knowing how to act against his daughter.

I could waste no time. In my head his death was suppose to be a slow and painful one, one in which would be too gruesome even for Meiling to witness. This was showing him mercy. But when would I get another chance? It had to be now.

Despite Syaoran's strength against my one I managed to aim. I felt a second of silence to collect my thoughts, I can't miss…this was for my mother…

BANG!

Mother's grabbed their children to take them to shelter, pedestrians fled in every direction to escape the source of the shot gun, pandemonium erupted in the tiny town.

But I missed….

Fujitaka scanned his body and found no bullet wound, no flesh scarred…I missed.

A bodyguard lunged for him and dragged him away from the scene into the limo.

"Stop!" I screamed and lunged after them with Syaoran right at my heel trying to stop me. Just before Fujitaka disappeared into the limo there was a second of bafflement. Our eyes locked intensely. I returned a cold stare, sending a hundred messages, emotions and above all hate…

From his blank stare, he does something strange and infuriating…he smirked. Not the charming smirk Syaoran offers me now and again, Fujitaka's was one of victory. He thinks he's won, he thinks it's over….that bastard.

Before the door shuts completely his sickening smirk becomes a laugh at my expense. I felt my stomach twist, my breathing became hiccupped… I hated him.

I came back to reality as the car sped off.

I can't let him go…I couldn't.

BANG, BANG!

The limo skidded and drifted around the corner but managed to make a messy getaway. My gun makes an empty noise, signalling the bullets are gone…

I felt a rough tug at my hand as Syaoran dragged me away like a rag doll out of the streets. There was so much panic nobody even thought to follow or stop us. My heart pounded unable to process it all. I couldn't believe what just happened.

"What the fuck did you just do! There were _people_ out there Sakura. You could have hurt them!"

"No why did you stop me! I could have got him I could have!"

"Not here Sakura when other lives are at stake-"

"You don't get it Syaoran!" I screamed feeling tears break through. My voice cracked. A wave of emotion struck me so hard I thought it would knock me unconscious.

"You'll never understand how much I hate him! You will NEVER understand."

"I know you hate him Sakura but-"

"No you don't Syaoran! You didn't see what he did to us! To me and Toya, to my mother when she was alive. You never lived with a monster like him so don't tell me you understand! It's not just killing my mother I hate him for, it goes beyond that and he can't get away with it!"

"Sakura." He said gently placing his hands on my trembling shoulders. "You're right, I'll never understand what you've been through. But I promise, you will avenge your mother."

"It's not good enough!" I was trying to stay strong. "He was smirking and I-I-I just-"

He pulled me into his arms to nurse me rambling. I was so enraged I couldn't even begin to tell him how I felt.

"Don't let him make you cry, it's exactly what he wants." He soothed into my ear.

Why can't I hole it together? Why was I so weak? How could I hesitate… he was right there. He could be stone cold dead by now. I've killed so many by now how is it when it came to Fujitaka I become weak?

These weren't tears of sorrow but tears of pure rage and anger. My mother would be so disappointed in me, how could I have missed.

Syaoran managed to calm me down enough to get me into the car and speed away from the scene. I felt so numb. Despite what Syaoran says, he'll never know what Fujitaka was like as a father. He tainted my childhood as well as my brothers in fact, he's the reason I'm separated from Toya, my only family I count at the moment.

I glance back at Dayaki as it became a spot in the distance barely recognisable. Somehow I managed to smile meekly…for the most part…Dayaki would remain host to at least most of my good memories…

I thought of the children on he beach, how lucky they were they did not have a childhood un-spoiled and un-tainted by the evils of their parents…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

"It's so pretty." She commented as she closed her eyes to inhale the salty air.

I had to agree…after all these years Dayaki was still the same. The lazy towns had not changed a bit since Sakura and I came here. Rae leaned slightly over the bridge to peer down at the sea. Her lips parted at the huge drop below us.

With the clothes Fanran bought her she looked a lot more feminine and was not mistaken for a boy anymore. I don't know what the sudden urge to come here was. For the first time in a long time the sun was not shy to show itself.

At first I was nervous taking Rae out of her familiar yet loathsome surroundings of the apartment, Until I saw the Dayaki shore I was skittish. Not only that, I didn't know what to do with her. She was a fourteen year old girl but as it turns out she was perfectly content with anything. I took her to the beach and all the other places I took her mother, which suited her fine.

"So why here?" She said looking back at me with her scar-less face.

The wind blew the hair back from her face. Her resemblance to Sakura was obviously there, but as I got to know her more and more her appearance weren't as important. I began to recognise her by her personality and not by her astonishing appearance.

I shrugged. "My mother use to take me here years ago, and I took your mother, now I'm taking you."

She smiled liking that I was being more open. I wasn't exactly pouring out everything but it was these little things she that was building our relationship. They seem to shut her up for the time being anyway.

She leaned her head against the barrier and sighed. "It's a shame we have to leave soon." She said regretfully.

"I know, but I'll take you back soon, we'll stay for longer then." I promised.

I honestly did regret our stay being so short. The excitement on her face when I rented the car was warming. She packed her small peach suitcase Fanran bought her. With all the clothes she had she still stuffed that grey hoodie in with everything, I guess she's always have some tomboy in her. We were only gone for the day, you'd think with all her packing it was for a week.

When we reached the quaint little town she could barely contain her excitement. It was a place to blow of steam, similar to when I took Sakura here.

I liked when Rae was happy like this. It felt nice to see her smile. I never imagined after Sakura that I would feel good to make someone else happy besides myself. If I could, I'd make Rae this happy everyday, but my fucked up past won't allow that for the mean time.

I guess it was this fatherly feeling inside me. I didn't want it ever at the beginning and I never thought I would want it.

I couldn't ignore it anymore…I wanted to keep her.

Of course I always wanted her safe, initially because she was Sakura's daughter, not because she was a blood relative to me. In the back of my mind I was always thinking of ways to evacuate her from my hellish life and bring her back to normality.

But…I don't want to give her away anymore. Having a daughter was never something I was born to do. It never would fit my lifestyle. Even if my life was normal, I don't think I'd ever want to take on the responsibilities of a child.

But…when it came to Rae…I'd do it…I'd do it all if it would make her happy.

"What are you thinking of?" She asked with her head resting on her shoulder.

"Nothing I guess." I said snapping out of deep thoughts.

She looked back out and my hand dug into my trench coat pocket in search of something. Once located, I brought it out. Its paper thin structure was so delicate, warred down over the years and just bigger than a stamp.

I breathed hot air our of my cheeks and looked at Rae.

It was a gesture, nothing big, but it was something.

"Here," I said handing it to her cautious of her reaction.

She snapped out of her dream-like state and her eyes fell onto it. She didn't move at first but observed it. Then her small fingers carefully took it from my hand and cradled in hers. Her face came into slight shock as she held it in front of her. He amber eyes flickered across it.

"Is this…her?"

I nodded and looked down at the small picture of Sakura…my Sakura. It was always my favourite picture of her. She wasn't looking at the camera but off to the right. Her short brown hair was whipped of one side of her face showing her small, delicate face. Her face had a hint of the subtlest smile that always made me sorrowful. Her skin was flawless and smooth as a pearl and her scar gave away a story of pain and hardship.

What I'd give to see her like that again.

"She's beautiful." Rae breathed and ran a finger across the black and white photo. Tomoyo never liked colour photos, she always claimed black and white show our true selves. I agreed with that.

"She's just like you."

Rae kept her mouth agape. It was like she finally realised what everybody meant by her resemblance to her mother. Rae bit her lip, I could always tell when she got emotional.

"Can I keep it?"

I nodded. She breathed in lightly. It was surreal. Bringing Sakura here seemed like a day ago and not sixteen and a half years ago, not here I am…with my daughter.

"Thanks dad…"

Suddenly the atmosphere became tense with that one word. It was like dropped a tray of dishes and it was echoing in my ear.

She must have realised it as soon as the words left her mouth. Her eyes bulged realising how much she saw our relationship progressing. Her fingers fluttered t her mouth.

Dad…she called me _dad_…I didn't know how to feel at that moment.

"I'm sorry…it just came out…" She stuttered.

I said nothing for a second but let the word sink in. She see's our relationship as this strong…enough to call me dad…a guardian, someone to look up to or even…admire.

"It's ok…I can get use to it." I said honestly meaning it.

I didn't know if our relationship reached that point yet, but for her it did. As long as she was happy with it and I could protect her like a father protects his daughter, then I guess I didn't mind.

"Come on, we've a long trip home." I said softly not to shake her.

Her toothy smile re-established the atmosphere. I guess I was her dad. It would take a while to get my head around that one…Funny…a few months ago if any child called me that I would have panicked, pushed her away and forced myself to become the fearsome stranger like she fist saw in me.

As we walked across Dayaki bridge I thought back to Sakura. This place, Dayaki was always kind to me. Many a time I visited here by myself with memories of Sakura, seeking refuge of my pathetic life.

Rae kicked a stone and resumed talking un-bothered by the escalation our relationship was taking. We had a long way to go yet before I could fully let her in. She still didn't know the real me, my sins, my un-lovable and un-fatherly side.

But at the moment there was no reason to bring such grim memories back.

I glanced back at the bridge then down at her. If Sakura could see me now…

X x x

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Like I said this chapters just a break before I go back to all the Mayhem in Tomoeda!**

**If I stick to my own plot and not over-complicate it for myself, the next chapter will involve more on Rikas death, Sakura (Present Day), Sakua/Yue relations and of course Rae/Syaoran!**

**Again, loving all the reviews especially when you comment on what you liked in the chapter!**

**Sorry again this chapter is a bit fluffy, a lot more to be expected in the next one!**

**R&R!**


	17. Burn Baby Burn

**Another Chapter yaaay!**

**Enjoy!**

**Sakura's POV: **

_Flashback_

Again, he strikes her across the face.

She stumbled back until her body hits off the worktop. She placed her hand on her cheek where she received the blow. Inside I felt my heart swell and I crouched further back behind the door.

She could hit back if she wanted to. She has both the strength and agility to retaliate, but she won't do it. She will just stand there like she always does and try to withstand it. I don't know why she takes it in silence.

He stood in front of her, his hand is still a fist that threatens to do more harm. His face is twisted with anger towards her. He never showed her any other expression. He never smiled, only snarled and snickered when she was in pain.

"If I find out you're lying Nadeshiko, next time I won't be so easy on you." He snarled and dusted off his suit.

I can feel my eyes well up because I simply can't stand to see my mother be treated like this. Being a child of seven I knew I shouldn't have witnessed the amount of domestic abuse I have.

My mother just nods and says nothing. She looks him in the eye though. She is unafraid. Though she will not strike back, she knows she can. My mother will show no fear, just obedience. Her face which would resemble a goddess now had a raw red mark on her cheek.

I cry for her, as I always do. Why does he do this to her? Why does he hate her so much? If they are married, shouldn't he love her?

I pulled my knees towards my chest. My heart flies to my throat and all I want to do is run towards her. But I won't because of him, because I know he'll turn on me. He always turns onto me. I looked down at my wrist. There is a red ring around it from when he dragged me down the stairs and hit me many times for being disobedient..

"I don't think you can talk about loyalty Fujitaka." My mother responded and my eyes expand.

Never does my mother talk back to him, she never responds to him like that. My own heart went out to her. I felt a presence behind me. I turned around and my brother Toya peers down at me with his face as pale as snow. He must have been listening. His face reflected mine, a face of a sad childhood. Neither of us wanted to witness this yet we did because we couldn't understand it.

He grabbed my arm. He doesn't want me to see this, or maybe he's just being cowardly.

My head whirled around and I saw my father lunge towards my mother with intentions to hurt her.

"Don't!" I found myself screaming.

As soon as it was said Toya slapped a hand over my mouth. The whole room goes dead silent. My father stop[ed mid-lunge. My mother stood frozen in shock because she knows what I just did. My father's eyes blazed that I dared to utter a syllable.

No one said anything.

Then his feet pivoted towards me. Despite my mother's cries and protests Fujitaka directs his attention towards me and charges.

_End of Flashback_

I shoot up out of my bed.

My breathing is uncontrollable and my heart was beating so fast and hard I could feel it pulsate in my head. My fingers gripped the covers and I swung my legs over the bed to touch the cold floor.

It's just a dream, it's just a dream…just a dream.

Syaoran woke up disorientated and turned on the light. I barely notice him, I can't focus.

"Sakura what's wrong?" He asked in a panic and moved beside me.

I can't reply. My voice is caught in my throat. I wiped my fringe from my eyes. I was covered in my own sweat.

"Bad dream again?" He asked pulling me into him.

I curled into him with my breathing uncontrolled. What could I say? How could I tell him that the last few night I keep thinking about Fujitaka. I can't sleep because he's haunting me. It was always the same dreams. I looked down at my wrist. The marks from my fathers violent nature are long gone. But mentally I knew I was damaged.

I wasn't free of him completely.

It wasn't just a bad dream, it was a nightmare. It was…my childhood. My awful childhood which I repress to the far corners of my mind because there was rarely a happy moment, just a series of fear-filled moments and confusion.

"Try and sleep Sakura." He said trying to sooth me. His hair is dishevelled and I knew he was tired. I've been staying with him for the last few nights. Since seeing my father in Dayaki, I find I can't sleep alone. It is a silly thought. I wasn't a child anymore, I could protect myself now from Fujitaka yet…I was still so afraid.

I felt awful keeping him awake like this. But I felt safe with him. Waking up alone is so uncomforting.

He rubbed my arm soothingly but he doesn't understand. He can only empathise.

"I could have stopped it all. I was so close… but I didn't." I mumbled.

I was in a daze and just saying what was on my mind. I didn't mean to tell him that and open up conversation. I didn't want to remember any other horrible childhood memories.

"What do you mean you could have stopped it?" Syaoran asked.

I threw my head into my hands. It was too painful to think about. The hatred of my father ran through my veins and lusted for revenge. But I could have stopped it happening years and years ago. It could have all been prevented. My mother could still be alive, my brother could still be with me, but I didn't stop it…

_Flashback_

My heart pounds as I come nearer to his office.

The night is throws its darkest shade of black and I am enveloped into the darkness. Barefoot and shaking I tremble as I come closer. My tiny hand grips the kitchen knife tighter and my other hand stretches out further to guide me through the dark, malevolent hall.

The dim light of his office guides me.

I stood at the doorframe, my right cheek is swollen from when he struck me earlier. My lip is split and sore to touch. My mother received the worse of it though. He took most of my defiance out on her.

_Damn it Nadeshiko you made me hit her! If you raised her to be right I wouldn't touch her but you made her like that!_

It was his usual manner to blame my mother on my flaws. He never took blame for anything and never contributed to raising me.

I hate him. It was always fear I had for him, but now it was something more. It was fear and hate. I wanted him to die. I wanted him to never lay a finger on my mother ever again. There was only one way to ensure that.

I am not brave like my mother. I am only acting out of pure fear and hatred. I didn't think it through. I just grabbed the knife and here I was.

He sat in his leather chair with his back next to me. All I could see was the top of his head poking over the chair. The blade winked in the light.

I hesitate. I don't know how to do this. I'm….afraid.

My fingers went numb and the knife slips out of my hand and stabs the floor. My father slammed his book and whirled around. I scattered to retrieve the knife and held it tightly not knowing what to do with it.

His stare went from me to the knife and back to me. I trembled under his glare as a chill ran up my spine. I wish my mother was here. Why didn't I stay away from him? Why am I here? I can't breath normally anymore. My tiny hands shake, I cant so this.

He knew why I was here now. His eyes grew a dark shade of green. His jaw locked and he threw the book back onto his desk. I thought he would charge at me again, strike me until I was unconscious. I imagined all sorts of horrors.

But he didn't. He sat perfectly still unfazed by me in the slightest.

He crossed is legs and clasped his hands together. For the first time ever I saw him smirk that evil and vindictive way. His relaxed manner only added to my trembling fear.

"If you're going to carry that around child, you better know how to use it." He said in a low voice that gave me chills.

I stood there not knowing what to do. He stood up suddenly, towering over me. My hand rose in a stabbing motion I froze with the knife still in my hand.

"Do it." He challenged. "Or are you pathetic like your mother?"

I went for him in blind anger. He caught my hand well on time and roughly took the knife from me. My legs became numb as his hands grabbed my wrists.

"I should have beaten you harder. Your mother protected you from that. I'll teach you some fucking manners yon grateful child." He spat and dragged my through the hall.

He ignored every one of my screams. Our mansion was so big I doubt my mother or Toya could hear me on the other side. I twisted and pulled but his grip remained strong and hurt my delicate skin.

"Stop!" I roared through tears but he would not listen.

He threw me onto the floor and before I could stand up he kicked my stomach and completely winded me. I cried so much but he just laughed at me getting a personal kick out of my pain. I hated him. I hate how he can do this to me. I curled into a ball.

It hurt…it hurt so much I could not breath in or out. As I lay on my side I felt tears trickle from one eye to another.

I couldn't breath…my inside hurt.

"You want to kill me huh? I'll teach you a lesson." he growled and pulled me into my feet.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me forward. I whimpered as we came to a halt. He opened the closet door. Inside was packed with cleaning supplies that our maid used. The closet was tiny, not even enough room to walk in.

He shoved me in and I hit the wall. I whirled around and he stood in the way not permitting me to pass. I pressed my back into the wall wanting to disappear into it.

"You were a mistake you know." He snarled. "I already had a son, why would I want you? But your mother wouldn't get rid of you. You're just lucky I put up with you."

His hand reached down to grab my jumper and pull me in. Our faces were inches from each other. I saw the veins in his eyes, the intense glare behind his glasses. His face which sickeningly resembled mine would always haunt me.

"If you ever cross me again child. I'll beat you like I beat your mother." He threatened.

I knew he meant every word of it. He would hurt me, he has no mercy.

With that he threw me back and slammed the closet door shut. Two seconds later I heard a 'click'. My heart beat quickened as his footsteps faded away. I couldn't move. The door was half an inch in front of me and the wall was pressed against my back. There was nowhere to go.

With a shaky hand I tried the door but to my horror, he locked it.

I felt so claustrophobic. I couldn't move. I couldn't even sit down because there was no space. I waited for someone to return for me, but they didn't.

For six hours I stood in the closet. Unable to budge, unable to sleep. My feet ached with a pain I never experienced before. I cried over and over again. It was so cold. I didn't dare scream, I was afraid he'd come back for me. My eye began to swell where he struck me and a few hours later it became a dark purple bruise.

All I could do was think, stew in my own hatred of him. He has molested my childhood. Tainted my memories with domestic abuse and hatred.

I whimpered and watched the sliver of light under the door become brighter and brighter signalling morning had come.

Finally, I heard footsteps approach the closet. When the door opened I collapsed into my mothers arms. I could no longer feel my legs. She held me tight and her motherly scent was something I never thought I would ever smell again. She didn't need me to explain what happened. It was obvious. She stroked my hair as I lay limp in her arms.

I had to ask her.

"Why do you let him hurt you? And us?" I asked.

She had no immediate answer.

"Mommy never wanted this to happen Sakura. I love you and your brother so much." She kissed the top of my head. "Mommy's planning something. It's all for you, but never blame yourself honey. It's my fault, all of this is my fault. I thought I could live like I do and protect you at the same time…"

I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the lumps and bruises on her back. If I had killed him, this would be over, we'd be happy. But I panicked. It was my own fault. I hate him...

"I don't ever want you to see this again. I'll protect you baby. Mommy never wanted you to get involved. He won't be here forever. For now, we have to wait, we have to wait until I strike."

I felt the determination in her voice. I never doubted for a second my mother loved me because I knew she did. I couldn't hate her for putting up with my father. She had her reasons.

My mother never explained what her plan was, but she was planning something. She was a woman of many mysteries. I hope she meant it, I hope one day…Fujitaka will be out of our lives forever…

_End of Flashback_

X x x

"Why did you never tell me this?" Syaoran asked.

I curled into his naked chest thankful I at least had him.

"I guess I don't like talking about it." I mumbled feeling drowsy again.

He sighed loudly and rested his head further into the pillow. His finger drew circles onto the back of my hand. I liked opening up to him. I never talked about my childhood with anyone. I just didn't like to think about it.

That was the first time Fujitaka was that vile to me. When I close my eyes I can still see the closet, I can feel the cool wall behind me and smell the wood of the door. The extent of it must have caused my mother to take more drastic measures to protect us. After the incident she sent me and Toya to private school on the other side of the country.

We rarely came home, our mother came to us. I'd like to say life got better then. Instead, I felt like I didn't have a family. I felt like it was just Toya and I. In a way I guess I could somewhat compare myself to the assassins of Li. I never understood what it was like to be a part of a proper family. I only experienced the bad parts of it.

I was always on the outside looking in and wishing I had what other people had.

There were moments though, moments where Li truly did feel like the closest thing to a family. Syaoran, Tomoyo, Fanran, Naoko and maybe in a very insignificant way… Rika.

When I graduated two months before my mother's death the relationship between my father and I was strained. We never spoke, ever. We were just two people who lived in the same house. The odd fight often emerged, but by then I was smart enough to know when to avoid him and back down. He still could get under my skin and hurt me.

His words were vile just like him. I could only compare him to Rika in a way. Recently, his nature is seen more and more in Meiling…

I will kill my mother's killer. If it's the last thing I do…Fujitaka will die…

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

"Now remember, don't touch anything when I'm finished." She said as she applied a layer of pearly pink gloss over my nail.

I nodded and took in her every word while intently examining her strategy.

When she finished I looked in awe at my brightly coloured nails. The shock must have been written all over my face because Fanran began to laugh. I couldn't help it. Never had I had my nails painted before.

"How long does it last for?" I asked not taking my eye of them.

"Two weeks." She said screwing the cap back onto the nail polish.

"Two weeks!" I exclaimed.

I couldn't help it. Never had I had something so feminine or something so glamorous. It was looked down on in the valley to have something like this. The valley, being a majority of elders never made room for change or modernization. I was almost embarrassed at not being experienced at these little things most girls would take for granted.

Without a doubt, Fanran was a doorway into all things feminine. Not to say Tomoyo wasn't feminine, she certainly was, but Fanran showed it in a more obvious way whereas Tomoyo's was subtle and she never passed it on to me.

I stared baffled at my nails and delighted in the fact that they would be like this for a whole two weeks.

"Thanks Fanran." I said meaning it.

She was a nice change from Syaoran. When I say that I mean she filled in for the areas Syaoran preferred to stay out of.

"You should cut your bangs." She said taking a few strand in her hands.

I liked when Fanran was over. She took a lot of gloom out of the apartment. Lately I've become restless since we returned from Dayaki, the place where I called him 'dad' for the first time. Experiencing the real world only to return here was nothing short of depressing.

"Fanran?" I asked as she lay back onto the lounger.

It was a glorious day, the heat wave from Dayaki had spread to Tomoeda. Fanran and I pried open the large window and placed two sun loungers onto the balcony. However the balcony was so small only up to our knees were getting a majority of the sun.

"Yeah?" She asked slotting on sunglasses and offering a pair to myself.

"Why does Syaoran think he's such a bad person?"

Fanran pushed her sunglasses with her index finger back to her forehead. A sad look took hole of her face. She pondered for a bit. I could tell she was deliberating on whether or not to give me details that might be too harsh to share with someone as young as me. Syaoran always did that.

"He's been through a lot in his life, lost a lot of people. Things were different seventeen years ago Rae."

"But he still hates himself for things he did. It couldn't have been that bad could it?"

Fanran said nothing. My father was a complicated man so much so that not even his sister felt comfortable talking about it.

"You know, your mother and I use to sunbath out here during summers." She said with a cheery voice changing the subject but not in a subtle way. "And over there," She turned her head to the side, "Naoko use to spend hours upon hours on her computer, and behind her, Rika did her make up almost every two hours. That girl was as vein as you could get. Her looks came first to anything else."

I would have asked about Rika, but I changed my mind. If it were painful for Naoko to talk about, I didn't want to upset Fanran. I sighed, I guess I just have to play the waiting game, and hope eventually Syaoran will just spill it all out…

"So did you have to leave any boy heartbroken at the valley?" Fanran asked smiling deviously.

I blushed a little and shook my head. "Of course not."

"Ooohhh don't be modest! Your mom was like that. Denying compliments all the time. Tomoyo thought she was more dense than modest though. Sakura was always turning heads but she never paid attention. I'm sure the boys were very depressed when you left."

"I doubt it." I scoffed.

When it came to boys I guess I wasn't old enough to notice or care about them. I did have a few admirers I will admit. But they went off me when they found out I preferred running around in the woods in mud and twigs rather than get dolled up for a date. I guess I was perceived as too much as a tomboy for a boy to stay interested.

"C'mon spill!" She said poking my arm eager for information.

"I rather she didn't." Syaoran said suddenly appearing in the kitchen throwing keys onto the counter.

Both Fanran and I muffled laughter as he rolled his eyes and stalked off to have a shower. It was weird to see him being protective of me with boys. Even though there was in fact no boy in the scene at all.

Fanran sighed, "Well, if there is a heartbroken boy coming to find you, he's going to have to bring an army with him to get past Syaoran first."

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 and a Half Years Ago**

Sometimes, I hate my job.

I shuddered as I made my way through headquarters. There are some strange people at Li. Some blunt like Eriol, some secretive like Syaoran, some evil like Meiling, then there are some fucking creeps like Mr Tsukishiro.

Again I shuddered. The hairs on the back of my neck were frozen upwards from the encounter.

It started off as a normal enough day. I had documents to proof read with Takashi, some training, gym, then more dirty work for Meiling. What I didn't expect was the arrival of Clow's negotiators i.e, Tsukishiro and his main bodyguard, Yue.

It was strange enough bumping into Yue after he was all feeling me up after our last encounter. I thought it would be awkward but instead he gave me a wink and a look over. Like I said…he was strange. But it was that slimy boss of his that made me sick to my stomach.

Tsukishiro was dressed in a well fitted suit and his hair perfectly parted but it was his creepy aura that scared and intimidated me.

I turned a corner as they did and when his eyes locked on me I groaned inside with a feeling I wouldn't escape it.

"Now look at this Yue, I think we could use more of this in our base don't you think." He said referring to me with as he observed me like an animal in a zoo.

I hated how his pale blue eyes stared at me like the time I first met him in Meiling's office. I felt like I was naked in front of him. Exposed, like he knew something secretive about me.

I bowed a little as a forced sign of respect and uttered, "Mr Tsukishiro."

I attempted to side step pass him and ignore his comment. But before I could pass him he held his arm out to prevent me. I came to an abrupt halt and stared at his arm that stopped me from proceeding. I was getting pissed off now.

"Yue." He said not lifting his eyes from me.

Yue stepped foreword. "Yes boss."

"Go inform her majesty Meiling we're here."

Yue face became stony and hesitant. Was it that he sensed my discomfort with his boss? If so I prayed he wouldn't leave me with him. His eyes flickered from Tsukishiro to me and back again. I saw his chest rise and fall before he nodded.

"Yes boss." He strode foreword leaving me to Tsukishiro. I wasn't exactly afraid of Tsukishiro. I mean, giving his appearance he was nothing to be threatened by. He stood tall enough But was thinner than me. His pasty white face made him almost ghostly looking and his lips looked like they had the texture of rubber. In his own way his looks may have something very slight to go for him. Not my type at all. Then he speaks and you discover that he would be suited to no one's type.

"Ms Kinomoto, I believe we must stop meeting like this." He smiled showing his small white teeth but there was too much gum for my liking.

I was taken aback by this. I had no idea how to respond to that. I raised an eyebrow up.

"Umm… I'm sorry, I don't understand."

He let out a short strange laugh and ran a hand through his light brown hair. Even his smile was quite gross.

"You know, I had the pleasure of meeting your mother several times, I didn't realise her daughter was such a beauty." He took a step towards me as he said this. My heart began to beat faster as I realised I was caught between the wall and him. I could practically feel him invading the walls of my personal space.

"I'm awfully sorry for your loss. Your mother truly was the best there was. If you ever feel yourself lonely and in need of someone to talk to," He picked up my hand and held it in his.

I actually gasped at the bizarreness of his behaviour . I jumped and backed into the wall behind me. What the fuck was up with this guy? His hand felt like sawdust as he held mine. I was in such utter shock I couldn't even swipe my hand away from his like I wanted to.

"Just know that I still to this day am in mourning for your mother's loss. You poor thing, on top of all that you work for such a tyrant like Meiling." His face gave a poor attempt of sympathy.

I wish I had a mirror right now just to see my own reaction. I felt my face drain of colour and my mouth was still agape. Was this old creep hitting on me? He must be at least ten years older than me. I must be picking it up wrong, there's no way he honestly thinks I would go for him does he?

"You're a brave girl," To my horror, his thumb started to draw circles onto the hack of my hand. Again he stepped forward until the tips of his toes were a centimetre short of mine. I became overwhelmed by the musky stench of his cologne. "If you ever get tired of working for Meiling, you give me a call," He slipped a card into my free hand and let is hand linger in mine. "You can come to Hong Kong and work for Clow, I've a feeling you would prefer it over there." He actually winked at me.

His revolting smile returned once more. I though I was going to get sick. His other hand clasped over mine as if this moment was extremely intimate, as if my face was returning the romantic atmosphere which was not happening.

Frozen in shock and completely disgusted all I could do blink to make sure this wasn't a nightmare.

We heard someone beside us and both our heads whirled around to see Syaoran standing as rigid as I ever seen him before. His body was so stiff he became a statue and his eyes could have burned a hole through Tsukishiro's head.

Tsukishiro turned his head slowly, looked Syaoran up and down and snarled his lip.

"Leave us." He spat.

My eyes widened. Sometime I forget that Syaoran, just like me, had superiors. Even though Tsukishiro was somewhat the enemy of Li, we as Meiling's workers had to keep on somewhat good terms with Clow. That included Syaoran, and Tsukishiro knew that. Not only that, but of course, Tsukishiro had no idea about Syaoran and my unprofessional relationship.

Never have I seen Syaoran move so quick. His hand grabbed my arm so tight it was as if he was mad at me.

"She has work to do. Excuse us." He said through gritted teeth and began to pull me away from Tsukishiro.

Though he was not gentle with me I knew it was because he was trying to keep his temper from exploding, something Syaoran was never good at.

I didn't even get to breath a sigh of relief when I felt another hand roughly grab my other arm. I hissed a little being pulled like a rag doll. Tsukishiro's grip was iron-like and the look on his face told me he was pissed at Syaoran's interruption.

"I believe she wants to stay now beat it." He hissed and looked at Syaoran like he was scum.

"I think you should let her decide." Syaoran said with his grip tightening around my arm.

Both men looked at me and I felt my face flush. Of course I wanted to be as far away from Tsukishiro as possible but I didn't want to upset the fragile balance between Clow and Li because when it came to them both, it was the littlest things that set them against each other.

"Um…"

Then another hand clamped down harsh on Tsukishiro's shoulder. All three of us whirled around to see Yue had returned.

"Meiling is waiting for you Tsukishiro, best not to linger." Yue's lips formed a hard line, as if he too were uncomfortable in this situation.

Tsukishiro frowned in annoyance and glared at Syaoran before releasing me.

"Leave her." I hear Yue say subtly I almost didn't hear it. "Don't start anything again."

Then Tsukishiro smiled politely at me and bowed at me.

"A pleasure to see you again Ms Kinomoto, lets not be strangers." I hated how he said that. The mere thoughts of another encounter with him gave me the creeps.

I didn't know what to do so I just bowed back and watched them leave. Yue looked back at the last second and nodded at me before they disappeared. I guess I owe him a thank you considering he got me out of that uncomfortable situation.

"Is Tsukishiro always such a creep?" I asked over my shoulder at Syaoran.

He didn't reply because he stalked off away from me in a complete huff.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" I asked taking large steps forward to catch up with him.

"Stay away from him from now on. He's tried that shit with Fanran before."

"How did she get out of it?"

"She listened to me." He said briefly. He was angry as per usual.

I scoffed at him but on he stalked.

"Why were you with him like that anyway?" He asked suspiciously but pretended not to care.

Was he serious? Did he actually think I liked being in that position with Tsukishiro? Does he have any fate in me whatsoever? I rolled my eyes at his unnecessary jealousy.

"I was attracted to his strikingly good looks and his oh so charming compliments. I simply could not resist." I said in a monotone voice hoping he would grasp the fact I was being extremely sarcastic.

He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Whatever. What was up with you and Yue? He never concerned about anything but his own reflection why did he intervene for your sake."

"Thanks," I said gritting my teeth and shrugged trying to remain innocent. I didn't want to inform Syaoran of my encounter with Yue, it was best t leave it. "I don't know he probably felt sorry for me." I said hoping he would accept the lie.

He did but we walked on in silence. Then I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face. I poked him in the back and playfully grabbed a handful of his shirt.

"You're cue when you're jealous." I said biting my lip to prevent laughing.

"I'm not jealous." He said angrily. "Tsukishiro is nothing to be jealous of."

I laughed again.

"Just admit you were a little jealous." I said teasing him yet again.

"Whatever." He grumbled. "Just stay away from him."

"Yes Syaoran." I said in a child-like voice that was able to break a smile onto his stony face. "So I never really got to thank you for Dayaki." I said becoming nostalgic.

Now that we had returned to Tomoeda I yearned more to return to Dayaki. The reality of our lives hit me like a ton of bricks. It depressed me in some ways but I had to admit I was kind of cloud nine at the same time. I guess….I was smitten. Yes, I felt all fluffy and walking around in a dream. I've even been able to push Rika out of my mind.

Syaoran's arm looped around my waist.

"It's ok, you can make it up to me tonight." He said smirking bringing himself closer to me. His lips almost pressed against mine…almost.

The door beside us slammed open. I jumped back and pried myself out of Syaoran's arms. Syaoran didn't move an inch as he looked back at Takashi who stared at us suspiciously.

Shit…he must have heard everything. I felt my hands begin to shake and both guilt and embarrassment set in. Takashi had a rigid expression.

Syaoran showed no sympathy but stood where he was and raised an eyebrow.

"Problem Takashi?" He asked un-fazed by the dead stare Takashi was giving him.

Takashi stalked off by us and I could almost feel the coldness exude from him. I had to pity him. He must know there was something going on between Syaoran and I. He must hate that while the love of his life lay rotten into the ground we carried out what he use to do.

As his footsteps faded I wondered if the humble and kind-hearted Takashi would ever come back. Syaoran rolled his eyes. His remorse for Takashi was as non-existent as ever. He just never acknowledged Takashi's pain. If he did, he never showed it because he treated Takashi with the minimum tolerance he always had for him.

Every time I felt safe with Syaoran, reality comes back to remind me that one day that may be me lying in the ground next to Chiharu…

X x x

**Eriol's POV: 16 and a half years ago**

"Do something Rika." I scolded her as she continued to peer at herself in her hand-mirror.

All her work was pushed over to one side of the table and she sat uninterested gawking at her reflection. I rolled my eyes at her incompetence and wondered how she lasted all there years in Li. Her status as an assassin has slowly fallen over the years. Hard to believe she used to be the best here before her vanity and ego overtook her skill.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the folder next to her but I knew she was not paying attention to it.

I signed and continued to scroll through the shelf of folders. It was just myself, Rika and Takashi in the small and claustrophobic office. Since the last disastrous mission we have to do a complete re-check of all our files to make sure nothing was tainted with. Clow seem to know our every move, maybe a spy.

I had my own suspicions as I scanned the room. It could be someone on the inside. Maybe not an assassin, maybe someone with a Li connection. But so far I had no evidence to point suspicion on any colleagues.

The files were ridiculously confusing. There were no names of people, we all had numbers and codes so it was extremely difficult to know who carried out an assassin. Takashi was the best at this sort of stuff. It was in case Li ever got caught the police couldn't jail anyone going by the files.

Another hour passed and we worked in silence. I took a side glance at Rika. She was frozen in deep thought. She glared at her hands under her ruby curls. The girl was unreadable. Maybe she's bitter because she's doing what is suppose to be Sakura's work, maybe she's still angry over her public humiliation, who knows?

On the other side with his head down, Takashi worked on not making any conversation nor speaking a word. The change in him has been drastic. He was quiet as he always was, but his silence was broody and his face showed a constant cold glare. Often I found him just glaring at nothing, his eyes forever slanting. His weight had dropped significantly.

No one ever passed comment about him. We carried on as if he lost nothing. He returned to doing missions for Meiling and if she was right about something, he did improve better on his performance. He was slowly becoming the assassin he was but his killing was not out of technique or skill, it was just anger. His anger was being taken out on the world but as long as he was killing someone, what did Meiling care?

Rika's head suddenly perked up. She bit her lip before speaking.

"You know Takashi, you're girlfriend has been dead a whole month today."

The whole room fell into a disturbing silence. Takashi's pencil snapped.

"Just saying. Poor you. Must be hard considering the person who killed her walks around guilt free carrying out his own affair."

"Rika!" I yelled slamming the folder shut.

I simply could not believe what she just said. We all knew about Sakura and Syaoran yeah…but we said nothing. We pretended we didn't know. As long as Meiling stayed in the dark about it, not a word was uttered.

"I'm just saying. Everyone can point all the blame on Meiling but technically it was Syaoran who pulled the trigger. He didn't have to." Rika laid back in her chair with a satisfied look on her face.

"He was following orders." I said trying to come to my friends' aid but realizing the fact it was indeed Syaoran. "Leave it Rika."

"Out of interest," She said continuing to ignore me and pick at Takashi.

Why was she doing this? What did she get out of mentally torturing him?

"How many times has Syaoran apologised?" She drew her attention to her nails.

A dark shadow fell across Takashi's face. His grip around the broken pencil tightened. I could see his jaw lock as he thought back to that day.

"He didn't at all did he?" She smirked knowing she was reaching a sore spot. "Meanwhile he parades around with his own secret affair, rubbing it in your face. They still laugh at you you know? They're mocking you. Why should they be allowed have their affair while you suffer in silence? " She leaned her face onto the palms of her hands.

"That's enough Rika!"

"And what about you Eriol?" She said turning her attention towards me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well just you knew all along about Chiharu. You knew when Meiling found out yet…you never warned poor Takashi. You let him go on. Efficient and professional as ever Eriol." She let out a short laugh.

An awkward atmosphere fell upon us. I sawed my teeth back and forth. Fuck you Rika.

"Hmm…It would appear no one really gave a fuck about you Takashi, and still nobody does." Rika relaxed back into the chair.

In a way she was right. I did know about Chiharu. But there was no time. By then, Meiling already knew. I could do nothing to help Takashi's cause.

I heard a scrapping sound and when I looked over Rika was dragging her chair towards Takashi's desk. She plonked it before his and twisted it backwards. As she sat her head bobbed low towards his. Her voice came out low and purposely inaudible for me not to hear.

I tried to listen in but only got parts of it.

"…I wouldn't stand for it…if Meiling knew…They're mocking you…I'd do something about it if I were you…"

After another few words Takashi abruptly slammed both his hands on the table and shot up. The veins in his hands throbbed I thought he would break something. Rika's smile only widened as Takashi swiped his things off the table and stormed out.

"What was that all about?" I fumed at her.

She shrugged but kept her malevolent smirk plastered onto her face.

"I have sympathy for him." She lied. "Poor little guy."

I glared at her, sometimes she can be as bad as Meiling. I knew she was planning something, something that would have dire effects for the rest of us.

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 and a half years ago**

Words simply were not coming to me.

I felt awkward, it was like answering a question in front of a classroom even though you didn't know the answer. The unsettling silence was lingering on until finally, after another minute, Meiling looked up from her desk.

"Kinomoto, it is unusual to see you in my office by yourself. What do you need?" She was in a surprisingly good mood.

I was almost freaked out by her approachable manner. Now was the time to take advantage of it. He cat jumped onto the table frightening me. Its black coat almost blended into the darkness of the table. Outside the heat wave was calming down as the evening sky took hold.

"Suppi sit." Meiling said as she stroked the fur of the restless cat.

Her cat responded by perching on the edge with her tail hanging over like a sleek whip.

I took a deep breath. Never had I been alone with Meiling before. It was unnerving.

"I wanted to ask you…about my brother." I said cautiously.

"What about him?" She asked raising a black eyebrow and allowed me to go on.

I gulped. "Well, he's been missing for three months now. I would like time off to look for him." I tried to sound confident but failed miserably.

Meiling clasped her hands together and brought her two fingers to press against her mouth.

"You want me to permit you time off to look for someone who is probably dead?"

I balled my fists. I could tell she wasn't going to be swayed easily.

"Please Meiling. He's my only family I have left." I pleaded and tried to argue my point.

"You have your father for now."

"He is _not _my family." I spat not meaning to take such a tone with her.

She curved her hip upwards, liking the hate I showed for Fujitaka.

Meiling turned around in her chair and wiped some dust off the chess board. She pondered a moment before uttering words that shook me.

"No."

I gritted my teeth. Even in her seemingly happy mood, she delivers the unlimited blow.

"Meiling, please…"

"You know Sakura, what I said about you to Rika, I do mean it. You have surprised me in more ways than one. I never thought you would excel your goals. You are becoming one of the best Sakura, next to Eriol and Syaoran, you are one of the best."

I stood baffled at Meiling's approval. This was not for show, there was nobody here but us she had nothing to prove and no one to scorn. She meant this.

"The fact of the matter is Sakura, Li is not in a good way. I cannot afford to have you gallivanting around Japan. We need you."

As she distracted her attention towards the window I stood there reeling in what she said. She _needed _me…Where things actually becoming worse within Li? Come to think about it, looking at Meiling, her face was a little drained and her eyes were not as awake as usual. The inner strain of her debt to Clow seemed to be taking its toll.

But I didn't care. I wanted my brother back! After all I done for her, after everything, surely I deserve this.

"Meiling I promise I'll work overtime, I'll do all your paperwork all I want is a week."

"I'm sorry Sakura I'm going to have to agree with Rika on this on, we can't afford it."

"But- wait…what?" I asked becoming suspicious of the mention of Rika.

"Rika mentioned you'd want to go looking for your brother. She brought up the good point if you did we'd be more exposed to threat. If she didn't mention it, I would let you go freely but, it would not be wise on my part."

I felt completely numb. All thought flew to Rika. That bitch…

I could not say anything. How the fuck could Rika get involved? It had nothing to do with her. I was so mad, I wanted to hit something…why not Rika?

Meiling started to pet Suppi's sleek fur. Her mind remained unchanged thanks to Rika's interference. I was no employee of hers…I was a slave…and Rika would pay…

X x x

"Rika you bitch get out here!" I roared as soon as I emerged into the apartment.

Both Naoko and Fanran whirled their heads towards me stopping what they were doing.

"Sakura are you ok-"

"Rika get the fuck out here!" I screamed again swiping everything off the table in a fit of anger.

Rika emerged with a stony face and her hair pulled back tight off her face. She stepped in from the balcony with a cigarette dangling from her hand. She leaned against the doorframe with her lip snarled.

"Who told you to get involved with my business?"

She took another drag out of her cigarette, her eyes averting out to the night.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She muttered and crossed her arms.

"Sakura, relax." Fanran said coming between us. "What's happened?"

"She told Meiling not to let me have time off to look for my brother. Thanks to her he could be dead!" I fumed and charged for her.

I was seeing red. I've had enough, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to hurt her so bad. She was lucky she didn't have family or they certainly would be my next target.

"Sakura stop!" Fanran put her hands out to stop me.

Rika retreated further towards the balcony almost afraid of my severe anger.

"I'm so sick of this!" Fanran fumed. "It's not fair Naoko and I have to live with you two fighting like this all the time. It ends now! I don't care how but it's not fair we cant live like this!" Fanran shouted and held her arms out.

I stood huffing both understanding Fanran's point yet having the urge to kill Rika.

The phone started ringing and Naoko reached over to answer it. Her head bobbed as she responded to commands on the phone.

"Yes Meiling-san. I'll tell her now."

She hung up the phone and pushed her glasses back towards her face.

"Meiling wants you to help transport some imports from the harbour. She needs either you or Fanran." She said.

"I'll go." I snapped wanting to get away from her.

I stormed towards the door but came to a sudden halt.

"Actually, Rika." I said having n idea. "You're driving me."

She snapped her head towards me. "Are you kidding? No thanks?" She spat and turned around.

"That wasn't a request it was an order. If you're forgetting you work for me now, on Meiling's orders." I said raising an eyebrow.

That made her tick. She crushed the cigarette with her bare hand not even wincing at and pain it would have caused. Her knuckles became pale white. I thought she was going to kill me there and then.

I thought she would object and try to shout me down. But instead she wiped the cigarette ashes off her jeans and grabbed her car keys almost knocking me out of the way as she passed me. I loved to watch her tick. If she was going to do something as vindictive as whisper into Meiling's ear, then I was going to abuse my power over her while I could.

"Don't push her to much Sakura, you might bit off more than you can chew." Fanran warned.

I said nothing, I didn't want any guilt. Rika deserved this humiliation.

X x x

"Next time stay out of my business." I warned her as she slammed her foot on the accelerator.

"Don't be so fucking vein I was thinking about Li not you. You'd love it wouldn't you? Sakura Kinomoto saves her brother, Sakura does no wrong." She spat.

"Don't start that again. Isn't enough you did this!" I said stabbing a finger at my scar.

She rolled her eyes. "It could have been worse. Anyway it's your own fault you drove me to it."

"How? I didn't ask you to carve my face!" I fumed. If she wasn't driving I'd give serious thought to hitting her.

"You riled me up do you actually think I'd just take it?" she slanted her eyes and tightened her grip around the steering wheel.

"You turning up drunk on a mission is entirely your own fault Rika not mine. Meiling made the decision to demote you not me!"

"You actually believe Meiling don't you?" She laughed and overtook two cars. I had to admit, she was a damn good driver.

She let out a harsh laugh. "You're as gullible as the rest of them you know. When Meiling gives you praise you get all big-headed. She only says that to keep you here! You're not as good as she says." She pouted.

"Whatever Rika I don't recall you getting any praise whatsoever recently." I said hitting any sore spot I could.

I didn't care about her feelings anymore like she didn't care about mine.

Her jaw locked as she tried to find a comeback.

"You think you're so fucking great. Everybody sneers at you behind your back you know."

"Is that so?" I asked rolling my eyes. I honestly didn't care about her pathetic lies.

"Yeah, because everybody knows but you." The way she said that made me suspicious. Sometimes you could tell when Rika knew something about you, and right now I fell into her trap.

"Knows what?"

She smiled happy she got my attention.

"When you know, that ego of yours is gonna shrink and you're gonna feel like a moron. And I'll be there laughing at you." She snickered silently and rolled down the window as she lit a cigarette.

I sat there not knowing what to say. Do I ask her? Do I entertain her pathetic attempts to anger me?

"Whatever Rika." I said dismissing her.

"When you find out, I'm going to laugh so hard. Even harder than when I stabbed your face." She snickered.

I felt my hands once again shake with anger.

"You better stop saying those things to me Rika or I swear to God-"

"You know, I'm actually the only one who is honest with you. You just can't handle it. Neither could Fujitaka. He walked around thinking he was so great. But just like you, we laughed at him because he was just that fucking pathetic."

"Rika-"

"And that mother of yours was the same. Thought she knew it all. But look where that got her. Be careful Sakura…that could be you. And if it is, I'll make sure to bury you nice and cosy beside your father. My father may have dropped me off at a whore house, but I'd rather that then have traitor blood running through m veins." She glanced over at me with a big smile hitting every single sore spot at once.

With her words every memory of my father came back to haunt me. Every strike every nasty word he ever said to me. The closet the tears…when I looked at Rika it was all I could see. I think that why I hated her as much as she did. Sometimes it was like looking at my father.

We stopped abruptly outside the harbour.

"You know Rika," I said slowly as to control my quivering voice. "I hope something really bad happens to you. I hope you get everything you deserve. I truly mean that."

I opened the car door and slid out slamming the door shut. As I walked away I knew she was smiling, laughing at me. All I could hear was my fathers voice in my head. His laugh, his smile. I never would wish anything bad on anyone except Fujitaka. But when it came to Rika. I honestly hope she feels the pain she has put me through.

Words don't hurt her, nothing I say cause hurt her as much as she's hurt me. Nothing.

As I walked away with these thoughts burning through my head, I found myself regretting them a few seconds later…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: A week Ago**

"So did Meiling kill Rika? Is that how she died?" Rae asked almost on the edge of her seat.

She was so absorbed in her conversation with Naoko, neither of them noticed my presence.

Naoko shook her head and looked down. With her index fingers she pushed her glasses back.

"No, she didn't die that night. Things just went downhill for Rika from there. What happened next took its toll on her."

"What happened next?" Rae asked.

Her ever restless nature was as strong as ever. I was angry to say the least. I waited from the moment she left until she returned alive, but she never came back. I imagined all sorts of horrors in my head. I was kicking myself for not going with her. Kicking myself for not going with my instincts, for giving her some independence, for showing her I trust her, only for her to let me down.

Naoko went to say some thing but I moved and drew both their attention. I didn't say anything but let my disappointed expression do all the talking.

"I-"

"You're late." I interrupted trying to contain my anger.

She looked down ashamed.

"Go home. I'll follow you." I said and quickly averted my eyes to Naoko. She was another story. She sat smiling to herself not feeling threatened by me.

When Rae left I sat beside Naoko but kept a distance between us.

Naoko closed her eyes and tilted her head back. She hadn't changed a bit. Her face was a little older but that was it. She had the same hair, same glasses and her nature was gentle as it always was.

"She's an amazing child Syaoran. Just like you, and just like Sakura yet…she's her own person." Naoko smiled. Rae seemed have everyone take a shine to her.

"I know." I agreed. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell her anymore horrors of the past."

Naoko nodded. "Your right. I wasn't going to tell her how Rika died though." Naoko looked down.

I was grateful she wasn't going to tell Rae.

"What were you going to say then?" I asked out of curiosity.

She shrugged. "Make something up I suppose." She sighed. "It's been a long time Syaoran. You look almost the same." She changed the subject and began to pick at the loose threads of her sweater.

"I can say the same for you. Why are you still in this God forsaken city Naoko? There's nothing for you here but memories."

"I could say the same for you Syaoran."

I looked away and crossed my arms. "I've unfinished business here. The sooner I can get it done, the sooner I'll take Rae away from here." I huffed. "Get yourself out of here Naoko. I don't know why you stay and do what you do."

Naoko frowned. "I won't be staying here for much longer. There's not many jobs out there for a computer hackers. If I showed up on any documents I'd be put in jail for all the stuff I did for Li. Besides, I haven't touched a computer in years. I doubt I could even turn one on." She fixed her glasses. "I've nearly enough money together to buy a nice cottage in the countryside. Not much but I can make it a home." She sighed.

I nodded. It was such a shame to see someone as talented as Naoko become what she is. This city spared no one. It took the purest of people, molested them and threw them back out with all the other scum. Yes…that included me too.

I then drew my attention to the grave in front of us. I sighed. I don't visit Rika as often as I should. There are days when I think of doing so yet at the same time… I wouldn't know what to do.

Like I've mentioned before, I never liked to go places that brought up past memories. Ironic considering I'm living in the place Sakura use to live in.

"I remember it like it was yesterday." Naoko commented. "Even though I didn't witness it. It was like a dark cloud over Li. I still to this day feel pity for Rika." The sadness in her voice reflected what I felt.

It was without a doubt, a terrible, terrible accident that later proved not so accidental…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 and a half years ago**

"You know Rika, I hope something really bad happens to you. I hope you get everything you deserve. I truly mean that."

As I walked away I didn't for a second regret my words. I was so caught up in my anger that what happened almost five seconds later shook me to the core and was something I'd never forget.

The first unmistakable sound was the explosion behind me. I never even got time to look behind me before my eyes were blinded with an intense light followed by my body was hurled from the impact. I threw my hands across my face as I crash onto the hard concrete. I rolled over on my back with my hands tightly pressed against my ears.

"Aaahh…" I whined. The explosion was so loud I could feel my eardrums blown out and all sound was replaced by a constant ringing noise. My head hit hard of the concrete and I felt the tickly sensation of blood dripping down my forehead.

What just…

My heart raced as my mind tried to piece together what just occurred. All around me it began to rain metal parts and dust and they landed hot and red beside me like sizzling firecrackers.

I managed to sit up on my knees, but what I saw was an even worse sight.

Rika's car was a ball of fine and smoke billowed out from it. Its vivid red paint was seared away as the fire tore into it, eating its metal frame. Inside the core of the fire ball there were small chocked screams.

"Rika!" I roared but couldn't even hear myself.

I knew my mouth was saying the words but they never came to my ears.

I could just hear my muffled attempts of cries. I scampered to my feet and ran towards the car. Its intense heat weighed my down. The closer I got the more the heat from the flames burned. I didn't stop running. I didn't even know what I was doing. I just knew Rika was in there, she has to be alive. The smoke was thick as I emerged into it and I felt my lungs smother within me.

There were no screams anymore. Just the low grumble of the fire manifesting the metal. Then, through the thickness of the smoke I could make out the frame of a body.

"Rika?" I asked but the body made no reply.

I threw myself at her. Small flames still lingered on one half of her body I was becoming disorientated under the suffocation of the smoke. We couldn't stay here. The smoke would kill us both. We had to get out. There was no thinking to my actions. I just grabbed her body and dragged her out. My vision was going, I've never felt so weak in my life.

I can't do this… I can't carry us both. My legs buckled from under me. I only brought us a few meters out where the smoke was less dense but still it made no difference, I could feel myself slipping into the darkness.

Oh why did this happen? How?

Rika lay unconscious in my left arm. I can't save her…I can't even save myself.

I felt myself slipping into a darkness darker then the smoke.

My body was so numb I barely felt the arms that hooked around my body and pulled me from the influence of the chaotic scene. My vision cleared enough that I could see the stars. The fresh air hit me hard, hurting my lungs.

Above me I saw Syaoran, his mouth moving rapidly, his eyes full of worry and pleading with me for a reply. I saw his mouth screaming my name over and over again but I couldn't hear him. I couldn't move, my head began to pound with a new pain. I was slipping into unconsciousness.

Syaoran's hands were on my shoulder shaking me as if it would work. I couldn't move. His eyes pleaded at me to respond to him that I was ok.

"I….wasn't…car…wasn't me…Rika." I tried to string a sentence but the confused looked on Syaoran's face showed I wasn't successful but my voice reassured him I was alive for now.

My head rolled to the right and through my blurred vision I saw Rika a few feet away, mirroring my position. Her side was painted a musky grey but under that miraculously her skin only received a few cuts. Her eyes remained closed as if she were asleep. However, the other side of her body, the side I couldn't see, it had smoke rolling off it.

Her head fell a fraction towards me and what I saw made me gasp. Eriol, Kaito and a few other low key assassins lifted Rika from the ground. I saw their faces when they saw her. Their faces twisted in horror as they looked down at her face. I could see their mouths moving rapidly but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Is..she…ok.." I think I said but Syaoran scooped me up, took one last glance at Rika, and said nothing. I prayed he just didn't hear me and that Rika was fine.

As I felt my own body rise under Syaoran's arms the only thought that flew through my mind for Rika was, that's going to leave a scar…

X x x

I finally came to consciousness a few hours later.

I could feel the familiar texture of Tomoyo's plasters and stitches on me. My head hurt and I was in a daze. I tried to say something but my mouth was so dry I couldn't form words. I recognised the familiar surroundings of Tomoyo's infirmary. It enforced a sense of security within me.

So I survived.

There were voices on the other side of the room. My hearing had returned somewhat, enough to make out what they were saying.

"Will she be ok?" I heard Syaoran ask.

There was a pregnant pause in the air before Tomoyo finally replied.

"She'll be just fine. It's Rika that endured the most damage."

"How bad is it?"

"I have to wait for the swelling to go down. It doesn't look good Syaoran, it really doesn't. How she survived I'll never know." Tomoyo's voice was full of sympathy.

I heard Syaoran sigh. I felt my chest sting for obvious reasons. Never mind the scars of bruises I collected…it was the guilt that stung like acid.

"This couldn't have been an accident. There's no way the car would have just exploded by itself. It was planted. Someone wanted Rika dead." Syaoran mused trying to put the pieces together.

"What makes you so sure it was Rika they were after?" I heard Eriol say from nowhere. "Sakura was in that car too you know." He said in a stern tone.

I finally opened my eyes and turned my head over to them. They all looked at me and seized there conversation. Syaoran came over to me. He looked so tired, he must have been waiting here for me to recover.

"Where…where's Rika?" I managed to say which caused my lungs great pain.

"She's fine. Don't worry about her." He said.

I knew he was just hiding how bad it was. I knew the look on his face, he wasn't going to tell me. Oh God was it that bad? Was she as bad as that glimpse I saw of her on the ground?

"Is she still alive?" I asked holding my breath.

"Yeah, she's fine Sakura. You pulled her far enough from the fire. She'll be fine thanks to you." Tomoyo said with a small smile. I saw the distress in her eyes. Her blood soaked uniform gave away the seriousness of the situation.

"No, it's my fault." I said chocking on my own words and feeling my eyes well up.

"Sakura it's not your fault. Clow planted the bomb it was just coincidence you were there."

"You don't understand." I said placing my hands over my eyes.

They don't understand. They don't know. I made Rika come with me. Out of my own selfish bitterness I dragged her with me. She could have died…because of me…

_I hope something really bad happens to you Rika…I really do._

I was eating my own words. I wished this to happen. I wanted her to suffer and here it was. Why did I have to involve her?

"Sakura relax. You need all the rest you can get." Tomoyo protested. "Don't rush yourself. Rika will be fine." Tomoyo was lying. I was there. Anyone who was in that explosion would never be _fine._

"Can I see her?" I asked already knowing what the reply would be.

Tomoyo and Syaoran looked at each other, exchanging telepathic messages.

"It's best that she's left alone for now." Tomoyo said meekly.

I looked up to the ceiling. I can't believe this. What I said to her, it all came true. It's my fault; all of this is my fault…

I touched my scar with my fingertip knowing that compared to the scars Rika must have received, mine was insignificant.

I lay there becoming more and more engulfed in my own guilt. This is exactly what my father would have done. As the days passed I felt myself acting more and more like him.

That thought alone was impossible to bare…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: A Week Ago**

"Sakura always blamed herself for what happened." Naoko commented.

I nodded. It was something she never forgave herself for. But Rika didn't die that day either. No one can blame Sakura for Rika's death. It was just something that was…accepted. No one at the time spoke of it.

I looked down at her grave.

"Someone's been visiting her." Naoko said nodding to herself and cocking her head to the side.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because, someone put a rose there." She nodded at the pink rose half withered of life. "I'm the only one to my knowledge to visit her. Whoever it was, they've been here more than once. I think I seen whoever it was once, just a glimpse."

I froze and recalled that pink roses were a particular favourite flower of Sakura's. I shook my head, there's no way Sakura would visit Rika, someone she despised. In fact, why would she return to Tomoeda at all?

Naoko stood up and grabbed her things.

"I had a bad feeling when Rika was going downhill. I have a bad feeling now. Something bad is going to happen soon Syaoran isn't it?" She asked knowing the answer.

"I don't know. But I'd get out of here while you can Naoko. You were involved in everything that happened, there going to look for you too."

She nodded. I did feel sorry for Naoko. Out of all of us, she was the most kind hearted and most vulnerable. She can't survive whatever was coming.

"You're right. I'll be moving soon anyway. I won't be missing Tomoeda." She laughed softly. "What about you Syaoran, you could do with getting away for a bit."

"Where to?" I asked kicking a stone in front of me.

"What about Dayaki? You haven't been there in a while. Bring Rae." She said beaming a smile.

I never thought of that…I liked that thought. Dayaki…after all these years?

I departed from Naoko but not without saying one last thing.

"Look…if you see Rae again…don't bring up the past. There are things I don't want her to know just yet. I want them to come from me…in my own time." I pleaded with her.

"Of course Syaoran. She is a good child. She's changed you, this is the kindest you've ever spoken to me." Naoko's smile was genuine.

I said nothing as Naoko disappeared around the gate. Maybe Naoko had a point. Maybe this sheltered life I forced Rae to endure wasn't healthy for a child her age. Maybe I should take her away…even for a day…

I sighed loudly.

What if Sakura was here? I shook my head…A few months ago, hearing Naoko say that would have thrown me into a mad frenzy. I would have torn through the city to find her. I would have interrogated man, woman and child. I would do stake-outs at the graveyard to catch a glimpse of something that might show up.

…Or I'd drink myself into a coma like I've done before.

But now…I don't know how I feel.

Lately I've been caught between wanting to see her face again, and yet I panic. The feeling of guilt would kill me. Knowing what I done. Yet at the same time…Why do I feel anger towards her?

Who am I kidding? I knew why. To think…I've been to the very bottom and back. I've dwelled in the pit of despair after loosing Sakura. All this time we had a daughter. All these years Rae went without knowing me. I have to admit it, she saved me. It was coincidence that brought her to me.

What if I killed her? Why does Sakura hate me to the point she'd do this?

Sakura…I don't know what I'd say to you if you were here…but I know I'd want a lot of answers…

X x x

**This has been my longest chapter to date! **

**Sorry about the lack of romance in this chapter and the part about Rae wasn't that long either! Rika does die in the next chapter sorry it's taking so long to get to that!**

**But the plot will be moving along quickly in the next two chapters! I think we're halfway there!**

**Anyways, as always, R&R!**


	18. Enemies Till the End

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

It was well past midnight when I arrived back.

The door creaked as I opened it and I was greeted by a dull light coming from his room. He must have been waiting. There was a light shuffle coming from his room and he appeared from his room in his rough and baggy clothes.

I didn't acknowledge him as I entered but dumped my bag onto the table. It was a long flight and I could certainly feel the jet lag settling in.

"I didn't think you were returning princess." He said leaning against the doorframe. "I'm quite upset. Not a phone call or a letter, I nearly called the police." He joked.

I was in no mood at all to joke about anything.

"Did you at least buy me a present?" He asked raising an eyebrow and walking further into the room.

"Knock it off Yue I'm not in the mood." I grumbled and fell onto the couch. I rolled over and rested my face of the arm of the couch.

"Oh? Well that's a shame because there's a present here for you." He said and planted a coy smile onto his face.

He grabbed a black bag of the table and tossed over to me. I caught it and was surprised by its weight.

I looked over at him and he nodded towards it with as he lit up a cigarette. He took his usual position beside the windowsill and opened the window slightly to let the smoke escape from his mouth.

I opened the bag and saw a stack of guns. But these were different, rare. Clow only had so many that for him to be giving us these meant business. I looked up confused at him.

"How…"

"Courtesy of the Kenji organization. We figured they wouldn't be needing them after we slaughtered them all." His pearly teeth showed as he laughed at the expense of those who's lives were lost.

I was lost for words and looked at him in utter shock. He smiled as he exhaled a puff of smoke that briefly covered his smooth white face.

"Yeah. We got them. You surprised?"

"Yeah." I admitted. "I didn't think you'd kill them so quick."

"I know." He let out a short laugh and scratched the back of his head. "Those who begged for their lives now work for Clow. Only two other organizations to be taken out before we head for the big one." He said with satisfaction on his face.

"Li…" I said quietly and felt my stomach twist.

All these years of training and taking out other organizations. Recruiting and forcing other to join us so our army can expand. The day was drawing nearer and nearer before we had to return to Japan…to take out our main rivals. How did the time past so quickly? How did I blink and miss it all.

"So," He said changing the subject. "How's Tomoeda?" He asked resting his head back and watching me with his sharp grey eyes. His wife beater vest was loose but I knew the athletic body that hid underneath.

I sighed. There was no denying to him where I was. After all these years of being around each other it was impossible for us to hide secrets from each other.

"The same…only worse. I visited her." I said referring to Rika.

He nodded and turned his head to look out at the stars.

"I thought as much. You do that every year. See anyone else…interesting?" He eyed me, judging my reaction.

I balled my fists and sawed my teeth back and forth.

"If you're talking about _him, _then no. Why would he even be in Tomoeda anymore? These's nothing for him there!"

"Take it easy angel-face. Don't stress yourself out." He said closing his eyes.

I relaxed. My very seldom visits to Tomoeda were always brief. I don't know why I go to that damn city anymore. Why did I do it to myself?

I sighed. But I do go every year on that day. It felt like a duty, another apology for what had happened between my old enemy and I. It was as vivid as if it happened yesterday. My hand flew to my face, pressing lightly against the tiny dent under my eye.

The scars don't fade, but it was my mind that suffered worse.

Rika…I don't think of you often anymore. That's because it was so long ago since you died. Do I still carry guilt with me?...yes. Of course, you, as well as guilt for many other things.

Yue put out his cigarette and ungracefully fell onto the space beside me. Many nights we sit here in our own deep thoughts, becoming nostalgic and sometimes we even express what we're thinking.

"Don't get to comfortable here sweetheart, Clow is sending you back soon to set up post and scan the area. I don't know what he's planning but it's going to me big."

I nodded. Indeed, the time was drawing near, it was just a matter of patience. I thought back to Rika…If all went according to plan, there would be more bodies lying cold in the ground beside her…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 and a Half Years Ago**

I can't focus.

In fact, no thought has passed through my mind without Rika being in it.

The past two and a half weeks are killing me. Everyone was on edge trying to avoid the topic at hand. I watched as Fanran and Naoko cleared out Rika's room. Her condition was heavily monitored by Tomoyo and her conclusion was that Rika was best living on her own. Meiling gave no protest and got Rika and apartment in district 10, a little bit on the other side of East Tomoeda.

No one would discuss the accident with me. I knew why, I knew why Rika was not staying with us. It was because of me.

That part was obvious. None of this would have happened if it weren't for my insistence. Rika's car was still under repair since she crashed it into the wall from the night she marked my face. I made her drive my car. I did it to humiliate her. To abuse my power over her.

If what Syaoran speculates is true, then someone wanted me dead, Rika took the worse of the damage.

I threw my head into my hands. The guilt was eating away at me. When I closed my eyes at night all I saw was the explosion going off over and over again. I could hear the ringing in my ears, then I hear my fathers voice, laughing as if this was all expected of me.

"Sakura?" Syaoran whispered lowly so Meiling could not hear us.

I looked up and the guilt must have been seen on my face because he was pitying me. I nodded to assure him I was alright when I obviously, wasn't.

Meiling whirled around on her chair with a file in her hand and Suppi perched in her lap.

"Sakura I see your last mission went well." She commented.

"Yes Meiling." I mumbled and looked down.

That was Rika's mission. It was a quick and painless death that Rika would have hated. It seemed I could do nothing without pissing her off somehow.

"Syaoran I want you to collect the shipment of arms next week. Bring Eriol too." She mumbled and flicked through sheets of paper. "Rika will take over the filling from there."

Both our heads snapped up, even Eriol's. Our mouths were agape. Words could not express the look on our faces. Then finally Eriol spoke.

"Meiling…Rika's only rested two weeks you can't possibly expect her to come back to work so soon?"

Meiling sighed and opened her mouth to protest when, as if on queue the doors behind us opened. Out of all people I didn't expect Tomoyo Daidouji to walk in. I never recalled seeing her in Meiling's office. She looked as sophisticated as ever in her baby blue and white shirt with a matching skirt.

However her face was stern in contrast to her usual calm and collected demeanour. She didn't look left or right when she strutted in. She may not have even noticed us.

Her eyes never even flickered towards Eriol who, looked as surprised to see her here as I was.

Meiling's response was something that threw me altogether.

"Ms Daidouji, what a surprise to see you. Please sit." Meiling extended her hand towards the seat across from her table.

Meiling actually stood up as a sign of respect as if Tomoyo was royalty. Her smile was plastered and laced with suspicion.

"This won't take long." Tomoyo said surprising me with her not so soft tone.

Meiling nodded and flicked some strands of her jet black hair across her shoulder. Syaoran, Eriol and I pretended to carry in with our work but being present in the conversation.

"And what do you wish to speak about Ms Daidouji." Meiling asked keeping a pleasant enough smile on her face.

"It's about Rika, and your demands of her."

"Oh?" Meiling said raising an eyebrow. "I understand her condition is bad. I don't expect her back to work until next week."

"Then you certainly do not understand the seriousness of her condition." Tomoyo said in a voice so stern I felt nervous for her. Tomoyo rarely showed anger but I could easily see she was hiding some sort of upset.

"I beg your pardon?" Meiling asked taken aback by Tomoyo's tone. "From what I understand Rika's burns were healing. So why shouldn't she be returning to work?" Meiling's tone was slowly matching Tomoyo's but Tomoyo wasn't going to let her have this one.

"Rika had sustained third degree burns on the left side of her face and body Meiling! Her body has gone into complete shock and for the moment she is completely bedridden. She will _not_ be performing any duties for Li under my care."

"Well then Ms Daidouji you obviously do not understand that Li needs her at the moment."

"Li didn't seem to need her when you demoted her." Tomoyo said touching on a spot no one liked to talk about.

"Well when can she return?" Meiling said through gritted teeth.

"Meiling, Rika cannot even sit up by herself without anyone's help. Her nerves are shot, she has to completely re-train her body! It's going to take some time for her to learn to walk again let alone drive a car or shoot. It will take months, maybe even a year before she can do half of what she did before the accident! Not to mention the emotional toll she's yet to suffer. I've had to get rid of all the mirrors in my house and her apartment! Half her face is burnt off!"

Hearing this only made my mind slip into a further depression. I looked at the floor because I didn't want people to look at me, to judge me. It was… my fault.

I knew Rika was bad but…not like this. What Tomoyo had described was hell for anyone, I have no idea how Rika's coping. Tomoyo was nearly puffing with arguing with Meiling.

Meiling opened her mouth to speak but Tomoyo interrupted.

"The bottom line is Meiling, you may forget about Rika and any of the duties she previously had because she simply won't be coming back for at least a year…maybe even longer than that."

Meiling clasped her hands together, glanced once over at the chess table and closed her eyes for a second.

"How long until she can perform how she did before the accident?"

Tomoyo looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. Eriol stiffened in the corner. I could tell her wanted to intervene. Tomoyo was too innocent to be in Meiling's presence. But he restrained. Tomoyo knew what she was doing.

Then Tomoyo looked up with a hard expression. "Rika will never be an assassin again." She stated.

Meiling didn't like this…not one bit. There were many faces to Meiling. There was angry, rage, sly and then there was this…this stony face that was unreadable. Meiling looked down and very subtly nodded. She could no longer fight with Tomoyo. She needed to keep on Tomoyo's good side. Daidouji supplies us with most of our arms. To fall out with their daughter at a time like this would not be a clever move.

"Thank you for coming to me Ms Daidouji." Meiling said in a way that sounded forced.

Tomoyo wasted no more time in Meiling's presence as she got up and strode out.

Meiling turned around until the width of her chair shielded her from us. The three of us made eye contact. Nothing was said. I couldn't believe this. Tomoyo was not one to lie…

Because of me…Rika would never return. She wouldn't return to the profession that took her from the streets and gave her power.

I couldn't stay here. I suddenly felt claustrophobic. I stood up quite suddenly and followed Tomoyo out.

"Tomoyo!" I called out.

She whirled around. I never realised how pale she'd gotten. Come to think about it, I haven't seen much of her since the crash.

"Is it really that bad? She'll be able to come back right? Right? Can I talk to her?" I asked impatiently.

Tomoyo's eyes saddened and dulled to a darker shade of violet.

"Sakura…she doesn't want to speak much to anyone. It's best to just leave it."

I locked my jaw. "That means she doesn't want to see me…right? She hates me…" I mumbled.

Tomoyo was lying. Rika spoke to her, Syaoran and Fanran since the accident. They claim they haven't seen her scars and inflictions, if they did, they were probably too horrified to talk about them

"I'm sorry Sakura, there's no way she can go back. Maybe it's a good thing." She said in a lighter tome. "She can escape all of this. No more killing. It might just be a fresh start for her."

Maybe Tomoyo was trying to make me feel better, or maybe she genuinely looked on the brighter side of things. But I knew, as much as she would deny it…Rika would rather death, than to give up Li…

X x x

It was inevitable that sleep was not going to come to me that night.

I laid awake thinking about Rika. Thinking about the pain she must be suffering at this very moment. But there was a horrible feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't over, something bad was going to happen. Naoko agreed with me earlier.

The look on Meiling's face said it all, she wasn't happy about Rika's disability…

Maybe I was just imagining it. Maybe Tomoyo was exaggerating. But all I knew was that I hated being here and not being able to apologize to her. I wanted to tell her so bad that I didn't mean for what happened to have happen.

Even though I wished it upon her, I didn't mean it. Ok I _meant_ for her to suffer, but not like this. I wanted her to feel the way she made me feel. This was too extreme.

I felt so lonely and cold in my bed. I wanted Syaoran, wanted him here, beside me telling e it wasn't my fault. I wanted his touch, his kiss. But I knew he was with Rika…whispering sweet nothings into her ear to console her.

I sighed. It was so wrong to feel guilty yet jealous of Rika at the same time.

My cell phone went off and I rolled over to answer it.

"Hello?" I mumbled but shot up when I heard Meiling's voice.

"Sakura, I need you at my office now." She said calmly.

I looked at my watch which read half two in the morning, not that it mattered to Meiling. When you work for her, your shift never fully ends.

"Yes Meiling." I said and she hung up.

I don't' know why but I got a chill in my bones. I shuddered as I got into my gear. What could she want with me that was so urgent?

I had no time to think as I drove but I knew…something bad was going to happen.

X x x

When I walked into Meiling's office it was like walking into a different world. The night casted an evil shade of black and not a single light was on. I saw Meilings pale hand sit on the armchair of her desk. I bit my lip as I approached her.

"Meiling?" I asked and heard my voice bounce of the icy walls.

She slowly turned around in her chair to face me. Her face had an unreadable expression. She took a deep breath in and sighed heavily.

"Thank you for coming." She breathed but kept her eyes on her chess table. "I didn't think I'd have to call you so soon but there is no point pro-longing the inevitable." Meiling sat poker straight in her chair and waited before speaking.

"What has happened to Rika was by all accounts, tragic. But we can't drop everything for her. Rika now, of all times is a liability. I've come to terms that she will never become an assassin for Li again, but that means she no longer works for me, she is free to do what she likes. However, she knows secrets about us, secrets that the police and government would use against us to catch us. We simply cannot have this over our heads.

"What are you saying?" I gulped coming to a horrible conclusion.

Meiling made striking eye contact with me. She came foreword and placed a gun onto her desk and pushed it with her fingertips towards me.

"It means she needs to be taken care of before she runs her mouth to the wrong people…" The stone cold look in her eyes made my heart stop for a a split second. I didn't understand what she was saying until suddenly…It clicked.

"Are you crazy? Seriously? You think I would _kill _Rika?" I yelled in a way I never did to Meiling.

"It has to be done Sakura…tonight."

"Rika wouldn't say anything Meiling you know that! She loved being apart of Li even if she won't admit it! Just leave her be, let her live her life!" I begged and balled my fists.

How could she ask this of me? How could she think I'd actually do this?

"I can't allow that. The money to put a roof over her head not to mention the cost to rehabilitate her will bleed Li dry. We can't have her, not at this moment. It's tragic we lost her but its done now. People come to Li, and people die it's the way it works!"

"So you'd kill her?"

"It needs to be done."

"Why me though?" I yelled in fury. "Out of everyone, why have me do it? I'm the reason she's like this. To send me to kill her would destroy her! I won't do it Meiling I wont!" I said defying her for the very first time.

"You will do what I order you to!"

"No, not this time Meiling. I won't do it."

I began to storm out. My heart racing at the thoughts of doing what she asked of me.

"If you do it…I will let you look for your brother." She said letting every syllable fall slowly off her forked tongue.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You have my word Kinomoto, I'll even send people to assist you. All you have to do, is pull one little trigger, and your one step closer to finding your family. You have my word. Is your brother not worth more to you than Rika? If you refuse, then I'll see to it you'll never find him." She threatened.

"And what about all the stuff about how you need me here?" I questioned.

She waved her hand to dismiss that conversation.

"I can make an allowance. Don't think of this as just another mission. Think of this as your test."

"I already did a test for you." I said gritting my teeth.

"Yes…but this is a test of your loyalty to me. Everyone had to do it in some shape or form. Isn't that right Syaoran?" She asked turning her attention to the dark corner in which Syaoran emerged from.

He stood rigid, hearing everything tat was said.

"Syaoran had to be tested on his loyalty, as do you. You're one of my best assassins Sakura, I need to make sure I have your utmost loyalty. With someone like you, I want you on my side." Her smile made me want to get sick.

But she was willing to help me. She was willing to help me get my brother back. I was desperate for my family. Maybe I should…what am I saying? I can't do this to Rika! I've done enough to her!

"But why me?" I asked again.

She sighed and looked down.

"I've considered Fanran and Eriol. But their relationship with Rika has gone on for years. Their bond is tighter. Since you and Rika were already enemies, be enemies till the end." She smirked.

How could Meiling pit me against Rika for my brother? Make me choose between them? Of course Toya meant so much more to me than Rika, but the guilt and debt I owed to Rika…could I do this?

"Fine. I'll do it." I said looking at her straight in the eye.

I don't know why I agreed. I was planning in my head. Maybe I could get Rika out of there without Meiling knowing. Maybe there was a way to save her.

"Excellent, Syaoran will go with you to make sure you don't plan on saving Rika. If I find out you did, I'd be very, very angry." She warned as if she could see through my lies.

I stormed away from her. The fear I had of her had vanished and was replaced by pure anger. I hate Meiling, one day she's suffer for making me do this, for making me choose.

But for now, I had to find a way around killing Rika…

X x x

As Syaoran brought the car to a halt I felt my stomach twist.

Breathing in and out my head became dizzy and sore trying to think of a way out of this.

"You're going to let her go, aren't you?"

"Will you stop me if I do?" I asked keeping my eyes fixed onto the ground.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. He could understand my ordeal, how this was a sickly and unjust act Meiling was asking me to perform.

"Meiling will believe what I tell her to believe. Whatever happens in there, as far as Meiling will know, Rika is dead. Just know that if Rika did go against us, it's on us both. Meiling will turn us all in before she takes the blame for any activity in Li."

I nodded. Of course I understood that by sparing Rika, there was a possibility of dire consequences. Maybe she would rat us out. Maybe in her bitterness towards me she would strive for revenge against me. Maybe, it was best to carry out Meilings orders.

"What will you do?" He asked touching my elbow.

I was so thankful he was here. The mere thoughts of what I had to do was making me sick.

"I don't know." I said and stepped out of the car.

He could offer me no advice. He himself was at a lost for what to do. He couldn't help me, I was on my own with this one. I managed to break my feet from their frozen form and walk forward. Through the darkness of the alley my heart began to pound. My gun felt so heavy in my hand.

I stopped and turned back to Syaoran but he had already left with his car no longer blocking the entrance of the alley.

As I walked a quick thought of the past flew through my mind.

_Flashback_

"_Now Sakura, retaliation is not the answer."_

"_But it hurts." I said and hissed as my mother cleaned the cuts in my knee inflicted by another classmate. "Why can she get away with it?" I said wrestling tears from my eyes._

_It seemed so logical to attack those who attacked you. Shouldn't I get back at someone who wronged me?_

_She dried off my petty wounds with the gentlest touch. _

"_Sakura, sometimes, people attack someone to protect something. Some people aren't as lucky as others with the life they have. To retaliate is not the answer." _

_She pressed a plaster softly over my knee and kissed it, making it better. _

_End of Flashback_

My mother had the morals of a saint considering the profession she had. How disappointed my mother must be to see what I have become.

As the door to Rika's apartment creaked open I shuddered at the cold air that escaped from within. I pushed the door back and saw a room cloaked in darkness and the only light was the mood that casted a dark silver glow.

I stepped in and inhaled the stale air. The apartment was bare and carried with it no life. It was small, cramped and gave no indication a patient lived in it.

I closed the door behind me and gazed around listening for any signs of her.

"Rika?" I called meekly not knowing what I would hear.

There was a small wooden coffee table centred in the room. And two well cushioned single chairs on either side. The rest of the furniture was inadequate to human use. The tiny window showed a view of only the slimy green wall of the next apartment and the dingy streetlights.

This district was very different from the somewhat lavish one Myself and Fanran live in.

It indeed was an appropriate place for Rika to die. Meiling has though it out well.

I Called Rika a few more times as I ventured into the other tiny room which consisted of merely a thin single bed and a small station with medical supplies I assumed Tomoyo used here.

I heard a small shuffle behind me. My body tensed and I whirled around. I didn't notice it before when I came in. I didn't notice her balled up on the single chair cradled in a thick blanket and engulfed in the huge chair. Only when I saw a ruby lock of hair curl like a finger around the blanket did I notice Rika sitting there.

"Rika." I whispered and winced coming closer.

"Stay where you are." She said in a low and raspy voice.

My legs locked together.

From the silence I heard a low chuckle coming from her.

"You can't let it rest can you? You came back." She snickered but her voice was different. It was weaker and had lost it's confident power.

"Rika, you need to pack your things. You need to get away from Tomoeda, away from Meiling!"

Again her laugh surprised me. She let the blanket fall to reveal the left side of her face the unscarred side. There was a few scars present. But the mean look in her deep ruby eye showed hate. Her eye fell on me.

"You want me to flee? And how do you suppose I do that?"

"I don't know." I stuttered. "It doesn't matter how, I'll give you money, I'll send it to you every month whatever you need but you have to go!" My voice became raised.

Panic seeped in when she didn't budge. My arms were outstretched in attempt to convey the seriousness of the situation.

"You think…I want your money…your help?" She laughed.

"Rika you don't understand." I said coming a foot closer. I didn't know how to tell her. "You don't understand why I'm here."

"I know why you're here." She said in a dangerous voice with a small twisted smile. "I know exactly why you're here." Her eye looked out to the window. The her head sunk down and rose back up.

I noticed on the table there was a needle carelessly lying on the wood. I sighed and felt my heart ache for her. Now I understood her behaviour. I thought Fanran was exaggerating with Rika's drug use, but the rumours of her heroin addiction were true.

"After all I did for her. After all the years I served under her, she repays me by sending you of all people to kill me!" She began to snicker, showing her perfect sharp teeth.

"Y-you know?" I said in shock.

She nodded. "I was one of the best. I'll admit, I would never have been as good as Syaoran or Eriol but damn it I was good! Sh-she made me like this." A small tear fell down her eye and slid into the corner of her lip. "Meiling made me become what I became. Trying to please her but then you realise you can't please that bitch! Drinking got me through it. Killing people…it's hard to do, drink makes it easier." She was not speaking to me, it was like she was having an out loud realisation.

"Now…now I don't care." She opened her eye and narrowed it towards me. "Then you came. Then you took everything." The bitterness began to seep in.

I wanted to become defensive. I wanted to say that she became that way of her own accord and not because of what I did. She had a vendetta against me before I came here. There was no way we would have every gotten along.

"Rika please…I don't want to kill you. Just let me help you despite your pride."

"I don't want your help, or your pity." She spat.

"Rika I know you hate me ok? You've made that more than clear. But it's not my fault what my father did. I'm sorry you got humiliated in front of Meiling, I'm sorry I took your mission and Syaoran."

She let out a brief laugh that echoed out throughout the room. "Oh you are naïve. Syaoran is milking you for all your worth before telling you. I'll admit I did have feelings for him. Strong feelings. But they diminished before you came here when alcohol treated me better than he did. Then you came along and extinguished any hope of everything. No…you can keep Syaoran…Meiling's little bitch."

I balled my fists but said nothing.

There it was again. This _secret_ of Syaoran's I seem to not know.

"What do you mean by that Rika, tell me…" I said edging closer to her. "Why do you keep bring that up what secret?"

Again her head lolled back in a sleepy-like motion. I froze and waited for her reply. Then, her head rolled a little bit further towards me and I got a very brief glimpse of the other side.

I gasped and took a step back. My heart gave out a sharp beat before calming down. Though it was only a glimpse it was something I did not wish to see again. A dirt grey patch on her right side disappeared before I could properly see it.

"Don't like what you see?" She said smiling dangerously. "I have to look at it everyday!" She laughed.

She was distracted from Syaoran's secret.

I felt sick. For so long I've wanted to apologize to her, but I could not form words. I was in shock.

"Rika…I'm so sorry." I said meekly but meaning it from the bottom of my heart. I never wanted this to happen. If I could I would have never made her drive my car. It would have been me in Rika's place.

"You're sorry...You're Sorry!"

She exploded in anger. With a hand she ripped the blanket from her and looked fully at me.

"You think sorry will change this!?" She roared stabbing finger at herself. "Do you think your flimsy fucking apology will fix this? This should be you!"

I couldn't speak, nor could I find the words to describe her appearance which has plummeted horrifically since the last time I saw her. The left side of her face was a stark contrast to the right. The flesh was burnt right off and left behind the texture of leather that spread from the top of her head and down as far as her right elbow.

Her eyes flickered to the mirror sitting onto the table.

"I sit here day after day looking at myself, looking at what you did to me. Too weak to attack you, to weak to stand by myself. Tomoyo took every other mirror from me but forgot one. I won't walk properly for months, I will never drive again. I will never work for Li again, because of you."

Her luscious thick hair had melted away into the top of her pinky grey scalp. Her arm remained I a cast but some of its burnt lumpy texture was still visible. I brought my hand to my mouth to cover my gaping mouth. There was no trace that flesh even existed there.

One half of her lip was burnt off and the remaining flesh curled into her mouth forcing her teeth to always be shown. My stomach dropped. Not completely because of her appearance, but because I caused it.

Then a smile formed on one half on her lip.

"If you think I'll accept your apology…then you have another thing coming. And if you think I'm going to run, that won't happen either."

I sighed lowly and for a second I contemplated on what to do.

"I'm not going to kill you Rika." I said looking her stern in the eye.

She shook her head and tutted at me.

"Oh Sakura. And here I was thinking this would be a dream come true for you."

"I'm not as sadistic as you." I said through my teeth. "I'm not going to kill you Rika. I've don't enough to you."

Se settled back onto the chair with a strange look on her face.

"You won't kill me? That's fine, I'll just kill you then." She smirked and before I could react I felt a bullet whiz by my arm. She laughed and reloaded the gun under her arm again.

I ducked behind the opposite chair reeling from what she just did.

"Come on Sakura be a good sport! Not like you to back down from a challenge!" With that she fired another bullet that skimmed over my head.

Her aim was all off. All the skill had drained from her hand and became sloppy. I could understand because her body went into shock. I poked my head cautiously around the chair and saw she was reloading. She was fumbling with the gun and unable to act with the agility she use to do.

"Rika stop it doesn't have to end like this!" I said trying to reason with her.

She wasn't listening, she was just shooting aimlessly, the aid of alcohol and drugs disorientating her aim. What do I do? If I don't kill her, she'll kill me eventually. Maybe it's all I could do…maybe I had to kill Rika. She was never going to recover, she was an addict and had a mountain of problems against her. In killing her, wouldn't I be sparing her life? Wouldn't I not just be if anything…helping her?

After everything she did to me…all the pain…

What if Rika was right? Maybe I should be relishing in this opportunity to end her torture of me. She could never hurt me again. There would be no chance of Li getting caught either without her being a possible snitch. I wouldn't be arrested before taking my revenge on my father.

_To retaliate is not the answer. People attack someone, to protect something._

My mothers words were true. Rika was attacking me…to defend her pride. Her pride and dignity that was taken from her so many times. Her status was taken from her because of me. She lost all of that and was trying to redeem it by not having me, her worst enemy killing her. If she was going down, she was taking me with her.

Another two gunshots pierced the chair I was behind before I whirled around and shot her shoulder to temporarily weaken her. She fell back and knocked the mirror off the table. It crashed and broke off into large shards around her.

She lay there struggling to get onto her feet. Then her face balled up and her fight with tears was lost. Small cries escaped her throat. She outstretched her hand to grab her gun. I ducked as she shot but her gun was empty.

"Rika," I said standing with my gun pointed at her. "If I could I would change everything. I'd have put myself in the car, I would be you but there's nothing I can do! I know an apology won't do anything but let me help you get away from Li. You don't deserve what you have. Meiling doesn't care about you anymore. If I don't kill you…she'll just send someone else. I'm doing this not as a friend, but an ally."

Rika lay there almost defeated. Then, slowly her eyes squeezed shut as tears dropped onto the floor creating little round circles on the carpet. Her hands began to shake and she gave up on trying to reach the gun. Perhaps she was seeing my point of view. She must see that there is no way out and I alone can help her. For this…I was thankful.

I took a step towards her but she held up her hand.

"Don't come near me." She spat.

I stayed in my frozen position as she reached out and grabbed the shattered mirror by its golden stem. She looked at the one shard still lodged in the mirror and winced. Her hand formed a claw as she felt the roughness of her seared face. A face that use to be all soft was now very, very different. A new wave of tears consumed her and loud roars and sobs escaped her throat.

My heart ached. She was so beautiful before this. She did have a beauty but it was already tainted by the path she had chosen. I hate to admit it. But her true nature was now to be seen on the outside. I was looking at her as she truly was.

Her face showed distraught of her reflection. She was truly traumatised by her appearance.

Her other hand dragged forward and grabbed a large mirror shard that escaped the frame of the mirror. She curled her fingers around it, her thumb stroking its sharp edge.

"You claim you are my ally." She rasped and stared at the blade. "You claim you care about me."

"I do," I said meekly. "Rika…even after everything that has happened, I can look past it. I want to help you."

My words seemed to have perplexed her. She continued to stare at her reflection. Then her eyes narrowed at my. It was the coldest glare she ever gave me.

"Know this, Sakura Kinomoto, you are no ally of mine. I hope in the end they destroy you like they destroy me. They will make you a cold heartless person like me. You won't escape it. You haven't even noticed it yet, what Meiling has turned you into. How many times do you hesitate before killing? How many children were made orphans because of you? She's making you into exactly what she's made everyone else…a monster."

She began to laugh as I began to shake.

"Well…if you won't kill me, it's probably for the best. You'd be sparing me my dignity."

"You're wrong. I'm not a monster. I'm not." I denied and began to back away from her shaking my head.

"Oh no…you're not. Not yet anyway. But even I can see the change in you. You're sympathy of Takashi's heartbreak has waned, you don't care about killing as much. It may bother you sometimes, but you get over it quicker don't you?"

I hesitated to answer.

"You're not a monster just yet. No, but it's only a matter of time." She smirked, the pink gums on one side of her mouth revealed themselves. "Only a matter of time before you look in the mirror and see your fathers reflection."

Her hand played with the blade like shard as her shoulder oozed blood from the bullet wound.

Then with a dead smile her hand gripped tighter around the shard.

"It's just a shame I won't be around to see it."

Her action was so quick and sharp I could do nothing to stop her as she plunged the shard into her neck.

I screamed and turned around not being able to look at the horrific action she just did. My gun fell out of my hand. My heart raced painfully not being able to process what just happened. My breathing was uneven and frenzied.

Slowly, I turned back and saw a small pool of blood surround her. I felt sick at the sight. My stomach knotted I thought I would pass out. Blood was squirted all up the walls and stained almost every corner of the room, even me. I looked down and saw her blood splatter on my body.

"Rika…oh my…" I stumbled backwards.

I ran. I ran from the scene and didn't stop running until I burst out onto the alley running aimlessly through the dark streets. Why didn't I see it coming? Why couldn't I stop it?

I didn't stop running until I reached a dead end and collapsed. Looking down at my hands which harboured traces of Rika's blood. I wailed loudly not caring who heard me.

There was nothing that could reverse this. She was gone. I didn't know how to feel, I just couldn't erase the image from my head.

There was nothing I could do…

We were never going to call a truce; we were just bitter enemies till the end…

X x x

_Three Days Later…_

I stood at the black gates out daring to cross over to join the rest.

They buried Rika in a small graveyard in the quieter part of Tomoeda. She rested under a willow tree in the corner.

Fanran, Syaoran, Eriol, Naoko, Tomoyo, Takashi and other assassins and workers who knew Li stood by the grave. The rain drizzled down over us and formed a pool around my feet. I said nothing to the others. I didn't want to talk about it. I only told Syaoran about what happened. The others soon found out it was a suicide, though my presence at the time was suspicious to them.

Maybe they believed it was a suicide, maybe they thought I actually did it considering out history. Either way…I didn't care.

They stood in their black clothes like statues around her. I kept my distance for obvious reasons. I didn't know how I felt about it all. I didn't cry for Rika after that night because at the end of the day…we hated each other. Still…she didn't have to die that way.

There was no mass for her. They just dug a hole and that's where she was lowered into inside a box curtsey of Meiling.

Speaking of the devil…

She came up beside me and stopped three feet from me. In public, she couldn't be caught standing too near us. She was just an outsider silently watching on. She was all dressed in black with black sunglasses even though it was raining with a huge black funeral hat.

"I don't know exactly what happened that night, and I don't care. Either way you got the job done. I didn't think you had it in you."

I didn't speak. She was the last person I wanted to speak to. In fact, her very presence angered me. I glare on not answering her.

"You know," She said crossing her arms with a slight smirk on her face. "I have been reluctant to tell you this for some time but…You have surprised me. I never thought that when you first came into my organization, you would impress me so much. Not only do I admire your skill, but I trust you in some way. You have your mothers skill, and your fathers ruthlessness."

"I am nothing like him."

"Oh I've seen your work Sakura. Maybe Syaoran doesn't discuss his methods, but yours are crueler than everyone else. It took Syaoran so long to kill without guilt. He'd need a week to recover after a mission. My father nearly gave up on him. And Eriol? He use to pass out at any sign of blood. And of course there was Fanra and her floods of tears if anyone got hut nevertheless dead." Meiling rolled her eyes.

"But not you. You took it up like a second nature. In through no fault of your own…you killed Rika, no matter how you want to look at it." Meiling actually smiled "I'm happy to say, you're my proudest creation."

"I am nothing like you Meiling." I spat not looking at her.

"No, you're not…but you are becoming exactly what I want you to be."

With that she turned her heel and walked away leaving me pale with her words, confirming that what Rika said was possibly true…

X x x

I got irresponsibly drunk.

I don't really remember what happened, just that the warm feeling of whiskey in my stomach felt good.

I never drank before this. I was a good girl before Li. Tonight of all nights was a bad night to experiment with alcohol and giving the depressed state I was in I didn't know when to stop.

I ended up in an old mans bar on a side street. The air was thick with the smoke that whistled off peoples cigarettes. I sat at the end on a bar stool looking into yet another empty glass. Behind me, old men exchanged stories of their youth and labour, to my left, they played snooker clanking the balls together and drunkly singing merrily in their victory. There were a few lonely souls like me who kept to themselves.

The barman cleaned glasses making suspicious side glances at me and now and again wiping his sweating bold head with the same towel her used to dry. There were others who noticed my presence. The men around the snooker table have been whispering about me for a while and making sexual jokes at my expense.

I suppose I was a bit strange looking being the only girl in a place like this. The more I drank the less I cared what they thought about me.

Why can't I shake Rika's words from my head?

_She's making you into exactly what she's making everyone else…a monster._

No, I'm not a monster. I'm not cold hearted. I wanted to help Rika when I could have killed her. I am not like my father…I'm no! My hand formed a fist and struck the counter, attracting a few stares.

Yeah, maybe I'm not as hesitant as I use to be. Maybe yeah, I am use to killing but that doesn't make me a bad guy does it?

Then one of the older men from the snooker table laughed, looked back at his friends with a win and came towards me.

What happened to Rika was her own fault! If she didn't push me into it, none of this would have happened!

_I felt his presence behind me._

Am I thinking like Fujitaka would think? Blaming this on Rika? Is that what my mother would have done? How is it she turned out a gentle person with the profession she had and remained untainted by her world?

_He coughed behind me._

Maybe she had a way of switching herself off from the world of Li. But how? How could she not let the horrors of her life not sweep into her other life like I did?

"Hey there sexy." He said leaning on the bar inches from me.

I did not look at him but remained in a daze and in complete thought but all the time aware of his presence.

"You look pretty lonely, want some company?" He said with a slimy grin as his eyes travelled to my cleavage and lingered there. The smell of alcohol radiating from his mouth was overwhelming.

"With a body like that sexy, this grubby place doesn't suit you. My place would."

I continued to ignore him and remained in deep thought. He was at least three times the width of me with fat and he kept licking his fat rubbery lips while running a hand through the very little hair on his greasy balding head cleverly disguised by a poor comb over.

"That's ok, you don't have to talk. We can just be lonely together."

His hand bravely and unashamedly rested on my ass.

I didn't even flinch as he rubbed it feeling like he was getting somewhere with me.

"Move your hand, or I'll break it." I said in a low but surprisingly calm voice. To be honest, this was exactly what I needed, and excuse for a fight.

"Excuse doll?" He said raising an eyebrow and creasing his double chin.

Behind me I heard his friends laugh and cackle.

This time I gave him an icy glare but still didn't flinch.

"I said. Move you hand….or I will break it."

He smirked and raised his hand to strike my ass.

That's it.

Like lightning I ducked under his hand and kneed him in the groin. He keeled over but before he could slump to the ground I grabbed him by his bad comb over and slammed his head into the counter hearing his head crack. He screamed which added to my delight as grabbed his arm and with my foot, kicked his elbow in backwards hearing an ear-shattering crack which could be heard anywhere in Tomoeda.

I watched as tears rolled down his face and with a smile I crashed his hand onto the counter mashing his wrist and hearing his knuckled dislocate.

He slumped to the floor in agony not able to move but simply lie in pain.

Then rest of his cronies scanned the room in disbelief and I welcomed it when they began to gang up on me.

I threw them across the room as escaping with a busted lip and a punch across the cheek only because my alcohol consumption had slightly blurred. I raised my fist only for it to be stopped before it struck down a mans face.

"What are you doing?" Syaoran grumbled at me.

I stuttered as he knocked out the last two men while hanging onto my wrist.

Suddenly I became angry and frustrated with him. I tugged my wrist from his grasp and slurred, "What do you want? I can take care of myself," I said punching his chest and stumbling backwards.

"I never figured you'd be a mean drunk." He said raising an eyebrow and continuing to lead me through the bar as I stumbled over unconscious bodies.

I would have pulled away but my dizzying vision was not helping me.

When we emerged into the cold air it was like a punch to the face. He somehow managed to drag me over to his car and open the door.

"Let go!" I screamed and freed myself once again from him.

"Sakura what-"

"What are you hiding from me!" I screamed and outstretched my arms.

He stood with a shocked expression but I was not letting this go. For a second his mouth could say nothing.

"Sakura." He said with his hands on my shoulders. "You're upset. I understand ok. Just please, lets go home." He begged as all around us drizzle began to descend.

X x x

As he set me down onto his bed I sighed and felt the shame that came with being sober seep in.

I embraced myself and sat up. I didn't want to sleep because every time I did I saw Rika's face and hated myself.

"What's wrong now?" He asked kneeling down in front of me.

I felt so drained that I wanted to cry but I couldn't. It hurt and if anything, I wanted to just stop crying forever.

He looked up at me with his amber eyes filled with pity for me. His wild brown hair was tamer than usual and under the darkness of the room he seemed to be my hero…my hero with a secret.

I bit my lip. At this point in time I hated myself more than I ever did.

"Talk to me Sakura." He said clasping his hand over mine.

"I didn't kill her…you know that right."

"Of course I do. But none of it was your fault." He said reassuring me.

How can he still love me? I knew what I was becoming and I couldn't undo it. I'm becoming my father and there was nothing I could do.

"I'm not like him, tell me I'm not like him." I whimpered feeling the tears fall down my face.

I fell forward into him and he caught me and lifted me back. I dug my fingers into his back and cried.

"You're nothing like him Sakura, nothing like him." He soothed.

It felt as if Syaoran was constantly nursing me lately. I needed to get a grip, I had to sort myself out and snap out of this phase of self pity. Syaoran's strong arms encircled me making me feel comfort.

"Sakura… You know, I haven't been completely honest with you. And you're right, there is something I have to tell you. I just don't think you…you'll want me after-"

"No Syaoran." I said interrupting him and looking into his eyes. "I don't want to know, not tonight anyway. I can't handle anything else. If it's going to hurt me then I don't think I want to know."

He looked down at me for a while biting his tongue. I knew it by the look on his face his secret could hurt me. I don't want to know if that's the case. Whatever it was Rika was going to reveal to me…It was obviously was something that would hurt at my expense.

He was probably confused with my bi-polar behaviour. Wanting to know his secret one minute then the next thing hiding it.

"You're all I have Syaoran." I confessed clutching his t-shirt as if he would flee. "I have nothing now, just you. I don't want you to say anything that will make me hate you. I don't think anything could make me hate you." I admitted meaning that.

There is not an act in the world I saw Syaoran doing, other that being with Meiling, that I could not forgive him for. He was already a killer. If I could accept that about him…I could accept almost anything.

He truly meant everything to me and when I did get revenge for my mothers death, I would return to his side. At the beginning I wanted nothing more than to seek vengeance and flee Li. But now…even though it is turning me into a cold, cold person…I would still go back for him.

Maybe that's why I felt so ashamed. Maybe the reason I felt so ashamed at myself is that I was willingly letting myself kill for Syaoran instead of renouncing myself and returning back to some sort of normality.

We lay on the bed with no sound but his gentle breathing and my occasional sighs. He kissed me trying to make these bad feelings go away, but they didn't. They were still there momentarily distracted.

"Do you mean that? " He asked holding me close to him.

I nodded. Whatever his secret was…I didn't want to find out. As long as he meant it when he said I was his, and he loved me alone…he wouldn't hurt me.

"I remember," He said with a coy smile. "In the warehouse, you holding your gun like a scared child." He laughed reminiscing. "I remember afterwards when you practically begged us to let you go. When you said you weren't good enough for Li."

I smiled. I can remember all too clearly. When I first saw him and I knew…I just knew he was different.

"I remember telling you I'd make you great, like your mother. Not for your sake, but for your mothers. I didn't care too much for you but…that changed." His tone became soft, almost like he was lost in his own thoughts. "And you are, but you did most of it yourself. I guess I'm just lucky we turned out differently than I thought we would." He smiled and kissed the top of my forehead. "Now look at you." His voice was full of praise.

Yeah...look at me now.

As he pulled me under the covers, undressing me, I began to think that the universe works in mysterious ways. I suppose. How Syaoran and I ended up together I shall never know. But whatever he was keeping me from, I won't let it break us.

I guess Rika's grave will have to remain silent and for now, and endure a laugh less night…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

"Here." He said tossing a brown envelope onto my lap. "Clow sent these…"

By the tone Yue was using, I was suspicious, worried even.

I cautiously opened it eyeing him at the same time. I didn't like it when he was like this. His face was stern as I opened the envelope and saw A4 photos.

What I saw made me tremble.

"They were spotted at various different locations. At least now, we know where they are."

My breathing intensified as I flickered through the pictures.

Naoko's face was shielded by her bangs but I knew it was her carrying a large bag in a turtle neck. Then Takashi, who looked very different then from our last meeting. Then Fanran, looking the very same, my old friend. Her photo's were slightly blurred but her sharp features were still visible.

The nest one I nearly tore to pieces when I saw it. My mouth twisted up in disgust.

"Kayami." I spat hating how the name tasted in my mouth.

I discarded the page and continued to flicker through the other ones.

"I thought it was best that the boss…didn't see this one…" He hesitated before revealing a final photo to me.

My heart stopped there and then. My face must have bleached of colour as my hands began to tremble.

It was him…Syaoran…

"H-he's still alive then." I tried to laugh but there was no fooling Yue, he knew my past. He knew everything. I couldn't pretend to be a stone around him…that it didn't matter…

"Look closer." He said stiffly which made my stomach knot.

As I focussed my eyes away from Syaoran my eyes fell on her. At first…I thought I was looking at myself, a self portrait of my younger years. But then I noticed my scar less face.

"Yue…What is…"

I gasped loudly feeling my insides twist into a tight knot.

Her face, her eyes her nose her mouth is..is…

No, no this is wrong! This picture…it's wrong! It simply cannot be right. A girl who looks just like me but…is different. Her hair stops at her collar bone. Her small face is identical to mine. Her small plump lips reflect mine…

"When were these photos taken?" I asked with my voice shaking uncontrollably.

"Last week, In Tomoeda. We lost their whereabouts though…" He answered in a stern voice that reinforced that what I was thinking as in fact…true.

This girl…this girl in the picture who was looking at Syaoran unafraid is…

"Is she, who I suspect she is?" Yue asked waiting in anticipation.

My voice got caught in my throat. I couldn't answer him because I didn't want t say her name. This can't be happening! No, she shouldn't be with him! She _can't_ be with him, in Tomoeda!

I thought I was going to be sick. This must be a dream!

"Who else seen this photo?" I asked meekly holding it close.

"No one, only me."

I was grateful for his loyalty.

But as I looked down I saw this was all too real…this was her, next to her father. H-how did this come to happen? The one thing I prayed would never happen, the one thing I thought I took care of years ago had been foiled.

I felt panic like never before.

The black and white photo shook in my hand.

Suddenly things were starting to go wrong. I looked out onto the night sky and already plotted deep inside my mind to undo this…

It was surreal to look at her, my child, my baby, grown up…my….

"Rhaya…"

X x x

**Hope you liked it!**

**The whole thing was more or less about Rika. Rika's death was not in vein, if my plot goes according to plan Rika will still cause trouble beyond the grave in the next chapter! (Not in a supernatural way!)**

**This chapter was all Sakura's POV but the next one will have a bit of Eriol/Syaoran/Rae/Sakura POV with a new character and a secret finally revealed! **

**Oh and on a separate note, I GOT A PLACE IN COLLEGE AAAAHHHHHHHH! **

**Thought I'd share that with you all and say thanks for reviewing even during my exams and all that :P writing Fanfics was a nice break from all the studying!**

**As always….R&R!**

**X x x**


	19. The Sting of Betrayal

******Chapter 19! Enjoy!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

I twirled around the room with the vacuum in my hand and belting out a tune probably out of key with the MP3 Fanran gave me.

Syaoran rolled his eyes as he emptied his coffee, yawned and gave a subtle wave to me as he left. For me, extreme cleaning was a relaxing kind of a thing. Something told me Syaoran had a very different opinion on it.

Syaoran and I have been living together for about four months now and without a doubt my attitude towards him has changed greatly. No longer was he a fearful and threatening like I first presumed. Not to say we're a close knit inseparable family. For the moment, we were like close roommates except of course he had more authority since I was, after all, not paying rent.

It was such a shame she died in an explosion. I thought there would have been more to the story considering Naoko was so saddened by it. Syaoran assured me she was just over reacting and that Rika died a day after the explosion from fatal wounds.

Right now he was all I had and I was happy to be in his company, like I should be around my dad. I visited Rika's grave since, with his constant presence of course.

There that word was again…dad…

Since Dayaki I guess I didn't know what to think about that. I haven't called him it since. It was simply a moment of sentimentality where the word 'Dad' was appropriate. To use it freely would rob the authenticity of it. Maybe there would be another moment in the near future where it will be appropriate to call him it again.

When he left the apartment I whistled my way through the rooms stopping at the last one.

I cocked my head to the side as my mouth formed a very small 'o'

Syaoran's room laid ajar, something I never seen before. I switched of the noisy vacuum. The muffling noise came to a stop.

Looking left and right I felt sceptical. I don't know why but I got the feeling Syaoran wouldn't exactly want me to go in there.

I shrugged to myself. He never told me _not _to go in there…Anyway, I was only cleaning, I was doing him a favour.

I opened the door, I didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't this. There was nothing strikingly odd or bad about it. There was just…nothing.

There was his bed which lay against the back wall. There was a desk which had nothing on its maple surface. A wardrobe planted opposite the bed and a big window which gave an appealing view of the city.

That was it…

The room was so…bare, so stripped of life and any indication that a man lived here. It was bone chilling. He had no pictures, no plants of colours other than cream walls, furniture. It was like a hotel room for a temporary resident. There was no trace of character.

I sighed.

Oh Syaoran, sometimes, for the strongest person I know I fell so sorry for you. My mother's room was probably kept as a shrine before I came here. I wonder what his life was like after my mother and before me.

I began to vacuum again in my deep thoughts. I moved the hover under the bed until I heard the _'clank' _of something. I raised an eyebrow and hunched down on my hands and knees to see what it was.

Under his bed was dark so I reached in and grabbed something cool. I sighed when I saw it was a bottle of Vodka half full. Or was it half empty?

Either way I returned it to where it was. I haven't seen Syaoran drink heavily since I came here. A beer every now and again but that was it.

I grunted loudly when once again the vacuum came into blunt contact with yet another object. Again, I bent down to retrieve it thinking it was another bottle. It wasn't.

A small blue box sat in my hand with a layer of dust sleeping on its pale blue lid. I eyed it suspiciously until my curiosity could no more contain itself. Dust particles danced around it as I removed the lid and inside there were small pieces of paper lodged within.

I plucked one out and saw that it was actually an envelope. All of these papers were envelopes which contained letters.

Again I glanced back at the door and found the house lay empty and still. I bit my lip as I opened its fragile exterior and folded out one letter.

_Syaoran,_

_The fact you've even tried to contact me after what you did just proves to me that my word and feelings mean nothing to you. After everything that's happened you have to keep pushing it don't you?_

_I meant it when I said I never wanted to speak to you again. All that time you knew, you knew and you led me on making me think differently. You said you loved me and genuinely made me believe that when all the time you knew the truth and made me look like a fool, just like Rika said you would. _

_Your excuses mean nothing to me. Nothing you can say will ever justify what you did and you know yourself, you could have done things differently with both myself and her. _

_I once told you I could never hate you, I honestly believed that. Now, I don't know if I can keep to my word. Out of all people, I never imagined you would do it. I thought you were different than the others. But you're nothing more than one of Meilings puppets. You really are a cold and heartless monster, Meilings proudest creation. _

_And if that wasn't bad enough, you sided with Meiling in the end and now look where I am! The worst place in the world, second only of course, to being with you. _

_I won't forgive you for this Syaoran. I won't forget either. I can't trust you, or any of them. You have all crushed any hope or trust I had in people. Now I know not to be so foolish as to make the same mistake twice. _

_Never make contact with me again, never try and find me. I want nothing more to do with you. Ever. _

_You're a manipulative, hateful bastard! I cannot form a lower opinion of you right now. Maybe I'll calm down, maybe in a parallel universe I will see it from your point of view, but don't hold your breath…_

_Sakura_

_P.S. I hope Meiling is milking you for all your worth. _

My mouth fell in shock.

I didn't know how to react to the words on this page. I breathed deeply in and out trying to snap out of my confusion. This letter…was obviously addressed to Syaoran…from my mother.

My eyes scanned it over and over again not knowing how the relationship of my parents got like this. From what Syaoran talks about, he still loves her.

What does she mean? What did my father do that made her not want to see him again? I couldn't possible think of any explanation. My fingers traced her delicate handwriting wondering how strong the words she wrote were.

'_Your excuses mean nothing to me'_

What did you do Syaoran?

I glanced down at the box. There were other letters. The paper was so delicate and old that if not handled carefully they could crumble in your hand. I bit my lip as my hands ventured to the next letter.

The crease marks on them told me they were read several times over and over again.

The other letters didn't make as much sense because she was responding to his questions.

'_I may have calmed down Syaoran, but I still will never forgive you…it's best not to see each other…It won't be the same…too much betrayal from all of you…Stop making excuses Syaoran, you couldn have just said no.'_

I became so confused. My mind couldn't possibly piece the mystery together.

From behind me I heard the front door open and shut followed by his footsteps closing in.

Shit!

All around me the letters were scattered, I couldn't cover it up. He was bound to find out what I did.

Then again…did I want to hide it? Maybe it was time to stop all of this. Stop all the tip-toeing around serious issues. I was not a complete child and since coming to Tomoeda, I've experienced more than my fair share of the grim life my father grew up in.

I wanted answers. Tomoyo sent me here for a reason. I wanted them now. There was no way I was going to be able to go on like nothing was wrong knowing this letter was written to him with the intention to hurt him.

"Rae…" I heard him say from behind me.

I made stern eye contact with him.

For a moment he said nothing but watched me, taking in the scene and sussing it all up in his head.

"What are you-"

"I found them by accident…I'm glad I did now." I looked down at them in my hands.

I didn't know what to say to him. I felt pity for him. His eyes saddened in a second. It was like suddenly the last seventeen years came crashing down on him in one hard blow. My heart ached for events I wasn't even born in.

"What did you do Syaoran?" I asked keeping my voice steady.

He walked slowly into the room, shutting the door lightly as he did so. I thought he was going to take the letters off me, tell me to leave and shut the door in my face like shuts his past off from me.

But no…this time he sat down beside me. He seemed to have aged in the past minute. There was no fire in his amber eyes, just an extinguished candle. We sat side by side with our backs against the bed staring at the blankness of the opposite wall.

"Your grandmother, Nadeshiko…she was an amazing assassin, and woman." He said with the smallest smile forming onto his lips.

I looked at my hands. "Syaoran…"

"I'll tell you what happened; I guess I'm just trying to ease myself into it." He began to fidget. This was the first time I've ever seen Syaoran be nervous while speaking. Even when he found out I was his daughter, he was more angry than nervous.

"Yeah…Nadeshiko was something else…"

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 and a Half Years Ago**

The smell of freshly brewed coffee attracted me into the kitchen where he stood.

"Morning." I mumbled sleepily and wrapped my arms around his shirtless waist.

He chuckled lowly and brought his hand back to pat my head.

"You slept through the whole night I noticed." He said with a smirk making me feel like I was a three year old.

I pressed my head into his naked and muttered. "Yeah."

A month has passed since Rika's death and my sleeping pattern was returning to me. I plonked myself onto the kitchen chair and sighed looking out onto the rainy, miserable day. Lately, things were changing in Li. Roles were being altered. For example, relations between Eriol and Meiling were becoming tenser by the day.

Of course Eriol reported for his duties but I was seeing him less and less. They were less tolerant of each other nowadays which worked in his favour because he sees Tomoyo a lot more. Tomoyo, of course is ecstatic about that.

Another strange thing that's happened is the seemingly promotion of Takashi's part. While Eriol was disappearing, Takashi was filling in his place. He was always in Meiling's office going through the after math of missions. He was given more superior jobs lately too. But his personality was what took a major change.

No longer was he Takashi the humble. No, nowadays I try and avoid him. Now I can only describe him as sly and bitter. Of course, it stemmed back to Chiharu. But he gave me the creeps. He knew about Syaoran and I, and was not at all nervous about dropping in sly comments about it.

Sometimes, they were borderline threatening. I hated being intimate in the slightest with Syaoran knowing he was in the same building.

Meiling was delighted with his transformation though. He was at her beck and call in a different way than usual. She had more respect for him now.

I too was getting a role change. Meiling treated me as if we were almost…friends? I know it sounds crazy. But she asks my opinion now, she talks about my brother and when I can get time off. I get more days off too _and _I have people working for _me_ now. It was all too strange. I guess with Rika's death it meant her place would have to be filled by others.

I had to admit though…I liked Meilings fondness of me. It sounds stupid, but I loved her praised, yet despised her at the same time. If she knew I was sleeping with Syaoran…

Syaoran, as per usual, was Meiling's right hand man, never to be budged. Her advances towards him are more obvious now. She has no shame. It sickens me how he responds to her, making her feel like she was in power. He was so different around her. Little did she know what was really going on.

He truly made her believe that she was the only woman he had his eyes for. Sometimes I even fell for it, which always made me go into a jealous frenzy, hence made Syaoran and I fight.

He swears it's nothing, and doesn't sleep with her anymore.

"It's my mother's birthday." I mumbled to him.

"I know." He replied.

"You do?"

"Of course." He said slurping his coffee and looking out at the pouring rain.

"Syaoran…what was she like?" I asked. "I mean, you must have seen her just as much as I had. You have so much respect for her. She must have been close to you."

"She was nothing short of amazing. She reunited me with Fanran. She thought me everything I knew. I guess I owe my life to her." His tone saddened.

Sometimes I thought it was strange when he talked about my mother. He became nostalgic. A weird aura came over him. It sounds bizarre but…All them months back when Syaoran was training me…I use to think he had some sort of infatuation with my mother. Just the way he talked about her, his eyes fill up with rage thinking about her death.

Tomoyo reassured me with confidence that I was just being silly. She said that Syaoran and my mother were close but she was sure that was it.

I knew it was just my over active imagination. But I did know for sure, Syaoran wanted my father dead just as much as I did.

His phone started to ring. My mouth formed a hard line when he answered it to Meiling. After a few exchanged words he sighed.

"Yes Meiling." He said in a not so pleased way as he hung up.

"Going somewhere?" I asked in a bitter voice and slurped my coffee.

"I'll be back soon." He muttered throwing on a coat.

"What does she want that can't wait till Monday?" My voice was filled with obvious suspicion.

He sighed loudly angry with what I was implying.

"You still don't trust me? Do you?" He was getting angry but I didn't care, let him be angry at me.

"Well excuse me for being suspicious when the woman you use to sleep with calls upon you on a Sunday. You never work on a Sunday." I gritted my teeth.

"Use to, Sakura, _use to. _What is it going to take for you to just fucking trust me." He said with his voice rising.

I rolled my eyes and stalked off. He grabbed my arm in a tight lock and forced me to face him.

"You _know _I won't touch her." He actually looked hurt. I felt bad. As usual Meiling got between us without even being here.

"Ok." I said stiffly.

He kissed me even though I wasn't too happy about it and left. I sighed, something I was doing a lot lately. I hated to fight with him. I hate starting fights too. Hard to believe a pleasant conversation came up prior to that little dispute.

I went back and sank into his bed which now felt quite cold without his presence. My hand pressed against his pillow. Maybe I'm just needy, or possessive.

I guess I just love him that much that I hate it when he has to leave me.

I began to laugh at myself and grinning like an idiot.

I _love _him. I never get tired of telling myself that, or hearing it from him. Yeah…I guess to me, Syaoran was almost perfect…almost.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Later That Day**

"Meiling?" I called into the large and cold mansion.

I was soaked to the skin from the relentless rain that was on going outside. There was a large fire roaring in her living room that radiated heat. I followed it and found her hunched over, head in hands as her fingers gripped at her scalp.

When she heard me her head rose up.

"Oh, I forgot I called you." She said drowsily.

For a second I was taken aback. Meiling looked…terrible. Her face was at its palest, sickly even. It took quite some effort for her to keep her eyes open. She was the image of death. In front of her, pages and pages lay scattered on the coffee table and they spilled over the table like the waterfall of debt that it was.

I knew what this sight meant, we were in trouble, Meiling was in trouble.

I walked over to the fireplace to warm myself. I didn't want to say anything. Knowing her bi-polar personality, if I say the wrong thing I could end up with a knife through my head.

"How bad is it?" I asked chancing those words were safe enough.

I heard a short stock laugh from her.

"Bad." She retorted. "We're in trouble. There's no money… I can't…repay…" I was in shock.

Never has Meiling admitted her flaws, never has she revealed situations in full…it must be bad…

"We can bluff our way into more time can't we?"

She shook her head. "Clow wants his money…now. Damn my father! That bastard borrowing money of his rival, then leaving it to me to pay his debt!" She fumed and kicked over the table sending all the pages flying threateningly close to the fire.

I kept my mouth shut. Technically, Meiling, your father was in the middle of repaying the debt…but then you had Eriol kill him…

"We have time Meiling." I said trying to calm her.

"We don't have time!" She barked. "Tsukishiro is coming for his money, TODAY!" The panic in her voice even made me fearful of events to come.

Silence descended and we stayed in deep thought trying to think of a way out of this. Why did she want me? Eriol always took care of some of the financial woes. Takashi even…I had nothing to do with it.

"Jeeze and my father said I was lucky to be here." Came a voice from a chair in the far corner.

I never even noticed her sitting there quietly. He long dark brown hair fell in waved down her shoulders. Her long face had an expression of utter boredom. She was filling her nails one sharp stroke at a time. Her legs dangled off the arm of the chair in a care-less way.

Her pale blue eyes fell onto mine and she cocked her head to the side.

"If I knew you were as poor as a third world country I would have stayed in Korea." She scoffed.

Meiling pinched her nose and sighed. "This is Kayami, my niece."

Kayami smiled a small smile and I just nodded briefly at her and looked away. If she was a relation to Meiling, I didn't want to get that much involved. I would keep my distance.

"So why you are so broke? I thought you were the brains behind this organisation. Ain't ya got some money stored somewhere? Like in a big safe?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

Meiling rolled her eyes. She was obviously trying to keep her cool with the new family member.

"Kayami…go make yourself scare." She aid sawing her teeth back and forth.

Kayami sighed loudly and crossed her arms. "Do what? There is _nothing _to do around here."

Meiling slammed the folder down. "Fine, I'll send Sakura around to move you into the apartment. Until then just wait outside I've an important meeting soon."

Kayami hopped onto her feet and rolled her eyes and gave me once last glace before stalking off. When she left the room I knitted my eyebrows together.

"Niece…Meiling?"

She put her hand up. "Don't ask. My uncle was on life support for years until they finally decided to pull the plug, his wife had a mental breakdown and I got stuck with their daughter to me."

That was a hard life even for me..

I became consumed in my own thoughts I never even noticed Meiling walk up to me and sink her head into my chest. I froze from the unexpectedness and shock of it. Normally my arms would encircle her in false worry. The old me would have played the role of the comforter, then something else.

It's been a while since Meiling called upon me for unprofessional things. Her open flirtation of me was as obvious as ever but there was never any time for her to see me alone thank God. I shamefully responded to her advances, making her believe they were true and full of lust. I had to keep her sane, afterall. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't now how to get out of it without causing suspicion.

Now, I couldn't even give her a false smile. Her forehead, her body was so cold and revolting to me. I could feel her eyes narrow as slowly her head rolled up to meet my eyes.

I hesitated to look down at her but when I did…she wasn't happy. Her black eyes became sharp and suspicious.

I stood ridged and at a loss for any words that would reassure her that I hadn't betrayed her. I wouldn't do anything that would go back on my promise to Sakura.

"You're different Syaoran." She said gritting her teeth and backed away when she realised I was not going to comfort her. "Not just now…but recently." Her eyes became cold once again.

"I guess I'm just tired." I said dryly.

She slurped back a brandy and tossed it back onto the table where it skilfully landed the right way up.

A small smirk formed onto her face.

"Why don't we go and lie down in my room then?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

Her slow walk towards me made me shudder a little. Her thin hand traced lined on my arm. I felt like a statue in a museum. Her museum, something to look at and admire and use when she felt like.

For the first time in a long time I felt that feeling that only she made me feel. Shame.

I could feel myself being dragged back into her possession. I knew what she wanted, what she desired. How could I possibly have forgotten what this felt like?

I knew why…it was Sakura. She blocked out all there shameful feelings and humiliation. She gave me a glimpse into the type of man I could be, only for me to collapse back to what I use to be.

"Why so quiet Syaoran?" She asked getting angry as each second painfully passed. "You're not one to hesitate.

I knew the tone in her voice. I could practically hear the bi-polar switch in her flick. Her hand formed a claw and grabbed my shirt, her nails digging into my skin.

I don't know how but I forced a charming smile I knew would calm her. It was so difficult to do, I didn't think I would hold it together.

"I'm sorry, Meiling." I said smoothing my voice. "I guess it's just been a while."

She relaxed. "It has. I almost forgot what it was like with you in my bed." She tugged me towards her room.

What was I doing? Why was I following her? Damn it! My feet were heavy with each step I took.

What am I to do? I _can't _sleep with her and face Sakura again. I couldn't do that to myself or her. On the other side, there was absolutely no way I could tell her about Sakura or even throw suspicion on that. Shit!

Meiling's anger was one thing but her jealousy was another. She actually trusted Sakura now. I don't remember the last time Meiling placed any trust in anyone. If she found out about us…Sakura would be dead.

I cannot let that happen.

As we neared her room my mind was caught in a flurry of thoughts and not able to conceive a clear one.

Then my feet made the independent decision of rooting themselves to the ground.

"Meiling."

She too froze.

"You have a meeting soon. I should be going." I didn't even stay to see the incredulous look on her face.

I turned to leave but ducked when I heard a large vase being hurled my way. It smashed into the wall and rained little parts of porcelain.

"You will leave when I fucking tell you to!" She roared so loudly I was sure all her servants went into hiding.

She marched forward and slapped my face before grabbing the hair at the nape of my neck with fingers determined to rip every strand out. I would have defended myself easily, but that would add fuel to the fire.

"Who is she?" She snarled.

There was a split second of panic in my head before I told her there was no one else.

"I don't believe you." Even the veins in the whites of her eyes were pulsating in anger. "You better tell my Syaoran. If you're lying to me I'll find her. I'll put her in a nice little grave beside Chiharu."

She released me, turned around and kicked the table. Her rage was taking over again. Her hands became fists and strands of her hair dared to become loose. She was deranged with her jealousy.

"You belong to ME!" She screamed darting a finger at me. "I own your life Syaoran, you serve me and you will do WHATEVER I TELL YOU!" She wailed like a child having a tantrum.

I didn't dare move. For once I didn't know how to control her. Her emotions, which were normally so easy to manipulate had become so out of control not even I could handle them. It wasn't just to do with me…it was everything. The stress, the debts, Clow…it was all collapsing on her head and I was an easy punching bag.

"You're MINE. I OWN YOU!"

Her voice then hollowed down to a quiet and dark tone. "And you won't leave until I'm happy." A sickening smile consumed her face.

"Watch me." I said coolly and left her.

"Syaoran!" She shouted and came after me.

I caught her hand mid-strike and with my free hand, I struck her.

Her flesh against my hand was so fragile I thought I broke her jaw. I was a moment of anger. I never in my life wanted to strike a woman…not even Meiling. I just wanted to silence her. I just wanted her to stop calling me her possession.

A small laugh admitted form her mouth. Her hair fell from her face and for a bizarre reason she smiled winningly at me.

"Well, well, look who's finally after all these years standing up for himself. It took you long enough." She put her fingers to her mouth where I hit her.

Her body was suspended in the air only because I was holding her wrist still.

"I think I like you even better now Syaoran." She said licking her lips.

I dropped her and fled. How…_How _could I ever have been attracted to her? How did I ever kiss her, touch her? I felt sick. To think I knowingly let that woman touch me…use me. The shame, the shame of being with her was killing me.

I stormed out of her mansion, passing Tsukishiro on the way and not even looking at him.

Why me? I had to break out of her hold-no, I _will_ escape it. She won't use me again. I have Sakura…Meiling won't come between us…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: That same Day**

Damn Meiling to hell anyway.

I mumbled more curses at her expense as I approached her mansion. The rain had poured down and I ran for and became drenched by the time my hand reached the door handle.

I shuffled in lightly and when the door behind me closed there was silence. The two huge brass double doors which lead into her living room were shut tightly and from behind them not a sound was heard.

I turned my head and saw a girl filing her nails in the corner and glaring at the opposite wall. Her hair cascaded down and stopped at her elbows. I sighed mentally.

"Are you Kayami?" I asked knowing the obvious.

Her eyes lazily fell onto me without any enthusiasm. "Who's asking?" She said defensively

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't give a shit what relation she was to Meiling, I wasn't going to get into a feud with _another _Rika.

"I'm here to bring you to our apartment." I answered briefly.

"Our apartment?" She said with surprise and swung her legs over the chair. "Meiling never said anything about sharing!" She exclaimed.

"Tough." I answered taking a sort of dislike to the girl already.

She blew hot air out of her cheeks and crossed her arms. "Fine. I'll just have to get used to it." She huffed picking up her bags and proceeding forward.

Her pout transformed into a smile. She extended her hand out to me. "I'm Kayami by the way. But you already know that!"

When I didn't react she dropped it with an awkward grin. Oh come on Sakura don't be so harsh…

"Sakura." I said briefly and returned a smallish smile.

"You're really pretty." She said. "I'm sure Meiling just hates you for that."

"We butt heads every now and again." I mumbled.

She followed me with her bags and before we made it outside the brass double doors swung open.

"Damn it Meiling this is it! We have had enough of your excuses! If the debt isn't paid in full by next Thursday then it means we'll take it how we can! That of course will mean war!" Tsukishiro boomed and stormed off.

He looked seriously pissed off. I put my hand out to Kayami, signalling her to draw back from him. Tsukishiro kicked a plant in rage. He was so mad that despite his scrawny frame, I thought he would hit me.

I kept my head down as he stormed past us with his briefcase in his hand. His hand reached for the door handle but froze when it landed. His grey eyes narrowed and flickered towards me with a bone chilling smirk on his face.

I shot my head down as he slowly walked towards me. His hand formed a fist as he loosened his tie and pushed back his glasses. He seemed a little more composed.

"My dear, I hate for you to see me like that."

I shuddered.

"Don't worry about it, Mr Tsukishiro." I said and bowed shortly.

Again his smile returned. "I admire your loyalty to Meiling, considering…you know…" He shrugged.

There was something strange in the way he said that. Something that was open for a further reading…an invitation? My curious trait was going on a rampage. My better instinct told me to ignore him. I was better off being clueless but…I simply could not leave it to rest…

"What do you mean…Mr Tsukishiro?"

He laughed, wheezing as he did so.

"Oh you know…"

"No, I don't. You admire me working for Meiling considering…?"

"Well," With a smug grin and a dark glint in his eye he spoke lowly, "Considering the Li organization killed your mother."

When the words left his mouth my heart stopped, then proceeded to thud at a faster pace.

"Wh-What do you mean? My father killed my mother. He claimed to be working for Li but he was a traitor-"

"Oh is that what you were told?" He said raising an eyebrow with an amused look on his face. I felt my face become drained of colour even though I had no idea where he was going with all of this.

"Well, my dear. It seemed that you were misinformed. Your father didn't kill your mother, he wasn't even there when she died."

He said that with so much certainty I wanted to deny it but couldn't.

"What? No you're wrong. I-I was there that night! I saw him it was him I know that!"

"Did you witness him pull the trigger?"

I stood baffled with my knees threatening to give way. He was wrong! I know I wasn't there to witness it, I know I didn't actually see him kill her but…he had to have done it! I know he did! Tsukishiro was trying to wind me up…wasn't he?

"Oh, have I said too much?" He said with false worry and slapped his hand over his mouth.

He knew exactly what he was doing. Whatever fight he had with Meiling he was taking out on me. He wanted me to find something out…something bad.

"If, _if _indeed Fujitaka didn't kill my mother…then…who did?" I said fearing the answer.

He leaned down very close and parted his thin lips and whispered, "Oh I can't tell you that…I'm sure it's on the files." He said with a victorious grin and giving a cold glare towards Meiling's living room before leaving me absolutely gobsmacked.

"Wow, he seems to like you." Kayami said and cocked her head to the side.

I didn't stay. I ran out the doors to catch Tsukishiro but his car had long sped off.

No…he was lying. There was no way…no way that he was telling the truth! He was lying!

If I truly believed this…then why were my feet running towards headquarters to verify that what he said was a lie?

X x x

I can't concentrate…My mind was not even processing the task at hand

Damn it!

I restarted reading the files and codes again. I don't know why I never looked into my mother's murder. I didn't know it was here, and secondly, I-I just assumed…there was no other possible culprit! I _had _to be my father! There was no negotiation! I was purely just proving it to myself it was Fujitaka to silence Tsukishiro's wild theories.

I got a flashback…

The night my mother died…when Fujitaka reversed the car into me…he was sitting on the…

I tried to concentrate…force myself to remember.

He was sitting on the...left side which made him the…passenger…yeah..

Then who was driving the car if not him?

I kept getting the codes and numbers wrong! Why were the files so complicated!? I cursed myself for not listening to Takashi when he went through these with me.

Then finally, after matching dates and codes together, I found a name of her killer.

No…it can't be right…there was no possible way this person did it…no…

Takashi…

X x x

**Eriol's POV: The Same Day**

My thoughts raged as I neared Meiling's chambers.

Our debts were plummeting and although she didn't ask me to, I simply had to intervene. She could try and put up this tough exterior but I knew for certain if no immediate action was taken, Li would be completely bankrupt.

The hallway was silent except for the light snoring of a girl with long brown hair who I didn't know. Her head was lolled back on the chair completely unconscious.

I tried to keep my composure as my hands reached for the brass doors. Things had to change around Li. I had to take a stand, to stop Meiling from completely destroying us.

Then there was light voices from behind the door.

The door was very slightly ajar and within it I saw Meiling's back and she was talking to someone. I knew it was not Tsukishiro because his car was not outside.

Then Takashi's body came into view.

What was he doing there? Meiling never summons him to her mansion.

There was something strange and unnatural about this meeting. Meiling's posture was dead still. Her face was whiter than it ever was and her jaw was locked so tightly. In one hand she held a glass of scotch and beside her the bottle was half empty.

Takashi had an oddly confident smile on his face.

"I didn't want to tell you Meiling…but they are making a fool of you. They sneer behind your back. It doesn't feel right what they are doing. " He said furrowing his brow.

"And…how long…has it been going on?" Meiling asked in a tight quivered voice.

"Months now. I heard him tell her he loved her."

"Are you sure about this…Takashi."

"Oh yes." He said with a dark smile.

Then realisation kicked in. Panic hit me like a blunt force to the face. No…he didn't…

"Sakura and Syaoran have carried out this affair despite how it would make you look Meiling."

Shit…No…Takashi why? WHY would he tell Meiling? How could he possibly utter a single word about it to her? Has he not seen Meiling at her worse? Doesn't he realise that with the amount of stress she's under that telling her this could possibly send her over the edge?

Takashi walked slowly behind Meiling and placed his left hand on the back of her chair. A smug and evil smile consumed his face as his eyes narrowed.

"They all knew about it Meiling. Fanran, Rika,Naoko, Tomoyo…even your trusty Eriol….and he never even thought to tell you. After all you did for them, put a roof over their heads, made them stronger, feared, made them into great people…they repaid you with betrayal. All of them betrayed you Meiling, but I couldn't. Don't let them get away with It Meiling. Show them that you are the boss and you shall be respected as the great leader you are."

He was like a snake hissing into her ear. Planting idea's into her head. I could see the hatred that brewed in Meiling's eyes. I saw the rage bubbling inside of her, ready to explode.

Of course, this was exactly what Takashi wanted. He wanted them to suffer. Syaoran killed Chiharu without a shred of remorse while in the background he carried out a secret affair of his own.

As for the rest of us, we remained silent. Myself, Fanran, Naoko and Tomoyo, we let Takashi suffer without so much as a companion to talk to…no wonder he loathes us enough to try and turn Meiling on us.

But why go to Meiling? She was the one who authorised Chiharu's murder? Shouldn't he hate her the most…?

There was no time to think. Meiling slammed her glass against the coffee and it shattered into little dangerous shards across the floor.

"They will all suffer. They won't get away with making a fool of me!"

"Start with Sakura, Meiling. She was the one who took Syaoran."

I froze.

"No," She said down and twisting her face. "To kill her, is too easy of an escape. I have to think. They will all suffer individually…one way or another…I'll make sure of that. Takashi…I want you in my office every morning…your promoted."

Takashi's smile widened.

I can't just stay here, I had to do something productive to minimize the damage this would cause on all of us. No one was safe, no one except for Takashi. The bastard, turning on his own…

I silently slipped out of the mansion and called Syaorans phone. As it rang another person came to my head.

Tomoyo…if anything, I had to make sure she was safe from the catastrophic storm that was going to come…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Later That Night**

"Takashi!" I roared across the alleyway.

Just before he turned around I shot at him. He was taken off guard and fell backwards.

"S-Sakura!?"

"You fucking bastard!" I screamed and shot at him again.

My aim was messy. I couldn't help it. I was seeing red, deluded by the complete rage I felt towards him. Never had I felt so betrayed. It was him all along! He murdered my…

"What are you talking about Sakura?" He said with a whimpering voice.

Then his face dropped and became innocent. "Oh, you mean _that_? Yeah I did it, and if I'm to be honest, I'm glad I did it." His voice was becoming braver.

I was incredulous. Hatred pumped through my veins. He admitted to it! He confessed without a shred of sorrow of grief!

That…bastard.

"I'll fucking kill you!" I screamed and shot his arm.

He screeched and ducked into an emergency exit which took him into the building. I fled after him. Catching then losing him again. I saw red. This was it, it may not be Fujitaka, but I would get revenge for my mother.

Takashi would die tonight. After tonight I will put all my rage behind me. I will make him suffer.

Did Syaoran know about this? Did he know all along it was Takashi? Is that why he felt no remorse in killing Chiharu? Maybe killing her was Syaoran's revenge for my mother's murder. But WHY would he lie to me and blame my father? Syaoran…you lied to my face!

We burst onto the top floor, the fresh air hit me hard. He fell onto his back and I saw fear in his eyes. He scrambled backwards clutching his wound and keeping an eye on my nearing gun.

"H-How could you Takashi."

"How? HOW? Because it's not fair! It's not fair what you two do! I have to watch you every be the way you are with each other! If I have to suffer, so do you!" He shouted.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but you are going to pay, for my mother's sake." I snarled.

"You think- wait, what? What are you t-talking about?" He stuttered.

"Don't you even deny it Takashi…don't even try."

"Deny what? What are you talking about!?"

"I'm talking about when you MURDERED MY MOTHER!" I roared so loud that all life around us went still in shock for a moment.

He laid in shock pretending to recover from my words. He sickens me. I'd be doing th world a favour by ending him.

"S-sakura I…I didn't kill your mother! There's a mistake!"

"I don't have time to waste on you. I did that to Fujitaka, and now look where that got me. No, I'm going to kill you now you sick piece of scum so that maybe I can finally…put everything to rest!" The tears that were burning behind my eyes had broken through. My hand started to become shaky.

No…I cannot be weak now! I won't! This is for my mother!

"Sakura please listen to me! LISTEN. I didn't kill Nadeshiko! I didn't. I was there, but I didn't do it!" He was trembling for his life.

The realisation that my threat to end his life was very, very real. He must see it in my eyes that I was serious. He was going to die.

"I'm innocent, I swear!" I didn't believe him…until he said the next few words, "I swear on Chiharu's life…I DIDN'T KILL YOUR MOTHER! I wasn't even there!"

The desperation in his voice rang out like a fog horn. I hesitated. I didn't know what to believe anymore. Tsukishiro's voice was in my head, Meiling's slanders of my mother, Takashi's plea…if Takashi did this…then why didn't Syaoran tell me?

Tears streamed down my eyes. Why, why was this happening? Why was the universe so against anything that would give me closure? Why was it that every time I thought I was a step closer to achieving my revenge, something knocks me down. I can't take this!

"If you didn't kill her Takashi then who did? It was Fujitaka, wasn't it? WASN'T IT!?"I roared in desperation.

I needed a straight answer before I crumbled.

"…No, it wasn't Fujitaka."

I gasped. I don't know why…but I expected him to tell me otherwise.

Takashi actually smirked as if the roles were in reverse. He gave a short and evil laugh. Why was he acting so cool? What was going on!?

"If you say you didn't kill her…and Fujitaka didn't…then WHO DID?"

Then I felt the cool and harsh metal of a gun press against the nape of my neck. I shuddered when I hears the gun being cocked…

"I did." Said the person behind me…

Through my tear stained eyes I turned around to meet the all too familiar voice. Though I knew already who the voice of the culprit was, I had to see.

No…it can't be…not him…no…

Syaoran.

X x x

**Dun, dun, duuuuun!**

**Some of you may have seen that coming from a few chapters back!**

**The next chapter Meiling's going to get mean with personal revenge, a bit of Syaoran's childhood and Sakura gets some answers! :D**

**I love reviews so R&R as usual please! :)**

**Until then, byeeee!**


	20. Origins Of Syaoran

******Sooooooo sorry it's been a while!**

**Anyways I was going to upload two chapters at the same time but I have no idea when that will be ready so here's just some of what I got. **

**Don't expect a lot out of this chapter it's mostly about Syaoran to clear things up before the next chapter! I had to do a chapter on this anyway so I hope it will keep you going until the next chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

She blinked once…then twice…and said nothing.

I waited and felt myself age with stress as every second of silence ticked by. She had her light amber eyes concentrated onto the floor and her brown scalp shone in the dull light. Her hands rested at her ankles.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why was I kicking myself? I knew this day was always going to come in one form or another from the second I agreed to take her in. The day I had to tell my daughter I killed her grandmother. The day I had to tell my daughter that I wasn't this worn out hero to admire, but rather the villain who drove her mother away and forced her into the messed up life she had now.

Rae didn't react. Her face was blank and unreadable like mine was at times. For the first time in a long time, my heart started to beat hard with nerves. How would she react? Would she hate me? Loath me like her mother did?

Would she want to leave me and want no contact…like Sakura did?

Finally, she tilted her head up and her big round eyes landed on me, making me feel very small. Surprisingly, there was no anger, no hateful slant in her eyes.

Her eyes were soft with an undercurrent of…pity?

Did she pity me? Was she disappointed? Which was worse?

Then suddenly…her body slowly moved in towards me. Her soft rosy cheek pressed against my shoulder and her arms wrapped around my arm. She crossed her legs and shuffled slightly further towards me. It was like she was trying to get as close as possible to me, not letting me go.

I was speechless. Her touch was kind and her fingers pressed lightly into my skin.

"Rae…"

"For whatever reason you did it….I know you didn't mean it. I know you didn't want to hurt her, or my mother. You loved her…it must have killed you to have confessed to her." She said softly.

I felt myself go into shock…

There was no hate of venom in her voice, just sincerity and…love?

She didn't judge me like I thought she would. She didn't jump to a conclusion. She was…understanding me…

How can this be? H-how can she be so understanding? I haven't even told her why I did it and yet…she forgives me.

"She left because of that didn't she? She left you?" She asked with a soothing voice.

"…No…" I said hating to reel the past in again…but it had to be done.

Rae wanted to know me…she deserves answers.

"No, I hurt her again after that." I confessed as I looked up at the grey ceiling.

I didn't want to tell her what happened after that. I was afraid I would lose this kindness she was showing me. I didn't deserve it…

"What happened then?" She asked meekly.

Her red Hollister hoodie was soft against my arm. I sighed heavily and was unable to conceive words. But I had to say something.

"It's ok dad…I won't hate you." She said and I could feel the small soft smile on her face.

My chest stung. I hated the unnecessary kindness she was giving me. No one had been like this to me in so long…nobody. The pain in my chest swelled. Then I recognised the feeling…I…I wanted to cry.

I breathed deeply and nodded. I blinked back what was the beginnings of unmanly tears. Sucking in the stale air I cleared my throat.

I slipped my arm out of her embrace and wrapped it around her shoulder. She fitted perfectly under my arm, like a product of mine.

Perhaps it was the stillness of the room, like the four walls were holding their breath, or maybe it was the strange comfort this child of mine was giving me…but I found my voice again.

I closed my eyes and sucked in the air as I continued on explaining the horrible events of my past.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: 16 And a Half Years Ago**

"I did."

Her posture became rigid, paralysed by terror.

With my gun pointed at the back of her neck, there was something sickly familiar about this. Her head rotated to the side, showing one frantic green eye. When she looked at me, a wave of guilt crashed over my head.

It was too late now, the words were said. There was no going back, no retracting the truth. She knew now. Her bottom lip quivered, adding to the tightening around my own heart.

Her head began to shake, her fringe falling heavily over her eyes.

"No. Why are you saying that? Why are you covering for him?"

Her voice as weak as ever.

"I'm not covering for Takashi Sakura. I did it." I gulped. "I killed Nadeshiko."

Again, her head shook so frantically in denial.

"But the files-"

"They're forged. Meiling made it so that if investigated, Takashi would get the blame and not me. For obvious reasons Meiling would rather see him in jail than me."

I kept my face stony and cold, giving away no emotion. Her eyes swelled up and her mouth became loss for words.

"No...Syaoran…why, why-w-would you? You had no reason you couldn't!" She began to shout.

"I broke in the back door, I tied the dog to the fence outside, I killed Nadeshiko with two bullets to the chest and then I shot Toya. It was me Sakura, I did it. Fujitaka killed nobody."

I was determined to make her see. She said nothing. She couldn't deny it. There was too much detail for her to argue. The look in my eye told her I was not lying.

With each second that passed by I saw myself loose her. As realisation kicked into her mind I could see the innocent green in her eyes turn sour and bitter. The softness of her face hardened until even I, felt a trickle of fear.

She snapped her gun at me until we were both mimicking each other. Our guns in each other's faces.

"Y-you…BASTARD!" She screamed.

My chest tightened with the emotion outpoured in her voice.

"Y-you…It was you all this time..." Her voice hushed to a low and vengeful whisper. "I-I don't understand…why? After all the things you said to me…after everything you said-"

Her words cut off. Her hands quivered, not in upset, but in rage. She couldn't even hold the gun properly.

"Y-you said all those things to me…you let me tell you how much I hated him, let me think it was him when…when…"

"I know Sakura. You don't know how sorry I am."

"Sorry? You're SORRY!?" She screamed. "You think that forgives everything? You think that will bring my mother back to life? You think that erases all we've been through when all this time…you were probably laughing at me!"

"It wasn't like that Sakura, I never imagined us being like this. I didn't think we'd become what we are."

"You are NOTHING to me!" She screamed and this time tears brimmed at her eyes and spilled down her cheeks like an unstoppable dam.

"Sakura I-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses! You said you cared about my mother!"

Sakura cocked the gun and took a threatening step forward. I hadn't moved yet. My gun was still pointed towards her head but I, of course, had no intention of inflicting any wound upon her.

"You think I won't kill you? You think I'll just forgive you and let you live? Was that your plan all along Syaoran? Make me think you loved me so if I found out I wouldn't kill you? Was that it? WAS IT!?"

I shook my head. "I never planned on loving you Sakura. And I don't plan on you sparing my life either."

I lowered my arms and threw the gun away from me. Her eyes followed the gun until in grounded to a halt a few feet away from us.

"What are you doing?"

"I've hurt you Sakura. I lied and betrayed you. It's only right you get your revenge. I told you all along you'd get your revenge. Here it is. I never planned on you killing Fujitaka. Your father had never in his life killed anyone. He's a traitor, but not a murderer."

She stood there confused and angry.

"Pick up your gun Syaoran." She spat.

She got angrier when I didn't budge.

"Pick it up Syaoran! You can't do this to me! It's not fair Syaoran You can't do this!" She chocked and could barely see through her tears. "You can't do this to me!"

"I'm not going to try and hurt you Sakura. This is your revenge, so take it." I knew it wasn't fair to do this to her, to ask her to kill me. If it were the other way around, id sooner take my own life.

I meant what I said. And yes, giving our history from today, I understood why she didn't leap on the opportunity to avenge her mother's true murderer, but she deserved it. My life deserved to end now, and with it, my guilt of Nadeshiko will come to an end.

She hesitated, not moving. I took a brave step forward until her gun touched my chest lightly. I leaned my head in and whispered.

"Forget us Sakura. Forget everything that was said. Just pull the trigger, and you'll have accomplished what you wanted."

Her eyes were unreadable, angry, but there was a lost expression on her face.

The door behind us burst open and Fanran and Eriol came up holding their guns at Sakura.

"Sakura put it down please!" Fanran said.

"Leave her." I barked back at them wishing they would just leave us. "It has nothing to do with you."

Fanran and Eriol didn't budge.

"Don't do anything hasty Sakura." Eriol said in his calm and cool voice even in a situation such as this.

Sakura's eyes flickered narrowly at them. Then her mouth dropped into a small 'o'

"You all knew about this didn't you?" She asked them, already knowing the answer.

Fanran and Eriol said nothing and eyed her gun carefully.

Another minute passed and Sakura lowered her arms.

My hands clamped down on her shoulders. "No Sakura I promised you this so do it now! Ignore them!"

"Syaoran!" Fanran yelled.

Sakura harshly pulled away from me and gave me a glare as cold and icy as Antarctica.

"Stay away from me." She hissed and ran away, leaving me cold and alone.

"She knows I take it." Fanran said sighing.

"I'm afraid I've worse news for you Syaoran." Eriol said from behind me. "It's Meiling…she knows about you and Sakura…"

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Later that night**

"Sakura?" Fanran asked with her light coloured eye poking around the door, afraid to take another step in.

In the darkness I was cloaked in, I choose not to acknowledge her. I sat hunched over on the edge of my bed staring out the window at the city. I was in rage-fuelled daze, replaying Syaoran's face in my head over and over. I just didn't understand.

Why, _why_ did he do it? It made no sense. What was bizarre was that he wanted me to kill him for it. In his amber eyes, he pleaded for death.

"Sakura? Please…" She pleaded in a small voice.

And they all knew all along.

I balled my fists, the urge to strangle someone getting stronger and stronger.

"Sakura, it's not what it sounds like. We knew but…" She trailed off not knowing what to say. "Please just talk to Syaoran, please just hear his side of it."

Hear his side? As if anything he had to say would justify what he did? Nothing he would say could satisfy me! Nothing!

"Get out!" I suddenly shouted.

She jerked back wide eyed and disappeared behind the door. I couldn't control my emptions. All over my body trembles, I was so shaken up with utter confusion and hatred. I wanted answers, someone to tell me why…

Instead I found myself confined with anger to my room, isolated and alone.

I can't face Syaoran now. As much as I wanted to get answers from him…he was the last person I wanted to see.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: The Same Night**

"Maybe I should stay here tonight." Eriol offered as I slumped into my cold apartment.

I shook my head as he stood in the doorframe with a look full of pity for me. "I'll be fine."

He twisted his car keys in his hands, adjusted his glasses and said. "She was going to find out Syaoran. Eventually, this day was to come."

I nodded more to myself. He didn't need to say it. Of course I knew that very well. I just never planned on loving her so much. I never wanted it to get as it did, yet I never stopped it. This was all once again…my fault. As for the whole Meiling knowing about us thing…I didn't even care at the moment.

He didn't know what to say so instead he stayed at the doorframe with a look of uncertainty until he nodded a little to himself and left.

I helped myself to a bottle of whisky. Drowning in my sorrows you could say. The rising smell from the earthy coloured liquid was something of a sad comfort to me.

Nadeshiko…every time I think of you I feel a little twinge of guilt stab the pit of my stomach. I feel my chest tighten at the thoughts of it. If I could have done it all differently I would have. But I guess I was a kid myself. I let you down. I promised to take care of Sakura. If there is this so called heaven…I'm sure you're glaring at me from it.

My hand tightened around the glass and I hunched over letting my head fall into my free hand and rubbing my head. Suddenly I became angry, angry for some reason at Sakura.

She thinks I didn't care about Nadeshiko? She assumes it was easy for me to kill her? That I felt no remorse and still don't feel it!?

I slammed my glass onto the table and let out a groan in annoyance.

Nobody knows…no one knows I'm still haunted by it…by that night.

Nadeshiko…I guess I idolised her. She alone truly knew me. She knew me like no other. After all…I owed everything to her…

X x x

My origins are unknown to me.

I was the only son on Xiao Lang Li and Yelen Li…so Fanran tells me.

My mother was my father's mistress who died shortly after giving birth to me. At the time of my birth, my father was the leader of the then thriving Li organization. Being an illegitimate child, a bastard, I was unfit to carry on the Li title.

My father was assassinated very shortly after my birth. With close family or friends to willingly take care of me, I was dumped at an orphanage in Otakai with nothing but a frail piece of paper with my name on it. Otaki was an un-modernized bleak town where I lived until I was seven.

In the orphanage I was just one of many abandoned children living there under strict and unjust rules. Needless to say, I was an untameable and short tempered child. Though my memories of the place are vague, probably repressed, I do remember the other children being afraid of me. I was too aggressive for my age. Hitting, kicking, punching the other children.

I was a loner and chose to be that way. Home after home I was taken into by eager couples who were desperate for a child, only to find that my nature was too aggressive and angry for the most patient of people to want to love. The parents took me to their big houses, dressed me and fed me and tried to buy me into their hearts. But eventually, they couldn't handle me and my defiance and within as little as a few months I found myself back to the orphanage.

I liked it that way.

I remember them clearly, Mr and Mrs Hadaka.

I was alone, as usual angrily kicking a rock when they approached me. She was short and stocky, sown into her purple velvet coat with ostentatious feathers sticking from her hat. And he, wiping the sweat off his balding head and drooping cheeks.

"Oh Takeo! He's perfect! Look at those adorable eyes! Can we have him?" She said in a high pitched annoying voice.

I can remember glaring at them in hate, like I did the other couples who inspected me like I was a picture in an art museum.

The man leaned in towards me to inspect me further. He knitted his bushy eyebrows together, adjusted and readjusted his glasses until he gave a satisfied grunt.

"Good looking boy m'dear, but don't you want to look at the other children?"

"Oh no, no he's perfect!." She kneeled down towards me with a gleeful smile lost under her pudgy cheeks and reached out to touch my face with a velvet gloved hand.

I retreated a hasty few steps back.

"Come now boy, I'm going to take you home and put you in proper clothes. Doesn't that sound fun? We're going to buy you the best toys too! Oh Takeo I'm so excited! He's just what I imagined. What's your name little boy?" She asked showing her over whitened teeth.

Instead of an answer, I did what I normally did to revolt strangers I didn't want to talk to. I spat at her feet. She wailed and fled behind her scolding husband. I turned my back to them hoping my message was loud and clear.

"Darling, you will have to reconsider someone else other than this foul child!"

"No Takeo! I want this one! I don't like the others, please! We'll put manners on him you'll see!" She pleaded until he agreed.

I fought tooth and nail not to go with them. I kicked and I screamed and I fought but somehow I ended up in the backseat of their limo howling like a child being tortured…

I gulped and mouthful of whiskey and felt it warmly slither into my chest. My stay with the Hadaka's was longer than my stay with any other family. For four long and agonizing years they kept me in their home. They found me every time I ran away, they dressed me in the clothing of their high social status, they tried to buy my obedience in several different ways but I could not be changed.

I hated them like I'm sure they hated me. I was more of a challenge. They were determined to mould me into obedient and tame child. I guess I owe them something, if it weren't for them… Nadeshiko and I would never have crossed paths.

It was a harsh winter night and I knew something was coming.

The clock struck midnight when I heard my first ever gunshots. They are so clear to me, distinct, like your mother's voice, I couldn't forget it. It was enough to stir me out of my dreams that night all those years ago.

I lightly crept out of my bed and like a shadow, walked silently down the hallway until I came to the barrister of the stairs. My eleven year old eyes saw a sight that was unforgettable. Mr and Mrs Hadaka lying face down in their own blood. The funny thing was, I wasn't scared.

The blood that reached forward to stain my bare feet did not frighten me…

Then, from the silence of the murder, stood a woman.

She did not notice me at first, but I noticed her.

Tall, slender, elegant, enigmatic. I stood in shock mesmerized by the sheen of her hair which was the lightest of browns. She glided from one wall to the other with such elegance I couldn't possibly believe she was the culprit of the murder. Her hair was long, curled like waves. She moved with such grace, as if she were floating…

Then, her green eyes flickered towards me.

I gasped.

I never seen a woman quite like her. Her face was pale and soft, almost kind.

She seemed taken aback by my presence. Her soft smile made me feel nervous.

"Little boy," She sighed then. I remember her voice the first time I ever heard it. It was sweet, angelic like. "I wished I didn't see you there." Her eyes became distressed, a look that didn't suit her. "I don't like killing children."

I felt a fear like no other. Her softness mixed with her words was misleading. However…her words were so disturbing at the same time…

"Why don't you go back to bed? I promise, your mom and dad won't be here tomorrow, like it never happened." I heard the clear cut sound of her gun being cocked.

Paralysed with fear and yet the urge to stay with her left me in a state of confusion.

I dashed for it.

It wasn't long before I heard her footsteps following me with ease. She was closing in on me. For an hour I dashed through the mansion I knew so well from my lonely days of exploring it. When she caught up with me, I could give her the slip. I believe it was fear for my life that kept my going until we reached the top floor.

With nowhere to run I opened the window and stood on the ledge. The cold icy air hit sharply in my lungs and I was dizzy and breathing hard.

She found me. Her hair sparked under moonlight, as did her gun. But there was not a look of annoyance on my chaser's face. Instead, there was the strangest smile, one that was soft with no undercurrent of anything sinister.

"It's been years since anyone had ever given me the run around like that. I'm impressed." She said with a nurturing smile. "What's your name child?" She asked softly.

I panted and gripped the window curtain.

"Li Syaoran."

"That's a nice name. I'm very sorry about your parents, they owed a lot of money to the people I work for."

"They're not my parents!" I shouted. "I hate them!"

She cocked her head to the side in surprise. I looked from her to the steep drop outside the window, weighing up my options.

"That fall isn't great enough to kill you sweetheart, it will only break your legs. I can't do anything to help you then."

My lip quivered when I realised she was right. She took a few small steps forward and extended a small pale hand.

"Come on, don't be rash. I won't hurt you." There was a strange aura around her; something soothing the over shadowed the dots of blood on her collar.

"You'll take me back to the orphanage won't you!? Like they all do!"

Again, she cocked her head to the side and was thinking deeply.

"I won't take you anywhere you don't want to go."

"Then what are you going to do with me?" I asked in some sort of fear.

I didn't want her to leave me here by myself. I don't know why but…I wanted to go…with her. She dropped her hand and bit her lip and immersed herself in deep thought. A moment later she looked at me again as if she came to a conclusion.

"You know…I have a little girl about your age. You remind me of her. Spontaneous. But you have great agility child, it takes people years to be as swift as you are."

I didn't know where she was going with this. I said nothing as she neared me a little bit more.

"What if I told you, there was a place that could make you really strong. A place that's not as awful as this orphanage of yours. Would you want to go there?"

I clutched the curtain tighter.

"There's no need to be afraid, I won't let anyone hurt you. I want to make sure you're ok. I'll be there."

A place…with her? She'd be there?

It was bizarre but…I felt safe with this woman, safe to be in her presence.

"How about it? You never have to come back here again. Most importantly…you'd be with your sister."

My eyes widened in shock.

"My sister..?"

She nodded.

"I know your name. It's a funny coincidence we have met like this. The two of you even have the same eyes. She's been awful worried about you for years. She'd really like to meet you. How about it?"

There was no other choice for me, a child no one wanted. But this woman… she'd take me…and I had a sister who was _worried _about me. Someone who thought of me…

"Come on child," She said with a kind smile as she put her gun into her belt. "I won't let anyone hurt you as long as I'm around."

I took her hand and I descended from the windowsill. As she took me from this awful place I never called home, Nadeshiko became a hero for me in more ways than one.

X x x

When the last drop of whisky fell out of the glass and into my throat, I winced at memories I preferred to forget.

I know what they're all thinking. It's like I'm reliving Nadeshiko's murder all over again.

They think I never cared about her or Sakura, they think I'm still Meilings pawn, that I'd do anything for her still to this day.

I sighed and rubbed my temples.

It wasn't like that. They will never know what Nadeshiko meant to me. None of them will…

X x x

_Flashback_

"Come away from the window Syaoran. Come on, we can try again."

"No." I growled angrily.

She had tremendous patience for me considering my relentless defiance. She sat at one end of the long glass table waiting for me. I hugged my knees and huffed like the moody eleven year old I was.

Nadeshiko's eyes pleaded with me, but I didn't care, it was stupid anyway.

"You cannot give up on something just because you are frustrated with it the first time. Come on, we'll practise writing your name again, then the alphabet." She said in a way that was insinuating I had no choice.

"I don't want to know how to read and write! I want to kill like you do!" I yelled and huffed.

Her jaw locked and I became frightened anytime I caused her to become annoyed at me. Images of my murdered former foster parents always flashed in my mind when she was in the least bit angry.

"Don't say things like that Syaoran. You will encounter many difficulties in life if you are illiterate."

"I don't care."

She rose up to her tall frame and walked over to where I was perched on. I felt my hands treble a little as she neared. For a woman I grew to admire over the past few years, she intimidated me like no other. Even my rebellious streak hesitated when came to her.

She sat beside me on the window ledge, leaving a small gap between us. Her eyes flickered out towards the damp rain that miserably fell onto the city I came to know as Tomoeda. She tucked a piece of ash coloured hair behind her ear and closed her eyes in a moment of tranquillity.

I eyes her every move, careful not to disturb her.

"Why are you angry at the world Syaoran?" She asked and continued to gaze out the window.

I looked down and let rebellious streaks of hair fall over my face.

I didn't answer her. My initial response would have been to deny what she was saying. I would have told her that nothing bothered me, I didn't care about the world and what it did to me.

But I remained silent afraid she would see a lie behind what I thought was true.

Then, her hand placed itself onto my shoulder. A delicate touch, motherly almost…

"Is it that you are afraid? Afraid if you let your guard down, the world will swallow you up?"

I shrugged her hand off harshly, feeling so cold when her touch left me.

"I'm not afraid of anything! I'm not angry because I don't care!" I felt my voice choke.

I thought she would leave me then, leave me to this strange place that didn't feel like a home. But she didn't…

Her arms were warm as they slowly trapped me in their gentle embrace. I didn't dare move, my body froze at this gesture she never showed me before. I felt her cheek press against the top of my head. Then, subtly, she rocked me back and forth.

I was overcome with an emotion I never let myself feel…pain.

It came in the form of boyish tears. My hands became independent of my mind and clutched her arms tight to me, not wanting her to let me go. I cried, for the first time since I can even remember, I cried.

Nadeshiko murmured kind words in my ear and stayed with me till my cheeks became raw with emotion that was raw itself.

"The world had been so harsh on you Syaoran. You are so brave to have faced it alone. But you're not alone Syaoran, you're not alone. Your sister and I, as long as we are alive you will always be loved. You have to let go of your anger child, let go and let me help you Syaoran."

Through my puffed up eyes and raw throat I nodded, and felt some of the hate I harboured towards everyone slip away from my body. The hatred I had of being an orphan, taken from home to home for people to reject me, having no mother to love me…it slipped from the grasp my anger had over it.

My body went limp in her hands. Her hand stroked my hair in a nourishing way.

She said I would always be loved…would that mean she would always be there? Did that mean she…loved me like a son?

X x x

I couldn't believe that woman…that magnificent woman took someone like me, the illegitimate child, the bastard product of my dead parents, and was able to somehow care for me.

She took me from that bleak and suffocating world and trained me to defend myself. I was no longer a worthless child, a bastard, I was to be feared.

She reunited me with my sister, the only surviving family I had left. She gave me morals and discipline, gave me a purpose. Who knows where I wold be without her. Probably long dead with no one to care. She made me strong until she saw me fit enough to not need her anymore.

But in a way I always did need her…she was a subconscious moral support. I never realised it until she was gone…

From that day on Nadeshiko's word was my bible. She tamed my anger and when I became old enough to work for Li, I made sure not to die. She believed in me and for her alone, I would not die.

She saved me…who knows where I would have been without Nadeshiko…

So how dare _anyone_ tell me I didn't care for her? Or worse, that I _wanted _to do it!?

No…I didn't want to…that night…that awful night…I can't even begin to relive it. When she died that night, I wanted to follow her into the bleak abyss of death. It was what I deserved…I deserved to die. I lived to repay her…only to have killed her…

Then I met Sakura, by some strange and freaky coincidence. In some sick way, it was like a second chance. I would make it up to Nadeshiko in some form or another. I wanted to turn Sakura into one of the best, so she could protect herself in this world, leave Li and be happy to break away from her mother's past.

In the beginning I always intended to die at Sakura's hand. She would have her revenge for her mother's murder. I would die, and she would leave Li with no regrets.

I never wanted to fall in love with her…

Nadeshiko…I've messed things up haven't I? I'm sure you hate me right now…

I can imagine her disappointment in me right now.

But I didn't want this to happen! I didn't force myself to love Sakura! I tried all those times to draw myself away from her. I tried being cold to her all those times, tried to steer her away, I even sought Meiling to wing myself off her!

But nothing worked...I just became…drawn to Sakura….and now look at us.

I grimaced at the thought of telling Sakura that it was me who killed her…Of course, I will give Sakura her answers, but to relive that night…it would be so painful…

This thought lingered with me as I made my way towards Sakura's apartment. My heart raced like never before. I've faced death so many times in the face but compared to what I was going to tell Sakura was on a different scale.

My hand rose up and knocked three distinct times…

I was going to lose her, after tonight, my Sakura…would not be mine anymore.

For the night I killed Nadeshiko…I also felt like I lost my own mother…

X x x

**I'm just setting some background before the next chapter!**

**Hopefully I'll update again within the next week on what happened next (Syaoran's explanation) then more on why Sakura left, A Rae POV and Sakura, (Present Day!)**

**The more you guys review the more i'll be tempted to put the next chapter up soon!**

**Enjoy!**

**R&R! **


	21. Nadeshiko, The Tragic End

**What you have been waiting for! The night of Nadeshiko's murder! :O **

**Enjoy!**

**Sakura's POV: 16 and A Half Years Ago**

As I stared out the window into the grey and bleak abyss of Tomoeda city, I felt heavy with the weight of all my problems sink down on me.

I felt drained to the core.

I refused to speak to Naoko and Fanran, they knew all along. They covered for him. Maybe out of sisterly love, I guess I should understand that. But nevertheless, the sting and quantity of betrayal I felt overshadowed any desire to understand their motives.

I couldn't even cry. What was worse, was all those moments Syaoran and I shared, every time I spoke about her and he knew…was any of that real? Did he ever even love me?

I sat alone in the middle of the apartment, they knew better than to disturb me when I was like this.

In the midst of self-thought, there was a light tapping on the front door.

I remained deathly still. I didn't move a muscle to answer it because all I wanted was to be alone. I wanted to see him of course…but I didn't at the same time. I wanted the answers I deserved, but I didn't want the truth. I wish he was covering for someone, I wished he would tell me it wasn't true.

The door clicked open. Syaoran's eyes were so guilt ridden, so full of an emotion I've never seen before, so…destroyed. His brown hair was tousled, as it always was. I became rigid and turned my back to him. My nerves began to shake even though I tried to keep still. I felt his presence behind me and his eye on the back of my head.

"Why are you here?" I said through gritted teeth.

I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know what the right words to say to him were.

He stopped a few feet away from me, not daring to move an inch forward.

"I thought we could…talk." He said in a voice I never heard before. It was timid, but had a stony edge to it, as if he were trying not to give away what he was feeling.

My insides burned with the anger that had seeped into my veins.

"You want to talk?" I said with my voice quivering followed by a short sarcastic laugh. I couldn't help it, I didn't want to be myself around him.

He said nothing and when I turned around to him his face was hard, but his eyes gave away every single emotion running through his head. This was just a front, something Syaoran did in moments of weakness.

It made me so angry to think that after everything and a situation so serious as this he wouldn't be honest with me!

"Fine!" I barked causing him to jump back a little. "Fine, lets talk Syaoran, why don't you start with telling me why you killed my mother and then lied to me, then SLEPT WITH ME!?" I roared.

My knuckles were clenched so tightly I thought the bone would burst through the skin.

Syaoran looked away, and sighed subtly. "I…things were not meant to be this way Sakura, none of this was meant to be like this. I wasn't meant to get close to you like that."

"So it's my fault? You kissed me Syaoran, YOU! I never forced you to do it, like I didn't force you to tell me you loved me, like I didn't force you to sleep me! Don't blame me! You could have stopped it-"

"I wanted to stop it!" He yelled matching my tone. "I never wanted to love you Sakura, I tried to stop myself but, but-"

"I don't care about your excuses Syaoran! I don't care! The only thing I care about is why my mother is DEAD!" I screamed.

I had to catch my breath, saying those words was making me sick to my stomach…I hated this…

I laughed. Not because there was anything remotely funny about this, but because I remembered something.

"This is what Rika warned me about. She was hinting at this all along." I buried my head into my hands. "She knew about this." It was so ironic, Rika gave up on Syaoran because the thoughts of me sleeping with my mother's murderer served as a better delight to her.

Rika, ironic, she was the only one of them all who insinuated of Syaoran's evil deeds, and I didn't want to know. I ignored her. I could hear Rika laughing from her grave, laughing at the foolishness and naivety I showed.

He stood slightly startled, both of us mirroring each other's stance. My heart pounded so hard I thought it would burst through my ribcage.

"Did you even care every time I spoke about her? You just blamed Fujitaka,"

"I never blamed your father. Not once." Syaoran said stiffly.

When I thought back to all those times I complained about my father…all those times I told Syaoran how bad I wanted my revenge, truth be told, he never truly blamed Fujitaka.

I remember Dayaki… "You will get your revenge for your mothers murder…"

And even the first time we met in my room…he never commented when I blamed Fujitaka, he was always silent during those moments.

All that time…he never did blame Fujitaka…

I didn't want to hear it…but I had to force myself to. I had to know what he did, why he did it…

He nodded, more to himself, his inner battle with himself became more and more obvious on his face. This was in a way, killing him…

"You're right." He looked me square in the eye to tell me I wasn't going to like what he had to say. "It wasn't intentional…of course it wasn't. I didn't want to do it…"

Deep within his amber eyes, there was a dark shadow. I could see him reliving it, reliving that night where it all began…

X x x

**Flashback, The night of Nadeshikos Murder**

Syaoran's POV

Standing in Meiling's office, there was an aura of the most evil kind.

Her slender finger stroked the surface of the chess board, curling around the knight figure. I felt all colour drain from my face and pool at my feet. My mind came to a block with her words.

Her face was stony and unreadable.

"So you see Syaoran, Nadeshiko, Fujitaka…they're all traitors. They've leaked our information to Clow. They have to die, before they escape. They must be dealt with…by your hand."

A sickening feeling rose in the pit of my stomach.

Meiling's black eyes set hard on me. I stood rigid knowing what the task in front of me entail.

I had to force my jaw to unlock before I answered her.

"Yes Meiling."

X x x

I've never been to the Kinomoto house before that night.

I scaled the wall and landed with a silent thud the their huge garden. The bushes rustled as I treaded across them. My feet fell heavy, as if unwanted on the premises of the place Nadeshiko called home.

The house was silent, dark, not a light flickered in any of the dark rooms.

The Kinomoto mansion was huge and daunting, leering three stories high and looking across a vast land that was their territory.

From the shadows, a white dog came growling and charging, like a watchdog attacking me as the intruder that I was.

I tied him to the end of the garden and proceeded forward. His barks echoed out but became inaudible when I reached the door.

The back door was opened, strange, as if expecting me. I stood at the doorframe as the door swung back and revealed a dark hallway that was cold and long.

When my foot stepped onto the floorboards, I felt a chill. I was in the house of the great Nadeshiko… The walls seemed to be glaring at me, disapproving of my presence.

I ran my hand along the hard walls; its decorative wallpaper was homely. Then, on the green shelves sat pictures, people locked in a certain moment, captured in a frame. I gasped, seeing Nadeshiko in these pictures, smiling as if the weight of her world had no effect on her.

There immersed photos of a young boy, probably her son who I've heard her speak about. There were pictures of her wedding day. Nadeshiko looked most sad in these, and the dour Fujitaka was no more happy.

My fists balled, I hated Fujitaka. Nadeshiko was so strong, so brave and yet…her injuries mostly consisted of her husband's injuries. Over the years she's hid her scars he gave her. Year after year I came to loath him and when the perfect opportunity arose, I would kill him and free Nadeshiko of his cruel treatment.

That's when I first saw her…Sakura.

In a picture on top of a shelf.

Her green eyes so vibrant, happy. She was so small, maybe seven, eight? Who knows…but it was a happy time for her. There was a big frame with her and Nadeshiko. In all my years of knowing her, I've never seen her happier.

I don't know why but at that moment…I felt jealous. Jealous of the girl, jealous of the love Nadeshiko gave her. Jealous that at the end of that day…Nadoshiko's love would forever be here, among the four walls of this house and never at Li.

At the moment I felt unwanted here…like an intruder. I didn't belong here. I was Nadeshiko's other side, the other world in which I was certain, she would want to keep from her home.

I had a mission here…I was going to carry it out.

I could sense her before I saw her.

She was calm with her back to me in their living room. All was still except for our breathing. I didn't know where to begin. But I was not going to carry out Meilings orders on Nadeshiko. Fujitaka however, was another matter.

"Syaoran…" She said curling her lip. "I knew she would send you."

I retreated a step back, surprised and not expecting her to say that. Did she know why I was here? Did she know what Meiling was accusing her of?

She sighed, I hated to hear her do that. She stood still as she looked at all the pictures of her family.

…her family…

"I don't believe what Meiling said about you. You're not a traitor! There's no way! I'm here to help you escape!" My voice was full of determination. I would betray my leader to protect Nadeshiko.

Nadeshiko would never betray us. To betray us was to betray my father, who she often spoke highly of. No, a betrayal to Li…was a betrayal of my trust in her.

"Meiling…speaks the truth Syaoran..."

She closed her green eyes and shook her head to herself. Then she faced me with her eyes blazing with a strong emotion. I furrowed my eyebrows together not understanding what she was saying.

"I don't...understand..."

"Syaoran…" Her voice cracked. It's never done that before. "Syaoran…I am traitor. I betrayed Li."

I felt like someone had knocked all the wind out of me. I blinked twice to make sure it wasn't a dream. It took me an agonizing moment to comprehend what she said.

"No…Nadeshiko…you wouldn't…you didn't…."

"I did Syaoran." She squeezed her eyes shut and placed a hand on the mantelpiece as if this was taking its toll on her. "I leaked all the information to Clow. All those negotiations…I gave them what they needed…The only reason I stayed with Fujitaka was because he had connections there, he lead me to Clow."

"B-but why?" I stuttered feeling queasy, unable to grasp it. She let out a short laugh, not because it was funny, maybe because she was nervous? I didn't like this Nadeshiko, this vulnerable un- domineering Nadeshiko that I have never witnessed before.

"Why else? To give Clow the upper hand…to make a rival strong enough to finally take down Li…"

I shook my head, my face giving an expression of shock.

"But why? WHY would you do that? You were loyal to my father! Why would you help Clow!? I don't understand!" I began to shout.

My hands trembled uncontrollably… h-her words…they were so un-suited to her…

"Syaoran," Her voice was a plea. "Li…it's so different now since your father died. Now that Meiling is leader…I can't pretend to want to protect her. She's poison. You know that already…" She said with a sad tone.

I balled my fists. "You don't think I feel the same!? You don't think I despise Meiling too! Of course I do! Of course I'd rather see anyone else up there than Meiling but she is our leader and we protect our leaders!"

"Oh Syaoran..." She said in a disappointed tone and rubbed her head.

She looked so distressed…so tired.

"Of course we protect our leaders…only if they are FIT TO BE PROTECTED!" She roared. "She may be a good leader now, but that girl is unstable, mentally unstable. Her father saw that, he knew. That's why when the time came he died willingly by Eriols hand!"

I gasped a little. "H-he knew-"

"Of course he knew! Just like I knew my time was coming soon when you came here. "

"You…you traitor…" I said shaking my head. "All those people…all of our comrades who died by Clows assassins, it was because of you…" Saying the words made me sick…it made me sick to my stomach to think that Nadeshiko...my idol would have done that.

I have lost so many friends to Clow, buried my fellow assassins and Nadeshiko was right beside me during that time. All that time, she was partly a reason for them to die.

She nodded, her brown hair fell over her eyes and she tucked it behind her small ear.

"Many have died, yea, because of the information I leaked out. It killed me to see it happen. All of our people… I hated doing it but…"

"But what…? But WHAT!?" I barked and charged forward and stopped a few feet before her.

She jumped, not expecting my sudden anger. I've never spoken to her like this before. I feared her more than I ever feared Meiling. But I couldn't help this overwhelming anger that pulsated through me. I felt so...betrayed.

I thought we were close. She told me things, related to me on a different level than any other assassin. I thought we had an unspoken bond. H-how could she keep this away from me for so long?

"Tell me Nadeshiko! How could you have done that to us!?"

"I did it for my children!" She roared.

The silence that fell was nauseating. My lips parted and I tensed.

Nadeshiko's hand fluttered to her chest and she bit hard on her bottom lip. He eyes squeezed shut again as if to collect herself.

"You wouldn't understand Syaoran. Of course, I had loyalty to Li. But, my children come before Li and any other organization. I will protect my son and my daughter with my life."

She turned away from me. Her eyes gazed at the empty fireplace.

"Li had become too dangerous for my family. Meilings personal vendetta against me is not only obvious, but growing. I knew it was a matter of time before she took action. She will hurt my children to get at me. I cannot let that happen. They are my life, and I will see to it that they are safe and far away from Meiling's reach." She sighed heavily. "I thought there was no way out. I thought I would be caught in this vicious circle forever. But Clow...he gave me a way out that I could not refuse. He offered to protect me and my children. He was to see to it that they would escape the life I had. He promised that neither Meiling or Fujitaka would hurt us."

Her hand fell to her chest and she breathed in deeply.

"But I overanalysed it…I left it too late...now it's too late for me."

Her eyes blazed as they pinned themselves onto me. "I've accepted the fact that I am going to die tonight Syaoran. I knew Meiling would send you…she wants to reinforce her hold on you. But Sakura...Toya...they'll be safe…I've made sure of that…" She nodded to herself, as if everything was falling into place.

...Not for me…

My hands balled so tightly…My heart thumped with rage…my teeth sawed back and forth…

My son…my daughter...my children…

"And what about me?" My voice came in a low and almost dangerous whisper.

Nadeshiko's eyes flickered towards me with worry.

"Where did I fit into it all?"

"Syaoran-"

"No, that's right…I didn't fall into this little plan or yours did I? I bet I never even crossed your mind. What were you going to do? Leave me here? Was that your plan? I'm just another assassin to you." I laughed darkly.

I had no idea why these words were falling bitterly out of my mouth. What Nadeshiko did with her life outside Li was of no concern to me! Of course she didn't think of me. Why would she? Why would how I felt or what happened to me matter to her? It was ridiculous that I'd even try and compare myself to her children.

However…my words would not say what I wanted them to say…

"Syaoran..." she said taking a few steps towards me. "No-"

"I bet I didn't even cross your mind. No I bet you used me even didn't you?" I accused feeling the betrayal like a knife in my back.

"Don't you dare think I didn't try to save you too! Of course I cared about you too Syaoran! I told you when I brought you Li that as long as I'm alive, you are loved Syaoran! I meant that and of course I tried to get you away from Meiling too but…"

"But what?" I asked seemingly unable to let go of this anger inside of me.

Nadeshiko stammered for a moment, unable to say something.

"I know why!" I shouted. "Because I'm not your son, isn't it!"

She shook her head. "Syaoran no-"

"Because I'm the bastard son again. Why would you take me?" I laughed. "Why would you take someone like me? I'm not them," I said pointing to the photograph of her son and daughter. "I'm nothing to you, just another fucking assassin. I'm not your son, well you can wash your hands of me now!" I roared and left.

"Syaoran wait!"

I stormed away.

Why was I acting like this? Why was I so resentful against the woman who has done so much for me? Why at this moment did I hate her so much?

Not her son…that was it…

Maybe I idolized her too much. Built her up so much that her now being a traitor was possibly the biggest disappointment of my life. But I can't shake this hatred towards her.

She-s-she was going to leave, disappear as if she were a ghost. And where would I be? She wouldn't have cared. No, I was nothing but the palest of shadows compared to her Darling children, whom, I now resented.

I thought I knew this woman, I thought I understood her so well. I could judge her mood without her uttering a word. She was my mentor, someone I trusted someone I…cared about. And yet, she kept something so big from me.

I suddenly felt like a fool and an outsider. How could I have let myself get to the point that I actually wanted to be a part of her life?

"Syaoran I tried!"

I turned to her. She was desperate now to make me listen to whatever explanation she wanted to give.

"I tried so hard to take you from Meiling, from Li but…your devotion to your father's organization was too strong. I didn't let that stop me though." She took another daring step towards my body which was trembling with anger.

"I tried to tell you my plans for so long. But I knew you'd be angry. I understand you feel it's a personal betrayal to your father. For me to tell you, I had to break this loyalty you so strongly feel towards your father. But staying with Li will kill you if you. I tried to gradually pry you from your dedication but Meiling, she made sure to keep you away from me in the past few years. She kept her assassins on a close watch over me. If a word of my betrayal got out, she would have killed my family. Listen to me Syaoran when I say that I truly tried to take you away from Li so you could live a normal life but Meiling…she kept interfering…"

Nadeshiko's voice began to quiver near the end. It was as if she was desperate for me not to hate her.

"So what now? You're going to flee are you? Go to Shanghai, to Clow and live this new life of yours with your kids, while I stay here, is that it?"

"Syaoran…I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. But one day…you'll leave Li and start anew. I'm just sorry I can't see it happen." She said with her voice lowering to a whisper.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked sawing my teeth back and forth.

"It means Syaoran, you have a mission to carry out tonight, and you shall do it."

My heart thumped, the gun in my hand became very, very heavy…

"You think I'll…kill you?"

"You have to Syaoran…it's too late for me now. Meiling will never allow me to leave her sight. As long as I'm alive, Sakura and Toya's lives are in danger. In order for them to have any normal life...they must have no connection to me. If I'm dead…it's the only way to ensure that."

"I won't kill you Nadeshiko. You're a traitor, and yeah, maybe I thought too highly of you." I spat, "You were going to leave. I thought you trusted me enough to tell me that instead of me finding out this way…"

I sucked in the cold air. My chest stung harshly.

"But I owe you my life. I will not kill you." Even saying the words made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't kill her…could I? She was so different in my eyes now. She was not the perfect role model or idol I thought she was.

"If you don't kill me Syaoran, they will. I have to die tonight otherwise...the plan falls apart. Not only that but, we are being watched." Her eyes flickered towards the windows. "Fujitaka ratted me out to Meiling. He somehow found out that my plans did not involve him in any shape of form. He betrayed me, which was predictable." She said with distain.

A new hatred formed inside me. A hatred towards Fujitaka. All the years I've seen marks on Nadeshiko due to him. He was another matter…I would eventually take care of him…

"Meilings cronies never rest. This is also a test to you Syaoran. There is no hope or way out of this for me Syaoran. Meiling had been seeing towards my destruction for so long now. If you let me go, I wouldn't get as far as the front door without being shot dead. But you Syaoran…"

She breathed deeply.

"You, there is a way for you. Meiling holds no grudge against you. She admires your talent. She won't let you die because you are of value to her. You must stay on her good side Syaoran, there is no use in defying her while her hold on Li is so great."

"W-what do you want me to do?" I asked. The anger in my voice hushed into a meek whisper.

"Kill me Syaoran." She said in a voice that showed no fear.

"No."

"If you don't. Meiling will turn against you. If you walk away from me, you will lose Meilings admiration towards you. Trust me Syaoran, you don't want to be how I was, looking over your shoulder waiting for Meiling to attack you. Meiling will think you are my partner. She will eventually kill you. She has always hated your devotion towards me over her. She wants to enforce her domination over you. Let her. For now, let her have what she wants." She locked her jaw. "There is no point in fighting me Syaoran. Meiling is testing you. Do it!" She said nodding at the gun in my hand. "Kill me, and save yourself."

I looked down at the gun in my shaking hand. W-what was I to do? She was begging for death, in order for her children and me to be safe. I didn't want to kill her yet…yet the anger inside of me was telling me otherwise.

She still betrayed me. It didn't matter what she said I could not get over this…the hurt inside of me. I hated her to some degree yet…I wanted to mean more to her! I I-wanted to…to be her…son….

Why was I feeling like this! She did so much for me yet…

"Before I die," She said with a soft smile on her face.

Why was she smiling?! How, in a situation like this could she possibly find something…happy in it!? What could she possibly have to say?

"Funny that say, my son, my children…"

"Why is that funny?" I asked, my voice staying low, quivering almost.

Again, she smiled to herself. "My son, Toya. For as long as I can remember, he has always been frail and weak minded. He is too much like his father. I hate to say, and I shouldn't, but, he will not survive long in this world. He is too weak. But Sakura…she is strong and brave. She is a fighter, like me yet…different. Syaoran…" She said looking at me with the saddest expression that has ever befallen her face.

"If something should happen, if, for some reason my plans do not work out the way I wanted them to…please, make sure she does not die. She is tough enough to survive this world. I hope it does not come to that but...I know you wouldn't just simply let her die."

Though I found it extremely hard to do…I nodded.

"It's such a shame you two have never met. You live in two different worlds so naturally, your paths never would have never crossed."

In the silence, she suddenly started taking slow strides towards me, stopping a foot away. I held my breath. I was so confused. Why was she telling me this? The absolute last thing I wanted to hear was anything about her children.

Then her white hands, softly placed themselves on each of my cheeks in a nourishing way, warm, like a mothers touch.

"But you, Syaoran…you are so strong. You have survived so much. Since the day I took you in you have changed. I am so proud of you. You can face anything Syaoran and one day. You will end all this madness, and when you do, and Li, Clow, and all the other organisations are no more, you'll understand why freedom is worth every sacrifice. Syaoran, you were never just another assassin. Ever. You are like another son to me." Her smile was the sweetest.

For a moment my chest swelled up so much it hurt so bad. I didn't want to become weak in front of her. I was too ashamed to let her know that her words touched me more than anything else in the world.

"Like a son…but not your son…" I said and took a step back, slipping out of her hands.

I felt so cold towards her. But I couldn't let her know how I felt. How I yearned to hear her say that I made her proud. How what she said will stay with me forever. But she was determined to die tonight one way or another.

She nodded to herself, like she was confident that everything she said was exactly what she wanted to say.

"I know you won't kill my unprovoked Syaoran. For now, forget everything I told you. Just think of my betrayal, hate me, be angry with me. Save yourself." She whispered.

My whole body quivered. I felt more frightened than I ever did in the orphanage, or on the streets. Killing my idol, I couldn't do it…

Then, like lightning, she ripped her gun from her case and shot.

*BANG*

I felt a mere sting to my ribcage but in the heat of the moment, startled by what just happened I returned fire. It was just a natural habit when someone fired at me…

Nadeshiko skimmed my flesh leaving no serious wounds but she…she inflicted a lot worse. She stood for a second and before I could even come to the realisation of what I'd done she collapsed onto the floor. Petrified, disturbed, utter shock consumed me…

"Nadeshiko!" I couldn't even hear my own voice as I collapsed onto the floor beside her and held her head in my hands.

Her body became saturated in blood at a rapid speed. I tried to stop the blood with my hand but I could even find the source of the major wound. She coughed as blood came into her throat and spilled silently down her cheeks.

"Stop…trying…to…save…me…" She rasped catching my hand that tried to stop the bleeding.

"I-I'm sorry Nadeshiko! I'm so sorry I-I-I didn't mean to! I didn't want this to happen-"

"Syaoran…this was meant to happen." Her soft blood stained lips curved upwards. "There it…no more…running…for me… I don't blame you…Syaoran…Promise…me…promise me…you will break….from Meiling…from…Li…Promise…"

"I promise." I whispered and my vision became blurred with unwanted tears forming in them.

"Don't…cry…Syaoran…just…leave…Go!" She rasped. "There's…nothing…for you…here…"

I didn't leave. I stayed by her side, determined not to let her die alone. I would force myself to remember this moment as a punishment for my crimes.

"I'm…sorry…I should have done…more for you…Syaoran…"

"Don't say that. You did more than enough for me. I have failed you." I said squeezing my eyes.

She looked as if she were about to say something, but instead, I witnessed the last lungful of air seep from her mouth and never to return…her green eyes faded, as if her soul had left her body and fled from this nightmarish place. Her head was heavy in my hands as her eyes stared blankly into nothingness.

The silence there and then was sickening, nauseating, haunting silence I have ever felt. I held my breath, waiting…hoping that somehow…she would breathe again, but she didn't…

I let her head slide from my hands and onto the cold floor. Her hair shielded her delicate head from the floor.

As I rose I looked at my hands. My blood-stained, trembling hands. H-h-how could I have done this?! My body trembled all over. I've killed so many before and have walked away guilt free but this, this was so different.

These hands…

I frantically rubbed my hands of my body trying to wipe away her blood, as if it were burning the flesh of my palms. I couldn't get it all off, it simply would not leave me!

Then, from behind me, a figure dashed from one side of the room to another. My mind was in such shock that I never even noticed another presence in the room.

It was just natural, natural for me to take my gun out and shoot when frightened like that. I didn't even think when I shot down the other person. His body went down with a graceless thump. There was a gasping sound coming from him.

In my startled and franticness my aim on him was all off. I walked around and saw a mass of brown hair. He turned over clutching his rib where the bullet inflicted him. His face was familiar. At first, I assumed it was one of the assassins spying on me.

I felt the horror smack me in the face when I realised who he was.

Toya…

It was an accident! If I knew it was him I…I didn't mean to…

His wheezed and clutched his side, struggling to breathe. And I, stood dumbfounded. His eyes slanted at me.

"Like…a son, she said…you murderer!" He said bitterly repeating the conversation between Nadeshiko and I.

He spat at my feet hating the sight of me. Then he winced at his wound and went unconscious.

This was too much. Mother and son lying dead together by my own gun. This place, this house…it didn't want me here, I was an unwelcome intruder…

Why was this happening to me?

I ran, I had to get out of there.

When I reached outside I thought I was going to get sick…

My phone rang in my pocket.

"Syaoran, I need back up. It's Fujitaka, Meiling wants him dead…" Eriol said.

I couldn't even answer him. I just ran onwards towards the warehouse..

I'll never forgive myself for this night, for what I did. But what I will do, is kill that bastard, for it is the only thing I can do to redeem myself in some degree for murdering Nadeshiko…

X x x

To relive that night, to see it all before me once again…it killed me.

Sakura sat rigid on the chair half facing away from me. I was thankful she did not look me in the eye.

There was a cold, cold distance between us. With every second that passed I saw her reel in what I told her, and saw her slipping further and further from my grasp.

Then, her head began to shake at a very slow pace.

"I didn't want to do it Sakura, I never wanted to kill her. I regret what I did every second of every day."

She bit her lip and looked down.

"I find it too hard to believe." She stated.

"What?" I asked. Wasn't my reason good enough? Of course it wasn't. No reason was remotely justifying for what I did. Not even I could possibly understand why I did what I did.

"I don't believe my mother just…just gave up…on me…she couldn't have just let herself die! She couldn't!"

Tears brimmed under her eyes and she tried to keep it on.

"Why would she let you kill her!? You think I'll fall sorry for you? You could have done something else! You say you cared about her yet you didn't help her! You could have done things differently! But you saved yourself instead of her!"

"I tried Sakura! I have no excuse for what I did. But Nadeshiko did not give up on you. She loved you and she did what she did for you and Toya-"

"And you just hated that didn't you!" She screamed.

Her tears fell down her cheeks. My own chest stung, I was afraid of this. It was killing me to see her this way, to cause her turmoil.

"You hated that she cared about me and not you! You couldn't stand the fact that in the end you were nothing to her! I REFUSE to believe she let herself die! You killed her Syaoran because you hated her in the end! For betraying Li and for planning to leave without you! You killed her because you WANTED to!" Her roars echoed throughout the whole apartment.

I was sure the walls were recoiling at the venom and anger in her voice.

I felt myself getting angry.

"You honestly think I killed her out of cold blood? Really? You think I'd do that? Look at me Sakura, you know I cared about her, I tried to help her escape but-"

"And what about Toya?! I'm sure that was just a coincidence was it? My mother's son! Something you were not! I'm sure it killed you to know he was still alive!"

"That was an accident just like killing your mother was! I never wanted to hurt Toya. It was all just…"

"Just what Syaoran?" She asked with her almost blood-shot eyes blazing into my very soul.

Her whole body gave out ferocious vibes of anger. Her normally soft sleek hair was strained of staying in place. I thought she was going to lunge at me.

"Tell me again Syaoran…it was just an accident right? It was all just a big accident?" She asked shaking her head.

My heart broke to see her this way. There were no words I could say to tell her that yes, it was an accident. I touched my rib, where Nadeshiko's last bullet scarred me, purposely done to startle me and provoke my attack.

Of course it sounded bizarre to her, bizarre that her mother chose death in order to protect her.

"Sakura, Nadeshiko wanted only to save you from the life she had. She was never going to escape Meiling. Meiling was always intimidated by Nadeshiko because Nadeshiko saw through Meiling and Meiling knew that in time, Nadeshiko would destroy her. Your mother wanted you far away from Li, in order to do that, she had to die, leaving no trace of you to her. She tried to get out alive but…she couldn't."

"So you killed her." Sakura's words choked in her throat.

Then she laughed a bitter and low laugh. "It's funny that you say she didn't care about you. "You say you were jealous of me and Toya, that she cared more about us."

"Of course she did!"

"Oh yeah? Really Syaoran. My mother, my mother, in knowing she was going to die, choose to be with you! She chose to die in the presence of someone who is no relation to her! She didn't even know where I was! She never said goodbye to me! She chose to say goodbye to you over me so don't you DARE tell me that it hurt you when I never even got to say goodbye! She could have told me! She could have seen me but no! I had to come home to a dead mother while you saw her last few seconds of life!"

She brought her hand to her eyes and wept. She turned away from me, revealing her white shaking shoulders. I hated this; I can't bear to see her like this. I can't bear to be the one who did this to her.

Why did I get in so deep? Why didn't I stop myself so many times when I could have? How did I get so involved?

I felt my body will itself forward towards her. I wanted to hold her in my arms like I have done so many times before, like I did the first night I met her in person.

My fingertips dared towards her. They tipped her shoulder only for her to harshly shrug me away and recoil as if my hand was acid.

"Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again!"

Her words were so icy yet, I deserved them. I knew this day would come, I had to brace myself.

"Sakura-"

"One thing I don't understand." She said in a weak voice. She still didn't look at me. Maybe she couldn't, maybe I was just too different in her eyes now. I was just…a monster to her.

"Why….why did you let us go so deep when all the time you knew. You let me go on hurting and hurting and hating all that time. You kissed me Syaoran, you could have stopped it there and then, you could have told me and saved us from getting to where we got. Why did you bring me to Li, a place my mother despised?" This time, she looked at me dead on and I got a nauseating flashback of the last time Nadeshiko did that to me.

I knew she would ask that.

"I made a promise to your mother that if I could help you, I would."

"Then why didn't you just let me go? Why bring me to Li, so close to Meiling?"

I closed my eyes and contemplated on what words would be correct and accurate enough to tell her. There were none, only the truth.

"I thought of letting you leave. I swear, when we took you to Tomoyo's infirmary, I was going to let you go when you woke up but…"

"But…?"

"But, I couldn't. I thought that if I let you go, you would be dead in week. You had no other family. How were you to survive? I couldn't bare knowing you were so important to Nadeshiko and wondering whether or not you made it out alive. So I kept you here, and I promised myself that I would train you and always protect you. I would make sure you were untouchable so that no one could hurt you. And when that time came, you could leave Li. I planned it all in my head. I was going to kill Meiling, then I was going to tell you everything so that-"

"So that I would kill you, and escape…" She finished for me.

I nodded. It was all so perfect in my head a long time ago. I owed it to Nadeshiko. I would protect her daughter, watch over her, be a constant surveillance. She would be the best, untouchable. Meiling would not have let Sakura escaped. I was sure Meiling hated Sakura from the start. The only reason she let Sakura into Li under my surveillance was because she thought Sakura was weak. Or maybe it made her happy to think she could torture Nadeshiko in the afterlife by making Sakura work for her.

I'm sure she had her own sick reasons for keeping Sakura.

I knew an end had to come to Meiling. It was extremely dishonourable to kill your leader, but I would have done it. When Sakura was to find out I killed her mother, she would in turn get her revenge.

And in the madness of trying to re-establish a new leader, Sakura would be far away from Tomoeda and long forgotten about.

But of course…that didn't work out.

"This brilliant plan of yours Syaoran…did it involve me falling in love with you?" Her voice was so weak, tired but persistent.

My heart stopped for a second.

"I never, ever planned on us being like this Sakura. I never planned on loving you."

"LIAR!" She barked and whirled around with fury in her eyes. "How can you say that Syaoran? You kissed me, you kissed me! You could have said no! You could have left me alone but you didn't! You didn't have to bring me to Dayaki! You didn't have to tell me you loved me back! You didn't have to have sex with me!" She screamed and furiously raked her hands through her hair as if this was all too much to handle.

"After Dayaki, you could even have stopped there, you never had to touch me again but you did knowing what you did!" She screamed. "Was any of it true? Did any kiss mean something to you? Did all those moments we shared mean anything to you? Did you even mean it when you told me you loved me?"

"Of course I did Sakura! And I still do! It killed me to keep this from you. I didn't want us to get involved like we did but…I couldn't stop it…I didn't want to…You know I meant everything Sakura…you know that I still love you."

She threw her head into her hands.

"I really fell for you Syaoran. I really did…I would have done anything for you. I thought you were all I had but….it was all a lie."

"It wasn't a lie Sakura. None of it was."

"Well it is to me. You're not who I thought you were. Now…I don't even recognise you."

That was the harshest thing.

"If you loved me, then you wouldn't have done this to me." She whispered lowly.

I knew it was stupid, I knew to resist but, my fingers just wanted to comfort her, to touch her. As if somehow that would wipe away all that was done. I hated what I did to her…and Nadeshiko…

My fingers tried for a second time to touch her shoulder. She didn't shrug me off this time. She was cold and unreactive to my touch. Her soft hair brushed against my fingertips. How…how did my plan that was so perfectly conceived in my head fall apart so disastrously. I never imagined that I would fall for her, Nadeshiko's daughter. I never seen it coming, never thought that I would be attracted to her to the point I was too afraid to tell her the truth.

Too afraid to tell her I killed Nadeshiko for fear I would lose her. She looked me in the eye. Maybe I was imagining it but, her eyes for a second, let go of the anger within them and I saw a flash of softness in them. Would she forgive me? Would she believe that what I said was true?

As soon as that glimmer of hope came, it vanished and her eyes went dark and cold.

Now I have lost her.

"Syaoran…I- I can't do this." She said as her bottom lip quivered.

"I understand. I wouldn't force you to try and see past what I did."

"Not just that Syaoran, I can't…I can't kill you like you think I should." Her small hands balled up as if to keep her inner turmoil locked up temporarily. "But I can't be near you either. I can't even look at you. Regardless if you killed her by accident , or with some intent, I can't even be around you. I-…I…just leave."

There was a haunting silence that crashed down on us both. I felt so sick, if I had to leave her like this it would crush me.

"Go!" She screamed when I didn't budge.

It took so much of my might to move my feet one at a time away from her. I physically felt the cold distance between us as I neared the door.

I took a last glance back at her. She embraced herself and looked at the floor. Her back was to me, and I wanted so desperately to see her face but….just like when I was in the Kinomoto house, I was unwelcomed here.

Before I closed the door I couldn't help to think…what if it was different?

What if we were normal like most people our age? What if there were no secrets between us. I was just Syaoran Li and she was just Sakura Kinomoto, maybe even high school students. What if we just fell in love gradually, a slow process, a flame that burns slowly then ignites into a roaring fire. And we wouldn't hurt anyone else by being together. There would be no Meiling, no Clow, no Rika… I could tell her I loved her and love her without shame or guilt. She would be mine, and I hers…

What if we were just like everyone else…?

Was it so much to ask, to love her without consequences?

I guess people like us…just aren't that lucky…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

Rae and I sat in the still silence of the room.

Outside, the sky had fallen into the inevitable violet black shade of night.

Her amber eyes stayed focused at the opposite wall. Her lips parted as if to say something, but decided against it. She bit her lip and hugged her knees beside me. Every second of silence that fell was a knife inching its way slowly into my chest.

Was this it? Was I losing her, just when it felt this unconditional love a father felt for his child?

"Rae…if you…if you see me differently now…I'll understand." I said feeling the pain in my chest tighten. "I'll arrange something. You can stay here and I'll move out. I'll still support you and you don't have to see me if you don't want to-"

"Syaoran." She said cutting me off. "Do you want me to leave?" She asked with her innocent amber eyes looking at me, into my soul.

My breath caught before I answered. "Of course I don't. I want you to stay Rae. But…I have to look after you and what you want. Don't worry about my feelings or how I'll react...if you're going to be unhappy here, living with me…then maybe you can go to Fanran for a while-"

She held her hand up abruptly to silence me. I was taken aback; she's never taken control like that before. Her face was stern, but not in annoyance.

"I'm not going anywhere Syaoran. I'm staying with you, not because Tomoyo told me to come here, or that I've nowhere to go, or that you are the only one who can protect me from what's coming. I'm staying because you're my father, and I want to be here."

I was startled at what she said. Taken aback by her determination to be here…with me…

"What about what I told you-"

"I don't care." She said dismissing it. "Obviously, what you did was wrong. But it was your past, and even though I wasn't even born then...I know you're sorry for it, and I know it still hurts you."

"Rae…"

"I don't hate you. I won't. You took me in."

"You don't owe me anything for that Rae."

"Regardless, I'm not leaving."

"Don't you hate me a bit? She was your grandmother…"

"A grandmother I never knew. And you're sorry for it, I know that. But you're not a monster for what you did before my birth…you're my dad." With that, her head sunk into my shoulder and her arms once again wrapped around me.

The fatigue was creeping in on her and she shut her eyes.

My arms came around her and I rested my hand on her soft head, combing her hair with my fingertips. This child of mine…she was so different. Unlike any other person I've ever met…

I was so lucky to be her dad…

"Your mothers reaction was so different to yours."

She breathed deeply in and out and tucked a strand of hair behind her and smiled a small smile.

"I guess my mother and I aren't as alike as people say then…"

I finally understand it Nadeshiko. This willingness to protect your child regardless of the consequences. This desire to do anything for them. Just like you loved Toya and Sakura, I would do anything; kill anyone to ensure my child's safety even if that meant sacrificing myself. I wish I understood then Nadeshiko.

I wish I knew then what I know now. Even so, I would have tried to save you somehow.

In the short space of the past five months, Rae has become the centre of my universe. All my actions, everything I do is to protect her.

I love Sakura, I never stopped. But…I am not willing to die by her hand anymore. Rae needs me now and I won't abandon her. You will not kill me Sakura, and I will not kill you.

Just know this Sakura; nothing will come between me and our daughter…not even you.

X x x

**I am simply unable to write short chapters and so it looks like this story is going to be longer than I thought :L **

**Don't worry I still have a plan for when Rae is conceived and Tomoyo/Eriol story and Sakura present day!**

**Hopefully I can get on with present day Sakura in either the next chapter or the one after! It shall be soon enough (fingers crossed!)**

**R&R! **


	22. The Last Straw

**Yaay! Another Chapter!**

**Sorry it took a while! Enjoy!**

**:D xxx**

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

The phone rang on…and on…

"Sakura." He said expecting my call.

"Kero, are you still in Tomoeda?"

"Yeah. Waiting on your signal."

"Good." I answered. "I'm in Japan. Do you know what to do?"

"Yeah…" He said in his musky voice. "Clow still doesn't know about this, does he?"

As usual, Kero didn't like being left out of the loop or given orders without a reason, especially when those orders did not come from Clow.

"No. And it's going to stay that way understand?" I said sternly

"Yeah, yeah I understand. I don't like it though. But you're the boss lady, I won't question you."

"Remember, the girl only. As for him…leave him alive. Don't kill him. I'll deal with him." My voice remained stony and hard. "Call me when you've done that."

"Whatever you say. One question though, who is this girl and why do you want her-"

I hung up.

Kero didn't need to know my reasons. Nobody did.

The Japanese air whispered in my ear telling me to brace myself. I remember so clearly when I left here all those years ago.

For too long I've waited in the shadows…wondering. I will be silent no more. Now was the time to be heard. Clow was closing in now; it was only a matter of time before the fanfare of gunshots rattled this city and everyone in it. The fear will spread and crash down on them like an apocalyptic wave of destruction.

But before that happens, I have something to take care of.

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 And A Half Years Ago**

Tap…tap…tap…

Naoko sat quietly as her fingers rolled along the keyboard at a fast pace. I stared into the bleak abyss of my black coffee, untouched and cold.

I sensed the knock on the door before the actual sound.

Naoko blinked twice with her huge pale blue eyes and stumbled off her seat before answering it. The door creaked as it opened, perhaps an omen of who was behind it.

"M-M-Meiling-san!" Naoko stuttered and she scurried back a few steps.

Meiling's heels stabbed the floor harshly…a few seconds between each step. From the corner of my eye I saw her dressed all in her signature black. But this time, she looked as if she were going to a funeral.

I smirked to myself. My funeral perhaps. Meiling had a strange smile plastered on her own white lips.

"Naoko." She said not taking her eyes off me.

"Y-Y-Yes?"

"Go take a long, long, long walk. I think Kinomoto and I want some privacy."

Naoko swerved her head from Meiling to me before swiping her bag and a thick book off her desk. She whisked out of the room as if she was on fire. I couldn't blame her. There certainly was a huge tension in the room; it was suffocating to anyone but myself and Meiling.

She sauntered towards me, peeled off her leather gloved and dropped them onto the table I was sitting at.

"You're looking awful down Kinomoto." She said showing a glimpse of her pearly white teeth. "I do hope that's not because of me now is it?"

I mocked her smile back at her. "Now why would that be?"

"Do you know why I am here?"

"Let me guess." I said as I fixated my attention towards my coffee, staring into its black depths. "Knowing you, you want to mock my mother's death? Gloat in how your reign is the only reign in Japan. Or maybe you just want to tell me how naïve I was. I'm sure the circumstances of my mother's death greatly traumatized you." I said sarcastically.

She smirked and crossed her arms as she peered down at me. "While all those things you have said are true, no, I am not here to gloat. I don't want to waste any more of my time talking about that treacherous mother of yours."

I would have retaliated, like I did in the past but, I just didn't. What was my argument? My mother did betray Li. However, she was still a good person.

"Then what do you want with me?"

"Oh come on now Kinomoto. Smile! What's wrong? Don't you have Syaoran to cuddle you at night anymore?"

I froze. My hand became paralyzed and my eyes bulged slightly.

"I guess word travels around fast in Li." I half laughed.

"I guess so." She said and pursed her lips into a thin line.

I always imagined if Meiling ever found out about Syaoran and I, I would run a hundred miles. I imagined Meiling's fury like never seen before. But now, everything has changed. The man I loved…was not who I thought he was.

I simply don't care now that Meiling knows about our past but. But why…why is she so calm…accepting of it?

"What's wrong Sakura? Is this not how you thought I would react? Di you expect something different? Did you want me to go crazy?" She laughed, and then slammed a hands down onto the table.

I didn't even flinch.

"I was mad, let me tell you but then…then I got to thinking." She started laughing loudly. "You were sleeping with the enemy all along! You and him… poor Sakura…" She said leaning into close to me. "You just can't catch a break can you?"

Her finger reached out and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear as a sign of false concern. She, just like Rika, loved this idea of my humiliation. But I knew better. Meiling wasn't like Rika, Meiling simply did not accept Syaoran and I being together. That, I knew very well.

"We laughed at you." I said staring blankly at my cup.

Her hand recoiled as if my words were poison.

"Yes, every night he spent with me, we'd talk of how we hated you. We saw each other behind your back. Those nights you called upon him and he made an excuse, he was with me."

Meiling's cool demeanour began to crack. Her eyes went slightly dark and her spine straightened. Oh yes, Meiling did not like losing her things, her possessions.

"How did it feel Meiling? When you first found out? The man you tried to pry from my mother's grasp for years, fell into mine in a matter of weeks. But let's be honest, it was never like was truly yours."

Her hand balled into a tight white fist but she tried to keep her face expressionless without success. Her eyes began to slowly slant, she was getting angry.

"Who said I wanted him? He was merely a possession. There was no love."

"Was that by choice though Meiling? Or was it simply, you were unlovable?" I smiled enjoying the inner anger I was conjuring.

"You can pretend Meiling, pretend that Syaoran meant not that much to you. But without Syaoran by your side…what do you really have?" I laughed out loud at her. "You have nothing! Nobody Meiling! I admit I was in love with her mother's murderer, betrayed and lied to but you know what would be worse? Being you!"

Meiling sucked in air through her teeth then locked her jaw. He beady eyes piercing into me but her mouth staying silent.

"I may be alone but you Meiling, you're something else. You, you may think you have an army beneath you who will answer to your every demand but, that won't last Meiling. Syaoran, Eriol, Fanran, Takashi and even Rika…do you think for a second, for one, little second that any of them would take a bullet for you? Honestly?"

"You don't know what you're talking about. I am their leader and they follow me regardless." She made a fist and struck the table. A strand of her broke free from her scalp.

"For now…" I whispered. "But even you know Meiling, those days are limited, your days are limited. It's only a matter of time before one of them turns on you. But you know that already don't you?"

She locked her jaw again. She couldn't deny my logic.

"That's why you had my mother murdered. Maybe because she betrayed you, yes. But, you were just waiting to kill her weren't' you? It was just an excuse to kill her, before she destroyed you. Think about it. After all the torment you caused Syaoran, Eriol, holding Fanran's sister hostage and Takashi for obvious reasons. Give me a reason why they would protect you?"

"Because I am their leader." She repeated like a broken record.

I laughed.

"Aren't you tired of that excuse?"

Meilings stony face stayed expressionless before for some reason, it broke into a sinister grin.

"Oh Sakura, are you trying to break me?"

"There's already something broken inside that disturbed mind of yours."

"You know, it broke my little heart to see Syaoran so torn up about your reaction to the whole 'killing Nadeshiko' thing." Then she leaned in inched from my face. "One thing you and I can agree on though, is that the make-up sex makes it all ok again doesn't it?" she smiled.

Rage outpoured from my body as I grabbed her collar and slammed her into the wall.

"Shut your fucking mouth!"

"Oh? Did I hit a nerve?" She slapped her hand over her mouth in false concern.

Even though I was livid to kill her at that moment, she was still laughing.

"You and I are so alike Sakura."

"I've told you before, I am nothing to you!"

"Oh really? I have to disagree. You see, you and I are so…unpredictable!" She said excitedly. "I'll explain. You probably thought I was going to have you assassinated the moment I found out about you and Syaoran. However, that was my initial thought, can't you see how calm I am?"

"That's different you're nutcase so don't compare yourself to me!"

"The reason I'm here is because I wanted to know…why are you still here?" She laughed loudly and shrugged as if baffled by all of this.

"What?"

"Well, Syaoran killed your mother, I would like you dead and…there is nothing for you here! So will you answer me this, why are you still here?" She laughed as if she were baffled.

I was stuck for words.

"I'm not going to stop you from leaving! Of course, I would kill you before you could leave the country but even so, you didn't even try? What is stopping you?"

I wanted to answer her back, to give her a logical answer but…but there was none. Why I was I still here? Why was I still here, in this city? It was something I never asked myself. I fumed ad raged in this apartment cursing my involvement with Syaoran, hating and loathing myself for being involved with Li that I never actually thought to leave…or did I and in the end…

"Unless….Syaoran?" She raised a black eyebrow and harboured suspicion.

I was so confused…no, it wasn't because of him. I wasn't staying here because of him. Why would I? After all he did…there was no point in even being near him was there? Meiling would have me killed if I left but she had a point…why was I still here?

"How utterly sweet." She smirked and grinned viciously. "Even after all the lies and betrayal he's caused you. All the heartbreak a girl can face in one life time and yet…you still cannot bring yourself to leave him, can you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I barked at her.

"Oh, but I do…even after all he's done to you…you still care about him. How precious."

I released her and bit my lip.

No…I don't still care about him. H-how could I? There was nothing between us…

Meiling dusted her collar and gave me a hard expression.

"Do you know why I am the only female leader of Li? Because I have never let a man get the better of me. Syaoran was nothing but something I could entertain myself with. Nevertheless," She said coming inches from me with a cold and icy look I was so familiar with. "I don't like people taking from me what is mine. You and the others, Syaoran, Eriol, Tomoyo, Fanran, you will all suffer for making a fool of me. You think you've seen me at my worst? Just you wait. I'll make you suffer. And none of you will see it coming." She snickered but I didn't doubt for a second that a sinister plan was brewing in her head.

I walked away from her. Being near her…was like contracting a disease, being eaten away by poison…

I pressed my fingers to the glass and closed my eyes. For a moment, I thought I could feel my mother's touch against my fingertips. How she must have suffered here in this city. At that moment I just wanted her to tell me what to do. I wanted her advice, a sign. Why am I still here? Why am I still under Meiling's wrath?

"One day Meiling, you will get everything that's coming to you. Your reign will come to an end. Maybe it wasn't for my mother to do, and maybe it isn't my destiny to finish you off but…before you die one day, in those split seconds before you finally depart from this world, I hope the last image you will see in your mind is me and my mother. My words will echo in your ear, my eyes will burn into yours to remind you of your evil deeds. I hope you will suffer in these final moments and pray for mercy. Then, and only then will you remorse for what you did in your life…"

There was a silence. Meiling said nothing. She simply knew that it didn't matter what she did to me now. Even if she killed me, she couldn't make me suffer anymore. I lost my mother to my lover. Living with that itself is slowly leaving me dead inside.

"We'll see." She said through her teeth and walked away leaving me to myself, to my misery.

Was this so bad? So bad that at this moment of my weakness I was thinking about him? It felt so wrong. I told him I didn't want to see him. I regret that now. But why? The thought of my mother being murdered by him just made me hate him yet…I wanted him. I wanted his touch, the warmth of his embrace yet I loathed the memories of his lips on mine.

This was so confusing! I don't even know what to feel!

Why am I still here? With Meiling? Why haven't I even attempted to leave? Why haven't I tried? Syaoran has trained me so well I could survive on my own!

Yet…he's the reason I stay.

All I could do now was be alone and think of him…hating myself for doing so…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: The Next Day**

The knock on my door was harsh.

I didn't react as the door handle squeaked open allowing a little dim ray of light pierce the dark room I was cloaked in.

Takashi's head peeped around the door, his eyes locking on mine without saying a word. In his dapper grey suit he stood staring at me with a slight crooked sickly smile that made me shudder. He let the silence linger on…and on…

"Pack a bag." He said and stood there until I finally retreated to my room.

I didn't know what I was doing as I threw some clothes into a duffel bag. Maybe...maybe Meiling changed her mind and decided my existence was fuelling her fire.

Takashi said nothing as he followed me outside to where his black BMW was parked. I felt numb, unsure of what was happening. I looked back as we pulled away from the district and sighed. I never even got to make it up to Naoko or Fanran. Did I want to? After they lied to me?

I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

The city of Tomoeda became smaller and smaller as we drove until it was a mere spec of light. We passed the bridge that Syaoran took me to on the way to Dayaki.

I dared not ask Takashi where we were going. His aura was icy and bitter as if my very presence stirred hate in him.

"You know…" He said suddenly. "This was Chiharu's favourite bridge." When I didn't respond he continued with a subdue smile on his lips. "She was afraid of fish though," He laughed in a disturbing way.

On and on he talked about her. Murmuring little facts about her as if she were still alive. I kept my face stony, unwilling to respond.

We arrived onto a vast wasteland. There was no life, even the air was stale and dead. I recognised Syaoran's car. My heart stopped for a second. He leaned against his car in deep troubled thought. His brown hair dishevelled, unkempt and wild. My instincts wanted to make the worry on his face disappear, but I stayed in the car looking at him.

Then, Takashi leaned in slowly towards me and whispered. "My Chiharu is sleeping in the ground because of him. I hope you know how much it hurts. I hope you know one day what real pain is…" His voice was so bitter I couldn't even look at him.

I locked my jaw, something bad was going to happen. Was he going to make Syaoran suffer through me? Kill me to get to Syaoran.

He stepped out of the car as did I.

The humid air hit me hard, I felt like I was drowning. Slowly, Syaoran's eyes found mine. I gasped. His eyes, they were so full of an emotion I never seen before. So full of something he was trying to convey to me. I remained locked in his gaze.

At that moment, it was like all the hate, all the bitterness and loathing of the past was slipping from me.

Syaoran…he was all I thought about when he wasn't near me. Why, Why was I like this!? Why couldn't I conjure up the anger towards him I felt before? Why did I ….I want to…to hold him. My heart…it was swelling, aching for…him. I was drawn to him…Syaoran.

I had to tell him. I had to tell him that I didn't mean it. I didn't hate him. What he did I don't know if I could forgive him, it would take so much time. I don't think I could look at him the same after but…I couldn't be without him. How can I feel this way after everything? Yet…I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him again.

Still trapped in his amber eyes I walked toward in small, hesitating steps.

Suddenly his head snapped in the opposite direction, breaking our intense moment. His rash movement stopped me in my tracks, as if a physical force locked my feet were they were.

Then, like a snake slithering out of its hiding place, Meiling emerged from behind the car and walked in front of Syaoran. What's going on? Why is she here with him? Why am I here?

Then a car roared to life opposite them. I never even noticed it hidden in the black shadows. The headlights were so bright I did not even see the two figures emerge until they were fully in front of the car.

It was then I saw a table randomly placed between their two cars.

I was so confused.

This scene made absolutely no sense. My presence was even stranger. No one seemed to acknowledge me. Even Syaoran seemed cold and distant, though it seemed against his will.

Meiling walked towards the table opposite who I now recognised as Mr Tsukishiro. Behind him Yue stood as his ever faithful bodyguard. Meiling's eyes were so stony as if aching to get whatever this was over with.

"Mr Tsukishiro." She said through her teeth as if it were killing her to do so.

Mr Tsukishiro curved his lip upwards, delight spread across his face.

They continued to speak so low I could not hear them.

I looked at Syaoran…I had to tell him…I had to say something. What if I were going to die now? What if my death sentence was just around the corner? What if I left things the way they were between us?

I thought I hated him. I thought I'd never look at him the same. But…I can't hate him. I hated myself for thinking this. I hated being so weak when I should be strong for my mother. I was so hurt yet, I couldn't leave this world without letting him know.

Through the distraction of Meiling and Mr Tsukishiro I walked silently around the cars, avoiding Meiling. I crept up behind him. My feet lost their nerve and locked together. My fingers wanted so desperately to caress the nape of his neck…To feel the softness of his hair.

He sensed me and turned slowly around. His eyes flickered away…why was he being like this? So…distant?

"I thought you didn't want to speak to me again." He said in a detached voice.

It was like I was hurled back to when we first met, to the first Syaoran who was cold and distant and I was a mere rookie.

I looked away, ashamed he remembered… "It's easier said than done." I admitted.

There was a silence. In front of us, Meiling and Mr Tsukishiro were filing through some papers.

"Syaoran…what I said to you before… I didn't mean it…not to the extent I said it-"

"You did." He said not in a harsh voice, but in an understanding one. "I deserved everything you said. And everything you said was right."

I began to shake my head. "I thought that too Syaoran but…I don't hate you…I can't. I think that… in time I could, I could have forgotten this and-"

"Don't Sakura."

"I could forgive you." I whispered.

He shut his eyes tightly almost as if he didn't want to hear it. What was going on? Wasn't that what he wanted? Forgiveness? It seemed like I told him the opposite of what he wanted to hear.

"Don't go soft on me now Sakura. Just don't."

My body froze in shock. I couldn't understand him. Despite everything that's happened, despite how much he changed my life for the worse, I was willing to forgive him and he was…annoyed?!

"Syaoran-"

"Everything you said was true. Everything. I killed your mother out of cold blood and jealousy. I lied to you and despite what I've told you in the past..." He balled his fists and his jaw locked. "I could never have really loved you if I lied about it. You and me…we weren't meant for this. It was just…something I wished never happened."

Hi words were so clear. Blood drained from every vein in my body. I could have sworn my heart stopped there and then and become dormant. Those words… they were so un suited to his mouth. He…wished we never met? He wished that I never loved him?

Why was he saying this now? I knew it wasn't true…why was he lying to me? Why was he trying to hurt me? I took a step forward but he retreated with determination to keep a cold distance between us.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered weakly with my voice breaking.

"There's no point in carrying on this charade. It's just hurting you." He said in a stony voice and still not bringing himself to look at me.

I wanted to see it in his eyes! I wanted to see his eyes give away the lie but-

"I guess that's it." Meiling's icy voice pierced the intense one of Syaoran and I.

I retreated back a step. My hands…they were shaking. His body was rigid, his arms embracing himself.

"Pleasure doing business with you Meiling." Mr Tsukishiro smiled. "It only took a few years but finally, your debt to Clow is officially paid off. Five hundred million dollars." He smiled and patted the money-loaded briefcase.

I knitted my eyebrows together. But…five hundred? That's only half of what she owes Clow.

"Now," He said with his grey eyes landing on me. "I'll take the other half, as agreed."

Something was off, strange.

"Oh yes!" Meiling said clasping her hands together and turning towards me and with an evil grin she uttered the most sickening words. "Kinomoto, you now belong to Clow."

It took a few long seconds for me to digest her words.

"…What?"

"As agreed," She smiled wickedly. "Five hundred million dollars…and you."

Nothing was said. Everyone was looking at me. Everyone except Syaoran, who didn't even react.

"I must say Meiling, trading assassins has not been done in years. Clow was never a fan but," His eyes were burning into me. "I convinced him to make an exception."

"I'm sure you did." Meiling said rolling her eyes as if his slimy tone was even disgusting her.

My mouth opened…then closed…no words would come out. I couldn't protest because my body was in shock.

Meiling…sold me off to Clow. I was being human trafficked. Sold off like a piece of meat.

When I could say nothing, I looked to Syaoran in desperation.

"Oh dear, you need not look to Syaoran for help. Who do you think suggested the whole idea in the first place?"

My breath caught.

"Syaoran…?"

"Yes, I almost forgot that good assassins were worth a lot of money nowadays. Syaoran came to me with the idea and I simply couldn't resist. Although, the idea was already in the back of my mind." She beamed.

Syaoran's eyes flickered towards mine. He didn't have to say it, it was all over his face, his stony and hard face. There was no remorse. No indication that his actions were contradicting every moment we shared together.

There it was…

The ultimate blow, the last straw.

"Come now Sakura, we can make you go the easy was, or the hard way." Meiling practically sang with glee.

My body shook with a cluster of emotions. There was no way to pinpoint whether I was feeling rage, heartbreak, anger, or all three. From the shadows, Yue stood forward, hand on gun in case of any protest. There was no way around it. I didn't have a choice, I was going with Clow, no matter what.

"I'll go." I whispered.

"Oh good!" Meiling clapped her hands.

So she wasn't going to kill me after all. It was worse, she was sending me away…with Tsukishiro. They began to clear away the table and there was a nauseating silence between my ex-lover and I.

This explains his actions. He wanted to be cold to get rid of me. Or maybe, he really was just the heartless monster he always was.

"It's for the best Sakura. There's no point in staying here." He whispered. If there was any sincerity of indication that his actions were breaking his heart like they were breaking mine, he barely showed it.

All over I trembled. I thought I was going to explode.

"I was actually going to forgive you." I whispered lowly to him so the others wouldn't hear. "I was going to let go of everything and just be with you, like you promised we would be. You promised me, you swore that we'd be together." I felt my eyes tearing up, chest tightening.

"I guess I was a fool to think you were anything else but a monster. I will never forgive you for this Syaoran. Never."

With those words of certainty I walked on. I couldn't breathe; I couldn't even process a thought. I…Syaoran you bastard! I- how did I ever love you?

As I walked away I felt so cold knowing I would never be in his arms again, nor did I think I wanted to.

Meiling walked towards me. She subtly grabbed my arms and held me tight to her.

"You thought working for me was bad. You haven't seen hell yet." With that I was released not only from her grasp, but from her clutches altogether.

I was no longer her property. I was nothing to her now, as I was nothing to Syaoran.

The closer I crossed the border over to Clow I felt colder and colder. I was so aware of him still looking at me, but I refused to acknowledge him.

"My dear," Mr Tsukishiro said as he opened the car door for me to get in.

The door shut, the engine revved to life, Tsukishiro slid in beside me, we drove away.

And I didn't look back, it was too painful. Too painful to look back and see the biggest mistake of my life, him.

All warmth slipped out of my body and to an unknown place.

Tsukishiro spoke about Clow, the radio's beat pumped through the atmosphere, other traffic merged with their cluster of machinery noises, but all I could hear in my own little world, was the sound of my heart…breaking.

X x x

**Hope you like it! :D **

**I have no idea when my next chapter will be posted but as always, I'll try to get it up soon! **

**Anyways, below is an extra to get you excited about the next chapter! **

**R&R!**

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

"So, when are you going to teach me how to use a gun?" She asked as she kicked a small stone further into the alley.

"Never." I answered. "They're not playthings Rae."

She rolled her eyes and shuddered in her coat. We walked on down the alley towards home. The wind whistled between us and under the shelter of the shadows, we appeared invisible. There was a calm silence where we were.

But something was off….

At the end of the alley, a silhouette emerged. It didn't budge, but stood there tall and lurking like an ominous statue. My feet came to a sudden halt and my arm impulsively went out to prevent Rae from going any further.

She didn't say anything as her eyes became large and worried.

"Get back." I whispered not taking my eyes off the silhouette.

Rae retreated behind me and clung onto a piece of my jacket with a fist.

The shadow, now recognisable as a man, walked forward. Nothing was said until he came to a stop about twenty feet from us. A chill ran up my spine as my hazy memory cleared at the familiarity of this mysterious person.

My hand moved to my hip, I was not shy of showing him my gun. Even from the distance, I saw a small smile. Rae gasped from behind me and her grip on me tightened.

"Syaoran…"

"It's ok Rae." I assured her. Although, I had no idea what was going on.

My eyes locked with him. It was like a scene from my past. I haven't been in a situation like this in years. Normally I would have an adrenaline rush, face the challenge head on.

But…my priority was not my welfare of personal gain, it was Rae.

"Kero." I said feeling the familiarity of his name roll off my tongue.

Kero stood in his six foot five frame looking at me with a strange expression. He was as bulky as ever. He cocked his gun and mirrored my position. My mind was caught between him and Rae. I needed to get her out of here. I doubt Kero was here for a friendly visit.

"Li, what a nice reunion." He said with a small laugh.

I gave him an icy glare.

"What's your business here?" I asked trying to keep the situation as civil as possible.

"To be honest Li, I'm just here on orders."

"What does Clow want with me?"

"Oh no, I'm not on Clows orders. I guess this is just a side project from the boss lady." There was a coy smile on his face.

"Rae, run." I whispered but she was paralysed and her feet were frozen to the concrete beneath us.

"Actually Li, my business isn't with you. Hand her over and we won't have a problem." His face was serious.

"Well then you'll have to get through me."

BANG!

The pain was bearable but weakening. He aimed for my leg, I didn't expect that.

"Rae run!"

"But-"

"Go!" I shouted and gave her a rough shove in the opposite direction. She stumbled a bit before taking off in a hasty dash. Kero went after her taking long strides. I dashed for my gun and shot at him. Kero was so bulky that I doubt he even felt the bullet wound. He paused and with a cold glare he picked me up by the collar easily until my feet didn't even touch the floor.

"You've always rubbed me up the wrong way Li. If the boss lady didn't specify not to kill you, your blood would be all over this alley."

I reached for my pocket knife but at the same time he twirled his gun backwards and slammed in onto my forehead. I didn't even feel my body slam the pavement when he let me go.

I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness. My vision blurring... hazing over. I tried to move but my body couldn't react. Kero dashed away from me down the alley.

Wait…..Rae…I have to save Rae…I had to keep her….safe…

I tried to roll onto my knees, to move but…

I groaned, I was losing a lot of blood.

Then I heard her screams.

"Syaaaaoraaaaaaaan!" Her screams echoed.

"R…Rae?"

"Put me down! Syaoran!" She screamed as they neared me. Kero slung her over his shoulder and she kicked and screamed but Kero didn't flinch as he walked by me.

"Kero…" I said clutching my wound. "You…bastard… let her go. It's between you and me, not her." I balled my fists but still I couldn't move. "If you hurt her…I will kill you."

Damn it! I was too weak! Rae…

Kero stepped forward and kicked my ribs. The wind wooshed out of me and I fell to the cold hard ground.

"I don't know what Sakura ever sae in you. Looks like it's going to be the second women you let slip out of your hands now." He said shaking his head and turned his heel.

"Syaoran! Syaoraaan!" She screamed.

I felt her fear, her petrification. It was killing me. My body wouldn't move. Everything was so hazy, her screams were becoming white noise. I held my hand out and tried through my blurred vision to stop him but…I was slipping, slipping from conciseness…watching my daughter being taken from me.

It was like seeing Sakura leave me that night, and I did nothing. Except this time I wanted so badly to save her…

The last thing I heard was the door slam, an engine start and the screech of the tyres as the car sped away with her, with my daughter…

X x x


	23. Short Reunion

**I feel like I haven't uploaded in so long!**

**Sorry about that!**

**Anyway, here's two chapters, (originally one big chapter)**

**Enjoy!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

"Stooop!" I howled for the millionth time as he dragged me across a vast area I could not see.

My heels scraped the ground to create friction but he moved me with ease. I kicked, punched, bit and chew but he seemed to feel nothing. The only thing he took any notice of was my squirming.

"Please stop squirming." He said frustrated.

I twisted and turned in his arms but could not break free. He threw a black bag over my head as soon as I was thrown into the car. It didn't seem like we were driving very long before he took me out of the car. Oddly enough he was not rough or harsh on me. It was like he was gently kidnapping me.

The change in coldness told me we had entered a building.

"Stop! Let me go!" I barked but there was no point.

He was huge, twenty times the size of me, my struggles had nearly no effect on him.

Finally, after a door was opened he dropped me and I landed hard onto a wooden floor. I tore the bag from my head and lunged at the closing door.

"Hey hold up kid!" He said throwing his huge arm out to block me. "Relax ok?"

"You killed Syaoran don't tell me to relax!" I howled and he scoffed.

"Trust me, it will take a lot more than that to kill Syaoran. He's fine."

I grabbed the pocket knife that was previously inaccessible to me, flicked it and lunged for him.

"Shit!" He said and blocked me, easily taking it from my grasp. "Kid you need an exorcism!" he huffed.

"Let me go!" I barked again and he restrained me like that wild animal I was.

I was seeing red, I kept seeing Syaoran unconscious on the concrete because of me. Not only that, I was terrified, terrified of this man who took me from Syaoran to this strange place.

"Look I'm not going to hurt you kid."

He let me go and I looked to all the windows to find an escape route.

"Will you take care of her or something? Don't just stand there!" Kero said addressing someone I didn't see yet. Suddenly, thin white arms encircled my waist and arms. Some black hair that wasn't mine fell over my shoulder.

Whoever was holding me, they weren't very strong. With ease I broke from her grasp and spun around to see a girl who was no taller than me. She had a tiny, petite frame with a small round face and black hair that stopped at her elbows. She brought her fists to her mouth and retreated back a few steps. No one said anything and my head darted from Kero to the girl.

I was ready to pounce again when unexpectedly, Kero sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Take care of her." He said addressing the girl. "Remember, you're not supposed to hurt her." He grabbed his coat and left as if I was an unbearable ordeal.

When the door slammed shut I looked at her with cold eyes. I bolted for the door, kicking and punching it despite the pain it was causing my knuckles. I screamed hoping someone would hear me.

Hands clamped over my mouth and pulled me back,

"Shhhhhhh!" She hushed me and there was a huge fear in her eyes. "Please don't shout! Just be quiet a little longer!"

I pushed her away from me and she fell to the ground. She was tiny but I could tell she was older than me. She trembled as if I were the threat when I was being kept hostage.

She had huge hazel eyes and her hands were too delicate to be killers hands. She must be hostage too?

"D-do you w-w-w-want a d-d-drink?" She said nervously.

"I want to go back! Get me out!" I yelled and she threw herself at me with panic.

Her face was inches from mine. "Nobody here will hurt you I promise!" She then released me and I looked at her with confusion.

"Aren't you hostage too?"

"No, no, no! I work with them. Well…" She threw her hand out. "Kinda work with them. I don't kill people of anything, honest!"

I wasn't convinced. She was small, I could take her. I've fought with much worse in the valley.

"Look." She said putting her hands out. "Kero is a really nice guy! He's just rough but… he wouldn't hurt you! He's sweet."

"He hurt my dad! I saw it!"

She bit her lip and thought of something to say. "Kero doesn't hurt just anyone. He's probably on orders. He wouldn't hurt a little girl like you though. If anything," She shuffled in forward until the tips of her toes touched mine. "It's the boss lady you should be worried about. I mean, shes fine when you stay on her good side but…you don't want to be on her bad side."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't care who she is, Syaoran is going to come here and kill anyone in the way." I huffed but inside my heart began to beat faster.

He was going to come…right? He was going to save me…wasn't he?

The girl shook her head so rapidly her sleek hair fell in front of her eyes.

"You don't know the boss lady, she's tough. No one takes her down…"

"We'll see." I snarled.

I couldn't imagine a woman taking Syaoran down…no way.

"You must have done something bad…" The girl said and shuffled on the spot with a worried face. "The boss lady rarely does anything outside of what the boss says."

I turned away from her and looked at my knuckles, I didn't even realise they were bleeding and seeping into the natural cracks of my skin. My feet ached from trying to kick the door down. The image of being taken away from Syaoran replayed over and over again in my mind.

"Here." The girl said lightly touching my hands and leading my towards the kitchen. "I'd avoid trying to kick the doors down. They're reinforced doors to keep hostages in. It doesn't look like much but this place was built for this purpose. Business deals, hostages, drug trade, negotiations-"

She stopped when she saw the horrified look on my face. She cleared her throat and scratched the back of her head. Not knowing what to do she simply carried on cleaning my wounds.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

I didn't even ask her name. My mind was focused on something else.

Syaoran…will he actually find me? I didn't even know where I was, how would he? Panic seeped into my veins, was I stuck here?

Was this girl telling the truth? Was Kero telling not a bad guy? But…who was this woman? Did she want me for ransom, and old rival gang against Syaoran?

I don't know…

I sat in silence staring at my wounds which the girl was cleaning. After a minute of silence her hazel eyes lazily floated up to mine and with a small soft smile she said,

"I'm Fuutie by the way."

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

For a moment I had no memory of the nights events.

In fact, I didn't even know how I ended up on my couch in my apartment. Then I remembered.

"_Syaoraaaaan!"_

Rae.

I bolted upright.

"Calm down." Fanran said rushing to my side.

I told her everything and the more I heard it out loud, the angrier I was getting. My fists balled…Kero. You bastard.

More importantly…Rae.

"Syaoran stop!" Fanran protested when I went to move, grabbing my coat and ignoring the throbbing pain in my forehead. "You don't even know where to look!"

"I'll find her." I said with determination. "I have to."

Fanran sighed and ran her hands through her blond messy hair.

"You're in no condition to go anywhere." She pushed me back onto the couch and narrowed her eyes. "I'll look for her."

"What about Meiling? Will she let you?"

Fanran squared her shoulders. "This is more important Syaoran. We'll find her. But there's no point in just going out shooting people while you're injured."

She turned her heel and grabbed her coat. She locked her jaw and glanced back at me. "It's not like before Syaoran. She will come back. We'll get her back."

When she left I threw my head into my hands. How did I let this happen again? How, how did I let her get taken from me. Fanran has to be right. I have to get her backIn a way it was just like when Sakura left. Only this time, I would react differently. I wouldn't just stand by…I will find her…I will find her. ..

X x x

**Eriol's POV: 16 Years Ago**

"Tomoyo, you're over reacting."

"How!?" She screamed and grabbed my suitcase off me again. "How do you expect me to act when you tell me something like this?" She furiously rubbed her wet eyes with the back of her hand and waddled away with my heavy suitcase.

"Tomoyo can't you see? This is what we both wanted! Look, I'll only be gone a few days and when we come back-"

"If you come back!" She fumed.

"Of course I will."

"Damn it Eriol you're acting as if you have control over this! It's Meiling who's sending you to Clow! She can't be doing it for a good reason! I have a bad feeling about it. Besides, you can't leave Syaoran. He's a mess since Sakura left. He can't take care of himself. He'll only listen to you. What do you think will happen if you leave!?"

"I know Syaoran's in a bad way but he knew what he was doing I can't help him. We have to think about us." I hated to be selfish like this. But I've don't nothing to move Tomoyo and I forward. Syaoran's circumstances are bad, I know. But I can't prolong my future with Tomoyo any longer.

"But-"

"Tomoyo." I said clasping her hands in mine and looking into her lavender eyes. "Listen to me. Once Clow realises that we're not on Meiling's side, he'll help us. I thought Meiling would let me walk free from Li eventually but…it's never going to happen. I'm so sorry it took me this long to figure that out. But this is our only chance. I promise," I stroked her soft hair. "I promise I'll come back and we'll leave."

Her lip quivered and the flood of tears followed. She shook and fell into my chest. It killed me to leave her. I couldn't even bear the thought of it but….if it gives us any chance to leave this place then I'll do it.

"You p-p-promise you'll come home." She stuttered.

"I promise." I whispered into her scalp.

I hope to….

She was not the only one who had a bad feeling about this; I too was suspicious of Meiling's request for me to negotiate with Clow. She was still using me to extort from Clow, probably her only use left for me. That was fine, I'll take full advantage of that.

After all, it may be a gateway to finally making Tomoyo happy.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

One thing I was known for was my stubbornness.

I clutched my wounds and through the bitter coldness of the alley where my daughter was dragged from, I staggered forward. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I couldn't do nothing.

The guilt was burning a hole in my chest. I had to find her. I had to get to her before Sakura took her from me…again.

I hissed as the pain from my rib throbbed.

My thoughts flew to Sakura. How would she feel about Rae…? Did she have a plan for Rae? Or did she even think about her when she gave her away?

Then I felt another ache. There was an undecided pain in my heart when I thought of Sakura. Was it a pain of anger I felt towards her, hatred that she kept Rae from me, or was I still just heartbroken?

The end of the alley appeared with its dim green light leading the way.

I felt alone, childless and in pain.

I never noticed the footsteps approaching ahead of me. I never noticed the small shadow sleeking past the walls and onto the visibility of the alley. Like a ghost, silent and subtle, a thin silhouette came to view.

At first I expected Kero. I expected him to come back for more, finish me off for his satisfaction.

But no…

This silhouette was thin, more still and an aura of mind-numbing familiarity.

Under the shelter of their trench coat, a head curled up and under the dim orange streetlight.

Though I was a good few feet away, I could clearly make out the two strikingly green eyes that fell on me.

I felt like I was thrown into the most intense flashback. My heart stopped dead and my feet froze on the hard ground. The air was so still. I never blinked, afraid that if I did I would be lifted out of this mirage I was witnessing. The ultimate ghost from the past…

She watched me as I gaped at her. Her own eyes were unreadable…and different.

My heart, which had stopped, now pumped fiercely against my ribcage.

This had to be a dream, a sweet but nightmarish dream. I had to move closer, I had to see for myself if it was truly her…

My feet found themselves and lifted heavily one by one closer towards her…

"Don't come any closer." Her voice was so icy. So cold in fact, it made me question who the voice belonged to.

My feet stopped once again in their tracks.

I parted my lips to say something…anything…

"Why are you still here?" She said and kept her expression stony. "You should have left a long time ago."

She lifted her head up and the collar of her coat fell down to reveal her face. An unbearable ripple of pain shot through my chest. Her face, it was so….the same.

I couldn't help it, I simply could not prevent the smile that spread on my face. Her voice, it was so…good to hear her voice.

"You came back." I said not finding the appropriate words. "Sakura." I had to say her name; I needed the air around me to hear her name. She was here… Sakura…was here…

There was no hiding the hint of…happiness in my voice. Her lips pressed into a hard line as if wishing I were not pleased. She did not want me to be happy about this reunion. I never knew how she would react at a moment like this. I just never thought she would be so…distant.

With a strange smile I staggered forward towards her. I had to see her more closely. I needed my eyes to get better confirmation.

"Syaoran." She said harshly and backed away. "Don't come any closer."

I didn't stop. How could I when the cause of my despair and heartbreak for the past fourteen years was because of her. How could I let her slip away now?

Then she tore her gun from behind her. "Syaoran I mean it. I won't hesitate to kill you."

"I want to see your face." I whispered.

She shook her head fiercely. "Don't touch me." She spat.

Though her gun looked ready to fire, her stance betrayed her. There was a slight shake of her hand. She wouldn't, I knew that. Her eyes, which were full of determination once, were now hesitant.

I didn't hesitate for a second as I came closer to her. My hand wrapped around her gun slowly and her eyes expanded. I pushed it down by her side and her arm went limp, almost willingly. I kept her gaze and I brought her hand down to her side.

Contact.

The slight feel of her finger against mine flooded my heart with the memories of us. She trembled. I had no idea what was going through her head. I had to admit, I was nervous too being with her after so long.

Her hard exterior faded from her body but her face read a certain tenseness. Her hands shook as I inched towards her. I didn't know what to do now that she was this close to me after so long. My body reacted for me.

My hands in one swift movement my hands cupped her face tightly and brought in inches from mine.

She tried to jerk back but couldn't escape. I wouldn't let her. Her hands grabbed my wrists and tried to pry me away but to no avail.

"Don't move." I hummed and stared into the green depths of her eyes.

Her face, it was the same, same small features, same full lips I once use to kiss. But her eyes…something was different. They were cold, detached. They once flickered with life but now…they were like hollow orbs…dead inside and empty.

My thumb moved along her soft skin. Her cheeks were hollow, sucked of life. Even those green eyes were sunken into her skull. Time had not aged her, but it certainly changed her. She was the same…but different.

She was cold, unreadable. She was once an open book, now I could not interoperate her in the slightest.

"It's been so long." I whispered and didn't break the intense gaze I had her locked in. "It doesn't feel like you're real."

I marvelled at her at the same time. My thumb stroked the faint pink line of Rika's scar. Every day I thought about her. My Sakura. All the bitterness, the loneliness and despair I felt drained away as my palms caressed her soft cheek. If this was a dream I wanted to be preserved in it for all of eternity.

I took in every part of her face. I couldn't get enough because for all I knew, I could blink and she'd be gone again, out of my grasp.

She didn't say anything. It was like she was judging my motives, my reasons for acting this way.

"I have so I've wanted to say to you for so long. I never thought I'd see you again."

She locked her jaw.

Then, my hand that was caressing her soft cheek mover to the back of her neck and my hands clawed in her hair and grabbed it tightly. Not too tightly to hurt her, but tight enough to shift the atmosphere.

She winced and knitted her brows in confusion over my sudden change.

"First thing's first, I want her back." I said lowly.

Her stony face broke into a small crooked smile. "You want her back?" She snickered.

BANG

I recoiled onto the ground and clutched my left side.

Her face twisted with rage.

"You think after fourteen years you can make demands of me?" She said in an icy but low voice as if she was shaking with rage.

Again her eyes turned that bitter shade of hate.

"You think after everything you-" She broke off, smiled a dead smile and shook her head. "You were never meant to see her. The only reason I'm here is to warn you to leave. Leave now while you still can and while I won't kill you…yet."

BANG

Another bullet pierced my shoulder again.

"You honestly think she's safe with you? Really? You are the LAST person she was ever meant to be with!" She spat.

There was so much venom in her voice. I never imagined this side to her. Yet…the way she said it was insinuating more. This wasn't just about Rae…this was about us.

"She was fine with me. Had I known about her years ago, she would never be in danger." I said getting angry myself.

She took a step back. My words hit a nerve. "You unbelievable bastard." She grinded her teeth, clenched her fists. "You don't stop, do you? You have to keep pushing it."

"What are you talking about? What happened fourteen years ago-"

"I don't care about that and I don't care about you Syaoran! She's not yours to take care off and only I know what's best so forget about her!" She screamed and her voice bounced off the walls until it faded into bitter silence.

"You know what's best? You left her years ago Sakura you can't say you know her at all!"

She locked her jaw. Anger was seeping into her veins and boiling there.

"When Clow makes his move. You better run, because I will kill you if you get in our way." With those words, she turned her back to me.

"Sakura," I said despite the pain from her bullet wounds.

She turned her head sideways at me.

"It was good seeing you again. I missed you."

She stood there silent with her bleak green eye staring down at me. She was disturbed by my words. I was sending her all sorts of signals. I didn't know how to feel. She didn't want to hear that…there was too much history for such words.

But I meant it. She was alive…she was still here…and I got to see her.

But…she was cold, so cold. It was a strange comfort to see her again yet, she was not the same. Did I do that to her?

Regardless…

Rae is my daughter. I will get her back even if I have to take her by force…

Loosing blood again, my head hit of the concrete. Rain began to fall onto my face. Such a short lived reunion. I never saw it like that in my head.

But she could have killed me. She could have ended it but she didn't. She warned me to leave; she was giving me a chance to escape. But why? If she's working for Clow, what does my life matter?

Unless…maybe in her deadened heart, our past was stopping her?

It didn't matter, I was staying here.

This isn't it Sakura, this will not be our only meeting.

We'll meet again very soon, believe me when I say that…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

Palms sweating, heart racing…

I shivered at the thought of our reunion.

How did I let myself become weak!? How did I let him…touch me?

I sucked in the icy air and shivered. He…he didn't hate me. Not at the start. But why did he look like that? Why was he happy to see me? Like the past few years never happened? I was disappointed in myself. He looked…the same. His eyes were broken though.

But when they stared into mine it was as if no time had passed at all and all his pain was reeling through his eyes like a tragic movie.

I slammed my hand against the wall to steady myself and clutched my chest. I can't breathe. I wanted to say something but…I couldn't bring myself to say what I was feeling. It was better that I didn't. It was better for me to be absorbed into the side of me that loathed him with everything I had.

When I returned to my temporary place of living all was silent.

Kero sat unconscious in front of the tv snoring lightly with the tv blaring in flashing images. Fuutie had her head rested against his chest and was also unconscious. I roughly kicked him and he jerked awake in a daze. Seeing me glaring down at him induced surprise and shock as he bolted to his feet and patted down himself.

"Boss Lady." He said referring to the other name I've become accustomed to.

"I assumed you did what I asked." I said and tried to ignore my aching desire to know.

He cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yeah. She's asleep. She's feisty though. I never thought she'd stop screaming and kicking. She seemed really upset about Syaoran though." He scratched his head. "Hey did you know Syaoran had a kid? I never would have imagined that loser having offspring. Is that why you wanted me to take at her? To get back at Syaoran-"

"Leave." I said sourly and walked away from him.

Someone as dim as Kero would never have copped on to the striking resemblance that the girl had to me. That's why I sent him.

Again my heart raced. Fourteen years. I stood in front of the door which she lay behind. It was worse than my reunion with Syaoran. Wanting to see her and yet…dreading it. What does Rhaya know about me? Would she recognise me? Does she know about my awful past?

I threw my face into my hands.

How can I do this? I don't even know what I can do for her. I haven't felt so helpless in all my life, so incapable of doing what should come natural to me.

"Fuutie." I called out.

She tucked a strand of long thin black hair behind her ear and looked up at me with her huge hazel eyes.

"Sakura-sama." She said and unfolded her legs. She came down off the windowsill and half-sprinted towards me only to stop a few feet from me when she remembered her place. "I'm so glad you're ok. I was worried."

I breathed heavily in as she waited for me to acknowledge her.

"Sakura-sama?" She said taking a step forward. "Did something bad happen. Are you wounded?"

I wasn't wounded. Not physically anyway.

Then I turned to her and looked down at her. Syaoran sister. Nobody knew that but me. Nobody knew she was the sister sold off to Clow at birth. The youngest Li, yet…the one who would certainly survive. Not Yelens child though. She was the child from a Xiao Lang Li's legitimate marriage. She also suffered a horrendous fate.

"Load and polish the guns." I said in a detached manner.

She nodded but hesitated to leave. She stared up at me with a look of worry like she had often done.

"Now!" I said harshly. She scurried off to do her errands. I had to be alone for this.

My hand touched the door handle. It froze there for a while before I pushed it open. It reclined back and I stood at the door, looking in onto something…strangely incredible.

She slept so soundly that only for her brown hair spread like a cover around her face I would not have noticed her. She was curled up into a ball, hands balled against her face, shielding me from view.

My feet moved on their own accord, acting on my inner most wants. As I sat on the bed beside her I felt like I was being immersed into a dream. A dream I've wanted for so many years now.

My fingers delicately moved the hair from her eyes, careful not to disturb her sleep. Thick eye lashes curled up from her sleeping eyes. Her small mouth was slightly parted and she silently slept.

She was so…beautiful. She was…more than what I could have imagined. My hands shook as they stroked her head, careful not to stir her in her sleep. I wanted to cradle her tightly like she was the baby I left so many years ago. Now, she was back.

_But not for long_, said a voice in my head. It was right. Soon I'd have to send her away. To where, I don't know. But for now, she was here.

My chest tightened. I've never seen anything so…precious.

It was all for her. I had to save her to redeem myself.

I rose up to leave but found myself staring at her and smiling to myself.

"You're safe." I whispered to myself relieved.

As I reached the door there was a sudden movement behind me. A ruffle of the bed sheets followed by her disorientated self-sitting upright. At first she is in a daze as her eyes squint around the unfamiliar room. Then her eyes, intensely amber, fell onto me.

I tensed up and whirled around. My face drained of colour. I couldn't look at her. Her eyes…they were so much like his.

"What's going on… Are you that Boss Lady woman!" She said raising her voice with a tinge of…anger?

I heard her stand upright and take a few steps towards me. "I'm talking to you! Why did you take me here? I want to go home!" Her voice was demanding with some fatigue weighing it down.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't even look at her without being overwhelmed by a cluster of emotions.

"I want to go back to Syaoran!"

I gasped silently as if I were smacked in the face.

Those words…they hurt…so much.

"You…want to go back…to Syaoran?" I said with my hand fluttering to my heart and pressing against it as if her words burned. They hurt so much, worse than a bullet wound.

"Yes! Let me go!" She yelled.

Slowly, it might have been a bad move, but I turned to her. In the dim light I didn't think she would see me clearly.

I was mistaken.

Her eyes expanded into the shape of shock. The atmosphere shifted into one of hesitance and panic. She froze before my eyes, incapable of finding her words. Then, her hand rose up to touch just under her eye, the place my scar was on myself.

For the longest moment she was paralyzed in an emotion I could not pinpoint.

"You…you're…"

I held my breath waiting for her to say it. To say my name, but she couldn't. I wanted to say something but I myself was too struck in my own incapability to make this situation easier.

"You're…her." She said settling for a less informal title.

I said nothing. What was there to say? Yes, I'm the mother who abandoned you all those years ago, the woman who loathes your father and kept him a secret from you?

"I…I..." She stumbled. "Why did you bring me here?" She asked in a meek voice.

Her eyes were so big, so clear, they made me feel guilty.

"You're not safe here, in Tomoeda. I need to get you out of here." I said trying to keep my voice steady when in reality, it took so much not to crumble before her.

"I was safe with Syaoran." She said and knitted her brows together. "He was keeping me safe."

"For now. He can't even protect himself let alone you!" I interrupted semi-harshly and she retreated back a step in shock.

As soon as I said it I regretted it so much. I put my hand out as if that would stop her from retreating further. But it was already too late. I had frightened her.

What was wrong with me! She was…she was Rhaya. Not the child I left long ago, she was a girl perfectly able to judge those around her. I must be a monster in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said.

Why was I angry? Is it her want to be with Syaoran angering me? How could she want to be with him!?

I looked away. I wasn't prepared for this.

"You're not going to kill Syaoran, are you?" Her voice swelled with fear. As if the thought of me killing Syaoran would shatter her. How can that be? How can she honestly feel that way about him?

How can anyone feel that way about a monster like him?

"I should go." I said leaving her.

I couldn't be here, I couldn't hear this.

"Wait!" She shouted and came closer to me but halted last second as if I held an icy barrier she could not pass. "You can't kill Syaoran!" She said. "I know what he did to you but he's sorry! He still hates himself for everything!"

"You don't know anything." I spat through my teeth.

The low harshness of my voice silenced her. Then her lower lip quivered. It was a heart-breaking sight that caused my heart to ache. Why was I like this! Why couldn't I just for one second detatch myself from my assassin side?

"I'm so sorry-"

"I may not know everything but what I do know is that Syaoran is coming for me and he's going to save me!" She shouted and a tear fell from her eye. She furiously wiped it away with the back of her hand.

Save her? Did she think I was going to hurt her? She thought she was in danger? I'm trying to protect her! How was I branded as the bad guy?

"I'm not trying to hurt you I'm trying to keep you alive!"

"By sending me away from the only person who can protect me!?"

"Who told you that?"

"Tomoyo! In a letter after she sent me away." She balled her fists and her amber eyes narrowed.

I became silent. When she was like this all I saw was Syaoran. Not my child, just Syaoran's daughter. I can't stay here. All I'm doing is causing her grief. I never thought a reunion like this would go this way. Then again, I never thought she would be so attached to Syaoran.

"You're not what I thought you'd be." She whispered.

At that moment I felt crushed. My chest tightened into an unbearable pain. My world was clashing with itself. The urge to comfort her, to hug her and tell her that the only reason I carried on with my horrible life was to make sure she was safe. Yet, the other side of me told me that it was better that she thought of me as this cold person. Because eventually, I will have to part ways with her again.

My own death was nearing. It was better off that my motherly skills were so disastrously not in-tact. It was for the best.

"I'm sorry I'm a disappointment." I said in a detached voice as if I didn't care.

The hurt in her eyes reminded me of Syaoran. So much hurt and tragedy within such a small girl. I will make it end. She will have a normal life. That can only happen without Syaoran and I present.

I can never be the mother I wanted to be.

As much as it broke my heart to do, I left and locked the door behind me.

I leaned on the other side of the door. Wishing I said none of what I did. Wishing I could just spill out how much I have missed her since that day I left, how and why I left her. I knew she would want to know why I left her. I'm glad she didn't ask.

Maybe she doesn't want to know, maybe she doesn't care, or maybe deep down she wished that I was not her mother…

She would be better off that way…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Later that Night**

"Damn it Syaoran can't you just not try and get yourself killed for at least twenty four hours!?" Fanran said in an annoyed voice.

I opened my eyes groggily and saw I was still in the alley where Sakura had shot me. I was passing out a lot lately. Fanran had me bandaged up already.

"Fanran!" I said grabbing her arm. "She was here, Sakura, she was here!"

She knitted her eyebrows together at my strangely relieved tone of voice.

"Yes Syaoran and she shot you. Twice. I don't see how you're so relieved at that."

"She's alive." I repeated. "But she has Rae. She's going to take her from me as soon as possible." I said remembering the anger that coursed through me. Seeing her take Rae from me a second time. It was enough to turn all the feeling I have for her into anger.

"I know Syaoran, I saw that whole thing." Fanran said running her hand through her hair. "I followed her back to her hideout. District 21, the abandoned apartments is where she's keeping Rae."

I bolted upright with new adrenaline cancelling out any pain from my wounds. There was no time to waste as we strode forward to get Rae back, even if I had to fight Sakura for her...

x x x


	24. Cold Inside

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

I feel utterly numb…

One of the greatest expectations of my life has turned out to be nothing like I thought it would be. She was so cold, so icy. My thumb stroked the pictured Syaoran gave me of Sakura. She was so different then. There was life in her eyes, not this bleak emptiness I saw in her just there.

And the way she spoke…how can she say that about Syaoran? Doesn't she know he is still hurting as much as she is. She can't possibly want to kill him. She can't! I can't let her!

It was so frustratingly annoying though. Sakura…Syaoran…both hurting because of each other. Neither of them knowing the other was in so much pain.

And there was me…stuck in the middle…

Yet at the same time I could do nothing. She was determined to keep me here.

I lay on the bed with so much confusion. How can that woman be the same one Tomoyo described to me? How can she be the kind and gentle person who gave me up years ago? She couldn't be the same woman who gave birth to me. In appearance yes, But I could not identify myself with her.

I began to cry. I clutched my hair in my hands and wished so desperately to open my eyes and be back in my room in the valleys. Tomoyo would be there with me. I would never want to leave.

Tomoyo, I want so desperately to see you again. You alone were the only mother I ever knew. How could I ever expect anyone to replace her? For so much of my life Tomoyo has been there for me. Then slowly, Syaoran became another vital part of my life. Though he was cold in the beginning, a part of me always knew he would eventually accept me and love me.

Sakura…she was different.

She doesn't even want me. She plans on sending me away again. I had so many questions I've wanted to ask her my whole life if I ever met her but right now…I don't think I want to know. Maybe it was best she gave me up. Maybe I was lucky.

Or maybe…I wasn't giving her a chance?

Then the door opened. I braced myself, waiting for her to return but instead Fuutie poked her head around the door.

"Are you feeling ok?" She asked with a small smile.

I nodded. I was ok for now. Just biding my time until Syaoran came…hopefully.

Fuutie sat on the bed beside me and swung her legs. Though she was older than me her body was tiny and I got the impression she was never exposed to the dangers of gangs. In fact, I couldn't pinpoint exactly what her role was here.

"You must be really important to Sakura-sama for her to change her mood like that."

"What do you mean?" I asked becoming interested.

"Well, I've worked for her for years now and most of the time she's…detached. Like she is in her own world yet perfectly aware of what's going on around her. But after seeing you she's…sad."

I squinted at her.

"Don't get me wrong it's just personally I've never seen her care about anything or show any sort of emotion except anger, sometimes meloncholy. She's been through so much that it's made her carry a tough exterior but now…she's just sad."

"Who are you to her Fuutie?" I asked almost as an interrogation.

"I'm not really an anybody. Sakura took me under her wing years ago and spared me of the assassin's life. I guess I just do errands for her. Like a personal assistant. She's never taken me out of China though. I'm worried she's done with me."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She sighed. "There's going to be a big war here. Only one side will win, and a lot will die. Clow have been planning this for years. When the time comes, there will be no use for me because…"

"Because what?"

"Well…Sakura-sama…she might…die."

"Die…?" My pulse quickened when she said that.

Is that why she wants to send me away? Was she planning on not making it out alive from this war. I didn't know how to feel about that. We've finally re-united but under drastic circumstances. In fact, would she have even looked for me if this war wasn't going t happen?

"Yeah." She sniffed, I almost thought she was getting teary. "She's the strongest person I know but even she says when the time comes it will be bloody. Slowly she asks less of me. She says my time serving her is nearly over. I don't want it to be over."

"But why? You won't have to work for her anymore. Isn't that what you want?"

"No. I choose to follow her. I have no family, nobody. Kero, Yue and Sakura were the closest thing to a family I will ever have. If they die, I'll have no one. And Kero…I can't leave here!"

I didn't know what to say.

"Why do you want to stay with her is she can be so detateched?"

"She wasn't always like that. She hid her emotions but she always made sure I was ok. I can't explain it but, she truly did save me from what would have been certain death. I know you may think she's just a cold person but she's not! She's just hurting. Whoever you are, you mean a lot to her."

We both sat there and pondered for a moment. So she wasn't completely a bad guy. Maybe she was truly suffering. Still…I was so confused…I didn't know how to feel about her. This girl…wanted to stay with Sakura? She spoke about her as if she were her idol.

I had to admit…I was quite jealous.

Maybe if we had a better opportunity to talk to each other…?

Then front door suddenly slammed open followed by the sound of gunshots.

"Fuck you Li!"

There were two more gunshots and Fuutie screeched as she ducked down onto the floor with her hands on her head as a shield. I jumped up and raced to the door. Syaoran stood tall and angry over Kero. Fanran came in behind him looking slightly wounded.

Syaoran didn't notice me straight away but was more focused on the wounded Kero. For such a large man, the sight of Kero injured and unable to retaliate was strange. Syaoran raise his gun with a devious almost sly smile.

"You should have killed me when you had the chance." He said with distain and raised his gun. This was a different Syaoran from the one I was used to. This was assassin mode Syaoran. The killing Syaoran.

"No wait!" Fuutie screamed and ran past me despite the dangers surrounding her and her seemingly cowardly personality. Both Syaoran and Fanran swerved their heads towards her.

Unexpectedly, Fuutie threw herself over Kero and shielded his from Syaoran's gun. She was so small compared to Kero but it didn't seem to faze her. Kero, who was barely conscience tried to get here away.

Then something clicked in my head. Was Fuutie and Kero…an item? Her hands dug into his chest as if willing to die with him. Was I missing something?

She squeezed her eyes tightly expecting the bang of Syaoran's gun.

"Syaoran don't." I said which stopped him mid-action.

Was he really going to kill her? "Rae are you ok?"

I ran and slammed into him as my arms wrapped tightly around him. Relief. He was here, he actually came for me. Not that I ever doubted him, I just didn't think he would find me. His hand rested on my head, his gun grazing my scalp. His scent was so warming and reassuring.

"Come on." He said and led me out of this captive house. My heart raced my feet were heavy. What about her. Sakura? Where was she? Did Syaoran wonder that too? Was he hoping she would be here?

If he did, he didn't stop to wonder as he gave me an encouraging nudge forward.

"Fanran." He called behind him. "Come on."

When I looked back Fanran was looking strangely at Fuutie with her head cocked to the side. Fuutie cupped Kero's face asking him if he was ok and she pulled out a first aid kit and began to nurse him.

Fanran pried herself from the scene and we descended away from the strange scene. As we broke into the alleyway the cold air hit me so hard. I crawled into the backseat of Fanran's car and as she drove away I looked back.

I feeling of guilt tightened my chest. My reunion with my mother was so short-lived…so many things I wanted to ask her that Syaoran could never answer. So many things…

I sat there and hoped for some bizarre reason that we would meet again…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Later that Night**

After taking a much needed walk my head felt clearer, more cleansed and less frustrated.

Finally I could think. I couldn't leave the way things were with us, with Rhaya and I. I owed her a lot of answers. Even if she didn't want to hear them, she should know despite the pain it would cause me.

I gently placed the pink rose onto Rika's grave and sighed.

I had to make her see I was not this monster who wanted to kill Syaoran Not completely anyway. But…the attachment she showed to him, it can't be so strong. I simply couldn't imagine Syaoran accepting her into his cold heart. I won't believe it for a second. He thinks he can just take her away from me?

I haven't been away for even an hour but I missed her already. A small smile broke onto my face. When was the last time I truly smiled? I was a fool. She was right there and I walked away from something I've wanted for so long.

I patted the dirt from my knees and prayed quietly for Rika. Why I keep coming back I'll never understand.

"Won't be long now Rika. I'll be joining you soon."

X x x

"What happened!?" I barked as I entered into a bloody sight.

Kero had a bandage across his chest and Fuutie was washing his blood off her hands. The whole place was pulled apart, signs of forced entry.

"Li." Kero spat.

I dashed towards the bedroom and found it was empty.

"Where is she!?" I screamed and they both looked away terribly guilty. "I leave for a fucking hour and you let him take her from you!? For fuck sake Kero!" I roared and kicked over the table.

Anger, confusion…h-how did he find her?

Damn you Syaoran. I was livid, seeing a shade of red I never seen before. I clenched my fists so hard I could see the veins protruding out from them.

Damn you Syaoran…I will get her back. How dare you take her. Just when I got her back…just when I was willingly to tell her everything. You took her from me with her thinking I was a monster!

Then my phone rang in my pocket.

"Yes." I answered feeling ready to kill someone.

"Kinomoto."

A chill ran up my spine. His voice was bare, cold even through the phone. My spine became poker straight like a soldier responding to a command.

"Yes sir." I said trying to hide my surprise.

Never has he given me a direct phone call personally. To hear his voice was eerie.

"The rest have arrived in Japan and will be taking their places soon. I trust I can leave it in the hands of yourself and Yue."

"Yes sir."

"I will be making the public announcement tomorrow night. You have a week to finish your 'other duties'"

I froze.

"What do you mean sir?"

"Come now Kinomoto. You should know better than anyone that nothing is secret to me. I don't know exactly what you are doing over there in Japan but you better finish it soon. I need you Kinomoto. You're a vital part in all of this. We could not have done this without you." He sounded pleased with me.

But how did he know? I was foolish, Clow knew everything. Maybe not about Rhaya, but he knew I was not here acting on Clow organization related duties.

"I have full faith in you Kinomoto. And when all of this is over, you may do as you please. Have that normal life I promised you so many years ago."

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and thought of Rhaya.

"Yes sir."

"I'm counting on you Kinomoto."

He hung up and I stayed listening to the monotone sound on the other end.

I looked to Kero.

"Start preparing." I told him.

He nodded and hissed as he got up, nursing his wounds.

"Kero…" Futtie said in a sad tone. "Sakura-sama he's not ready."

"He does what Clow and I tell him to do! Get ready Kero."

Kero nodded and stumbled away.

"Fuutie." I said calling her over.

"Yes Sakura-sama?" She replied, as faithful to me as ever.

I didn't want to do this. But I had to; it was all part of my plan. This secret plan of mine which was secretly falling apart piece by agonizing piece. Fuutie's hazel eyes fixed on me in confusion. This time came too quick. I dreaded it.

"Fuutie, I no longer need you. You're service to me is done. You're free now."

Her eyes went blank for a moment, unable to digest what I said. Then when it sank in she shook her head fiercely.

"No Sakura-sama I'm not ready to leave!"

"You can't stay here Fuutie you'll die!"

"I don't care I don't want to stop working for you! I have no one Sakura-sama! No one!" She lunged at me and wrapped her arms around my waist in an unbreakable bond. "Don't make me leave, please. I want to stay even if I die. You and Kero are the closest to family I will ever have."

I sighed, it was such a sad thought. But…she can't stay with me.

"You knew this time would come Fuutie. We assassins have a war to fight but you," I lifted her chin up so she could face me. She wasn't a child, yet she was so innocent. Kero, Yue and I were all she ever knew. She lived her life doing what we told her to do. In a way she was a child kept and looked after in a dangerous bubble. "You, Fuutie, you are still young. You can live your life. Get married, have children and live until you're old. So many people in Clow envy that. I took you in so eventually you would get this chance to be free."

She began to cry and there her hands into her face.

I did not move to hug her or comfort her. She had to be tough. She had to leave.

"Kero…" She said through her tears and I clamped my hands onto her shoulders.

"Forget about him. You'll only hurt yourself in doing so."

"But…I can't leave him." She whimpered.

"You have no choice. Now take this." I said handing her a slip of paper. "Go to that address and wait there for a few days. If nobody comes for you, then leave. There's money in the bag I gave you. Start a new life do you hear me? Never look back on your life here at Clow."

"Sakura-sama…" She hugged me again in a tight embrace.

I too felt emotional, but I cannot show her it.

"Go say goodbye to Kero." I whispered to her and she nodded and slipped from my hands.

I heard her walk into his room. A few muffled words followed by the sounds of their lips against each other's. Although I couldn't hear their words, I was sure there was a few 'I love you's' in there followed by more heart wrenching vows of love to each other.

When she left, there was a nostalgic silence. One by one, we were disappearing. Not long now.

"It's your own fault Kero." I said sternly. "I told you not to fall in love with her. But you didn't listen. It's hurt you in the long run."

"Why send her away though? What if I survive this?"

"Listen to yourself Kero. We're not going to survive this. Do you want Fuutie's blood on your hands?" I said with my back turned to him. "If she stays with you she will die!"

"But…I love her."

"There is no love here!" I roared at him. "We don't love Kero we just hurt! People like us don't love! We want and we take and we desire but we DO NOT LOVE! We're just puppets constantly being pulled by a higher authority. Do you honestly think you could have a life with her!? She got a lucky escape from us!"

When I finished shouting an awkward silence fell over us. I hated those words. But they were so true. Kero was too simple to see that. Too…optimistic, I am a realist.

He looked at me not in anger, or hurt, but pity. Did he pity me?

"I'm sure you didn't always think like that Sakura. You must have really loved him, for him to damage you so much."

With that he walked away.

I was so tired, so fed up. There was only so much pain I can cause in one day. How was it when I think I hit the very bottom, there is another level to sink further into.

But for now, I had but one thing to do…

I had to save my daughter before this catastrophe befalls Tomoeda and traps her in it…

X x x

**It was a very short-lived reunion with a lot of questions still unanswered I know!**

**But there will be another reunion with all three in the nearby future where EVERYTHING spills out! **

**I'm taking a wee break from the Sakura/Syaoran present storyline and focusing on the past in the next few chapters and mainly on what happened to Tomoyo and Tomoyo/Eriol in the past and also a bit on what happened after Sakura left!**

**I've a LOT left to write so pleeeease keep reviewing!**

**As always, R&R!**

**X x x**

**Here's an extra that will lead into the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

Though my first kidnapping lasted only a day, I was so relieved to be back at the apartment.

I felt like I was away so long. Yet…something was bothering me.

"Rae," Syaoran said behind me. "You were quiet the whole way home. Are you ok?"

It was not the brightest question to be asked. Was I ok after being kidnapped. But I knew what he meant. I couldn't explain to him what was going through my head or my thoughts about my mother.

"You saw her, didn't you?" He asked sitting down beside me.

He looked back to make sure Fanran was not in hearing distance but she was on the phone and oblivious to our conversation.

"Yes." I said meekly.

"Me too." He said.

I gasped. "You did? W-what did she say? What did you say? Is she the one who shot you?"

"Relax." He said smiling.

I didn't notice it in the car, but Syaoran had a melancholy aura about him. Was he experiencing the same as I was?

"I'm sorry it's just….she was…"

"Cold." He finished for me.

"Yes." I admitted. I felt guilty saying that. Was it bad that after wondering for so long I was…afraid of her?

"She wasn't always like that." Syaoran said with the most depressing tone I have ever heard. "She used to be so…happy. Seeing her again was…thrilling yet…tragic."

Maybe it was best I didn't see her in her happier times. I could see in Syaoran's eyes he was comparing her to the better times. The comparison must be frightful for him to look so depressed.

We both sat there recalling our encounter with Sakura. It was surreal. But I wanted more time with her. I wanted…answers…why was she so sad after all these years.

Then doorbell suddenly rang. We all whipped out head towards the door frozen, perplexed and suspicious.

Only Fanran ever came here and she had a key. Who could possibly be here at this late, late hour of the night.

"You think they came back for her?" Fanran asked lowly keeping her eyes on the door.

Syaoran said nothing as he moved forward hand on gun. He nodded at Fanran who cocked her gun towards the door. I held my breath, heart racing. Has she come back for me so soon? Maybe I'd get my wish after all, or maybe I'd get a bloodbath…

Syaoran's hand curled around the door handle.

Click

The door swung back.

A body slammed down past the door with a horrendous thump onto the wooden floor.

I screamed so loudly and jumped back as the body landed face first. Syaoran went to move, cocking his gun and aiming it at what I now recognised was a woman standing at the door.

I clamped my hands over my ears expecting the gunshot, but it never came.

Both Fanran and Syaoran stood baffled at the tall woman with long brown hair at the door.

"K-Kayami." Fanran stuttered.

The woman crossed her arms and beamed a smile at her despite the two guns which were still aimed at her.

"Long time no see Fanran, Syaoran." She said winking at my father. "Look who I found on the streets barely alive." She said nodding down at the unconscious man on the ground.

I edged my way over, getting a hint that this woman meant no harm, and inspected the man.

Black hair, strong built, tanned skin…Though his eyes were closed there was no question beyond doubt that the eyes of this man were sapphire blue…

Eriol…

X x x


	25. Shanghai

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

It was another six hours before Eriol came into consciousness again.

We were all on edge with Fanran's rusty nursing skill but he became stable. Syaoran was talking to him in the other room while Fanran, myself and this woman named Kayami hovered in the kitchen in the awkward atmosphere.

Fanran was silent and it was obvious she didn't like Kayami. Whether it was a bad vibe, or some history they had, I felt stuck in the middle of something tense. The usually cheerful Fanran pursed her lips into a tight line and watched as Kayami floated about the living room inspecting and moseying around almost as if she owned the place. I felt like she just arrived and was invading my home.

I too wasn't sure about her.

She was a pretty woman with long wavy brown hair cascading down her back with a height of about five foot nine and a slender body to match. Her lips were a little too small and her eyes a little far art but she had a pretty face nonetheless.

"Looking for something?" Fanran said breaking the ice.

Kayami whirled around and shrugged seemingly oblivious to Fanran's grudging tone.

"Nope, just passing time." She said and stretched her arms over her head.

Fanran raised her eyebrow. "So how did you come across Eriol? I'm surprised you didn't hane him over straight to Meiling."

Kayami waved off what Fanran had said. "Oh Fanran, just because Meiling's my aunt that means nothing. I hate her just like you. Besides I've been looking for an excuse to see Syaoran, it's been a while." She smiled a little as she said that which made me uneasy and dislike hwer just that little bit more.

Fanran's hands clenched her knuckles and shot Kayami a dirty look. I tried to suss them out but when Kayami mentioned Syaoran like that…did he and Kayami…?

"Doesn't Meiling give you enough things to be doing instead of unnecessarily visiting my brother?" Fanran's voice was tight. "I'm sure Syaoran's just fine without you."

"I've only his best interests dear Fanran. I'm sure he's very lonely living here all by himself." I hated the way she said that. There was definite innuendo and she was so unashamed about it that I actually blushed with embarrassment.

Oh Syaoran, please tell me you wouldn't stoop to this woman. For a second, I felt disappointed with Syaoran. There was no way…he couldn't have had anything with her could he? It was strange that I felt like it was a betrayal of Sakura. The thoughts of another woman in his life was bizarre and unimaginable to me.

"You don't have to worry about him anymore Kayami, he busy enough taking care of his daughter." Fanran said winking at me with a satisfied grin.

Kayami whirled around with a shocked face. Her mouth dropped into a small 'o' shape when she saw me. I hadn't spoken since Eriol came here. I bet she took no notice of me.

"His daughter?"

"Isn't the resemblance to Sakura uncanny?" Fanran was full of glee knowing she hit a nerve.

Normally I wouldn't like being used as a weapon but in this case I was glad I had such a tactful aunt.

Kayami was lost for words for a moment. Then she composed herself and smiled at me though I knew it was a fake smile. If there was one thing to keep other women away from my father it was me…

The mood was tense. My father showed no signs of coming out of the room so I brought my attention to Fanran.

"Fanran?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to Sakura after she left?" It was a direct question that was suddenly out of the blue. I was use to bringing her up subtly and, shall I say, 'tricking' them into telling me things.

But after seeing her face in my mind I-…I couldn't blink the image away. After years of wondering I finally saw her in the flesh and was…frightened. Something else must have happened to change her so. Some event in Clow perhaps?

I couldn't blame Syaoran for what he did. He was only protecting her from the dire circumstances that were happening here. The fact it still hurts him so today just shows he regrets it.

Fanran ran a hand through her hair and blew hot air out of her cheeks. "I dunno honey. Up until today, the day your mother left was the last time I ever saw her."

I sighed.

I guess it was a mystery I wouldn't be finding out soon…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 16 years Ago**

"You must be hungry! I'll treat you to a-"

"No thank you."

"Well you must want to know about the city? We can do a tour-"

"No thank you."

"Well then maybe a briefing before you meet Clow-"

"No." I said curtly through my teeth. "I'm tired. I just want to sleep."

Mr Tsukishiro looked annoyed for a second then composed himself into a crooked smile. I clutched my rucksack tighter to my chest and kept my eyes fixed forward determined not to make eye contact with him. He has been pestering me with his suggestions since we landed in Shanghai.

He would not accept my determination not to spend any alone time by myself around him without a bodyguard. I was unable to relax. This city was bigger than Tomoeda and three times as intimidating.

I bit my lip and walked behind him and tried not to think of the events of the past night. Of him…

For an hour I sat in traffic with Mr Tsukishiro. From the reflection of the glass mirror I could see Tsukishiro's eyes travel up and down admiring me. It sent child up my spine.

I hope you're happy Syaoran…

When we arrived the place was a massive glamorous hotel that would have been seen from the outskirts of the city.

"That's where you shall be staying." He said pointing to quiet almost unnoticeable apartments in the background like tall pillars in the shadows. Like ninja's waiting patiently.

Tsukishiro informed me on the way that the hotel was a disguise for drug trading. Clever actually.

I wasted no time heading for them with Tsukishiro at my heels.

"I'm fine Mr Tsukishiro. I can find my way." I said with my head down and in a harsh enough tone.

I was mad, angry and hadn't had time to myself to think. I didn't want to think at the same time. I didn't want to waste my time thinking about that monster. I wasn't with him anymore. I was in a different country so he should be out of my mind!

"Oh allow me to accompany you Sakura-san."

I nearly punched him when he said my name. As if we were friends. As if I could tell him all my secrets. But silent I remained as he walked in short steps behind me running a hand through his slimy hair and patting down his grey suit.

I was all the way up on the forty-second floor. The luxury suite apparently. All the 'top' assassins are treated with the upmost respect, apparently.

We arrived in front of the door to my apartment.

Mr Tsukishiro's face dropped slightly and then twisted as if there was a bad smell. He glared at the door as he went to find his keys.

"You will be sharing a suite. But I warn you, this one…he's not very stable." He then turned to me and placed his pale white fingers on my shoulders making me shudder. His touch was so…vile, it was like he thought he had a right to me.

"If you are uncomfortable. You don't hesitate to call me. I will find you somewhere close to me so you don't feel lonely. I know how intimidating it can be moving here." Then his finger went to brush the hair out of my eyes.

I got a flashback.

Syaoran…he use to do that, he was so gentle when he did. For the briefest moment it would be like he was staring into my soul and understand every hardship I've ever been through, understand me like no one ever had.

But it was all a lie….

And Tsukishiro….his touch was similar, but vile in all sense of the word.

"I'll be fine." I said backing away from him.

As if I would want to be near him anyway.

Then from inside the door there was a noise muffled. I couldn't comprehend it. Then there was a muffled moan followed by a man and a woman's voice. The moans got louder and my cheeks began to flush a little red.

Mr Tsukishiro pinched the bridge of his nose as if this was expected of this new roommate of mine.

He harshly knocked three distinct times.

The noises behind the door stopped followed by a short laugh of the male voice. Footsteps neared the door followed by some shuffling. I wasn't even nervous of who I would be living with. In fact, I didn't even pay heed or cared about if we got along or not. I didn't care to get along; I just hated everyone at the moment.

The door flung open and my eyes landed onto a familiar face.

Yue.

I gasped a little not expecting him if all people.

"You…" I said.

He smirked and looked me up and down completely unashamed that he was shirtless with his almost white hair frazzled around his face.

"Lucky me." He said and laughed a short laugh.

"Can you be civil for a moment?" Mr Tsukishiro said angrily as if embarrassed for me.

"I'm not living with him." I said gritting my teeth. "He tried to kill me." I spat with memories of my task Syaoran sent me on flashing through my mind. Yue was there and he was shooting at me!

"Oh sweetheart," He smiled and reeled me in by my neck. "Why would I want to kill a sweet young thing like you?"

"I saw you there." I growled and changed my stance to defensive.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you doll you're too beautiful for that." He winked at me like I was meant to be utterly charmed by him.

From behind Yue and woman appeared in a shirt, presumably his. She had a thick head of black hair with an oval face. She yawned, stretching out her hands and said in an irritating squeaky voice, "Yuuuuuuey! We're not done already are we?" She pouted and smiled flirtatiously as she leaned against the wall.

Yue looked back at her and flashed her a smile. "No babe I'll be back in a sec." He winked at her which made her squeak and clap her hands like a child.

"Maybe this is not the best idea." Mr Tsukishiro chimed in almost glad we weren't getting along. "I'll inform Clow the arrangements don't suit." He began to steer me away.

Yue grabbed my elbow quite roughly and yanked me back. I looked at him baffled but he was glaring at Mr Tsukishiro.

"It's ok dear cousin. I will be a good host." He said almost strained.

My head swerved from the two. They were related? Either way, as bad as Tsukishiro was, I did not want to stay in the same place as someone who wanted to kill me.

I ripped my elbow from his and shot him a dirty look. His face which was so cocky a few seconds ago was now worried and uneasy. Was that because of Tsukishiro?

"She would prefer to not be with you it seems." Tsukishiro smirked.

"Let her speak for herself." He said matching his tone and re-grabbing my elbow.

Another woman's voice appeared from behind him. She had red hair which cut off at her shoulders and dull blue eyes with a few freckles splashed across her cheeks. She also wore one of his shirts which dropped at her shoulder showing her flesh. She wrapped her arms around his waist and shot her eyes at me.

"Aw she isn't joining us is she?" She said referring to me and pouted rubbing a hand over his abs.

I dropped my mouth disgusted and roughly shook him off. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed at her bad timing.

I retract my statement. I did not want to stay in the same place as someone who wanted to kill me and was a vile man-whore.

When I stood in the elevator and looked back the two girls were tugging him back into the suite but his eyes were still worried but soon shined at the girls as he closed the door leaving me alone with Mr Tsukishiro.

X x x

"It's quite spacious." He said smiling at me as he opened the doors to a different suite.

I was massive inside, bigger than Yue's.

He led me through to the kitchen and the living room which had a spectacular view of the city. It was so much more appealing than the view of Tomoeda.

He brought me into a room that was large. The only thing strange was that there was CD's on the shelves, and books and deodorant and other things that made it…personalised. Then I realised…this was his room…

"Sakura-sama…" He said taking my hand which I yanked back.

He didn't look phased but went over to a cabinet to pour out two glasses of whisky. I declined it and began to back away.

"You have been through so much recently. It breaks my heart. Working under Meiling and sold off by her like a piece of meat." He scoffed as if it was an ordeal for him.

"Trust me, you and I; we'll make a good team. I am very close with Clow, I can secure your future and your safety if you stay with me. I won't let what happened in Li, happen to you here. You're in safe hands."

Ironic, how I was a trained assassin and he expected he could protect me?

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I twisted my mouth as I retreated. His hands clamped rather firmly on my shoulder. He tilted his head down a little to get strong eye contact with me and said, "You may stay in my suite until other arrangements can be made for you."

I raised an eyebrow. Stay here? With him? In his suite?

I back away until my back hit against the wall.

"I'll be fine, I'll find somewhere else." I said curtly and walked away with my heart beating.

I then noticed in the corner some candles burning, curtains closed. Was he planning on my refusal to live with Yue…to get me here?

I was not afraid, I was angry. Angry he could think I was that easy. Did he think I was blind? That I was naïve to his advances on me?

Tsukishiro, Yue, Syaoran…they were all just…just…

I balled my fists and turned away. His hand reached for my shoulders again but I reacted quicker. I grabbed and twisted his hand in one easy motion. He winced in pain and in the unexpectedness of it.

I released him quickly and he rubbed his arm.

"Apologies Mr Tsukishiro. You startled me, it was just my instinct to react that way. It's probably best you don't touch me from now on." I said with a strained voice.

I wanted to bark at him, tell him never to attempt that again. Just because I didn't have Syaoran- or should I say, didn't need him anymore, did not give him, or anyone a right to advance on me. Because I was fed up, fed up with men in general.

But he was my superior. I had no choice but to respect him, or at least appear to respect him.

"I think it's best if I stay with Yue, seeing as that we'll be working together." I grabbed the keys from him and dashed for the door so fast he probably didn't realise it until I was gone.

X x x

In the darkness of the place I now called home, I tried to mentally block the laughing and tittering coming from Yue's room. I didn't protest because it would have made no difference. I wouldn't have slept at all anyway. My mind was too fixated on the massive change I have experienced.

I felt angry, furious and bitter. But in the midst of all that…I felt ashamed.

Ashamed that my first love, someone I loved more than my mother and at the time, I thought loved me back, was nothing but a heartless monster. How did I fall for him so easily? How did I let him do that to me?

My eyes brimmed with tears. Why am I still crying over him!? Why do I care? Why even though he's so far away from each other am I still hurting!? It shouldn't bother me so…

I never saw my life going in this direction. Never saw myself become an assassin and falling in love so quickly. Maybe I was not destined to love. Maybe….maybe I was just meant to be a good assassin. Maybe I was just meant to pursue this…

"Hey," Came a voice from behind me.

Yue stood in the doorframe leaning against the doorframe. His height was not short of hitting the top of the door frame. He was still shirtless. I didn't even notice the noises from his room had stopped.

His hair was more tamed then our first encounter and I could see his symmetrical face and the sharpness of his greyish eyes. He was looking at me peculiarly as if sussing me out.

I ignored him and continued to stare at my hands. I was in a cloak of self-pity.

"I didn't think you'd be back." He said with a light smile.

I didn't answer again but I did turn my head a fraction towards him.

"Let me guess," He said and sauntered in taking the seat opposite me. "My cousin freaked the fuck out of you." He crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side.

"How did you guess?" I whispered and drew small circles on the table.

"Because, he's a class A pervert." Yue leaned forward and looked into my eyes. "I was trying to warn you."

"Oh I'm sorry. I guess the flock of women in your room blurred this supposed message of yours." I snapped.

I didn't want his pity. I didn't need it.

He laughed shortly showing the small dimples in his cheeks and ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, I guess that was not the best way to be re-acquainted. That was a bad first impression."

"No, trying to kill me was a bad first impression." I said narrowing my eyes at him.

To my surprise he rolled his eyes and said. "Sweetheart for the last time, I wasn't trying to kill you, I was trying to help your sorry ass! And with regards to my cousin, he will try to get you into his bed and-" He broke off when he saw my eyes well up and my face turn red.

I was crying again. Not because of what he said, but because I just…I don't really know.

"Hey, hey," He said and expertly unfolded a clean napkin from his pocket.

I took it and wiped my eyes. I hated being so weak! So…vulnerable in front of him!

He said nothing as I wiped away my tears. I was happy he did that. I felt less embarrassed when he didn't try to make small talk of acted as if he didn't want to be in the presence of a crying girl.

"You should go back to your girlfriend, or girlfriends I should say." I said and half laughed.

He smiled and then fixed it into a crooked smirk and said. "Girlfriends? I think not. I won't see them after tomorrow. I should warn you, I'm no stranger to women in my bed on a regular basis." He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes in disgust which made him laugh.

"You know, you're welcome into my room anytime-"

"That will never happen." I snapped.

He laughed again not sensing or maybe just choose not to respond to my change of mood.

"Ok dollface, I'm going to return to my girlfriends, I guess I'll show you around tomorrow." I nodded and watched him leave me.

I looked down at the napkin in my hand. Maybe he wasn't trying to kill me, I was not completely convinced. Either way, the napkin was a nice gesture…

X x x


	26. Don't Leave

**Rae' POV: Present Day**

From the other room we heard nothing but muffled voices. Syaoran and Eriol were in there a long time. I wonder what happened to him. I can barely remember the last time I saw him. It was probably six months before I left aunt Tomoyo and even that visit was short. In fact I don't think I even saw him that time. I only saw him leave. That last visit was the first time in maybe three years.

All in know is that Aunt Tomoyo was crying afterwards, as usual.

Where did he disappear to? When was the last time Syaoran even seen him?

Wait! Maybe he knew where Tomoyo is! Maybe he's here to find her! Maybe he's already found her and she's safe. I felt a tinge of happiness inside me with the thought. Tomoyo was safe! She had to be! Eriol wouldn't let anything bad happen to her I know that!

Finally Syaoran emerged from the room with the weight of the world on his shoulders. All three of us looked at him expecting and answer but he remained silent.

"Is he ok?" Fanran asked.

"He'll be fine. He just needs to rest."

"How'd he end up back in this shithole? I thought Clow killed him off years ago?" Kayami chimed in with a less than sensitive tone.

Syaoran sighed and looked at her with a little annoyance. Did he dislike her too? I hoped so.

"It's a long story." He mumbled and Fanran nodded understandingly.

I hopped off the stool and walked over to him.

"Is Tomoyo alright?" I asked with my heart racing.

I wanted to see her as soon as possible. I needed to know she was safe.

Syaoran's eyes darkened to a worrying shade. The air shifted around us causing my heart to punch my chest fiercely. He wouldn't answer me, my stomach twisted. He turned towards Fanran, opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Fanran understood this secret message and took me by the elbow.

"Rae, why don't we go out for a bit and-"

"No!" I said shrugging her off." She's ok isn't she? Tomoyo's ok right?"

Syaoran was paralysed, unable to answer me. Why won't he just tell me? Why won't he just tell me she's ok and I'll see her soon? why?

I pushed past him and avoided him when he tried to stop me. I burst into the bedroom where Eriol was. He was sitting upright on the edge of the bed, his bare feet touching the floor and his head sunken so low his black hair covered his eyes.

"Where's Tomoyo?" I asked with my voice on the verge of breaking.

Slowly his head turned to me, his eyes raw with a devastating emotion I was afraid to recognize.

Syaoran came in behind me, took my arm and tried to steer me out of the room.

"It's ok Rae just wait a little-"

"What happened to her!?" I yelled getting hostile and unable to wait in this agonizing suspense.

Both Fanran and Syaoran were trying to pull me away but my hand clamped onto the doorframe.

"Rae please." Fanran soothed.

"I'll explain to you later." Syaoran said.

"She's dead!"

All three of us froze at Eriol's voice. He had his eyes wide open staring at the opposite wall in a disorientated daze. His hands gripped the sheets and he then threw his head into his hands.

"She's dead."

X x x

**Tomoyo's POV: The Day she departed From Rae**

When the train disappeared into the black tunnel it left the air cold.

My hands fluttered to my heart and my calm face I was holding crumbled as my lip quivered. My vision blurred as I tried to suppress a sob of emotion. All around me the busy people flocked past me but all I could see was Rae.

Rae, who was now gone. Rae whom I've taken care of for fourteen years, Rae who looked to me as a mother. Rhaya Ying-Fa Li…the closest thing to a daughter I ever had.

Now she's gone.

I didn't stop the tears as they rolled off my face unashamed. People momentarily walked by me stopping with confused faces before resuming their previous actions.

I slowly slumped onto a nearby bench.

I felt as if my heart had been ripped out leaving an irreplaceable hole. I knew this day would eventually come. I knew I could not hold onto her forever, I knew it since the day she was left in my care.

My fingers curled up under the bench. I can't believe how much it hurts to leave her. But it was the right thing to do. I couldn't protect her anymore. I can't even protect myself. Syaoran will know what to do. Syaoran can protect her. If he can't, nobody can.

But I felt an over-whelming wave of guilt crash over me. Was I being selfish? Was I only thinking of myself and my one-shot of happiness with Eriol?

I reached into my pocket and retrieved the note.

_**There coming,**_

_**Leave while you can,**_

_**Sk.**_

The note was attached to the rock that was thrown through the window. It was just another day. There was nothing different about today, but that one action has changed everything. I can hear the crash as it broke the surface of the window. Shards scattering everywhere. The note attached to the rock, Rae in all her innocence knowing nothing.

I understood perfectly. But I was not going to follow her orders exactly. If she knew what I did…she would hate me for it. But she's too consumed with anger to understand me…

I hope it works out. Please Rae…I pray that you're safe…we will see each other soon…we have to…

I waited on that bench for another six hours until the daylight had mellowed into a bitter night. I didn't know what to think. I was grieving, I felt like I had lost Rae forever. Yet….I was going to be with Eriol. This is where he told me to meet him. This is where it was finally happening. We were going to be together.

We were going to run away from this country. They won't find us. We'll survive…hopefully…

The mass of people had thinned out into just a few people until there was nobody but myself and a homeless man. He would be here soon. I only packed a few things to keep my going, where ever we ended up.

Then finally, I heard steps coming closer and closer, reaching me. My heart skipped a beat and I was nearly on the verge of tears. I shot up expecting Eriol to finally take me away but…

It was not Eriol who turned the corner to meet my eyes. I was not greeted by his sapphire eyes I longed for so long to see or his broad shoulders to embrace my…

It was something much worse and gut wrenching…

Takashi.

There was a stale and panic-like atmosphere between us. My heart began to thus extra hard. He was so different from the last time I seen him. His hair was sleeked back and stopped just below his ear. His face was skeletal and his eyes were so…wicked. The humble Takashi was certainly no more.

He had his arms crossed and leaned against the pillar beside him. He looked down on me with a sickening grin. I'm glad I can't read his thoughts. I kept my eyes forward and ignored my pounding heart.

Eriol….where are you?

"Waiting for someone?" He asked and bit his lower lip as he said so.

I gulped and shook my head politely without looking at him.

"No." I answered.

"Oh," He proceeded to slide onto the empty space next to me. I moved without thinking further from him to create space between us. It was just my instincts. I thought about running away but I didn't want to anger him. Besides, I knew he had a gun concealed.

He moved himself closer to me in one slick motion. "Well then, it's dangerous for a woman like you to be all alone in a train station. Something bad might happen." He flashed a smile that made my stomach churn.

My chest tightened. This was bad. This was extremely bad. And I was completely helpless.

"How did you know I was here?" I whispered.

"Oh Tomoyo," He said and latched his arm around me and pulled me in to him tightly. I gasped as I could feel his breath on my face. "I know everything. I'm not Meiling's pet anymore. I had to keep tabs on you though and I have to admit, you were very hard to track down. Don't underestimate me my dear." His voice was sinisterly chirpy in my ear.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I felt myself going pale.

"You know something," He said stroking my cheek with one of his fingers. "You're very pretty Tomoyo. In fact before I ever met Chiharu… I use to fanaticise about you."

My chest tightened, the room became smaller and suddenly I was scanning the place foe any sign of life only to see I was all alone…with him…

"Do you remember how you use to take care of me? All those nights I spent in your infirmary lying facing the ceiling when I was a rookie.. You Tomoyo, you were always the kindest to me. Out of everyone who treated me like dirt, there was always you."

His touch turned sour when his hands grabbed my face and pulled me so close to his face.

"I never understood why you were attracted to Eriol. I must admit I was a little jealous." He shrugged. "No matter. Compared to Chiharu, you were just his little whore. Nevertheless," He smiled, "She's gone now."

"What do you want Takashi?"

"That's a tough question." He laughed then he grabbed my hair harshly and yanked my head back so he could lean over me with venom in his eyes and say," I want every last one of you to burn."

"I had nothing to do with Chiharu's death Takashi. Nothing." I whispered with tears coming into my eyes.

I was not tough like Sakura or Eriol. I never was. I was nurse Daidouiji not a killer and not a fighter. Naturally I didn't know what to do I was so paralysed in fear.

"No Tomoyo, of course you didn't. You wouldn't harm a fly. I can't hate you Tomoyo but…"

I never seen the knife he had hidden swiftly move from his hand towards my gut. The knife shot through me in a wave of indescribable pain. I hunched over and clutched him.

"Ah…" I couldn't speak.

Looking down I saw my blue dress become consumed by a frightening red colour. It leaked onto my knee and rolled down my leg in a terrifying speed. I couldn't bare the pain as I hunched over him.

He crossed his legs and began to stroke the top of my head as if we were in a casual circumstance. Mouth agape, I looked up to him to ask why.

"I want them all to burn. I want them all to suffer. The only way to get to Eriol…is through you…" Then he smiled. "I'm saving you Tomoyo, from the war. Think of this as a favour." He twisted the knife in my gut causing my ripple of pain to slice through me.

"Agghh…."

Then, with a gentle push I slid off his knee and hit the cold hard ground.

He walked around me, kneeled down and pressed his thumb against my lip. "Tell Chi I said hello, and that I still love her." His hand lingered on my face and his showed no signs of remorse. In fact, his face showed relieve, peaceful….terrifyingly calm.

Footsteps echoed from a distance. Takashi sensed this and departed giving me a smirk before dusting himself off and leaving. The pain, it was numbing me…was that a bad sign? The white surface of the ground around me became covered with a thick carpet of blood.

Eriol…Eriol please come….let me see you one more time…

Breathing getting difficult….vision blurring… blood staining everything…

"Eriol…."

X x x

**Eriol's POV**

The train station was empty.

I glanced at my watch. I was two minutes late.

I scanned the area for her but she was nowhere in sight. Did something happen to her? Did she make the train station?

Then I saw it. A trickle of blood creep around the pillar like a red snake. My heart stopped. No…that can't be right. My feet unfroze themselves from the ground and staggered forward.

No, there was no way.

I broke into a sprint and skidded to a halt when a body came to view.

My hands trembled and my stomach churned in such an extreme motion I was certain I would be sick. I've seen blood before, but…

"Tomoyo." I roared and threw myself onto the floor.

I picked up her body which was submerged in her blood. I rolled her towards me, her head lolled backwards. My shaking hand brushed the sticky bloody hair from her face. It was a nightmare, my worst fear come to a terrifying reality. Her body was covered nearly every inch in blood. Her thick rich lavender hair was clumped into thick strands held together by drying blood.

"Tomoyo, Tomoyo! Wake up! Wake up Tomoyo!" I cried and softly shook her in my arms. "Tomoyo please, please you can't die please wake up!" I screamed like a mad man.

I could feel her going limper and limper into my arms. She wasn't dead, she couldn't be! She can't be!

Then, her eyes hazily lifted to show her clear violet eyes. They fell on me and her lips parted into a smile.

"Tomoyo, y-you're alive." I cried and tears flowed unashamed down my face.

"Eriol…"

"Tomoyo I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't here on time. I'm sorry." I stuttered and held her so close to me. My hand pressed against her wound and I kissed her forehead. "You're going to be ok do you hear me? I'll get an ambulance and you'll be fine and we'll leave and-"

"Eriol," She pressed her finger against my lips and hushed me soothingly. "Eriol, it's too late. I've lost too much blood."

"Don't say that Tomoyo don't say it! You can survive this, I will NOT let you die-" My voice broke off. No, she can't die, she can't leave me to this world by myself. I won't let that happen.

"I thought we'd never see each other again." She said with an angelic smile.

"Tomoyo how can you be so calm? Who did this to you?"

Her eyes darkened and her forehead creased. "Takashi…" She whispered.

My chest tightened, a mixture of anger and rage boiled inside me.

"He wants to hurt you through me. You can't let him Eriol…that's just what he wants…"

I shook my head. As much as I wanted to hunt down Takashi, Tomoyo was more important. "I'll call an ambulance. You'll be ok I promise Tomoyo I promise." I took out my phone and my fingers shook as they attempted to call the ambulance.

Her hand limply covered mine.

"No Eriol…" She shook her head. "I'm too far gone…they will find you and-"

"I don't care about that Tomoyo! I don't care what happens to me you can't die!"

Her hand stroked my face. Soft but bloody fingers wiping away my tears. Her face was so calm, so at peace. It was as if….

Then reality crashed down. She was letting herself die.

"Tomoyo please…" I sobbed and kissed her forehead and every inch of her face. "Please don't leave me…"

"I'm sorry Eriol." She said knitting her eyebrows together in worry. "I should have left all them years ago. If I did, neither of us would have to go through this."

"Don't you apologize!" I said and cupped her face with one hand. "I love you Tomoyo Daidouji and no matter what that will never change. Don't apologize for walking into my life because if you didn't my life would have no purpose."

My chest stung with unbearable pain and guilt. She had lost so much blood. It was everywhere, staining everything in its radius.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you Tomoyo. I'm so sorry Tomoyo…." I cried and buried my face into her hair. "I said I'd give you everything you'd ever wanted…I promised you a normal life. I promised you everything and I couldn't-" I choked.

How could I have let this happen? How did I fail?

"P-please don't leave my Tomoyo. What am I going to do without you? Please don't leave me here alone. Please don't go…"

A tear escaped her eye. I could feel her energy drain from her, her body getting limper. The colour in her cheeks draining into greyness. She was slipping from me. My Tomoyo, my everything was leaving me here.

I buried my head into her hair, smelling her sweet scent.

"I'm sorry Eriol, I don't want to leave you but…but it will be ok." She smiled weakly and touched my cheek. "I think we just weren't meant to be together in this time. But that's ok because… we had those years together. For a brief while Eriol, we were normal. And even when we weren't, I was never happier. You haven't failed me Eriol; you've made me happier than anyone else in the world. Without you there always would have been something missing. I love you Eriol you've made me so happy. I'm ready to leave this world. Now, I don't have to run anymore. I love you, and I'm going to leave this world loving you. That's all I want…that's all I want…"

That only made it worse. This pain, this deep rooted emotional grief was more extreme than anything I have ever experienced before. I can't do it…I can't live on without her. I can't go on. I can't go on knowing I will never see her face again, never kiss her lips, never know what it was like to grow old with her, to have our own children…

She would never return to me again.

My hand reached behind me for my gun. It felt so heavy in my hand. I knew I couldn't do it. Tomoyo was my reason for living, fighting, surviving. Without her, my life was pointless. Why should I live when I don't deserve to. I would follow her in death.

"No," She said weakly. "You're not ready to go yet Eriol…you know you're not…don't do it…please Eriol…you're not ready…" Her breathing was thinning, becoming uneven, I knew she was in pain, hurting herself to prevent me from following her into the afterlife.

"But I want to be with you…"

"And you will be. In time. We'll see each other again Eriol…I just know it…" Again her beautiful smile returned. She took the gun from my hand and placed it onto the floor. She then placed my hand on her cheek.

"Just…stay…with me…a little longer…hold me…"

I nodded. I couldn't speak, I couldn't protest against her last wishes. I bit my lip to prevent myself from grief. I wouldn't show anymore grief. I just kissed her and rocked her.

"I love you Tomoyo…I love you so much…" I said as I rocked her back and forth in my arms.

Looking down on her face her face was preserved in an angelic state like the first time I met. A serene goddess, bloodied. Her body got cold at a frightening pace. Her warmth left her. I felt it, I felt her last breath escape her and disappear into the cold, cold air.

"Tomoyo…" I whispered and looked down at her.

She was gone.

Her head lolled to the side. I screamed in utter emotion and grief. Crying into her hair and for the first time, praying for a miracle. Praying that she would revive, praying that I would wake up and this would all just be a nightmare.

We were supposed to get married, have kids, grow old, argue, make up, until eventually at an old age we would die together in each other's arms. Not like this.

She was my everything. Everything I did was for her, and yet I still couldn't save her…How can I go on with this grief? How can I survive knowing I couldn't protect her? I wanted to follow her, to end my pointless life now but…but she was right in a way.

But…I had business here still. I had a mission, one last mission.

Takashi, Meiling, Clow…It has to end. All of it has to end.

I looked down at her sweet face.

"Wait for me," I whispered.

I have to end this. For everyone. Not just personal revenge. For Syaoran, Sakura, Fanran, for Rhaya. I know how much she means to you Tomoyo…I will protect her. No one else will die because I couldn't act fast enough.

It will end soon Tomoyo.

It will end.

And when it does end Tomoyo, we will finally be together…forever…

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

I threw myself into the alley.

I can't breathe. I was consumed by this suffocating and nauseous feeling. The cold air slammed into my lungs. I slapped my hands against the grimy wall. My knees trembled and my mind refused point blank to accept what he said.

My stomach twisted and I vomited. Clutching my stomach I fell to my knees and wailed in grief stricken horror. I heard footsteps charging down stairs and Syaoran came through the door and found me.

I didn't want him here. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone.

His hand rested on my shoulder comforting me. My body shook as did my head.

"She-sh-she can't be dead." I said through my teeth.

He said nothing. I was sure he was not mentally accepting it either.

"Rae…" He said. "I'm sorry…"

I collapsed and he embraced me letting to emotionally break down.

Tomoyo, the first and only family I ever knew. Most of my memories from birth were of her. She was such a huge and influential part of my life and now she's gone…

I…I just can't….

"I never even g-got to say goodbye." I sobbed. "Or thank h-h-her. She put u-up with me and I wasn't even hers and-"

Syaoran held me tighter. I wouldn't never forgive myself for not looking for her.

I had lost a mother the day I left her. All these months of planning to see her again and she was already lying dead in the ground.

How could he have let that happen!? He loved her didn't he? If that was true then how could he have let her die? How could this have happened!

I clutched Syaoran's coat and gritted my teeth together. It was so cold out here.

"She knew Rae, Tomoyo knew you loved her." He said soothingly.

I shook my head. How could she have known? I never told her how much she meant to me. I never told her that no matter what she had played one of the biggest roles in my life and would always be utterly irreplaceable. I would forever go on with this hole in my heart regretting being so troublesome to her, regret all the worry I caused her over the years.

Why couldn't I have been normal? Why couldn't I have just been like all the other valley kids and not burden her with my questions of my parents?

It was too late now…

"There was so much…i-I wanted to say." I said in a raspy voice. "I'll never get to tell her…"

"She will know Rae, she wanted for you to be here. She knew she was in danger before she let you go. She wanted you safe. You have to survive this for her." He said in a determined way.

Was everyone dying for me? What about Syaoran? Would he be next? I already lost Tomoyo, I couldn't lose Syaoran either…that would kill me.

I sat with him in the alleyway crying until I was unable to anymore. It would not be the last time I cried for Tomoyo. No, there would be more to come in the future.

I looked up at the black window where I knew Eriol was sitting, hating himself for what happened. After so long of loving Tomoyo, losing her now, he must be dying inside…

X x x

**I hate character death! But not everyone can survive otherwise this story might be a little anti-climactic" Hope you enjoyed. Below is a extract I was going to not put up but I might as well just put in in!**

**Enjoy R&R!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The stars shone dully in the velvet sky, perhaps mourning the loss of Tomoyo also.

Through the balcony window he sat head down, hands clasped with a look of utter exhaustion on his face.

I felt nervous stepping out into the clear and harsh air. I felt the wind brush against my raw cheeks.

He said nothing beside me; I doubt he even noticed my presence.

Hesitantly I sat in the old chair beside him and leaned back not knowing what to say. It has been a while since I spoke to Eriol, my Aunt Tomoyo's lover. I was loss for words. I wanted at first to scream in him. Scream at roar at him for not protecting her, for not doing enough to save her.

But if anyone could have saved her, it would have been him wouldn't it? And anyway, I was certain he was killing himself with the thoughts of her being gone.

"What happened after?" I asked with my voice still horse from crying.

He slowly lifter his head. His eyes were raw, his black hair falling to the side and his blue eyes dark. It must have killed him to re-live that night.

"I buried her beside a lake I the country. The place she lived before coming to Tomoeda. She'll like it there." He spoke in a dead tone, dead to the world not realising where he was.

"Was she….happy, just before she died."

He didn't answer straight away. I could see it in his eyes he was trying to remember. "She went peacefully. She accepted it."

I nodded. That's all I wanted to know.

"Will you answer me something?" I whispered with my heart racing.

"If I can." He replied and sat up a little straighter but still staring out into the stars.

"If Tomoyo didn't have to take care of me…would she still be alive?" My voice broke at the end.

I knew the answer to that. Of course, this was my fault. She had to take care of a child that wasn't hers. A child like me. If she could have lived her own life, she would probably be with Eriol with her own children and far from danger but I…I brought the danger to her.

If she didn't have to be at the train station…she wouldn't have been…

"Rhaya." He said looking directly at me. "Don't say that. If she never had you, she would never have been happy. She lived for you and would have died a thousand times for you. None of this was your fault. I was the one who failed her. Don't ever think she died because of you."

I was about to protest. But Eriol was a man of so few words that…for him to say that…he must have thought it to be true. But I knew the truth; I knew I was the reason, the reason for her death. I can't forgive myself for that, and I never will.

But I bit back my tongue and just nodded. I was too weak to fight with him. I never knew Eriol that well, but I knew he loved Tomoyo. That was all that mattered.

"You made Aunt Tomoyo really happy Eriol…I'm sure she's missing us, like we're missing her." Eriol smiled for a split second and nodded more to himself than to me.

We sat in silence and stared out at the weak shining stars but one, one star in particular was shining as beautifully as it looked down on us…

X x x


	27. Mother's Intentions

******Hey!**

**Cannot believe I haven't updated in soooo long!**

**Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and a happy New Year! d^^b**

**Anyway apologies for my lack of posting so here's three looooong(ish) chapter for you to read :)****Hope you enjoy! ****x x x**

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

At first, the drilling in my head was immense to the point where I refused to open my eyes.

I groaned and I shifted onto my side and shaded the sun from my eyes with my hand. I heard shuffling around me with a few voices murmuring. Where was I anyway?

"Syaoran, wake up." Said a voice not in a soothing tone, but harsh and angry.

"Syaoran wake up!" She shouted again and kicked me.

I moaned as I opened my eyes and saw Fanran standing over me with anger blazing in her eyes. Her hair was pulled into a loose blonde bun and she was dressed in her usual black attire. I looked down and saw I was on her couch in her apartment with no recollection of how I got here or why.

"Drink." She said handing me a glass of water before plodding herself down beside me and crossed her arms over her chest.

The atmosphere around us was tense. This was one of those brother-sister moments where I'd have to take whatever abuse she was eventually going to throw at me. Her jaw was locked as if whatever she wanted to say about whatever I did was brewing in her head.

I sipped the water thankful for it. My throat felt like sandpaper with the taste of vodka. I opened my mouth to apologise thinking that it would be somewhat of a good start.

"I-"

"You're an idiot Syaoran! A fucking idiot! Seriously last night was just stupid! Did you even think at all, or are incapable of being sensible? Well? Huh? If Kayami didn't come across you you'd definitely be hospitalized! You may think you're a God Syaoran but taking on twelve guys at once? IDIOT!" She shouted and smacked me on the back of the head as if it would restore some of my memory.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"You can't start fights every night Syaoran! And this whole drinking thing is ridiculous I mean, when are you going to stop? What is Kayami didn't find you? What if-" She broke off and threw her face into her hands.

I felt a wave of guilt crash over me. Fanran was always the more sensitive one of us. I knew she was right. Since….since she left this is all I can do. I ….I need a distraction.

I threw my arm around Fanran and sighed while mumbling apologies to her until she calmed down.

"You have to stop worrying about me Fanran, I'm not a child anymore I'll be fine."

Fanran shook her head; my words didn't ease her pain in the slightest. It was natural for her to be worried over me but I…I was a lost cause. She wiped the corner of her eye and sniffled a little.

"You're not fine Syaoran; you have to get out of this denial. You don't need to lie to me; I know Sakura being gone is hurting you-"

"I don't care about that!" I growled and looked away.

Her hand placed itself on mine and when I looked at her, her eyes were so full of pity for me. Was I that bad? Could she see it so clearly?

"Syaoran, I know what you did for her was to protect her. She will forgive you for everything. She loves you Syaoran and she can deny it all she wants but you two were….just destined. I know it sounds crazy, but I have a good feeling about this." She sounded optimistic; I was being more of a realist.

I shook my head, there was simply no way Sakura in her right mind would forgive me, nor do I expect her to. I basically told her our love was not real. She would be crazy to believe that but….at the end of the day…I did kill her mother…

"You need to come back to work." Fanran said.

"For Meiling? I think you know that answer to that one." I spat and grimaced at the thoughts of crawling back to Meiling.

"She hasn't cut you off completely Syaoran. But she will and then what? You need to make money somehow. Just come with me on this mission next month. Meiling wants us to hijack an export to Clow." Fanran rolled her eyes hating the idea that Li has stooped so low to the point we had to steal from other organizations.

"Fine." I said just to make her happy.

She smiled and hugged me. It was so rare we had these moments. Things have been so crazy; I never appreciated the fact that I had a sister who would stand by me no matter what.

"You have to stop this Syaoran. If I lose you…I won't bare it. I know I'm not Nadeshiko but I want you to be safe and happy just as she wanted you to be." She kissed the top of my head and left.

Before reaching the door she turned and said, "Maybe you should write her a letter of something." She shrugged.

She can't bare it if I die? I almost laughed to myself. If I died…would it not be for the better? Nadeshiko would still be alive, Sakura' life would be normal and she'd be with someone else who could give her what she wanted. Someone who would love her and protect her properly.

I clenched my fists. The pure thought of her being with someone else…it made me see red.

In the midst of my deep thoughts I head a shuffle in the other room. I looked around. Naoko was not here…

Was someone else here?

Footsteps faintly echoed from the room behind me….from Sakura's room. For a second I forgot where I was as I darted there thinking that fate wasn't so cruel, that she came back maybe…?

I pushed the door back and in the dim light of the early morning sun I saw a woman.

Not Sakura.

Her hair was long and brown stopping at her elbows. Her slim tall frame was bent over some boxes but I recognised from the annoying humming she was doing the girl was Kayami.

She whirled around with a fright and her hand fluttered to her heart.

"Oh! It's you!" She said in an almost relieved happy voice.

Who was she expecting?

She smiled and stopped whatever she was doing.

"Good to see you up! You were quite a mess last night, I didn't think I'd get you home at all." She giggled annoyingly.

I rubbed my head oblivious to what she was saying. For a second there….did I actually think that Sakura….

I laughed, how stupid. To think she'd actually come back here…to me…

"Um…hello?" Kayami inched forward and placed her hand on my forehead.

I flinched back; I didn't like her touching me. Her face was a little shocked but she composed herself. She had an oval face with a small mouth and too much eyeliner on. You could say she was attractive.

"You…brought me back here…last night?" I said drowsily and frustrated I couldn't remember.

"Well I got us a taxi but it took a while to get you up the stairs." She laughed, flicked her hair over her shoulder and continued doing whatever she was doing.

Only then did I notice the room. Sakura's room, it was almost unrecognisable with the amount of boxes, clothes, shoes, bags, and hair products scattered across it. The room use to be so simple with little hints of Sakura. But now…

"What are you doing?" I barked which made her jump.

Her lip quivered as she tried to find the right words. "I-I I'm moving in but the last girl didn't take her crap with her so I'm doing it for her." She said pointing to the black trash bags beside her feet which were half full of pictures and little things that reminded me of her.

A sudden fury consumed me. It consumed me so and possessed me to grab Kayami by the arm and drag her out of the room screaming. She wailed like a banshee until I dropped her outside the room.

She looked up at me in horror and I glared down at her.

"If you touch anything in her room again I carve your face off with a rusty knife." I growled lowly.

Her eyes expanded and her mouth shut not daring to say a word as I slammed the door in her face.

I slumped onto her bed. Even her scent was nearly drowned out by Kayami. I'll kill her.

I began to think that the possibility of letting go of my…obsession for Sakura would never, ever disappear…

X x x

**Tomoyo's POV: 16 Years Ago**

Tap, tap, tap…

My fingers drummed on the counter with a frenzied and disjointed beat.

My heart is beating irregular. I am so tired yet so awake. So focused yet distracted…I can't think straight. I haven't been able to think straight for so long now.

Three months….it's been three months since he's been away…

I bit my fingernails and tapped my foot in a rapid pace.

He's never been gone this long without so much as a phone call. It's killing me! Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe he's safe, maybe I'm just on edge. Or maybe….he's in danger.

I glanced in the mirror. I look terrible. My eyes were tormented with purple circles hanging beneath them. I haven't slept right in days. My hair was pulled into a loose lavender bun and even my clothes were not my usual attire. For the first time in months I was wearing jeans.

Eriol…please just call me!

From the silence of the house the doorbell rang. I bolted from my seat to the door with my heart racing. That's him! I know he'd never keep me waiting that long. He was ok! He was ok!

I flung the door back without hesitance. But it was not Eriol at the door. No, it was my parents.

They stood awkwardly at the door frame. For a second I didn't even recognise them. It has probably been a year since I've last seen them.

"…Mother, father." I said formerly and quite bewildered that they were actually here.

They stared at me for a while with blank shocked faces as if I were the one who showed up unexpectedly to their house.

My mother was the first to speak.

"Tomoyo darling!" She said exaggerating a little and hugged me.

Her thick fur coat rubbed against my face and the smell of her perfume wafted into my nose.

My father didn't budge from the door as he eyes my up and down with a disapproving frown to show I was not presentable enough. I couldn't blame them; I was not a pleasant sight.

I didn't know what to think as they sat down around the kitchen table. I made them a coffee in silence. Why were they here? They never visit me! The only contact I have with them are brief phone calls and birthday presents.

They never approved of Eriol. The thoughts of their daughter with a deadly assassin shocked them into reclusing from me. I tried to get them to understand our love but they were dead set against it.

When they gave me the ultimatum of them or Eriol I of course sided with Eriol under the threat that my father would cut me off financially. He never did cut me off completely though. I didn't want his money anyway. I graduated young and top of my nursing course and made my own money, even though it was off the back of Meiling.

My house could be described as a parting present as my father didn't want to live with a child who went against his wishes.

I sat in front of them in the awkward atmosphere. Mother smiled as she sipped the hot coffee while father kept glancing at his watch every few minutes as if afraid his diamond encrusted Rolex watch would slip off his wrist and disappear between the tiny cracks in the floor.

They changed dramatically in the past year. Mother definitely had surgery done on her face and neck. Her hair was shortly cropped and she kept stroking it with her golden ringed fingers. Father had gained a lot of weight. His chin was now accompanied by another and his hairline had receded drastically.

"So….what brings you here?" I asked politely.

"Oh!" Mother clasped her hands. "We wanted to see you dear! You're our only child, we care about you-"

"Cut the crap Sonomi." Father interrupted in his usual booming voice.

Mother sank into her seat with her eyes on her hands. Something bad was going to happen. I was nervous. They wanted something from me. Father looked at me sternly as if daring me to interrupt what he was going to say.

"Where is the boy Tomoyo?" He asked pursing his lips and having a semi-glance around.

I gulped. He was talking about Eriol, something I didn't want to talk about. My palms became sweaty and I wiped them against my jeans as I rattled my brain for an answer that would satisfy.

Where are you Eriol!?

"He's on a mission. He should be back soon." I said keeping my voice even as possible.

My eyes began to burn; I wanted to cry so hard right now. I needed Eriol. I needed him now so much I thought I was going to be sick.

"He's been gone a while now so I hear Tomoyo." My father sighed.

I scratched the back of my head and broke off eye contact with him. I forgot how intimidating my father was.

"He's coming back it's only a matter of time-"

"Tomoyo." He interrupted harshly.

I snapped my mouth shut.

"For too long your mother and I have sat back while you and that boy live out this ridiculous fantasy life. The boy isn't coming back Tomoyo which means that you can finally so being so selfish and do something your family can be proud off!" He barked.

"Tomoyo." Mother placed her hand on mind and smiled. "You're our only child. When your father and I pass on we need to be safe in the knowledge that our business will be passed down. Honey….you can't be alone forever-"

Ding Dong

Mother suddenly clapped her hands giddily.

"That's him!" She screamed and leaned in to whisper. "Don't worry, mother has a good eye when it comes to men." She beamed a smile and me then reached over to tug my hair down and spread it across my shoulders like she was trying to make me presentable.

I knitted my eyebrows and pleaded at my father through my eyes to explain what was going on.

"Yes she's through here." I heard mother say to somebody in the hallway.

From the hallway emerged a man with short blonde hair well kept. He wore an elegant attire as if going to brunch with a high status club. He was not much taller than me with his slender body. His eyes were a dull grey and he looked very uncomfortable to be here. He kept looking down at his shoes.

"Tomoyo, you remember Hang Keiji don't you? You played together as kids." Mother looked at the bewildered expression on my face.

Hang Keiji made eye contact with me for the briefest moment before mumbling, "Pleased to see you Ms Daidouji you look as lovely as you always did."

He sounded miserable as if those words were scripted off.

"Hang is going to be inheriting his father's company in the next eight years Tomoyo, isn't that wonderful!? And he's very interested in our company too, he claims he can expand it too Europe!" Mother was so excited at this moment in time.

Then it clicked.

Horror struck my face. Did my parents…set me up for a husband?

I became furious. My hands slammed against the table which caused a harsh boom to echo. As soon as I did that I realised the inappropriateness how disrespectful it was to my parents.

I cleared my throat and spoke in the manner I was raised to speak in.

"Mr Hang, it was nice to meet you again. But I'm afraid there has been an awful mistake and the fault is mine for not informing my parents that I am already, and for a while now, have been engaged."

My mother and fathers jaw dropped so quickly I thought they would snap off as I turned my back to them and left. I couldn't believe I said that. I couldn't believe it! It wasn't a lie really, Eriol proposed to me a year ago. I don't wear the ring though; it just seemed like hassle until we moved out of Tomoeda and the violence. Too many questions would be raised that we didn't want to answer.

"Tomoyo Daidouji!" My father roared causing even the walls to shake. "You do not get a choice in this matter! Hang will be your husband and you shall carry on the Daidouji company name!"

I ran from them. I couldn't be in the same room as those people. I don't know what possessed me to grab my phone and call Meiling. My hand shook terribly as I clutched the phone and waited listening to the ringing….

"Mrs Daidouji, what do I owe this pleasure?" Meiling's voice was full of sarcasm. I guess she still hated me for knowing about Sakura and Syaoran's affair.

"Meiling, where is Eriol? I know you sent him on a mission, when is he coming back?" My voice broke.

"Coming back?" I heard a rattled laugh. "What makes you think he's coming back?"

"What? You sent him on a mission to Shanghai and-"

"A mission? O Tomoyo, you think I'm stupid? Why would I send him to Clow to negotiate? I want nothing to do with Clow."

"What!?" But-but-"

"You think I haven't figured out the whole, 'betraying me to Clow so you and him could have a happy ending? Oh no Tomoyo…I haven't sent him on a mission…I sold him."

"You…what?"

"Oh yes, just like Sakura, he belongs to Clow now. But unlike Sakura, he won't be working for Clow, he's their hostage now."

My heart stopped, I went pale. Hostage…they torture their hostages….

"Meiling, I'm begging you….please. Bring him back. Please. You can't do this I did nothing to you!"

"I'm afraid even if I wanted Eriol back…they'd never allow it unless I had the money. I'm not willing to pay." She laughed again.

"Meiling…." I begged. "I'm sorry about everything but…my parents, they want me to marry somebody else but unless Eriol comes back-"

"Comes back? Oh Tomoyo…if I know Clow his cronies would have killed Eriol already out of boredom. Sweetheart, Eriol is never coming back. Such a shame…"

"He…" My throat went dry. Heart numbing….colour from face…draining…

"Don't worry! You'll have Hang Keiji! Good luck with that one. He's a bit dry, a bit boring with no sense of humour. But he is a terrific golf player when he's not at his alcohol anonymous meetings."

"You…know about all of this?"

My heart was pounding. Can it be that….Meiling really is trying to get revenge even on me?

"Know about it? Oh Tomoyo sweetie…who do you think suggested him to your parents in the first place?"

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 15 Years and 10 months ago**

I followed Yue until we reached the end of the dark underground hallway.

He rolled his shoulders back and put out his cigarette on the cool wall before sighing and looking back at me with clear eyes.

"You might not like this," Then he shrugged. "But then again, you might."

He opened the latch of the heavy iron doors and with a grunt he pushed it back. The door squeaked harshly as its rusty hinges groaned. The dungeon was dark with a musky smell that made me twist my nose.

Yue walked inside and wafted dust particles out of his face.

"Come on." He said when he saw my look of hesitance.

I stepped in and felt its immediate coldness hit me. I shuddered, this room was eerie and made me shudder all over.

"Hey, wake up." Yue said.

He was not speaking to me, but to somebody cloaked in the bitter darkness.

I squinted until I could make out the shape of a man tied down onto a chair. The man grunted and rolled his face back.

Eriol.

He was so unrecognisable with his raw cuts bruises and gashes. I gasped at the sight of him. A shiver travelled up my spine, paralysing me and making me immobile.

"Eriol…."

"Yeah," Yue answered and tilted his head to the side. "We've been beating him for days but he won't tell us anything about Li. If he keeps this up he'll be dead soon."

I walked past Yue and leaned over to Eriol.

His blue eyes drowsily and with effort, met mine and squinted.

"Sakura," Then he laughed a little laugh. "You're still alive. Well done."

"Yeah," I said meekly and brushed a lock of black hair from his eyes. "You've gotten yourself into some trouble Eriol."

He snickered. "Any chance you can help me out?"

I looked back to Yue who was smoking another cigarette , expertly rolling it from one side of his mouth to the other.

"I would but-"

"But your alliance is now with Clow… I get it."

"Meiling sent you here, didn't she?" I asked knowing the answer.

"Yeah, I should have seen it coming." He lolled his head from one shoulder to another.

The rope was bound tightly around his wrists. He was so exhausted, hanging on by a thread. But I wasn't going to do anything about it.

"You could have told me what Syaoran did. You had the chance."

Eriol shrugged. "It wasn't my place to tell. I guess this is my punishment. Meiling will make u all suffer you know. We're not going to get away so easy."

I stood up and watched his eyes open and close.

"You want to see him, don't you?" Eriol asked with his face stern.

I tensed up. Yue's interest sparked as he tilted his head a fraction towards me.

"I have no intention of ever seeing Syaoran again. There's nothing between us now. That's in the past. We're over watch other."

"Sure, lie all you want. Syaoran is also in denial. But," He said looking at me now with a certain pity. "If you so should want to see him, Li is planning to hijack Clow's shipment outside Kawichi's Port. He'll be there."

Yue hoped off the window and his face broke into a smile as he dashed away to inform his boss of this new turn of events.

"Like I said," I said nervously, "I have no desire to see him again, ever."

As I walked away I shook all over. Did I want to see him again? Why was he telling me this? After all that's happened, Syaoran told me we were nothing. There was never any real love between us! But…I knew there was. I knew that once I loved him, and was betrayed. But now I was more clear headed, could I see him again and say all I wanted to say?

Or maybe, just maybe…I'd kill him.

X x x

Bang! Bang!

The bullets struck the target exactly as was aimed.

I was focused on other things though.

I could sense her behind me. Eyes wide peeking over the chipped barrel watching me. Her black hair flowing over her arms and her fingers gripping the wood.

"Why are you watching me?" I said sharply not taking my eyes off what I was doing.

Her head shot back out of view startled that I knew she was there all along. She tried to keep silent but her heavy breathing betrayed her. She would never be a good assassin. Finally she crept around keeping her head down so all could see was her black scalp. She was dressed in ill-fitting black clothes and was unsuited to the assassins attire.

"Well?"

She flinched at my cold tone and bit her lip.

"I didn't mean to spy but," She mumbled. "You're so good at doing that!" She said pointing at the target which had a hole through its centre.

"The only other person who can do that is Yue! He's so good! He must be jealous!" She beamed a warm smile at me."

Fuutie.

Syaoran's long lost sister. What a strange turn of events. Knowing who she was didn't take a lot of thinking. Yue told me she was sold here by Li. With her striking resemblance to Fanran, how could I not guess?

I couldn't be near her. Already I was holding an aura of anger around her. She induced it in me. I didn't like her. She was Syaoran's sister. Everything about her, even her exceptional innocence made me think of him. She was everywhere! Following me like a lost puppy. I warned her to leave me alone but…she won't.

"Get lost." I spat and fired several times at the target.

When I stopped she was still there with that irritating smile. God I hated how she was happy. She doesn't even know about the awful fate she will endure when she becomes an assassin.

"Will you show me how to do that?" She asked almost excited.

"No, now fuck off!" I stormed away.

I heard footsteps behind my on the concrete.

"Wait! You forgot this!" She called after me.

She held up my knife to me in her tiny hands with a proud smile. I snatched it from her but she took no offence to it.

"Stop doing stuff like this you're not my lapdog!" I said through gritted teeth.

She shrugged and continued to smile at me. That smile…she didn't really resemble Syaoran but…now I know who she is I….I hate that smile. Is he smiling? Has he moved on? Is he even thinking about me?

Fuutie screamed as I grabbed her vest and pulled her into me roughly. Her small hands wrapped around my clenched fist with a petrified look in her eye.

"Stay away from me. I don't want anything to do with you. You are DEAD to me! I never want to see your face again!"

"Sakura!"

I whirled around and saw Yue standing at the door looking at us. Fuutie was trembling in my hands and her skin had paled even more.

"Put her down." He said clenching his fists trying to cool his anger.

I let her go and she stumbled backwards with a look of confusion in her eyes.

Yue walked beside her and placed his hand on her head like someone would address the child that she was. He smiled down at her.

"Futtie, Kero's waiting for you. Go on." He said smiling.

It was a genuine smile. From the very short time I have been living with Yue I couldn't take anything he did was genuine or sincere. When I say lived with him, I meant him and his many women he takes home. Its two different women almost every night. Only one on a bad night.

He was an infamous womanizer and flirt. He took an oath that I would eventually succumb to his bed.

I took an oath against it.

"Ok!" She said and then turned to me. "Thank you Kinomoto-sama." She said and bowed before leaving.

What was she thanking me for?

Yue's smile vanished and was replaced with a sour look.

"She's just a kid, leave her alone! Don't take your frustration of your ex-boyfriend on her!" He said slanting his eyes.

"It has nothing to do with him!"

"Oh really? So that whole, 'you're dead to me' and 'I don't want anything to do with you' has nothing to do with him."

"Bite me Yue!"

"Just be nice to the kid she's innocent. All she has is me and Kero did you ever think maybe she looks up to you?"

I said nothing and walked away.

"Hey," He said grabbing my arm. "I came down here to tell you….Clow is ready to meet you."

X x x

From the moment I stepped into Clow's office I knew, there was a powerful aura around here. His room was dark but there was a strange absence of decorative furniture. Just a desk, a few shelves of encyclopaedia's, his desk, and himself.

Yue stood behind me seemingly bored and use to the darkness here. The large window behind him glowed with Shanghai lights that illuminated the room.

The infamous Clow Reed sat behind his desk. He was writing…writing…

All I could see was the top of his head bowed down over the table. His hair was long and wavy reaching to his elbows, and silver like moonlight. He kept writing, no indication or acknowledgment that he knew I was there. I had a flashback, it was like the first time I stood in Meiling's office. How Meiling was ignorant of me. Would this time be the same? Clow Reed was a cruel man so I have heard. Was this another version of what I had to go through with Meiling?

I bit my lip. No, I won't let history repeat itself.

Finally his head rose up and behind his circular glasses, his deep brown eyes met mine.

I gasped, he was smiling and his face was so…kind. Not the face I pictured in my head. This man had a calming atmosphere about him. Maybe I was wrong?

"Kinomoto-san, welcome. If you have any problems, Mr Tsukishiro will take care of you." He smiled.

His voice was so kind and soft like velvet.

Just as quickly as he acknowledged me, he re-directed his attention back to his work as if I never entered. Yue gave me a rough shove to signal that was it.

That was it? This man bought me, dragged me out of Japan for that flimsy remark?! I don't think so.

"Is that it?" I said clenching my fists.

I was at a point of pure exhaustion, confusion and utmost anger that he-he just acts as if I meant nothing!?

"That's all you have to say to me? Honestly? How can you just sit there when you know that my mother died trying to cross over to your side and you did nothing! And now you think I'm going to risk every day of my life for you really? Fuck you!" I spat. "Fuck you if you think you can treat me like shit the way Meiling did!"

My heart was racing; I couldn't believe I was speaking to him like that. He was the most dangerous man in China at the moment.

I was a dead woman.

Clow blink twice and plucked his glasses from his face never taking his eyes off me. I stood my ground despite my pulse rate which was rapidly pumping. Other than that, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. I was so angry. So mad I just wanted to do something, just do something because I wanted to. Why should I work for him? My mother practically died because of him.

"My dear-" He began.

"No fuck you!" I screamed and I swiped my gun and aimed it at him so quick my body couldn't even register what a bad move it was.

No more than a second later I felt another gun on the back of my head.

"Bad move, sweetheart." Yue said stiffly and cocked the gun.

"Hold on." Clow intervened and held his hand up to Yue.

I was surprised to see Clow chuckle slightly and smile at me. What was his game anyway?

"You're right, how rude of me Kinomoto-sama." He said and clicked his pen before laying it at a right angle to the page in front of him. "You seem to have a pre-conception of myself and my organization. Your mother's death was unfortunate, but we did the best to complete her wishes."

"…What? She's dead! You did nothing! You weren't even there!"

"Oh, but we were." Clow said softly and nodded towards Yue." Would you like to explain to her or will I?"

Yue shrugged and bit down on the unlit cigarette he seemed to pull from nowhere.

Clow clasped his hands and grinned as he stood up. He walked over to where the tall plant in the corner stood. From behind the thick curtain he produced a watering can and began to pour it over the plant. He was certainly a strange person.

"You see Kinomoto, when your mother reached out to me about how Meiling's organisation was spiralling out of control; I offered my assistance on the basis that she worked for me until the Li downfall. Her ultimate wish was for her children to have happy and normal lives and protection, something I could have provided. Unfortunately her plans went awry. Her death was truly tragic especially in the way it happened."

I felt my chest tighten when he said that. Syaoran…Even Clow knew what you did before I did.

"Her last words to me were, 'if something were to happen to me, please make sure my children are safe." And though it took some time, it finally happened." Clow smirked as he continued to water. "You were hard to reach though. Always changing routes, places. Poor Yue, he never could seem to get you alone to tell you that you had a place in Shanghai. He could only make sure you were ok from afar like that time you were doing your- what do they call them? Oh yes, your test thing."

I dropped my jaw and slowly turned around to face Yue. He shrugged and rolled the cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other as if his focus was more on lighting it than staying here listening to Clow.

"You weren't trying to kill me? You were trying to save me?" I was so gobsmacked.

Yue shrugged. "You thought you killed him the first time. He moved a little so I save your ass." He winked at me.

I was so mind-blown that I didn't even notice Yue signal to Yue to leave the room.

Clow Reed, all this time…he was trying to get me away from Meiling, from Li, just like mothers intentions. That what Yue meant all those times we met when I was at Li. He was trying to hint at me that I never belonged there. But I couldn't see the signs because I-…I….I was too blinded my love at the time.

Again, Syaoran has a role in this.

"But…so now I'm here, you got me away from Li, only to use me as an assassin against Li? How is that playing by what my mother wanted?"

"Assassin? No my dear, why would you think that?" Clow blinked twice and knitted his eyebrows together in confusion.

"What? So…you don't want me to work for you?"

"It was never my intention. You were to just stay here until we found a new identity and location for you and Toya."

"What….? Wait! Me and To-"

The door clicked behind me. Yue emerged in and following him was…

I dropped the gun out of my hand and brought my mouth to stop me from gasping. My heart swelled and my hands began to shake not believing what was in front of me.

Tall, skinny frame, thick brown hair that tipped the bridge of his nose. Hazel eyes and tanned face I have not seen in such a long time…

"Toya…" I whispered never thinking that I would have said his name aloud nonetheless see his face again.

He smiled the awkward smile he always had and shuffled on the spot slightly the way he always did when he didn't know how to react.

I lunged into him, wrapping my arms around his small waist. My eyes overflowed with hot tears that came from nowhere. His smell was the same, breathing hadn't changed. It was Toya, it was actually him! My brother I assumed dead was here in my arms.

I looked into his eyes and stuttered, "H-h-how d-did you?"

"Shhhh…." He soothed and patted my head down like he use to when I was upset.

His arms wrapped around me and for once in a long time I cried in someone's arms.

"You're alive."

He nodded and smiled while still patting my head as if I was still the ten year old girl I was when we lived with mom and Fujitaka.

"But how?"

"Clow came for me, just like they promised mom. They tried to find you but-" He broke off.

I nodded understanding. I just couldn't believe that he was here. No longer could I consider myself an orphan.

"They're going to give us normal lives Sakura. You don't have to kill anymore, no more fighting. We can be normal."

When he said that I cried heavily. It seemed too good to be true. I no longer had to be an assassin. No longer have blood on my hands, no longer would I live in this cycle of fear that I will die at any moment.

I was going to be normal thanks to Clow…how could he possibly be a bad guy?

X x x


	28. The Chaos Descends

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

"So what happened to you? Have you been waiting for me all this time?"

Toya laughed and pulled me in for another hug as we walked alone down the hallway.

"You ask too many questions do you know that?" He said.

This was so surreal. Meiling was a liar. She had Clow all wrong. How could Clow, the man who reunited me with my brother and giving me a new life, possibly be the bad guy. If anything he was good. I don't have to kill anymore. I was nobodies pawn to use. My mother would be so happy right now.

But…Why wasn't I?

I should be so happy to leave this place and never return to here of Tomoeda. But instead, I felt nervous, uneasy. I knew why.

Syaoran…I'd never see him again. Departing from my life means I must depart from him. Depart from my memories of the man I loved. Why was this so hard?

There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I would never be able to phrase them right though…

"Hey, what's wrong?" Toya asked after I became drastically quiet.

"N-nothing. I just can't believe we're leaving. It hasn't hit me yet." He smiled and nodded.

It must be such a relief for him too. He placed tea and my favourite type of cupcake in front of my. It was baby pink and laced with icing. He hasn't forgotten what I craved for. But I wasn't hungry. There was a question I was aching to ask him since we left Clow's office. But I simply couldn't bring myself to ask it.

I gulped and looked at him sternly.

"Toya…have you seen….have you seen Fujitaka since that night?"

Toya's hands froze just before he was about to put sugar in my tea. His jaw locked and I saw his shoulders stiffen. I held my breath, I was terrified of his answer.

Then suddenly his face broke out into a grin as he shook his head.

"Nope, haven't seen him at all. Do you want a rice cake?"

"Um…no." I said taken aback by his reaction.

Something was funny but…why would he lie about that? From my memories I remember by father having more patience with Toya over me. He'd take Toya on business trips from a young age. Ask him to run errands and semi-acknowledge some of the things Toya did. But still, the attention he gave Toya was pathetic.

Toya in a weird way, defended Fujitaka when I spoke bad of him. Maybe he was afraid at the time, afraid that Fujitaka would turn on him and withdraw the minimal attention he gave him.

"Doesn't it bother you though?" I asked. "Leaving the country without knowing where he is? What he's doing-"

"Nope doesn't bother me at all are you sure you don't need anything?" He rambled getting agitated.

I reached over and took one of his hands.

"Toya, don't tell me you haven't thought about where he is, he was responsible for mom's death-"

"No he wasn't!" Toya snapped. "He may have done nothing to stop it but, but he-he didn't kill her. We both know who did that!" He glared at me.

I recoiled back as if he burned me. So he did know. He knew about my shameful past with Syaoran. By the tone he was taking with me, he knew my relationship with him too. I looked away in shame and guilt.

"You're story is quite popular here Sakura." Toya said quietly. "Two lovers who couldn't be together due to the jealousy of another, in the end, she turns out to be in love her mother's killer."

"Stop it." I whispered.

It was disgusting to hear back. Toya knew what I did.

"I didn't know. I didn't know back then…" I felt my chest tighten.

I was ashamed to be here. Toya was still tense. I wondered if he still carried resentment for Syaoran for the love my mother gave him. My mother treated Syaoran like a son, therefore almost placing him and Syaoran on the same level.

Toya cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly. "I don't know where Fujitaka is Sakura, it's best not to upset yourself thinking about it. Wherever he is, it doesn't matter. You and I are going to start a new life. Forget about Fujitaka, and forget about him." He said with a hint of bitterness.

How could Toya even look at me knowing my past relationship with Syaoran?

I came to the conclusion that he was right. Forget everything that has happened. Let's just pretend it was one big nightmare, and Clow was taking us out of it…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

"So, what happened to you?" I asked him.

Eriol ran a hand through his black hair and sighed revealing his bruises and scars across his face. He winced when his fingers gazed his raw cuts.

"I'm a wanted man here in Tomoeda. I was recognized by smaller less important gangs. I hadn't a gun. I just about got out of there. Meiling's cronies are still out there. They must have still recognised me."

I nodded and looked over the balcony.

"So what were you doing all this time? All those years?"

A small smile formed on his split lips. "For a few years I lived with Tomoyo, raising Rhaya. She was so young she wouldn't remember that. Then I heard of this 'war' that was pending over Tomoeda. I couldn't just stay there knowing all of you would be fighting. But I was never going back to work for Meiling. Never. After she sold me to Clow to be tortured I swore I'd kill her eventually, and Takashi."

"So what did you do then?"

Eriol's forehead creased. He breathed deeply, he had been through so much in the past fourteen years.

"I've built up and army, so to say. Those who were past Li assassins who fled. Small Tomoeda organizations and gangs have combined with the common goal of abolishing Clow. They rather die than see their city become taken over by a foreign organization. You know what will happen if Clow takes over here Syaoran."

I nodded. Of course I knew. It would be disastrous. First the city of Tomoeda would be under Clows reign. Violence and terror would spread through the city. It wouldn't stop there. All of us would be hunted down to stop any chance of a rebellion. Eriol, Fanran…even Rhaya. What about Sakura? She was an ex member, she would also be targeted after her use in the war was over.

No, Clow simply could not win. Not at the disastrous cost it would have.

"Then what?"

Eriol sighed and looked into his hands. "Now, we just wait for the attack. I don't know when it is. But Meiling is no use to us now. She doesn't even know herself from what I hear. She cannot lead."

"Then we must fight ourselves." Syaoran said coming to the conclusion.

"Syaoran," He said in a commanding way. "I have nothing left to live for except to revenge Tomoyo's death. After the war, I will have nothing left, but you," He looked into the sitting room where Fanran had slipped into dreamland and Rae's eyes were drooping, threatening to follow Fanran into unconsciousness. "Syaoran, if you die, what will Rhaya have? She needs you. You are all she has. I can risk it, you cannot. You have to leave and protect her."

"And watch you all die?" I said clenching my fists.

How could he suggest that I abandon my friends in times of war? How could I live with myself? Yet…could I abandon Rae?

"Syaoran…"

Eriol and I whirled our heads towards Rae who suddenly appeared at the door rubbing her tired eyes. Her face was raw and so tired. She hasn't been sleeping well since she heard about Tomoyo. Could I blame her?

"What's wrong Rae?" I asked looking up at her.

This kid had me restless with worry every second of every day. I wish I could do something to take all this pain away from her. But I proved myself useless.

Her face was full of confusion as she spoke.

"Is Clow Reed a bad guy?"

Eriol and I expanded our eyes. How could she possibly know who he was? I never told her about Clow Reed. I only ever mentioned Sakura was sold off to Shanghai.

"Why? What did you hear that name? Was Fanran talking to you?"

"No, it's just, well, he's on the t.v. now. He's causing a stir. It doesn't look good."

Eriol and I dashed into the living room with a panic seeping through our bodies.

There he was, captured in the small screen of the t.v, his long white hair parted in the middle, those deceivingly kind eyes staring. Clow Reed had aged. He said absolutely nothing for a moment, like he was watching me, watching Eriol and all the other's in this city who should be afraid and warning them, something sinister was about to happen.

"Citizens of Tomoeda, for too long your city and its notorious fame have caused controversy across Asia. For too long your city has been terrorized by gangland crime, war, underground black market and criminal organizations. Of course, it all pales in comparison to the Li Organization which, for years has been the centre of criminal activity. They terrorize your children, your families. Your police are corrupt and those who are not, are too much in fear to act on your behalf. Well, I plan to stop this by force."

Clow paused and looked deep into the camera, like he was looking directly at me, warning me.

"Members of the Clow Organization have over the course of the past two years, been scattered around your city. From there, we have taken hold of your cities key points. In five days, we will launch the attack on your city. However, should there be any outside interference, we will launch the attack immediately, nobody will be saved. The entrance to the city, the train line, that airports, they are all in control by my men."

Fanran gasped behind me. Rhaya, who would know nothing of the cruelness of Clow, retreated behind me as if he was in the very room. Eriol stayed silent, listening intently. Half the screen flicked to a shot of a poster. Not just any poster, a wanted poster.

"What you see here is you're most notorious and brutal criminals. They have no morals. They have killed countless people. They are your demons Tomoeda. If you know the whereabouts of these criminals, then bring them forth."

Fanran slapped a hand over her mouth. She was on the poster, as was I, as was Eriol, Meiling, Takashi, Kayami, Naoko, Tomoyo, Tomoyo's parents, even the long deceased Rika. The pictures were old, faded. I was only a boy of twelve in the picture, and Fanran of about fifteen. The only one absent from the list…was Sakura.

"That means, Tomoeda, you have five days to evacuate your city and clear yourself from the war. There will be bloodshed. Those who resist us will be shot down. If you are innocent, I cannot guarantee your safety. This is not a war on your city, but a cleansing of those within it who are corrupt. I am saving you, Tomoeda. We are your saviour Tomoeda. The disgusting criminals who violate your city shall be wiped clean of your streets. When we are done, your city will be under our non-corrupt rule and every member of the Li organization will be abolished, no matter how far they run. "

Clow smiled.

"Goodnight Tomoeda. Be safe."

The channel flicked back to the news anchor who looked flustered over the announcement. She sat gawking until she ruffled her sheets together, hands slightly shaking as she struggled to compose herself.

"Well Tomoeda that was the supposedly head of the infamous Clow organization who plan on…." Her lips pressed into a firm line. "Invading us."

The four of us didn't move until Rae, in all her confusion tugged on my hand.

"Are we in trouble?" She asked with confusion as she bit her lip.

"We're all in trouble." Eriol answered staring blankly at the wall. Fanran gripped her hair not knowing where to look.

We all knew, we all knew how terrible this was. We knew Clow would eventually come to Japan to take over Li when it was weak. But to do it so publically? None of us ever saw that coming.

"He actually made us out to be the bad guys!" Fanran exclaimed still in shock. "He's turning Tomoeda against us. You know what this means! There will be chaos! People are going to be looking for us!"

"Tomoeda was always against us." Eriol said. "But now we'll be hunted. Police will try to get to us if it means stopping Clow. This is it. One week. One week. One week until the final showdown."

It may have been my imagination, but it seemed Eriol was…relieved? I wasn't surprised. Killing Takashi and stopping Clow was his final goal, and it was closing in.

"Can they do that? Won't someone stop them?" Rae asked tugging my shirt. "Won' the police, army stop them?"

"They police are corrupt like he said honey." Fanran said breaking it to her as gently as possible. "They won't do a thing. The government won't risk it. For all we know, They could want this. Clow made it sound as if he truly wanted to save Tomoeda. When all he really wants is a takeover to establish his power of dominance in Japan."

"Rae, go pack your things." I said staring blankly at the t.v.

"But, why where are we-"

"Just do it." I said trying to keep calm. I didn't want to frighten her, to let her know that we were all in serious danger, that even Rae could be a target, that just when she found me, she might lose me again.

"Syaoran," Eriol placed his hand on my shoulder. A mutual understanding. "Remember what I said, this isn't a war you have to fight in. Rae needs you to survive this. She needs you."

"He's right." Fanran said stepping in. "You've been out of Li for so long now, this has nothing to do with you."

How could they say that? It has everything to do with me. It was my father's organization. I…I was in technical terms, their leader. Eriol, Fanran…they were my friends. I couldn't abandon them and everyone else I've worked with. Was that not cowardly? But I have a duty as a father too…

And what about Sakura? Don't I have a duty to protect her? As penance for all I've done to her?

I couldn't give them an answer. At the end of the day though, I had to protect Rae.

"We're going somewhere safe. I'll let you know what my next move will be. Until then, keep in contact."

"Where will you go?" Fanran asked. Her eyes wide with worry.

I shrugged, where were we going? I never knew anywhere outside Tomoeda except Dayaki. No, Dayaki was too close, we had to go further.

"There's a valley." Eriol said looking nostalgically out the balcony. "It was always a safe place for Tomoyo and Rhaya. Take them there. It's far and secluded enough, nobody will look for you there. Rhaya knows the way."

I nodded. Anywhere that she will be safe. Eriol walked over to the counter top, opened a suitcase that he carried with him since he came here. He unlatched the heavy case and revealed several guns and a rifle gun.

"Aren't you going to hide?" I asked him. "Find somewhere safer?"

"Nope. I'm going to wait right here for them."

Sometimes, Eriol's bravery amazed me.

"Ready," Rae said meekly standing by the kitchen door. She was swamped in her long thick green coat she wore the very first day I brought her here.

Her eyes were in despair. She had no idea what was going on, what I was bringing her into.

"Will I see you again?" She turned to Fanran and Fanran couldn't hold in her emotion. Tears streamed down Fanran's face as she hugged Rae tightly. Her shoulders shook as she held Rae.

Fanran cared so much for her, yet she knew, she might not see Rae again, depending on how events panned out in the future.

"Of course you will sweetie. Me and you're aunt Fuutie and-and…" She couldn't finish, she was choking on her own tears.

I could tell Rae was holding it in. But I knew it was killing her to be taken away from family. It was all too sudden for her to process.

"Come on," I said tapping her shoulder and she leaned away from Fanran with a pale face.

"Before you go Syaoran," Eriol said with a glass of scotch already poured out for himself. "I need you to make a little stop by Meiling's office."

X x x

**Rae's POV: The Same Night**

"I can't believe we're doing this." Fanran muttered as she pulled into an abandoned warehouse.

I sat in the back petrified with silence. I dared not ask why we were here. I wanted answers and they were giving me nothing!

Within five minutes of Clow Reeds outrageous announcement, the city of Tomoeda was in compete chaos. The streets were packed with protesters and rioters. The police's attempts were futile against the rage the citizens were feeling. There was already looting and beatings happening.

I've never seen such violence erupt in one city. I admit, I was absolutely terrified. People fled to the border of Tomoeda. The train station was claustrophobic looking from the outside.

People held signs saying, 'Down with Li! Down with the scum!", others saying, "Save us Clow! Reed for the Revolution!"

I trembled.

It was like everyone had lost it. And this was only day one.

"It has to be done." Eriol said looking out the window with depression as the city destroyed itself. "Meiling might have an army ready to rebel, we need them on our side. They won't follow unless she commands them to. Only you can convince her Syaoran."

"How do you even know that Eriol?" Fanran interrupted. "You've been back in Tomoeda five minutes! You don't know what's happened here. Meiling, she's completely psycho now. She's insane! All she does is hand out the checks and they all just bounce back anyway. I don't even work for her anymore!"

"It's worth a shot." Syaoran said lowly.

I could feel it since we got into the car that Syaoran was uneasy. He didn't want to do this. Meiling from what I know was a main factor in the separation on my mother and him. He was nervous. I saw Fanran place a hand over his reassuringly.

Fanran killed the engine and the four of us said nothing. It was quiet here. The rioting was just a distant sound from here. This part of Tomoeda was completely abandoned and appears to have been so for a long time now.

"Let's get this over with." Fanran said and stepped out of the car.

Syaoran and Eriol followed.

"Stay in the car Rae." Syaoran said.

"No, take her too." Eriol suddenly said coolly.

Fanran and Syaoran looked at him incredulously.

"Are you crazy? I'm not taking her to see Meiling!" Syaoran sounded outraged.

"I have a feeling it would work in our favour."

"She's not a weapon Eriol. I'm not going to use her to get what I want from Meiling!"

"You can't just leave her in the car Syaoran. What is something happened? You wouldn't hear. I have to go in to make sure she doesn't kill you, Eriol will be there for talking and you, well we need you in there too." Fanran said.

Syaoran looked at me with frustration on what to do. I walked over and tugged reassuringly on his leather sleeve.

"It's ok, I don't mind." I said.

He sighed and looked away for a second before giving in. "Fine, but if anything happens, you have to run ok?" He said and walked on.

I was nervous as we entered the dark, eerie building. I shuddered but Syaoran and Eriol walked on.

We emerged into a room that was dimly lit. Fanran sighed heavily and pushed the door back to reveal a scarcely decorated room. In fact, it was completely desolate. Furniture was toppled over; sheets and sheets of paper scattered everywhere and blackened with footprints. It smelled old. The only stable thing about the room was the massive desk placed as the centre piece.

Placed behind this desk, a woman sat.

I wouldn't have noticed her had she not been mumbling something in coherent and indecipherable.

Eriol stepped forward and stood in front of her until she stopped scribbling on the sheet and her mumbling dwindled into mere syllables.

She looked up. I gasped and retreated back a step. Her face…

Her face was so skeletal like, her hair was a loose black curtain with frizz fraying the ends. Her eyes were so sunken into her face that it seemed like a struggle for her to even look up. Her face was as pale as the broken cup that sat next to her fidgety hands.

"Oh…Eriol." She said with her voice high pitched.

Eriol smiled almost in an evil way as he took the seat next to him.

"I take it that negotiation I sent you on took a while." She said then combusted into a broken laughter that sent a chill down my spine.

Eriol's face hardened.

This woman, she was like a child, disturbingly childish but an evil slant in her eyes. I watched Fanran who sighed and looked away like she was use to this behaviour.

"Meiling." Eriol said leaning in. "You know Clow is coming, don't you?"

Meiling twitched and locked her jaw. Her hands played with the pen as a nervousness consumed her.

"No he's not. He's not. Syaoran said it will be years before that happened. Years…" She mumbled and made eye contact with Syaoran.

Syaoran looked up with surprise. I didn't even know she noticed him.

I looked up at Fanran who leaned over and whispered. "Meiling 's mind isn't right. She doesn't know what time she's in. She bounces from one time era to another. Hence why she thinks Syaoran still works for her. It's best to go with it."

I nodded but it didn't help my uneasiness.

This whole situation disturbed me.

Eriol glanced back at Syaoran who walked forward.

"Meiling, tell us where the others are. You need to tell them to fight. Clow is coming, you will be his first target. Unless you want Li to be completely wiped out, tell us where they are."

Meiling's eye twitched again. I bit down on my lip, nervous for Syaoran. Meiling's face wrinkled with fear.

"He's not coming. He wouldn't. I paid him his loan."

"He doesn't care Meiling. It doesn't matter how much you pay him now. He wants a takeover no matter what."

Meiling's hands frenzied to her hair and her fingers lost themselves in there. Her mumbling continued but at a faster pace and her lips quivered.

"I know what this is about." She said with her voice shaking followed by another high pitched laugher. "It's about Sakura isn't it?" She grinned and hid her face under her hair, muffling her frenzied laughter.

"You still hate me Syao don't you? You're still mad at me?" She pouted almost mocking her. "I warned you before but you two didn't listen to me did you?" She snickered.

Syaoran was done with words and his hand went to clutch the gun in his belt before Fanran's hand clamped on his and stopped his.

"Leave her Syaoran. There is no one left. Everyone has left her. Look at her, she's all alone." Fanran's voice was so tired, so done with serving Meiling.

There was a heavy weight around the room, it was claustrophobic. It was crazy to think Meiling was once a 'great leader' whom my father worked for and for a short time, my mother.

Eriol sighed and walked away from Meiling's hysterics. She was so mentally ill, so lost in time that she could not comprehend the present. How she lasted this long I will not know.

"Yes you all just hate me don't you!? I'm just the bad guy aren't I? Well even if you kill me, Clow will still come you know! For all of you! Go on! Judge me! Go on!" She shouted and stabbed her finger at them. "You're all traitors just like Nadeshiko! She told you things about me didn't she!? She poisoned everyone against me!"

She slammed her fists against the table.

That's when she noticed me.

I snapped my mouth shut. For the longest time her eyes never left mine. I gripped Fanran's arm, frightened that Meiling would pounce. Then, the sourness in her eyes diminished. Her own vision became blurred as two tears hovered in her eyes and she extended her arm towards me, inclining me closer.

"Come here, Sakura."

All eyes fell on me. I embraced myself and pressed my close to the wall.

"Leave her." Syaoran snarled but Eriol interrupted.

"Let her. Meiling won't hurt her, she doesn't have the strength." Eriol said without hesitation.

Meiling did indeed, look vulnerable. My feet began to move forward despite Syaoran's resistance. I stopped a few feet away from her desk. She shivered as if the room temperature had plummeted all of a sudden.

"Sakura…" She whispered.

"Yes?" I said deciding it was best to go along with her delusion.

Something told me she had something important to say, something she'd been thinking about for a while.

"Clow is coming." She mumbled as if finally it was getting through to her and registering. "It's all over." She kept mumbling as if the apocalypse was dawning.

"You were right." She whimpered and embraced herself from the cold. "You told me it would feel like this, I'd regret everything I did…I do. It's all over for me. Everything. I've don't so many bad things. I-I did so much…." Then she laughed out bitterly. "You were so hell-bent on taking me down weren't you? Weren't YOU!" She snarled a ripped a gun from under her desk.

In an instant Syaoran was in front of me. But Meiling wasn't pointing the gun at me, but at herself. I couldn't make sense of this bi-polarness of hers. Her eyes became demented like. As if a demon was burning inside her head whispering horrible things to her.

"At least," She said with the two tears finally breaking free and falling down her hollow cheeks . "At least I've dragged you all down with me." Then her evil, wicked smile that did so many awful deeds reappeared for a split second before she pulled the trigger.

BANG!

Syaoran shielded my eyes from witnessing Meiling's body fall heavily back into the black leather chair. I was swiped out of the room so fast by my father my head could barely register what had happened.

The last thing I remembered was Fanran and Eriol's voice.

"Do you think she was truly sorry?" Fanran asked.

I could picture Eriol's head shaking.

"No, she died how she lived...hated."

X x x


	29. Origins of Rae

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

I watched Tomoeda disappear into a small spec as we sped away. Syaoran's face was stony from his encounter with Meiling. I also felt somehow guilty because of her last words. She was demented and tormented looking at the same time…we were both left disturbed, even Syaoran, who has been through so much in his life.

I wonder if Meiling's death was like losing an aunty you've always hated. Wishing that they'd disappear but when they do, you feel guilty and all the things you wanted to say to them suddenly resurrected in your mind.

There was staleness in the car. My heart was already sickly with the thoughts of leaving Tomoeda and Fanran and everything I had adapted too.

When Tomoeda disappeared I sighed loudly and decided instead of wallowing in my problems, I'd avert Syaoran's. He was only leaving Tomoeda because of me; I had to stop thinking about myself.

"I always meant to ask you," I said pressing my cheek against the cold window. "Where did my name come from?"

Syaoran blinked twice and scratched his head.

"Eh…to be honest I'm not sure. I never knew anyone called Rhaya before. As far as I knew, neither did Sakura."

I was a little disappointed but shrugged it off. I guess I'll never know the origins of my strange name…

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 15 Years and Nine months ago**

I had a strange, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach as I packed away my things. My training gear, fake ID's, passports all sat on my table ready to be destroyed.

Clow had it all planned out for us. Toya and I would move to Europe and leave behind this messed up world we got dragged into. But it wasn't enough to settle me. I sat on my bed feeling uneasy.

From Yue's room a Russian dancer stepped through with her Yue's shirt on. I gritted my teeth ad looked away; I certainly wouldn't miss Yue that much, or his rendezvous with random girls. The Russian girl snarled her upper lip as if threatened my presence would lure Yue away.

I was surprised at how well Yue and I got on. He was still an irritating and annoying prick and the creaking of his bed springs against my wall every night made me more thankful I was moving away. The girl slammed the fridge door and returned to his room.

Still, I was smiling. Everything was going to be normal now, all thanks to Clow. He was going to take care of us. My mother, was taking care of us. I was going to live the life I always wanted to live.

…Without Syaoran.

There it was, the horrible queasiness in my stomach. I'd never see him again. Logically, it was exactly what I wanted. But…my life without him…would I ever meet anyone who loved me like that again? Would anyone kiss me like he did, love me, touch me like he did?

I bit my lip and suppressed the tightening of my chest at the thought.

Then, Yue stood at his doorframe with his mouth in the shape of a small 'o'. He was gawking at me, speechless.

"Yue-"

"Ssssshhhhhhh!" He said harshly and held his index finger at me while looking around the room suspiciously.

"What's wrong?" I asked feeling nervous as I tensed up.

Yue walked slowly into the room. His shirtless attire making me blush and look away. I, too, scanned the room with my heart pulsing. Was there someone here, watching us? Had I become so absorbed in the idea of leaving here that I didn't notice an intruder?

"Don't you feel that?" Yue asked widening his grey eyes and taking small steps towards me.

I shuddered. "No." My hands shook slightly. I'm usually good at sensing things like these; to be taken off guard disturbed me.

"You can't feel it?"

I shook my head, "Feel what?"

Yue put his finger to my lips and leaned in. "The sexual tension between you and I…"

Then his face combusted into laughter.

"Ugh! Fuck off Yue that freaked me out!" I fumed when I realised he was kidding.

He held his sides finding my gobsmacked state hilarious until, finally, I too grinned. Yue was the only person here who made me smile or laugh, even if his jokes were sexually thought out towards me.

He flopped onto the couch with a beer. He showed no shame in wearing only his jocks which I still felt uncomfortable about.

"It's a shame you're leaving without testing the springs in my bed."

I rolled my eyes; I've learnt to ignore his sexual remarks.

"But seriously, I'm glad you're getting out of here. It's just a shame that….." He broke off.

I knitted my eyebrows together. "A shame that what…?"

Yue breathed deeply, afraid to say anything more. My heart pulsed harder, I had a feeling I knew what this was about.

"The timing isn't great. I'm worried for you. Are you really ok with moving on when things in your life aren't…settled?"

I stiffened. Yue knew about Syaoran and I. I opened up to him and told him because I trusted him for some reason. I told him everything from loving him, to hating him. Yue already knew Syaoran's sins but…

I didn't think Yue would look into it so much.

"The timing couldn't be better. I'm done with him, with that part of my life. I'm moving on with my life and he has nothing to do with it!" I raised my voice.

"Who are you trying to convince?" He asked making me feel pathetic.

He seemed to see right through me. Who was I kidding…Syaoran, I always think about him. Despite what foul things Toya says about him, I feel I have to stick up for Syaoran despite….

How can this be? How can I not find the absolute hate I once felt for him?

Yue appeared by my side and wrapped his arm around me. He was never shy about touching me. He reeled me in so my head fitted into the crook of his neck.

"Trust me, it's going to be a lot harder to move on without seeing him. When you see him again, you'll know what to say. You'll know. You'll feel it here," He said pointing towards my heart.

I was taken aback by his sudden wisdom. I looked into his rainy coloured eyes for a long time. He stared back not letting me go for some time. I blushed when the gaze went on too long but I didn't look away. Yue was…a friend I really needed at this time.

He was kind and there for me in the strangest of ways.

In my vulnerable state I began to cry.

"What's wrong?" He soother, not pressuring me.

I began to babble. "I-I-I should be glad that I'm leaving b-but I'm afraid that I still….still love Syaoran. How can that be? I miss him so much but I can't look past what he did and-"

"Yue!" Said a sharp piercing tone.

I practically leaped to the other side of the couch when the Russian woman called him.

I wiped my tears so fast and composed myself in front of him.

"Forget what I said. I'm just emotional. Never mind me."

Yue eyes me suspiciously before I gave him a satisfying smile to reassure that I was ok.

Yue smiled and winked at me before kissing my hands in his usual flirty manner.

"Have a nice life Kinomoto, you of all people deserve it."

I smiled and thanked him as he smacked the woman's ass and dragged her into his room, thus reverting to his usual horny self.

X x x

Toya was late.

Our plane left in four hours and we still had to load bags in the car. I needed a distraction from the thoughts of Syaoran. I was scared, scared that maybe Yue was right, maybe I should see Syaoran one last time…

No!

I couldn't go back to Japan, not with Meiling still there.

I heard mumbling from the room at the end of the hall. A deep golden ray of light passed through the narrow opening of the door. I heard Toya's voice speaking rapidly and half panicked.

I walked over but stopped to over what was causing him to be frantic.

"Yes I know that but…yes I know but what am I supposed to do! I can't tell Clow he can't know about any of this." Toya paced back and forth biting his nails, the sweat on his forehead shining under the light.

What was he talking about? What could he possibly not trust Clow about?

"Please, I can't stay! No, no it's just me, I haven't seen Sakura in months."

I backed away from the door. My hand fluttered to my heart. Why was he pretending he didn't know me? Who was he speaking to that he had to abandon me?

"I-I-I just told Clow I don't have contact with you. Yeah I know I'm sorry but dad…"

My heart froze mid-beat.

Dad…Fujitaka….? He was talking to…our father? Our father who he told me he hasn't seen since that night mom died!? What was going on?

Toya stuttered into the phone for another few minutes before his shaky fingers hung up. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

It was only when I pressed my gun to the back of his forehead and cocked it did he notice me.

"Why are you talking to Fujitaka?"

Toya gulped and racked his brain for an answer.

"Don't lie." I spat through my teeth.

"I-I-it's nothing Sakura, forget it, please."

"Take me to him."

"…No"

"TAKE ME TO HIM!" I barked with sudden anger boiling through me.

"It's not what you think. I didn't tell you because I want to protect you. Fujitaka….you don't want to know him Sakura, the real him…it would just kill you."

"Take me to him now Toya." I pushed the gun against his neck and he began to walk.

Syaoran was one part of my life to be dealt with….Fujitaka was another…

X x x

We walked for fifteen minutes in silence until we cleared the secluded part of Shanghai where I was living. The bright lights and bustling traffic faded into the background behind trees and smaller buildings.

We crossed a bridge and came to apartment blocks. But there was something strange about this place. There was greenery that sat in front of the polished gleaming windows of the apartment. They were modern and un-grimed by neglect

Even in the cold dark night I could imagine that this place was child-friendly, un-hostile and….nice.

Not the type of place I imagined Toya would lead me to our father.

"You really don't want to see him Sakura. It will only hurt you."

"Shut up." I couldn't help the sudden bitterness that came over me.

I was consumed with hate the familiarity of betrayal. "You told me you didn't know where he was. All this time you were working with him? He helped our mother to die have you no dignity!?" I fumed.

I was so ashamed of him. What could have driven him to work with Fujitaka?

"It's not what you think!?" He whirled around and narrowed his eyes. "I know what he did was bad but….but I had no choice! It was either that or die!"

"What are you talking about? You could have just left like Clow offered you!"

Toya snapped his mouth shut as if caught. "Yeah well, I thought I could you know…hack it here. I thought, instead of running, I'd make it here. Mom wouldn't have died for nothing."

I stood with my mouth gaping in awe. "Are you a fucking idiot! What is WRONG with you!? Clow offers you a way out and you say no to try to run with the underground scum here? Were you even going to leave with me? Or was that a lie too?"

"No. I have to leave!" He grabbed my shoulders. "I'm in trouble Sakura. I got in with the wrong people. People outside Clow. They want me dead!"

"Then go to the police."

"I can't half of the police in Shanghai are looking for me. I got stitched up. Dad was the only person who got me out of some of it. I had to work for him" His hands shook. "We need to leave Shanghai tonight. Somewhere far away, that's another reason Clow want me gone. He doesn't want me associated with them in case they get investigated. Please Sakura! Forget about Fujitaka, forget about all of this and just LEAVE!"

I pushed him away from me.

"So what if we leave here? They're still going to find you Toya no matter where you go! You can't hide out for the rest of your life! I'm actually not surprised at you Toya, I'm disappointed though. You were always a coward, always cowering towards Fujitaka."

Toya pushed me harshly and I hit the wall.

"You can't talk! As bad as I may be, you're the one fucking our mother's killer! Don't think I don't know about that!" He spat bitterly and it stung so bad.

I locked my jaw. He reminded me of Fujitaka for a minute, heartless.

"That's in the past Toya."

We glared at each other for the longest time. In the time we were apart, he changed. So did I. Maybe we just didn't recognise each other anymore.

By now we were outside a door. A tense atmosphere fell onto us.

"Open the door." I said coldly.

When he didn't move I snatched the key from his hands, unlocked the door and slammed it in his face.

When the room fell silent I turned around.

There were no words to fit what I saw. The apartment was so…normal. A couch facing a fancy flat screen t.v. Beige wallpaper, a vase of flowers, a bookshelf….

This couldn't possibly be the current home of my father. It was so well kept, so…homely.

I caught sight of a few pictures on the book shelf. As I walked forward I noticed more strange things, a popular Chinese teen magazine with a book mark on one of the pages, a pair of woman's shoes, oven mitts and other feminine things…

I picked up a frame and inspected it. I squinted. It was a picture of a woman with short curly hair in her forties. She was smiling, probably laughing and she held in her arms a little girl who was about ten. Her black hair was cut to her shoulders.

I couldn't make sense of this. I began to think I was in the wrong apartment. Then, my eye caught another photo. Only then did I realise the collage of pictures hanging on the wall.

My father, as I never seen him before. Smiling from with a happiness I've never seen before on a beach. He, the woman and the little girl were in nearly all of them. It was Christmas Day in one of them. Wrapping paper on the floor, smiles everywhere…

Then a sickening feeling crashed down on me.

Fujitaka never one spent Christmas with us, at home.

No, this woman….was she….and the girl….

Then, to confirm my horrible suspicious, my eyes landed on a picture.

My Little Princess.

The little girl was captured in the photo frame, a small plastic tiara on her head, and her eyes, like Fujitaka's.

No…there was no way; no way Fujitaka had another secret family.

He….he, no! Why, How!

Then finally, the penny dropped.

Fujitaka was never at home. Not one Christmas did he spend with us. The last of my birthday's he was present for was when I was ten. Never did he acknowledge me or Toya or show any signs that he recognised us as his children. No love between him and my mother. No happiness in our home.

I took the picture and with trembling knees I slumped against the wall and sank down. Shaky fingers, heart pulsing.

No wonder there was no love in our house, it was spent here, loving her, them. I traced her face. Small, pretty with beautiful eyes that was full of life.

Toya was right; this…this was too much. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. My hands began to sweat. Every memory of my father's relationship with me made my stomach turn.

Were we just not good enough, was I not good enough?

I bet this girl's eyes never witnessed domestic abuse, her ears never hear the screeches of her parents, her skin wasn't milky white like mine from being regularly punished to spend days in a cold dark closet. I bet she smiled every day, I bet she never knew sadness. I bet Fujitaka tucked her into bed every single night when he was here. I bet he was there every Christmas.

I bet she felt loved. I bet this home wasn't plagued with the memories of a miserable and dark childhood. Did she even know true pain? Did she ever see Fujitaka's true nature?

No, of course not. Her eyes, untainted and unstained by the evil that lies within my father.

I felt so much envy at that point. This girl has the life I should have had! It should be me who was normal! Why me? Why can't it be this girl who has her heart broken from child-birth? Why can't she be betrayed by family and someone she thought loved her only to betray her?

Why her! What made her so special and lovable? Why could he love her and not-

Click

The door opened behind me. I shot away from the body and slammed against the wall.

Fujitaka whistled as he walked in. His wet hair semi-matted to his face, his thick coat drenched. He pushed his glasses up so they met with the bridge of his nose.

"Anyone home? I got noodles, your favourite."

Still not noticing me, he peeled back his coat and placed the food on the table beside him. He ruffled his hair and pushed it from his eyes.

I rose from the chair and clenched my jaw. Whoever he was meant to be talking to, he sounded so cheerful and even giddy. I've never in my life witnessed him like this.

Then finally, his eyes fell onto mine.

We both froze.

Those times he used to lock me in the closet in the dark when I was a child was the worst. But funny enough, I use to dread being let out, dread seeing his face again, being locked for what felt like forever, enough time for me to try and forget his face, his deeds…but then he'd open the door again and there he would be.

His eyes, his glare.

This is what it was like.

After being kept in the dark for so long, there he was again. I was looking at his glare again, and crippled by it.

His smile evaporated and condensed into a crooked smirk.

The cheerful voice he once held became sly and cold, like I was an enemy.

"So, you're still alive." He half-laughed and walked over to the counter into the kitchen like my presence was just a nuisance.

He loosened his tie and looked back at me expecting me to comment. But just like my childhood, I was afraid, terrified to speak back to him. I was older now, not a child. I was a trained assassin but paralysed by events of my childhood.

"Why didn't you just die in that explosion like planned?" He scowled.

I took a step back with that crushing blow.

"T-that was you? You planned the explosion under my car? That was you!" I raised my voice and felt a lump in my throat.

I was suddenly plagued my horrible memories of that night.

"Somebody died that night in that explosion." I said meekly.

Why couldn't I be brave? Why couldn't I just confront him like planned? Rika died because of him! Because his attempt scarred her to her own suicide.

All this time I thought it was just another organization trying to take me out, but no, my own father tried to kill me but got Rika instead.

Though my face was horror stricken, Fujitaka just shrugged. He didn't care. None of this mattered to him; he just wanted me out of his life, out of his family's life.

"So how long?" I asked. "How long have you been living this life, with this family?"

He twisted his mouth. "What does it matter how long? What does any of this have to do with you?"

"It matters to ME!" I barked and raised my gun at him. My hands weren't shaking this time. "Did mom know? Why did you stay with us? You obviously didn't love us as much as you loved them!" I snarled and indicated to all the pictured of him and his family.

He loosened his tie further, his green eyes blazing now.

"You can't figure it out? Even after working for Meiling and them?" He laughed. "I never married your mother for love you idiot. It was for position and protection. Your mother was merely and escalation of my position in Li. Toya was only born to be my heir. You…" He snickered. "You were one of my mistakes. I'm still paying for it."

"Shut up!" I screamed regretting asking him.

"You're mother never loved me either. I tried with her but…she had eyes for someone else." He spat. "She didn't get over her rejection completely. I tried but…your mother was unlovable, especially when she loved someone else."

My face paled. My mother…loved someone else?

"You may blame me for my actions, but your mother drove me to them, she made herself unlovable and therefore, you. How was I supposed to love someone who I knew was thinking of someone else?"

"Who?" I whispered.

I was surprised when he shrugged.

"I never knew and I don't care."

He was so vile with the truth, so heinous.

"But this," He said looking around his apartment with a slight smile on his face. "This is my family, not you, not that insolent son of mine, just them!" He shouted picking up a photo frame of the woman and the girl.

"You are not my daughter, she is!" He said bitterly.

How can those words hurt me? I knew for a long time he never truly thought of me as his daughter but…it still hurt! Why was he having any effect of me?

"You're not going to kill me. Just like you didn't kill me in Dayaki." He smirked and bravely walked towards me until the tip of my gun. "Do you want to know why? Because you're still afraid of me. Because you're still the child who knows I can hurt you. Look at you Sakura, you're trembling. You're weak. It doesn't matter who trains you to be an assassin, or how long, you will always be afraid of me." His face was inches from mine.

My eyes never left his, my nerve was slipping. No, no I wasn't afraid of him, I wouldn't let myself be. I-I-I…..

His sly smile showed his greyish teeth, his neat hair began to fray and he once again became the demon that haunted my nightmares.

"Do you remember when I use to lock you in the closet Sakura? You do, don't you? All those hours in the dark, the coldness. Sometimes I use to forget you were there, did you know that? Hours would go by before you crossed my mind. Then when I would remember you, I'd laugh."

His dark laughed rung in my ears.

It was happening again, just like I Dayaki, I froze up. All the wanting to kill him slipped my nerve and was replaced by fear.

Then, for some reason Syaoran's voice circled my mind.

You are so much stronger then you think you are Sakura, don't ever doubt your greatness…

Syaoran…thinking of you for some reason gives me strength.

I held my gun up to his chest. He may not be a murder, but his sins stretch back a long way.

I stopped trembling, He would not get the satisfaction of hurting me again.

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Oh? Then do it. I dare you." He laughed doubting me.

I cocked the gun, a moment of hesitation, but my collage of awful memories clouded any doubts. He was just as bad as the others, just as vile. He was no better than any crook in Tomoeda.

I was ready to shoot, ready to get some vengeance for my mother-

"Daddy?"

Both Fujitaka and I jerked back and whirled our head towards the girl standing in the hallway. She rubbed her eyes in attempt to wake her sleepy self. Her shoulder length brown hair hung poker straight around her face. She pushed her hair back to reveal a young face of about twelve with wide and innocent brown eyes.

A few freckled dotted her cheeks and in her pyjamas she bit pulled on her baby pink sleeve.

"W-what's going on?" She stuttered when she noticed us, my gun.

She clasped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide in fear. I was an intruder with a gun in her home. A girl's worst nightmare.

Fujitaka completely changed. His mouth dropped and his eyes tensed in worry. He held his hands up to her in a motion that wanted to ease her worry.

"Nothing princess. Nothing to worry about, just go back to bed. I'll be fine."

His voice, it was so…protecting, so soothing to her, so kind that I was completely shocked to the core. There was no anger or bitterness in his voice when he addressed her.

He was so loving to her…

She looked at him seemingly a little calmer but with fear as she looked at me.

"W-who is that?" She pointed to me.

"Nobody sweetheart, she's nobody. Everything's going to be fine princess just fine."

I lifter my gun towards him with an anger, hatred and jealousy pumping into my veins. I was just a nobody, a bothersome presence in his pathetic life.

"No, everything is not going to be fine." I cocked the gun which made the girl scream. "Tell her who I am Fujitaka. Go on, tell her daddy."

The girl's mouth dropped and her hands fluttered to her white cheeks.

Fujitaka stuttered.

"Go on, TELL HER! Are you afraid? She doesn't know what you're like does she? DOES SHE!?" I barked.

"She has nothing to do with this leave her out of this Sakura she's completely innocent." He fumed.

"Innocent like I was?" I laughed.

My mood had changed to complete bitterness and the ugly side to me revealed itself. "I bet she doesn't know about your past does she? Well? Does she know what you use to be like with us? How you beat my mother? How you locked me up in the closet for hours and hours? How you use to hit us? How you let me be taken by one most notorious underground organizations in Tomoeda? How you never looked for me. How you planned moms murder. How you TRIED TO KILL ME!? Does she know about that DOES SHE!" I screamed.

The girl began to cry as she looked from me to Fujitaka.

Fujitaka gave me an icy glare. He really cared about this girl. He really….loved her.

"Daddy what does she mean? Why is she saying those things?"

"She's lying princess. Don't trust her, believe me sweetheart do you think I'd do those things? Look at me, would I do those things?"

The girl looked at his face which had cleverly moulded into a face of kindness. She shook her head. She believed him. Of course she believed, she's never in her life been a victim of his hatred.

"Don't you lie to her Fujitaka you tell her! Look at her and tell her you did all those things to me and mom. TELL HER! She deserves to know what sort of scum you really are." I spat through my teeth.

I was so infuriated how he manipulated this girl into believing him. She was being cheated. My step-sister….she was falling for his lies.

"Tell her!"

"Daddy what's happening!?" The girl whimpered and clung onto his sleeve.

He bent down to hug her. "Don't worry Rhaya, daddy will handle this, just go back to bed, I'll tuck you in later ok?"

"No, you won't." I said slowly and darkly which made him look at me. "You're right, she has nothing to do with this. It's between you and I. You die tonight Fujitaka. Face it like a man."

The girl wailed when I said that. Her eyes red with tears as her breathing became heavy and uneven.

"No stop it!" She wailed in utter fear. She was not use to seeing such a sight. She reminded me of myself. Innocent but forcefully dragged into this world. I was saving her from Fujitaka. From the crimed he would eventually commit and scar her.

She will never understand what I am doing for her.

Fujitaka then lunged at me.

I was distracted by the girl and taken off guard. He was physically stronger but not as agile. He manoeuvred the gun out of his direction and wrestled me to the wall. All the time the girl howled.

Fujitaka slammed me against the wall and I fell to the floor. He pinned me down and scrambled for the gun. He punched me several times until my vision became blurred and dizzy. We inflicted wounds onto each other, neither willing to surrender.

I can't die, I can't let him win! He will not kill me! All those things he did to me…I wanted revenge! Not just for me, I was fighting back for my mother, for all the times she had to back down from him. She protected me as best as she could. I would not let her down by dying by his hand!

BANG!

Quick, ill-though out, panicked were my actions. My heart raced at the unanticipated sound of my gun firing. The sound rang out making my stomach twist.

Then I heard a disturbingly familiar thud. My stomach dropped and my face paled within a split second.

Fujitaka's roar was so loud, so ear shattering that I froze. He lunged away from me and threw himself over her.

He kneeled in her spilt blood and picked her up into his arms.

"No, no, no, no, it's not meant to be like this. You were never meant to end up like this. No, my princess, my angel, my Rhaya…"

What have I done? What…what did I do?

The gun slipped from my hand.

I edged over, my heart rate had dropped so low I thought I would faint.

There, lifeless and as still as a grave, a body lay silent.

Her hair was brushed over her face and when Fujitaka pushed it aside her eyes were still and blank.

Only when I felt a small wetness on my knee did I look down and see deep red blood slither from her body. The bullet pierced clean into the side of her head.

"Oh…God." I chocked.

I killed her. I killed her! Oh God why!? H-h-how I, I didn't mean to it was an accident. I wasn't aiming for her! I felt winded, unable to breath.

She didn't even stir. The only other sound was the sound of the milk she spilt prior to death dripping onto the floor.

For the first time I saw Fujitaka cry. It was disturbing to see. His emotion poured out of him in the form of audible grief. He buried her head into his chest pleading with his dead body to resurrect.

Shocked, I feel into the chair beside him.

I couldn't think. H-how could this have happened?

Syaoran…is this how you felt? In those moments after you killed her…were you like this? Was I going through the exact same thing you were?

"My Rhaya…my Rhaya…" He grieved over and over again until I couldn't take it.

I bolted upright and walked towards them. He didn't stir as I towered over his crippled state.

"Why?" I asked. "Why was she so lucky?" Even in and insensitive moment like this, I couldn't shake these feelings of hate, jealousy and envy. "What made her so lovable over me? Over Toya and mom? Why was she so important to you? She was given a chance, why wasn't I?! Do you even care about what's happened to me? I would never have met Syaoran If it weren't for you! I wouldn't have gotten my heart ripped apart. I would be normal just like her!" I shook to the core.

I envied the sister I never knew. Envied her life.

Fujitaka's eyes turned sour. "Look at you! Look what you have done! Who could love you? You are your mother's daughter. Cold, and easily tainted. I never wanted you. I never wanted that life I had in Tomoeda." His voice broke. "I just wanted to be here, with them. My Rhaya, she was so pure. So innocent. LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" He roared.

I took a step back and squeezed my eyes shut.

That's when I realized, just like my father and mothers marriage, I was doomed from the start. I was too much like my mother to him. My mother who never truly loved him. My father and I would never get along, destined to hate each other. Maybe I always knew this but never admitted it. Maybe inside me I always hoped that he'd show that he cared just a little…maybe I didn't want to accept that some people were just…bad.

"My princess…" He hummed in a disorientated state. "I bet your in heaven now; I'll see you again princess. I'll see you again."

I wiped my tears.

"No," I said coldly and faced him. "You won't see her again, not where you're going."

BANG!

I looked away as he slumped to the cold hard floor, now lifeless to this world.

He was dead.

Finally, he was gone. The room fell sickeningly silence. The whole apartment seemed to look down on me, unwelcoming me. I was too bad for this place, a killer unwelcome to this place. I was cold-blooded. I sickening feeling rose in my stomach.

But…why wasn't I satisfied. Why did I not feel the satisfaction I thought I would? I knew why, it was because of her. Rhaya also died in this awful, horrific revenge of mine.

I fell onto the floor. I couldn't even cry. I placed my gun at my side and hugged my knees. It suddenly became very cold.

Syaoran….I don't know why, but I really need you now. I need you to hold me, I need your warmth. I need you to tell me that it's going to be ok. I need you to distract me from this awful, awful sin I've committed.

I've killed my sister. She was so innocent, normal. I thought I was going to get sick but I was so numb that I didn't know how to react. I would have taken the gun to my own head at that moment had I not been paralysed in fear of myself.

Rhaya's body was curled inside Fujitaka's arms, like a father protecting his daughter should be.

Shakily I rose to my feet.

The door burst open and Toya fell in with his face flustered and confused.

"What the hell is happening here? I heard gunshots, the police are coming too what hap-"

He stopped when he saw the two dead bodies and my gun, still smoking. His hand shot into his head and he pulled his hair and bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God what have you done! You killed them both! What the- how, why Sakura!"

Numbly I placed my gun back into its holder and breathed deeply.

Toya panicked but kept his distance from the bodies. I thought he was going to get sick. His breathing was frenzied.

"Shit! We have to get out of here Sakura! We can still make our plane come on!" He grabbed my wrist and tugged me. His knees trembled like the coward I was recognising him to be.

"No Toya. We're not running away." I said in a dead tone.

"So you're just going to stay here? Confess to the police? Just leave Sakura they'll never know it was you if we go please!" He begged.

I knew he was only thinking of himself. All he wanted out of me was a personal body guard. He wanted to run from his crimes, I wasn't going to do that.

"No Toya."

"Then what are you going to do!?"

I sighed.

I've committed an unforgivable crime. To take my own life would be the easy way out. No, this was something I'd never forgive myself for. I will punish myself for this. I wouldn't stop until my suffering was unimaginable.

"I'll work for Clow. Do anything he says. I'll be his assassin. Kill other people like me. I will be a slave to the organization. I don't deserve freedom. I don't deserve the life mother wanted me to have."

"What about me!?" Toya asked desperately clutching my sleeve.

His forehead was breaking out in sweat.

"Fine!" He said suddenly. "I'll go by myself! You're on your own Sakura; I won't come back for you Sakura! I won't."

"Oh Toya." I said tiredly. "Neither of us deserves happiness. Do you really think fleeing China will free you? It doesn't matter where you go, they will find you. You'll waste what freedom you have left hiding and panicking looking over your shoulder until they find you. Trust me, they will. There is no life for you outside China or Japan. We've let our mother down."

"Then what do you suggest huh? Tell me if you have it all figured out." He said shaking.

"You will stay here. When the police come they'll arrest you on suspicion of murder. When they realise there is no murder weapon and no evidence of you committing the crime they will arrest you on your other charges and bad things you did. You will go to prison for a while, maybe ten years. We'll both suffer for what we've done. It's the only hope for us to be redeemed."

"And if I refuse?"

"You don't have a choice." I knocked him on the head with the back of my gun.

He fell unconscious and became still. When the police came, he'd be arrested. Cruel, I know, but I was protecting him. It was for his own good. Otherwise they'd find him and kill him. Toya, in the short time we've been reunited I've discovered your true nature. I shouldn't play God over your life but…this was best for you. I have concluded...you are too much like our father, not enough like our mother.

We're both terrible people. This punishment isn't harsh enough for us.

As the sound of police sirens neared I slipped out of the apartment block unseen.

Numbness coursed through me as I walked through Shanghai's streets.

Yes, I would work for Clow. Work and hate every minute of it. Hate myself for my crime, punish myself until I become so cold and so numb that it becomes a part of me and happiness would be something I use to know.

I won't forgive myself.

I never will.

I began to understand how Syaoran felt. Did he also feel this way? When he gave me the opportunity to kill him was it really a plea to end his suffering. He was in love with me, did that make it worse?

Syaoran…maybe it's time our paths crossed again. I want to confront you. I don't know what I want to say to you, nor you to me but…maybe Yue is right. Maybe in my heart, I'll just know…

In the most horrific of circumstance I finally began to empathise with Syaoran. But…did I forgive him when I couldn't forgive myself?

Coldness consumed me. The girls face circled in my head.

Rhaya…that was a nice name…

X x x

**Eriol's POV: Present Day**

To be in her old apartment in Tomoeda must have been a nostalgic, yet painful feeling.

Sakura slithered into the apartment tight against the walls silently. Cloaked in darkness she listened for any signs of life.

Syaoran…how you've managed to take Rhaya away from Sakura again I will never know. Maybe you're determined to hurt Sakura for hiding her from you, or maybe, you genuinely love her to the point no matter where Sakura takes her you'll find her. Either way, Sakura will taking her back for her own sake.

"They're not here, they've left." I said.

She didn't seem taking aback by my silent presence.

She revealed herself.

Face as hard and as cold as ice. Eyes, full of suffering she came into the light of the dimly lit kitchen where I sat drinking scotch, polishing my gun.

Sakura smiled crookedly, her faint moon shaped scar came into view.

"Where?" She asked not bothering to inquire as to how I escaped back to Japan.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Now, why should I tell you that?"

"Because Eriol, you owe me one. If it wasn't for me you'd still be rotting in a dark dungeon back in Shanghai. Now tell me, where are they?" She spat.

I grinned. "How cold you have become Sakura. The life you once had sixteen years ago has been completely drained from you. Your suffering must be deep. I guess that just shows how good Clow is."

"I wouldn't have to be here if Rhaya stayed where I left her."

I looked at my hands. This was difficult for me to say. She obviously didn't know, how could she?

"Tomoyo is dead. Takashi killed her." I said in a dead tone.

Sakura's grin evaporated and the first piece of emotion finally showed itself in her eyes. Her green eyes plummeted into despair and confusion. I could tell she wanted to ask questions, but she was not here for this mission. Tomoyo was a good friend to Sakura, to the point she entrusted her to raise her daughter. Sakura has lost so much, I could empathise.

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, mentally telling herself that it was a discussion for another day.

"Please, Eriol. I need to find her. I have to protect her."

"What make you think Syaoran isn't doing that? As much as you hate the thought Sakura, Syaoran loves that girl more than anything. He will do everything in his power to protect her." I said.

"If that were true Eriol then he would have been there from the start." She said biting her lip.

There was a hidden meaning there that I could not pick up on. There was something drastic that happened between her and Syaoran. After the revelation that he killed Nadeshiko, after she was sold off to Clow. Something else happened that widened the rift between them to the point where Sakura convinced herself she hated him.

But that was not for me to find out.

"If you want to find them, they are in the valley where Rhaya grew up. Leave now, you will catch them."

Sakura nodded with deep thought and turned to leave.

"Sakura," I called out before she left.

"Why do you really want to find her? It's not to protect her; you know Syaoran will do that. Stop lying to yourself. Syaoran does not hate you, Rhaya does not hate you, they just don't understand you. This wall you have built around yourself, it's preventing you from speaking what you truly feel. Rhaya is a loving child. She will accept you no matter what. Let her in Sakura, then maybe even you can be happy again."

Sakura stood frozen. A small smile curled on her lips.

"In a way you've always been good to me Eriol. I'll remember that before the war starts."

With that, she left silently like a ghost, no evidence she was ever here.

Sneaky and cat-like, Kayami skulked around the wall revealing herself. Her head was cocked to the side in deep thought. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and her face smooth, as if it came to a conclusion.

"Interesting." She said commenting on the conversation Sakura and I had.

"Don't even think about it Kayami. Leave them be."

Kayami pouted and placed her hands on her hips.

"I don't know what you're talking about Eriol. How nice, they're all having a family reunion." She walked by me and picked up her car keys, jingled them and winked at me with intentions of following Sakura.

"You know Sakura will kill you as soon as she lays eyes on you." I called out to her.

Kayami flicked her hair over her shoulders and pouted her lips before applying raw red lipstick onto them.

"I'm not going for Sakura. Should anything get out of hand, I'll be Syaoran's secret bodyguard. Wouldn't want a bloodbath at the reunion now would we? Honestly Eriol," She said winking again. "You think I'm some sort of bunny boiler?"

I shrugged. Kayami can do what she liked. It would be her funeral…

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Hope you enjoyed! **

**College exams are almost over so hopefully posting soon! Only a few more chapters left :'( **

**I kinda wanted to explain where Rhaya's name came from and why Sakura never left Clow in the one chapter!**

**There's one last big event between Sakura and Syaoran's past yet to be revealed!**

**R&R! :)**


	30. Little Temptress

******Chapter 30!**

**Tomoyo's POV: 15 and a Half Years Ago**

I feel utterly sick.

The temptation to dash through the window in attempt to escape was so strong. Even the air around me wasn't right. My hands wouldn't stay still and they were clammy with nerves. I looked in the mirror and saw my pale and sickly face looking solemnly back at me.

My rosy pink painted lips were glued together, saying nothing these past few weeks. People have been doing all the talking and planning for me. I was just an instrument in this twisted event.

Oh yes, they made me pretty indeed. I didn't even recognise myself in my white laced wedding dress, lavender hair loosely tied back and my flawless make up hiding the dark circles under my eyes.

Today I would be getting married…to the wrong person.

I pushed the curtain of the window back a little and saw the manic bustling going on outside. Lavish roses, cherry blossoms, and all sorts of decorative seating were displayed just for me, the 'happy' bride.

My stomach turned at the thoughts of marrying Hang Keiji. Since my mother brought him back into my life his pathetic attempts to swoon me have only widened the already mammoth-sized gap between us. Of, course, I'd never be able to love him, and I didn't want to just like he obviously didn't want to marry me.

Hang was just a pawn in all this like I was. He was marrying me simply because his father wanted his name carried down, and my father didn't want the shame of an unwedded daughter.

There was laughter as people gathered now. I barely knew anyone here, I didn't even see the guest list.

My finger stroked the petals of a white lily. My eyes burned so much but I've learned to contain my tears in these past few weeks.

Eriol…you promised you'd come back. You promised we'd be together no matter what. Where are you now?

I bit my lip. In my heart of hearts I didn't believe he was dead, no matter what Syaoran says.

There was a sharp knock on my door. I snapped out of my deep thoughts as Meiling poked a black eye around the door.

My fists clenched.

She entered and stood at the door just looking at me with a disturbing half smile on her face before her hands gushed to her cheeks.

"Oh My dear you look be-A-utiful!" She exclaimed and widened her wicked smile.

I turned my back to her.

"Yes, Hang Keiji is indeed a lucky man Tomoyo-san." She said and boldly sat to my right.

She was all dressed in black as if going to a funeral. Her feathered hat poked ridiculously into the air and her face was half covered in the black net attached to it.

"Don't be so glum Tomoyo-chan. You'll make people think you're not happy!" She said and stroked my cheek with the back of her finger.

I turned away sharply, rejecting her touch.

"You've got your revenge Meiling. Why are you still trying to torment me?"

Meiling's lips pressed into a firm line but the amusement in her face never left.

"Oh sweetheart, I was just looking after you. Eriol, he was no good for you. Just another assassin honey and they come and go. You'll thank me." She smirked.

There was a subliminal message there. We both knew she didn't care about me, that my happiness revolved solely around Eriol, and she took him away from me.

I wanted to hit her, strangle her for ruining my life and dooming me to a loveless marriage. I wanted to make her suffer, make her angry but….I couldn't.

I sighed.

I couldn't be mad at her. I couldn't do any of those things because I was raised to be a lady.

"Meiling-san, you must be hurting so much."

Meiling's smile evaporated and was replaced by shock. I stared blankly out the window with a hollowness in my heart.

"To go through all of this, taking Eriol away from me, taking Sakura away from Syaoran, keeping Fanran from her sister…"

I clutched at my heart.

"You must have really loved him." I said softly and looked at her.

Meiling flinched back as if I hit her and blinked twice.

"I-I don't know what you mean."

"Syaoran, you must have loved him so much."

"I never loved anyone! He disobeyed and disrespected me it never had anything to do with love." She spat and narrowed her eyes defensively.

"But…It was always about love Meiling. You always loved Syaoran. It had nothing to do with respect or authority. You loved him. If you didn't, you wouldn't have done all those horrible things you've done to him."

Meiling shuffled but kept her eyes narrowed at me.

"It must have been painful, loving him but finding it was unrequited. I bet you waited so long for him to return your feelings. You were never loved so you didn't know how to show him. So instead you forced him to do all those things that degraded him. Then Sakura came along and…you thought she stole him from you. Within just a couple of months Syaoran was gone from your side. You didn't know how to react so you did what you do best, hurt people. If you can't be happy, he can never be…right?"

Meiling's upper lip snarled. I definitely hit a nerve. I've always been able to see through Meiling's mask. This tough exterior that hardened over the years was a case of unrequited love. She loved Syaoran. I always knew that. But her loathsome nature made her unlovable and in the end…alone.

Then I smiled.

"I don't hate you for what you've done to me Meiling. But I do pity you. They are cries of a woman who needs help or even….love."

I placed my hand on her shoulder delicately. She glared at it, her eye twitching.

"I'm sorry Meiling…even someone like me, could never like you; much less love you on a human level. It doesn't matter what you do to me because I know I'll never be as alone and unloved as you are."

Meiling roughly grabbed my fist in her small hand, pulled me in and hissed into my ear.

"Enjoy your wedding."

She stormed out and I felt somewhat drained.

It was true. At least, no matter how bad things get, Meiling would still be the loneliest person in the world to me.

"Tomoyo darling, are you ready?" My mother said poking her head in through the door.

No, I would never be ready for this. Ever.

When the brass doors opened up and the string quartet began to play, I heard nothing. The musician's fingers expertly glided over the strings, people gasped, smiled and began to whisper. But I heard nothing, nothing but the sound of my own thudding in my ears as my ankles struggled to navigate forward. I searched for a familiar face. Maybe if I wished hard enough, Eriol would come just in time.

My eyes rested on a face that reflected mine. A face so distraught and plunged in despair that for a second I forgot my own sadness.

Syaoran tried to smile but only half succeeded. We both knew how this was. We both knew what horrific event was taken place. I felt so connected to Syaoran right now. Like we were the only two people here suffering the same disease. Heartbreak.

His eyes saddened and his head tilted sideways as his attention was drawn to the blossoming cherry blossom trees which radiated a pink that you simply could not ignore.

This was supposed to be mine and Eriol's wedding day. Our vows were supposed to be exchanged; I would become his in front of the people I really cared about. Sakura and Syaoran would be sitting there watching us, loving each other. Fanran and her sister, reunited, Rika…alive…

But no, those thoughts were for the people of the outside world. In this narrow world I choose to live in, love and desires of the heart were things you only dreamed about.

I must start learning to take what I get, and that love does not exist in this grim world of ours…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Later That Night**

Everyone was drunk.

The elegant posture and manners of the people considered upper class dwindled into sloppy dancing and badly structured jokes.

Naturally to say I kept to myself. I sat at a vacant table furthest at the back half-sipping scotch and numbingly sober. Hang Kenji was standing with a group of friends smoking a cigar and seemed to have loosened up. The wedding was like watching a horror movie. My own stomach turned for Tomoyo as she repeated 'I do.' I admired her for her bravery. It was a shame she would suffer so much pain.

Since the ceremony they haven't been seen together. They seemed to dart from each other straight away and Tomoyo hasn't been seen either.

I heard the sharp ripple of Meiling's laugh from the opposite end. She tossed her head back, spilling drops of her wine as she rattled on to business associates and long term partners who were also disorientated with drink.

I've kept my distance from her since. We have no contact now. The money wasn't flowing in as it used to, I must rely on Fanran to get me something little by little.

I sighed and glanced back up at the Sakura tree. In the night wind it reached forward stopping short of the dance floor.

"Hey there." Said a voice beside me.

She slipped into the seat beside me flashed a smile with her red painted lips.

My face became hard as I averted my eyes straight forwards.

Her smile evaporated and she scratched her head not sure on what to say. Kayami began to play with her hair.

"Didn't Tomoyo look so pretty!? She and Hang are gonna be so happy. I didn't think she'd get married so fast after Eriol but I guess she's moving on good for her! I wonder where they'll live, I heard she's gonna move to Tokyo with him. I heard she might even be pregnant. Ooohhhh their kids would so sooo kawaii!"

She said giddily.

I sat clutching the glass so tightly I thought I'd break it. Her complete stupidity and naivety towards Tomoyo's horrific situation stunned me to silence. I would have scowled her and probably lost it but I decided that this girl it too dim to the real picture that to begin to explain would prove useless.

When I said nothing she rested her head onto her hands and sighed.

"So um, I heard you're going on that mission tomorrow, is that weird you know? Considering-"

"I rather you shut up and say nothing rather than rambling about things that don't concern you."

Kayami snapped her mouth shut and flushed red. She looked down stunned and nervous. Unfortunately she didn't move but fidgeted on the chair. She picked at the seam of her red silk dress that fitted tightly at the bodice. She stood out to everyone else, apparently, that's what I heard going around anyway.

"Li-san…" She said abandoning my first name and accepting that we were not on first name terms. "About the incident that time, I'm sorry. When I moved your girlfriends stuff I didn't know it was so important to you. Honestly. I'm not that insensitive, if I knew…" She sighed. I could tell this was playing on her mind for a while.

I rolled my eyes. The last thing I really needed was this. But…she was trying I suppose.

"Don't worry about it." I grumbled and slugged back my drink. "I may have over-reacted and…she's not my girlfriend anymore." I mumbled.

I don't know why I said that. I just didn't like the pity in her voice. Besides, in Sakura's eyes I'm pretty sure she doesn't see me as a lover or anything at all that would resemble that.

Kayami smiled and flickered her eyes towards me. Her eyes were blackened with eye liner and eye shadow but not as heavy as I seen before.

"So, do you want another?" She asked nodding towards my empty glass.

Before I could refuse her offer she clicked at the waiter and ordered two more scotches. When they landed onto the table I groaned. I knew where this was going.

"So," She said taking the pin out of her hair and letting it fall and brush my shoulder.

I flinched slightly away not because I was repelled by her, but because I got a flash back of Sakura in my mind.

She picked up her glass and clinked it off mine. "Let's try and have some fun at this wedding."

X x x

Kayami was a light weight, within three scotched she was extremely tipsy and her body began to oscillate from side to side.

She was actually a funny drunk but too touchy feely…

Her hands wound find themselves touching my arm or sometimes brushing up against my hand. I stayed rigid and just assumed she was too drunk to notice what she was doing.

"So then my mom had a nervous breakdown and had to be carried off to the loony bin for the hundredth time and I was sent to live with 'fun' aunt Meiling." She sneered and threw her long hair over her shoulder.

"Sounds interesting." I said arching my eyebrow. I never realised Kayami had such a fucked up life.

The reception had died down a bit and only the restless souls lingered on sipping the very last drops of expensive wine and reminiscing with each other in deep nostalgia.

She cocked her head to the side and smiled mysteriously. Her finger curled around a strand of hair and I could feel her eyes flicker up and down me. Her smile widened.

"So, it's late." She commented not even looking at the bareness of the venue. "Maybe it's time we left?"

I choked on my drink when I felt her foot suddenly slide up against my leg. She played coy, winked at me and leaned in.

"What do you think?"

I actually laughed. She joined me misunderstanding what I found so funny. Her toe drew slow small circles on my leg.

"Move your foot or I'll break both your ankles and watch you crawl home." I said through my teeth.

She raised an eyebrow, seeing my statement as a challenge. She leaned in closer and whispered as her hand rested on my knee. She showed no signs of embarrassment or fear. She just smiled with her white teeth and bit down on her finger seductively.

"You're a tough man to seduce Syaoran. Tell me, what did Sakura do to break you? She always seemed too quiet, too meek for you, kinda boring if you ask me. I bet she was good in bed wasn't she? Oh so you're that type huh? Well if you're deprived of good sex I know a thing or two in the bedro-"

Without warning I grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and dragged her forward. She went to scream but was winded by the time I brought her face closer. Her eyes widened in panic and she whimpered at the tight grip I had around her hair. Nobody else noticed our sudden change of mood. They were too far away and unaware Kayami and I were still here. She tried to move away but my rage kept her firmly in place.

I didn't shout, my voice came low and full of venom.

"You listen to me. You don't know a thing about her and you don't know a thing about me. Never, ever say her name again. Don't whisper it, don't mention her and don't you ever speak about her to anyone else. Because the next time you do-"

"Alright." She said stiffly and dropped her foot fast. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. Well, I knew you cared about her but…I'm sorry."

She fumbled back into her seat and composed herself. I was so bitter. Now that Sakura's name was said out loud…the painful cycle began again. I ordered another scotch and gulped it down followed by another.

"Enjoying the wedding?" Takashi said sliming up behind us with a crooked smile twisted on his face.

I groaned inside my head. Takashi was someone I began to grow extremely tired off. His pasty face had an amused and suspicious look about him. I always felt mixed emotions about Takashi. One of those is guilt for the obvious crime I committed against him. I would never forgive myself for killing Chiharu. At the same time, I felt uneasy around him, like he was up to something sketchy.

Neither of us said anything. In fact, Kayami became unusually quiet. When I glanced at her she had her hands folded onto her lap, her spine straightened and her head bowed so low I could only see the tip of her nose.

"Kayami-chan, looking lovely as usual." He commented.

Kayami stiffened. The atmosphere around the three of us changed very quickly and became frosty but I felt left out of the loop.

"Thank you." She said in a tight, restrained voice.

Takashi's hands rested on her shoulder and he said something inaudible which I chose to ignore anyway. Kayami's head nodded a few times. I sensed distress…or maybe I'm over-thinking it.

"I'll leave you two alone." He said with a weird smile.

Kayami didn't utter a syllable for ten minutes.

"I'm going home." She said suddenly and grabbed her purse.

"Wait." I called after her and she stopped in her tracks. "What was all that about, you and Takashi?" I asked curious.

She stiffened again and clutched a handful of her silk dress.

"I'm fine. I just…don't feel well."

"Fine, I'll go with you I'm done here anyway." I lied.

I could have drank all night but the truth is…I was kind of worried about Kayami. Kayami who was brave and flirtatious had seemed to be shook to the core by one brief conversation with Takashi.

X x x

We slid into the taxi unseen.

As we drove neither of us said a thing. Kayami kept her head down and embraced herself. I chose to ignore her simply because it wasn't any of my business until I heard a small sniffle.

I winced thinking it was in my head but when I heard it again I glanced sideways at Kayami. She was bawled over with her head in her knees.

"What are you…?"

She began to cry. Her face scrunched up in sadness, a look that was not pleasant on her face.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked after what seemed like a millennium.

The taxi driver paid no heed to the scenario. Kayami dabbed her eye and spluttered,

"I don't even know why I'm here." She said suddenly.

I was confused and had no idea where this was coming from. I only knew the smell of alcohol from her wasn't helping. I didn't reply because…well…I rather not make any move that would involve me getting actually 'emotionally' acquainted with her.

"I mean, my mom said I'd love it here, I'd get to do 'real' work and aunt Meiling would take care of me but…but she's done nothing for me except hand me a fucking gun! I'm no assassin. I can't do this!" She whimpered.

I got a major flashback to one of the first confrontations I had with Sakura. To the time where Sakura doubted herself and her abilities and how I coaxed her into being a killer, something I wish I never did.

The difference was, Sakura was Nadeshiko's daughter. I just knew Sakura would be undefeatable. Even without her mother, Sakura was destined to be great of her own accord. But Kayami, Kayami was no Sakura. She probably wouldn't last long. For that reason I said nothing. I didn't want to give her false hope. She wasn't a killer, just an amateur.

The taxi stopped off at her apartment.

"Look." I finally forced myself to say. "Li is a horrible place to be. I've been consumed in it for years now. But it's at its weakest now. Get out while you can. Our forces are too limited to care about where you go or even consider perusing you. There's no point in staying. Start again. You're smart, you'll make it somewhere."

She stared at me, calming down.

"No one's ever called me smart before." She said half blushing.

She stepped out but didn't close the door. She clutched her purse and looked at me with her mascara dripping eyes and said.

"Are you coming up?"

"Nope." I answered and looked away.

"Oh, ok." She said quietly and protested no more as she began walking to her apartment.

"You're harsh." The taxi driver suddenly spoke up with an amused grin hiding under his moustache.

"She's not my type." I muttered but kept watching her as she disappeared into the darkness of the alley.

"She's a pretty gal though. You don't find that much here in Tomoeda. Pretty girls are a rarity." He licked his lips as his eyes followed the red silky waves of her dress.

He didn't know what he was talking about. He obviously has never laid eyes on Sakura.

The proceeded to light up a cigar and turned his attention to my through the rear view mirror.

"So where you of to sonny?" He asked

I opened my mouth to answer but found myself unable to answer. Where do I go? Back to my apartment and into my cold bed where the silence maddened me into thoughts of her? Unable to sleep because my restless mind wouldn't allow me the privilege of a Sakura-less dream.

"Well m'boy, I think you should follow that lil lady. Kinda seems like you don't want to be left alone tonight."

"Shut up old man." I muttered as I stepped out to follow Kayami back to her place.

Me and my fucking guilt. If I let her go home crying I'd feel bad. Fanran would hear about it too of Kayami and then the anti-Syaoran club would increase its numbers.

X x x

When I woke up I felt groggy and uneasy.

My eyes muddled their way into sharpening the objects around me. The only thing I could see was a fluffy pink pillow which my head was leaning on. Some woman's jeans and…lacy purple underwear jutting out of a drawer.

I heard a door open behind me.

I bolted upright to my feet at lightning speed.

Kayami stood there in her short pyjama shorts and a tight tank top with her dishevelled bed-head hair. She held two mugs of coffee in her hands and yawned.

"I didn't know whether you like decaf or not so I made both so if you don't like it I'll drink-"

"What the hell happened last night?" I said surprised with the panic in my own voice.

She seemed taken aback and I realised I was tight against the wall as if I wanted to go through it. She raised an eyebrow.

This was terrible. Please, please tell me I didn't sleep with her. I couldn't even remember getting out of the taxi and following her.

"We didn't…did we?"

She tightened her grip around the two cups and locked her jaw.

"Would it disgust you so much if we did?" She said sourly without properly answering my question.

"Kayami." I said gritting my teeth, heart racing, guilt and shame rising.

"No, we didn't." She said slamming a cup onto the dresser.

"Then why were we in the same bed?" I asked frustratingly trying to remember what happened.

"I just love how you make me seem like the relentless seducing whore. Nothing happened ok!? You followed me here; we drank some more, a little too much. If you really want to know, in my drunken state I kissed you but you pushed me away so you can be happy with the fact that you're still honourably loyal to Sakura." She huffed and turned her hell into the bathroom.

"Still, how did I end up here?"

She pouted annoyed and said, "I went to sleep here, in _my _room and you came in here and passed out on the other side of the bed. I couldn't wake you. What was I supposed to do? Leave my own bed which is technically mine!? It's not fun only living here when you're not here! It sucks! And if you still don't believe me, look down; you're still in your clothes from last night aren't you?" She huffed genuinely annoyed. By which part she was most irritated by I don't know.

She was right. My heart rate settled.

"Anyway, I only kissed you because I was drunk and depressed. Don't get cocky or anything I would have kissed anyone who was near me." She puffed seemingly irritated.

"Syaoran!? Are you here?" Fanran said suddenly coming into the apartment.

She was at the door of Kayami's room in a second and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the two of us. Me, in my clothes from last night and Kayami in next to nothing.

Fanran's jaw dropped and she subtly said, "Did you two…?"

"No!" I barked which made Kayami's face look a little hurt. Not that I gave a shit.

Fanran still eyed us suspiciously before turning her attention to me.

"Go home and change your clothes. We have to leave for this mission asap, it's a long trip."

"Do you need me to do anything Fanran?" Kayami asked genuinely wanting to either help or prove her worth to Kayami.

Fanran's face was cold towards Kayami. "No." She said in a retrained voice and turned to me. "Hurry. There's warnings of a small scale earthquake tonight, I want to get there and go as soon as possible."

She left the room without glancing at Kayami. Maybe Fanran was being sisterly. I was rather disappointed Fanran thought I would attempt to get over Sakura by sleeping with Kayami.

I went to leave before Kayami called me again.

"Syaoran, thanks. You said a lot of nice things to me last night." She said.

"I did?" I couldn't imagine saying anything confidence boosting.

"Well, not directly. But I found something good through your vulgar explanations." She smiled and shuffled nervously on the spot.

I rolled my eyes. This girl….I couldn't figure her out. From her outrageous flirting to her breakdowns, she was more than what I needed.

"You also talked about her." She said quieter. "You seem to still be in a lot of pain."

"It's just drunk talk don't take me so fucking seriously. I'm not hurt or in pain so everybody just fuck off thinking they know me. I am fine and I don't need someone like you pitying me!"

"I-I'm not pitying you. I just-"

"Well don't. And don't worry about me coming back here. I don't want to be near anything that has to do with her. She is nothing to me anymore. We were done a long time ago so don't talk about her!" I barked and charged away from the room.

I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me, especially not Kayami. Anyway, who cares if I slept with Kayami? What does it have to do with Fanran? Or anyone!? I have nothing to do with Sakura anymore.

So what if Kayami's lips were on mine for a brief second? It meant nothing, so what if it turns my stomach to think that something intimate like that was shared with someone who wasn't Sakura. I shouldn't feel so….guilty or shameful over it. I didn't even do anything! She kissed me!

Why am I even defending my own case?

I'll never see her again, and that suits me fine… doesn't it…shouldn't it…?

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 15 and a Half Years Ago**

Yue stood watching Fuutie fumble with the gun.

His face was so full of depression I literally felt the air become colder around him. He leaned against the concrete wall and watched Fuutie hesitate to pull the trigger, only to shriek the gun fired and missed the target by an embarrassing amount.

"Your never glum Yue, I hope this won't last." I said in monotone.

He sighed loudly but didn't look at me. He was strangely angry at me for choosing to return to Clow. He didn't speak to me for a whole week and as punishment, brought several women home with him every night. Let's just say, the bed squeaks cause me many sleep-less nights.

"Don't try and humour me." He said bitterly.

"I wasn't. You don't perform well when you're angry."

He glared at me for a second but said nothing. Yue and I are honest with each other. There were no secrets or grudges; maybe that's why we actually get on well.

"You're still angry with me then?" I said raising an eyebrow.

He locked his jaw and tilted his head away from me.

"You're something else you know that? You go from working with Meiling, that evil cow, to being sold to Clow, merciless and power hungry, then offered a new life with no strings attached and what do you do? You come back. Yes, I'm angry to see you waste your life." He huffed.

"What do you care about what I do?" I snapped.

He looked at me with his pale grey eyes; angry for a second, then he sighed and looked back to Fuutie who was still struggling to hold the gun. I tensed; of course I never told Yue what happened that night, about Rhaya.

"So you and Clow talked I heard."

I nodded. Oh yes, we talked. Things will change around Clow. They will not be how they were in Li. I would not be simply a pawn to Clow like I was with Meiling.

"I also hear Fujitaka Kinomoto was murdered. What a coincidence it was on the same night you were meant to be leaving." He smirked, "Does revenge feel good?"

I didn't answer. I felt my stomach twist. No, it did not feel good. The events and knowledge I obtained prior to his murder overshadowed and deserved feelings of satisfaction or accomplishment.

Fuutie squealed and dropped the gun when it unexpectedly went off. Yue rubbed his forehead. He was very tired.

"This is a disaster. She will be dead in a week. I can't watch this. Kero is in bits. He's too close to her to watch her die. He'll end up dead trying to protect her.

"No, nobody will die." I said sternly.

Yue scoffed at my comment. "You think you can train her? Really, I love the kid but she's a disaster, there's no way she'll be a good assassin."

"You're right. That's because she won't be one."

Yue opened his mouth to speak but I brushed past him and down the concrete steps stopping in front of Fuutie. She widened her huge brown eyes and grinned, bowing a little.

"Sakura-sama! Have you come to train me?"

"No." I answered briefly and her smile vanished and she looked down at her feet.

"So you think I'm useless too huh?" She said scratching her head.

Fuutie's face reflected an innocence I haven't seen in a while. I've been thinking a lot…about Syaoran lately…about how he must have felt after he killed my mother…because I believed in some way, I went through the same. Maybe I was too harsh on him…

I had to make some redemption for myself. Starting with Fuutie, she would not die pointlessly. I would see to it that another life isn't meaninglessly ended when I could have done something about it.

"Give me your gun." I said commandingly and she handed it over immediately. "From now on, you work for me."

I could feel Yue's mouth drop behind me. "You will do as I say, report to me and only me. When I am not here you report to either Yue or Kero. I don't want to see you use a gun or take part in any mission I do not give you permission to do."

Fuutie stuttered and her hands delicately fluttered to her face.

"But Sakura-san, what do I do then?"

"You wanted to be my assistant. You can do errands for me. And one day I'll dismiss you, and you will leave Clow and never look back."

Fuutie gushed as tears formed in her eyes. She furiously wiped them away and slammed into me, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you Sakura-san, thank you…so much."

"Is the boss ok with this?" Yue asked from behind me.

"It has already been discussed and accepted." I said and pried Fuutie off me. Not because I did not like her, but I didn't feel like I deserved her thanks. I owed it to her, if I could save one life from the one I took away, would I feel any better?

"Go tell Kero kid." Yue said smiling.

You could tell he really cared for Fuutie. Fuutie dashed off with a weight lifter from her shoulders.

"We better go." I said sternly and brushed past him. "The shipment is coming in-"

Yue grabbed my elbow and kept me beside him. For a second too long his eyes stayed on mine and a strange smile I never saw before played on his lips, making me blush. His rough hands stayed lightly my skin in an unforceful way.

"What?" I said shrugging him off.

"Nothing." He said spaced out. "I…just knew…you're not a cold as you pretend to be. You saved Fuutie's life. You convinced the almighty Clow, who can be so heartless, to dismiss a future assassin under your care. You're quite amazing Sakura Kinomoto."

His fingertip had somehow made their way to the corner of my eyes almost touching my skin but…hovered just above it. What was with him? I hated when he was like that. I was nervous. Why was he being so nice to me?

I squinted.

Then, like breaking out of a trance, he dropped his hands and expertly lit up a cigarette and he blew a puff of smoke in my direction. I coughed as he walked away.

"I like a woman who's commanding. I wonder are you the same in bed?" He winked and looked me up and down. His normal demeanour returned to him and with it, his long string of sexual innuendos.

I had to blink; his personality change just there seemed to have been a figment of my imagination.

"You do know Syaoran is going to be there. Not to mention there's warnings of an earthquake, it might be an omen." He said raising an eyebrow almost amused.

"Of course I do." I said coldly. "That's why I'm going." I almost snickered with bitterness and fear.

I told myself I wanted this. I wanted to see Syaoran. I wanted to put this at rest. I wanted to…hear him again. I wanted to hear him while I have a new perspective. I want to…feel his touch. I want to tell him what I did yet….I don't…I don't want him to judge me. I just want him to…hold me.

I shook my head fiercely. No! No, I won't touch him. I just want more answers. Nothing else.

"Well then." He said putting out his cigarette. "Let's get moving."

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: The Next Day**

The docking station smelled of nasty seaweed and factory smoke.

I exhaled exhausted from the hours of waiting. The place was dead apart from the small numbers of Clow people forming. Fanran and I hid behind a red storage container with our backs pressed against its rusty surface.

"Stealing from another organization." She said. "How lousy. Our father would be so proud of us and the status of Li." She said oozing sarcasm.

I nodded and sighed.

"So…you and Kayami?" She said with her voice in distain.

"It wasn't how it looked. We didn't do anything." I said shivering at the thought of being with Kayami.

"Yeah well, look Syaoran everyone gets over a relationship in different ways. Just don't jump into something stupid or try and move on too quickly."

"Are you not listening to me?" I said getting annoyed. "There is nothing between Kayami and I."

Fanran remained silently suspicious and gave me a look that said_ 'whatever Syaoran, just watch it.'_

"You don't like her I gather." I said smirking. My sister was one to accept all people, even Rika but…she was suspicious of Kayami.

"It's not that I don't like her, I'm not even suggesting that she has ulterior motives or that she's planning anything. I actually do think she's a nice girl, a little naïve and unaware of her surroundings, maybe even a little simple."

I snorted thinking back to Tomoyo's wedding. Kayami was not simple minded then…she knew exactly what she was trying to do with me.

"So she's a little simple. She's no threat." I said crossing my arms unbothered by the situation.

"That's the thing, she's too naïve. People like that can cause the most harm. She can be easily mis-lead or talked into something stupid. Takashi's not shy of using that against her." She said twisting her lip in semi-disgust.

"What?" I said dropping my arms.

Fanran pursed her lips. "Really? You don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

"Well…" Fanran shuffled almost uncomfortable. "Let's just say Takashi…has taken advantage of Kayami's simple-ness."

I squinted not understanding where she was going with this. Then finally it clicked. That strange event at the wedding between Kayami and Takashi. The weird tension…

"Oh." I said feeling a little embarrassed that I didn't comprehend quicker. "So they're a couple now? Didn't look that way at the wedding"

Fanran shook her head and scratched her golden scalp. "Well…I have a theory that he's pressuring her. I mean at first Kayami said she liked him and that he was really kind to her and all this bullshit but then….well…she stopped talking about him. You know how much of a creep Takashi has become; maybe she's uncomfortable around him now."

I parted my lips and thought about that. There was a definite weird tension at the wedding. Was Takashi…forcing her? No, Kayami isn't a pushover I know that much anyway. She wouldn't make anyone do anything to her would she?

"Anyway Syaoran, You don't need to be getting involved with her or him. You and Takashi have enough of a bad history without you getting involved with-"

She broke off suddenly and bit her lip. Silence descended between us. I laughed to ease the atmosphere. I could tell she didn't know where her words were going.

"Without me getting between him and another woman." I finished for her light-heartedly.

Fanran frowned. "I'm just worried about you Syaoran. Please just stay away from Kayami. For all I know my theory could be wrong. She might just be tired of him or maybe they broke it off and things are still weird between them. She was probably just lonely. Maybe she still is. She's a big girl she'll solve her own problems." Fanran concluded in her sisterly-like way.

We heard someone suddenly shout orders.

Fanran and I whirled our heads around and caught view of incoming Clow members. Mr Tsukishiro was the first to emerge shouting orders to other men. He was accompanied by Yue who was in his black attire and his hair tied in a small ponytail.

Behind them stood a third person.

Sakura.

It was only when Fanran yanked me back by the collar did I realised my feet began to walk forward. She pushed me against the container with an incredulous look.

"Damn it Syaoran you cannot just waltz over in the middle of a mission just because you seen her! Keep it together or you'll blow this whole thing and get yourself killed."

I was too much in shock to react. I stood frozen with my mouth open. He face was so white, her hair rich with its colour and her eyes.

BANG!

We both ducked at the gunshot and the several others that came after it.

"Damn it!" Fanran exclaimed and glanced over her shoulder. "Fuck! We've been caught! Go for the shipment before they get to it! Now Syaoran!"

I charged past her and ignored every word she said. I stood in full view of the chaotic scene. Bullets exchanged forward and back and the place became a warzone.

Sakura stood there silently, her aura forbidding bullets from her path. Her face was expressionless but her eyes were so intensely fixed on me that I too felt as if the gunshots were something I was not a part of and therefore, could not be wounded.

Then, Sakura's face broke its enigmatic state as her lip curved upwards. Not in a smile, but a slight smirk which held some message I couldn't read. Calmly she turned around and began to walk down an alley I never even noticed. Her slow walk had no haste about it.

She was sending me a message, I was to follow her.

My feet ran at a pace I thought they couldn't reach Dodging bullets and unforgivable objects I didn't stop running until I disappeared into the alley with her…

X x x

**Woohoooo Chapter 30! Honestly thought I'd have gotten tired or given up at this stage so yay! Reviews are so encouraging thanks guys! :) **

**Anyways don't know how I'm playing the next chapter but hopefully will update soon! :) **

**Kayami is a bit of a complex character who has it baaaaad for Syaoran ;) I'll explain her in later chapters :P**

**Anyway, below is a snippet that begins the next chapter, enjoy!**

**R&R!**

**x x x**

**Sakura's POV**

That's right Syaoran…follow me.

I want you to come after me. I want us to temporarily disappear from the chaos.

The alley was dark and narrow and I could hear his approaching footsteps closing in on me. I glanced back and my heart fluttered a little to see his face panting with is desire to catch up with me. His feet kicked off the ground one after another, his amber eyes desperate to reach mine.

My heart pulsed a little harder. I wanted this didn't I? I wanted to be alone with him…You sole me off to Clow, now in the time I've been away; there are things I want to say.

The alley way came to a clearing. There was a bomb shelter in front of me with concrete steps guiding me downwards into it. I became consumed inside and stood waiting and waiting until I could hear his hot breath stop at the top of the steps.

One by one he descended downwards until he was out of sight from the above world.

When I turned and saw him my body went rigid. His face, I've never seen that expression before. It was so confused, upset and relieved at the same time. His broad chest rose up and down with heavy breathing. His hair was wild with rebellious strands of hair falling over his face.

So much to say to him….Where do I begin?

We stared at each other intensely until we could take it no more.

He was the first to open his mouth.

"Sakur-"

He was cut off suddenly by an overwhelming tremble. All the items on the shelves swayed and trembled until they fell from their occupied space. The walls cracked and made a horrendous sound as an ear-shattering boom from outside roared. My feet could not keep me upright. I staggered as did Syaoran. We fell and could not find our feet. It was as if a bomb went off underneath our feet.

I felt myself become enclosed in warmth. Syaoran held me tightly and threw me onto the floor using my body as a shield. His hand pushed my head down and wrapped it under his arm and we were tightly pressed to the ground.

The earth was merciless as the waves of destruction boomed in my ears. Then…it stopped.

Panting and shaking I looked up.

The earthquake had happened. The door in which we entered was blocked by rubble. Dust and ash misted everything else.

Sitting upright and still in Syaoran's arms, we looked at each other with the same thoughts…

We were trapped here, with no escape, together…

X x x


	31. Hate and Lust

**Sakura's POV: 15 and a Half Years Ago**

The shaking of the earth ceased and along with it came numbing silence.

I was so in shock of what happened that I didn't even realize that I was still enclosed in Syaoran's arms. I could feel his chest on my back breathing heavily.

Ash and dust puffed around the cold shelter, misting my surroundings.

I ripped away from Syaoran as if stung by his touch. My heart thumped in my ears as my eyes scanned the room to find no escape. We were alone, totally and completely alone.

I stood with my back to him, not able to face him. Whatever was going to be said, I couldn't run away from it now. My mind was so frenzied that I couldn't even begin to think about what I was supposed to say to him.

I looked around. Four walls cloaked us in darkness. The cold made its way into my bones and I shivered. My heart pulsed as my palms sweated. I couldn't help my body which began to numb. My feet rooted to the ground and for some reason I could not un-glue my arm from my side.

My heavy breathing intensified until I began to voice panicked gasps. Syaoran touched my shoulder sensing that something was seriously wrong with me.

"Sakura-"

"Don't touch me!" I barked and shrugged him off but not getting rid of this claustrophobic feeling inside me.

It was getting worse to the point I could not even breathe right.

Oh God….No.

This place, the dark walls, the almost undistinguishable blackness… it was like being locked up in the closet. But this was worse, this was so much worse. Because I knew nobody was coming for me. I was alone, my mother would never come for me.

I fell to my knees and clutched my chest.

Syaoran rushed to my side, but I didn't want him. I-I didn't know what I wanted. My hands clawed through my hair and I rocked back and forth.

"I have to get out. I can't stay here, I need to get out I can't breathe!" I whimpered as my stomach knotted in fear.

"It's ok." I felt his hands on both of my cheeks and I could barely make out his face.

His hands were warm and in my deluded state I saw them as a comfort.

"Just hang on ok? I'll find something."

I nodded as he left me. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breath. I heard him rummaging through some things, cursing a few times until I heard something click.

He returned to me and miraculously, placed a lantern in front of me. I grabbed it greedily and held it close to my body. I could see his face, see the dirt on the walls, see the cans of food on the shelves.

I was so frozen in relief that I didn't even say anything when Syaoran's arms surrounded me from behind. I felt his head sink into the back of my neck and a relieved sigh heat my shoulder.

I panicked.

"Just breathe. I know you have things to say. But take a minute."

I didn't reply. I just closed my eyes and leaned into the lantern.

Minutes, an hour, maybe more passed before I felt completely normal again. This felt so strange, to have him so close to me. Those hands that pushed me away from him were now holding me worried. It was like he knew exactly what was going through my head, like he too could feel the panic of the closet suffocating me.

I lifted the lantern and banged it beside me. He flinched backwards and jerked his head up. I kicked away from him and stood upright. I laughed a little as I dusted down my coat. I noticed then that my hands were shaking.

"Sakura are you ok-"

"I don't need anything from you!" I spat. "My plan wasn't supposed to turn out like this."

"What was meant to happen then?" He said.

Through the dim light his face was waiting for an answer. His deep amber eyes sparkled as if I was a new addition to a museum. It bothered me.

"Well…I didn't have a script. But you can understand why I might be bitter towards you." I said crossing my arms and glaring at him.

"I understand." He took a step forward only to stop when my hand shot out.

"Don't come closer."

He looked extremely hurt. I don't know what he was thinking. His eyes…they wanted me. After his last bitter words to me…his want for me was nearly pulling me forward.

Come to think of it, I didn't know what I myself was feeling. I didn't want to let my guard down around him. I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want him to see that I thought about him in any way. But at the same time. Even without a word said to each other, his arms around me were so comforting, like nothing in our past ever took place.

"You're still hurt." He said with his eyes saddening and looking away.

"I'm over it." I spat. "I hate you, but I'm not hurt." I lied straight through my teeth and feeling my chest tighten with the lies.

Syaoran ran a hand through his hair and blew hot air from his cheeks.

"Well, I am." He said, completely taking me off guard.

"What?" I said locking my jaw.

He smiled a small smile which made me so nervous. "I'm…still hurt over what's happened between us. It's…all my fault I know. I never wanted it to be like this. Well…the last words I said to you," He laughed awkwardly recalling his words on that bitter night. "I was trying to make you hate me because I thought it was for the best, for both of us."

His eyes flickered to mine which stunned me. I retreated back a step and looked away from him.

"Well, it worked Syaoran. I do hate you. How do I know you're not acting now?"

"You know Sakura. You know I never meant what I said back then. How can you even think I did? You know I didn't mean it."

"How! How Syaoran? How was I supposed to know!" I roared suddenly exploding. "How was I supposed to read you when you lied to me so many times before then!?" I balled my fists. I could feel the anger rage inside me. "You lied about everything" About Meiling, about my father, about my mother about everything that's happened! You kept me in the dark and lied to my face from the moment we first met so how can I tell when you're being honest? How can I trust one word that comes out of your mouth? Tell me! HOW!?" I screamed.

My voice echoed throughout our small confined area, multiplying the loudness of my voice.

Syaoran squared his shoulders; he was preparing for to take me on. I welcomed it.

"You don't think I hated lying to you? You don't think I don't suffer every day for what I did!? It kills me knowing what I did to you! You know I love you Sakura I wanted you to be safe!"

"Liar!" I protested and stabbed a finger at him. "You don't love me Syaoran you're just a liar and you manipulate everything! Why should I even care about what you think! You're nothing to me anymore! You are nothing!" I screamed and heard the harshness of my words.

They delivered a blow to Syaoran. I saw his whole body stiffen and his face harden.

"You don't mean that Sakura. I know you don't." He said trying to keep his voice calm but I could tell he was beginning to boil over.

"You don't get it Syaoran!" I choked. My voice began to break and I semi-keeling over. The stabbing pain in my chest was rising. "You ripped my heart out." I said feeling tears break the surface of my eyes.

No…I don't want to be weak. I don't want him to see me like this.

"I loved you once and you absolutely destroyed me. But I'm over you now and you're just a past mistake."

I hated what I was saying. I was forcing these words from my mouth. They tasted so nasty, so vile.

Syaoran ignored my past warning and walked in slow wide steps towards me. I retreated back with every step he took until my back slammed into the rubble behind me. He was coming closer. I embraced myself tightly and looked to my feet. I just didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see his eyes…

His hands grabbed my wrists and forced them by my side. I struggled but it was useless against his strength. I was too emotional to struggle successfully.

"You wanted me here." He said with his hands tightening around my wrists into an unbreakable bond. "You have me Sakura. We're not getting out of here anytime soon. Look at me!" He demanded in a voice that sent a shiver down my spine. "Look at me Sakura." He said.

With some fear I looked up. When my eyes caught his he would not let me wipe away the tears that flowed down my cheek. He was so close to me, so close I could smell his musky manly scent and feel his warmth radiate towards me.

"Why are you lying to me? Why not just be honest? Just tell the truth. What are you waiting for? It's just us. Nobody else, no interruptions. Why are you holding back? You said you hate me. Is that it? Have you dragged me here to tell me something I already know? Well!?" He said harshly.

His amber eyes blazed so much it hurt to look at him.

"Being honest?" I scoffed bitterly. "You can't talk about honestly Syaoran. You don't even know what it is!"

"Well I'm being honest now!" He said taking another small step towards me.

I could feel his chest against mine, his shoulders so desperately close to mine. His face looking down on me, demanding so much from me that I didn't want to say.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Fine!" I barked and pushed him away from me.

My wrists were raw red with his markings and they ached already.

"You want me to be honest?" I said roughly pushing him again. "Ok then. Yeah I'm still hurt. You've made me feel so low Syaoran! My father showed more mercy on me then you! I was so in love with you, so in love with you that I didn't even care about your past with Meiling, I didn't even care that you brought me to Li, took me out of my normal life and put me in the worst situations any girl should have to face. And when I found out you killed my mother I hated you like I've never hated anyone in my life! You touched me and fed me all those lies, you slept with me even though you knew what you did!" I gasped to catch my breath.

But I wasn't done yet.

"Even though I hated you that much Syaoran for taking all my family from me, I still despite my dignity, despite my pride and the debt I owe my mother, I still loved you! I don't know why and I don't know how but the thoughts of being completely without you still crush me. I tried to hate you and I tried to forget about you but I couldn't. I still wanted to be with you but then-"

I broke off. I clapped a hand over my mouth and felt the tears roll over my hand.

"Then you sold me off." I whispered hoarsely. "You said all those things to me. You told me our love was never real, that you never truly loved me and then…then you just gave me away. You didn't even look at me. You just let me go. You just…why? Why did you do that to me? How and you tell me you love me and do that to me?"

I couldn't handle this swelling in my chest anymore. The pain, the pain I've bottles up was spilling over. "You just let me go…like I was nothing."

I cried so hard. I felt like my guarded walls were crushing down and I was naked in front of him.

He parted his lips and reached out. I didn't flinch this time. I let his hand touch my shoulder. Seeing that I didn't protest her placed his hands on my shoulders.

"You were never, ever nothing to me Sakura. You were my everything. You still are. I don't know what I can do to convince you but, what I did…I wanted to protect you from the pain. All I do is hurt you Sakura. I can't seem to make you happy. I know now that I should have never let you leave but I was afraid of what I would do. I couldn't take it if I hurt you again. And Meiling…she would have come after you Sakura. She was never going to let us be happy. I couldn't risk your life because I was too selfish to sacrifice mine."

I sniffled.

"You shouldn't have let me go then. I didn't care what happened to me Syaoran. I wanted to be with you, no matter what. But you gave me away. You didn't even try and keep me. Even when I was in Clow, I tried to convince myself that I hated you. I tried to not think about you but in the end, I always did. I always thought about you Syaoran. Always."

"I know." He admitted. "I just keep making mistakes I guess."

His finger stroked my hair and we said nothing. The silence was a nice change from our screaming matches. His finger placed itself on my faint scar, and then his hands rested on my cheek. The warmth lulled me into resting my head against it.

How does he do this to me? How does he lure the anger out of me and brings my heart to its knees? I was so confused. Those feelings of hurt and pain were still there. In his eyes I could see the expression of detachment when he sold me off, I could see the desperate pleading for my forgiveness when I found out his sin against my mother, I could see the hurt, the pain, the misery.

But through all of that, I could see the amused glint in his eye when I picked up my first gun. The lingering soft gaze under the streetlights, the look of shock and happiness when he first kissed me, the look of passion when he made love to me…

All these things, these complicated things played like a movie in my head.

Then he smiled, my knees went weak with a familiar trembling. His forehead tipped softly of mine, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart raced, I knew what was coming, I could feel it, I could feel his lips yearning to part and press against mine.

My cheeks flushed red, my stomach released its butterflies when-

"I'm hungry." I suddenly said recoiling my body from his.

It was like being dumped back to reality, to the situation at hand. To the cold shelter, to just us.

I wiped my eyes furiously with the back of my sleeve and walked away from him to examine the food cans which had scattered onto the floor.

I rummaged around and didn't look back.

I can't believe what I just said, what was said. No, I will not let my guard down…maybe it was already down. Maybe it was crushed and broken like the rubble that blocked our escape.

I don't know what happens now. I don't know what to say. But having him so close to me...hearing him say he still loved me…well, it made my heart flutter untamed…

X x x

The room wasn't big enough for me to avoid him.

The tins of food would keep us going for a few days. But after that…who knows. The outside world doesn't even know we exist so what are the chances someone will actually come and find us?

I felt so…strange.

The things I wanted to say to him for so long were said. Though the words didn't come out exactly as I hoped they would, my outpour of emotions made me feel so…light. And all those things he said…did he truly love me still? The more I thought about it…the more I was becoming convinced.

But for some reason I was holding back. I couldn't completely relax. I wanted something, for him to say something or do something that would make me relax…but at the same time I wanted nothing to do with him. The other thing was…would we make it out alive? We could hear no sounds from the outside and the only air supply was the small plastic tube that stretched above the rubble. The only way out was death by starvation.

Syaoran scanned the room, pressing his hand against the walls of the darkness. His silhouette flickered when he passed the lighted candle. I fretted when he disappeared completely but felt wave after relieved wave when he came back into view. Then he froze when he appeared to find something in the darkness.

He grunted as he pulled something out. A hard dusty mattress slammed onto the floor beside me making me gasp and cough as dust particles shot up from it.

Syaoran looked down at it, as did I. He shrugged and I sighed.

"It's the best that's here." He commented.

"We're not going to make it out of here, are we?" I said with my back to him.

I heard him sigh and could feel him running a hand through his thick brown hair and lock his hard jaw.

"It's better to be optimistic." He said.

I threw my head into my hands and clutched my hair. It was surprisingly warm here and I suddenly realised I was fatigued after our argument. I fell over onto the mattress and shut my eyes. Was I going to die here, with him?...was that a bad thing?

Then I felt a sink in the mattress and when I looked over my shoulder I saw Syaoran's back. He unashamedly took off his shirt and for some reason I blushed when I saw his naked back. I bolted upright.

"What are you doing?" I said grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around me as if I were naked completely.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Really? It's not as if we haven't seen each other before." There was actually some humour in his voice. I couldn't believe he thought this was amusing or appropriate at all!

"Things are different now! You can't just do that! And besides, you can't sleep next to me!" I could feel my cheeks going red with embarrassment. Why was I embarrassed?

"Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"Not beside me!" I whinged.

My heart was racing. Seeing him there, as if we were back in Tomoeda in his apartment on a Sunday night kidding around while at the same time being desperately in love with him….

"Come on Sakura. We're trapped in a bomb shelter. It's not like anyone would see us anyway. Besides, I thought we were ok now? You got it all out of your system didn't you? I know I'm not completely forgiven but…"

I blinked twice. I was hard to argue when his hard abs and tones arms were radiating his sex appeal.

I shook my head again. Why am I thinking those things? I turned my back to him and tried to pull myself together. He was right wasn't he? If we slept in the same bed together it was nothing, right? Or should I do the sensible thing and stay away from him and cut our contact?

"You think I'll just fall for you all over again because we're in the same bed? I won't. Things won't ever be the same between us and I prefer it that way."

Then I felt a sudden warmness surround me. I gasped as his bare arms surrounded me. My body went completely rigid, stiff and paralysed with both fear and confusion. Then I felt his breath on my shoulder and he whispered into my ear.

"You were always a terrible liar." He said so…seductively.

A shiver fell down my spine causing Goosebumps to invade the surface of my arms. I was frozen not knowing what to say. I felt my face flush and his arms tightened around me.

So warm…he was so warm…

"I know you hate what I did but…do you really hate me? Can you say you've never thought of this moment? When we saw each other again, for me it was like no time had passed. I've missed you so much. For whatever time we have left together, I just want to be near you. Don't push me away."

His words made my chest tighten. I thought I was going to cry. His hot body pressed against my back and embraced me naturally as if I were simply made to fit into his arms.

This…I've wanted this for so long. I've secretly craved him around me.

"Fine!" I said scuttling away from him and looking over my shoulder into his amber eyes which were calling me. "You can sleep on the mattress. But nothing else."

I looked away and took off my coat, relieved at the cool air that calmed my burning cheeks.

Syaoran was smirking at me.

"What?" I said slightly irritated.

"Nothing." He said and winked at me.

My hands shook and I turned away just in time before I smiled and bit my lip like the child I was when we first met.

X x x

So warm...

Even though I stripped down to my tight black tank top and shorts the heat was overwhelming and most of it was radiating from Syaoran. He slept lightly beside me on the thin mattress but I stayed wide awake. I couldn't sleep knowing he was there. Knowing that we've been like this as lovers not so long ago.

I quietly looked over at him and saw to my surprise, he was awake.

"You can't sleep?" I whispered.

He shook his head. Were all these thoughts flying through his mind too?

I took in his appearance. He never ceased to take my breath away. My hands itched to feel his hair, run over his chest, have him…touch me...I gritted my teeth and cursed those thoughts that ran through my mind. I turned back onto my side away from him. I heard a light shuffling and then his burning skin press against my back and his and trap me in his, not too forceful, not too light either.

"Syaoran!" I began to protest.

"Just let me hold you." He breathed sleepily into my ear.

I bit my lip. He was burning me so intently that I couldn't concentrate on my own thoughts. It was just like how we were. Except I use to melt in his arms. Now, I was silently panicking against the feeling inside me that yearned for this.

His hand rested on my tummy and his thumb traced a line back and forth. Something he used to do except I doubt he noticed what he was doing. His light breathing in my ear, thumb stroking my flesh…he was driving me crazy!

Then from nowhere, I opened my mouth to speak.

"About what you said earlier." I said meekly. "You were right."

"About what part?"

"Well…Since we've…parted, I've thought of you a lot. Almost every day. I still….don't know how I feel about everything that's happened but, I don't hate you. What you did makes it harder to move on but, I want to. I feel as if I…understand what you went through better."

He raised an eyebrow.

"How?"

"I just do." I said suddenly realizing I nearly told him what happened with my father and the girl called Rhaya. I couldn't…I was too ashamed of it. Ashamed of my greed and lust for revenge that caused the life of somebody innocent.

"But…Being here with you…I don't feel so…dead inside." I couldn't believe I was telling him these inner thoughts. I swore to myself I'd never be weak in front of him again, and here we were. "I feel like…its right. But I don't want it to be right at the same time."

When I looked at him there was no judgment. He was his ever accepting self. My…Syaoran, my Syaoran whom I've wanted for so long. And here he was…wanting to love me. Here I was wanting him but punishing myself. I don't deserve to feel any sense of happiness…

His finger touched my cheek in the loving way only he could do.

"You were always the most complex person I knew, yet I feel like I know everything about you. Why are you punishing yourself? Why won't you let yourself be happy Sakura? I love you, that will never change. Do you love me?"

I stuttered. Such a direct question like that threw me off completely. He wanted an answer. He wanted something that direct from me…

"Yes." I finally answered which made me choke.

He smiled and I saw such a wave of happiness crash over his brooding eyes that I too felt it.

There it was. The reuniting and realisation of two lovers.

Yes, I loved him, I still I loved him; I never stopped loving him…

His lips pressed down hard on mine. It was so sweet, so familiar that if my heart could scream it would not stop. He rolled over and pressed me to the mattress as the kiss deepened. I felt him grind me to the mattress. The warmth that radiated from him burned me with passion. His lips were so hungry for mine as mine were for his.

My hands fiercely ran through his hair and down his back. My fingers found sheer joy as they played with the nape of his neck. One groan from his mouth and the atmosphere changed from sweet affection to burning passion. My legs wrapped around his waist which sent a thrill through my body. His tongue re-explored my mouth as more flesh pressed against flesh.

All sensible thoughts became muddled from my mind as all I could focus on was him and his body.

His hands glided over my breasts and I moaned his name during deep kisses. I didn't protest when he pulled my shorts down. I practically ripped his shirt off hungrily. His lips fell to my neck, making me roll my eyes in arousal. His hips began to slowly and rhythmically buck between my legs, the thin layers of clothing were all that separated the love making act.

Dizzy and hazy he rolled my top over my head and trailed his kisses down to my brests. His fingers made their way to my entrance.

"Syaoran..." I breathed heavily with the bolt of pleasure that shot through me.

His fingers moved slowly as he began leaving his love bites on my neck, claiming me as his with his mark once again. I lolled my head back as he added another finger and picked up the pace.

"Ah…Syaoran….uh…" I moaned and flopped onto the dirty mattress.

His hands roamed my body and I was in heaven until the side of me that afraid of what was happening, the side to me that wouldn't let go of the past was stopping me from the passion I wanted to express.

"Syaoran wait." I said sitting up and pushing his hand away. "I-"

He ceased my protesting by pushing me roughly back onto the mattress. He slammed a hand each beside side of my face and caged my under his body. I got a thrill out of this. He's never been so hungry for me. He's never been so forceful. He shunned my ability to speak by not leaving my lips and pressing himself against me.

He wanted me so bad. He was forceful even when I struggled against him. He unclipped my bra and touched me everywhere until I gave up and succumbed to his forcefulness. I wanted to.

When he entered me we both yelled with the shot of pleasure neither of us felt in so long. Then his hips bucked against me and the feeling was overwhelming.

"Sakura…" He groaned while bucking his hips against me driving deeper. "Oh fuck…"

Faster and faster he thrust into me. Neither of us felt ashamed to scream. It felt so good to be this passionate with him. Our love and passion was not like anyone else's. We belonged together.

The mattress squeaked unable to withstand our wild love-making until finally, we climaxed.

He fell on top of me, the sweat of his body rubbing against mine and his heavy breathing in my ear. I was raw but at the same time so satisfied. Not just from the sex, but we connected more than any words that were exchanged.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn't want him to leave me. I wanted to feel his body against mine for as long as I could.

"I love you Syaoran." I whispered and closed my eyes secretly thinking that if no one came for us...it wouldn't be such a bad thing…

X x x


	32. The Cold Light of Day

**Sakura's POV: **

"What happens now?" I finally asked after sweet moments of silence faded and were filled with anxiety.

He blinked twice and sighed, his chest rising and falling before he deliberated.

"What do you want to happen?" He asked.

I bit my lip, I didn't expect him to be so…held back. The Syaoran I knew almost would make the decision for me but his however, I was given the option. But I was afraid to answer. I knew what would happen in the slim chance that we would survive and escape here…reality.

Clow, in Yue's words, was ruthless. There was no way he'd let me leave so easily. I have seen first-hand the lengths he goes to drag an escapee. His seemingly calm demeanour was beginning to crack in front of me, and through those cracks I could see his real self…it disturbed me.

"I want…to be with you." I whispered.

I was becoming use to this openness with him. It was as if I was thrown back in time where none of our troubled history could intervene, but it did.

"But…" I choked out and sat up clutching the covers to my chest and tried not to cry.

"Sakura what's wrong?" He said and I hated the worry in his voice.

My shoulders shook. No…I couldn't tell him directly, but I could do it another way.

"Syaoran," I choked, "I did something…terrible. Something really bad. A mistake." Flashing images of my father and the girl named Rhaya in his arms shot through my mind. "But I can't tell you because…I'm ashamed. But…I think I actually know what you were thinking when you had to kill my mother. I…I want to be with you but, I don't deserve any happiness."

My own words hurt because they were true. I made a vow to myself never to look for happiness. I didn't deserve the feeling I felt when I was with Syaoran but…they felt so good. Could I really go on knowing what I did?

"Sakura…" He said embracing me and kissing my shoulders. "Stop punishing yourself." He said half-sternly. "What we have…it would kill us both to be without." He said and for the first time I heard Syaoran sound so positive.

"So just be with me. I won't go back to Li, you won't go back to Clow. We'll just run. We'll start again somewhere else."

"How?" I said pulling slightly away and looking at him. "Syaoran, there's nowhere we can go where they won't find us. Even if we could, we have nowhere to go. No passports, we can't even get out of the country without Meiling or Clow-"

"Sakura." He butted in getting probably agitated with constant resistance. "Don't decide now then, but I know that we can be happy." He said and kissed my forehead.

I leaned my forehead into his chest and closed my eye.

I didn't want to think about what would happen. Whether we would die here or if there was an escape, whether we'd be together…

It was a nice thought…unrealistic…but a nice thought nevertheless…

X x x

We were trapped for a further three days. The last of the food, gone. Fatigue and fear began to close in. But there were sweet moments when we talked and make love but we couldn't overshadow the fact that we may very well die here.

Dying here with him…was it the better way to die?

Then, at some point during the fourth day, I thought I imagined voices. I sat up and spun my head from wall to wall. The voices were faint and muffled but it was when I heard the mighty thud and something shake that I knew something was indeed happening outside.

"Syaoran?" I said whirling my head towards him.

In the darkness I made out his body tensed with confusion. Another thud and a piercing ray of light from the outside world shot through the cracks of rubble. Syaoran and I shielded our eyes from the blinding light until the voices became louder.

"Anyone in there?" I heard a voice that was shockingly familiar.

"Yue?" I asked too quietly for even Syaoran to hear me.

Syaoran and I were stunned to silence. Somebody actually came back for us?

Syaoran grabbed my wrist and tugged me towards the light. I followed as if I forgot the use of my legs and stumbled across rocks and the rubble until the ground became flat and even. Neither of us could fully see until eventually we got use to the strangeness of the light.

The first sight I saw was Yue.

He stood in his six foot frame chewing on a cigarette with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Well, well, I'm surprised to see the two of you still alive. I thought one would have killed the other by now."

His eyes landed on me with a look of almost disappointment. My chest tightened. I was semi-ashamed of the events that took place in the shelter. Last time I spoke to Yue I vented my hatred of anger towards Syaoran. But at the same time, Yue told me to speak to Syaoran. Yue tilted his head to the side and lit his cigarette, not taking his eyes of us.

Beside me, Syaoran tensed up. He always had a strange hatred for Yue. Maybe it was because in a way they were alike in skill but so different in personalities.

"Clow's waiting back in Shanghai for you. It's best not to keep him waiting." Yue said and turned to walk away signalling me to follow.

I don't know what possessed me but I slumped my head down and took a step forwards before Syaoran's and clamped down onto my wrist and pulled me back.

"She's not going with you." Syaoran said dangerously that stopped Yue mid-step.

Yue's eyes slanted as he turned his face over his shoulder. The greyness in his eyes was dark and murky. Then he plucked the cigarette out of his mouth and smirked as smoke escaped his mouth.

"Oh, I see." Then he laughed. "You two got pretty cosy in there is that it?" He chuckled darkly. "So does this mean the love birds are back on?" He took a threatening step towards Syaoran.

Syaoran matched him up. "She's not going back with you." He repeated in a voice that was so restrained I thought he'd hit Yue any moment.

His grip on my wrist was almost cutting the circulation in my hands. I looked up at the two. Syaoran's face was rough after spending the past few nights in the shelter Dirt patched were on his face with added the edginess he was portraying.

Why did Yue even care that much about me to try and match up to Syaoran? What did it matter to him whether or not I survived or went back to Clow? Why was he trying to fight for me to go back with him?

"Sakura?" Yue asked averting his attention to me.

"You don't need to ask her." Syaoran snapped.

"Why? After all this time do you speak for her now? Does Sakura not have a voice now?" Yue said really irritated and ready for a full on fight with Syaoran.

"She doesn't have to explain herself to you she's leaving with me so you can tell Clow she won't be returning."

Syaoran's hands were shaking with anger and it was about to boil over soon. His amber eyes blazed in comparison to Yue's which in a second changed from the dark greyness to slightly amused.

"I'm afraid it's not that easy." Yue snickered. "You can't just leave Clow." Then he laughed as if the thought was pure ridiculous. "Isn't that right Sakura? You swore an oath to him. You know as well as I do, you don't break an oath to Clow, unless you want to die. You can run but you know as well as I do, I'm very good at finding people." Then Yue winked at me which sent Syaoran over the edge.

Syaoran threw himself at Yue delivering a hard punch which Yue returned. I tried to intervene but they were consumed in killing each other that I made no difference. Syaoran received the most damage; he was too tired and weak from spending days in the shelter and eating the bare minimum.

Only when I heard a gunshot did we all come to a standstill. Syaoran fell to his knees and clutched his leg which pumped blood.

"Yue stop!" I screamed and slammed into him throwing his gun away from Syaoran's direction.

"Always playing dirty Yue." Syaoran spat and winced with the pain he was feeling.

"Yue stop! I'll go with you. Just don't shoot him." I begged.

Yue relaxed and a second later grabbed me by the forearm and dragged me away as if hating me being near Syaoran.

"Sakura wait-" Syaoran begged. I could hear the absolute hurt in his voice, the utter devastation that tore through him. After all we went through in those short days, the wound was beginning to heal but my actions were ripping it open again.

I hated this; I hated seeing him like this. The hurt and pain and his eyes was crushing me but…Yue was right. We couldn't be together. It would only end in our death. I didn't want him to die because of me but yet I wanted it.

But with Yue threatening to kill him there and then I hadn't much of a choice.

"Don't worry; I gave your sister a little phone call." Yue snarled. "Try not to bleed to death until she gets here." Yue's voice was full of disdain and hate.

"I'm sorry." I mouthed to Syaoran and tried not to well up at his destroyed face.

He was too shocked to speak and I was too shocked to think.

Yue dragged me across the city, past narrow alleys and through traffic until we came to a train station. He yelled at me the whole way with bitter words outlining my utter stupidity. He scowled and didn't let go of my wrist once. Like a rag doll I dragged my feet along feeling emotionally raw.

What did I just do? It was the right decision wasn't it? I had to leave him…to save him…and to redeem myself.

"Are you even listening?" Yue barked not shy of attracting attention outside of us.

I looked up at him and bit my lip feeling my eyes water up.

He did the most unexpected thing. His hand slapped down hard on my cheek almost knocking me completely unconscious. His eyes glared down at me. This was a completely different Yue than the one I was used to. I stared up at him in shock. What was making him this way? Why the sudden change?

Before I could even ask he grabbed my arm again and pulled me in close to him.

"I hate you like this." He spat. "You see what he's done to you in four days? Look at you. You're weak, crying." He said as if it were a foul display of human emotion. "Before you went back to him I admired you. Now you're a mess. Pull it together." He released me and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the barrier waiting for the train.

I was speechless. Even a little…shaken.

"We can't miss our flight." He mumbled. "Clow is already pissed off enough putting himself on the line getting us back unseen and without suspicion." He muttered.

I knitted my eyebrows together.

"You mean…he didn't want you to come find me?" I asked rubbing my wrist.

Yue averted his eyes and didn't answer me.

"Yue, did you ask to come back for me?"

"I took a chance." He muttered a little embarrassed.

I didn't understand. Why would Yue go against his boss to come back for me?

"You're lucky I did. If it weren't for me you'd have died in there. What the fuck were you thinking? Going there alone and abandoning the mission? You could have gotten hurt, you could have died!" He said clenching his fists. "And for what?" He said. "For him? For Syaoran Li who killed your mother, who lied to you and made you cry pointlessly? Are you glad you did it? Well?"

"You're the one who told me to talk to him Yue I only followed your advice!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't always trust what I say!" He said with him temper flaring again. "Besides, I didn't think you and him would…I thought…" He trailed off not knowing what or how to finish that sentence.

At that moment I became awkward around him. I rubbed my arms. I was still groggy and in the same clothes I have been in for days.

"Did you two fuck of something?" He said through his teeth not looking at me.

I locked my jaw and looked away. I heard him snort in disgust. What was with him?

"Well, was he worth it? Was he worth all the crying?"

"…Yeah."

Yue baffled at the stupid grin on my face. I felt myself blush. I bit my lip so hard. Was Syaoran still there? Was he still baffled to my selfish act? I was beginning to think he was right; maybe I should forgive myself a little.

"What do you mean 'yeah'? Are you fucking serious? He was worth all he put you through."

I pressed my hands against my cheeks and looked down. What was I trying to say?

"Yeah…I thought that when I did eventually see him, I would know what to say, I would say it all and be done with it…with him but…I couldn't. Those days with him were…the happiest I've been in a while…" I breathed and ran a hand through my hair.

What was I doing? What am I doing here trying to go back to Shanghai to my pointless life of killing and punishment? Syaoran loves me. He wants to be with me…He wants to try.

Why was that so bad? Why was I punishing the only shred of happiness in my life? I-I love Syaoran…is that not reason enough to be with him? I shouldn't let a barrier stop me? Isn't that what my mother would have wanted…? Yes, Clow may hunt me, but what was the other option? Eventual death during a mission, wondering 'what if?'

"I've made a mistake." I whispered with slight panic that drew Yue's attention.

"What?"

"I-I made a mistake. I don't want to go back to China, I want to stay here, I want to be with him. I-I…I have to go back."

I began to dash away when Yue's hand grabbed my arm ferociously and reeled me back. His eyes pierced mine with a new raw emotion that was almost like disappointment and anger mixed in.

"You do realise it's pointless. As long as Clow is alive he will hunt you down. I'll find you Sakura, don't make me do that."

I stared back at him. "You wouldn't kill me Yue."

"Maybe not, but I wouldn't think twice before killing him."

I locked my jaw. "You'll have to go through me then." I shrugged him off feeling hurt by his harshness and the dark colour of his words.

"Sakura…" He called out. "If you leave now that's it, you're stranded here in Japan. I won't come back for you." He said clenching his wrists.

He was trying to sound threatening but I couldn't help but to pick up on the concern in his voice. Why did he care so much?

"You have no money, no food, no family, nothing. All for him? You have nothing Sakura, nothing. Are you sure you want to do this?"

The silence between us was tense but when I opened my mouth to speak I confirmed my state of mind.

"I'll survive." I said and turned and ran fast away from him.

Through the narrow streets and wide lanes of traffic I dashed as fast as I could praying with my heart that Syaoran was still there. That he hadn't left. I saw myself holding him tightly and whispering that everything I said was a lie. Of course I wanted to be with him. I'd tell him what happened with my father, it would all be alright again. He'd make it that way.

My legs were so weak, my head so dizzy that the ground beneath my feet blurred. Finally I emerged onto the port where I left Syaoran.

Only this time…there was no Syaoran. There was nothing but blood on the ripped up ground where he was shot. All other signs of life were gone.

I slumped to my knees and felt a huge weight crash onto my shoulders.

He was gone…and he thinks I don't want him. He thinks I chose Clow over him…

Now I was trapped in Japan with no money, not even an ID, passport, money or a phone. Who could I go to?

I had nobody…alone by my own stupid decision.

I had to find Syaoran. I had to tell him…I had to find him no matter what…

X x x

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

I felt my hands begin to sweat as we approached the place that was once my dear home.

Syaoran passed no comment when we pulled through the small green pained gates and down the narrow driveway. My stomach released a few panicked butterflies and I munched on my lip.

I never thought I'd see the valley again.

The sleepy valley that was untroubled by horrific events that were taking place right now in Tomoeda. I once was so desperate to leave the valley and immerse myself into a more modern society. I wanted to shed innocence of the life Tomoyo raised me in. Now, the sight of dark green hills and willow trees whooshing lazily made me feel safer than I've felt in a long time.

However, it was a false sense of security. Nowhere was safe since I was thrown into my father's life.

Syaoran killed the engine and signalled without words for me to stay in the car. He got out and approached the house as if approaching somewhere dangerous and not the home which I grew up in, the place that housed my childhood memories.

He re-emerged a few minutes later and nodded, telling me there was nobody inside, for once, danger was eliminated.

Syaoran inspected the rooms, smirking to himself as he looked at pictures of me from my younger years. My pudgy cheeks when I was a mere toddler and other significant things he was not present for.

"It's a nice place." He said smiling as he settled into the chair which had a view of the broken window which still was not repaired since the day Tomoyo took me away on my fourteenth birthday.

I fell into the seat beside him and looked out onto dancing blossom trees uncaring of the tragedies that were happening in the grimmer world. This place for now was a safe house for me. But whether Syaoran would stay or not I didn't know. All I knew was that I'd fight to make him stay here rather than go back to the chaos in Tomoeda.

I sighed, only four more days until Clow strikes.

"Yeah," I agreed. "It's weird without Tomoyo though." I said with my voice dropping and my whole mood rapidly plummeting with the thoughts.

Syaoran threw his arm around me and pulled me in to offer fatherly comfort. He relaxed and patted my head in attempts to fend off my negative thoughts. But nothing he could do would stop my mind from going to dark places.

This house, the walls, the furniture, even the earth it sat upon seemed to be mourning the loss of Tomoyo. The light violet collared walls were sucked of the joy they once had. Dust collected on the furniture, plants and flowers that were once so expertly taken cared off now dropped downwards in their neglected state as if trying to join Tomoyo in the earth.

This place was not my home anymore. I wouldn't hear Tomoyo sing her ridiculously catchy songs that would wake me up in mornings, there would be no lush smell of her cooking throughout the house, I'd never see her bent over the flowers working outside and she'd never hold me in her arms and tell me that no matter what, she loved me more than anything, I was all she ever wanted and that I'd always be her princess.

This place was not just where Tomoyo lived, this place _was_ Tomoyo.

And now she's dead because of me.

Syaoran let me cry and sniffle into his shoulder. I don't remember drifting off into sleep. But I remembered Syaoran humming something lowly and stroking my hair. Home was not just a house with four walls or a pretty garden. Home was with the people you loved. Syaoran was my family now, he was all I had. My home would now be wherever Syaoran was.

Tomoyo never told me who I truly was.

But now I knew I was a Li, my home was with my father now.

All we needed now was my mother…

X x x

**Sakura's POV:**

It's been two months since Syaoran and I left the bomb shelter.

And I'm still alone. In the middle of Japan with no money, barely getting by. Tomoeda was too far to walk, too expensive to pay for a train. I prayed I'd find him, I was desperate to get back to Tomoeda, yet, I'd be killed if caught by any member of Li…

Syaoran…I have to find you.

Not just because I'm alone, not just because I'm afraid.

Because I'm alone, and afraid, and carrying your child…

X x x

**Not my most eventful chapter but hopefully more exciting posts in the future!**

**R&R!**


	33. Sins of Envy

**Aaaaannnnnnnddddd I'm back!**

**Hope you had a good valentines day! (it sucked for me!) **

**Tomoyo's POV: 15 Years, 5 Months Ago**

In the darkness I sat at my vanity table, afraid.

My whole body tensed and my chest tightened into a familiar knot. Downstairs I could hear him, staggering over furniture against walls in attempt to navigate his inebriated state.

I placed my powder brush back onto the table and breather sharply through my nose. I waited for the cluster of noises down stairs to cease. Looking into the mirror I grimaced at my reflection. No amount of make-up can cover a look of unhappiness.

I could hear him now, taking on the stairs one challenging step at a time, crawling closer to me with intentions that I didn't want to think of. When I heard reach the last step he grunted and heaved.

Right now I knew he was trying to see through his hazy vision to locate my room.

I swiped up my wedding band which had been placed on the dresser and placed it on my finger. It gleamed mockingly knowing it didn't fit on my finger.

Then, like a wild animal incapable of decency, Hang Keiji, my husband, thrust the door open. The door slammed against the wall and back. He threw a hand over it to prevent it from closing. His eyes were blood shot and insane.

He was drunk again.

His eyes fell onto me. He eyed my blue silk nightgown with satisfaction and I suddenly felt very exposed. Even though the nightgown covered my entire body, he had a way of making me feel naked and dirty.

"Hello, wifey." He purred as he hung from my doorframe. "Did you miss your husband?"

I locked my jaw and didn't answer. I haven't seen Hang in three days since he went on a yacht trip with his friends. The peace was so soothing. And now he was back, and as drunk as I've ever seen him.

He half smiled as he stumbled into my room.

"This is my room Hang. If you wish to sleep, go to your room." I said trying to keep my voice even and not show I was afraid of him.

Hang smirked again. "See, that's what I want to talk about." He threw a bottle of beer at the wardrobe and I jumped with fright, heart racing.

"Do you wanna know why I call ye wifey?" He slurred and fell to his knees beside me with that crazy look in his eye.

When I didn't answer he continued. "Because, you're my wife…-ey." He wheezed with laughter as he held up his hand with his wedding band . "But no matter how many times I call you that, you don't seem to do much wifey things." His mood became sour suddenly.

"Who wants a wife who sleeps in a different room? Who wants a wife who doesn't try and pretty herself up for her husband? Who the hell wants a wife he can't fuck!" He roared and grabbed my arm.

He tugged me ferociously. He wouldn't let go no matter how much I tried to push him. "Not really fond of me Tomoyo are you!? The only kiss we've shared was the one at our wedding! We haven't even done the final act have we? Why is that? Do you still think of him? Is that it?"

He threw me onto the bed and before I could protest anymore he fell onto me.

I wailed so loud but knew in my heart no one could hear me. Eriol would not come running through my door. I had no saviour anymore. So instead of fighting Hang, I succumbed to numbness, shut my eyes and prayed it would be over soon. His violation of me tonight would satisfy him before he could came back for me another day.

This was my life, my married life to a man who was not a gentleman like my father said to me…

_BANG_

I screamed as Hang's body slumped onto me in a weight I could not push off. Then I felt the cool trickle of blood against my collar bone. Panic and fear coursed through me as I slid from underneath him and onto the ground clutching my chest like I was trapped under water and could finally breathe.

I swirled my head to the door to see my saviour.

"S-Syaoran?" I said wincing and retreating back.

Syaoran stood very still with the gun smoking in his hands. Only for the brown tips of his hair did I recognize him. He stepped towards me, each one of his steps sounded like a body thumping onto the floor. My own heart quickened. Something was wrong with Syaoran.

I looked over to Hang Keiji, who did not stir. Syaoran now stood before me so intimidatingly. There was a dead, cold look in his eyes I've never seen before. All the fire that was once in his eyes had diminished and left behind a bleak place.

I thought I was next. Was Syaoran going to kill me next?

Then, unexpectedly, he slumped to his knees. With his face so close to mine, I saw the shiny tears in his eyes. His lip quivered, his whole face completely distraught.

His gun slipped out of his hands and landed with a hard thus against the cold wooden floor.

His lips parted, when he spoke, his voice was utterly distraught. "I lost her again, Tomoyo." He said choking on his last words. "I couldn't make her stay. She's gone again Tomoyo. S-She..S-she.."

He collapsed into tears. I caught him and held him against me with complete shock on his face. His head lolled on my shoulder as he wept loudly and was inconsolable.

"…Who Syaoran?" It was a stupid question but…I was so distraught myself.

One minute my husband was trying to rape me, the next, he was dead on top of me.

"Sakura…" He said through tears. "I've lost her again. She chose him, she chose to go back. I was so close Tomoyo, we were so close…now, I lost her."

This was probably the first time Syaoran has ever cried. He couldn't stop. I had to use so much of my strength to keep him upright as he could find no power to keep himself up. Every whim in his body shut down. His shoulders shook with such distraught. He wasn't drunk, this was raw emotion. This was Syaoran letting go of all his pride, his walls had fallen down, leaving behind a broken man. This Syaoran that wept in my arms, was a shadow of the man he was…all for love.

"Oh Syaoran…" I breathed and wrapped my arms around his neck and rocked him back and forth.

I could feel his torn heart bleed. Syaoran was in unbearable pain. Finding his love again, and losing her for a second time….it was soul-breaking.

On and on he wept, but still I held Syaoran knowing that if I let go, he would completely crumble.

X x x

"So what now?" I asked him as I shoved the last of my clothing into a suitcase.

Syaoran unfolded his arms and sighed with a crease in his forehead. He had told me what happened in the shelter, the feelings that were said, the hurt, pain, and the confession of love, only for Sakura not to follow him.

I tried to reassure him that maybe Sakura saw no other option. With Yue pointing a gun to Syaoran, Sakura's actions were to protect him were they not?

Syaoran was not convinced of this though. I could see the hurt in his eyes. Even I questioned it. Sakura could have talked Yue out of it couldn't he? She could have stopped him, she was just as trained as Yue. I can't judge, I wasn't there…

Since my ex-husband's body has 'mysteriously' disappeared. I was now a widow, with no husband or support. Although it happened two months ago, I insisted to his family and his security that he never came home and that he never even told me where he was going to. Of course major questions were raised. And the longer they went unanswered, the more dangerous my silence was becoming.

As awful as it sounds, without Syaoran's actions…who knows where I would be. I don't mean that he should have killed him but…Syaoran saved me from complete misery.

"It appears Meiling has completely abandoned you." Syaoran said. "My sister told me there was an attack made against your father. It can only be Meiling. She's turned against your parents trust. Which means, you're not safe either. With Hang Keiji dead, or 'missing', his men will turn on you soon. You need to leave Tomoeda immediately and never come back. If I know Meiling, and I do, you will be a target."

I nodded understandingly.

"Where will I go?"

"Anywhere, just out of Meiling's reach. I'll give you money, is there a place you can go?"

I pondered for a moment. One place stood out for me in particular.

"My grandmother had a house in the east. In a small valley outside the major cities. It's quiet enough, half a day's journey by train."

He nodded. "Perfect, take your stuff and go there. I'll take your to the train station." He said grabbing my bags and hastily moving.

When we arrived at the station I felt my stomach drop. This was all happening so fast. I didn't even tell my parents, yet…did they care? Did I want them knowing? No, there was nothing for me in Tomoeda anymore, not since Eriol left.

"Here." Syaoran said handing me train tickets. "You'll have to crossover in Dayaki." He said taking my hands and pulling me towards the train.

He would have pushed me one it had I not turned around and threw my arms around his neck.

"Thank you Syaoran." I said feeling my voice shake. "You've always been good to me. And though Eriol never says it, you were his best friend. Thank you Syaoran." I kissed the side of his cheek and he hugged me tightly.

"Don't look back Tomoyo. Never look back on this place. There's nothing here anymore."

I nodded but before I could disappear completely I felt compelled to say, "She'll come back to you Syaoran. One way or another. No matter how much time it takes, you and Sakura are meant to be. Fate will bring you back together in the strangest of ways."

Syaoran's face bore an expression or weariness and anxiety but I knew he wanted to believe it. It was not the end of Syaoran and Sakura, just like I believed it was not the end of Eriol and I.

Syaoran stood on the platform as the train began to take speed and rush me away from the city I've known all my life. As that happened I swore to myself to never, ever return.

X x x

**Sakura's POV: 15 Years, 5 Months ago**

I was numb.

The hot air blew against my cheek and whooshing some hair from my face to reveal my grim face. All around me people buzzed zipping through the crowded train station unconcerned about my state.

For two months I've been just about surviving. Stealing money, threatening and resorting to assassins tactics just to last. Many times I've attempted to enter Tomoeda but the risks were too high. I've tethered around the cities perimeter but have backed out of cowardice.

Not just because Meiling's cronies would kill me on site, but I had a mental block. If I did indeed make it to Syaoran by some miracle, what would he even say? Would he …want this baby? What can two assassins do with the innocence of a child? Did I even want this baby?

I groaned silently and pinched my temples. I am tired now. I've hit a wall. No money, no feed, no Syaoran. There was no way back to China.

Alone, in Dayaki, and with child.

There was no way out of this except if a miracle happened.

"Sakura?"

I thought I imagined it, that by some last attempt of desperation my brain was deceiving me. But…when I lifted my head from my hands, like an angel sent to relieve me of loneliness and pain. Tomoyo Daidouji stood in front of me with her soft pink lips parted.

Her face was in shock as if I was the last person she expected in Dayaki Train station. She blinked twice before concluding that it was indeed, me. My face broke into a wide smile as I simultaneously burst into tears. With her lavender hair cascading down her back, the white glow of her porcelain skin she looked like an angel.

But I was too weak throw my arms around her, too weak laugh out of pure joys, all I could do was cry and thank God she was here.

"Sakura, how- what-"

Then the last of my strength seemed to drain from my body and leave me too weak to sit upright. As a cloud of grey mist descended over my eyes I began to fall sideways. Whether or not Tomoyo caught me or not was a blur…

X x x

Before I even opened my eyes, I took a second to appreciate the simple fact that I was on a mattress. Its softness was like a cloud compared to the rough places I have slept in before.

Then, when my eyes opened I was greeted by warm light from a small square window.

I tried to move when I felt a hand press against mine.

"Don't try to move yourself." Tomoyo said softly and fluffed the pillows I didn't even realize where behind me.

I parted my lips to speak but stopped when I realized this room was strikingly familiar. The smell of old word, varnish and the sea.

"Are we in Dayaki?" I asked her when I eventually found my voice.

Tomoyo nodded. "I was meant to get the crossover train but then I saw you and brought you to this hotel." She helped me sit up and gave me some water. …"What happened to you Sakura?" She said in a panicked voice. Was my appearance that bad?

I didn't know where to start. My eyes settled hazily onto the confined view of the window. I felt my throat tighten, as if not wanting to confide to anyone. Tomoyo out of all people would understand, she wouldn't judge me. Still, I haven't spoken to anyone in so long…

"Sakura…" She said placing her hand on mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Syaoran told me what happened…I don't understand…" Her eyes became small with confusion, which made the guilt sink in even more.

"I…I…" I choked and bawled into tears. "I'm pregnant."

Tomoyo's face froze in utter shock. Her hand flew to her chest as she composer herself. She tried to say something but kept stuttering until her face broke into a smile.

"Sakura…that's great! That's amazing! It is Syaoran's isn't it?"

"Of course!" I said getting defensive.

"Does Syaoran know?"

I shook my head and bit my lip hard. "I can't find him. If I go to Tomoeda, Meiling will have me killed. I want to tell him Tomoyo, I really do but…he thinks I abandoned him. It wasn't like that I swear! Yue was going to kill him if I didn't leave!"

"You don't have to explain anything to me Sakura. I believe you, Syaoran was upset but he doesn't hate you. He's taking it really hard Sakura. You have to tell him about the baby Sakura. Don't make any rash decisions."

I wiped a tear from my eye and nodded. I'm ashamed to admit that I did think that having this baby would not be a wise decision. Aborting Syaoran's child though…I don't think I could do it.

My hand fell to my tummy; it might be too late to do anything about it now anyway.

I had to tell Syaoran no matter what. I needed to know how he felt.

"I have to meet him somehow. I need to convince him to come to me."

"Then ring him!" Tomoyo said suddenly.

My head lolled to the side. I was so dizzy and disorientated that Tomoyo was fuzzy even in front of me.

"My phone is busted. I don't even know if I have his current number-"

Tomoyo jumped from her seat and dived into her suitcases. She rummaged around muttering something to herself.

"Syaoran Li was always a hard man to contact, but I know I have his number here somewhere- A-ha!" She beamed and produced a piece of paper.

She swiped my phone from my hand. In one swift movement she removed my some and placed it into her phone. A few clicks and curses later she beamed.

"And everyone think's nurses aren't technically clever." She said handing me the phone with Syaoran's number on the menu.

My heart pounded. Tomoyo looked at me with anticipation as if I were a movie, the ending to be decided.

"I don't know if I can do this." I breathed with shaky hands. "What if he doesn't want me? What if he doesn't want this baby? What if-"

"Sakura of course he wants you! He'd die for you Sakura. Syaoran wouldn't turn his back on his child, there's no way! You can't give up!" She pleaded with my, trying to will me into the right decision.

My heart pounded but against the mountain of doubt I felt, I rang.

Tomoyo held her breath as if about to explode any minute now.

The phone rang on….an on….an on…then to voicemail.

I felt the colour drain from my face.

"I…think he hung up." I said with my lip quivering.

Tomoyo's mouth dropped into a small 'o'. "No, try again." She said almost as a demand. "Keep trying Sakura until you get him." She said sitting back and nodding to me.

I tried every hour on the hour, but Syaoran did not pick up. I couldn't sleep. Was he ignoring me? Did his phone get stolen? My breathing became frenzied at the thought. I couldn't text him…no way. Something this big was not suitable in text. I needed him to meet me first so I could tell him face to face. I was afraid if this information would get into the wrong hands…

Sleep did not come. I didn't even notice that several hours had passed into the night. Tomoyo patted my head pushed me down. "You have to sleep Sakura. You're not fully recovered. Wait for him to call you. I'm sure he's misplaced his phone or something."

"But-"

"No Sakura. Rest. You have to keep your strength up, not just for you." She said with a half-smile and indicated towards my flat belly.

She was right. I didn't want to push myself. But this was a desperate time.

Tomoyo was taking such good care of me, she truly was the only person in this world I could really depend on. I thought about telling her then and there about Eriol, that he was still alive, locked up in a dungeon being tortured by the organization I worked for. But something was holding me back, something.

I sighed. I could tell Tomoyo, but then what? I knew Tomoyo, she would take the next plane to Shanghai to find her beloved, and most probably be killed in the process. No, for Tomoyo's kindness, I would free Eriol I could. But I couldn't give her false promises. I didn't even know if he was still alive or if the other assassins got tired of him.

Tomoyo lay on the couch until she quickly dozed off into a safer consciousness.

I curled up onto my side, rubbing my tummy where my child was growing. I suddenly felt a fear like no other. The fear that I couldn't keep my child safe. A fear that I didn't know what I was doing. Was I capable of this? If I did end up alone, how would I cope like my mother did? Did my own mother feel this way when pregnant with me?

"I'm doing my best." I whispered as if the unborn child could hear my words. "I'll get him back, for us…"

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: That Same Night**

There were only two things that comforted me.

The first was my old friend, Vodka, who temporarily numbs my pain and drowns out the thoughts of despair that has run through my head from the past two months.

The second was my car. Long isolated road trips outside the perimeter of Tomoeda sometimes let my mind drift to other things that were kinder to my aching heart.

Now, neither of them comforts me. I have abandoned them.

My apartment never seemed colder, a prison where I could dwell on my depression.

"Syaoran?"

I looked up lazily. Kayami placed a cup of tea in front of me, the steam rising from it made me feel that little bit warmer.

She threw her hair across her shoulder and sat down beside me. She looked at me with deep worry as her eyes ran across my face and body. He hand placed itself onto my shoulder. I didn't shrug her off, I got use to her touch. It was warm, it felt nice.

"Syaoran, please eat something. You can't keep going on like this." She said in a soft voice. "It's been two months Syaoran; you have to pick yourself up." She placed the cup in my hands and almost forced me to drink it.

When I nibbled on a biscuit she was satisfied and relaxed into the sofa. Kayami has been nurse-like to me since the earthquake. I didn't want her around at first. Tomoyo helped me through so much that Kayami was just a nuisance. But, I became accustomed to her frequent visits.

She was persistent, always wanting to take care of me, always wanting to bring me out of my sadness. But as the weeks went by, I began to sink lower into despair, and more dependent on her.

"So what did you do today?" She asked looking at me with her blue eyes.

She always asked me this; as if afraid I would become so reclusive that I would forget speech entirely.

I gulped and sipped the tea.

What did I do? I only sent Tomoyo away to live on the other side of the country by herself with an unknown future after killing her fiancée…

"Nothing." I said quietly.

She frowned and kneeled on the sofa whilst looking at me intently.

Her finger touched my cheek and I could feel her eyes on my face. I continued to stare at the opposite wall.

"You don't talk to me as much as you use to Syaoran." She said trailing her finger to the edge of my lips. Her hands rubbed my shoulder soothingly. She tipped her head forward and rested her forehead onto my shoulder, planting a small kiss there.

"I want you to tell me what you're thinking." She whispered.

I said nothing and felt her fingers spread onto my chest. I didn't protest, not because I wanted her doing this, but because it was the only warmth and comfort I've felt in a long time. The depression inside me was so dark, so bleak that even Kayami's affection was a dim ray of light. Now that Tomoyo was gone, I felt like I had no one really, Kayami…she was just there. Fanran was working all the time to support me…much to my shame..,

I tilted my head sideways until my cheek brushed against her scalp. Her soft hair cushioned my skin. This was like how it used to be with Sakura…

I was wrong to use Kayami like this. I knew how she felt about me, it was clear. I was misleading her yet…the warmth was so good. I could close my eyes and for a moment…pretend I was with Sakura.

"Syaoran," She said between the smallest kisses on my shoulder.

"What?"

"Takashi told me…what happened between you and him…and Chiharu."

I locked my jaw. "What of it?"

"Well," She hesitated. "He said that…getting over her was so painful, he thought it would never happen. But, he eventually got closure. And when he became intimate with…someone else, it made him see he could move on…" She remained perfectly still.

Her words sunk in. I breathed deeply, really wishing she wasn't suggesting what I thought she was.

"And this person Takashi was intimate with…is you I presume?"

Kayami's grip around my shoulder tightened a little. "I'm not proud of what I did." She whispered. "But, he was kind to me from the start. I thought I like him, I…pitied him. You probably think I'm a slut now don't you?" She said burying her face into my arm.

"No," I said and looked at her.

She wouldn't show me her face. I brought my hand to her face and lifted her head up.

"I think you're a little naïve." I smiled half-heartedly. "Sleeping with you wouldn't make me forget a thing Kayami, it would only make me feel guilty."

I didn't want to be cruel to her. But I could tell she was getting too deep with me.

She sat up and leaned her face in a little. Her log soft curls brushed against me hand.

"I'm not saying you should sleep with me to get over her." She said blushing. "I just…" She broke off and looked away.

She composed herself and thought carefully about what she was about to say.

"I was stupid for sleeping with Takashi. I was new and…and I thought I had feelings for him, I thought I was helping him get over Chiharu. But I was just being an idiot, I was just clinging onto him because…because I had no one else." She laughed nervously.

Her face turned serious with a hint of innocence.

"But…with you Syaoran, it's different. It kills me to see you in pain. I don't want you to hurt anymore, I want you to be happy, I want to make you happy."

I felt the atmosphere shift. I didn't like where this was going, yet out of respect, I made myself listen.

"I feel so safe when I'm around you. I don't want to leave your side. You make me happy and I-I…I love you Syaoran."

The silence that followed was agonizing. I couldn't react or come up with a response. I just sat there baffled. Love…love? I knew she had feelings for me but love was on another level.

I put my head into my hands. "Kayami-"

"No, let me speak." She said pulling my wrists away and making me face her.

She smiled and laughed a small laugh though her hands were shaking.

"I don't know why I love you. I know I annoy you more than anyone else in the world, and I know that you couldn't possibly return my feelings but…Just sitting here with you, makes me happy." Her eyes saddened as she averted her gaze. "But I know I will never be her. I'll never match up to Sakura. I don't want to even consider taking her place."

She rubbed her arms as if suddenly feeling a chill.

"I'm not asking for anything Syaoran. I know you don't love me. But, I'd never do what she did to you. I'd never break your heart like that Syaoran. Please, try. Can't you try to love me?" She pleaded.

Her eyes welled up. Her emotions were just poured out to me so suddenly that I was too overwhelmed to give her an answer.

Without warning her lips crashed down onto mine. The feel of her lips was so…strange. So unlike Sakura's. Paralysed in shock I couldn't find a response. Without my protest Kayami's hands placed themselves on the side of my face. She deepened her kiss and slid her body so that she was straddling me. Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me in.

This…this was wrong…wasn't it?

Two months Syaoran…She hasn't come back…she chose him…she chose Clow…

I shook away these vile thoughts. But…they were true. She didn't choose me. She left me, wounded, broken. I wanted her so much but…she didn't choose me.

These thoughts…they burned…I had to lose them.

My arms wrapped around Kayami's body, pulling her in. She responded by pressing her body against me, moaning a little.

Was she right? Should I just find a way out of this obsession with Sakura? Is Kayami a pathetic way out of it?

My hands travelled up her back, my fingers tangled in her hair yet….he scent, her touch, everything…it simply wasn't Sakura…

She reacted so passionately, her tongue licked off my teeth and I didn't protest. Maybe if I tried hard enough, I could forget Sakura…

"Kayami." I said between her kisses.

My lips were cold when she left me. She looked down on me with shock as if I had hit her.

"Kayami, I'm sorry. I..I don't think I can."

I hated to reject her. Her face was in shock. Her hair dishevelled across her face with the strap of her t-shirt falling down her shoulder. But she surprised me. She grinned and buried her head into my neck, hugging me tightly. I, too, rested my head on her shoulder and rubbed her back soothingly.

"That's ok. Just don't push me away Syaoran. I want to stay by your side." She whispered. "Don't push me away. I'll try and keep my feelings to myself. For now, I'll try."

I nodded. Kayami was a strange girl. Strange but innocent and fragile. She was not my Sakura. My Sakura was irreplaceable.

Kayami stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes. She grinned and held her hands out for me to take. "We better get some sleep! You look exhausted." She said grabbing my hands and tugging me towards my bedroom.

"Kayami…" I said not satisfied with how I was leaving things.

She planted her finger on my lips. "No apologies Syaoran. I'm not giving up completely on you. As you know, I'm persistent." She winked at me and pointed to the bed, insisting I got in.

I lay on my side and was unsurprised when Kayami crawled under the covers too. It wasn't the first time she did it. She threw her arm around me and pressed her head into my neck. I would have protested under the circumstance, but I said nothing. She could sleep beside me, but not as a lover, but as my friend…

X x x

**Normal POV: Later that Night**

Kayami didn't sleep much that night.

There were too many thoughts flooding through her mind. Being rejected had split her heart into two despite the fact she knew perfectly well that Syaoran's heart was always claimed by another woman.

But Kayami was not completely disheartened, holding Syaoran, lying beside him, just being close to him made her happy beyond her dreams. It was progress. Her persistence had paid off. She felt guilty for working off the back of his heartbreak but…being so close to him now…it was worth it. It was inspiration to one day become his entirely.

She fanaticized what it would be like if she could hold him every night, as a lover. She pictured herself breaking the chain that tied him to Sakura Kinomoto. She was determined to make him happy. She would do what it took because the fact was; she was utterly in love with him.

She would full the emptiness inside of him.

Just when she began to drift into the bliss of dreamland, she felt a buzzing noise from somewhere. She squinted and rolled over. Taking her hands away from Syaoran's chest she scrunched her face and looked for the source of this vibration.

Then her eyes settled on the dresser. Something glowed and buzzed like a hornets nest ready to explode. She silently crept over to it. It was Syaoran's phone, jumping like a small Pandora's box.

Kayami rubbed her eyes as she picked it up. She felt her body bleach itself of colour, and her world crash around her.

_Caller ID: Sakura K_

Kayami looked from the phone to Syaoran, who slept soundly unstirred by all of this. Kayami's body raged.

'_What does she want!?"_ She thought mentally. _"Why is she trying to call him? What does she want with him? Why can't she leave him alone!?" _

Kayami bit her lip. She looked at Syaoran and his beautiful face. His sculpted face, perfect body, but Kayami knew the pain inside of him. It was all because of Sakura.

She deliberated.

Telling him would result in their reunification. What if he heard her voice and left to be with her. If Sakura has changed her mind, all she has to do is snap her fingers and Syaoran would come running.

If he did that…then Kayami would be alone. The thoughts of him leaving her side made Kayami feel cold, bitter.

Envy and Jealousy coursed through her veins. She hated Sakura Kinomoto. Even when they first met, Kayami felt so intimidated by her. Sakura made her feel small. Kayami felt there was an aura of arrogance around her. Kayami didn't want to buy into the whole ;I'm an orphan thing'

It had occurred to Kayami before that maybe she was just jealous of Sakura. And she had Syaoran, something Kayami had been jealous of for so long now.

With these choices weighed up, Kayami hung up on Sakura.

She turned the phone off. In Kayami's mind, it was better that Syaoran didn't know. It was better if he moved on and never knew his love reached out for him.

Kayami crawled into bed beside him and resumed her place beside him.

'He doesn't need her…I'm doing the right thing…I'm protecting you from her Syaoran…she will only hurt you again…and I never want to see you hurt again Syaoran…I'll become what you've always wanted.'

X x x

**Sakura's POV: The Next Day**

He never rang me back.

Nothing. The next three days were spent in nervousness and anticipation. Tomoyo stayed at my side yet unable to do anything. As each day passed I felt even more sick. Was he still angry with me? Did he really hate me that much?

I could barely eat, my mind kept wandering back to him. I was afraid of my situation. I never felt so helpless, so incapable of handling a situation. I needed Syaoran. I needed him so badly so we could try and start this relationship for the last time. I wanted him to take me away to the life he promised me, the life he swore we'd have…

I heard the room burst open and Tomoyo stumbled in. She slammed the door behind her and pressed her back against it as if she were being chased. I bolted upright.

She breathed heavily and her normally flawless hair was swept unevenly across her face.

"Tomoyo what's wrong?"

She gasped for air and embraced herself. Only when she swept the hair from her eyes I saw she was crying.

"They're here, in Dayaki."

My heart began to pelt against my chest. "What do you mean? Who?"

"Keiji's men. They must know I'm in the area. They know I've something to do with Keiji's murder."

"What? Why would that matter?"

"Because Syaoran killed Keiji! With me missing, they must think I did it!"

I stuttered to ask more question but Tomoyo threw herself over me with panic in her eyes.

"Sakura, you have to contact Syaoran. It's only a matter of time before they find me, and then find you. Who knows what they'll do to us both!" She said with her lip quivering.

I gripped the bed sheets and locked my jaw. What could I say? She was right. I had to get a hold of Syaoran no matter what. If I didn't….

I placed my hand on my stomach. No, I can't leave without Syaoran. I needed to find him.

"Sakura, please. If we leave today it doesn't mean we can't still try to find him. But we have to get out of the area soon!" She begged and clasped my hands into hers.

I knew Tomoyo was just worried for me and my unborn child. But it wasn't just that, I had to know if Syaoran wanted this baby. If he didn't…I just couldn't see myself doing this alone. The thought alone terrified me. No Syaoran…and a baby, and I, an assassin. What would become of me?

"How much time?" I whispered afraid of what she might say,

"Three days, at the most. Then we have to leave. I won't see you die because I married someone like him."

I breathed twice and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, the fear inside me didn't diminish, but the determination to take action soared through me.

"Ok." I said taking his phone and dialling it again for the last time.

It didn't ring this time, it went straight to voicemail.

"S-Syaoran…" I began with a voice that threatened to break. "It's me."

I looked over to Tomoyo who nodded encouragement at me.

"Syaoran, I'm in trouble. I need to see you, as soon as possible." I bit my lip wishing I was saying this to his face. "I know…that I left you that day two months ago but…I didn't want to Syaoran. And I know you might not believe me but, I made a mistake. I thought we couldn't be together. But I know now that…we can. And I want to be with you. Please don't hate me for leaving you then, those days we spent together were the happiest I've been in so long and…I love you. I mean it and I should have said it back then. I forgive everything you for everything. And I hope you will forgive me."

My eyes were threatening to give into the emotion in my heart. Tomoyo took my free hand in hers and grasped it for support.

"I'm pregnant Syaoran. I'm pregnant…with your child and…I don't know what to do." I completely broke down. All the anxiety and fear crashed down on me and I couldn't hold back. "I know I shouldn't be telling you like this but, there's people looking for me and Tomoyo and…I can't stay where I am for much longer. I just…I need to know if you want this because I can't…I can't do this by myself. Please Syaoran, I need to see you. I'll go to Dayaki bridge, our place, at 11:00 pm every day for the next three days. Meet me there. If you don't show up, I'll assume you don't want this."

My throat closed and I curled up in a ball with a sickening feeling.

"And I'll never trouble you again."

When I hung up Tomoyo caught me just before I slumped to the floor in tears.

"It's ok Sakura…" She soothed. "He'll come, he'll definitely come…"

I cried even harder, sobbing like a banshee until I felt numb.

If he still loves me…he'll come…he won't talk to me over the phone. He'll have to listen to the voicemail, surely he will be curious enough to know…he can't hate me that much…

If he still loves me…he'll come…

But…what if he doesn't….?

X x x

**Normal POV: The Next Day**

Kayami was about to give up when finally Takashi arrived in a silver BMW.

He ran a hand through his sleek hair and narrowed his eyes as he approached her. Kayami shuddered as she recalled the fact that she once had feelings for him.

Had feelings for him.

"This better be good." He grumbled.

Kayami rolled her eyes. To think that Takashi's voice use to be so soft and gentle towards her, only to change suddenly when he got what he wanted from her. Kayami watched him scan the café until he was satisfied that no one recognized him. Kayami pushed her coffee away and produced Syaoran's phone to him.

Takashi raised his eyebrow and twisted his lip, he was not impressed.

"And what am I to do with this?" He said mockingly and staring her down into her seat making her as uncomfortable as possible.

Kayami shuffled and began to think this was a bad idea. The more she was with Takashi the more she was suspicious of him. She barely knew anything about him. As far as she knew, He was an assassin whose love was shot down in front of him by Syaoran. Yet, Syaoran and Takashi are on great terms, almost like brothers, or so she was falsely informed.

"You asked me to bring you anything that related to Sakura." She said meekly and picked at her neon orange nail polish. "She's been calling him non-stop. Syaoran doesn't know about it though, I….I didn't tell him." Kayami embraced herself.

Hearing herself say her sins of envy out loud made her feel ashamed, embarrassed even. Not only that, she doubted she should tell Takashi anything. She somehow felt Takashi could do something to help her out of this.

Takashi's stony face cracked ever so slightly into a smile, making Kayami doubt herself even more.

Takashi ran his finger over the phone as if he were flirting with a small bomb. Kayami was tense. Why did she feel as if she just opened Pandora's box?

"There's also a voice mail on there." She blurted when the silence went on too long. "But I didn't listen to it; I didn't want to hear her bullshit lies." She said sourly and looked at the rain falling miserably outside.

When she looked back she saw Takashi was listening to the voicemail. At first, his expression was unreadable until finally, it broke out into a side and sinister smile.

Kayami became very, very nervous. When he placed the phone onto the table his smirk was inerasable.

"Well, well…" He said clasping his hands together. "It seems, there has been another twist in this little plan of mine."

"What?" Kayami said leaning in. "What did she say?"

"Oh, you don't have to worry yourself about that my dear. There's one last thing I need you to do for me though…" He said smiling and shooting his black eyes into her soul.

Kayami stiffened. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was becoming a pawn of some sick plan she didn't know off.

"I...I don't want to do anything else Takashi. I've already went to Syaoran's apartment like you asked. I got all the information about Sakura for you; I've even flirted with him on an embarrassing level. But it has to stop. I care about Syaoran; he's just starting to open up to me…" She said in a desperate tone.

"Yes my dear. Everything is falling into place. You love Syaoran, don't you?"

"Of course!" She said a little too loudly that attracted stares. "Of course I do…" She repeated in a weaker voice."

"Good." He said placing his rough hand on hers. "I care about him like he was my own brother. That's why we have to keep Sakura away from him. She's evil; she's manipulated him so much. She killed Rika in an explosion she planted herself just so she could have Syaoran to herself."

Kayami's mouth dropped. "I thought that was an accident."

Takashi scoffed. "Who plants a bomb in their own car and makes Rika drive it? That would be a coincidence wouldn't it?"

Kayami didn't know what to say. If it were true, which Kayami thought it was, then Sakura was just as evil as she thought.

"And then when she did get him, she slept with Mr Tsukishiro and sold out information in Li, your aunt's organization. Not to mention, she made so many advances towards me. She's uses and uses people Kayami. She is poison. He's too blind to see what she truly is. And now that she has no organization to protect her, she wants Syaoran back. She wants his protection until she can find someone else. You know all this."

Kayami nodded, unaware of the lies Takashi just fed her. In Kayami's mind, Sakura was pure evil, unworthy of Syaoran's love. Whatever she said in that voice mail, Kayami was convinced Sakura was just begging him to come back and protect her.

Kayami's hand formed a fist. She would not let Syaoran die for her.

"Syaoran needs someone like you, Kayami." Takashi said lulling. "You are perfect for him. She needs to be out of the picture for him to know that he needs you."

Kayami's heart swelled. She knew her heart belonged to Syaoran. She was determined to lift him form Sakura's clutches.

"You're doing all of this…to protect Syaoran, aren't you?" Kayami asked.

"Of course. Syaoran is like my brother. Everything I do, is to make sure he's happy."

"Fine," She said convinced that if Syaoran would be happy in the end, she'd do anything. "I'll do it."

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Present Day**

_I went to the bridge every day for those three days._

_I braced the freezing winds and the bitterness of the frost in desperate hopes that you wouldn't let me down. Did you hate me that much? Did you honestly feel betrayed Syaoran…?_

_You never came. But someone else did…_

_Then, I came to hate you Syaoran…_

I shook my head furiously to rid myself of those thoughts.

I slammed my foot on the accelerator. Gathering speed to the point where streetlights streamed into one long orange blur.

Why was I thinking about that part of my past? Why was I remembering the vivid pain and hate that consumed me after?

I gripped the wheel tighter and locked my jaw. I cannot be weak now, this time I was ready. I would take Rhaya back. I would protect her against the monster Syaoran really was. He has her so fooled, so deluded like I was. It was my job to protect her.

Finally, I arrived into a sleepy silent valley. I shuddered, a lazy valley like this…I was not well suited to it. I knew without hesitating, where exactly they were.

Crawling silently into the laneway, I killed the engine out of sight. Syaoran's car was parked protectively in front of the house where one dim kitchen light warmed the cold house.

I stared at it. When was the last time I was there? When was the last time I looked at this place and thought of it as a safe haven for my daughter? Never did I think I'd one day have to abduct her from her first and true home.

When my feet folded out of the car and hit the cold soil, I shuddered. What happened tonight would change us entirely. We both will fight for Rhaya, but with different purposes. He wants to lure me back, just to hurt me. I wanted her safety. But was I doing it for that purpose alone…or did I want to hurt Syaoran….

My gun was concealed under my coat. My face, hard and stony, betraying no emotion. My hand, heavy as it opened the unlocked door.

At first, the light pained my eyes, then, the fuzzy images sharpened themselves and focused on Rhaya.

She sat on the counter top, cross legged and fidgeted with a broken rubex cube. She narrowed her eyes as her mind puzzled through the possible solutions to the multi-coloured box. She bit her lip in either frustration or deep-thought.

I half smiled to myself. Watching her there, I felt like a fly on the wall. This Rhaya, ironically in the most threatening point of her life, was acting like a normal teenager unburdened by the mistakes of her parents.

Noticing my presence, she looked up.

Then, those innocent amber eyes, widened into the shape of fear.

Her hands froze mid twist of the cube until it fell from her hands.

This is what I brought, fear. She didn't look at me with relief as her hero, or with security that a mother should provide.

Forever the bad guy…

I took my gun from my bent and held it to my side. Her eyes never left mine though. My baby…my daughter I never forgot…though I love you ever so much…I have to be the villain, in order to save you…

x

**Fingers crossed I'll be updating soon.**

**In the next chapter...final secret revealed AND FAMILY REUNION! **

**See you then! **

**R&R!**


	34. Reunited by Hate

******Took a while!**

**Here it is! Reunion! I hope I did a good job I don't wana disappoint!**

**Anyway, as usual, enjoy! (Sorry it took so long!)**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

My hands went numb; all my strength left my body as she stood there like a dark immovable pillar.

Her lips were parted, her expression mirroring with implausible resemblance. I felt the colour bleach from my face, my hands tremble at the strange aura that surrounded her.

Dressed all in black, her face was half cast in moonlight. For a moment there was a long drawn out silence. I sat on the counter in my over-sized hoodie completely helpless and defence-less against her like the last time. Yet…I felt strangely…not afraid. Not completely safe, but I didn't fear her as much. Seeing her face again gave me some sort of…relief?

I slid slowly off the counter and landed on the cold floor. Suddenly her hand flew out in a panicked motion. I caught my breath and froze on the spot.

A look of utter panic struck her face. She held her hand out to prevent me from calling for help, for Syaoran. Her brown hair was soft and flustered around her neck. Her lips were parted as she took a small step into the kitchen. Her head turned sharply to the right towards the hall. She tilted her head to the side and stayed silent. I snapped my mouth shut, afraid to disturb the assassin skills she was exercising.

I went to say something but she put her finger to her lips, indicating that I stayed silent.

The only sound we could hear was the faints noise from the TV. which reported the on-going events in Tomoeda.

'The rioting has escalated in Tomoeda with casualties in the hundreds. Police forces cannot enter the city and police already stationed in the city cannot control the outbreak of crime. Over half the population has fled Tomoeda with three days to go before the Clow organization begin their invasion…'

Sakura didn't seem to be listening to the TV; she was peeling her ears for something else. Then, Syaoran's very faint voice was heard above the quietness. He was in spare room just across the hall on the phone to someone, completely oblivious that his ex-lover was in the kitchen on her second attempt to take me away.

Sakura looked back at me with her great green eyes full of anxiety. She knitted her brows together as if hearing Syaoran's voice so close to us scared her. Locking eyes on me, she extended her gun-free hand to me very slowly.

I backed up into the counter with confusion. I couldn't translate her actions. Her white fingertips shook and they extended out towards me.

"We have to go. Please, come with me." She said.

She tried to keep her voice levelled but I could sense the urgency in her voice. I could see how her body ache to swoop me up and throw me into the car and speed away from Syaoran at lightning speed.

When I didn't say anything, I saw her gulp. "Rhaya, please…" She begged. "You're not safe here. I promise I'll explain everything later, but we have to go. Please." She whispered.

Her head flinched towards the spare room when she heard Syaoran mumble something into the phone.

I could have screamed, I could have yelled for Syaoran's rescue. Sakura wouldn't hurt me. If she wanted to hurt Syaoran, she would have done it already. Why was she being so quiet? Was she…afraid of Syaoran? Afraid to be seen by Syaoran?

But I didn't want Syaoran to find her. I was afraid of what they'd do to each other. Not only that, seeing Sakura here…I thought it would frighten me after our first encounter but instead…I was glad to see her. Was that messed up? I felt some sort of relief to know that the actions in Tomoeda had not claimed her, she was still alive.

"I don't want to go." I whispered back careful not to let Syaoran hear.

She locked her jaw despite the distress on her face.

"Rhaya please. Don't make me take you."

"Like you did last time?" I rasped a bit louder.

She said nothing; there was guilt in her eyes. "I can explain, but we have to leave. I promise, I won't hurt you, I couldn't."

I embraced myself, suddenly feeling very cold in my shorts and navy converse. I could feel Goosebumps on my bare legs. Why was it like this? This woman was my mother, yet there was nothing strong enough inside me that trusted her how I trusted Syaoran. This woman…without prior knowledge of her identity could easily be mistaken as a kidnapper.

"I don't want to go with you." I whispered.

I didn't phrase it exactly how I wanted to. I didn't want to leave Syaoran but…I didn't want her to go either. I just wanted…well; I didn't know what I wanted.

Then her eyes flashed a darker shade of green, whipping my posture straight. The fear I once felt on our first meeting was back. For the second time in my life, I was terrified of her. My resistance had made her resort to her assassin mode; I could sense where it would go from here.

She took a concrete step forward which made me jerk hard against the counter. She was going to take me whether I liked it or not.

With panic, fear and anxiety, I dashed.

The door nearly burst clean off its hinges as my body thrust through the doorframe. There was no thought process, I just bolted and when the fresh air hit my lungs sharply, became very aware of the situation.

I didn't have to look behind me to know she was chasing me and gathering speed fast. I kicked the ground under me in a desperate attempt to get away but I knew after her years of experience, she would get me.

I could hear her whooshing through the tall damp grass, gliding swiftly through it like a Giselle.

My heart thumped in my ears when I heard the river in front of me. It would be a dead end in a matter of yards, and she would have me.

I felt the tears burning into my eyes, blurring my directionless route. My ankle hooked under a latent branch and cannonballed my body forward, slamming me into the dirt. The dampness soaked my face.

She closed in with nowhere else for me to go.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I roared so loudly that she stopped dead a few yards away from me with utter shock smacked across her face.

I balled my fists and felt my nails dig into my hands with the pain and complete exhaustion this was causing me.

"Can't you see I don't want you?!" I shouted and hit the dirt with my balled fists. My knees sunk into the dirt like two logs. "You can't make me go anywhere with you! I'm staying here with Syaoran; you can't take me away from him! He's all I have! I don't want you! Syaoran loves me! He's the one who took care of me when you dumped me here fourteen years ago!"

My voice seemed to echo throughout the whole valley and return to us more intensely.

Sakura's bottom lip dropped. Her whole face seemed to suddenly plummet into a dark place. Then her hand touched her collarbone as if trying to grasp my words. A minute of silence passed. As if her legs could carry her small weight no more she stumbled back a step almost as if physically weakened. Her hair fell over her eyes so I could see her face no more.

"You...you think I don't…that I just…" She seemed unable to finish her sentence. Her whole posture broke.

I stood up. My hands started to shake; I did not imagine this happening. She looked so hurt, so upset I felt so guilty for my words. When she looked back up again her eyes were red, threatening to give away a weaker side to her.

"H-how can you think that?" She whispered. "I, I always wanted yo-" She broke off and fiercely wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist.

"Y-you're trying to take me away…" I whispered. "I don't want to be away from Syaoran. He's protecting me as best as he can."

I thought Sakura would object. I thought she would snap and try poisoning me against him, making me go with her. But instead she kinda smiled and delivered the faintest laugh that was so beautiful.

"Wow," She said and rubbed her arm nervously. "You care about him a lot don't you?" She said keeping that angelic smile.

I suddenly saw Sakura in a completely different light. For a second, she was not a notorious killer, not an assassin or a cold woman with a gun. The way she partly bit her lip, the way she stood in a nervous way, the way she slightly tilted her head to the side…she looked like…a normal woman.

Not just a normal woman, but there was something miraculously innocent about her…something warm, something approachable.

Was this the way Syaoran sees her? Was this the Sakura he knows and loves despite all her past actions?

There it was…a connection. It was so strange but I know, I felt a connection with Sakura, my mother…

Suddenly, her eyes flashed sharply as she spun around with her gun in hand raised to the face of another.

Being so engrossed in Sakura my mind never even sense Syaoran's presence standing behind Sakura.

Syaoran's gun was already pointed towards her. Their postured mimicked each other. Syaoran's eyes blazed with the most intensity I've ever seen. I could feel Sakura's tense aura pumping out of her. Her grip on her gun was so tight I could see her veins protruding from her wrist.

Neither of them said anything, silent messages were exchanged through the raw emotion in their eyes that I was too uninformed to translate.

Here we were, reunited at last.

My father, my mother and I, in the direst of situations…

X x x

"Why are you here?" Syaoran asked in a distasteful tone that surprised me.

Sakura's eyes narrowed into a cold and hateful glare, so contrasting to her previous self that I had witnessed. "Why do you think? You think I was just going to let you take her away from me?"

"You heard her; she doesn't want to go with you." Syaoran said deliberately hitting a sore spot.

Sakura's eyebrow twitched in anger. "Why would she?" She responded, "When you've spent all your time making me into the bad guy."

"You've done that to yourself you don't need help from anyone doing that." Syaoran's words were bitter. Why was he like this? Didn't he still love her?

"How DARE you pretend that you're the father of the year after all this time!" Sakura said trembling with anger. "After all you put me through. You have no idea because you weren't there! You don't even know how she ended up with Tomoyo raising your child do you? Do you even care?"

"How was I supposed to be there when you never even told me you had my child!" Syaoran shouted, tightening his grip on the gun. "Answer me that!"

"Don't even pretend you didn't know Syaoran. You knew! You knew but you didn't care! Why should I have told you where she was? Everyone around you ends up dead so why punish her too?" Sakura's face twisted with such rage.

They acted as if I wasn't even there, like I was a prize that was never claimed.

"Do you think I would have walked out on you? Damn it Sakura I begged you to leave Clow and come with me but you left! But you chose them! I would have done anything for you and you know that! How much longer can you fuck with my head? You don't even know what I went through after you left!"

"What you went through!?" Sakura practically laughed. "I was alone and pregnant and you never came!"

"What are you talking about!?"

"YOU KNOW SYAORAN!" She screamed with so much raw anger. "Don't make me say it!" She said in a tight voice.

Watching the two of them was like watching wounds being ripped open and spilled out. By now they were almost completely oblivious that I was still there.

"I don't know anything Sakura that's the problem! I was left in the dark. One minute you came back to me and the next you were gone with no words but a few letters telling me to go and die! What did I do!? Tell me what I did because I don't know!"

Over and back and over and back they fought, coming close to talking physical action with their guns but backing away. I couldn't watch this; it was killing me to see them fight. How could they every have loved each other? How could they have been through hell and back with deep love? In fact, how were they even alike?

They denied and accused repeatedly. Even I, who had so little knowledge of their past, could tell that something was amiss here. Something had not quite clicked. They were missing out on something…something vital.

"I can explain." Came a meek voice underneath the screaming and shouting.

Syaoran and Sakura fell into a sudden silence and stared at the fourth person who joined the reunion.

Kayami stood there awkwardly under the bright moonlight.

Her long wavy hair was pulled into a high loose bun to enhance her oval face. All dressed in black she stood in her tall and thin frame with a look of nervousness, like she didn't fit in here at all.

I saw Syaoran stiffen and his spine become rigid, suddenly uncomfortable.

Sakura broke the tense atmosphere with a dark laugh. "Are you serious?" She said but directed her comment at Syaoran. "Even after all these years, you still go back to her do you?" Sakura's voice was laced with bitterness.

Syaoran and Kayami didn't know how to react.

Kayami looked at Sakura with fear. "I think…I need to explain-"

"I don't want to hear a fucking word come out of your mouth." Sakura spat through gritted teeth. The atmosphere was tense. I thought Sakura was going to shoot Kayami any second judging by the rage that pulsed from her.

"Why are you here Kayami?" Syaoran asked keeping his eyes fixed on the ground instead of her.

Kayami's eyes saddened at the lack of warmth in Syaoran's voice, like a puppy whose owner was displeased with them. It looked as if she wanted to reach out and touch Syaoran but the cold glares from my mother kept Kayami's feet rooted to the ground.

She scratched the back of her neck, afraid to look at either of them. I felt sorry for her randomness and ill-fitting presence.

Kayami turned her body towards Sakura but kept her distance. "Everything you thought you knew about that night that happened over fourteen years ago was a lie."

Sakura's glare calmed a little…there was something big about to be unveiled here…

All eyes were on Kayami, until Kayami's eyes flickered towards me.

"I don't think what I have to say is eh…suitable for em…."

My parents turned towards me.

"Rae," Syaoran said in a softer tone. "Maybe you should go inside."

There was nothing I wanted more than to go inside, to leave this awful situation, but…they were unaware that their guns were still pointed at each other.

"Are you going to kill each other?" I asked with my voice shattering.

They glance at each other not even noticing their positions. I was surprised when it was Sakura who withdrew her gun to her side, followed by Syaoran.

"No," Sakura said.

As I walked away I felt Sakura's eyes never leaving me in a sense yearning. She took a subtle step after me but stopped herself and looked down, ashamed that she nearly followed me. I felt my heart struggle to translate her actions and words. I didn't really know her. I saw so many different sides to her. I even, for a split second, felt a bond with her. I had to talk to her…but for now, they had their own issues to solve.

Slipping away from them was the hardest thing I had to do. When I reached the porch of the house within safe distance from a gun I looked back.

They three of them stood there in an intense triangle, where I knew the events of the past previously known to them, was about to be altered…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present day**

Kayami kept her gaze on the dirt until Rae's presence had left us altogether.

"What do you want?" I said barely looking at her.

Sakura's eyes burned into Kayami's scalp. Her grip around her gun loosened and tightened in a tense loop. I never felt so guilty and nervous to be with anyone. Out of all people, I really didn't want Kayami and Sakura to be at the same place. The guilt was rising inside me to the point where I could feel my forehead breaking into sweat.

"Um, well," She laughed a little and shuffled on the spot.

"Out with it." Sakura snapped, her hands trembling with rage. "Because you're starting to piss me off." She said through gritted teeth.

Kayami was scared into another silence.

Both Kayami and I kept our heads down.

"So tell me Syaoran." Sakura said, making me look up. "Was she worth it?"

My heart raced how…surely Sakura doesn't know…

"What do you mean?"

"When you fucked her Syaoran! Was it worth leaving me!?" She yelled.

My heart stopped flat…so she does know about Kayami and me, but how? How could she know? How!?

"Sakura I-" I broke off, I couldn't explain, I just didn't have the words to explain.

"It wasn't his fault." Kayami interjected in my defence.

"Shut up Kayami!" Sakura yelled. "Will you just shut up! What are you in all of this? Nothing! You're just a stupid and lonely girl who latched herself onto someone who would take you!" She said glaring at me.

Then Sakura calmed herself a little. "But I guess you showed me what he's really like." She said bitterly and turned away.

"Sakura," I said reaching for her but she backed away and turned her head. The anger I threw at her diminished and I was grasping at straws. "She was a mistake," I said not caring that Kayami was still standing there. "You were gone and…I don't even know how it happened. It never meant to."

"So what Syaoran are you just going to abandon her too? You're disgusting do you know that? I bet you told her you loved her didn't you?"

"Of course I didn't you have it wrong Sakura!"

"You can say what you want Syaoran it changes nothing." She slanted her emerald eyes. "You could have been there but you weren't. You have no idea how much you hurt me when you never showed up."

"Showed up? I don't even know what you're talking about!"

"Yes you do so stop denying it Syaoran!" Her hate and pain was coming through. "You fucked up when you slept with her!" She said stabbing a finger at Kayami. Sakura grabbed fistfuls of her hair and shook her head as if the thought alone tortured her.

I begged her to listen to me but we were going around in circles. It was like there was something we were both missing out on.

"Stop!" Kayami shouted amidst Sakura and my fight.

Kayami's fingers shook as she tried to stand her ground. "I can…explain that night. Just give me a chance." She begged.

Sakura stiffened wanting to protest but held her tongue.

Kayami stood looking at me with sadness and nervousness. "Before I tell you I just want to say that…I'm sorry Syaoran, to both of you. I really am. I did what I thought was best at the time but…I was tricked. I…I didn't realize at the time…until recently." She seemed to be shaken by what she had to say.

Kayami locked her jaw and parted her lips to speak the truth…

X x x

**Normal POV: 14 and a half years ago**

"You understand what you must do, don't you?" Takashi asked her knowing that he had her so filled up with lies that she couldn't have said no.

With a slight bit of hesitance, Kayami nodded and took the pill from his hand. With that action she felt the guilt shudder through her veins and rest in the pit of her stomach.

Takashi signature smirk returned and he took enjoyment of the plan that was about to be initiated despite how shameful it would be on Kayami's part.

Kayami gripped the substance in her hand and held it to her chest.

"Takashi, you promise this is for Syaoran, right? If I do this…he'll be happy won't he?"

Takashi snapped out of his trance and moulded his face into a look of slight sincerity.

"Of course this is for Syaoran. Why else would we be doing this?" He said in a tone that made Kayami feel stupid for asking. "Kayami, Syaoran needs to be rid of Sakura. Otherwise he'll never be able to notice you. He needs someone who won't hurt him again."

Kayami gulped.

"Ok. I just still don't understand why I need to do it this way. I just feel…cruel. Can't we find another way-"

"There is no other way Kayami. Are you doing this or not?" Takashi began to get frustrated with her.

"Ok." She said and departed from him with her heart thumping in her ears.

As she disappeared Takashi couldn't help but to laugh darkly as he ran a hand through his hair.

If Kayami played her part well…he was getting his revenge on Syaoran that would continue to hurt him years from now…

X x x

"Hey!" Kayami said in a voice that was ridiculously cheerful to the point where it almost gave away her ulterior motive.

Syaoran drowsily pried his eyes from the rain outside to settle them onto her.

He grunted as a sign of acknowledgment. A few beer cans stood as terrible companions around him. His hair seems to always resemble a bed-head nowadays. He looked so tired and depressed as he sat at the kitchen table, swamped in his leather jacket with his head resting lowly on his arms.

Kayami was used to seeing him like this. With every day he got worse and worse. Without her daily visits Kayami didn't know what state he would have succumbed to. This was all the more reason for Kayami to carry out what Takashi had told her to do. No matter how degrading it would be.

She sat opposite to him and smiled. Syaoran stared blankly back, more like he was looking through her than at her. Kayami wondered if he was thinking about her again.

"Let's go out!" She said and took his hands into hers.

Syaoran didn't react. He was used to her touching him suddenly. She gripped his hands tightly and leaned in.

"We'll go to a bar, my treat!" She winked at him and bit her lip in attempt to be subtly seductive.

Syaoran blinked twice and averted his attention back to the window.

"No thanks." He muttered.

Kayami's eye twitched a little bit. She couldn't help the panicked silence that stunned her momentarily.

'Get him to a bar…'

She shook her head at the sound of Takashi's voice in her head. Her false exaggerated smile returned.

"Come on Syaoran! Please! You have to get out of the apartment, you have to try and do something! Even if that something is drinking outside this place."

Syaoran said nothing again, adding to Kayami's panic.

"…It's my birthday." She said, purposely dropping her voice down a sad octave.

That was a lie. Kayami's birthday was a week ago. Not that she felt any need to tell Syaoran that at the time. She was grasping at straws.

Syaoran's eyes moved a fraction towards hers.

"I would celebrate it with Fanran and Naoko but…they don't really like me. And I doubt my aunt wants to take me anywhere so…" Kayami rested her head onto her crossed arms, mimicking Syaoran's posture. "That just leaves you. You're all I got."

There was a silence when Syaoran's eyes looked into hers. He sighed heavily, sat upright and grabbed his wallet.

"Is that a yes then!?" She said clapping her hands in glee.

"I guess so." Syaoran answered with a slight smile that made Kayami blush. "Let me grab some things." He said before leaving the room.

That smile made Kayami's heart melt for a second. She began to think that no matter how awful the thing she was about to do was, if she could make Syaoran smile like that every day, it would be worth it.

"Have you seen my phone lately?" Syaoran called from his room.

Kayami pressed her lips into a thin line. "No, sorry." She lied.

X x x

"Whatcha having?" Kayami asked and scooted in beside him.

"I think I'm done." Syaoran said eyeing the fourth empty glass of scotch in his hand.

Kayami's frown disappeared. "Fine, one more ok? Then I promise we'll go home." She said rubbing his shoulder and cocking her head to the side.

She went up to the barman and ordered another. When it was presented to her Kayami's heart thudded. She could feel the sweat breaking on her forehead. She glanced back and saw Syaoran was glancing at the game blaring on the TV. and paying no attention to her. But Kayami felt the world was watching her at that moment. She pulled the pill from her pocket, who knew what it was.

Her hands shuddered as she tried to open it and she could feel her breathing intensify. She dropped the pill into the glass, almost missing it with her nerves trembling.

It began to dissolve instantly at a rate that scared Kayami. The colour of the drink changed into a murky colour that made her nervous.

Without stalling she took it to Syaoran and planted it beside him with a faltering grin on her face. He looked momentarily away from the TV to the glass. Kayami tapped her foot rapidly with nerves.

What if Syaoran could sense something wrong? What if her face gave away something suspicious? What if-

Syaoran picked up the glass and gulped the drink down in one. He slammed it back to the table, winced a little and continued to watch the game.

Kayami sighed with relief. Had Syaoran's mind not had been messed up with his depression his assassin senses would have immediately picked up on the spiked drink. She was thankful he didn't.

Kayami sat back down beside him and crossed her arms to hide her shaking hands. She said nothing for a while. She caught her reflection on the mirror. Sitting close beside Syaoran made them look like a couple. Kayami smiled at this.

"You know Syaoran." She said wrapping her arm tightly around his. "I care about you a lot. I'd do anything to make you happy again." She said.

Syaoran narrowed his amber eye at her, now suspicious.

"Haven't we been through this? Do we have to do this again Kayami?"

"No." She said with a small smile that disappeared. "I…I just don't ever want you to hate me because, I do what I can to make you happy. So promise me you won't hate me."

Syaoran's eyes never left their suspicion. "I won't hate you Kayami." He said more to make her be quiet.

Kayami nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Ten minutes passed by and Syaoran didn't seem fazed by the drug until finally…

"Uh…" He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's wrong?" Kayami asked, trying to keep up her acting skills.

"I feel…dizzy." Syaoran swayed to the side almost knocking over the bottles on the counter.

His vision suddenly blurred. The floor beneath him wobbled and he found stable equilibrium difficult to maintain. His head was spinning; Syaoran became disorientated at an alarming rate to the point where he didn't know where he was or who he was with.

"Come on Syaoran," Kayami said rising from her chair nervously and placed a shaking hand on his chest. "Let me take you home…"

X x x

It did not even register in Syaoran's mind that he was back in his apartment.

Kayami pushed him lightly onto the bed. Syaoran felt surreal, animated. The drug's effects were causing him intense hallucinations. His body swayed in a motion he found hard to stop.

Only when Kayami's hands rested on his shoulders and pushed his jacket off did Syaoran realise that he was not alone.

"What's happening?" Syaoran asked with his words slurring.

Kayami gulped and forced a smile. "Nothing, honey. You're safe with me." She said in a soft tone that would lull a child into sleep.

She proceeded to tug Syaoran's T-shirt off. He obliged without objection because he didn't even know who he was with.

Kayami felt her heart flutter when she saw Syaoran's bare chest. She blushed and looked away for a second to compose herself from Syaoran's manly physique. In her mind she hated herself but kept saying mentally, 'This is all for you Syaoran.'

With these thoughts she unbuttoned her own shirt and let it fall to the ground. Standing with one less item of clothing made Kayami feel like a child instead of a woman in front of Syaoran.

Syaoran was still in his own deluded world, unable to process what was happening. Kayami unbuckled the belt of her jeans and allowed them to fall to her ankles. She couldn't believe what she was about to do.

"I love you Syaoran. I don't want to trick you but…if it will make you happy in the long run, then I'll do anything."

Syaoran was perfectly still, eyes shut in silent delusion.

Kayami's lips pressed against his, absorbing the warmth and feeling ever so guilty as she did so. She was hooked. His beautifully soft lips called her.

She straddled Syaoran and chained his neck in her arms. She couldn't stop kissing him and running her hand along his abs and grabbing knots of his thick hair with the other. He was everything she wanted, all she had to do was see this plan through and then she'd be one step closer to being able to kiss him whenever she wanted to.

Kayami wrapped her legs around him when she felt his hands on her back. Syaoran began to kiss back. Kiss with desire and passion and yet and the same time, just doing it because he recognised the motion. Kayami moaned when he bit her lip. Her breath caught, she wanted him so bad.

"Wait," He mumbled and pulled away.

Syaoran squinted but Kayami's face didn't become any clearer.

"Kayami stop…" He said just about recognising her.

Kayami panicked once again but was quick to think on her feet.

"No Syaoran," Kayami said smiling widely and kissing his lips softly. "It's me baby, Sakura."

She let her words linger in the air, praying that he would fall for it. Syaoran looked at her baffled, as if seeing a ghost. In the midst of his wild hallucinations, his body and eyes betrayed them.

He no longer saw Kayami's slim face. Her eyes moulded from a light blue to smouldering green. Syaoran blinked twice, and Kayami's face had changed into Sakura's. Sakura's hair, her smooth complexion, her cherry lips.

"Sakura…" He said, almost afraid as he squinted at the illusion.

Kayami nodded.

"I thought…you…"

"I came back for you. I missed you so much baby," Kayami said trying to sound like Sakura but being horribly off the mark.

It didn't matter though, Syaoran mind had locked into the image of Sakura. Once Kayami had uttered her name, Syaoran saw nothing else.

"But…you-"

Kayami once again forced her lips onto Syaoran. "Don't talk baby, just fuck me." She said.

Syaoran raised no questions about the vulgarity of this fake Sakura. He ignored all suspicious behaviour and instead, he indulged this fantasy, mistaking it for reality.

He threw Kayami onto the bed and kicked off whatever items of clothing remained. Kayami was almost winded for the force of Syaoran on top her. His kissed her fiercely, sliding his tongue into her mouth that took Kayami by shock.

Remembering her persona, Kayami reacted. She loved this feeling of Syaoran's utter affection. Syaoran removed her clothing, kissing her all over, making her feel wanted. Kayami couldn't restrain with guilt any longer.

"Syaoran…" she whispered unashamed.

He touched her as he pressed his body against her curves. His didn't question that her body felt different to Sakura's he didn't even notice. The drug's effect was becoming stronger every minute.

Syaoran placed himself between her legs and gave no warning as he entered her.

Kayami could not breath momentarily from the painful yet pleasurable feeling that had commanded her body.

They both moaned.

"Sakura…" Syaoran moaned.

Kayami could have hit something if the weight of Syaoran's body had not been holding her down. He wanted her to say her name. Syaoran stayed where he was as he Kissed Kayami's face and mumbled Sakura's name into her skin. Kayami felt sickly every time he said her name yet, she loved what he was doing to her.

His thrust with wild passion as he lost himself. Kayami couldn't help but to shout his name and pretended, just for a while, that Syaoran wanted her, and only her. She pretended that she was irresistible to Syaoran, that she made him happy.

They carried out the motions of sex. All the while Kayami loving it but hating herself as they climaxed.

Syaoran kissed her all over, whispering almost inaudibly. "Don't leave me again. Stay here…"

"I promise." Kayami whispered with tears beginning to sting her eyes. How could he love Sakura that much? How could he be attached to someone so horrible, so vile and manipulative?

Syaoran was beginning to come of the high of the drug and succumbing to sleep. He held Kayami so tight in his arms, thinking he was keeping Sakura there. Pure passion and love came from his body.

Kayami's trickery was like a rock at the pit of her stomach.

Finally, Syaoran plummeted into a deep sleep in which when he wakes up, he shall remember nothing.

Kayami let her tears fall. She sniffled silently, hating herself for what she'd done but knew she had to, to protect him.

They were not alone.

Takashi emerged from the darkest corner of the room like a malevolent creature of the night.

Flashing a devious smile he looked at Kayami with satisfaction on his face.

"My, my Kayami. You play your part very, very well."

Hearing him say that made Kayami's stomach twist. She had extreme doubts about all of this now. She felt so degraded to be in front of him, like a whore.

Kayami balled her body up, wanting to sink further into Syaoran's arms.

Takashi averted his eyes from her to his camera, which now was loaded with graphic images.

"Yes, these will do perfectly." He said with a sadistic smile.

"Takashi wait!" Kayami bundled the sheets around her naked body. "I changed my mind! I don't want to do this anymore, it isn't right! It's a cruel way to protect Syaoran! Can't we just-"

"Protect him?" Takashi laughed. "Oh you are a fucking dumb one aren't you Kayami?"

Kayami looked at him baffled by his change of tone? "But…"

"No, no dear." He said. Leaning down to her like a parent would to a child. He smiled and pushed the hair from her face. "I want to destroy Syaoran."

"…W-what?"

He tilted his head to the side, keeping that smile on his face.

"I said, I want to destroy Syaoran Li."

"B-but I thought you said he was like a brother to you?"

"You shouldn't trust everyone you sleep with." He snickered. "I won't stop until Syaoran Li is completely miserable. He took the one thing that meant everything to me. The one thing I…truly loved…he shot it right down in front of my eyes." Takashi's voice broke and he looked away.

He walked over to the window. Only in the dim light did Kayami notice that his hand was shaking. Takashi was feeling a cluster of emotions. Pain of losing her, anger for how it was done, rage for those who mocked him and most of all, loneliness.

Takashi was so lonely.

He had so much time to think, and plot this revenge and it fell perfectly.

He would make Syaoran suffer…

"Takashi, Syaoran didn't want to-"

"Don't defend him!" He roared, but Syaoran never stirred. "Do not, ever defend what he did to me." There was a mad look in Takashi's eyes.

"I loved her. I loved Chiharu. She was all I had in this bleak fucking city. There wasn't a bad bone in her body. She was…she was an angel!"

Takashi's hands trembled with rage, making Kayami nervous.

"He took her away from me. My…precious…Chi..." He choked on his tears.

It had occurred to Takashi that he never cried since her death. He remorse through tears once and took a silent stance of morning ever since.

"The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I won't give him the satisfaction. I will see to it that they all suffer."

Kayami sat with her mouth agape.

"What do you mean…'all'"

"They are all guilty. Eriol, Fanran, Sakura, Rika, Tomoyo, Meiling…and more…they all laughed at me. I was just 'humble' Takashi…They mocked me, showed no remorse for Chi."

"Takashi, you're taking this too far! You can't punish them all! Even if you do, then what? Nothing will bring her back! Nothing! What will you gain from this?"

"JUSTICE!" He roared, shunning her into silence. "I will have justice. It is long overdue." He said and turned to leave.

"I'll tell Syaoran everything!" Kayami threatened.

"Tell him what? That his lover tried to reach him but you've cut all contact? Go on. Then tell him how you drugged him and tricked him into fucking you. If you want him to hate you, go ahead."

Kayami backed down in fear. Takashi towered over her, glaring down at her. He was a dark horse waiting for his moment. There was so much evil in Takashi's mind. Something had snapped the day Chiharu died. Something became corrupt and un-savable.

Takashi all this time went under-estimated. If it wasn't Kayami, it would have been someone else he would have used.

Kayami was just the unlucky one Takashi targeted.

"Now, you will carry this out until the end. If I need you, you better co-operate." He threatened.

X x x


	35. Thaw Out This Icy Heart of Mine

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

The air around us went still as Kayami concluded the true events of that night over fourteen years ago.

There were so many messed up things with what she was said. Kayami kept her eyes on her hands, not daring to make eye contact with either of us until she was finished.

"So…" She said concluding and looking up at me and Sakura with her eyes reddening. "Syaoran, he really didn't know you would be waiting for him." Kayami said appealing to Sakura.

Sakura's scornful eyes had dropped to a look of bafflement. She stood rigid, absorbing every word with distain.

"I…Takashi he-he tricked me the whole time. I swear I didn't know. I didn't know that you were pregnant. If I did, I never would have agreed to it!" She begged Sakura to understand, but Sakura was lost for words.

Sakura clasped a hand over her mouth and began to slowly shake her head from side to side; beginning to hope this was all a lie.

"You can't blame Syaoran for what happened. It was my fault; I thought you were a bad person. I didn't know any better at the time! It was only when I saw Rhaya…" Kayami broke off. She could not phrase the right words, not that there was any for her actions. "Takashi wanted to make you leave, for his revenge. I didn't know that you'd be taking your daughter with you. I swear…"

I felt my own stomach twist in utter disgust. I barely remembered that night. I thought I drank too much, I thought I gave into loneliness. I thought my body simply succumbed to Kayami.

But no…she…she…

"Syaoran, I'm sorry." She said and took a step closer to me.

"Don't come near me." I threw my arm out to stop her. "You drugged me. You drugged me!? What…what is wrong with you?" I said with my temper trying to flare but I was in so much shock that I was caught between emotions.

"Syaoran I swear I didn't know I-I thought I was doing what was best for you. When Takashi told me the truth I was too ashamed to tell you so I…"

"So you let me go on thinking that Sakura left me for good?"

"Syaoran please…I wanted to tell you but, it was too hard. I thought that maybe you would forget about her. I never knew you'd…you'd never get over her. I was afraid you'd hate me. I was so ashamed and lonely that If I lost you too…" She broke off.

We heard the thud of Sakura's gun slip out of her hand. Her face was so pale. Her hands trembled as she clasped her hands over her mouth almost like she was trying not to scream.

With trembling knees she staggered away from us towards the river bank. I never saw this side to Sakura. I thought she would break down there and then. She walked down the small hill and slumped to her knees just short of the still river.

My feet remained rooted to the ground. I couldn't get my body to act; nothing would work for me, not my mind or my body.

She waited for me…all these years of thinking I abandoned her. All those years we could have been together, could have loved each other, could have raised our daughter…

I felt the weight of injustice crash down on me. It was such a heavy blow.

"Syaoran," Kayami said.

"I trusted you." I said, interjecting harshly. "I thought you were my friend. You were all I had for a while. All those years you watched me suffer, become so depressed, and you just let me be like that. You allowed me to think that she left me…with my daughter."

"I didn't know she was pregnant-"

"That doesn't matter!" I spat and balled my fists. "It doesn't matter, pregnant or not there is no reason why you shouldn't have told me!"

"But Takashi-"

"FUCK Takashi! You saw how much I loved her. You knew how miserable I was when she left didn't that tell you anything? You knew Kayami! You knew that to some degree Takashi was lying but you chose to believe him because you thought you'd have me!" I shouted.

She embraced herself and took a step back. Her bottom lip began to quiver but I didn't care. The girl in front of me was not my friend, she never was. She was a dire pawn that separated Sakura and I over fourteen years ago.

Kayami began to cry. Her guilt and shame over the years was beginning to cripple her.

"I'm sorry Syaoran. It's all I can say but I mean it…I am so sorry…" She sniffled and looked up. "I know it doesn't change anything. I'll do anything to make it up to you."

I couldn't be with her any longer. I turned away from her before I overloaded. There were more important things to take care of. I was not the only one to be traumatised by this…

"Go and take care of Rae until I get back." I said not even looking over my shoulder to check if she was listening.

Her footsteps faded as she left me.

I followed the trail that Sakura took. The tall grass brushed against my knees. The cool air caught in my lungs. I couldn't breathe right, my head dizzied with this revelation. My heart punched my ribcage with an emotion that I could not fully portray.

Sakura sat at the very bank of the river. Her hands sat on her knees with her head hanging so low that her face could not be seen. She was deathly still, making no movements that showed she was still alive.

I sunk beside her, leaving the smallest gap between us. We could not form words. The only sound that served us was the trickling of the water as it danced around the rocks. The sky was cloudy now which blackened our surroundings even more. For the first time in so long, it felt like we were the only two people in all of Japan. After all the fighting, the distance, the secrets and the lies, we somehow made it back to this…

I was the first to try and speak.

"Don't Syaoran, don't say anything yet." She said with her head still bowed towards the river. Her fingers dug into her jeans in either anger, or distraught.

There were so many thoughts flying thought her head. Memories of that night she thought I abandoned her and Rhaya...

X x x

**Sakura's POV: Flashback**

_I stood on Dayaki Bridge for the third night in a row, the last night._

_With every minute of every night that passed I felt my whole body become number and number. My feet were frozen from their patience and my teeth chattered behind my closed lips. The mist of my own breath created white deformed puffs which disappeared slowly. _

_The eerie silence was so intense that any movement the wind teased made me flinch. My head tipped forward in fatigue. My body was begging for rest but I wouldn't allow it. Not tonight. He has to come, no matter what; Syaoran has to come for me. I know he's gotten my messages. Whenever the phone rings out and he says the brief words at the end before the beep, I get shivers. He still hangs up on me. But I know Syaoran isn't heartless enough to abandon me without showing up himself. He owes me this…_

_I looked at my watch; it was four o'clock in the morning. I knew Tomoyo would be up all night waiting until I came home. I would wait all night though. Maybe he got caught up or something, maybe he taking the train…_

_Finally, through the mist of my inner woes I heard the sound of feet approaching me. My heart thumped and I stayed silent until my brain double checked what I heard. I whirled around and squinted through the fog and made out the silhouette of a man. _

_My heart pulsated at an unhealthy speed. Through the freezing cold I began to sweat. I gulped twice and braced myself to face him. I didn't even know how to tell him. But I was so relieved, so glad he came. He didn't abandon me; he still cares enough to come. I thought I would cry of happiness there and then regardless of what he had to say. _

_The shadow came clearer and clearer into view and a painstakingly slow pace until…_

_Syaoran did not appear. In fact, the one person on this earth I did not expect to be here was grinning sinisterly at me. _

"_Surprised Kinomoto?" He asked and licked his lips. _

_I stuttered for a second. His presence rattled me a little. _

_He laughed a short and dark laugh. "I though as much. Dayaki is a beautiful place isn't it?" He asked and smiled at me. "But then again, you've been here before haven't you?" He said with a tone that unsettled me._

"_What are you doing here Takashi?" I asked and took a step back._

_He stayed put though, looking out onto the fog that concealed the town, as if he was looking out onto a summer's day in Dayaki._

"_I wondered how long you would wait." He chuckled. "I've been watching you, every night for three nights." _

_I gasped, sharply taking in the cold air. "H-how did you-"_

"_Oh what does it matter how I know?" He said and waved the subject off with his hand. "All that matters is that, he's not coming." _

_I felt my heart begin to race again. Blinking twice I could not register his words. _

"_H-he's not?" I asked with my voice crashing down to a whisper. _

_He shook his head slowly, smiling as he did so. "No, he's rather…distracted."_

"_What does that mean?"_

"_Well, himself and Kayami have…become very close. Rather quickly."_

_I gritted my teeth, I went from confused to anger, hurt and envy. "What do you mean?"_

"_Well, I can say that, he's gotten over this phase with you. His obsession with Kayami has begun. Almost like history repeating itself, except this time it's with a different woman."_

"_I-I don't believe you." I yelled despite the tears threatening my composure. _

_Takashi laughed. "Oh Sakura, I'm sorry but, you're in the past now. While you're here waiting for him to come and save you and take you away, he's with her. Do yourself a favour, take yourself and your child and get as far away as possible." _

_I stood baffled that he knew my darkest secret. _

"_Did Syaoran tell you?" I asked with my voice trembling. _

"_How else would I have found out?" He said smirking a little, getting some sick enjoyment out of this. "How else would I have known you were here?"_

_I bit my lip hard until I tasted blood, a sign that this was not a nightmare. "I-I don't believe you." I said meekly._

"_Well, then, here's your proof." He said and took a brown envelope out of his blazer. When he handed it to me I was paralysed by fear. I didn't want to know what Takashi had in his hand. I didn't want to see the evil that might be lurking underneath it but…_

_I took it and peeled it slowly. Its contents slid out into my hand. _

_I felt my face go pale; my whole body loose feeling and succumb to numbness. My eyes struggled to cope with what I was seeing. My knees buckled…_

"_There's more in there." Takashi said as he lit up a cigarette. _

_My hands tried to move but at a glance of the second picture I dropped them all and the fell sharply to the ground like ninja stars. They spread out around my feet to form a sick collage of betrayal._

_I retreated backwards frantically as if the pictures of him and Kayami were snakes. My back hit the cold heartless steel of the bridge. _

_I don't know what possessed me but I took out my phone and with trembling fingers I dialled Syaoran's number. I had to hear it from him. It can't be real; none of this could be real unless I heard it from him. _

_The phone rang on and on until finally…_

"_Hello?" answered a groggy female voice._

_I felt daggers dive into my chest at that moment. I could barely speak._

_"I-Is Syaoran there?" I asked meekly, terrified of the answer._

_There was a pregnant pause the was antagonizing long. "He's asleep." She said abruptly._

_I dared to ask the question. "I this Kayami?" I barely whispered._

"…_Yes…" _

_The phone dropped out of my hands and broke into three pieces on the cold ground. _

"_Believe me now?" He asked and raised an eyebrow._

_I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even speak. I wanted to disappear into the ground, to crawl under a rock until I woke up from this terrible, terrible nightmare. He…he left me for her. I was nothing to him, just used until he found someone else. _

_And I'm with his child and he…he…_

_I ran away faster than the speed of a bullet. I ran away from Takashi, the messenger, away from those pictures of unfaithfulness, away from the past. I didn't even want to know how or why Takashi did that, what was in it for him. I just couldn't be there I- I wanted to die._

_Syaoran…I hate you. I thought I once hated you with everything I had but now I realize, I truly despise you with all of my heart. You've made a fool of me, crushed me time and time again. But this time, I am done with you. _

_I stopped running when I felt a sharp pain in my belly. I placed a hand over it and crunched up into a ball of turmoil. I cried so hard and ached all over._

_You've done it now Syaoran. You've lost not only me now…you've lost out on our child…The next time I see you, I want you dead…_

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

Another minute passed.

Finally, she looked up to the sky, eyes red with tears.

"All this time, I thought you didn't want me. I thought you knew about Rhaya, I thought you didn't want her…us." She chocked and bit her bottom lip. "I began to hate you…so much. And I...I"

She threw her head into her hands and sobbed.

"Sakura,"

She shrugged my hands off her. "Don't be nice to me Syaoran!" She said and took a distraught tone. "I don't deserve it! Not after what I did to you! I gave up our daughter!" Her voice broke off.

She shut her eyes tightly and shook her head and if saying it out loud killed her inside. "I gave her away because, I gave up on everything. I didn't want to do it alone, I couldn't…" Her eyes welled up to create an expression unsuited to her assassin nature. "And even worse, I gave her up because I wanted to hurt you."

I sat there on the cold dirt watching as her white complexion become stained with red. She appeared like the lost girl she was when I first saw her, so innocent to the world around her. Yes, I was angry. She gave up Rae and purposely took her out of my life. She could have tried to reach me despite my relations with Kayami. No matter what I did to her, no matter how I hurt her, she shouldn't have denied me my daughter.

"Why didn't you try again? You could have reached me, you were in Tomoeda since. I know you've been visiting Rika's grave." I said softly in attempt to not sound to forceful yet getting across that she had done a crime against me out of hate.

She lifted her head up to face the starless sky. Her eyes glowed wide and green.

"I thought about it. So many times I wanted to tell you. I thought you left Tomoeda years ago. I couldn't understand why you were still there. But…even if I did find you again, I wouldn't have told you. I hated you, and for some time, I wanted to kill you personally. I was heartbroken Syaoran. I was bitter and that only became worse as the years went by." Her voice sounded so tired, so warred down by the years of hate towards me. "I was nineteen Syaoran. I was so young and then all of a sudden I was having a baby, and I didn't have you. I was heartbroken and angry and confused. I didn't know how to take care of a baby." She chocked on her last words.

I felt her raw emotion. I wouldn't even know how to grasp what she went through. We were both kids ourselves who went through so much more than we had to. Forced to grow up to survive the harshness of the world. And through it all, she thought I left her. She thought I sought comfort in another woman. How wrong that was.

"How could you think I abandoned you Sakura? How could you think I left you for Kayami? Didn't you think it was too suspicious? Wouldn't you have tried to get me?"

"Syaoran…" She said in a tired voice. "I don't think it needs to be said but, you've hurt me so many times, in ways I didn't think you were capable of. I never thought you would sleep with Meiling, I never thought you would kill my mother, I never thought you were capable of telling me you didn't love me and sell me off to a rival organization like a piece of meat." She said stiffly.

I suddenly felt the weight of all my past guilt push down on me.

"You can see, you've surprised me so many times Syaoran. Crushed me in ways I never thought possible. So when Takashi came that night, I thought you were capable of anything. I didn't want to believe it Syaoran, but you're past doesn't stand a good case for you."

I said nothing. She had a good point. How many times did I let her down? Feign heartlessness and lied to her? My only justice was, I did it all to protect her…

"But still…" I said persisting. "Why punish Rae? All she ever wanted was for you to be in her life. She

grew up with no parents-"

"It wasn't meant to be that way. I told Tomoyo to raise her as her own. The whole 'Aunt Tomoyo' thing was never part of the deal." She said.

"But why Sakura? Why couldn't you have been there for her at least? Why did she have to have neither of us?"

"Because that didn't work out so well for me!" She shouted suddenly and bolted to her feet.

She was angry now as she stormed away from me.

"Wait! Don't walk away you owe me some answers! After all these years you owe me that at least!"

She stopped walking and balled her fists thickly. But when she looked at me there wasn't anger in her face, but turmoil. A look that told me that I wouldn't understand what was going through her mind.

"What do you mean it didn't work out for you?"

"Look at my mother! She was an assassin, she thought she could raise me and my brother and look where that got her! DEAD! I never had a proper mother, just occasional moments with her and the rest was living in fear under my father! I had a miserable childhood. Even now that she's dead, a part of me resents her! Resents her for bringing me up around Tomoeda, resent her for not being there and resent her for letting herself die! You think if I tried to take care of Rhaya Clow wouldn't use her against me? You don't think she'd be in danger around me? Of course she would! No one is safe with me or you! What sort of parents would we make Syaoran? Two killers? My mother couldn't do it and I can't help but to hate her a little for leaving me! I don't want Rhaya to hate me! If she didn't know me and I died at least she wouldn't hate me for doing what I do best, killing.

It wasn't fair to put her through that. It's just selfish!"

"No Sakura!" I yelled in frustration. "No matter what happened I would have _never_ let anything happen to either of you. I would have taken care of you. I would have done everything to protect you, always!"

Sakura snapped her mouth shut and looked away. "I know you would have." She said meekly and clutched her chest. "But if you died, then I never would have forgiven myself."

The whooshing of the wind around us was the only sound. The branches of the willow trees reached forwards lazily only to fall back into their original state repeatedly.

"It was too hard Syaoran." She said with her back to me. "I just couldn't do it. I've been knocked down again and again to the point where I don't want to take it anymore. It wasn't that I didn't love her. I think about her every single day. Every day I wasn't with her killed me. But…I'm only human Syaoran. I couldn't do it by myself. I'm too damaged; I could never have been a proper mother to her. Not like Tomoyo was. I thought you abandoned me. I thought I was alone." She whispered.

This was Sakura in her raw form. She was discarding her cold shell in front of me. The truth was being laid out so clearly that to hear it now was a lot to take. I saw her vulnerability. Beneath all the years of hardness she built up still stood the girl I saw in the warehouse fourteen those years ago. She hadn't changed, she simply adapted to the life I brought her into. She was still my Sakura.

"You're wrong." I said closing this ever present gap between us. I looked down at her soft brown hair, fighting the urge to touch it, smell her, hold her. "Beneath all of this, all your anger and hate, you're everything Rhaya's ever needed."

She shook her head. "No Syaoran, _you're _all she needs. You've been in her life five minutes and she loves you so much. She wants to be with you. You heard her, she doesn't want me. I've finally after so long have come back into her life and…I'm the bad guy. And I hate it, I hate how close she is with you. When I first seen you with her I-I was so…jealous. I want that. That's all I want. I admit, I wanted to take her from you…because I wanted to hurt you. And because…I just wanted to…see her. I didn't do it in the best way…"

Slowly Sakura turned around with tears and red cheeks. "I'm always the bad guy. No matter what I do, I'm always doing the wrong thing. I'm not trying to hurt her."

"I know you're not." I said and took the brave move of touching her cheek with the back of my finger. The feeling of her soft cheek sent Goosebumps all over my body. Her head slightly leaned into my hand. Not so much, just a little to show she liked the action.

"But, she acts tough on the outside. And she is but, she's sensitive too. She needs to be comfortable around you. That can only come from you."

Sakura smiled a little. "I don't think I can compete with you Syaoran. It might be too late for me to form any relationship with her."

"That's not true, she cares about you."

"I don't know anything about her. For years I've watched her from a distance. You call her 'Rae' instead of 'Rhaya'. I never even knew she had a nickname. I'm her mother; I should know that shouldn't I? Shouldn't I? She's afraid of me, of what I am. I can never make that better."

"Do you think it was easy for me to get along with a kid that turns up after fourteen years? I didn't think I could ever become a parent. But she's, so different to us. She's amazing Sakura, and she loves you. Ever since you met back in Tomoeda she's never been the same. But she needs answers from you. You can understand that can't you?"

Sakura crossed her arms and looked away.

"I don't know." She said meekly in a dying voice. "I'm starting to think that maybe you were right all along. Maybe I should just leave her to you. She's happier here. If I just left she'd be safe with you." Sakura said this more to herself, as if trying to convince herself that her presence here is poison.

"If you leave her after coming back into her life, then you will never have a chance with her." I said sternly. "She needs you even if she doesn't know it yet. You're her mother, I can never replace that. Despite both our messed up pasts, she's normal. Better than that, she's an amazing and forgiving kid Sakura. But if you let her down and leave, there's no point in coming back. I won't forgive you either."

Sakura's embrace around herself tightened. She was contemplating.

"I don't feel like I….deserve another chance."

"You deserve happiness."

She fumbled for a reply. "No I don't…all those years I thought you wronged me…all those years, they could have been so different." She said faintly.

I gulped. I too had thought of how this could all have played out had Kayami not have been a vital pawn in a sadistic game conjured up by Takashi. What would it have been like? Sakura, Rae and me. Would we have been a family? Would we have been happy? Or would we have gotten caught…and killed? So many years we could have simply…been together.

I knew she was thinking this too. I took a few steps towards her and placed my hands cautiously on her arms as to not scare her away. Looking deep into her eyes I said, "You have to stop putting all the blame on yourself Sakura. I've done so much to you. I've hurt you, took your family, life, happiness away from you and still, you waited for me. You carried our child alone. I should have found a way back to you instead of wallowing in self-pity. You had every right to hate me before that night you left. I don't understand why you would have wanted me in your life after what I did to you and yet you wanted me there with you and Rhaya."

Sakura bit her lip but her eyes never left mine. I loved those eyes, they never changed.

"Even after everything that has happened, we found a way back to each other, alive. I've waited so long for this day. I don't care about what happened in the past. I don't care about any of it. I just want to know what you want Sakura. Because we both know I'd take my own life before killing you. I've lost you twice already; I'm not going to do it again."

She showed hesitation as she twitched in my hands. But my hands tightened around my arms. I won't let her go this time. She opened her mouth twice to say something but came up with silence. She closed her eyes to gather her thoughts before puffing her chest to speak.

"Syaoran…do you care about Kayami?"

Her question threw me. I dropped my hands from her shoulders.

"Because if you do," She said with her eyes closing with worry. "You shouldn't leave her because I came back. She seems to really love you and what she did…I truly believe she wanted what was best for you."

"When you left…" I choose my words carefully. Not because I wanted to hide anything from her, but to show her my feelings for Kayami as they truly were. "I was alone. Kayami…she was there, as my friend. I knew how she felt about me but…I couldn't return my feelings yet, I didn't want her to leave because, I couldn't take the loneliness."

"Did you sleep with her after that night?" She said in a soft voice that harboured no anger or jealousy.

I nodded. "It meant nothing. It was just-"

"To numb the pain inside." She finished for me and looked blankly out towards the river.

I didn't like how she knew exactly what I meant, as if she experienced the same thing.

"Yue?" I said summing up my suspicion and feeling a tinge of anger in the pit of my stomach.

She nodded. The thoughts of her with him…

A few minutes passed us by. So we both sought other people to distract ourselves from being apart. I always had suspicions about Yue. I never thought he'd advance on them yet, I was not there to keep Sakura as mine.

"What are we doing Syaoran?" She asked laughing nervously. Her laugh was so…refreshing. I never thought I'd hear her laugh ever again. "Up until twenty minutes ago…I hated you. I hated you so much and now…There's no reason to. I'm still hurt but…I'm more sad. Sad that I let my hate take so many years from what our lives could have been. I don't know what to feel, I don't know what to think. I just want you to know that I am so, so sorry for what I did. I'm so sorry." Tears rolled down her cheeks but she smiled through them, like pushing through the pain.

"Sakura, let's stop apologising. We're doing too much of that." I cupped her face and kissed her.

They say that a moment like this requires explosions of a romantic nature. But there were no explosions. My lips that pressed perfectly into hers were like a candle burning hot. A candle that was never extinguished, but burned slowly and patiently despite the forces of nature. The same passion, the same love now burning intensely. Because Sakura and I were never truly over. We were just distant, a love prevented by the grim world we lived in. But, we were never destroyed, because she was undoubtedly meant for me, and I, for her. She took this ice heart of mine and thawed it into something lovable. She killed the monster inside me. Without her, I am nothing. We both became such cold creatures over time. Only when we are together, are we truly our full selves.

Our love had found a way to survive this grim world so far, it would not be extinguished any time soon.

I've been asked many times why I've kept going on, why I've never moved on. It was all for her. The only reason I strived to live was because I dreamed that one day I would find my way back to her. And I would wait another fourteen years for her if I had to.

When our lips parted her eyes locked onto mine in a gaze that was unbreakable, like my love for her.

"Even after everything, every day I told myself that I never wanted to see you again, that I didn't love you…I don't think I ever stopped loving you Syaoran Li…" She said breaking off because her voice gave way, as did her knees.

Unable to hold her own weight she allowed me to hold us both upright as she cried with what I believed was closure. Her whole body shook out the evil's that consumed her. She cried for both of us, for all the years we lost due to unfair circumstances beyond our control.

There was a whole new light on us now. It was like the weight of our heartache was over. I'm not losing her this time. This time, regardless of what happens, she is reunited with me now.

Of course, this was not over. It was not that simple. As long as there was Clow Reed and Li rebels out there, we were never truly safe. For now, my love and would not think of the outside world. We would stay like this for as long as we could.

The darkest hour was approaching; our love was still to be tested…

Even if dark forces drove her away again, I would go to the darkest corner of the world to bring her back…

X x x

**THE END...**

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**JUST KIDDING! Still a few more chapters to come before the finale :P**

**Hopefully in the next chapter I'll cover what happened in-between from Sakura's pregnancy till the day Rhaya left for Tomoeda in a nut-shell. (Not too much to write about!) :P**

**I know the POV's get confusing I'm trying to make them as clear as I can! Stay with me till the end!**

**Well I hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

**R&R!**


	36. The In-between

**K really sorry this took absolutely AGES to upload!**

**I literally just finished up college exams there yesterday so I am feeeeee!**

**Basically these two chapters are just summing up every thing that happened from Sakura's pregnancy to Rae's departure! I did most of it in Normal POV because it was easier than switching POV's so many times!**

**I didn't put a time period for most of them either because most of them are self-explanatory but if your confused nearly everything within the two chapters is in chronological order. **

**Enjoy!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

Through the blackness of this strange night a silhouette appeared by the porch door.

I bolted upright from the table with my heart racing. I gulped and questioned as to why there was only one silhouette and not two. My mind began to imagine there millions of violent possibilities of why that was.

They promised not to hurt each other…they promised me…what went wrong?

As my heart thumped in my ears a hand pushed against the glass on the porch door. The woman walked in with her head low and her long body slightly crippled.

Kayami threw her long hair behind her shoulder and rubbed her face like the weight of the world had crashed down on her...twice.

I stood still watching as she took heavy and depressive steps into the house like she knew she just didn't belong in this place.

She froze when she saw me. Her eyes were puffy from a confrontation I had no knowledge of. Her eye liner smudges against her raw cheeks into patches of black shame. She cleared her throat and to my surprise, forced a fake smile.

"Hey, I thought you would be in bed or something." She said with a nervous laugh.

"So, did I," I said. "But for some reason I simply cannot sleep." I said with my voice laced with sarcasm.

Kayami's face dropped and she looked around nervously, probably feeling stupid that she said such a thing when outside, my parents were reunited for the first time in fourteen years.

Kayami embraced herself and kept a faint trace of a smile on her lips. She could fool no one; she was raw with emotion and ready to crumble at any moment. I found myself unable to say anything to her or make small talk.

I, who was usually a curious and some-what nosey person did not want to know anything about Kayami. I've seen the misery my father has gone through. I've seen the bitterness in my mother and also the unbearable pain they both felt from being apart and it was all because of Kayami. Whatever she did.

Kayami embraced herself and sat on the stool opposite me but not daring to look at me. She was reflecting a on what happened, on what I desperately wished to know.

"Why are you still here?" I asked through my teeth and crossed my arms.

Kayami's eyebrows furrowed, slightly taken aback by my harshness.

"Syaoran asked me to look after you." She said with her eyes saddening.

"Are they ok? Is either of them hurt?"

Kayami shook her head. "No, they're both fine. They just need to…talk." Kayami's voice saddened to a whisper towards the end. Then in contrasted, she forced another smile my way and said, "Fourteen years and still, they can't stay away from each other. Crazy isn't it. I don't believe in fate but, well there you have it. You'd think after s long Syaoran would forget about her but, true love and all that…"

Kayami rambled at a speed so fast that full stops stopped existing at one point. She laughed and smiled and giggled as she talked about how great it was that Syaoran and Sakura were back together and that she was so happy for them. All the while her voice was animated, forced and too cheery to be taken seriously until-

Kayami threw her head into her hands and hunched over. I saw nothing but her shoulders shake over her bent body. She scrunched up in agony as faint sobs and cries escaped her throat.

My jaw dropped and I sat in shock at Kayami, who was so confident, so smug and sure of herself, crying over….Syaoran?

She should cry, she should feel bad, she should hate herself but…I couldn't help but to think that if aunt Tomoyo was still alive, she would act different, and expect different of me. With that thought (and guilt) on my mind I went to the top press and was surprised to see a pink box of tissues still there from when Tomoyo used to do her daily clean up.

I stood in front of Kayami with the box in my hand. I coughed to get her attention. She whipped a tissue from the box and blew her nose. Her head hung lowly with despair in her clear raw eyes.

I crept into the stool beside her. The anger I felt towards her at the start trickled down into pity.

"You…really loved Syaoran didn't you?" I found myself saying.

There was no beating around the bush. Things were so messed up already that there was no point in pretending to be sensitive around each other.

Kayami nodded and sighed. "I think I still do kid." She half laughed and looked down at her hands. "But, he was never, truly happy with me, you know that anyway."

I nodded and glanced out the window and into the dark night where I could see no one but the stars slowly coming into view behind the wispy clouds.

"I'm sorry kid." She said and sniffled. "Grown up problems are not something to share with children."

"Well excuse my manners but I've been beaten, kidnapped, lied to, shot at, thrown into a different life and have lost the one woman who was there for me her whole life, I am most certainly not, a child." I said sternly.

Kayami nodded, "I guess you're not a kid. It's a shame your life turned out like this." She said.

"Don't pity me. My aunt Tomoyo raised me well and now…I have Syaoran, whose trying his best to take care of me."

Kayami looked at me for the longest time. I knew in her head she was trying to suss me out.

"Kid-"

"My name is Rhaya." I said and stared back at her.

She nodded. "Rhaya, I want you to know, that what happened wasn't my entire fault. I know I sound like a broken record but, there is a worse person than me who tried to keep your parents away from each other. But even so, I did a horrible thing that pried you from your family, and for that, believe me, I am so, so sorry."

Kayami's lip quivered but she held it together, determined not to cry.

Kayami truly was a beautiful woman. Perfect skin, slender body, sharp nose, long thick wavy hair down to her waist…she would be considered beautiful by any man. She looked like she was plucked straight out of a magazine. She probably could have anyone, and was probably told so, but all she wanted was my father, whose heart belonged to another.

"My Aunt Tomoyo told me to never hate anyone for what they did to you, because that person most likely has suffered more pain than you have." I bit my lip, "You eventually did the right thing Kayami. So…I can't really hate you when in reality, you brought them back together…"

Kayami's lips parted. "Oh honey, please don't be nice to me."

"So thank you Kayami," I said. "Thank you for bringing them back together, even if it only lasts for a little while."

"No honey." She said smiling. "It's you who brought them back, it's you whose made Syaoran happy, it's you that's given us all something to fight for. I haven't seen Syaoran this happy in so long. I've tried for years and in a matter of months, you did what everyone thought was impossible. I feel so ashamed that I denied him that for so long."

I was taken aback by what Kayami said. Is it true? Did I save my parents? In my innocence and naivety did I re-open this feeling of love that was so forbidden in this cruel world?

Kayami and I sat in silence and waited until the re-united lovers came back with some sort of verdict.

I looked up at the wall and saw a picture of myself and Tomoyo of a time so far back I couldn't even remember.

My cheek were red and chubby with baby fat, two front teeth missing, Tomoyo smiling and kissing my cheek.

My mother must have struggled to no end when she was carrying me inside her.

She was lucky to have someone like Tomoyo at her side. Those in-between years from when my parents parted until I, by fate, wandered back into their lives, are years that I believe I'm better off not knowing.

Those years of yearning for each other, of utter loneliness, were probably the most painful of them all…

X x x

**Normal POV:**

"This is where we'll set up the babies play area!" Tomoyo said as she tugged Sakura's hand into the living room and pointed out a square on the open space. "And here, we'll set up the fire at night and maybe watch the news or something. You can even get a play mat so the baby never has to be out of your sight!" Tomoyo said with over-the-top cheeriness as she brought Sakura from room to room of Tomoyo's grandmother's house in the valleys.

But no amount of false exaggerated excitement would transfer over to Sakura's blank, emotional face. Since Sakura came back on the third day of waiting for Syaoran, she did not utter a word to Tomoyo. Still in shock and heart-break, Sakura's lips refused to part to eat or speak. She didn't cry, like Tomoyo thought she would. She didn't harbour any expression on her face except an emotionless stare and blank green eyes that looked past anything and into noting.

Sakura was not the same. Something had crippled her into a disturbing silence. The whole train journey home, Tomoyo had to force her to her feet, to walk, to do any motion.

And here they were in this new house that they were going to start again. An old but beautiful house in the quiet lazy valley where the sound of gunshots were unfamiliar to the green hills.

Yet Sakura could absorb none of its beauty as Tomoyo had to tug her like a rag doll around the house.

"This is the kitchen." She said with her smile becoming harder to maintain. "Imagine, the high chair there," Tomoyo said pointing to the counter. "and look at all the garden space outside for him or her to run around in! We can even get a swing set!"

But Sakura's face remained despairingly quiet.

Tomoyo lost face.

"Sweetheart," Tomoyo said touching her face.

Sakura stared above her Tomoyo's head at a vast nothing, seeming not to hear Tomoyo at all.

Tomoyo felt her heart break and cursed Syaoran for whatever he did to break Sakura so.

An hour later Tomoyo cooked a small dinner and placed it in front of Sakura. Sakura didn't move, she didn't feel any hunger despite not eating in four days.

"Sakura please, just take a bite." Tomoyo begged.

When Sakura did not answer Tomoyo felt herself losing it.

"Sakura!" Tomoyo said slamming her hand onto the table.

Sakura did not flinch at the sudden action but was pulled away from her spacing out and looked at Tomoyo with her face a sickening pale white.

"Sakura, I don't know what happened on Dayaki bridge but I know you're hurt beyond belief. You may be mad at Syaoran, even the whole world right now and you have every right to be but-" Tomoyo swallowed hard. "But don't you dare put your baby in danger. Do you hear me!? You are pregnant and that child in your needs food to survive. Whatever hate and hurt you are feeling suck it up and don't you DARE take it out on that baby!"

Tomoyo had only ever raised her voice like that to Eriol before. It was only a necessity, a way to get through to someone.

Sakura, for the first time in days, looked at Tomoyo instead of through her. Her lips parted as if suddenly she was thrown back to reality.

"Eat!" Tomoyo commanded.

Sakura looked down at her food and with shaky unsure hands, she took a bite. Even though she had no hunger and did not want any of it. She forced herself to eat. Bite after bite Tomoyo watched her with stern eyes.

Sakura felt a horrible feeling in her chest. She knew what it was but did not want to face it, she wanted to bury in deep down inside of her until she could feel numb again. But the feeling was rising, her brain mentally travelling back to that night with Takashi. She chocked as fat tears spilled over her eyes. She felt sick. She wanted to die. She couldn't take this pain. How could someone hurt so bad? She thought.

She gripped the fork in her hand and keeled over slightly.

"Keep eating." Tomoyo commanded, showing no sympathy towards her.

Sakura did what she was told until every last bit on her plate was gone. She placed the fork beside her plate and gave way to the inner pain that tormented her.

Tomoyo's stony persona vanished as she caught Sakura before she hit the floor.

"Good girl." Tomoyo soothed. "I'm sorry, but I had to make you eat. I'm sorry Sakura." She rocked Sakura back and forth as Sakura balled on Tomoyo's shoulder.

Tomoyo kissed her head trying to erase the bad thoughts that consumed Sakura's mind and wondered how they would ever get through the next seven months.

X x x

"Syaoran, talk to me," Kayami whined and touched his shoulder.

Syaoran shrugged her hand off him and threw his coat on.

Kayami pretended not to be hurt by this as she threw her clothes on.

"Syaoran, it was just a drunken night. People have sex on drunken nights so relax."

Syaoran was far from relaxed. All he could remember was going to the bar for Kayami's birthday then…nothing at all. He felt sick from whatever he drank and tried to remember what happened unaware that he was drugged.

He felt sick just thinking about being with another woman. Especially Kayami. The guilt was so intense that he shook his head just to stop thinking about it.

"Syaoran, come on-"

"Tell me exactly what happened again." Syaoran said just hoping it wasn't true.

Kayami felt her stomach twist as she formed another lie. "We both got really, really drunk, we came home and…we had sex. There's no great mystery Syaoran we were both just really, really horny."

Syaoran ran a hand through his hair. He did not want to accept that it just simply happened. No way. He couldn't have just slept with her due to alcohol.

Yet…Syaoran could not think of anything else. He had to take her word.

He gave Kayami and icy glare and said through his teeth. "No one is to ever, EVER find out about this. Do you understand?" He said with a look that told her he would indeed kill her should the secret ever escape her mouth.

Kayami nodded and ignored her heart which began to break. "No one will know. I'll keep it a secret."

X x x

Three days later Syaoran brought himself to visit Sakura' apartment again, only to find that it was not the same.

There were boxes stacked high and reaching towards the ceiling. The furniture was spaced out to sit by the walls. Behind the boxes Syaoran could hear two people mumbling incoherently to each other. Finally, Naoko's head popped over one of the boxes. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose which magnified her brown eyes.

"Oh, hi." She said meekly and duked under again.

"What's going on?" Syaoran said squinting and tip-toeing around the mess.

"We're evacuating." Fanran said coming out from the doorway with a face of pure exhaustion. She had not slept in days. The pressure she was put under recently was taking its toll and leaving her weak.

"Meiling…she's, excusing us."

"She's what?"

Fanran gulped and sighed. Her blonde hair was down around her shoulder which was rare for her. She was so tired she looked as if she would faint. The apartment was stripped of its furniture.

"But…why?"

Fanran looked to the ground and sighed before facing her brother.

"Meiling she…she was smarter than we thought."

"What does that mean?" Syaoran asked as he scrunched his eyebrows together.

"She was training people without telling us. She knows our loyalty is slipping. She could see it a mile off. She trained a new army months ago. Her excusing us is merely for her pleasure. She's going to chase us down one by one. It's a trick."

"Then why are you moving out?"

"Meiling isn't paying for our housing anymore. She's making us suffer to make ends meet. I'm moving to a smaller apartment on the west side."

Syaoran raised his eyebrows in shock. "You're still going to work for her? After everything she's done!?"

"What else have I Syaoran? This is all I've ever known! Who would hire me? Someone with no records? As much as I hate it Syaoran, not all of us are blessed to be able to walk away from Li and Meiling like you." Fanran said coldly referring to Syaoran's abrupt leaving without Meiling's permission.

Syaoran said nothing and Naoko looked down in slight embarrassment.

Syaoran's eye caught Sakura's room door slightly ajar. He walked towards it feeling very heavy and full of guilt. Once inside he felt his heart tighten. Sitting on Sakura's old bed he looked around him.

The curtains were different, the wardrobe harboured different clothes and the bed sheets were not the same but Syaoran could mentally see the essence of Sakura. He remembered comforting her here on the first night when he told her not to cry, to toughen up, to be brave. He remembered when he caught her staring at him, he remembered when his feelings for her changed. He remembered the feel of her skin and the utter guilt of his sins.

Fanran entered and sighed at her brother. She too, remembered a happier time when Syaoran was a stronger man who was in love. She recalled that it was the happiest moment of his.

"If you want to take anything here, now is your chance. Kayami's moving out too. This apartment will be a ghost town soon."

"It doesn't have to be." Syaoran said and ran a hand over the pillow. "What if I lived here…" He trailed off.

Fanran bit her lip in worry and wrapped her arm around Syaoran's.

"I would normally tell you that's a bad idea. I should tell you that being around somewhere she used to be…will hurt you. But you're just going to do it anyway."

Syaoran nodded. When Kayami moves her stuff out, he'd replace everything that was Sakura's back to where it was exactly…like a shrine…

X x x

In the seventh month of Sakura's pregnancy, much had changed.

The house which Tomoyo had claimed would be theirs was made a home by an increasing amount of furniture, carpet stripping and obsessive cleaning. Tomoyo worked every single day to turn the house into a home. Not just because she had slight obsessive compulsive disorder, but she wanted Sakura to see for herself visually that there was a chance for her and her baby.

Sakura didn't speak much during the months of pregnancy. Instead she always sat on the back porch on the old swing chair slowly rocking back and forth with her hand always protectively placed on her stomach.

Sometimes Tomoyo caught her smiling to herself. Sometimes Sakura wore her mask of stony expression. Sakura was obedient though. She ate when Tomoyo told her to; she rested and didn't strain herself. Tomoyo was always around her determined that Sakura's pregnancy, despite all the hardships her body and mind have gone through, would be a safe one.

On a cool Autumn afternoon, Tomoyo joined Sakura on the porch with a glass of ice cold lemonade. She placed it onto the small table in front of her and eased herself into the chair.

Sakura's finger traced a circle around her stomach. Sakura was lost in a good daze.

"Any thoughts on baby names?" Tomoyo asked placing her hand on Sakura's rounded belly.

Sakura looked out onto the darkening sky.

"I have one in mind."

"Not long now." Tomoyo said with some giddiness.

Over the months Tomoyo had tried to keep a boundary between herself and the baby growing inside Sakura but…she couldn't help the excitement inside of her. Tomoyo also couldn't ignore the slight jealousy that it wasn't her who would be having a child. She didn't want to be too emotionally attached. This was Sakura's baby, not Tomoyo's.

Neither of them talked about what exactly what would happen after the birth. For a while they both presumed that Sakura and the baby would stay here but…for how long? Tomoyo hated to think about that. If Sakura wanted, she could leave with the child to start a life somewhere else, somewhere safer.

Tomoyo feared for what lay ahead of her. No Eriol…no Sakura…she would be alone again.

As if Sakura could read her mind, she spoke.

"Tomoyo…." Sakura said in a tone that slightly scared Tomoyo.

Tomoyo parted her lips slightly nervous. The way Sakura's face darkened slightly told her that Tomoyo would not like what she had to say.

"I've been thinking a lot lately….about after the baby is born."

Tomoyo nodded and braced herself for heartbreak.

Sakura hand took Tomoyo's and for the first time in a long time, Sakura looked into Tomoyo's eyes with her mind completely focused. Tomoyo was use to Sakura's half there half spaced out presence.

"Tomoyo…if it weren't for you and your…kindness over the past few months, I would be in a very bad place. You've given me so much kindness and I…I haven't done anything to deserve it." Sakura showed the faintness smile to her friend as her eyes began to well up.

Sakura blinked back any tears that threatened to disrupt her.

"My whole life, I've been let down by nearly everyone. My father, my brother, my mother, Syaoran….everyone but…but you Tomoyo." Sakura placed a hand on her chest to ease the tightening in her heart. "You are the kindest, and more loving person I know. But I…I'm damaged Tomoyo. And I thought that by having this baby I could redeem myself from all the bad things I've done but…I can't. There's no redeeming myself from my sins. I'm a bad person Tomoyo. It's in my blood to do wrong."

"No Sakura that isn't true! That's your father talking, manipulating you! You are a good person and you will be a great mother."

"No! I won't." Sakura said and bit down hard on her lip. "I killed so many people Tomoyo. I can't look into my child's eyes and be a role model. And…." Sakura chocked off as if afraid to speak her next words.

"And…what?"

Sakura didn't stop the tears from falling this time and just said what was plaguing her mind since the day she found out she was carrying Syaoran's child.

"And…I'm afraid that I'll…that I'll hate my own child."

Tomoyo went into slight shock.

"You see…how can I be a good mother? My father despised me because my mother loved another. I reminded him of my mother. What if I have a boy, who looks exactly like Syaoran? Every day I will be reminded of him, of his betrayal. How can I love a child who reminds me of the pain? I can't! Can't you see Tomoyo? It will be just like me and my father. I don't want my child to hate me. I can't raise it. I can't be a mother. I don't even know how to love anymore. I'm cold."

"Sakura what you're saying is crazy! Of course you will love your child! There is no question! You just think this now…"

"No." Sakura protested. "I can't do this. I just can't. That's why," Sakura squeezed Tomoyo's hand. "That's why I want you to take care of the baby."

Tomoyo's mouth dropped and she began to shake her head.

"You have to trust me Tomoyo, I know what I'm doing. I want you to raise this child. I know how much you wanted one with Eriol. It's all you ever wanted. I want to give this to you."

"No Sakura!"

"The promise me this." Sakura said sternly. "If something were to happen to me, promise me you will protect the child."

Tomoyo gave a suspicious silence. Tomoyo knew, that Sakura's low feelings of self-worth would cause her to do something reckless but…She had no choice but to promise Sakura that she would protect her child and raise her as her own should something happen to Sakura.

Tomoyo disappeared into the kitchen to finish up some last minute things and to collect herself after their conversation.

As the night began to descend into a deeper shade of black Sakura never took her focus off the other person who lurked in the darkness, waiting for Sakura to be alone. Sakura's heart beat that little bit faster to know that he was waiting there for her. She did not look at him, but rather, she focused on the night sky as his presence edged closer.

"How long do you plan on watching me…Yue?" She asked and sighed because he chose to wait in darkness.

Alas Yue emerged from the darkness with a solemn look upon his pale face. Sakura forgot how icy and cold his stare could be. In those grey eyes he looked down upon Sakura and her late stage of pregnancy.

Sakura ignored his hostile stance and smiled at her old and dear friend.

"It's been a while. I was wondering when you were going to find me." She said calmly.

Yue stiffened at the gentleness of her voice. He never seen Sakura like this. The strange and human-like aura that emitted from her made him drop his assassin mode for a second. Yue's own heart beat. Not because he was send by Clow to find and kill Sakura for running away from him, but because he never seen Sakura so…content. He was use to the girl that was hard, ruthless and desirable in his eyes.

After she had run away from him at the train stop over seven month ago Yue could not stop thinking about her. He regretted his harsh words. He wished he followed her and dragged her back kicking and screaming.

When Clow sent him to find her, Yue guiltily prayed that Sakura would be in a terrible condition, begging for Yue to take her back to Clow, for her to realize that Syaoran was a terrible, terrible mistake.

Instead, he found her in her most serene state, with Syaoran's child.

Yue's fists clenched.

"You know me Sakura," He said through gritted teeth. "I'm good at finding people."

Sakura nodded and flicked her green eyes down to her pregnant belly and smiled softly. "Are you going to kill me Yue?"

Yue held onto his gun. He hesitated, something Yue never did. Yue was the most loyal of Clow's employee's. He always followed orders but…when it came to Sakura, his demands became blurry.

Glancing through the window he saw Tomoyo had left the kitchen, completely not noticing Yue's presence.

Yue edged closer and sat on the long chair beside Sakura. His posture was stiff, afraid to relax.

"Whys so hesitant Yue?" Sakura asked and tilted her head to the side.

Yue stammered for a second. Sakura's hand placed itself on his hand that held the gun.

"I know you're not that heartless Yue. You can kill me. But my baby has nothing to do with this."

Yue's gun slipped into Sakura's hand where she placed it beside her and out of Yue's reach. Sakura slipped her hand into his.

"I've never seen you like this." He admitted.

She nodded. "I guess...in some strange way…I'm happy. I know it sounds crazy with everything that has happened but, when I think about it, this will be that happiest I will ever be, before the baby is born and I have to leave it."

"It doesn't have to be like that." Yue said suddenly.

All his nerve broke down. "I hate what he makes you become Sakura. Why do you love him? He's done this to you and…where is he now? He's scum Sakura and I-"

"And you what?" Sakura asked.

"I…" Yue trailed off and in sudden anger he stood up and paced away from her. "The day you went back to him…was the day I realised that…that I-"

Yue kept breaking off. Sakura could not comprehend this side of Yue. Yue was slick, humorous and witty. He never stumbled on what to say…ever.

"I love you Sakura!" He said in a sudden outburst.

Sakura dropped her hands to her side. Her lips parted and she felt her stomach drop to her feet. The passion in Yue's face almost scared her. She was not afraid of him, but rather, afraid for him. Because she knew deep down, he did not love her, he couldn't. Sakura thought that she had tricked him into thinking this way.

"Yue…" She said and grabbed his hands. She tugged him to sit beside her.

When he did his eyes were swelling up. How could he feel this way about her? How did she not see this coming?

"Yue, you don't love me."

"I do! That's why I hate seeing you this way! With his kid. This isn't you Sakura. You're an assassin, the best assassin! He's making you less of what you are. He can't appreciate your talents and that's what I've always hated about him."

Yue grabbed Sakura's elbows and leaned in closely to her.

Sakura sighed and looked down to collect her thoughts. "Yue, I'm sorry…" She said and lightly touched his cheek. He leaned into her hand. Sakura was surprised at how affectionate he could be.

"But I didn't choose the assassin life. I never wanted it. I'm not as great as you think I am. But I am stuck with it. After I have this baby, I don't know what I'll do but…you have to let me think. You can't just barge in and tell me you love me and expect me to run back to Clow…this baby had nothing to do with anything. I want to keep it that way."

Yue looked destroyed to hear her say that.

"You don't love me Yue. You think you do. You're in love with a side of me that I loathe."

"Are you trying to kindly reject me?" Yue said and looked away from her.

Sakura bit her lip, lost for words. It wasn't that she didn't love him. Sakura has thought about him on a romantic level but…after all the heartbreak and agony, Sakura could take no more pain. She didn't want love or happiness. She wanted to her through the next two months…the rest, didn't matter to her…

"Go back to Clow, Yue. There's nothing for you here."

"What will be for you here in a few months?" He said bitterly. "Except your bastard?"

Sakura's kindness flashed with anger as her hand went to slap him. He caught her hand mid-air and held her down. Sakura thought he was going to hit her, but instead, he brought his lips roughly down on hers.

The softness of his lips compared to the roughness of the action shocked Sakura to stillness. Yue's lips did not part from hers until the shuffling of pots and pans from the kitchen forced his to depart.

"I don't regret what I said." He said boldly. "You are the strongest person I know Sakura. Don't let him take that from you."

With those words, Yue departed to the shadows from where he came, into the silence of the night…

X x x

Sakura did not stir, nor did she panic in any sense.

She closed her eyes and looked up to the grey ambiguous ceiling. Slowly, she threw her feet over the bed and settled them onto the cool floorboards. She breathed in….and out and rested a hand over her nine month pregnant stomach.

'I wish we had more time.' She whispered downwards towards the child that awaited to be born. 'I don't want to part from you but…I will not hold you back.'

Sakura stood up with extreme serenity and glided towards the door. Her water breaking came silent to her in the night in her sleep. She turned the door knob and closed her eyes and felt some sadness that somewhere in Japan, Syaoran knew nothing of his child that was about to be born.

Filtering down the stairs Sakura stopped at the door frame and peered in where Tomoyo had fallen asleep on the old rocking chair with her apron still on. It was a strangely idyllic scene; the peacefulness of this child birth had the appearance of something beautiful about it.

Yet…unfortunately, it was the beginning of what would come to an end.

"Tomoyo..." Sakura whispered.

Tomoyo stirred a little bit before opening up a lavender eye. She reached over and switched on the honey coloured light, slightly dozy from her sleep.

Tomoyo adjusted her eyes to Sakura, dropping her jaw at the sight of Sakura's water breaking on her night dress. Behind Sakura her wet footprints revealed the urgency of the situation.

"It's time Tomoyo." Sakura said laughing nervously.

Tomoyo's face broke out into a smile. Sakura had never been so radiant, so glowing that she regretted Syaoran could not see her.

Then, Sakura's face broke into tears as her smile eschewed. "I don't want it to be over Tomoyo," She said shaking her head. "Not now. I want more time…" Sakura's knees buckled but Tomoyo caught her.

"I know sweetie," Tomoyo said as she sprang into action. "But the baby want's to come out now; it wants to see its mommy." She said with some exaggerated cheeriness to calm Sakura's crumbling state.

"But I-I don't want to have it now I just want another day-"

Tomoyo managed to sit her down and prep the table for her. She grabbed Sakura's hand and peered down at Sakura. "Everything's going to be ok Sakura. You have to do this, your baby wants to see you ok?"

Sakura nodded but her heart was breaking. She knew…she knew that the happiness she was feeling would come to an end. This child, which could protect inside of her, would become exposed to the world.

"Lie back Sakura, relax." Tomoyo said in the calmest of voices.

Sakura obeyed and as she stared at the ceiling once more she exhaled a shaky breath and for the first time ever, she imagined Syaoran, sitting there with his perfect smile, stroking my cheek with warmness and the loving nature only he could give…

"Ok Sakura," Tomoyo said. "Push."

x


	37. The In-between II

X x x

**Normal POV:**

Sakura's POV: 14 Years Ago

Eyes, amber like blazing honey, or the sun when it sits on the horizon…

Mouth, small and perfect as if kissed by an angel…

Hair, light brown and soft…

Skin, as white as milk and as delicate as fine China…

She was perfect, more beautiful and precious than the finest minds could conjure up. My little Rhaya, my little perfection, you are not what I thought you would be, you are far better.

Your gurgles and vowel practices make my heart swell. As I hold you in my arms you wriggle inside the pink blanket. You are eager to see the world already. I can't help but smile, and I can't help but to cry…

How can something so perfect, so utterly angelic come from something so damaged and flawed like me?

Your eyes…they blaze in a way that makes me worried. They are your fathers eyes, and when you look at me, I fear you can see into my past, into my troubles. Although beautiful, your eyes conjure up bad thoughts inside of me. I begin to think about him. It is something I fear that I will begin to hate over time…

And although I could never ever hate you Rhaya, I can become bitter. I am programmed that way by my father. I can feel the whispers of hate in me ever second. I can feel myself hating your father for not being here, for not seeing his daughter.

I am afraid Rhaya, afraid that I will taint you and the world you barely know. You have just come into this world, everything is new, pretty and exciting. My world was always grim and filled with bad memories and events.

I know my own mother held me like this once, when my world was shiny and new. I bet she made promises that she would love me and protect me from the evils that she knows. But I shall make no such promises Rhaya.

While my love for you is endless and my world now revolves around you, I will fail you eventually. It is not a question of 'if', it is a question of 'when.'

There is no happy ending for people like me and my mother, we are killers, we can protect ourselves, but not those around us.

It ends here, my beautiful Rhaya.

You shan't suffer the fate I must suffer.

I can see no happiness together, only darkness. I worry for you, I worry I will rope you into my darkness.

No, I shall become a ghost to you Rhaya. And I am sorry I must do this so soon after seeing you but…the longer I stay with you, the harder it will be for me to leave you…In removing myself from your life I shall be giving you the greatest gift ever.

Life.

Not just life, but a happy life.

Tomoyo will be a great mother to you Rhaya, I envy you. I want to stay with you so desperately, I want to be selfish and keep you for myself but this Kinomoto cycle must end with me.

Rhaya squirms and looks at me through her huge eyes. She stays silent, as if knowing that these are our last moments together and that soon, I will leave without a trace, heartbroken.

I lean in and kiss your soft head with tears of departure.

"I love you Rhaya. I will always love you…"

X x x

**Later That Night**

"Sakura!" Tomoyo called as she lightly sprung into the room only to stop dead when she found the room was empty.

Tomoyo got a sickly chill up her spine that something was wrong, horribly wrong.

She heard a sudden cry from Rhaya's cot pierce the tense atmosphere. Tomoyo ran over and picked her up, soothing the one week old child back to calmness.

This was the first time the child had cried. The child was always laughing in Sakura's arms. The instant love between Sakura and Rhaya was overwhelming. So why was Rhaya crying?

Tomoyo's eyes wandered onto the table where she saw a note. She picked it up and began to silently read as Rhaya cried in her other arm.

Tomoyo,

Forgive me, but I can see no other way.

Take care of her; you are more of a mother than I could ever be. I know you will give her the life she deserves.

Your kindness towards me is something I shall never forget, you truly are a good friend.

Raise Rhaya as your own, you were born to be a mother. She need never know where she came from.

I am so sorry,

S.

Enclosed was Sakura's chain from Li.

S.K 103

Tomoyo dropped the letter from her hand. Feeling weak at the knees she sat down onto a nearby chair. Rhaya's face became puffy and red as if she could feel the distance between her and her mother. Tomoyo looked around, it was just them now.

Tomoyo and Rhaya.

And it would be like that for the next fourteen years…

Tomoyo wiped her eyes and turned Rhaya around to face her.

"Mommy's gone Rhaya." Tomoyo said in a despairing voice.

She listened to the winds whistling through the empty house.

"Do you know something?" Tomoyo said with a wide smile that stopped Rhaya from crying. Rhaya tilted her head at the lavender beauty, welcoming her nurturing aura.

"Your Aunt Tomoyo is a huge believer of destiny. Everything happens for a reason. Your mommy and daddy love you Rhaya. I will never let you think any different! But they haven't left you. They are just at a bad point in their life right now. This will be just temporary. But one day, one day in the future, destiny will call. If its fate, you will see them again, I just know it! Just think of me as your third parent. I will love you so, so much Rhaya, but when the time comes, I will let you go, go towards your destiny. I can feel it! And you'll have a mommy and a daddy who will love you very much."

Tomoyo smiled at the child. She could feel herself getting attached to Sakura's child already, the unconditional love pumping into her veins.

"But until that day comes!" She said and stood up. "Let's make this house a home! Our home."

She kissed Rhaya on the head and began to sing a lullaby. Rhaya stared with a fascinated grin on her face, not knowing it yet, but for the next fourteen years, Tomoyo would become her world, her mother-like figure, her guardian angel, only to be torn apart tragically by the demons of her parent's past…

X x x

**13 and A Half Years Ago**

The dungeon was dingy, cold and carried and aura of death.

Just how Clow liked it.

Sakura crept along the corners and ran her hand lightly on the damp walls, feeling a chill up her spine. The Chinese air around her was darkly familiar. She arrived at a cell. Putting her hand against the cool rusted cell bars she peered into the prisoner within. He didn't stir or open his eyes. The dirt on his face made him almost unrecognisable. After starving and struggling to survive for months, Eriol's body became limp. He suffered in the cell through Tomoyo's wedding, through Sakura's pregnancy and through most of the Tomoeda struggles.

Sakura leaned down and unchained him. His limp body slumped to the floor.

"Get up." Sakura demanded and kicked him heartlessly.

Eriol's eyes flickered open.

Sakura dropped a bag by his side. "There's enough money here to get you back to Japan. Tomoyo's address is in there too. The guards come back in twenty minutes so whether you leave or not is your choice."

Sakura turned her back to walk away.

"Wait." Eriol croaked as he struggled to sit up. "Why are you letting me go?"

Sakura sighed and turned to face him. The green essence of her eyes had left her eyes and left behind a bleakness that Eriol could not comprehend. He knew that the woman that stood before him was no longer Sakura Kinomoto, lover of Syaoran Li, but a woman whose humanity, over time, broke down to the level of a cold hearted killer.

"Because there are so few acts of kindness left in me. Don't worry Eriol, we'll see each other again." She said with a dead smile on her face that gave Eriol shivers… before she disappeared into the hollow corridor…

X x x

Sakura stood in front of Yue's room with an intention of easing her numbed heart.

She pushed the door back to reveal Yue sitting on the bed, toned and tanned arms working hard to polish his gun. His silky whitish hair tied back into a small rough ponytail. His high cheekbones were more pronounced in the moonlight and his grey eyes were fixed on his task at hand.

He was so dedicated, so proud of his work, so gifted in the craft of killing that Sakura felt both physically and sexually attracted to him. She watched him work until his eyes paused and lulled up slowly to meet her face.

Sakura looked back, not too sure of why she was there, just enjoying looking at him with a strange intention. He said nothing to her. Instead, he mumbled quietly, "So you came back."

She didn't stir at the roughness of his voice, but instead, relished at how different it was to Syaoran's. Everything about Yue was different to Syaoran. Yue was in love with a side of Sakura that she despised, while Syaoran fell for her human side, the side to her that would always be overshadowed by Clow and Li.

Sakura didn't answer. Instead, she slowly drifted into his room, slightly pleased that he didn't bring a woman home this night. She paused in front of him and with dead eyes she stared blankly at him and said, "You said you loved me, how could you possibly mean that?"

Yue stopped and breathed in deeply. "I've was born and raised in Clow, I don't know what 'love' really is. All I know is that you are the only person I would take a bullet for, next to Clow. That, Sakura, it the highest amount of love people like us can ever expect to have. I can't give you anything, nor can I promise you anything but my admiration." He stood up, towering over her with gun in hand and peered into his grey eyes. "You were born to be an assassin Sakura, this is what people like you and me were made for. We're the tough ones. I don't expect anything that you and Syaoran had because it's simply, not possible. But I will never hurt you like he did."

Sakura did not move when Yue's fingers pressed against her cheek delicately. Sakura understood. With Yue's words she resigned to her fate. She was an assassin, not made for love, not worthy.

"Be Mine." He whispered and closed in tighter to her.

Sakura's eyes met his. "I can't love you Yue. There's just no more love in me anymore. I don't want to love again…"

Yue's grey eyes saddened. "What if I killed Syaoran for you? Could you love me then?"

Again Sakura shook her head. "No. I want to be the one to do that if the time comes."

"Then what do you want from me Sakura. You know I want you. I don't want anyone else to have you. You're killing me here…"

"I want…" Sakura said in a strangely seductive way and unbuttoning her shirt. "You to numb the pain. I want to forget about him. Just another one of your women."

Yue loved her in a dark and strange way. She would be his companion in work, but never his love, and never he as hers. A strained relationship that would help her forget Syaoran, over time…

"Oh Sakura," He said not being able to resist her willingness and need for him. "You will never be 'another' woman. Let me be your lover, I'll make you forget about Syaoran. I'll kill him before I see you with him again."

With that, he pushed her onto the bed. She fell like a rag doll that was pulled so many directions that her frustration and heartache had made her limp. Yue crawled on top of her, undressed her and kissed her out of passion. He didn't want to accept being second to Syaoran.

He lusted for her, wanted every part of her and took it knowing that by sunrise, it would just be another work day…

X x x

Tomoyo hear the doorbell sound for the first time in a year.

Her knees shook intensely as she rose from her seat. One year old Rhaya gurgles in her high chair unsuspicious of the situation. Her brown curling hair shook as her head swivelled from right to left. Tomoyo gave her a fake reassuring smile as she took the grabbed the shot gun from about the kitchen press.

Placing the bullets into the gun her fingers gave away her nervousness. Tomoyo never used a gun before. But in order to protect Rhaya, she would kill as many as if took.

"Who is it?" She tried to ask in her sweet voice only to fail at the last syllable.

No noise came from the door, no reply but she could see a figure standing behind it.

Slowly she turned the door handle and peered out at the mysterious figure.

Eriol stood there in his six foot frame, hair jet black and his face was without a mark. He was so…fresh, god-like and real that it took Tomoyo's breath away. The gun slipped out of her hands and landed with a harsh thump.

Eriol reacted the same. In his casual clothes he smiled down at his beloved whom he thought he had lost forever. Reunited by Sakura's kindness Tomoyo slammed her body against his and wrapped her arms so tightly around his neck that it became an unbreakable knot. His scent overwhelmed her.

Convinced he was real she broke down. All the heartache she suffered was not in vein. Her waiting and hope had paid off. He was back.

And when his lips crushed down on hers Tomoyo and Eriol were convinced that their struggle was truly over.

For the next four years they lived the blissful life they always wanted. Tomoyo, Eriol and Rae. One family. Rhaya would never remember that Eriol was the first real father figure she ever had, only for Tomoeda troubles to call him away more frequent as the years went by until…Eriol became but a distant visitor of Tomoyo, and less of a father figure in Rhaya's mind. Rhaya would never realize that Eriol truly loved her deeply and for some point, regarded her as his daughter.

Until tragedy broke them apart…

X x x

**6 Months Ago: Sakura's POV**

"Ms Sakura!"

I whirled my head around and saw Fuutie, now my loyal and faithful assistant run towards me. She ran with that ever present grin no matter what the circumstance was.

The wind whipped through my hair on the rooftop. All was busy in Shanghai.

"Ms Sakura is it true? Is it true we're attacking the Li Organization in Japan soon?" She asked with huge brown eyes.

I nodded. Thirteen years and six months to this day it's been since I grovelled for Clow to accept me back and became dominant within it. We've fought off so many organizations, we are the kings of China's underworld, now for Japan, where Syaoran and Li would be.

My heart is numb completely now.

Blood shall be shed, and no mercy given.

"Yes." I answered which made her grin fade.

"But you…and Yue and Kero…."

"I warned you child," I snapped. "I warned you not to fall in love with him."

She looked to the ground. "I can't help it Ms Sakura, I love him. Haven't you ever loved someone so much that you wanted nothing more than for them to be safe at all costs?" She asked, her innocence radiating.

I picked up a loose rock and clutched it in my hand. Smelling the earth of it I thought deeply to myself. There was someone whom I deeply loved every day for nearly fourteen years. And she needs my silent protection.

My Rhaya, whose face I struggle to picture now…I shall protect her even from afar.

"I need you to do something for me Fuutie, I need you to warn someone of something."

I took out a pen and scribbled a life-saving message onto it.

Giving it to Fuutie, I sent her to Japan with a mission. With that rock she went to the sleepy Valley in Japan on my daughters 14th birthday. She threw the rock through the window and with its loud crash Tomoyo picked it up, sensing nothing too strange.

She read the note attached to it.

_We are coming soon, run._

_S._

X x x

Everything was set in place from the moment Fuutie threw the message through the window.

Sakura's intensions were to bring Rhaya to safety. Instead, Tomoyo chose to act as destiny. Instead of fleeing with Rhaya, she departed from her knowing that Rhaya deserved to know her parents. Tomoyo knew Rhaya was a special child; she would change Syaoran and Sakura's lives, and her own for the better.

That morning of Rhaya's fourteenth birthday her life changed dramatically…

Which brings us to the now…

X x x

**So there you have nearly everything relevant that happened within the fourteen years!**

**I know there's not much story line progression here but I needed to tie loose ends!**

**Hope you enjoyed! **

**R&R!**


	38. Truce

**Hellloooo again!**

**Another chapter! **

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

The house was silent when we re-entered it.

Sakura followed after me with her eyes still alert for danger still. The kitchen light was left on but no presence filled the empty space.

Sakura glided along the edges on the counter looking onto the photo frames that were collecting dust. On the window sill sat a rose that was crisp and dead from time yet a small amount of its pink pigment managed to hold on.

I treaded lightly into the living room where I stopped suddenly with amusement on my face.

"Sakura." I whispered which half snapped her out of her daze.

I motioned her towards me and she peered in and the corners of her lips twitched upward.

On one couch Rhaya was passed out with her mouth slightly ajar. She made no sound and her chest rose and fell. Her toe boldly stuck out from a tear in one sock and her body was swamped in the oversized hoodie she never let go of.

I heard a sound beside me that was strangely familiar. Looking over Sakura held a hand over her mouth trying to contain laugher as she stepped further into the room. She moved like a ghost towards Rae and stopped a few feet from her. Sakura looked at her bewildered biting her lip with a look I could only see as sheer happiness.

"There's only a handful of times I've ever seen her sleeping like this, and it never ceases to amaze me." She said smiling.

To my surprise Sakura sank onto the couch space beside Rae and stroked her hair away from her face caringly. It was like they were simply meant to be together. The distance between them was a sin that never should have happened.

Only then did I notice Kayami awkwardly resting on the other could with her neck at a crooked position. I supressed the anger inside me and tried to ignore her. She was a different matter.

The smile on Sakura's face was erasable.

I sat beside Sakura who continued to stroke Rhaya's hair.

"What was she like…?" I couldn't help but ask. So many questions were forming in my head about the daughter I only recently came to know. "When she was born?"

I didn't want to disrupt the natural calm flow of the night but Sakura seemed indifferent. She glanced at me and smiled. She held out her hands.

"She was so small." She said looking down at her hands as if she could still feel newly born Rhaya in her hands. "Her head was so light." Again her left hand looked like it was cupping something imaginary. "And her skin was so soft and delicate I was almost afraid to hold her yet, couldn't let go. Her eyes, like now were so…bright. She would look at me for the longest time and never cry, just gurgle. I've never seen anything so…happy. She was beautiful. For the shortest time, I was her whole world and then…I let her go."

Then she sighed and dropped her hands by her side. "Now look at her. All grown up, and I don't know a thing about her."

I touched Sakura's hand and looked into her eyes. "She's still a kid. She has a lot to learn. She's something else though. Considering all the messed up things she's been through because of us…she's…amazing. Tough skinned too. My temper at times though." I laughed.

Sakura's fingers slipped into my hand shyly. She leaned back onto the couch beside me and brushed her shoulder against mine. I never ever though we would be like this again.

"Tomoyo was right." She whispered. "She said that we'd always find each other. It's a shame Tomoyo couldn't be around to see it." She sighed.

I locked my jaw. Takashi. I almost forgot we had a score to settle. But…that was before all of this. Would we be finally even? Or would he always be looking for me?

I boldly brought my hand to her face and traced the scar that was still visible under her eyes. The mark of Rika, and the mark of the life she had, still has. She leaned her cheek into my hand and slowly her arms wrapped around my waist as her head sunk into my shoulder.

"Sorry…If I'm too close you can tell me." She said meekly.

I responded by placing my arm around my shoulder. To think we'd ever be like this again was nearly impossible to me in the past. Yet here we were, together again, with our daughter oblivious in her unconsciousness.

Neither of us said anything, we just sat there in the tranquil circumstance we were in when, on cue, the reality of our lives came back to shatter these precious moments.

Sakura's eyes flickered to the t.v. which was silently blaring images. We both sat up rapidly when we registered what was being shown.

"Turn it up." She whispered.

'_The chaos of Tomoeda had taken a sharp rise in theft, looting and violence. Riots have spread to West Tomoeda with gunshots and explosives reported to have been heard. The death toll has also risen to the hundreds with local citizens taking to crime to survive this takeover. The Clow Organization has officially taken occupation in Tomoeda's capital and all of the North and the East. Police forces have found it difficult to enter the city without being shot at and are currently working on a strategy to free captive citizens.'_

The t.v showed images of buildings burning down to the ground. Streets, shops building that I have walked through my whole life were almost unrecognisable from the rioting. Tomoeda was destroying itself before our very eyes.

"How can Clow do this?" I asked more to myself. "It's extreme, even for him."

Sakura threw her face into her hands and clutched onto locks of hair looking as though she could pull every last one out. When she looked up again it was like reality crashed down on her again, and the preciousness of out re-union was temporarily extinguished.

"Because he knows he's invincible." She said. "Clow's been planning this for years, before I even joined them. He has trained killers from almost every organization in Tomoeda now as we speak. He's doing this because he knows he cannot loose. It's all over for the people of Tomoeda…and I'm part of the reason." She chocked a little as her eyes glued themselves on the images on the t.v.

"No Sakura," I said. "It's not your fault, Clow made you do things. He was just using you, but all this is him."

She shook her head." You don't understand Syaoran, I'm the one who trained them."

She looked up at me expecting my reaction, which was shock. I sat up straighter and walked into the kitchen. She followed me with desperation for understanding on her face.

"Syaoran you don't understand, I was so angry. I hated that city and everything to do with it! I hated you, hated Meiling, hated Li, so…I didn't think I was doing anything wrong and I definitely didn't know Clow would take it this far! That's why I tried to get Rhaya out of there! Before it was too late."

"You trained all those killers? What did you think they were going to do!"

"I know I know Syaoran," She said grabbing my arm in a panic. "I wasn't thinking at the time. I-I-I honestly didn't know they would do this!"

I threw my hand to my face and turned my back to her. How could she take part in this knowing innocent people had a chance of dying? Could she hate Tomoeda so much?

"Syaoran…" She begged and pressed a hand against my back. "I know it was wrong, that's why I'm going to fix it. I'm going to stop this, all of this."

I whirled around with an incredulous look on my face. "You what!? You're actually thinking of going back there? Sakura you just escaped it, after everything that's happened between us in the past five hours you're actually considering going back!?"

She stayed silent and let the guilt radiate from her face.

"Sakura-"

"I don't want to Syaoran! Believe me! But I-…they're going to find me Syaoran…Yue always finds me. It's just a matter of time. Can't you see? It's only a matter of time before they come looking for me. I have to end this."

"And how!? How are you going to end this Sakura!? How do you plan on stopping that?" I said stabbing a finger at the destruction on the t.v. "You walk in there and you die."

"I have a plan."

"Oh, do elaborate." I said with sarcasm.

"Everything that is happening in Tomoeda is all stemmed from Clow. Clow is the boss, he gives every single order and is the main control. He gave himself absolute power with no heir to take over should he fail. That's his weakness Syaoran, his self-belief that he can't be brought down. You take Clow out, and then the organization falls apart. With no leader, Clow disintegrates. The Clow Organization falls apart. I've seen the people he has on his side. They are totally dependent on him. Most of them are working against their will in fear of Clow. With no Clow…there is no war."

I looked down at her with my mind shuffling her words and trying to make sense of them.

"And how can you kill him Sakura? What makes you invincible?"

She gulped.

"I know everything about his plan. I know where assassins are stationed, I know exactly where Clow is hiding and how to get into the building where he is. There's a good chance no one will kill me either if they think I'm still on their side too."

"That's all great for you Sakura but let me ask you this, what about Rhaya?"

Sakura took a deep breath in a looked at the ground. A cluster of emotions flew through her head but she knew what was right.

"I love her Syaoran." She said blazing her green eyes into mine. "I am doing this for her. Because if she dies because people are after me, then I will never forgive myself. As long as Clow is still alive, she will never be safe."

I shook my head at complete disbelief at what she was saying.

"You're choosing them over her?"

"I'm not choosing Syaoran when there's no choice! I have to do something. Our friends are out there too you know!"

"It's not our fight Sakura! I'm not a part of Li and you're not part of Clow. They won't care about us!"

"You don't understand Syaoran! Yue WILL find me, he won't let me leave especially under Clow's orders and because-" She broke off suddenly.

I rolled my eyes. Of course Yue would have to be involved on levels that were less professional and more lustful in nature. "Oh and I wonder why." I said with bitterness that caused her face to scowl.

"Really? You want to play that card? Syaoran? Seriously? After Kayami!?"

"We all know why that happened don't we!?"

"Oh please Syaoran as bad as Yue can be at least he didn't follow me halfway across the country to the Valley and is now passed out on the couch. Yue's bad, but he's not a psychopath like Kayami."

"Well he didn't do it this time but nothing stopped him coming to Japan after an earthquake to drag you back to China!"

"That's different! Are you always going to be this jealous every time I mention his name?"

"I think I have a right to be!"

"Are we seriously having this argument?"

In a matter of minutes we went from what I knew to be a 'happy family' to arguing venomously.

In the midst of our fighting we never heard Rhaya wake up, wipe her groggy eyes and make her way to the kitchen. Standing at the doorframe watching her parents once again, argue.

Sakura was the first to notice as her mouth snapped shut and her eyes widened.

Rae stood at the doorframe with a face I couldn't read. Her eyes were blank with disappointment; her mouth formed a hard line. The bags under her eyes gave away troubles that a fourteen year old girl should never have to go through.

"Rae-"

"I'm going to bed." She said cutting me off and turning around before I could form words to apologize.

She swiftly left the room and went upstairs, leaving a stale and guilty atmosphere behind.

Sakura and I looked at each other, both of us knowing that our parenting skills were nothing short of terrible.

I thought Sakura would strike back, shout at me, hate me for the things that were said but instead, she took my hands into hers.

"Syaoran, in three days Clow will realize that I've run away. But before that, for the few precious days we have left, let's call a truce. Whatever we decide to do with Tomoeda, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now, lets' just…be together. I owe Rhaya answers, and won't leave here until I at least try and get forgiveness from her. Can we…try and do that?" She asked with the sincerest look on her face.

I cupped her face on my hand and kissed her gently.

"Of course we can."

X x x

**Rae's POV:**

Sleep was determined not to come to me that night.

I lay in the bed all too familiar to me, my bed. To be back in the Valley was a strange feeling, so different compared to the claustrophobia and chaos that flooded Tomoeda. I stared at the clock which only read two o'clock in the morning.

I groaned and sat up. The unsettling feeling in my stomach would not rest. I longed to be back in the Valley, the place I use to call my home. My room had remained untouched from the day I departed. Some clothes were still tousled from the drawers from when Aunt Tomoyo rushed me to pack. The book I was reading was still faced down on the page I was reading. Even my wardrobe door was still ajar from when I left, unknowing to me that by 'left' it was actually fled from.

And now I was back, back in the place I though was my home. For years I thought I'd never get out of the valley. I assumed I'd live here forever with Tomoyo. I thought I'd die here myself. But after being away for over eight months, I had changed so much; seen things I thought were only fit for crime shows and for places far, far away.

So much had changed, I had changed. I went from Rae Daidouji, parentless and uncultured to anything outside the Valley to Rhaya Li, daughter of the two greatest assassins in Japan, and witnessed more than my young self should ever had to witness.

I sighed and slumped back onto the bed. The world was so…bleak…

I never understood Syaoran's despair, his stubbornness to hide himself from the world and throw himself into depression. I couldn't understand how he could hate the world so much, but now I know. He's seen so much cruelty, been through so many hardships, so much betrayal, heartbreak and pain, how could he be optimistic.

Now, with the reunification of my parents after so long…It's still not enough. They hate each other. I've seen the hate in each other's eyes. After wanting to be together for so long, the world still won't let them. Even if it did, how long can it last?

Maybe I was being too optimistic. Maybe I should accept that in this grim world, there is no room for love. There are no happy endings here, just a constant chain of sadness with the occasional glimpse of happiness, until someone is killed.

I felt my heart become so heavy. My eyes watered with the knowledge I always knew. It was too good to be true; all of it was just too good to be true. Syaoran and Sakura…a family, it won't happen because of who they are. Aunt Tomoyo, there are some days I wish you took me with you. Maybe I could have done something to save you; then again if it weren't for me, you would still be alive.

In fact, if it weren't for me, maybe the pain between my parents wouldn't be as deep. Maybe they would have found each other, they could have been happy, or at least have had a fighting chance.

I sighed loudly, everything was so messed up.

I swung my feet over the side of the bed and landed them onto the cool floor. Then there was the whole thing with Sakura….What was even going on there? The confrontation earlier was so bizarre…I feel like I witnessed every shade Sakura had.

But…there was a connection. For the briefest moment, she wasn't just an assassin hell bent on revenge over Syaoran. She was so human-like, so innocent the way she tilted her head to the side and bit her lip, naïve and...like me.

I knew the feeling rising inside of me was utter guilt. I told her I didn't want her, I only wanted Syaoran. No matter how tough she was, I'm sure she didn't deserve that…

Wait! No! She tried to kidnap me, twice! She pointed a gun at me! She dumped me here fourteen years ago without ever trying to find me! What if I were dead? Would she even care? Would she bother trying to find me? She doesn't know a thing about me; she never even wanted to know!

And she deprived me of a father through for her own selfish revenge!

How could I have felt a connection? She doesn't care, how could she? Why should I care if she leaves tonight? She could never come back for all I care! Me and Syaoran are just fine together!

I suddenly tensed. My arms glued themselves to my side as my head whirled around towards the door. My heart beat hard definite beats. Call it my sixth sense again, but I could sense someone on the other side of the door. I knew it wasn't Syaoran, Syaoran would have knocked, this person was just standing there like a lost presence.

I got up onto my feet and trekked very slowly and cautiously towards the door. For a minute I just stood there staring at the door with my heart racing. Finally I plucked up the little courage I had in me to open the door.

The door swung back very slowly and there she was. Cloaked in the darkness standing there with her posture crippled. The only light I could see was the emerald reflection of her eyes as they slowly crawled up to meet my face. She bore no gun.

The expression on her face told me that she too, stared at the door at a loss for actions. Her smooth face had an unreadable expression before she smiled a little, showing her white teeth. Her smile was awkward, unsure of itself. The atmosphere was tense, but not in a bad way, just floating there until someone broke the silence.

"You're good." She said half-laughing referring to my sixth sense.

I did not laugh to ease her weariness. I just stared back at her. I was mad at her a while ago, I didn't want to know her but now…I didn't know what to think. She blurs my senses. Maybe that's because in spite of our detached history…I wanted answers. I thrived on the knowledge that maybe there could be a breakthrough with us but knowing…it was not likely.

She was different now, less assassin mode, more like a human.

"I thought you would have left by now." I said as I cleared my throat.

She bit her lip and nodded a little, understanding where my speculation was coming from.

Then her lips parted. "Rhaya, you have every right to hate me right now, and I don't blame you but…I know you have questions. And…I know I've avoided this confrontation for so long but…I want to tell you everything. I want to just…explain why I…why I…"

"Why you left me?" I finished for her and pressed my lips into a hard line.

Sakura stiffened but took it understandingly.

"Basically…" She said and rubber her arm like she felt a chill. "And…maybe when I do….explain… we can, I don't know…" She trailed off.

We both didn't know where that sentence would lead to.

I nodded and stepped aside, allowing her to come in. I gulped and closed the door behind us. In doing so, I shut off the world. My mother and I were alone after so many years. There was no Syaoran, no Clow or Li or Kayami to interrupt us. I had Sakura to myself, and I suddenly felt frightened.

Did I want to know? Did I want to try and make this work? Was there anything salvable from our estranged relationship?

Sakura's eyes did not settle on me, but instead they travelled around my room, landing on photos, art sets and other things that were tell-tale signs of my traits. She couldn't seem to take the small smile off her lips.

"Wow, this room has changed so much." She said as she examined it. Her finger pointed to the far corner of the room. "That's where your cot was. There was this, mobile thing that hung over and it played the most annoying song!" She laughed. "Tomoyo never stopped playing it even when you weren't born."

I sat in silence and watched her relive the very few days we had together before she left. Seeing her so human was strange. I just did not know what to make of Sakura.

I sunk onto the bed and clenched my fingers into the mattress with nerves. I couldn't stop staring at her face. She was so…beautiful. A unique type of beautiful. Her skin was white as milk and seemed to radiate its own glow. Her hair was a light brown that seemed to have a gold veil over it. Of course, her eyes were her strongest feature. When she looked at you with innocence it could exude a calmness inside of you but when they were sharp and wicked, which I knew too well they could be, they looked into your very soul. To be told my resemblance to her was astonishing, I took it as such a compliment. Of course, her beauty also showed her hardships in the form of a faded, yet noticeable scar under her eye. Forever marked by the demons of her world.

She slowly and cautiously sat on the bed beside me. She kept about a two foot distance from me. Only then did I notice the scar on her upper arm, the burn mark from Li.

She breathed in and out before breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Tomoyo." She whispered giving away deep despair.

I nodded.

"She was good to you." Sakura added.

"Yeah," I commented and gritted my teeth, "She was like a mother to me."

Sakura winced at my comment and hung her head a little lower.

"Rhaya…I know that, our first meeting was…tense." She said referring to her kidnapping me back in Tomoeda. "Believe me; I didn't want it to be like that. I just panicked when I knew you were in Tomoeda and with Syaoran and-" She broke off.

I could hear the nerved in her voice. My coldness was getting us nowhere. Yet I still didn't know what to say.

"We, never got a chance to…talk. And…I know you have a lot of questions and I'll answer everything."

I bit my lip. There it was, an opportunity to find out all I wanted to know about her but…

"My whole life I've wanted answers. Where I came from, who you and Syaoran were, why Aunt Tomoyo raised me but…now, I don't think I want to know anymore." I took a deep breath in. "I guess I wanted to know why you left me here but, now I know nothing is a straight forward answer."

"Well you have that right." She agreed. "Rhaya…" She said and looked to be bracing herself. "I didn't leave you with Tomoyo because I didn't love you-"

"No." I said. "No, you left here because you wanted to get back at Syaoran. Because he hurt you or maybe I would just remind you of him, maybe you just hated that about me."

"Rhaya no!" She said expanding her eyes and snapped her head up.

"Then why now!" I said raising my voice. "Why did you come for me now? It was because you knew I was with Syaoran. You couldn't stand the thought of him knowing me, of anyone knowing me!? Is that why you put me in the middle of nowhere for Tomoyo to raise me?"

"Rhaya," She said shaking her head from side to side slowly and reached a hand for me.

"Then why now!?" I snapped and retreated from her touch. "Would you have looked for me if I never found Syaoran? If Tomoyo was still alive and doing your job for you!?"

Sakura's hand fluttered to her mouth. She dropped her hand and with eyes full of sadness she answered, "No."

I threw my head towards the opposite wall. My hands were shaking; I couldn't understand all this anger that had flashed inside me. No, she wouldn't have come for me. Just as I thought, she just didn't want Syaoran to have me. My heart was slamming against my ribcage, I could feel a lump in my throat but I would not let her see me cry over her.

"Not yet anyway." She said. "Rhaya," She said touching my shoulder even though I shrugged her off. "Please understand, it wasn't the right time. As long as there was Clow and Li you would never have been safe. Clow is an evil man. If he knew about you, he would have used it against me. He would have hurt to secure my loyalty. As long as I was with Clow you were never safe. I thought if I could bring down Clow from the inside then I could find you."

"It's just about YOU isn't it?" I said looking at her with my blurred vision. "What about me? Did you ever think about me? Once?"

"Of course I did Rhaya, every day for fourteen years all I did was think about you. Rhaya, I couldn't take you with me. It wasn't fair on you."

"And what you did was? You kept me from Syaoran. You made sure I'd never know him."

She gulped and looked down. "What was I supposed to do Rhaya? Take you with me to live in Shanghai while I killed people. Was I supposed to raise you around killers? Put your life at risk?"

She took the brave move and closing the gap between us just an inch. "That wasn't a life you deserved or wanted Rhaya. It wasn't fair to do that to you. Believe me I thought, before you were born, that I could. I thought I could have you in secret. I thought that I could keep you away from all the evil but-" Sakura chocked on her words.

It took me a second to register that her eyes were welling up. She was struggling to hold it together. I didn't think she would have had the emotion to cry.

"But it's not possible to live in two worlds."

I clenched my fists. "Couldn't you have tried? At least I would have known you." I said still holding on to a tinge of anger.

Sakura shook her head very definite. "No Rhaya, you'd only grow to hate me."

"You don't know that! You think you know me but you don't you don't know anything about me! I could have survived it!" I argued and stubbornly refused to take into account anything she said. "You don't know how it could have been!"

"But I do." She said in a concrete tone. "My mother did it to me. She thought she could raise me and my brother in two different worlds but, it's impossible. You cannot escape Li or Clow. My mother tried and died because of it. And look at me." She said looking at me dead on. "Despite my mother's efforts she couldn't stop my downfall into Li. And now I'm stuck in it. The worst part is that in the end, I didn't even really know what kind of woman my mother was. And I hated her for that. It took me some years to figure that out."

Sakura sighed and looked out at the black night through the window. "I didn't want you to hate me like I ended up hating my mother. Believe me Rhaya, you didn't want my childhood. I wanted all of this to end with me to give you a chance at a normal life. Get married, have kids, not have to look behind your back for danger every day of your life."

She averted her eyes towards me with a faint hint of a smile, tears still on the verge of falling. "You were happy Rhaya, weren't you? You were happy with Tomoyo. She didn't give you an awful life did she?"

A tear fell from my left eye before it was rubbed away quickly by the back of my hand. My eyes drifted towards the window as my brain collapsed into an intense nostalgia. I remember the summers I spent with Aunt Tomoyo by the river fishing for salmon, barbeques in cool evenings while listening to folk music Tomoyo cultured me with. The freezing winters in our house from poor central heating, yet Tomoyo always had a warm fire going and Christmas movies always running on the TV. Coming home from school to a house that smelled like a home with Tomoyo's home cooking.

Even though I didn't have a lot of friends, I always had Tomoyo. She always believed in me, loved me cherished me. She wasn't just a mother-like figure to me, she was my everything. She taught me how to read, walk, cook, knit, paint, fish, and so many other countless things. Yes, my childhood was not as eventual as other children my age. I didn't know how to use a computer, I didn't have a phone until Syaoran gave me one. I wore clothes Tomoyo made for me or clothes from a local store, never brand names, and my overall appearance never bothered me until Fanran introduced me to the world of cosmetics. Nevertheless…my childhood was a happy one. I was never unhappy until the day I had to leave her…

"I had everything I ever wanted." I said feeling my heart tug at itself.

Sakura nodded with a smile of some sort of relief.

"I loved Tomoyo. She was my world for so long, but…now I don't have her anymore."

I looked down at my palms and fought with my inner thoughts.

"Rhaya…" She said touching my hair, satisfied I didn't retreat from her touch.

"But," I said cutting her off. "She wasn't…you. No matter how much I wanted her to be my mother, no matter how much I wanted to call her mom she wouldn't let me. She always told me that, my mother loved me more than anyone in the world. No matter how good Tomoyo was to me there was always an emptiness. As much as I loved Tomoyo I always wanted to know you. I spent my whole life thinking you would one day show up on my doorstep. I even imagined it so many times and then…you turned out to be…"

"A disappointment." Sakura said with her hands shaking. Sakura didn't stop herself from letting her tears fall. It was like I delivered the ultimate blow. Her worst nightmare.

I shook my head. I was dizzy, my body was weak from all this emotion I had built up for so long. "I loved you even though I didn't know you. I always told myself no matter what your reasons were I'd forgive you."

"You can't forgive me now?" She said with a sob in her throat and her face distraught.

"In a matter of weeks Syaoran loved me. He fought for me, he…cared about me so much. I thought after Tomoyo nobody would care for me again but he did. You took that from me. He doesn't care about Clow or Li. He wanted me. I could have had that from the beginning!"

Sakura swallowed and nodded heavily, accepting my words. "Your father is a lot stronger than I am. He's also unrealistic."

"Rhaya," She said after pregnant pause and grabbed my wrist in desperation, afraid she was losing me altogether. "Please don't shut me out. I know I don't deserve it but please… I love you Rhaya, I never stopped. I did everything I did to protect you."

"How can I believe you? It took fourteen years for you to come for me! You didn't care enough to see if I were still alive! I could have been dead and you wouldn't have known, you never would have known! How can you say you loved me? You abandoned me! You didn't care!" I shouted and stood up and went to leave.

So much anger and pain coursed through my veins. I felt sick. Hearing my words aloud made me want to vomit. Then I realised these feelings, they were feelings of neglect. I was aware for fourteen years I had a mother who left me. That constant consciousness of knowing somewhere out there was a woman who decided she didn't or couldn't keep her daughter. It suddenly wasn't enough for her to come back into my life. I was never an anybody because of her. I was never truly a Daidouji, I had no identity, I didn't know who I was.

"Rhaya!" She said and grabbed me by the shoulders, placing a firm grip there. "Of course I loved you. And I was there!"

"How can you say that!? Don't lie to my face." I said nearly keeling over anger and frustration.

"You didn't know it but I was there Rhaya! You just weren't allowed to know about it." She said with her voice shaking. She was trying to make me understand something but I was too uncontrollable to listen.

"No!" I said trying to pry out of her iron grip.

"Rhaya," She placed a hand on my cheek. That once touch was so soft and gentle that it forced me to stop my wailing. "I was there. On your first birthday. I saw you take your first steps while you gripped the radiator downstairs for support I was there, in front of you. You walked towards me, you grabbed my finger and smiled, like you knew who I was. When you started school when you were four I watched you from the far school gate. You spent your breaks drawing Sakura Trees with Masuyoki Kimi. And when all the kids kept bullying you and pushing you off the swings, I bought you the biggest swing set I could find. And that time you fell out of the tree house and got a concussion when you were eight, I visited you in hospital every night when you were asleep. I always left pink roses by your windowsill."

The redness of my face diminished. My head became dizzy as my anger subdued, lulled by what she was saying. I stopped struggling and couldn't pry my eyes from her soft smile through her tears. I remember that swing set. It was bright pink and yellow. I'll never forget it. It just magically appeared one day. When I thanked Tomoyo, Tomoyo said it was from 'someone who cares a lot for me.' At that age I just considered myself lucky. I never questioned who it was. And I remembered the pink roses in the hospital. They were beautiful. And Masuyoki Kimi was my best friend at school.

"You…you were there?" I asked in a small voice.

Sakura nodded and smiled, showing off her perfect teeth. I never even noticed she was stroking my hair. She no longer had an iron hand on my shoulder. Her other hand cupped my cheek so lovingly.

"I remember when you got your hair cut for the first time and you cried for days because you hated it. And when you won the junior triathlon in Gotsumayu, I was so proud of you that day. I wanted to hug you so bad." She sobbed at the last word. "I just wanted to tell you how proud I was, I wanted to come back into your life so many times but I couldn't."

"Why not? You could have, I always wanted you too." I said with my tone now sympathetic.

"I promised I wouldn't."

"To who?"

"First to Tomoyo. I was still in deep with Clow. I couldn't just talk with you and leave. It wasn't fair to you and I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't want to leave you. I'd want to take you away. But you were so happy with Tomoyo Rae, I was even jealous of the life you had. And then Eriol made me promise not to come back if I couldn't take care of you properly. You were Tomoyo's only chance to have a child. She was infertile, you were the closest she could have. I didn't want to take that from her."

"How did I not notice you?"

Sakura swallowed as her eyes fell into sadness. "Those very rare times I could escape Clow, I always watched you from afar, or through a window. I promised Tomoyo and Eriol that they could raise you, but I couldn't stay away. It was like a craving, I just needed to see you when I could, which I'll admit, was so little. When you were younger, at Christmas Tomoyo would let me sit in the pantry and listen to you talk, just about normal things. Then you'd laugh and I'd know, you were happy and taken care of."

I didn't think I could cry anymore, but I was wrong.

"Yes Rhaya, I was there. For every Christmas, every Birthday, and sometimes in between. Although it was only ever for a day or two. But as you got older, it became harder to sneak around. Plus, you could always sense me the older you got."

I furrowed my brows before I realised what she meant. I knew my sixth sense was never wrong. The feeling of being followed when I was younger wasn't me just going crazy.

"The last time I saw you was on your tenth birthday. I was in too deep with Clow; they were catching on to where I was going. The past four years were the most painful in my whole life. I use to write to Tomoyo. She would send me pictures of you, she let me know that you were happy. But," She sighed. "I always had to burn them after I read them, I couldn't risk being caught. It was a vicious circle."

Her eyes looked into mine with such calmness a gentleness I've only ever seen with Tomoyo.

"I'm sorry it had to be from afar, but I never for a second stopped thinking about you. I love you Rhaya. If anything, please believe that. Please, I'm begging you, don't shut me out. I don't know how much time we have left together before the chaos in Tomoeda affects us here. Please, let me try, try to make up for not being there now."

She did care about me, she truly did love me. Everything she said was too detailed for her to possibly be lying. Every mis-conception I had about her was abolished; every harsh thought and theory was proven wrong. I was loved by my mother, she…she cared about me.

I was not a nobody. The reality was, I had two parents who loved me so dearly. They both loved me, they both wanted so bad to be a part of my life. They would…die for me. I was not the woeful orphan, I was Rhaya Li, and I was loved.

"…Mom…" I said with my voice breaking, shattering at being able to say the word without fear or feelings of neglect and abandonment.

I threw myself into my mothers' arms and cried for all the years I had without her, for all the time I thought I was hated, not worthy. My mother had, finally after all these years, returned to me.

X x x

**Syaoran's POV:**

In the silence of night I sat on the porch staring at the palms of my hands.

Sakura disappeared for a while to God knows where and I was left with despairing thoughts. What if she did leave? Or worse, what if she was right? What if Clow did hunt her and Rae down? Was there any escaping this?

I sighed and rose to my feet. There was no point mulling over it over and over again. Sakura was right; time was precious at the moment. It was only a matter of days before Tomoeda troubles reach us.

I stretched and pondered on where I should probably sleep. I was sure there was a spare room in this house somewhere…

I was just at the staircase when I heard tittering followed by the faintness of a laugh. There was a faded orange glow from Rhaya's room.

I raised an eyebrow to myself baffled. It was close to four in the morning and I thought the scene of myself and Sakura fighting would have knocked her out. The stairs moaned as I climbed them slowly and hesitantly. Poking my head over the landing I squinted to try and see through the sliver thin gap in her room. There dim light did not aid my sight, prodding me to have a closer look.

Once at the door I froze to hear another laugh, Sakura's laugh. What was Sakura doing in there? With Rhaya. I listened in a little more and heard no screaming, no shouting, no threats, cries or fighting, just simple light murmuring.

I risked a peek in and what I saw made my heart swell to a size I never knew it could reach.

"Your hair was so short!" Rhaya exclaimed wide eyed as she stared with a twinkling delight at the picture in Sakura's hand.

Sakura laughed as Rhaya scrutinized the picture. "Believe it or not that picture was taking after it grew out. I remember the first time I cut when I was twelve, I cried for months! My mother even bought me a hat." Sakura said laughing loudly and pinching the bridge of her nose in embarrassment.

It's been years since I've seen Sakura laugh that much. So long since she's been this happy…

In Sakura's hand there was a black box bursting with photos. A collage of photos were scattered around the two of them from all the years Tomoyo bore that annoying camera. I guess she saved every last picture.

I could have stood there for years watching them. They both lay on the bed as if they were there for days sinking into the security of the mattress. Rhaya's head rested on Sakura's shoulder and in return Sakura's cheeks pressed against Rhaya's scalp. It was the idyllic picture of mother and daughter. Sakura's free hand played at the ends of Rhaya's hair unknowingly.

"Oh my God," Rhaya said picking up another picture. "Syaoran does not look happy in this one."

"Oh I remember that." Sakura giggled and rubbed her eye. "That was the day Rika forgot to pick him up from a mission in Kyoto. I had to drive four hours in the middle of the night to pick him up. We didn't actually go home that night. There was this pretzel stand still open so we sat by a lake eating. That was a good night. For me anyway."

I smiled. I remembered that night too. We had so many good times through all the bad we just lost sight of them.

I turned to leave; I wanted to give them their space.

"Hey!" I heard one of them call.

I turned back and two sets of eyes were on me. Realizing I was caught stood halfway through the door.

"Hey," I replied back. "Looks like you two are getting on fine." I said smirking. "I'll give you some space."

Sakura and Rhaya looked at each other and smirked, mirroring each other.

"Get in here." Sakura said and lolled her head towards me.

Rhaya moved over to make a perfect space for me. The weight of fatigue could not keep me away. As I sat on the bed there was something so beautifully right about it. The three of us, here, in one room. Mother, father and daughter. No awkwardness, no more needing to explain this or that, what was here was just…a family. Despite the enormous obstacles and the extreme unlikelihood of this moment every happening...here it was.

"Do you remember this one?" Sakura said holding a picture up towards me, her small pearly white teeth showing.

"Could I ever forget it?" I said taking it from her and smiling with nostalgia at the picture of me and her looking miserable as we looked away from each other. "That was the time I got drunk on your birthday." I said and we both fell into fits of laughter.

"I was so mad at you." She said with a glint in her eye.

"You wouldn't talk to me for days,"

"You wonder why?"

"What did you do?" Rhaya asked swerving her head from me to Sakura.

"Syaoran forgot we were staying in that night and went out with Eriol and a few other work people," Sakura said to Rhaya. "He came home legless, he could not see two feet in front of him. The apartment was FULL of people he just met. They made such a mess," She exclaimed and put her hand to her face as she remembered the embarrassment I put her through. "Then this Russian lady who lived upstairs came and…"

I don't remember how long we reminisced about our past, but I'd say Rhaya re-lived the good times Sakura and I had. It should have always been this way. It shouldn't have turned out the way it did but…we have some time left.

Let us not think of what is yet to come…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

****College is finished for this year and I'm soooooo BORED!****

****I've actually started to communicate with my cat i'm so bored :O They actually make quite good company.****

****So unless I find a summer job soon, I should be updating this fanfic quicker (fingers crossed!)****

****Anyway, next chapter should have an appearance from the delightful Yue, will Sakura stay or goooooo...?****

****R&R!****


	39. Waffles

**Took a while but finally another chapter! I was having writers block for so long I thought I'd have to re-write a few chapters! Anyway I got it figured out so have no fear! I have to say not much happens it this chapter it's mainly fluff but I needed it to lead into the next few chapters!**

**Enjoy!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

It feels like years since I've had waffles.

I remember waking up to the smell of them followed by aunt Tomoyo singing some non-existent tune conjured up in her head.

So when I woke up this morning to the smell of homemade waffles I thought I had woken up from a bizarre dream whereby my mother and father had somehow found each other again through me.

I expected to see aunt Tomoyo in her pink and white apron, flour up to her elbows and the table set in a ridiculously extravagant fashion for two.

But no, instead I've woken up to the most beautiful and slightly strange sight of my mother and father, cooking, together.

Well, when I say cooking, they were attempting to. My mother was wearing light blue jeans and a long slightly over sized baby pink top which I recognized to be Tomoyo's. My father wore jeans and a grey t-shirt and was peering over Sakura's shoulder talking to her with a devious smile as she giggled about what he said.

They were both wearing socks. Socks? Socks indoors? And clothes that weren't black? This was the first time I seen Sakura wear something soft that detached her from her assassin world. They looked so…normal! Like a couple who've been together for years.

Sakura laughed a loud sweet laugh and threw flour at his face.

Only then did I notice the kitchen was a mess from their experimentation with waffles. Sakura was covered up to her elbows in flour and some had flown to her hair which was tied up into a loose bun. Flour, eggshells, cinnamon occupied all the counter space. I could see aunt Tomoyo grimacing in my head at the mess. She was always a complete neat freak.

"Stop! You'll make me mess it up!" Sakura said through a wide smile and pinched his arm.

"Like the last batch?" He teased and suffered another pinch to the arm in which Syaoran responded by swooping her up by the waist with one arm and pinning her to his side while he continued from where she left off.

Their laughs were in perfect harmony. He didn't let go of her and her feet dangled not touching the floor but she didn't protest. She put her arms around his shoulders for support and peered down at what he was doing.

Syaoran whisked the mixture mumbling how he thought it should go while Sakura looked at him with utter adoration.

"You were never the best cook Syaoran." She teased with a wide smile.

"Hey," He said holding the whisk to her in a playful way. "I used to make you a mean breakfast in bed. I hope you haven't forgotten that."

"Of course not." She said and gave him a peak on the lips.

He responded by kissing her deeply, forgetting the task they were initially doing. Their kiss deepened as my father's arm tightened around her waist. My cheeks flushed hot red at the intimate sight of them and I cleared my throat and looked down to the floor in embarrassment.

Both their heads swerved towards me. Syaoran released her slowly but they both kept that embarrassing grin on their faces as they created a small gap between them.

"Morning." Sakura said with a heavenly voice showing a wide smile.

"Morning." I mumbled back at them and treaded into the kitchen.

"You hungry?" My father asked in a soft and happy voice. "We tried waffles but I think we're going to switch to plan B." His eyes had such a glint in them, so full of life that I haven't seen since the day he took me to Dayaki.

"What's Plan B?" I asked meekly not actually caring what they made as long as we were all together. I'd eat dirt from the valleys' if it meant keeping them here, not trying to literally kill each other.

"Eggs, bacon and pancakes, store bought." Sakura chimed and looked at me as if asking for permission.

"Sounds great." I said embracing myself because the excitement inside of me was building up that I needed to find a way to contain it or else combust with utter happiness. Hard to imagine they were waving guns at each other a while ago.

"Great." Syaoran said clasping his hands and grabbing his coat.

He then grabbed Sakura's hands and twirled her under his arm and into his chest as if she were a ballerina. He TWIRLED her! How un-Syaoran-like! Did I walk into another dimension?

My cheeks burned red with embarrassment one again.

"And for you Ms Kinomoto? Anything you would like in particular?" He said kissing her again.

God it was like they couldn't get enough of each other! What the hell? I stood there mortified as I directed my attention to the floor once again. If this continues I'll become quite familiar with every wooden pattern on the house flooring!

"Stop!" She shouted playfully and nodded towards me.

"Oh, sorry." He mumbled in realisation.

They were like high schooler, obsessively holding hands with stupid yet adorable grins on their faces.

Syaoran finally left, taking the awkward atmosphere with him.

Sakura's eyes never left the door that he exited. Then her eyes found me and her smile widened.

"Hi, how you feeling today?" She asked and picked up her coffee.

"Good." I said suddenly quite shy as I walked into the kitchen to join her.

"I'm sorry we made a mess of breakfast." She mumbled and tilted her head to the side. She was so beautiful I was literally dumbfounded by her beauty. Even that faint scar that marked her perfect skin did not serve as a flaw.

"I don't care." I admitted with a shrug. "I'm just glad you're here, with Syaoran, together." I admitted.

She smiled and reached out to push hair from my eyes. Her touch was so soft I actually gasped not expecting it. Then she placed a hand on my head, lovingly and looked into my eyes. "You're worried about something."

How could she possibly know that?

"It's just that…that now, this morning, it's all so nice, it's so great that- I'm just worried about how long it will last." I whispered hating myself for bringing such a downer.

"Oh Rhaya," She said. I noticed that she was the only person to really call me Rhaya and never Rae. I like that. The way she said it was special, only she could say it without it sounding like I was in trouble.

"Though Syaoran lives in the moment and rarely strays from it. He's right, we've only a few days of this so far, let's just not think about. Let's enjoy what we have." She said.

I couldn't resist my urge to hug her, and I did. My God, even after we got everything out of our system last night, she still radiated a warm nurturing aura. Hugging her was like hugging the unconditional love I knew she had.

She never answered me though. Was she still pondering on Tomoeda? Why hasn't she made her mind up yet? I know in her heart it was for my safety but…the thoughts of her leaving killed me. I know she thought she could stop all of this but I couldn't help but to think it was all just…guilt?

She placed her hand on my head and wrapped her other arm around me. I could get use to this. Then I felt her body tense and when I looked up at her jaw was locked and she was staring out the kitchen window. I followed her gaze and tensed myself.

Outside Kayami paced around the grass talking on her looking at her phone with that melancholy look she had since we came here. I don't know where she goes when she's not here but here she remains. Avoiding us, yet not leaving us. An unwelcome fourth member.

"Why is she still here?" I asked Sakura though she would know as much as I would.

"Don't know." She said through gritted teeth. Her hatred for Kayami would never fade, I don't blame her. Yet, she never asked her to leave. She had a right to.

"I'm sure she'd leave if you asked her to." I said meekly as I kept my eyes on Kayami.

Sakura sighed and calmed as she sat down at the table, the same seat Tomoyo always took. She stroked the edge of the cup with her thumb and creased her forehead slightly in worry. "I don't think she has anywhere to go." Sakura said with some pity. "For years she's had the comfort of Li, now that she's practically left, she has no one."

I tried to see it from her point of view. She was right, Kayami was alone. She had no family, friends or lover to go with. It must be scary. I remember the day I left Tomoyo and I didn't know where I was going. I thought the only family I ever had was gone. But I was fortunate enough to have Syaoran, and now, Sakura.

"Poor Kayami." I said.

Where would she go in all of this? If she truly escaped Li, what was left for her?

"So," Sakura said suddenly cheerful. "Any boys?" She said with a wide toothed smile.

My cheeks flushed red as I shook my head at her sudden question. "No!"

"Rhaya you can tell me! I want to know as much as I can about you! Don't be embarrassed. Did you have your first kiss yet?"

My eyes fell to my hands as I shook my head. My God, I'm sure that's something a mother would frown on at her almost fifteen year old daughter.

Sakura's forehead creased.

"I never really cared for that." I said trying to defend myself. "The valleys are…old-fashioned. The kids here don't really mix." I said embarrassed at my pathetically dead love life. "Sorry."

Sakura smiled softly. "Don't be sorry Rhaya. I was never really interested either. I only had my first kiss when I was sixteen. And your father is the only person I ever loved who I didn't meet until I was eighteen."

My heart lifted. Loved, she said she loved him. I wonder if I will ever love someone the way my parents, through their years and years of suffering, loved each other. Should I be so lucky?

Outside Kayami was speaking Syaoran. Syaoran gestured towards the shopping bag in his hand, perhaps asking her to come in? She looked so lost as she stared at my father, her face gave away traces that even after all this time, she still cared for him deeply. Kayami glanced at us through the window and shook her head at Syaoran with a polite smile on her face, declining his offer.

Sakura watched them and bit her lip. Syaoran came in returning to his high-spirited self with store bought breakfast. Sakura quietly walked out the back door to follow Kayami. My father and I watched her, nervous. Was she asking her to leave?

"This could get ugly." Syaoran mumbled and I nodded.

Sakura's face was calm as she spoke to Kayami. Kayami's face relaxed but her posture was still weary, anxious even before her lips slanted into a crooked smile and she nodded.

They walked together towards the house, Sakura touched Kayami's shoulder lightly and briefly, a gesture that indicated a sort of truce.

When they entered Syaoran and I held out breaths.

"Kayami will be joining us." My mother said sweetly.

Both Syaoran and my stance collapsed in relief as I set out a fourth table set.

X x x

Never in my life was Tomoyo's old walnut dinner table so crowded.

My mother, father, Kayami and I, all seated around on a cool afternoon talking about…things. Things that were boring, things in politics, everyday things, all talk, small talk, jokes, and stories from the past. Never once did the conversation veer towards the darkness that was around Tomoeda.

Kayami loosened up a little when she realized no one hated her…that much. I wondered if it was strange for her to be here, sitting beside someone she loved and his lover and his daughter. She'd shuffle nervously now and again but kept a weary smile.

But that didn't last long.

After what was a pleasant dinner voices rose from the TV bringing us news of a dark nature.

'_Japanese army are trying to negotiate with the Clow terrorists to reach an agreement…Local citizens trapped within the city are running low on food supply…'_

As I dried up the dishes with my mother I noticed her eyes never left the TV. Guilt was easily readable on her face. Her forehead creased and her lips pressed into a hard line. My father did his best to ignore it but his sudden silence I knew all too well.

The room became so silent I could feel the weight of their despair.

Then, a voice of confidence echoed throughout the room.

'_No surrender the Clow organisation! We will not surrender!'_

All four of us flung our heads towards the TV at the sudden change of tone. A live reporting showed a small group of men stamping their feet and beating their hands of cars, dumpsters, anything near them. Their beat was animalistic, intimidating as they roared 'no surrender' to their pagan beat. They had dark blue bandanas tied across their foreheads with blue war paint on their faces to match. Some had guns while others wielded bats, crowbars and other instruments of destruction.

One of them stepped forward to look straight on at the camera, his smudged war paint adding to his domineering presence. '_Who are you? What does your group intend to do? Are you the remainder of the Li Organization?'_ The reported asked the man, trying to project her voice over the wild drumming.

The man looked into the camera and said. _"We are the rebels. We will not have this city taken over by terrorists, we are the voice and the retaliation of the citizens who cannot speak or act. We will put an end to the Clow Organisation, The Li Organisation and any other existing threat to this city. We are the Hiiragizawa Rebels."_

My jaw dropped. Hiiragizawa Rebels? That means-

"Eriol," Syaoran said with some…humour? Hope?

"He went off the radar for years." Sakura said with a hand hovering over her lips. "He must have built a secret army within Tomoeda."

So that's why he never came back? He left Tomoyo to build his army, to save both of us. He saw this coming.

"But who would he get to rebel?" Kayami asked.

"Those who were forced into organisations, those who want peace, anyone who wanted to stop Clow." Sakura answered. Her face went smoother, semi-collapsing in relief.

'_And whom do you work for?' _The reporter asked.

'_We work for a man who wants peace, but also for the city.'_

'_Do you intend to take over the city if you succeed?'_

"_When we destroy Clow, our cause will dissolve, the city will run itself-"_

Gunshots were heard in the background followed by screams and wailing before the signal was lost and we were back to the main newsroom.

I tried my best to be normal after that but how could I? There was hope? Someone was striking back. Tomoeda wasn't doomed. If that were true, maybe, just maybe what I had right now with Sakura and Syaoran wouldn't have to end…

I side-glanced over to my parents who were in deep discussion. They kept their voices low. My father's hand held her elbow lightly but she would not look at him. She kept her eyes on the plate she was cleaning. She shook her head to whatever he was saying and bit her lip when suddenly the plate slipped out of her hand and a mighty smash rang out. Her hand flew to her mouth and she looked like she would cry. Her other hand gripped the counter for support.

Kayami jumped to her feet, blinked twice and with a false and awkward smile she directed her attention to me. "Come one Rae it's late!"

Before I could open my mouth to reply she ushered me out of the room to give my parents privacy. For once I didn't protest. When I looked back my mother's face was buried in her hands sobbing quietly while my father kissed her forehead lightly.

I don't know how much longer it can go on like this.

X x x

**Sakura's POV**

"You have to stop Sakura, none of this is your fault." He said again and held me but I refused to accept it.

"I'm part of this Syaoran and so many people are dying because of it." I said through my blurred vision. "I don't want to leave her, to leave you…but if they start looking for me I-"

"I'm not going to let them get to us Sakura!" He said with anger rising in his voice. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you I won't let them hurt you or Rae."

Looking at him now, so full of determination, bravery and…foolishness made my heart clench. He just doesn't get it does he? I'm not worthy of the life he wants me to have. How can I spend fourteen years training people to be ruthless killers, only to turn my back and have a happy life? I swore to myself I would never be happy again, I didn't deserve it.

And Rhaya…If anything happened to her because of me…Oh God I don't want to think about it.

"It will kill her if you leave." He said pressing his palms to my cheeks. "She deserves you in her life you can't walk out!"

"Where would we go Syaoran?" I asked trying to shake my head but his grip wouldn't let me. "How could we start again?"

"Anywhere. Just anywhere but you have to be there, I won't lose you a third time." His determination was so healing, but naive.

He sighed and threw his head back to collect his thoughts. I knew I frustrated him. But when he looked back at me, his eyes were softer, he didn't want to argue.

"Just stay with us a little while longer. Don't make up your mind now, wait and you'll see. You won't want to leave her, you won't." He said softly with a half-smile playing on his perfect face.

His perfect face, unscarred like mine, un-flawed like I was…

His kisses were well greeted and I melted my arms around his neck and took comfort in the fact that in his eyes, I was not the monster I knew I was…

X x x

After another two days of what I would call the normal life, my mother had changed considerably. Her affection had radiated to a new level as well as her relationship between her and my father. They laughed, teased, reminisced and bickered like a normal couple.

She showered me with affection any opportunity she could as if terrified she'd wake up and I would be gone. She would panic if I left her sight for more than five minutes. I began to think this was overdue parenting. She was smothering me, and I loved it. The thoughts of it coming to an end…

"What's wrong?" She said panicked as she picked up on my thought train immediately. I had to work on my facial expressions.

I blinked twice and Syaoran looked up from the paper he was reading. They both looked at me; it was quite an intimidating sight. I bit on my lip and wriggled uncomfortably. We were sitting out on the porch table eating a fresh lunch on a beautiful hot day; did I really want to ruin this idyllic sight?

"Um…it's nothing." I said poorly shrugging it off.

"Rhaya, tell us." She said reaching for my hand.

"What's wrong?" Syaoran asked raising an eyebrow.

"Um…it's just…well…I can't stop thinking about what going to…you know, happen. I know we said not to talk about it but…I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up and…you'll be gone."

They both remained silent. I regretted saying anything. Why o WHY do I have to ruin everything!?

"I'm sorry, forget I said anything." I mumbled and scoffed into another sandwich.

"No," She said. "You're right."

Syaoran snapped his head towards her and gave her a warning look that she choose to ignore. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and supped her tea. After an antagonizing minute she spoke.

"I was thinking maybe we should head west? We could get a boat to China, less expensive and less chance of getting caught too. From there we could go to Korea or something? Maybe Thailand? I don't mind, I just think we should be out of Japan."

She touched her scar with her little finger and contemplated while Syaoran and I went into shock. Was she saying…was she considering…?

Syaoran was the first to speak. "Are you saying that…you want to…try?"

Sakura smiled a soft and beautiful smile as she placed her hand on his. "Yes. I thought my place was here, with all the mess I made but…just being here, seeing what it's like to be…normal after so long…I want this, I want to stay with the two of you and…be a family. I'm just sorry it took so long for me to figure that out." She ended with a sad tone.

My whole body was in shock, as was Syaoran's. She wanted to stay here…she wanted to be with us, be my mother.

Syaoran's face broke out into a smile before he leaned in and un-shamefully kissed her. I could hold my excitement in no more as I leapt off my seat and threw my arms around her.

"We'll leave tomorrow." Syaoran concluded.

"If that's ok with you Rhaya? This was your home for so long now I don't want to take you away so quickly."

"It's fine." I said with an understatement. It was more than fine, it was everything I ever wanted. As much as this place was my home…it was time for a new beginning. This was our time, re-united by fate, we would start again.

This is what Aunt Tomoyo wanted for me…it was happening. I could see her now smiling down on us.

We would be alright…

The evil that lurks in Tomoeda can't possible get us now….can it…?

X x x

"What will you do?" I asked as I folded some old t-shirts and shoved them into a suitcase.

Sakura's screwed up her mouth as she thought. She shrugged as fiddled with the zip on the bigger suitcase.

"Dunno," She answered. "I'm not really good at doing anything. Maybe I'll waitress or something."

"Won't that feel weird though? Going from assassin to waitress?"

"Maybe," She chuckled. "But hey, it's safe. And even better, it's 'normal'"

"What about dad?" I asked

"Oh he'll be fine," She said waving it off. "He was always good with cars, he can get a mechanic job no problem." She said smiling, proud of Syaoran a no doubt.

"Well," I said scratching my chin. "I could get a job too! I'll look for waitressing job too!"

"No you will not!" She said wide-eyed. "As soon as we get settled down we're enrolling you into school! You've been too long out of education!"

"What! But I hated school! Don't make me do that!"

"No choice." Sakura said with her mind made up. "Anyway, how are you going to go to college without a high school diploma?"

College? I gulped. Gosh, my parents have big plans for me.

I couldn't help my elated mood; nothing could possibly bring me down. Except I was edgy, I didn't like this cloud that lurked around me. My gut was telling me that it just can't be this simple. We've fought so hard to get to where we are now, we deserve this. Yet, I had a horrible feeling that we had another hurdle to cross.

I shook my head of these negative thoughts. I can't think like that now! I had to try and be positive. Yet, I knew that unless I was in the car speeding further away from Tomoeda's ever-watching eye, I was not completely safe…

Syaoran knocked on the door and threw his head in.

"I'm just going up to the store to get last minute things any of you want something?"

"No thanks." Sakura answered.

He nodded and shuffled off. My God, even Syaoran has a spring in his step.

We had the suitcases packed and the bare essentials. I assumed my parents were just as eager to get out of here as I was. Syaoran didn't come back from the store yet so Sakura and I sat in front of the TV, avoiding any news programmes.

From the corner of my eye I spotted Kayami standing at the doorframe shuffling lightly on the spot.

Sakura noticed this too. Her posture stiffened as she forced a tight smile.

"Um…" Kayami said scratching her arm and biting her lip. "I eh…I hear you guys are leaving?"

Shit! I forgot about Kayami! How will she react? This spells the end for her doesn't it? Is she going to try and stop us?

"Yes. We are." Sakura answered lowly.

Kayami nodded with some disappointment. "I just eh…I just wanted to give you this." She said handing Sakura a thick paper envelope.

Sakura rose from the couch and grasped it. Before she even opened it she shook her head and gave it back to her." We don't need this Kayami. Thank you anyway."

"Please," Kayami begged and creased her for head. "I want you too. I don't need it anyway. And It's my way of apologising!"

"You don't need to-"

"Please!" She said cutting Sakura off. "Please take it. You'll need the money to start again." Kayami smiled so sincerely even my mother couldn't stay mad.

There was silence, was this a truce? If so, thank God. I don't think I could take the tension another day.

Kayami sat down with us and engaged in light conversation with my mother. We watched some comedy show for a while, a gentle distraction from our anticipation. Only when the show credits were on I realised that we were watching TV for about fifteen minutes.

That's when my heart began a heavier thump.

It's fine, I told myself. I can't get worked up.

Sakura noticed this too and laughed nervously. "He's probably talking to the sales guy about car parts or something. He always gets caught up rambling about that stuff." She said and laughed nervously again.

I smiled a tight smile back. My heart thumped harder. I didn't want to tell her that the person who owns the store is a ninety year old deaf woman who didn't even sell car parts, let alone know anything about them.

Another ten minutes went by. Sakura got up and boiled the kettle. From the corner of her eye I saw her hands shake. She was trying to keep calm. Kayami was keeping an anxious eyes on the clock too. She drummed her fingers on the arm of the couch but said nothing.

Where is Syaoran? He left almost a half hour ago. It takes two minutes to drive to the store…he should be back by now…

Why wasn't he back?

"Traffic," Sakura mumbled while looking out the window with her arms crossed over her chest. She began biting her nails.

"Yeah," I said hating the fact it was a lie.

We both knew a car rarely passed into the Valley's. The locals don't know what traffic is.

Another half an hour went by and Sakura was on her thirty-fourth phone call trying to reach him. He wasn't answering.

Where are you Syaoran!? Please God be alright! Please come home. Please, I'll do anything. We're so close to happiness…

Kayami emerged into the kitchen and placed a hand on Sakura's back and whispered something comforting. Sakura nodded but her face remained tense.

My heart was racing. Something was wrong. I thought I was going to be sick. Why, why, why me? Why something can't good just happen and stay that way? He was only going to the store…

Another hour of killing silence went by. I can't stay like this. Where is he? My mother paced around the room darting her eyes from the clock to the door. Kayami sat beside me with her hand on mine and a soft smile. She was really keeping this situation together. I never knew she could be so kind…

Then, finally, through the painful silence came a knock on the door. I felt the life come back to me. Thank you God!

Sakura dashed to the door with relief on her face. She threw the door back in anticipation. But her smile quickly evaporated.

I craned my neck to see him come through the door but all I saw was Sakura's face drain of colour as she took a petrified step back. Her eyes never left the figure that entered in after her.

My father was not the man who entered into the living room. This man was taller, slender, and had hair so blonde it was nearly white. In his trench coat he loomed over my mother with a smooth but stern face. Grey eyes, narrow and sharp stared down onto her, stabbing a million messages to her that she translated all too well.

Only then did I notice his gun that was pointed towards her chest, but my mother did not worry about that. She could not take her eyes off his face.

Then finally his mouth broke into a crooked smile but his eyes never left their maliciousness. His lips parted and his voice was so icy it pricked the hairs on my forearms.

"I told you I'd find you doll face…"

Sakura's lowed lip quivered, I thought she'd collapse before she uttered his name.

"Yue…"

x

**I was almost going to let them just get away from Japan and put a 'THE END' at the end of it but then I thought 'naaah' A few last hurdles before the end! **

**R&R!**


	40. Gone, Again

**I was going to upload two chapters at the same time but decided to give you this now as I think I've only around for chapters left. Not a whole lot going on in this chapter but enjoy anyway!**

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**Rae's POV:**

There was a deathly silence.

The whole room circled around the man called Yue and the half deranged half amused look in his eye. My mother, in her vulnerable state hunched her shoulders, suddenly becoming very small.

I could feel her panic before he even entered the room. There was history here. Something between my mother and Yue that spanned back maybe even before I was born.

His presence in the room was all too chilling. My feet would not budge in cowardice to go to my mother. I was struck still.

"Why are you here?" My mother's voice was barely a whisper. Her own voice crippled her.

Yue's face screwed up in pleasure watching my mother like this. "Baby…I'm keeping my promise. I'd never abandon you…" His white fingers reached for her face and trailed down her cheek.

She gasped and twitched her head away from his touch.

"I don't want you here." She breathed weakly which made his mood sour.

My mother stood petrified under is touch. It was sickening me.

"Come on Doll," He said smirking. "Haven't you learned by now? I don't give up, especially when it comes to you." He winked which turned my stomach.

I took a step forward but Kayami was in front of me before I could blink. Her arms shot in front of me, preventing me from moving forward. She shook her head with wide eyes. I tried to push past but her iron hand clamped down on me.

Yue's attention darted towards us. His grey eyes skimmed over Kayami with no remark before they settled onto me. I thought I saw a sick glint in his eye. Something sparkled darkly in those grey eyes as he dropped his hand and turned to face us.

His eyes locked on me. Sakura copped onto to what he was looking at. She dashed forwards for me but Yue was quicker. He grabbed her by the hair on the nape of her neck and fiercely yanked her back into his cold grip. Her scream was muffled by his arm locking around her chest. He tugged her head to the side so he could rest his cheek roughly against hers.

Kayami would not let me move.

"Well, well, well…" Yue purred as he rubbed the tip of his nose against Sakura's cheek. "So this is her is it? All the fuss over this small thing."

Sakura thrashed in his arms but that only made him tighten his hold on her.

"She's just like you," He breathed in some sort of wonder. "Oh Sakura, you make a beautiful child."

"Don't touch her!" She fumes as she struggled against him.

Yue's grey eyes did not leave mine. He kept his face beside hers, claiming her as his possession.

"Pretty little souvenir, Clow will be pleased."

"No!" She said eyes wide in desperation. "Rhaya run!" She shouted.

Before I could even think about running, Yue's gun rose to meet my direction. I gasped and froze.

"Ah, ah, little girl." He said and tutted. "I wouldn't move if I were you."

Kayami threw herself in front of me and whipped out a gun to retaliate. "Go through me first." She threatened despite her quivering hands.

Yue shrugged. "Ok," and cocked the gun then slowly lifted it back so that the nose of it pressed against Sakura's neck.

Kayami's eye twitched. "You wouldn't come all the way here to kill her."

"Trust me, I haven't been in a stable frame of mind lately." He laughed a short insane laugh and cocked the gun.

"Drop the gun!" I ordered Kayami with tears burning in my eyes.

Hesitantly she obeyed which caused Yue to beam triumphantly. Then he shot Kayami. She keeled over clutching her wounded arm as blood pumped out of her. I let out a short scream as I retreated back a step. I could still hear the gunshot resonate throughout the room. I thought I'd get sick.

"Yue stop!" Sakura protested.

"Shhh…" He shushed her and his eyes grew softer as his fingers stroked her scar. He leaned down and planted a delicate kiss on her cheek. It was so…intimate on his side. My mother returned none of this and continued to struggle.

I dashed forwards with rage but Kayami grabbed my wrist with her good hand and yanked my back.

"Don't touch her!" I screamed with tears coming down my face. "Don't touch her again!"

Yue's looked at me sideways keeping his lips near Sakura's ear. His lip twitched upwards. "Amazing." He breathed, "The image of you, but the temper of that bastard you so desperately cared for." The bitterness in his voice was nothing short of obvious.

I raged against Kayami's Iron hand but she would not let go.

"Rae please." She winced.

"What do you want?" Sakura finally asked her jaw locking.

Yue chuckled and smiled down at her as if it were just them two. "What I've always wanted. You sweetheart."

"That won't happen." She snapped as she finally got her nerve back.

"Oh it will baby. You belong in Tomoeda, along with the rest of the beautiful mess we've created. Look at you here, in this shack," She said twisting his mouth up in disgust as he took in the surroundings. "Acting like a common housewife, with your family, being normal, who do you think you are? Has he deluded you already? How long are you going to keep this up? Baby, you belong with me. I'm here to take you home."

He had no shame as he spoke. My blood was boiling. It was like he was bi-polar. Arrogant, violent and unpredictable, next he was soft and gentle towards my mother. His eyes were always soft when they rested on her face. Even his grip on her could be harsher.

"You've finally lost your mind." Sakura hissed.

Yue smiled at this as if it were a compliment. "Yes, I believe I might have. Only because of you doll. Only you."

"She's not going anywhere with you!" I shouted.

"I'd watch that tongue of yours little missy, or I'll cut it out." He winked at me, sending shivers down my spine.

"Don't threaten her." Sakura hissed and thrashed against him once again. "And she's right, I'm not going anywhere with you."

My chest swelled to hear her say that. She was standing by me. She won't leave me so easily.

"Oh baby, baby, baby, you'll do as you're told if you want Syaoran to live."

Myself, Sakura and Kayami's face paled all at once.

"You…you took Syaoran." I stuttered.

"Oh yes. He was a very easy catch… Didn't even notice us pulling up behind him as he smiled that stupid grin." Yue's hissed every word into my mother's ear. Just mentioning Syaoran's name infuriated him. His fingers entwined further into her brown hair, making her wince in pain, like he was punishing her.

"What did you do to him?" My mother's voice broke as she asked this.

Yue narrowed her eyes to see her so heartbroken. His grip in her hair tightened and she let out a small shriek. His jaw locked as his eyes burned into hers with rage.

"He's safe. For now. What will happen from him depends on what you do." He threatened low and harshly.

"What do you want from me?" She asked with desperation.

The mood all changed, Yue had the power now. He had Syaoran, my father, the ball was in his court.

"Have I stuttered dollface? I want you. Pack your things, we need to leave soon."

Sakura stopped thrashing and sagged in his hold. I have never seen Sakura so weak, so vulnerable to someone else. Giving up…she was GIVING UP! She squeezed her eyes shut and when she opened them they darkened. Slowly her eyes rose to meet mine and take in my traumatised face.

"I don't want to go…" She whispered with her voice breaking. Her stare firmly fixed onto mine.

Yue grunted with impatience and pushed the nose of the gun further into her throat. She did not flinch.

"There is no choice here. Either come now or I kill her in front of you, then Syaoran., then I'll drag you by your hair back to Tomoeda." He threatened.

His tone changed to serious. He was done playing around, he meant business.

Sakura's lips parted and quivered. I knew what that meant. She was about to make a drastic decision, one to end the happiness we had the past few days.

"…ok…" She rasped.

"NO!" I screamed as I felt my world crumble in an instant. "You can't go! You can't!"

My tears were unstoppable I thought I'd combust.

Sakura shuffled and Yue released her. She staggered towards me and fell to her knees in front of me. There was a red mark across her chest from where Yue pinned her down. She placed her hands at my shoulders and forced me to look at her.

"Rhaya…" She said in a low voice.

I shook my head before she could say anymore. "No." I protested and refused to listen to her. "You can't leave me you just came back. Don't do this…please…please don't go." I shook my head so hard she had to clamp my head between my palms.

My hands were shaking with rage and trauma. It can't be like this! It wasn't supposed to end like this!

"Rhaya…" She said again more calmly. "Rhaya, I have to go for a while."

My whole body trembled. Please God let this be a dream. This can't be happening…

I tried to shake my head but she wouldn't allow it. "Listen to me Rhaya. I have to do this. Not because I want to, I don't want to leave you. I-I have to do this." She said with her voice raw.

"Don't…" I pleaded out and grabbed her elbow in desperate plea.

"I have to Rhaya…" She whispered low so Yue wouldn't hear. "I'm going to bring Syaoran back. We're going to be a family, I promise you. You have to stay here ok? You have to be brave, until I come back…"

"What if you don't come back?" I dared ask.

Her lips pressed into a tight line. She had no answer because she knew; there could be no coming back from this. It was either die here or die later.

"I love you Rhaya." She said pulling me in for a hug and kissing my forehead.

I wrapped my arms around her neck, inhaling the motherly scent and felt my chest tighten. "I love you too, mom."

Yue made some noise of disapproval and Sakura loosened her hold on me. She shot Yue a cold glare that I haven't seen in a while.

"You have five minutes to get your things." He said curtly.

Sakura rose to her feet and stood in front of me. "If I go with you, you leave her alone. You don't touch her, ever. None of this involves her."

Yue rolled his eyes. "Please, I have no interest in your bastard, I just want you." He said lowly and crossed his arms tightly.

He was so adamant that my mother went with him. Like he said, he was in not stable. Something was not right with Yue.

Sakura nodded and disappeared up the stairs.

Myself, Yue and Kayami were left alone. I glared at Yue with burning rage. For the first time in my life, I genuinely wanted to kill someone. He's abducted my father, and now forcing Sakura to comply…for what though…did he…love my mother?

No, he couldn't. He was completely insane. He wouldn't know what love was. Buy maybe…who drives this far for just anyone?

"You look like your father when you glare." He said with a crooked smile. Then his smile evaporated and was replaced with a hateful look. "I really, really, hate your father."

He took a dangerous step forward. Kayami reacted immediately. "You don't touch her." Kayami was being so protective of me. I didn't know what to make of it.

Yue shot her again in the arm which sent her reeling away from me. Was now standing alone in front of him. I whirled around and Kayami winced in pain but breathed through it.

"I'll find you." I suddenly said.

Yue stopped mid-step.

"If you take my mother, I will find you, and Clow, and I'll kill both of you."

Yue smiled in a charming way. He strode forward and roughly grabbed me by the neck of my top and hoisted me up with one hand. My legs dangled a few inched off the floor.

"Gaaah!" I exclaimed at the sudden movement.

He held me half an arm's length from him. "Hmm just like your father. All talk and threats yet at the end of the day look who Sakura's ending up with, me." He snickered. "You should be thanking me; I'm saving you from an illusion."

"What are you talking about!?"

"Sakura…you actually think she can be a mother? Oh honey, so naïve." He said followed by a short mocking laugh that boiled my blood.

"Shut up!" I barked. "She's not like you!"

"Oh I know your mother a lot better than you do. Trust me. Anyway." He shrugged. "You won't last long. Neither will your father. I rue the day he knocked your mother up. I really do. I think that was the day she lost her mind."

"She did!?" I spluttered shocked. "It's you who is insane! She doesn't want to go with you! And whatever was between you two, she doesn't feel the same!"

That made him angry, really angry. He was vexed as he threw my body back so it hit the wall. My head hit the wall with a mighty force. He still held me off the ground.

"All talk little girl aren't you? I can put a stop to that when I put you in a nice little coffin beside your father."

"I maybe all talk but you're full of shit! And when Syaoran finds you he will kill you!"

Yue threw his head back and laughed loudly. His grey eyes were humoured.

"Oh we'll see about that." Then he pulled me in and hissed into my face. "We'll see about that very soon."

"Yue!"

He snapped his head to the right where my mother glared with her lips parted. Yue released me and I hit the floor hard, my knees buckling. My back hit the wall and when I looked up Sakura was in front of me. She placed her fingers on my cheek.

"Are you ok?" She asked even though the answer was obvious.

What on earth was ok about this? There was nothing remotely ok about this!

But for my mother I nodded. I, in some small, minute way knew in my heart, she wasn't doing this to leave me on purpose. She was doing this for my father, just like he would do for her.

"Don't touch her again!" Sakura fumed at Yue who shrugged.

"I don't intend to. Come on, stop wasting time. We're leaving." He narrowed his eyes threateningly.

Sakura's jaw clenched but her eyes were glazed with a bleakness that reflected mine. "Give me a minute to say goodbye." She asked lowly.

Yue grumbled and hovered by the front door.

"Rhaya," She said with a soft smile touching her face, overshadowed by the tragic circumstances.

"Mom…" I whispered, my knees threatening to give way.

"You be good. Don't do anything stupid ok? I think you have more of your father in you than me. It both worries and comforts me." She laughed softly. Her voice was that of an angel even in this predicament. How can she stay so strong when I want to crumble?

"You're strong; you know how to protect yourself. I know you'll be ok. After all, you're my daughter." She said with a broken smile.

My vision blurred her beautiful face. I reached out to touch her face to reassure she was still there.

Yes, I was her daughter. I was the assassins' daughter. I was doomed from birth. Doomed to be parentless soul. I was lucky to experience any happiness. I had Tomoyo, who loved me so dearly she gave up everything just to love me, and die for me. I had a father, who, I believe loved me unconditionally from the moment he saved me from that warehouse. And I had a mother, who sacrificed her relationship with me for my happiness, who always loved me from afar, who never ever forgot about me.

And they were all going to die for me.

A sob caught in my throat. Maybe I was in a sick and twisted way, the most beloved child on the planet.

Sakura's eyes veer off towards Kayami who is listening. I can't see Kayami but I know she is concerned about me too. I didn't blame her, she loved Syaoran too. In the very short time I've known her, I've warmed to her.

"Kayami, if it's not too much to ask, will you take care of her, please? Until she's safe?"

What!? She was leaving me to the care of Kayami? I looked behind me and Kayami was sitting upright and clutching her shoulder. I shocked expression ceased her face for a few moments. I thought she would start to shake her head and refuse point blank.

Surely she would not take care of the daughter of the man she loved? Wouldn't that be too much to ask?

"Of course." Kayami said with her voice breaking. "Anything. I more than owe you that."

Oh Kayami, you're kindness is so…comforting.

"Thank you," Sakura said. "You need to leave tomorrow. Get as far away as you can."

"No!" I protested and furiously wiped my tears away with my wrist. "We can't leave! How will you find me again?" I asked desperately clawing at her arms to keep her with me.

Sakura chest puffed, she was going to cry. She swallowed. "Oh Rhaya, I found you after all this time didn't I? I'll find you again, I always will." She said with tears prickling in her eyes.

She pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. No, it wasn't supposed to end like this. We were so close, so nearly there, so close to defying the grimness our destiny should have been.

"Come on!" Yue growled when my embrace with my mother lasted too long.

All too soon, her arms loosened and she pulled herself away.

A loud sob escaped my throat and I had to slap a hand over my mouth to contain any more. I didn't want my mother to see me weak. I had to be strong like her.

Sakura's eyes were raw as she backed away slowly, increasing the cold distance between us. She had to restrain herself from running back to me.

Oh, no, it's happening all over again. She's leaving me, but through no fault of her own. Except this time…it's all too clear to me. I am not a baby anymore. I know what's happening…its killing me.

I can't keep upright anymore. My knees buckle beneath me. I thought I'd hit the floor but somehow Kayami's catches me. She holds me close, saying nothing.

Sakura stand frozen, she's re-living it all again. Yue harshly grabs her elbow and tugs her towards him. He doesn't let her go. He takes Sakura's suitcase and thrusts the door open and lets the bitter night in.

Sakura's heels drag against the floorboards as her face, her beautiful scarred face disappears into the night.

I am suddenly brought back to my fourteenth birthday.

I remember the candles flickering on the cake. Tomoyo waiting in anticipation with that broad motherly smile on her face. I can remember closing my eyes and wishing, wishing…wishing…

_'I wish I could see my parent…together…"_

Who would have thought that wish would have come true…?

But just like candles on a birthday cake, burning brightly, they do not last. They are only temporary. And when they are blown out I am left in darkness, and my wish is dead, and all that is left is the smoke of a fire once burning.

I could not be strong anymore...I crumble in Kayami's arms and begin and inconsolable cry…

X x x

**Eriol's POV:**

"Not long now." I murmur.

My thumb stroked the handkerchief, feeling the tattered fabric.

I am in darkness once again. I feel like I have been since you died Tomoyo. Your face is becoming less clear to me as the months go by and is replaced by the last horrific image of you slipping away from me. This frightens me. I don't want to forget you.

I sigh.

Damn you Tomoyo! Why didn't you let me die with you that day? Why did you give me reason to live!? Why leave me on this God-forsaken wasteland with nothing but this small handkerchief, this small thing that reminds me of you.

Again, I sigh.

My thumbs circles around the small 'T.H' letters. My chest tightens. All these years of living…empty. Building up this army, trying to restore some sort of peace…was it worth it? Are you happy now Tomoyo? Are you!?

I lean back into the armchair. I close my eyes and try to ignore the gunshots, the screams and the cries that resonate outside the boarded windows of this building.

"Listen to them Tomoyo." I mutter. "Listen to them crying…I forget what anything else sounds." I press the handkerchief to me nose and inhale.

Sometimes if I try hard I think it still smells like you. Like your beautiful hair, and your neck. It feels like you too sometimes, like you're soft, soft skin. I frown when I look at it. It is no longer white; it is the colour of dirt after all these years. Dirt and blood of bodies that have died in this war. It is no longer soft either…It is tattered and ripped, worn down from wandering from place to place…

I miss you Tomoyo…I miss you so much…

"I should have given you everything…" I whispered. "I should have given you children; we should have left this dump. We shouldn't have been so afraid…" Then I laughed. "Well…you were never afraid were you? It was I who deprived you of what you wanted. I'll never know why you wanted me Tomoyo…"

I lolled my head back.

"We had those last few years though, didn't we? For a while, we had a daughter. We had our little Rae…and even though she wasn't ours, I loved her. We had a family Tomoyo…briefly, but we had one…"

_It was not enough!_ A voice barks in my ear. I clench the handkerchief.

No…it wasn't enough. Not enough for you Tomoyo.

There was a sudden knock at the door. I glared at the door.

"What?" I barked. I hate to be interrupted in my alone time.

The door opens slightly and Daichi, my right hand man in all of this, pokes his head around the door.

"Apologies sir, but we need your permission to advance into District 15 and 16."

I squeezed my temples with my thumb and forefinger. This was stressful. For the first time in my life I empathised with Meiling and her hot-temper. It was hard to keep your cool when you were wanted 24/7.

"Yes advance but keep out of district 19. We don't know how many they have there yet."

"Yes sir." He said saluting.

I mentally roll my eyes. Daichi was ex-army and knew his stuff. I admired him though. I wouldn't have half an army without him.

"Oh one more thing sir." He said before leaving.

"What?"

"Our spies on the east wing spotted a van pull up outside Area 1."

I tensed. Area 1 is the danger zone, the place we suspect Clow must be hiding.

"And?" I asked.

"They took someone out of the back of the van. Our spies recognised him as a possible ex-Li. Um…Xiao Lang Li's son…"

"Syaoran…" I breathed.

My face drained of colour. But how! HOW?

"Are you sure?!" I asked rising from my seat and walking towards the boarded up window. Looking through the peephole I could see Area 1. Lit up like a Christmas tree, mocking the rest of Tomoeda with its extravagance. If they brought Syaoran there…it's not good news. Who else do they have?

…Rhaya.

"Pull our troops from district 12 to 16." I said suddenly. "We advancing towards Area 1."

Daichi mouth hung open but he couldn't find words to speak. "Bu-but sir! We're not ready! We're doing good work in the districts! We've pulled so many people out, caught a lot of the Clow-"

"And that's all very good but we both know it's a matter of time before Clow sends his army to stop us! We need to take him down from the inside. You and I both know we were putting it off Daichi. It's now or never. Clow can only stay so long locked up in his tower admiring the view before he takes us down."

"But what about the heir?"

I swallowed. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Besides, the heir to Clow's reign is just rumours."

"What if it's not?"

I gulped and said what needed to be said.

"Then we'll kill ever last one of them."

Daichi nodded and left.

It wasn't just about Syaoran or Rhaya. This had to end. We take Clow out, the domino effect will happen. Chaos will spread. Orders will go un-followed, causing confusion amongst them. We will strike before they can declare a new leader. Those who were forced into Clow will leave…

The reign will come to an end…

I brushed the handkerchief against my face. It wasn't just about Clow, there was a personal level to this too…

I know you're hiding in there Takashi…you think you're safe now…

Don't worry Takashi, don't worry at all…I'll find you, and I'll kill you for what you did to Tomoyo…

And when I see the life drain from your eyes…it will be worth the years of waiting.

And then…then…I can finally die…

X x x

**Hoping to update the next chapter early next week! **


	41. My darling, my darling, let me go

**Back again!**

**This has to be the longest I haven't updated so apologies! **

**There isn't a lot storyline-wise going on in this chapter but after not writing for so long you have to give me some time to readjust to where I left off!**

**Normal POV: 10 Years Ago**

_Sakura felt a chill that morning._

_She shuddered under the thin blanket. She rolled onto her side and embraced herself from the cold._

_Sakura's breathing was thin as her bony chest exhaled and inhaled. _

_She could hear Yue shuffling around in the kitchen before he arrived at her door. Sakura did not acknowledge him or the grin on his face. He edged around her bed and frowned slightly when her eyes did not travel up to meet his. _

_He moved towards the curtains and pulled them apart, letting the blinding white light flood in. _

'_Aaagh' Sakura moaned and shielded her eyes with her arm._

_The snow outside was glorious, giving off the impression that they were in a snow globe. But Sakura was passive about it. _

_Again Yue frowned as he saw her ribs protrude against her skin. Her collar bones jutted from her chest, she had become so thin. _

_He clenched his fists and thanked God that that bastard was far away from her. _

_The bed sank a bit as he crawled over to her. His arm reached around her to pull her facing him. Her eyes were dull when they faced him. Her spark, her fight, her everything had left her._

"_What?" She asked after a minute of silence. _

_He smirked and kissed her nose. She protested a little which made him laugh. "It's Christmas, I'm not going to let you stay here and mope by yourself." _

_Sakura narrowed her eyes at him. "And what if I want to?" _

_Yue laughed and suddenly leaped out of the bed. He scooped his arms under her and launched her up. _

"_Yue stop!" She shouted and beat at his shoulders._

_He spun her around in circles and burst through the door. He dropped her onto the kitchen counter. She was furious now._

"_Yue I don't want to do anything just leave me alone-" _

_He silenced her with his finger. His lip curled up into a soft smile. He loved to see her so flustered, so taken by surprised. Her hair was tousled and her cheeks red from the rude awakening. He wanted to kiss her there and then but knew it would alter her mood in a way he didn't know. He settled for a kiss on the forehead. _

_She blushed and looked down._

"_Sit, I'm cooking you breakfast. We have a big day ahead of us." He planted a mug of tea in front of her which made her settle a little._

"_We do?" She said. _

"_We do." He said giving nothing away._

_Sakura's eyes drifted towards the window, to the wondrous snow that continued to fall in fat flakes. As beautiful as it was, she could not shake the heaviness inside her._

_It was first Christmas she was not with Rhaya. Not secretly listening to her high pitch voice, not watching her sleep and wishing she could reach out and touch her. It was impossible to escape this year. Clow kept his leash tight on them all. Sakura was so…empty. _

"_Eat up!" Yue said scowling a little. _

_He also kept a very close eye on Sakura as usual. _

_X_

"_Where are we going?" Sakura asked as she shivered under her coat._

_Her feet were numb from trudging through the snow to some unknown place. Yue put his arm around her and reeled her in tight. Sakura would have shrugged away but he felt so…warm._

_Yue winked at her, making Sakura blush, "Spending time with family."_

"_Sakura-san!" She heard a high pitched voice in front of her. Fuutie ran and huffed a few feet away from her followed by Kero. _

_Fuutie threw her arms around Sakura which stunned her momentarily. Before she could speak Fuutie grabbed her hand and led her straight on. Sakura's feet froze to the ground and would not budge. She didn't want this, she wanted to be alone, she wanted to be in Japan, with her daughter. She didn't want to feel…wanted… _

_She panicked and stiff before she felt the sudden icy shock of a snowball hit the side of her face. Her mouth dropped open at the shock and anger. _

_When she turned around, Yue was dusting his hands and shrugging at her. _

_Sakura was so mad…so angry…so…so_

_She laughed, loudly. Kero stood in awe he never heard her laugh before. _

_Sakura picked up a large pile of snow and formed it into a ball. Yue's smiled widened as he ducked as did the rest of them. Before they knew it they all engaged in the snowfight that lasted an hour, Sakura's laughter rising above them all._

_X_

_Sakura sat on the bench, with a small content smile on her lips. Yue flopped beside and rested his head on her lap. It was so…intimate it made Sakura blush. _

"_Yue…"_

"_Just let me lie here." He mumbled and closed his eyes._

_She continues drinking her tea and tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. He was just like that sometimes. Even after knowing him this long she could not figure him out. He could be heartless one minute, seemingly uncaring and distant, sleeping with countless woman and the next, so loving and tender towards her. _

_The air was bitterly cold. Some snow continued to fall from the clouds and dance around the glow of the streetlights. It was near midnight and the park was soulless. From an outsiders point of view they were an idyllic couple and not two killers in a bizarrely tranquil state. _

_Sakura didn't want him to be so affectionate though, she didn't want his love, she didn't deserve it in her eyes. She has rejected him so many times…but he always was persistent, forceful at times…_

_The snowflakes frenzying around her took her breath away. The ice beneath her feet was so perfectly glazed with frost she could see her own reflection. Sakura didn't even realize that her hand was playing softly with his hair, feeling the softness tickle her fingers. She guiltily looked down on his face. He was so handsome, perfect skin, sharp jawline, sharp grey eyes and long lashes. Soft lips that have been on hers so many a time, though not always through her need._

_He made this day perfect, next to seeing Rhaya. He distracted her from her thoughts. To think she would have spent the day alone…he really did wonders to her. _

_Sakura had to admit…sometimes she would be a total mess without him…_

_Yue suddenly flickered his eyes towards her. She took a sharp breath. She was caught staring. _

"_What are you looking at doll?" He asked being his ever charming self. _

_He turned to lie on his back and face her. _

"_Nothing," She mumbled." I just…I just want to say thank you… for today." Sakura smiled weakly, she didn't know how he'd react to that. _

_Yue's face stayed unreadable as he brushed her cheek and traced a finger around her lips. "I love this smile." He whispered, changing the mood altogether._

_Sakura took a sharp intake of breath. The leather of his glove was smooth and sleek on her face._

"_I wish I could make you smile like this every day."_

_Sakura was completely thrown. Yue was never one for speaking in such a romantic way. He was always cheeky, slick…never so open._

"_Yue…" Sakura breathed and placed a hand over his and leaned into it. She closed her eyes. She didn't want him to do this, why did he have to care about her so much?_

_He sat up and took the mug from her hand and placed it onto the ground. He looked her in the eyes, commanding her attention. "I got you something." He said with a small burst of boyish excitement. _

_From his pocket he dug out a small beautifully wrapped box. Sakura stared at it quizzically. "But I didn't get you anything…" She said meekly. _

"_I don't care. This was last minute anyway." He said with a crooked smile. _

_Sakura gulped and took it gently from his palm. It was wrapped in black paper with a dark green bow on it. She was nervous as she opened it. Her numbed gloved hands fumbled with it until finally she lifted the lid and there sat a small locked. Sakura bit her lip as she opened it. _

_Her heart flew to her throat as suppressed a small sob. In the locket was a picture of Rhaya no more than three years old smiling a wide toothed grin. _

"_Yue…how…"_

"_You forgot to burn that one. I don't want you to hide things from me Sakura. No one will find out about her, I promise."_

"_Oh Yue…" She whispered not knowing how to express her happiness. _

_He placed it around her neck and nodded with approval. Their eyes looked again and they both felt that familiar pull towards each other. It was magnetic, unbreakable, and terrifying. _

_Yue leaned in slightly, testing the waters. Though her nature was that of a killer, her pink cheeks and commanding eyes betrayed that. Sakura did not move, she was paralysed in fear and anxiety but most of all…want. She wanted him, but for what? To numb the pain of not being with her daughter? Of because of him…because she still thought about him…or did she really want Yue? Did she deserve him…?_

_His lips found hers and it was done, there was no going back now…just like all the other times…He was a drug…_

"_Yue…" She said and pressed a hand against his chest. "We shouldn't…it's not fair to you and I…"_

"_You miss her." He said understanding…_

_She nodded. _

"_There's someone else on your mind." He said tight-lipped._

_Sakura shook her head. "No….no not him…he's dead to me I told you this so many times Yue it's just that…I can't…be with someone after everything…" Sakura lowered her head…she was ashamed to admit that after all this time Syaoran still was in her mind._

_Yue's thumb stroked her lip. "If I ever see you with him again…I will kill him. I will never let him touch you again." There was a threatening edge to his voice as always when he spoke about Syaoran._

_Sakura winced. _

"_I hate what he's done to you…" Yue said lowly which gave Sakura shivers…_

"_He hasn't destroyed me Yue…I'm over it…I'm done with him why should you hate him?…"_

_Yue smiled a sad smile…pitying her…_

"_It's because of him…you will never realize how much I love you…" _

_Sakura swallowed…there was that word again…love. He loved her. That was why she didn't want this kind of relationship with him. She could not love. She was cold…she didn't deserve love._

"_Yue don't-"_

"_I know. You don't want to be loved. But for tonight Sakura, let me love you. Please." _

_Sakura succumbed to his desire, his lust, his love. And later 0as they fell onto the silky sheets Sakura let Yue once again make her numb from passion. She knew it was wrong, she should stop doing this, she shouldn't let him touch her the way she did but…sometimes she just couldn't say no. He stripped her down and planted a firm kiss full of passion onto her lips._

"_One of these days," He whispered low into her ear. "You'll drive me completely insane…_

_X x x_

**Sakura's POV:**

"Yue!" I yelled in attempt to pull him from some daydream he was caught up in.

He blinked twice and smiled.

"Are you even listening to me?" I said frantically trying to get him to see sense.

We were accelerating down the highway at an unfathomable speed. He's been silent for the past ten minutes, his thoughts fled to another realm.

"Sorry doll, I was just thinking." He said with a goofy smile that added to the madness of the situation. "You hungry? I'm kinda in the mood for a crepe."

"What!?" He says this in a smooth voice unaffected by my hysterics. "No I'm not hungry! What do you want from me Yue you've completely lost it!" I wailed and tear my hands through my hair.

"Yeah I guess I have haven't I?" He said and laughed in a high pitched voice. "Well at least it will never get boring living with me will it? You know what we need in our new apartment? Candles. I always thought our old place in Shanghai was a bit dull without them."

I could only stare at him incredulously. His eyes were so wide with crazy hyper-ness and tiredness.

"Our…apartment..?" I whispered. "What are you talking about?"

"Our apartment! In Tomoeda!" He said with a tinge of annoyance because I was not up to date with his plans for us. "It's just five minutes from work and it's just beside Starbucks just like you like it! Our rooms are opposite each other just like in Shanghai!" He was giddy now.

His eyes briefly glanced at me to check for some enthusiasm. When he saw my horror stricken face his hand went to squeeze mine. "Doll don't worry. It's a scary change but we'll adjust. You and me, like the old times…" His smile widened but his eyes were still deranged.

Words would not form in my mouth. I was stunned into silence. He's planned our future. He thinks I want to be with him like the old times. Like we'd just continue on as if nothing happened, as if I never reunited with my daughter, as if Syaoran and I…

"Yue…" I breathed. "I don't want that…"

He winced as his hand tensed around the steering wheel.

"What? We can find a new apartment. Whatever you want. We'll do whatever you want Sakura." His breathing became frenzied, pleading almost.

"Yue, I don't want any of it. Not Clow, not an apartment in Tomoeda, none of it…I want-"

I cut myself off before I could even think of saying the rest of my sentence. Yue was in such an unpredictable mood…If I said the wrong thing who knew what would happen.

Yue sensed it though. His hand became painfully tight around mine. His mood darkened so quick it gave me shivers. His foot hit the accelerator harder and we darted forward like a bullet.

"I told you…" He said so icily that I felt my heart throw itself into my stomach. "If I ever saw you with him again…I'd kill him." His pale grey eyes froze into a derange look. Possessive and demonic was his aura.

A lump formed in my throat. "You said he was safe. You said you wouldn't kill him…"

Yue remained silent.

"Yue!" I screamed. "You promised you wouldn't kill him!"

"And I didn't. Not yet." His voice was threatening.

A sob escaped my throat. "Please don't hurt him Yue. Please…I love him."

No sooner were the words out of my mouth when he slammed on the breaks. I was so sudden I shot forward. My seatbelt caught me from cracking my head against the dashboard. The car gave an almighty screech as it skidded into a halt.

I threw my head back to catch my breath. Before I could ask him why he did it he was out of the car and slammed the door shut and stormed away from the car.

I sat in silence for a second and wondered if he was coming back. My breathing was jagged, heart thumping. I watched as his silhouette sank down the deep dirt hill until I could no longer see the silvery sheen of his hair.

I swerved my head around in complete helpness-ness. What now? My eyes caught the silver wink of the car keys in the ignition. He left the keys in. I whipped my head out the window and squinted into the darkness, not a soul to be seen. I could leave now. In his temporary moment of madness perhaps he had forgotten that he left the keys.

I slid into the driver's seat and tried twice with my shaky blundering hand to start the car until in resurrected into life. Free!

But I could not bring myself to hit the accelerator. The highway was empty, nothing was stopping me…except the guilt I'd feel…

What if he really thinks we're going to be together? What if he truly sees a future with us so much so he came back for me?

…Syaoran never came back…and Yue was always there…

I shook my head vigorously. No! Stop thinking about those things and just drive!

But frozen I remained. My lips parted behind my scarf and I gazed out into the blackness where Yue disappeared. What if what I said hurt him too much? What if he wants to hurt himself? I can't live with that!

But he's insane! He not stable, there's nothing I can do!

…but I care about him…

He's meant so much to me…can I really chance that he'll be safe?

I sighed…no…I can't.

I slowly unbuckled my seatbelt and threw my legs out into the cold bitter night. I shivered as I half-sprinted down the dirt hill. The air bit my skin harshly but now was not the time to complain. I skidded to a stop and scanned the terrain. A still lake sat randomly in the middle of the field.

Then I saw him, perched on a rock with his back to me. I felt my body half collapse in relief. He's safe. My toes were numb to the bone as I trudged across the gap between us and stopped just beside him.

He sat with his knees bent and a hunched back, eyes forward eyeing up the lakes shiny surface. I looked down at his silvery scalp with an urge to run my fingers through it or do some gesture that reassured our relationship.

But I couldn't, not anymore. It was so different now. I didn't need his comfort anymore to block out thoughts of Syaoran. I didn't need his affection. I didn't need to try and keep him by my side anymore….because I had Syaoran.

And he….he had nothing but his fantasy world in which he and I were together.

A wave of guilt broke over my head. I kneeled down by his side so our shoulders had the slightest gap between us. We sat in silence, the two of us. He did not look at me, whether he was caught up in a delusion or he was angry…I didn't know. I just didn't know anymore…

I was stuck for something to say….anything that could reassure him, make him Yue again, But nothing I could say would fix this.

"Why do you love him?" He asked suddenly in a softer tone than earlier.

I felt my heart literally skip a beat. I parted my lips to speak, but closed them again. Such a big question and after sixteen years, should be easy to answer.

Why so I love Syaoran Li….?

"I-…I just do I guess." I answered which didn't satisfy him. "The heart wants what the heart wants." I laughed awkwardly.

"Not good enough." He answered. "He's done so much to you, given you so much heartbreak and yet you still go back to him…"

I swallowed. This was hard. Yue's charade of 'everything's ok and we'll forget you ever went away' had deteriorated.

"I love him because…" And then I took a deep breath knowing that each word I would say would kill him slightly more. "He makes my world stop, without even doing anything. Just seeing him…it still makes me nervous in a good kind of way. And when I'm around him it's like, it's like we don't live in the world we live in with Li and Clow, I'm untouchable when I'm with him. It feels like I'm on drugs all the time and I can't imagine ever being happy without him…I'd die if I lost him…He's a part of me…"

The air around us was still as I waited for him to reply.

Yue finally lifted his head up so I could see those grey eyes. He turned his body to face me.

"It doesn't sound like there was ever any room for me." He said with a short nervous laugh that broke my heart.

"Yue…" I breathed and grazed the sides of his face with my fingers. "That's not true…a part of me did…love you." The words sounded so alien when I said them out loud.

But it was true…A part of me did love Yue, and always had. We…we could have been…but my heart was with Syaoran before him.

Yue placed his hand over mine. "Then we can try," His voice pleaded. "Try and love me completely, I won't hurt you like he did."

I shook my head. "Yue…I can't. That's not fair to you, and it was never fair of me to be so intimate with you in the past…you deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be." It was true, Yue deserved love.

"I won't be with anyone else." He said with sudden intensity and bitterness as his hand clutched mine. He was losing his cool. "I can't…I don't want to live not having you…with me…" His head suddenly fell heavy onto my shoulder. His arms wrapped around me like ivy. I could not budge.

"I'll do anything, I'll give you everything you want Sakura. Just stay with me. Don't make me go on alone."

I froze in utter shock. This was so unlike Yue, he was never like this, never so desperate and needy for love

"Yue this isn't you. Please don't feel this way over me." My heart was thumping so fast I thought I'd get sick. He was begging, Yue never begs, he was always so strong, did his own thing….

I did this to him…I broke him…

"I know…" He laughed a stock laugh then looked at me. "This isn't me…this is what you've done to me. I'm weak." He said through a broken smile that destroyed me.

I shook my head. "No, you're not." I placed my hands on both sides of his face. "You've been strong for me…"

For almost fourteen years I had Yue, unfairly, telling myself that I was fine. And I was fine…as long as I had Yue. I can try and justify my actions but I knew…I knew I leaned on him. He wanted that from me and now after all these years…I was asking him to let me go.

I didn't need his strength anymore…Seeing him like this showed me the nature of my selfishness…

"I want to be strong for you…" He whispered not holding back on his emotions. "It's all do, all I know anymore. We're all gone now, Kero, Fuutie…our little family is gone. I don't know how to be anything other than…yours." The last few words slipped desperately from his lips. I thought I heard my heart break.

"Yue…" I said with my voice breaking and pressed my cheek against the top of his head. I didn't know what to do so I wrapped my arms around his neck.

What have I done….

"I love you Sakura…No matter how much you don't want to hear it…I love you."

His breath came soft against my neck.

He has told me that three times in my life….and now I can accept it. He loves me. He's stayed by my side, loved me, comforted me for years, come looking for me three times. I'm not worthy of this man. And not I've driven him insane.

"I'm sorry Yue…I'm so sorry…." My chest tightened as my eyes began to burn. "But you have to let me go."

His arms tightened around my ribs as I said this. His head burrowed further into my chest unwilling to release me.

"I…can't…"

"Please." I begged.

We were just torturing each other. We can't go on like this.

"What can I do?"

I shook my head…."There's nothing you can do Yue. I love him; I love Rhaya, that's where I belong, with them."

I lifted his head and locked eyes with him.

"They are my everything."

His eyes were glazed with a defeated look. Blank and absent of their gleam, their sparkle that defined him as Yue.

His finger traced the line of my bottom lip in a trance, his eyes lazy with his pleas and efforts. He was killing me here. How many times do I have to hurt him for him to understand the point?

"Yue…can't you see? The life we were living together, it's not what I wanted. It was punishment for myself. You don't want the same life I want. You want the power, the glory, you don't want kids, settling down, having a low key job, doing school runs or attending PTA meetings?"

"….I would have…for you" he breathed which made me pull my face from his grasp. I can't look at him.

"I would have done anything for you…I still would."

"Love isn't about sacrificing who you are Yue. This is no different so please…let me go…" I whispered feeling the weight of fourteen years go.

It wasn't just a plea for him, it was for myself. Because it would hurt me too…never to see my Yue again. I also had to let go.

"If there was no Syaoran…no Rhaya…would there have been…would we…"

"We would be together." I breathed. My breath came out in a pale puff of cloud that was slow to evaporate.

I blinked hard and looked back at his broken face. I think that's what killed him the most…knowing that if Syaoran and I had never crossed paths…the 'could have been an us…Yue and Sakura… together in their own twisted world.

Yue's head hung low…I'm almost certain this is realization hitting him. The moment I was back in Japan I slipped through his fingers so fast he had no time to digest it. I kissed his scalp, inhaling his musky-nicotine scent that was for years…my comfort.

"It killed your mother…loving a Li."

I snapped my head a fraction towards him, looking for an explanation to what he said. His sad eyes looked blankly at mine.

"What do you mean…like my mother…?"

Yue took a breath and lolled his eyes towards the lake. "You're mother…Nadeshiko…she loved a Li too, Xiao Lang Li, and died because of it. Fujitaka's jelousy…well you can imagine how it turned out, why your father saw reason to betray Li."

I felt my heart sink and my brain burn out. Again, I was reminded about how little I actually knew about my mother. Like mother like daughter I suppose…can't stay away from those Li's.

"I don't want you to end up like your mother…because of a Li." Yue said brushing the hair from my eyes. "Can't you learn from your mother? Can't you see this isn't the right path for you?"

I closed my eyes and breathed three deep breaths. I threw my memory back to all the hurt, all the pain and the guilt over one man, Syaoran Li. Was I to ever learn my lesson? But the pounding in my heart thudded through my body and all I could hear was 'Syaoran…Syaoran…'

Mother…perhaps we are both destined for doom. We follow our hearts too much, lets hope I turn out different…

"I must be as stubborn as you've always said then." I said with a small smile daring to play on my lips. "Let me go." I whispered one last time.

"Will it truly make you happy? To be with him?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't suffer anymore."

"You could die."

"I know. But at least I'll die trying."

The back of his fingers grazed my cold cheek. "I've watched you punish yourself for so many years, hate and loathe yourself…It…killed me…I thought I would be the one to…" He cut off and bit his bottom lip, something Yue only did once… "To make you love again."

"If it wasn't for you, I'd be completely dead inside."

With great effort he stood up and the cold between us was bitter, necessary though. He turned his back to me and became detached. I knew his eyes were closed in some inner battle. Please Yue…I pleaded mentally. His fists were balled up so tightly and his jaw locked. By all means he had the strength to kill me to see that I'd never be with Syaoran or Rhaya again. He was someone I could never fight physically with. He knows me too well.

"We'll drive past the barrier into Tomoeda. You won't get in without me. But the rest is up to you." He said with his voice moulding layers of gruff and huskiness, the way the old Yue talked.

He jingled his keys and marched towards his car not checking whether or not I followed. Dunbfounded and shocked I stumbled behind him. He was going to take me there, he was going to help me…

He was heartbroken…

So maybe in this awfully grim and world full of despair, small beacons of light can appear…even if I didn't deserve it…

X x x

**I had to tie this loose end a bit! **

**I was thinking when I EVENTUALLY finish this fanfic I was going to write a small one from Yue's POV with Sakura, just a few chapters, what do you think? **

**Just to clear things up even though Nadeshiko and Xiao Lang Li had an affair Sakura and Syaoran are NOT related! (just in case some of you thought I was gonna drop that bomb into it!)**

**Anyway sorry again for being so absent but I have NOT given up on this story! **

**Can't promise when the next chapter will be up but hopefully soon!**

**R&R!**


	42. Sins and Grudges

**I've left a huge gap between chapter updates so sorry! **

**Anyway, here's more!**

**Enjoy!**

**Rae's POV: Present Day**

To be fair to Kayami, she kept her word.

We sat across the table from each other in miserable haunting silence and grimed over the multiple hypothetical future of Syaoran and Sakura.

Her eyes would wander to the clock every now and again only to be disappointed in the fact that only four hours had passed since Yue bombarded into the house. The radio kept us up to date with the happenings in Tomoeda, which were as expected, bleak.

Then a thought entered my head.

"Kayami, how come you're not out there? If Meiling was your aunt, then most of your friends are there too right?"

Kayami shifted uncomfortably and ran a hand through her soft long hair. She seemed embarrassed by my direct question.

"Um…I wouldn't go as far as to call them my 'friends'." She explained. "In fact, the only people who ever treated me kindly was Tomoyo, who's dead, and Takashi, who used me. Your father was my only genuine friend. And he'd want me to stay here and take care of you." She smiled awkwardly secretly hoping that her answer would be satisfying.

I saw it as slightly cowardly. How can she sit comfortably when everyone, including the man she loved was out there? I'd do anything to be there. I feel like I'll explode with frustration if I sit around for another minute.

"What if they all die? And you did nothing?" I murmured.

"I was never a good killer Rae, I would last out there a second before a bullet goes through my head."

"But you've lasted this long, you must be doing something right?"

She blew hot air into her cheeks. "I like to think of myself as a silent killer. Someone un-suspecting. Some killings require no gunshots or fighting. They require patience and precision in timing. I guess I was the only one."

"How'd you do that?"

"Poison mainly. Slit to the throat at the right time. Sometimes suffocation."

"How would you get away with that?"

She swallowed but there was a hint of a glint in her eye.

"Sometimes I'd have to be in a certain…position that allows me to do so, seductive mainly."

I knitted my brows together. I guess that's make sense. With her striking looks I suppose she would be a natural fit to seduce and kill rather than guns out and blood type of killer. I wonder how many men she had to seduce, I wonder if she feels guilty for it.

"Here," She said with a coy smile and produced a small plastic bag of pills, white and circular. "One of there would tranquilize a house for a week."

I parted my lips as I took the bag. There were about thirty pills in the bag.

"My main weapon. Dissolves in any liquid within thirty seconds kill in less than a minute."

My eyes expanded as I glanced down at the glass or water I was drinking.

She laughed. "Don't worry, you're safe. Keep those." She said nodding towards the pills in my hand. "You may need those someday so pull a fast one on someone." She winked at me.

"I do wish there was something I could do though. I hate sitting around here waiting. But…I'm just not strong enough. I guess your parents knew that already. I would do anything to help them though…" She sighed heavily with what I assumed was frustration.

But what would she be frustrated over? She was getting out of this alive wasn't she? What's bugging her?

Unless…she does want to be out there…unless she wants to prove to my father that she isn't what everyone makes her out to be, a useless amateur assassin.

Then a brilliant plan formed in my head that would satisfy us both…get us both what we wanted, mainly, a way out for me.

"You know Kayami, the valleys is a three hour drive from the nearest town or city, the chances of anyone coming here is slim, next to nothing."

Kayami looked puzzled before rolling her eyes. "Forget it kid, your dad put me in charge to take care of you, I am NOT taking you to Tomeda so you can get pointlessly murdered."

"I'm not talking about me!" I said with false horror. "I'm just saying that _you_ don't have to stay here! I mean, this place is a GHOST TOWN! Nothing would happen me here! You can help them! You just said 'I would do anything to help them!"

"Yeah but…no you're twisting my words you know I didn't mean it like that! Stop talking!" She said as she became agitated and grabbed a near-by magazine titled _'Home cooking for the family' _She buried her face in it so she could avoid my accusing gaze.

"Oh I see…" I said with exaggerated enlightenment. "So you really are a coward. So all them things Syaoran said about you are true aren't they? That's a shame."

She lowered the newspaper slowly peered over the clean pages. "I'm not a coward, I'm doing what I was asked."

"Ok, so you're not a coward. You're just not fit enough to join the rest of them out there in Tomoeda."

"Watch it kid or I'm gonna loose it! No one here is going to Tomoeda ok? And yeah," She said with a sulky tone. "I am a coward, and I'm not fit enough to fight alongside them, you happy now?"

She snapped the magazine in front of her face.

"But Kayami, you are." I said furthering my plan. "Look at what you can do so far. You've succeeded in helping towards the greatest terrorist attack ever in Japan, you've separated my parent for over fourteen years and most importantly, you've brought my father back from the pit of despair."

"Yeah you're right, I'm great." She said sarcastically.

"No, what I mean is, you make a difference Kayami, maybe not in a good sense in the past but…this time you really can! You can help them I know you can. You owe it to them."

Kayami's eyes rounded in worry and anxiety. "I…no I mean, I was asked to take care of you…"

"Look, Syaoran gets it wrong sometimes. Maybe that applies to you." I said in a softer tone…reeling her in. "Kayami, if something were to happen to my father, do you want him to die thinking of you how he does now? I know you're better than what he thinks."

"Rhaya please…there's nothing I can do."

"So you're gonna let them die!" I yelled. "Stop moping around wishing there was something you _could _do when there is! You know Takashi, can't you guess what he's thinking, manipulate him or use you _special techniques _to get close to Clow or SOMETHING!? You're not useless Kayami, you're not! You can help, you _need to help them_! Then, you can be forgiven for what you did to them!"

I pulled out that card. I saw her wince, saw the memories of her past sins darken her irises and stir an unpleasant grimace on her face. It was working, I sensed the guilt radiating off her.

"Don't worry, if I no one comes back from me…I'll move on. If I could survive Tomoeda, I can survive anywhere."

Kayami parted her lips and closed them into a hard line, deliberating. "There is…something I can do…"

My head flinched up.

"There…is…?"

Kayami stood up all of a sudden and paced back and forth, her lips moving silently and rapidly. She stop in the middle of the floor and looked at me.

"Do you swear you're safe here…I mean, I can't take any chances."

"I swear." I said standing up poker straight and saluting like a loyal soldier.

She bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair.

"You're right." She concluded. "I can't just sit here and do…nothing. I have to try. I'm not a failure. They're all wrong." She said with some anger.

My plan was working.

"You're not a failure Kayami. You need to do this, to redeem yourself and all that…"

"Fine, FINE. But go to bed, I'm not leaving until I know you're asleep. No way."

I nodded. "of course, I'll go now!" I said and rushed to my bedroom thinking, Oh Kayami, how naïve you can be.

X x x

What felt like an hour passed by. Already I could feel my joints cramped by my bunched up position. My knees pressed tightly against my chest, restricting the ease of my breathing. The pitch blackness did not help the sudden claustrophobia I was feeling.

_Be brave Rae…_I told myself. I have to stick this.

Finally I heard the muted thud of Kayami closing the front door somewhere out there. Then the trek of her feet as she made her way towards the car. I held my breath and clenched my fists tightly.

_Please God don't open the trunk._

An agonizing minute passed until I heard one of the car doors open and shut. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the engine roar to life. My heart pulsed in reaction to one of the most dangerous things I was about to endure. If my parents only knew…

The car began to move and I, confined to the trunk began to have second thoughts about this plan of mine.

Kayami wasn't hard to fool when she looked into my room and was satisfied to see old pillows and a wig stuffed underneath my covers to give the illusion that I was sleeping soundly in my bed and not stowing myself into the boot of her trunk. I should laugh at her stupidity, but I am too afraid of what will happen next.

The car was speeding at God knows what speed closer and closer towards Tomoeda. What the hell was I doing? What the hell would I even do when I got there? Take down Clow Reed?

I thought of Aunt Tomoyo…she must be turning in her grave.

X x x

**Sakura POV: Present Day**

I knew we had crossed the border into Tomoeda city when the howling and wailing of men and women became more coherent.

I tightened myself further into a ball and scanned the pitch blackness of my surroundings. I felt the car grind to an uncertain halt and Yue's door open and slam shut. In the trunk of the car I felt my heart race. Would he sell me out? Shit…maybe this wasn't a good idea. Could he still be possessed by the madness that we would still be together?

I heard the muffled sound of his voice mixed in with another. They spoke, laughed then parted ways before the engine roared to life and once again, we were moving into the source of the screams. I felt the car veer left, the left again until…silence.

I gasped when he opened the boot. The first thing I saw was his glare weighing heavily down upon me as I clambered ungracefully out of the trunk. Drops of rain hit my forehead followed by a bitterly cold wind. I shivered in my thin coat as I looked beyond the alley we were in.

It took a few moments for me to realize that we were indeed, in Tomoeda. The howls the echoed through the streets made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. The streets were flooded with rioters, ex-gang members, prisoners from Tomoeda city jail, and rival gangs. For the first time in a while, I was shaking out of genuine fear as I approached the end of the alley to have a better look.

Smoke and fog clouded some of my vision. I could make out fire from various locations. Prestigious departments broken into, smashed windows and looting flows with an unstoppable speed. The footpaths were crawling with the injured and bloodied as they hobbled along clutching onto the smoke covered walls. Cars sped wildly up and down the street with drunk drivers who proudly tossed petrol bombs out of any car window whilst howling drunken slurred chants of the age of Clow.

And the howling, the wailing, the screams….this was not Tomoeda, this was not the place I grew up in…this was hell…

"Yue…" I breathed and hobbled backwards. "…what is this…?"

"This is our doing." He gruffed and grimaced as if even he could not stand the sight and aftermath of our years of planning.

"But…I never thought it would get this bad. Yue…this is madness…how does Clow plan to control this? He can't, there's no way he can contain this mess."

Yue crossed his arms and inhaled the rank air through his nose.

"He can't. And he doesn't plan to."

I whirled round to face him. "What do you mean?"

He bit his lip, not wanting to tell me any of this. "Clow wants to exterminate ninety percent of this foul place. Burn it to the ground even and start again, under his rule this time."

"But how does he plan to do that? The people behind, all the addicts, the homeless, they won't leave."

"They will." Yue said with confirmation. "Clow has supplied the city with so much drugs laced with a concentrated dosage they're all bound to overdose, then we just get rid of the corpses."

"We?" I said knitting my eyebrows together. "Yue…you can't seriously want to be a part of all this?" I said with some horror.

He looked at me for the briefest second. It was a distant look that lay half empty. I knew what that meant. I had no right to show him concern. I lost any right to be a part of his life. Yue…I've completely lost him.

We stood among the worsening wreckage with nothing more to say. Nothing more on the agenda.

"Sakura." He said, instilling a semi panic in me.

"…Yes?"

"…Syaoran is being kept in the 'Diamond Tower' underground floor. He's being guarded by four security men. The only safe way of this island is by the warehouse of the old canal. Cross the canal and keep running to the next town, don't stop running, or you'll be killed."

I gulped and nodded. I knew there was only one chance I had here. One chance to find Syaoran and run. One chance.

I turned my heel to go but he caught my arm.

"Sakura, as of now, we are enemies. Do you understand?" He said sternly, locking his square jaw. His almost white hair flickered with the ashy wind. The grey eyes of my almost lover were never as fierce. "When we part ways, it's back to when we were rivals sixteen years ago. If I find you, I will kill you."

I opened my mouth to say something, any parting words that were suitable between us but…what was there left? What was there between us now? Nothing, only the hate that we caused and the hate that burned through this city.

There were no words suitable to end this between myself and my beloved Yue.

So it was best to say nothing…

I dashed into the hostile streets of Tomoeda, blocking out the hellish wails with one thing focused on my mind.

Syaoran,

Time was beginning to run out…

X x x

**Syaoran's POV: Present Day**

When I woke up my eyes refused to confirm I was still alive. They really went for that beating. I lolled my head backwards only for one of my eyes to lazily make out a dark grey ceiling with the faintest of faint lights.

"Is he awake?"

"I dunno, say something to him."

"No way, do you know how hard it was to take him in the first place, he broke my fucking nose if you didn't notice!"

"Just ask him!"

"You ask!"

"Fine, hey you! HEY YOU!"

I groaned let my heavy head fall back to meet two silhouettes peering over me.

"Yeah he's up alright. Go get the boss."

"K, why dya think he was so desperate for this guy anyway? He ain't got nothing to do with this whole thing anyway."

"I know but he gave specific orders to find this guy. I heard he was one of the main assassins of the Li organization. Under Meiling Li!"

"Yeah well, look where that old bat is now!"

They both had a laugh before one of them disappeared and shouted something to someone.

They specifically wanted me? What the hell for? Think Syaoran, what the hell happened anyway?

Then it clicked. I went to get stuff from the store then…then…then…

..

…

…FUCKING YUE!

I began to thrash against the chair violently and howled. That fucking PRICK! Sakura, Rhaya, oh God I have to get out of here. But I was bound too tightly. My wrists ached and the rope felt like it was sawing through my fragile skin.

Did Yue bring me here? Or was it Clow? Either way they both wanted me dead. But that didn't make any sense, why would Clow honestly seek me out this much? Was he that desperate to see the end of the last Li?

"Oh stop you're thrashing about Syaoran. Relax, you take yourself way to seriously."

I knew that voice, that slimy, sickly, gut turning voice that's haunted me for years with an essence of guilt. I tilted my head upwards to confirm my suspicions.

Takashi.

"You look pleased to see me." He smirked. That fucking smirk!

He was wearing a mustard coloured suit with a blood red tie, he seemed untouched by the madness of Tomoeda. But how…?

"What the hell are you doing here Takashi? I thought you would have crawled back to your gutter by now? Meiling's dead. Can't you take whatever's left of your life before Clow kills you too?"

He tossed his head back and let out an infuriating laugh. He curled his arms around his thin ribcage to stop himself from keeling over with some sort of sick joy.

"Oh Syaoran, Oh Syaoran how little you actually know. How little you all know."

"What are you talking about Takashi you think you're immune to all of this because you had your head stuck up Meiling's ass before she blew her brains out?"

"Syaoran, Syaoran, Syaoran," He said in a condescending way and placed his hand on my shoulder. I was too weak to shake it off.

"Can't you figure it out already? Can't you see that it was all me? The past sixteen years, it was all me…"

I opened my mouth, then closed it again.

He snapped his fingers. "Ah, but you've been preoccupied haven't you? I mean, finding your daughter and all that and of course your beloved Sakura, you've had your mind on other things."

I stiffened. How did he know about Rhaya? And Sakura.

"I always kept a close eye on you Syaoran. Always have." Then he shrugged and sat across from me with a glass of bourbon in his hand. He stirred the liquid and let a moment pass.

"Let me explain it to you Syaoran, I want you to understand it all before you die."

He took a sip and exhaled loudly before his cold grey eyes met mine.

"This day sixteen years ago, you took something very, very precious from me Syaoran. You know what that was don't you?" He said turning very dark.

I tensed. Chiharu, it couldn't be, he couldn't still hate me for that could he?

"Nobody cared though, did they? Not you, not Eriol, Not Meiling, Rika, Fanran, Sakura, even after a while, Tomoyo stopped caring. Yes you were all so perfectly content in living in your own bubble of happiness weren't you?"

"Takashi…You know if I could take back that day I would. But I can't, I was still a kid myself, I was doing what I could to stay alive. I'm sorry. I truly am. But you can't take it out on my family. Please."

Takashi sat there unfazed, seemingly more interested in the gold ring on his forefinger.

"Excuses, excuses, lies and lies…"

"I'm not lying Takashi-"

"Do you know that, to my shame, all I wanted was a friend at the time. I mean, I have to laugh when I think about it but I looked up to you and Eriol and the other guys. I just wanted that companionship, that fraternity, but no. You were exclusive, weren't you Syaoran. And since you didn't want to accept me, I filled up my utter loneliness with the one thing that was mine to have and love, Chiharu. But I couldn't keep that even could I? I was just sixteen at the time, not that you'd have cared."

I gasped. Sixteen? Takashi was sixteen when I killed Chiharu? That can't be? Yet, weren't we all young at the time? I myself was only nineteen. The weight of my sins became that much heavier. He was a child, a lonely child who didn't know himself the way the cruel world worked.

"Since that day. I made a plan. A plan that one day, you'd all regret what you did, how you all treated me. I would get my revenge on you all, on Tomoyo, Eriol, Meiling, Fanran, Sakura….all of you. And so far my plan is working. The only person I'm sad to see affected was Tomoyo."

My heart stiffened and my eye pained me as it tried to expand.

"You bastard…"

"I didn't _want _to kill her, but it was only thing I could do to get to Eriol. The only way to get blood from a stone. You understand right."

"You murdering prick!"

"I could say the same about yourself."

I bashed against the chair but to no avail.

"Please Syaoran, let me finish. Eriol managed to slip away from my radar unfortunately, and Sakura stayed well away from here. But I knew I could find a way to effect you all. That's why I started working close to Meiling, finding out her secrets, her plots, so I could sell them onto Clow."

He let his secret seep bitterly into my veins.

"You fucking bastard! You sold us out! All this time it was you telling Clow about our secrets! You TRAITOR!"

He laughed. "Yes who would have thought it eh? That I, Takashi, would manage to take down Li?"

"You won't get anything from this Takashi you know Clow will kill you as soon as this is over."

"I doubt that. I am the key to his success. He owes me, unlike Li, he will keep his word."

I spat at his feet which did not faze him.

"No matter, you will all die soon enough. Why, Eriol had led an army against Clow, one he will lose and unlimitedly die in, I've successfully brought you here which means that Sakura won't be long to find you here, poor little lose puppy." He snickered. "Oh as for Fanran."

He clicked his fingers and the doors opened. The two men that were bickering before came in dragging a body behind them. My heart stopped when I saw the dirtied golden hair of my sister.

"Fanran!" I roared but her body did not move.

They held her up by her shoulders but she remained limp and dead to the world.

"FANRAN!" I roared again desperate for a response.

"Oh I wouldn't bother with her. She tried to get away. Tried. She put up a brave fight alright, not a good one though." He grabbed her chin and lifted her head up. Her pale face was unrecognisable. Her eyes sunk into her skull and held a look of emptiness. Her athletic body was bruised and battered and starved to a child-like frame. My brave older sister, who always looked out for me, was dying because of me. It was only for the fact that her breathing was so jagged, so raspy, that I knew she was alive.

"Fanran…" I whispered with tears burning in my eyes.

"There's no point. She's drugged out of her mind. The same stuff Clow has supplied the city with. Its dosage is so strong, she'll wake up an addict, roaming the streets for the stuff, selling herself like the slut she is until she gets gunned down or overdoses. Either way she'll end up in the gutter."

I roared so loud I don't know how the ground didn't shake.

My head collapsed downwards.

"So you see Syaoran, there's no way out. All I have to do is sit patiently and wait for Sakura to come. And you know as well as I do Syaoran, I'm very good at waiting. Then, bang, bang, bang. And you get to witness it all."

I shook my head from side to side. Please Sakura, please don't come, don't follow me here. Just take Rae and run, don't stop running. Don't come back, please God don't come back.

"I forgot to tell you the best part!" Takashi said slapping his hands together.

He came over to me and with a pale finger lifted my numb head up so my eyes met his. His stare was different now; it was penetrating, hateful from sixteen years of waiting and brewing.

"When this is all over, and Clow established reign, I'll come for her. No matter how well you've hidden her, no matter which corner of the earth you've concealed her. I will find your daughter. I will find Rhaya, and I will kill her, slowly, and painfully. And when I see the last breath of something you hold so precious to you, something irreplaceable, something absolutely beloved, disappear from her body, then, and only then will I be at peace. Only then, will we be even."

"No…" I plea and sob, a desperate plea that disappears and lands nowhere.

He towers over me. Smiling, knowing that he would win, that his plan was falling so beautifully into place.

My sister lay face down on the floor beside me, her eyes rolling towards the back of her head. I was beginning to find no way out. No mercy.

… no hope…

"So this is it Syaoran," He said as he held a gold gun up to my head. The coldness of it serving as a heavy and heart numbing reminder that I've failed.

I closed my eyes, hearing nothing but the cock of his gun echoing loudly in my ears.

I've failed…

I've failed…

Rhaya….Sakura…I'm so sorry….

…I've failed…

…

….*BANG*

…

X x x

**Hopefully more to come very soon, only a few chapter left so stay with me!**

**R&R!**


	43. The Showdown

**Hey everyone!**

**So this is it, the final update! I'm so sorry it took me so long to do but I got a bit of writers block for a while. I hope you enjoy the conclusion and thanks if you stuck with me so far!**

**Gonna say it for the last time,**

**Hope ye enjoy!**

**Syaoan's POV:**

"So this is it Syaoran," He said as he held a gold gun up to my head.

This was it. Takashi's vengeance could be momentarily put to rest before he moved on to someone else. I sucked the stale air in one last time. His smirk still played on his face, satisfaction.

I promised Nadeshiko I'd protect her that I'd save Sakura from all of this, but I failed.

*BANG*

I winced, the gunshot ringing over and over in my ears, until a loud screech pierced the stillness. I didn't open my eyes, but I heard the thump. Opening my eyes I saw Takashi bent over in the foetal position, wincing and clutching his kneecap. His mouth opened and closed several times without any sound.

I caught my breath again and scanned my body with my eyes, observed the sight shake in my knees, my chest rising and falling in small staccato beats.

…I'm alive. But…how?

I lifted my head and made out a small silhouette standing under the dim light.

"Sakura?" I said sceptically.

Maybe I did die; maybe this was some sort of post-life hallucination.

"Syaoran!" She ran over and collapsed in front of me, throwing her arms around my neck and breathing me in as if she herself did not believe I was real. Her gun fell to her side with a heavy noise.

"Oh my God I thought you were dead!" She cried with frantic red eyes.

"How did you-"

She kissed me ferociously and passionately to silence my questions and withdrew was unfathomably sad eyes. "I really thought you were dead." Her fingers traced the bruises on my face. "I thought I lost you."

"I'm sorry," I replied knowing that it wouldn't help her fright. "Really I am."

Our moment was interrupted by the sounds of commotion above us.

"They're coming." She said as she began to cut the ropes of me. "I took down two guards outside. If we hurry we can escape."

Takashi groaned as he began to crawl at a slow speed towards his gun. Sakura lunged forward and grabbed it. She didn't hesitate to aim at him and with a scowl she pulled the trigger without a second though, only to find there were no more bullets. Takashi's eyes relaxed from their shock and he began to laugh.

Sakura turned the gun around a struck him at the back of the head into unconsciousness.

She ran to me and lifted me up with all her strength. My body was in no physical shape to run, or fight. I really was useless.

"Sakura, it's no good I'm too weak, you need to go back to Rae-"

"I didn't come all this way to abandon you." She said as she pushed me upwards and moved forward, bringing my weak body with her. As soon as she kicked the door down the shouting from above us became louder followed by the heavy gunshots. The sounds of so many indistinguishable footsteps plodded overhead made escape from here seem like an unrealistic dream.

"We'll have to come back for Fanran." She muttered looking back.

Fanran was still unconscious, her head lolled back and forth with her teeth chattering.

Sakura frantically swivelled her head all around with the same fear in her eyes. We might not make it.

"Sakura," I said taking her face into my hand.

She read the message in my eyes and began to shake her had from me hand. "no…no we didn't come this far to die! We can't Syaoran! We have her back! Fourteen years we've waited-"

"I know, I know. But in case this is it…"

A tear fell from her eyes but her head still slowly shook unwilling to accept this. I brought her small body into mine and we stood listening to the animalistic howls that resonated from everywhere. We flinched at the boom of a door break down. They were coming closer, it sounded like about twenty of them, their pagen chant becoming louder and louder until they started to attack the door in front of us.

The wood of the door keeled over with the force of their boots against it until it completely bust down and like a wild tribe they galloped into the dungeon and surrounded us with their guns. They held their guns with certainty; there was no messing with these guys.

"Syaoran," Sakura whispered, "They look, familiar."

I nodded and squinted at their dark blue head ties wrapped over their forehead. Before I could completely summarise it up, one of them stepped forward.

"Guns down!" He roared and the rest obeyed within a split second.

Eriol stepped out of the abyss of guns with his arms out. Sakura nearly collapsed with relief.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same." He said with the same commanding tone as if fourteen years never passed. "We saw them take Syaoran here so we launched our attack early." He was not dressed the same as the rest. He sported a rusty worn down coat and it has been a while since he shaved but, he still had his strong presence in hand.

In any situation, Eriol could always stay in control.

"Here?" I said in shock. "So that means…"

"The final attack is here, which means both of you need to get the fuck away from here now!"

Before either one of us could react Eriol shouted orders at the others and they dispersed with speed leaving only six of us. Two men picked up Fanran with little care or consideration. Fanran's eyes opened halfway dully and liked with a vacant expression at the ceiling.

"Be careful with her! She's been drugged." I scowled and the two men handled her with more care.

"Follow me." Eriol said and turned his heel quickly, threw his phones in front of his face and began to punch in numbers.

"Why are you staying here Eriol? You could die." I said only realizing the true nature of the danger around us.

"I have to lead the others. Besides," He said lowly, "There's nothing out there for me even if I do survive." Neither of us responded due to the dark intensity of his voice.

"This way and don't lag behind!" he said suddenly swooping down and dashing forward.

It wasn't until we were half way across the room that I noticed we were bang in the middle of a gun war. Blue versus black

The fresh air hit me so hard my lungs complained from pain. I leaned against the wall and slumped down. I was too badly beaten to handle this much stamina.

"Come on Syaoran you have to get out of here!" Eriol agitated.

"Give him a minute!" Sakura shouted back and leaned down to me. "Are you ok? We're nearly there Syaoran!"

I nodded but couldn't bring my body to move.

"Where are we going?" Sakura asked as she stalked towards Eriol. "Do you ever have a plan? How do we get out of this city?"

"Of course I have a plan! But I need to get you to the warehouse and from there I'll have a driver bring you outside through a secret tunnel we made!"

"Then what? What happens to you? What if you lose what if Clow comes after us?"

Eriol's stony sapphire eyes gave no response. He flipped a cell phone and began to punch in numbers.

"Eriol! Listen to me! You _need _to take out Clow! He's the key to all of this, there's no heir! Once you take him down, everything is over!" Sakura recited in frustration.

"Don't you think I know that already? God dammit we're trying but he's a hard person to reach. And you're wrong he does have an heir!" Eriol stated.

"What? Bu-but he never told me that! Who?"

Eriol's face darkened, hesitant for a while. The atmosphere shifted and Sakura's hands began to shake with the revelation that she wasn't informed of something; her knowledge of things was now altered.

"There's speculation that it could be Takashi or…" he paused.

"Or?"

"…Yue…."

I could hear her breath catch in her throat; hear her heart crack ever so slightly. Feel her pulse stop then quicken. Feel my own hands clench despite the pain. She still cared for him.

"Which means…?" She whispered.

"Which means," Eriol said with certainty. "He'll have to be taken out."

Her hand fluttered to her mouth.

I finally rose to my feet and grabbed her elbow. She got a shock, did she forget I was here? Guilt was ridden all over her face.

"Syaoran I…I…I can't just let him die-"

"Don't." I half spat through my teeth. "You are not risking your life to save him. Do you think he wants to be saved? Are you going to die and leave Rhaya for him!?"

"Bu-but-"

"There is nothing you can do Sakura. What's more important to you? Me and Rhaya or _him_?"

"You of course but...but…" She clawed at her hair. Her inner struggle to be good and to redeem herself was tearing her.

"We have to leave now Sakura. You can't save everyone. You can't…"

Her green eyes welled up. Did he mean that much to her? Was he really that special in her life before I came back? Did she… love him? The panic built up inside me. What was happening?

She looked back at the destruction that was swallowing up Tomoeda in an all-consuming fire. She locked her jaw and made stern eye contact with me.

"Let's get far away from this shit-hole."

As we staggered farther and farther away from the chaos I begged and prayed that we'd make this last hurdle, if only to see our daughter safe one last time.

X x x

**Rhaya's POV:**

An hour of chaos passed by painfully slow and I was nowhere near figuring out what I was to do. This was nowhere near my first experience of Tomoeda, nobody here was going to help me. I was a fourteen year old girl in the midst of the biggest gangland takeover in Japan. This was all staring to feel like a terrible, terrible idea.

The screeches and echoes from Tomoeda's hostages shot fear inside me to the point where I forgot how to act, what to do. How on earth was I going to find my parents? Putting my hood up I dived into the sea of people who were seeming to all flee the opposite way from something. But as desperate as the situation was people still made time for looting, harassing and stealing, picking this time of terror as an opportune moment. I kept my head low.

Slipping into a narrow alleyway I tangled my fingers into my scalp and panicked to myself.

_Think Rae, what would Syaoran do? Or Sakura? _

"Hey you…" said a dark and ominous voice from behind me.

Whirling around my eyes crawled up to meet a hooded figure glaring down at me through bloodshot glazed over eyes. His gauntly cheekbones gave away serious signs of his sinister character. Instincts told me to run, but the other murky silhouettes that appeared behind me altered that plan.

"Who's this then?" The other boy with a shaved head asked.

When I tried to break through a gap between them They shoved me back and began to laugh a slow drawn out laugh. My hood was ripped back and once revealed I was a girl, their smiles widened.

"How'd you wind up down here lil missy?" He asked and winked at me.

I felt sick with fear, a parent's worst nightmare that I stupidly walked into. They closed in on me in a tight triangle. With no weapon on me I began to think this was inescapable.

"Get away from her!" Roared a wobbly female voice from the alley entrance. We all swung our heads around to see a feeble looking woman with shoulders shaking but a strong enough stance.

"Our lucky day fellas! Who want's that one." He said throwing a finger at the woman.

"I said get away from her!" She said again but without any real threat. Even in a serious and life-threatening moment like this…I was a little bit embarrassed for her.

The tallest one stalked towards her with a sly smirk. After a two second stare off he punch her so hard she was knocked momentarily off her two feet. She landed with a hefty thud but had to time to recover as he kicked her severely in the ribcage. Cracking his neck and satisfied, he moved on back towards me. I realized the struggle I was in again and began to squirm to no avail. He placed a hand on the zipper of my jacket and began to pull it down painfully slow and no amount of wriggling and thrashing could get me out of it.

With tears in the back of my eyes I didn't relent until his hand paused before he reached the bottom. A gunshot pierced through the scene. The man made no sound, he simply dropped to the ground.

The other two men looked bewildered and terrified as the woman stood up with a smoked gun and intention in her eyes. The men didn't bat an eyelid before dashing off down the murky alley way.

The woman picked up a pair of glasses and settled them on the bridge of her nose and gave a small innocent smile that reminded me of a cat.

"N-Naoko?"

"Rhaya! My God what are you doing here! You have to get out of here." She grabbed my arm and began to tug me away but I marched my feet into the concrete ground.

"No I can't! I have to find my parents!" I said retreating from her.

"You're parents?" They're here? In Tomoeda!?"

"Yes and I have to find them! Do something!"

"Rhaya what can you do? You're just a little girl who got caught in this mess you shouldn't be here at all!"

"Don't tell me where I don't belong because I've been told that all my life! If I'm not with Sakura or Syaoran then I don't belong anywhere!"

Naoko looked at me with huge brown eyes and could see I'd never let up. I had to do this.

"Ok..." She said in acceptance. "But take this; I was never any good with it anyway." She said and slid the gun into my hand. Its weight was almost too heavy for my hand.

She closed her eyes, sighed and opened them while placing her hands on my shoulders. "I shouldn't be telling you this but, if your parents are anywhere they'll be in the Diamond Tower. That's where Clow Reed is controlling everything. It's heavily guarded so be careful. Clow Reed's overseeing everything on the very top floor… Be careful Rhaya." She said and gulped knowing well that she might have sent me to my own death.

She ran from me and disappeared into the stampede of people fleeing the city centre. I was on my own…again.

X x x

**Sakura's POV**

"Syaoran wait!" I suddenly said and stopped cold in my tracks.

Both he and Eriol came to a halt and looked back with exhausted, annoyed faces, frustrated with my slowing down of the pace.

"What's wrong?" Syaoran asked not even trying to hide his frustration.

"Something's not right."

They exchanged glances.

"What's not right?" Eriol said in a stiff voice.

I just shook my head slowly and looked back at the tight alley with trepidation. No, I could feel something was not right at all…

"Sakura," Syaoran said tugging at my wrist like I was a child. "We don't have time for this."

"I have a feeling Syaoran!" I said ripping my wrist from his hand and clawed a hand through my hair. Swivelling my head back towards the alley I bit my lip and felt the sickly alarm bell swirl through my head. "Where's Rhaya?"

"What? Sakura she's in the valley, safe, waiting for us come on!"

"Are you sure?" I said in panic.

My Rhaya has good traits, except that one of stubbornness inherited from her father. What if…would she…followed us here…?

"Sakura." Syaoran grabbed my shoulders and flashed his amber eyes into mine.

"Please," He said with desperation in his voice. "We have to go. We have to…" The pleas in his eyes alone tore my body into a fast walk behind him, but my mind remained queasy with the feeling that my 'safe' daughter could have been in danger…

X x x

**Rhaya's POV**

The Diamond Tower was not difficult to find.

It stood like a tall arrogant pillar, threatening the stars with its gigantic knife like diamond feature perched on top.

I imagined Clow Reed was up there, sitting comfortably and entertained by watching over the city's destruction as if witnessing a brilliant play unfold. I gulped. Am I really going to do this? What is _it _I am supposed to do? Do I even have the guts to kill him…?

Gun heavy in hand I gulped as I stared at the main entrance which stood surprisingly unguarded. On the monuments of two naked statues of Roman woman, there was blue and navy rags tied around their eyes. Eriol's army must have been here. And by the looks of it they have done damage to Clow's army. But still the diamond on top gleamed, smirking down at me.

With every shaky step forward towards the door I was cutting my odds of survival a little bit at a time.

I felt a moment of silence before I entered. The lobby was huge with a wide staircase the winded up to about thirty floors. It was too quiet except for the random shouts that came from above. I hunched my back down and rasped lowly.

"Sakura, Syaoran?" I didn't realize how much I was quivering until my knees began to buckle, and then I realized why.

I removed my foot from whatever I was stepping on and saw that it was a body. I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming. The face of the body was one that I didn't know, but it was covered in blood. In fact, there were so many bodies covered in blood. My screams escaped silently out of my throat without my control. So much blood, so much…blood…

Though I felt like I would throw up from the graphic sight, I forced myself to scan every single face. I felt a sickly queasiness a nano-second before I made contact with another pair of lifeless eyes. But thankfully, none of them were Syaoran or Sakura.

Suddenly faint echoes came louder as someone was approaching from the corridor.

I crept behind a fat red velvet curtain and through the loud thudding of my heartbeat I could pick out pieces of what they were saying. They were Clow minions.

"Oh yeah, two of our whole east patrol gets wiped out and does Clow bat an eyelid? No…just sits up there drinking his whisky…" They were pissed off. Errol's rebels obviously had a massive damage effect on them. The other continued

"…jokes on him…Eriol rebels killed most of our defence…surprised Clow hasn't been taken out yet…all alone up there on the top floor…behind those big brass doors…"

When they left I slithered out at glanced up the staircase to the top. That's where he was hiding, that's where it had to end…

X x x

It was as if lady luck was tip toeing behind me.

The further up the stairs I went, the closer I came to Clow Reeds hiding place. I fortunately didn't run into anyone.

It took fifteen minutes for me to make it up to the top floor. The further up I ventured, the bloodier the scene became. A few scattered bodies laid still but I could tell the blood was still fresh. I eventually arrived on the very top floor and heard the vacant thus of a disco beat.

I pressed my back against the cold dry wall and peaked in at the ajar door beside me. All I could make out was the strong strobe light that flickered rapidly. A thin body was hunched over the other, reaching for something.

"Kayami?"

Kayami whirled around baffled at being startled.

"Rhaya? What are you DOING HERE?" She said with more alarm than I liked.

She made her way around the little circular tables which were scattered around the room. She slammed her hands on my shoulders and with panicked, widened eyes she badgered me with hundreds of questions.

"Rhaya how did you GET HERE? Don't you know how dangerous it is? You can't be here you just CAN'T!" She clawed hands through her hair as if my presence was a bad dream. "How did you-I mean, oh my God if Clow Reed's army doesn't kill me your parents definitely will-"

"It doesn't matter how Kayami! I need to find my parents! Where are they!?"

Kayami bit her lip and ran her eyes over the bruises developing on my faces. Only then did I notice that Kayami's face was flawless and heavily made up with smoky eyes and blood red lipstick. She was even wearing a tight red lace dress that stopped at her thighs. She looked…amazing…

"Kayami what are you…" I trailed off when I noticed that there were other people in the room.

All of them were men seated in a semi-circle, and they were dead. I was about to ask Kayami what was going on but stopped myself when I saw that one man in particular had his trousers down to his ankles. I flushed with embarrassment. Kayami wasn't lying when she said that her way of killing was through the fine art of seduction.

"You have to get out of here." She said and grabbed me by the wrist.

"Wait!" I said restraining, "What happened here? Where is everyone?"

"Most of Clow's army have been captured here by the Hiirigazawa rebels. But reinforcement might come and you don't want to be here if that happens."

"Stop!" I tugged away. "Where is Clow Reed? We can't run from this?"

"I wasn't going to until you show up. He's through those brass doors upstairs and I'm going to finish him but you have to get out of here first."

Kayami turned to tug me again despite my resistance. We got about two feet away before the worst could happen.

*BANG*

The shot was so booming that I had to recover from the sound before scanned my body for a wound. My heart pulsated and down the long narrow hallway I made out a figure I didn't recognize. He was a thin man with a bland face and the closer he came I noticed his broken glasses just about hanging on to the tip of his nose. His suit was heavily creased and obviously affected by the ruckus that was happening in the city. He wore a crooked smile as his pale hands clutched a huge revolver in his hands.

"So _you're _going to stop Clow Reed I hear? Such a pretty face." He snickered looking over at Kayami who was lying on the ground glaring up at him. "We could use more high class whores like you on our side. Maybe I'll consider it when we takeover." When he laughed I could see the gauntness in his cheeks. His whole thin frame looked like it would give way to the weight of his rifle.

"Mr Tsukishiro…" Kayami said lowly. "Didn't think Clow would honestly keep you around for so long."

He took a threatening stride towards her. I shot up onto my feet, painful as it was, and stood between him and Kayami. He scowled at me with his mean yellow eyes before snapping into some sort of strange trance. He momentarily lowered his gun a fraction as he stared intently at me with some bewilderment and confusion.

"Sa…kura-"

"Rae, duck!" Kayami yelled from behind me.

Before wasting a semi-second I dropped to the floor. My body slammed against the glass littered floor the moment before another shot was fired, square in the middle of Mr Tsukishiro's head. He stood with his head facing the ceiling, eyes still wide as if trying to see the hole in his head to scrutinize it, before knocking backwards like a freshly cut log.

"That was close wasn't it?" I huffed and brought myself back to my feet. I dusted some glass shards off my body. "...Kayami?" I called when there was no reply.

Kayami's eyes were shut. I froze as she appeared so still.

"Kayami!" I threw myself by her side and shook her.

Her eyes hazily opened, then slid down. I felt for a light pulse, which was thankfully present.

"Rae, are you ok?" She said roughly but still keeping her feminine lightness. Her thick black eyelashes looked too heavy to keep her eyes open.

"I-I'm fine b-b-but what's wrong with you?" My voice was wavering in panic.

Finally I looked down and pulled my hand away from her stomach. My fingers almost glued together with the texture of drying blood. She was hit by Tsukishiro. I could barely make out the wound at first as it got lost in her beautiful dress, a tragic feature. Then, after a few moments it seems there was more blood than dress. She was dying.

"Kayami, I'm going to get some help!"

"No!" She rasped and clamped a hand on my wrist. "No, Rae, it's fine, it's….my….time…"

"But Kayami-"

"I want to die now," She stated with sternness. Then a weird smirk played on her lips. "especially when I look so damn good." She laughed the wheezed. "Yes…now is good…I did what I could…I helped…didn't I? I helped Rae…didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did." I said feeling more sadness for her then I thought I ever actually would. I've barely known her two weeks, yet I could say with confidence, I would miss her.

She smiled. "You'll tell Syaoran, won't you? You…tell him…that I helped…won't…you?" she said with some worry.

"Yeah, I will. Thank you, Kayami." I said and bit my lip.

She seemed oddly content with dying knowing, that she did good. Not really to me, or Sakura, or to the organization she grew up in, but only for Syaoran. Maybe she was more devoted than any of us actually knew.

I turned from her before I witnessed her take her last breath…

X x x

My hands began to sweat as they curled around the brass door handle.

I put a shaky foot forward and immediately felt a chill shoot up my vertebrates and into the hairs of my neck. What strange universal force possessed me to stand inside Clow Reed's office? The man who has brought nothing but pain and misery ever since before my very existence. This was so wrong yet I knew in my heart of hearts, I had to be here. It was nearly too easy, like an inescapable fate, I was just bound to happen.

The air was musky and felt altered at this grand height. The room was dark with an ignorable presence radiating out from the walls. The deep maroon carpet made no sound as I placed another uncertain foot forward. The door slammed behind me which made me yelp and go rigid.

I slammed my hands over my mouth and listened to my echo resonate throughout the huge room. Looking around I could see no one present. My eyes landed on the massive window that overlooked the whole city. I side stepped over to the gleaming lights that hummed from the outside in a yellow glow.

…

….

…..

It was only when my breath fogged up the window did I notice how close I was. From here, it was easy to feel like a king, to feel detached from the darkness that was happening below. Then, at closer inspection I saw that those light which captivated me were deceptively blended in with the fires and smoke of the riots. Even though I was so high up, I felt I could hear and feel the screams that lingered below.

I stopped to notice a glass of brown liquid, presumably whisky, sitting still and silent. I felt something in my pocket, and then something poked around in my mind…

This was wrong, this was so wrong…

"Enjoying the view my dear?"

Every muscle in my body tensed. My neck was almost too strained to turn around to make out the figure in the dark. He stood tall and intimidating yet his voice was like silk.

As he came into view the first thing that struck me about him was the sharpness in his eyes behind his circular glasses. His silvery grey hair hung like a curtain around his shoulders. He hobbled forward on a walking stick into the light. I didn't even notice him come in the door.

My breath was caught. I didn't need and introduction. I knew who he was before he even drew breath to speak. Despite his grand-fathery smile I could feel my bones chatter with fear. He could not fool me. I could sense the evil within him; it lurked under that false smile.

"Why don't you sit down?"

He slowly etched forward, wobbling only a little. My heart raced as he neared but he wavered away towards his desk. Despite his injury his back was straight. He halted at the window and gazed at it with some queer spark in his pale blue eyes.

He shook his head. "Such a pity, one must wonder how humanity can let itself become so vile and twisted."

My mouth was agape. He turned to me and smiled, his eyes crinkled.

"You are much too young to understand what is happening now. But when the worst is over, you'll receive the benefits of the new regime." His smile was so disturbing, so…maddening… "It will be a peace you would never have thought possible until my organization came...redemption for Tomoeda."

I staggered backwards…almost losing my footing altogether.

Finally, I found my voice. "Re..wards…?" I said meekly and flabbergasted. "Benefits!?" My voice came out stronger this time, and angrier. "H-how can you possibly think what you are doing is good? How is this REDEMPTION!? Can't you hear!?" I roared and threw my hand towards the window. "Can't you hear the screams from down there? Can't you see the dead bodies that are piling up on the streets? Or are you too cosy up here!?"

I didn't know I was roaring until my voice bounced of the four walls and faded out. Mr Reed laughed a small humoured laugh. How sick…

"Oh my dear, it is a shame so many had to get caught up in this. But you are far too young to understand. This is merely a cleansing. There is too much evil in this city and it has spread like a cancer and if it is not exterminated from the inside," His eyes flashed malevolently, "It will spread and cause terrible chaos."

I took a step back, "You're a sick, sick person. You can't just kill people like that. You can't its wrong!"

"And what would you know of true right and wrong? Locked up in your little valley? What do you know of evil when up until recently, you've only gotten a glimpse?" His words were not stern or agitated. They hurt but his smile was sending messages I couldn't interoperate. Was he merely stating facts or patronizing me? I questioned his evil nature. Was I just over hyped?

"How did you know about the valley?" I stuttered, losing my nerve.

"You've been sheltered. You can't possibly know that this city is lost. There is no going back for these people. I will rebuild Tomoeda from scratch and restore it to the nobility it once had." He said as he eased himself into his chair. Had I not known any better, I would have thought of him as a world-class grandfather incapable of harming a soul.

I began to shake my head. "You want to kill everyone."

"No, no, everyone had a chance to leave. Those who stayed made their choice." He said and nodded to himself in agreement.

"Some of those people are poor, they have nowhere to go!" I argued.

"Oh Rhaya," He said with a smirk and shook his head as if I were a child throwing a tantrum. "I don't expect you to understand. After all, you're mother had speculations too."

I was about to make a comeback when his words stopped me.

"H-how to do you know my name?"

He picked up his glass, smirked, and stirred the glass in small circles, brought it to his lips, but put it down last second.

"Oh Rhaya, I know everything. About you, about your father, especially your mother."

I balled my fists. How could Sakura work for the likes of _him_?

"Oh your mother, she was loyal to me, never failed me, followed this plan up until the very end, but slipped up on the last hurdle. Dragged down by that cursed father of yours."

There it was the, evil in his eyes. His true colours came out with the very mention of my father.

"She tried to keep you a secret you know. And for years it worked, but she became careless. I knew something was up. And I don't like secrets. Those damn Li's! Always interfering, always ruining everything starting with Xiao Lang Li who deluded your mother into prolonging her plans which led to her death!" he brought the drink to his lips and sipped it not even wincing.

I was struck with fear.

"Ahem, excuse me. I tend to lose my temper now and again." He apologized and crossed his legs elegantly.

"So many people have died. So many...of…my…friends…" I felt my eyes tear up. Kayami, Tomoyo, what about Fanran? Or Naoko? Or…my parents? Once again I would become an orphan because of this war. It separated my parents; it caused so much…grief even stretching to my grandmother.

He was going to kill everyone for the sake of his 'cause'. I reached into my pocket. I felt the gun heavy and unsuited in my hand. I pulled it out slowly and laid it by my side.

Instead of flinching the way I wanted him to. He smiled amusingly.

"And what, pray tell, are you going to do with that, little girl?"

I gulped as I raised it upwards towards his head.

"It doesn't suit you my dear."

My hand began to waver, he was intimidating me.

"When you glare, you look like your mother. She was the best I've ever seen you know. She once stood like you are now. Alone. I took her in, she became the greatest. And she could have made it all the way, could have…"

"You're wrong; she was saved the moment she chose to stay with us. She was never going to go through with you. Besides, I'm not alone; I have my parents, whom despite your best efforts, have found each other and me. You couldn't even keep us apart and when you're gone, we'll live on despite you."

He sat back, unfazed by my confrontation. This man was evil, he had to die.

"You take me back. You're just like your mother." He gulped back his glass, leaving a little to slop around the bottom. "I think you'd do well here…you…have a stronger aura than your mother… you could be …my greatest asset." He said as he examined me like I was a new addition to a promising business.

"I will NEVER be a part of this! This ends with me!"

He threw his head back and laughed a loud but disturbing laugh.

"End with you?" He raised his eyebrow, challenging me as if it were all a game. "Listen to me child, you won't shoot me, because you're afraid. You're afraid of everything. The BANG, the blood, weight of guilt…you won't do this, you can't. You don't know how." He smirked. "But you have guts, and it is admirable. But revenge is so primitive. It will only work against you if that's your goal."

My hand shook uncontrollably, the gun's nostril quivered from his forehead to the window behind him, unable to keep a solid aim. I replayed shooting him over and over again. I've seen it done before by Syaoran, on the streets, but could I do it? Am I…tough…enough…?

It had to end with me. It WILL end with me.

"Rhaya," He said with a sympathetic but patronising smile. "It's ok. This is not in your nature."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know you're not capable of killing someone so brutally. You cannot stop what is inevitably going to happen. I will have Tomoeda. My plan will follow through, but you," He cocked his head to one side to scrutinize me. "Your fate does not have to end tragically. I can…help you. I can take care of you Rhaya. You would be safe; Tomoeda will be a place where you can prosper. I want to help you. I owe this to Nadeshiko."

My breathing caught. Was history repeating itself? Was I being recruited just like my mother was fourteen years ago? I could hear faint echoes of the destruction in the city. If I didn't find my parents, would I become another body lying in the gutter? Is death the only way out, or was Clow the only solution?

I dropped the gun by my side and bowed my head.

"I-I can't shoot you…I want to but…I just can't do it." I said defeated. "It's not in my nature."

Clow displayed a satisfied smile and clasped his hands together as if we resolved a business meeting of my destiny.

"Don't beat yourself up my dear. You are only a girl. You are an innocent one. If you obey me and apply by the rules of the new regime, you will be taken care of." He beamed and celebrated by down his glass.

.Drop.

I balled my fists together and rose my head up to meet his eyes.

"I said I couldn't shoot you, that doesn't mean that I still can't finish you. And I finally have."

He narrowed his eyes in confusion as he put down his glass. He turned his head a fraction to the side and his lip twitched upwards in some sort of amusement.

"Hmmm, you are not willing to shoot me, how will you 'finish' me. I'm intrigued…"

I blinked twice and breathed in.

"A good friend of mine, who is now dead, told me that an assassin does not always need the use of guns, they're primitive and savage. Sometimes the most deadly form of murder is silent."

"And how, pray tell, is this mysterious way accomplished." He said enjoying our little game.

This time I formed a sly smile on my lips and shrugged, feigning innocence.

"Sometimes suffocation, slit to the throat…." I paused. "Or an overdose of poison slipped into the glass of an unsuspecting warlord terrorist organization leader."

The mood was still; my words were digesting very slowly, but effectively in his ears. I saw his eyes, which were on mine, twitch downwards to his now empty glass which he had emptied. In my pocket I clutched the empty clear bag of poison Kayami gave me back in the Valley. Its contents were now swirling about inside Clow Reed's belly…

I saw a flash of panic bolt in his eyes. Panic was not an emotion that befitted his smooth demeanour. He brought the empty glass to his face and inspected its insides. His hand began to twitch when he realized the possibility. My little gun charade had distracted him long enough from noticing anything.

"No…HA! No, a child…defeat me? ME! Hahahaha! Impossible! You're bluffing, just like you're mother, you can't defeat me!" His calm voice began to sound cracked.

He stood up and his hand smashed the glass into the desk, sending shards leaping across the room. Blood cut his hand deeply but he did not notice. He balled his bloody hand and looked at me with a maddening look.

"Silly…little…girl…" Strands of his grey hair covered his face and I could only see one deranged eye glaring at me. "Did you think I would fall for that one? Did you!? DID YOU? I am CLOW REED! You CANNOT DEFEAT ME! You're lying! Poison? HA! Such lies! I still stand here alive."

I stayed rooted to the ground, not moving a fraction, not giving away that my heart was pounding.

"It takes fifteen minutes to flood your lungs, then to shut down any vital organs, give it time Mr Reed, why don't you sit down?" I said in a dead tone.

Clow Reed and I stared each other down. Neither of us giving in. Minutes ticked by, it was a standoff. Neither of us gave in for a second. I began to think that I had failed. What if the poison Kayami gave me real? Or a fake…? Did I not succeed? Would Clow walk free and undefeated like he claimed?

Then, finally, I saw him waver. He coughed a small insignificant but ignorable cough. Then again, then in the space of a minute, he ruptured into uncontrollable wheezing.

His legs gave weigh and he collapsed into the chair behind him, clutching his chest. His mouth opens wide, trying to gulp the air around him. Then came the gurgling, his arms waving around him as if caught in a psychological earthquake, he couldn't stay rooted to the earth.

He thrust his body onto the desk with a heavy and frightening thud. His face curled up from under his arm. I then saw blood dripping from the corner of his mouth like a fat red tear. He managed to smile malevolently. The blood stained his teeth.

"Brought….down…by…by a-" He gurgled and gasped violently. "By…a….g..gi…girl…HA!" Blood spat out from his mouth. Even from my distance I felt some of his blood splatter my face. It felt as if it could burn into my skin like acid.

"You…you…would…have been….my… …assassin…ha…haha…hahaha…I'm…impr..essed.."

Then he groaned and convulsed loudly…then silently…then did nothing at all.

He was dead.

It…was….over…

I realized that I did not move a muscle the whole time. I stood stiff, wide eyes, barely breathing while I witnessed Clow Reed's last breaths. I thought I could still feel his blood tingle my cheek. He lay there, going cold yet I still felt that if I relaxed, he'd shoot up straight and laugh his sickly gentle laugh, wipe the blood from his face and applaud my efforts. I think several minutes of silence passed before I registered that there was no coming back for Clow Reed.

I heard a movement behind me. I gasped and whirled around. I was caught.

Yue stood there with an expressionless face. His hands were in his pockets and his rifle was padded against his back. His white hair was pushed from his face, leaving his intensely grey the centre of focus.

"You…killed him." He said. He didn't say it out of surprise or anger. But more like a statement of fact.

He took a step forward and I jumped back. It was all too good to be true. There was no way I'd get away with it.

He got closer but then derived away from me and over to his desk. He leaned against the edge and looked down at Clow's silver hair. Yue's fingers touched his head softly and he had a sombre look on his face. A weird atmosphere came over us.

"Are you going to kill me?" I whispered, already guessing the answer.

Yue didn't look at me. He kept his eyes fixated on Clow.

He sighed. "I should, shouldn't I?" He sounded passive. Uninterested with me or the situation at hand.

I gulped; this would indeed be the end.

Yue shook his head slowly and closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds. "Oh father," He said. "You've made such a mess."

F-father? Clow Reed was Yue's father!? My hands fluttered to my heart. Did Yue witness me murder Clow? But then why did he not stop me?

"He made me his heir." Yue muttered addressing me. "I was the sole heir to this madness. Now that he is gone, I have duties to fulfil. And obligation."

I gulped. If only I had been swifter, if only I was brave enough to shoot him.

"You don't have to Yue. You know this is wrong too don't you? Please…you don't have to do this…"

Yue sighed again and said nothing. "An obligation is an obligation is it not?"

"Obligations are what caused all of this in the first place aren't they? Criminal leaders taking the place of their fathers, then becoming chaos."

I saw Yue smile for the briefest of moments. "I never liked this shithole of a city. Neither did Sakura. I loved her so much." He laughed. "It'd be a shame to kill her daughter I suppose wouldn't it?"

Again I gulped. "Then don't."

He nodded and hung his head down low. "That simple huh?"

I nodded and felt my chest grow heavy. "That simple."

He paused again and looked out at Tomoeda. There was a sort of calmness settling. The fire blazes hummed down but the sounds of riots and howls still lingered. I could see in Yue's eyes that he knew; he knew the distinct difference between the right and the wrong. Maybe he just chose to ignore it. Not only that but I saw that in his silvery grey eyes, that there was a tiredness that weighed him down. A tiredness that started a long time ago and drained him. He was fed up with this. I knew. Fed up with the destruction and turmoil that was around him.

"HA! I've only been proclaimed leader of the Clow organization three minutes and I think I want to retire already." He said suddenly. "There doesn't seem to be anything in this dump anymore." Then he looked at me. "There is a secret tunnel that leads out of the city. It's by the warehouses of district 19. Your…parents should be still there. If you run now, you can catch them."

My ankles twitched to sprint away but… "Why are you helping me?" I asked.

"Because dollface, I'm tired of being…bad. And if I can help Sakura…in any way…I'll sacrifice anything."

As I backed out of the room I took one last glance at Yue. He slumped into the chair opposite his father's corpse. In his right hand he lit a cigarette and let a puff of smoke thicken around his face. And with his left hand he poured himself a glass of bourbon. Looking out on Tomoeda with his feet up on the desk, I don't think I ever seen Yue so carefree in all his life…

x

**Normal POV:**

When Rhaya left, there was a poignant silence left.

Yue was all alone now, not that that really ever bothered him anyway. He looked across at his father, who remained so distant from Yue his whole life. There was no fatherly love. Yue's only existence was to fulfill Clows place in the likelihood of death. How strange, he though; he felt no remorse for his dead father, he only felt without a purpose.

Sakura never even knew Yue's relationship with Clow.

Yue never complained. Love was a factor he always lived without…until recently. Sakura had thought him differently, though it was unconventional fucked-up type of love, it showed him that there was more than grim deeds in the world.

Hmm…But where was he to go from here? Tomoeda was burning from the ground up…where would he even start? Did he even care? He puffed his cigarette and pondered on the freeing thought of leaving Tomoeda.

His ears twitched, he heard the subtlest of coughs. Turning around he saw the door was ajar.

He walked down the corridor, hands in pocket when he saw her.

He raised an eyebrow and knelt down to inspect her. He smirked.

"Well doll, aren't you pretty?" He said eyeing her red lace dress.

Her head lifted with great effort to look at him. He knew that look. Like him, she had no sense of purpose.

She mumbled. "I…did good…I'm ready to…die now…" Kayami was disorientated, unable to be coherent.

"Oh no babe. We're too good looking to die now." Yue smirked as he tucked his arms underneath her body and lifted her effortlessly.

Kayami didn't realize what was happening. She just was happy to feel the warmth of his chest against her cheek as he carried her out of the building.

"I..don't have…anywhere to…go…" She whispered in pain.

She felt him shrug.

"That makes two of us babe." Yue remarked as he walked into the abyss of Tomoeda, disappearing into the chaos.

Wherever he was going, at least he had company…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	44. Boiling Point

**Normal POV:**

Sakura tapped her foot impatiently and munched on her bottom lip.

What was the delay? They needed to go. Time was running out.

She flinched when Syaoran's hands came to cup her face softly. They're eyes interlocked and Syaoran could feel her trepidation.

"Relax, we're going to be ok. I promise." He reassured.

Sakura couldn't even answer for a while. In his solemn amber eyes she saw his good intensions. He wanted so badly to believe in his words, so did she.

"Something's wrong Syaoran." Sakura whispered and eyed Eriol in the distance making phone calls. "I can feel it, something…just isn't right. Rhaya-"

"She's safe Sakura. Remember? You left her in the valley right? We're going to get her and move far, far away from here, from Japan even. We'll be a family, even if it kills me."

Sakura hesitated again and fought with the aching in her heart. Whenever she thought of Rhaya, she felt immediate discomfort and antsy.

"I just want to see her. I just want to know-"

"I know, I know. And you will. But for now we just have to trust Eriol to get us away." Syaoran repeated. He couldn't help it though, he was also feeling anxious to see Rhaya. He needed to confirm with his own eyes that she was safe.

"God dammit I NEED those cars NOW! I don't care hold off that raid for a few hours and get over here!" Eriol fumed and ran a hand through his lengthy black hair.

He was stressed beyond compare. He was running this whole rebellion by himself and taking time out to get Sakura and Syaoran out. Every time another bomb blast went off Sakura's hand clutched Syaoran's tightly. For the first time in a very long time, Sakura was frightened. But for the first time in a while, she had someone.

But her mind sometimes wandered to Yue. Would he really be safe? Would he actually take Clows place? She shook her head to get rid of those thoughts. She couldn't let Syaoran know that she thought of him.

She promised herself that if they left Tomoeda, she'd forget about Yue. She would relish in her new life. They would start again.

There was somewhat of a dull calm before the storm happening in the city. Every time there was a period of silence, Sakura and Syaoran were at their most agitated, waiting for the worst to happen.

Eriol came off the phone and paced back and forth mumbling to himself. He stopped and looked at them with a surprisingly apologetic face. Fanran lay against the wall. She was still trying to regain consciousness. Sakura kneeled beside her and examined her pasty face. The drugs were still surging through her veins. Sakura became increasingly worried. She needed to get to a hospital quickly.

Sakura looked up at Syaoran. His wounds were deep too. If he didn't get medical treatment, Sakura feared the worst.

"I'm trying. But I will get you out of here before they come." Eriol said.

"They? What do you mean they?" Syaoran said restraining his voice.

"They will find us if we remain here for too long. But let's be optimistic."

Another few antagonizing minutes went by.

Finally, in the distance they could all hear cars coming their way. From the alleyway two sleek black cars with falsified number plates pulled out. Eriol exchanged brief words with the men and then nabbed the keys from their hands. Sakura jumped to my feet as he neared.

"These are your new passports, identification, birth certs, everything. There's one for you, Syaoran and Rhaya. There also enough money in there to keep you going. As soon as you get medical treatment, you need to get out of Japan ASAP. Talk to as few people as possible and keep your heads down."

"Business as usual." Sakura said with certainty.

"Exactly, now get going." He said as he went over to pick Fanran up.

Syaoran stumbled to his feet and hobbled over to them. Sakura aided him and whispered. "It's actually happening, we're getting away-"

Sakura's ear twitched, making her stop mid-sentence.

"Did anyone else hear that?" She asked.

Eriol and Syaoran stayed silent and listened out for something.

"Sakura, I don't hear anythi-"

"Shhh!" Sakura hushed and ducked her head to listen.

"…Sakura…Syaoran…"

"I head that," Eriol said easing Fanran into the back of the car and pulling out his gun.

The sound was resonating from the alleyway behind the warehouses. Footsteps rose as the person neared. Sakura also drew her gun and waited.

"Sakura! Syaoran!" The voiced yelled again in desperation.

"Th-that.."

"That's Rhaya!" Syaoran exasperated wide eyed. "But there's no way…how?"

The three of them waited and sure enough, little fourteen year old Rhaya emerged out of the mouth of the alleyway like an unbelievable mirage. Sakura and Syaoran stood stunned as their daughter came nearer and clearer. Rhaya's coat was torn and tattered and she was smeared from head to toe with blood. Rhaya's face broke into a smile as if the realization of seeing her parents was a beautiful dream.

Rhaya was ten feet away to being reunited with them; her arms began to stretch out, waiting to call the assassin life to an end.

In a split second her faint laugh was overshadowed by the roar of a car engine that swung around the road opposite them. Rhaya did not even turn her head fully around to identify the car when-

*BANG*

The impact of the bullet hurled Rhaya back and before she hit the ground the car skidded between Sakura and Rhaya.

Sakura scream floated in the air as she fell to her knees and looked at the spot where Rhaya use to be. Despite the danger Sakura leaped to her feet and sprinted around the car to where Rhaya was.

"Rhaya!" She screamed as she turned her daughter over and out and arm under her neck to support her. "Rhaya, Rhaya? Rae? Talk to me Rhaya PLEASE!" Sakura wailed with tears flooding her eyes.

Rhaya's eyes slid open only half way and her pupils looked dully upwards.

"Oh God, please, please no…" Sakura said frantically wiping Rhaya's blood matted hair from her face. The bullet appeared to have gone into her chest, near her heart. It was bad. It was very, very, bad.

Syaoran stood frozen still. The scene on front of him was indigestible. Rhaya, she was only running towards them with relief half a minute ago…now…was she…is she…?

"Rhaya!" Sakura screamed again trying to desperately get a response out of Rae.

Rhaya's breathing began to frenzy and become heavy. Sakura didn't even scan the bullet wound, which was firmly lodged in Rhaya's chest and a circular stain of blood began to grow larger.

"Sa..ku..ra…" Rhaya said.

Sakura nodded as her tears began to fall off her face. "Yes, baby, it's me, stay with me. You can't leave me yet. You can't go. I've fought so hard to keep you safe. You can't leave me ok. I love you so much and you're going to be fine, just fine, stay with me baby…"

Syaoran's breathing was making him dizzy along with his pounding heart.

"Rae…" He breathed.

As soon as Syaoran took a step towards them, the car in front of his opened. Takashi stepped out with his smuggest grin. Dry blood was streaked down his neck from when Sakura knocked him out.

"Takashi you bastard!" Eriol roared and bulled in front of Syaoran to shoot Takashi.

*BANG*

Eriol recoiled backwards when a second shooter appeared. His gun fell out of his hand and onto the cold hard cobbles.

Kero emerged behind the car and kept his aim on Eriol.

"Syaoran. We just keep running into each other." Takashi said turning his attention onto me. He was destined to always find me no matter what. Of course this never could have gotten settled unless Syaoran and Takashi eventually came head on.

"You…this is too far even for you Takashi." Syaoran spat through my teeth.

"I must admit I have outdone myself." He laughed and patted himself on the shoulder to congratulate himself.

"Take your business up with me Takashi leave my family out of this!" Syaoran fumed but winced in pain. He was still wounded

"Oh Syaoran, but you see, your family has everything to do with this." He said with a twisted grin.

Kero turned to see Sakura lulling to a dying Rhaya. "Sakura? What are you-"

"Don't forget who you work for Kero! She's the enemy." Takashi spat and glared at him coldly.

Kero looked up with his typical confusion. He looked from Takashi to Sakura and furrowed his brow.

"But its Sakura…we're not going to kill her."

Takashi rolled his eyes. "Always were soft weren't you Kero? That's why I only gave you one bullet." He smirked.

Kero found that indeed, his gun was empty. He served his purpose of taking down Syaoran's man power. Kero stood baffled but at the mercy to Takashi's gun.

"Takashi, I'm begging you, please. Let them go." Syaoran's voice shook. He was on the verge of desperation. "I'll do anything you want. Anything. Just don't hurt them please, please Takashi…"

"Anything…hmm, can you bring me Chiharu back? That would be splendid." He said with a darkness in his voice that Syaoran knew only too well.

"Takashi," Syaoran's voice cracked. His damn past, his mistakes that he thought were so minute then, have come back to haunt him in the most tragic of ways. "How many times do I have to apologise? Don't hurt my family…I'm begging you…I'm begging you…"

"Oh come now Syaoran, stiff upper lip. Don't let your manhood down at the final hurdle. We're here to settle this aren't we? Once and for all?" He said cheerfully.

Then Takashi's mood suddenly darkened.

When Takashi looked at Syaoran, he could not see the desperation of a pleading man. He saw only the creature that took his Chiharu. The love of his life, his reason for staying alive and hating every moment of his miserable existence. He had become so twisted, so vile with hate and resentment over the years that he turned into a creature that he himself wouldn't recognize.

"Takashi, you don't have to do this. You don't even know why you're doing this anymore. Chiharu is gone and I'm sorry but there is nothing I can do about it. I took her away, yes. But I was young; I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't care for anything then. All I saw was the twisted world of Li and that was all I lived for. But now…" Syaoran broke off and looked at Sakura, who was still humming small pleas to keep Rae with her. "Now I have everything to live for. I'm not the same man I was Takashi. I know I've hurt you and I can't make it right but please…don't take my family. They're innocent. Do you think you're doing this for Chiharu? Do you think she'd want this?"

"Don't TELL me what MY Chiharu would have wanted!" Takashi exploded and stabbed the gun in Syaoran's direction. "Don't you ever say her name you SCUM! You are nothing but a selfish piece of trash! I've done my time waiting!" He roared and scowled. "Oh yes, I've done my time waiting Syaoran Li, waiting for the perfect moment to get my revenge and let me tell you, this moment will be sweeter than I could have ever imagined."

Takashi gripped his gun tighter but didn't pull the trigger.

Then he turned the gun to where Sakura and Rhaya were.

"Don't!" Syaoran yelled.

But his plea only made Takashi smile with devious glee. Takashi pushed the gun to the back of Sakura's neck. Sakura, up until then seemed completely oblivious to the whole scene. She shivered and shut her eyes tight when she felt the ice cold gun flirt with her neck. Her arms tightened around Rhaya, whose consciousness was decreasing slowly.

"Takashi please…" Syaoran felt tears burn in his own eyes.

"Oh yes Syaoran, that's good, cry, let it all out, cry your heart into two." He laughed and stroked the back of Sakura's head with his free hand.

"Takashi come on! You can't do this man, you can't kill them-"

"Stay quiet Kero! No one asked you! It's between me and him!" Takashi hissed at Kero. "And if you so much as take one step towards me, I'll blow her head to smithereens and you can personally pick up the pieces!"

Kero stayed silent. He cast an apologetic look to Sakura. He wouldn't risk adding anymore danger to the scene.

Syaoran prayed that this was a nightmare; he couldn't lose them both now, not when they were all so close to a happy ending, not when the universe fought so hard to reunite them.

"Now Syaoran," Takashi said and tucked a greasy strand of hair behind his ear. "It's simple. I want you to beg. Beg me to spare them, like I begged you not to kill Chiharu, humour me. Beg me over and over, knowing yourself that they will die."

Syaoran could not even speak. He was going to lose them. His everything, his world, all because of his past mistakes. He had to do something, he had to stop him! But there was nothing to be done, nothing that could be said to sway Takashi's mind. Takashi was too far gone to take in and reasoning, and logic. His goal of revenge was so strong that he lived for nothing else, only for Syaoran's suffering.

"Sakura…" He said completely broken.

Sakura raised her hear and locked her emerald eyes on him. Her face was surprisingly calm, but her eyes were red and watery with trauma. She smiled a soft angelic smile.

"It's ok Syaoran. It's ok. I love you, always have, always, always will. No matter what happens, I will always and forever love you." Through the tragedy of the circumstance she could still smile, still love him even though he couldn't save them.

Syaoran's voice caught in his throat. He couldn't respond. He loved her more than words could say. He loved their precious daughter they had made together. He loved the short beautiful week they spent being all that they could be. He failed to keep his promise to Nadeshiko to protect her.

Syaoran's eyes fell on Rhaya. That child had brought so much happiness into his life this past year. She was so perfect despite her awful fate she was forced into. She could have been happier. She should have grown up to be rebellious, to fight with Sakura and Syaoran about their strictness only for them to make up. She should have finished high school and college, she would have been so smart. She would fall in love and Syaoran should have had to feel the heartbreak for watching move out and have a family. She could have had kids, made them grandparents, and every little thing in between.

He thought he should have told her he loved her, even from the second she showed up at his door. He always loved the daughter that came into his life. He should have been there more, he should have…protected her…

"Sakura…I...love you." He choked on his own words, realizing that this could be the end. His Sakura, fourteen years lost, but made up in their short time. His better halves. Sakura and Rhaya were two-thirds of him. He would never be complete without them.

Takashi flashed a look of annoyance. He didn't want this; he didn't want words of love. He wanted begging, he wanted whimpering, and he wanted to feel satisfied. But what Sakura said, what they said to each other…it was ruining his plan.

His gun cocked back. "I hate to interrupt this sentimental shit but..." He pushed the gun deeper into Sakura's head. Sakura closed her eyes and buried her face in Rhaya's neck.

"I believe I'm a man of my word…say goodbye Syaoran." Takashi smirked with a newfound gleam in his eye. At long last, the final moment of revenge…

Syaoran and Sakura simultaneously held their breath. This was it.

..

…

…..

…

….

*BANG*

x x x


	45. The Love we Fight for

**Normal POV: **

Syaoran's tears flooded out from his shut eyes. He couldn't look as he heard the body slump to the ground.

No…he thought. I refuse to accept this…she's not gone…she can't…be….

"Didn't you know Takashi…I'm also a man of my word."

Syaoran swirled his head backwards and saw Eriol lying on his back but with a smoking gun in his right arm and clutching his would with his left. Syaoran's heart pulsated and tried to break out of his chest. He turned his head around and saw that there, lying as still as a corpse, Takashi's body. A perfect hole square in the centre of his forehead.

"E-Eriol…?" Syaoran didn't even recognize his own voice.

Eriol smirked. "They didn't nickname me 'the Shot' for nothing." He rasped and laughed a short laugh before gasping in pain and clutching his chest.

Syaoran looked back at the now dead Takashi, and beside him, Sakura still knelt with Rhaya in her arm. She was…still alive.

The shock of this grabbed Syaoran by the legs. He lost all feeling in his legs and fell backwards unable to digest it all.

"Syaoran!" Eriol said and grabbed him by the collar with the last of his strength. "Syaoran don't just sit around and wonder how you got to be the luckiest fucking bastard in town and get out of here now!" Eriol barked to his friend.

"Eriol, t-thank you. Y-you saved them when I couldn't-"

"You're wasting time now go! Now!"

"We can save you too-"

"No Syaoran." He said in a softer tone. "No I- I'm going to die now."

"No Eriol-"

"There's no choice in in Syaoran." Eriol said and revealed the mass of blood already lost. Eriol was too far gone. "I want to die now Syaoran." For the first time in such a long time, Eriol showed a genuine smile of happiness. "Takashi's gone now, I can…I can be with Tomoyo. It's finally over…" Eriol gasped with happiness.

Syaoran nodded. "Eriol, you've been such a loyal friend…thank you for everything you've done…thank you…"

Eriol nodded. "And you, save Rhaya. She can't die Syaoran. This can't have all been for nothing…it can't." With those words Eriol loosened his grip on Syaoran and flickered his bright blue eyes to the stars. His thought were only of Tomoyo, they were only ever of Tomoyo. The eyes seemed to sparkle with closure. He closed them softly…and forever.

"Syaoran!" Sakura called with a broken voice.

Syaoran snapped his head up and ran over to her.

"Syaoran we're losing her she won't respond she won't respond!" Sakura grabbed him for support and shook her head furiously, refusing to accept these circumstances. "We can't lose her Syaoran we can't she's all we have. We've just found each other we can't lose her."

"I can get help!" Kero said desperate to do something. Syaoran nodded and Kero took Fanran into the back of one car and sped down the tunnel for any possible help/

"Rhaya! Rae!" Syaoran shouted frantically and pressed a hand over her wounds. "Rae no, come on your stronger then this! Rae!"

"No, no, no" Sakura hummed unable to accept this. "We love you Rhaya please don't leave us Rhaya…please don't…"

Rhaya's eyes lifted but seemed half vacant, unrelated to the world around her. She was slipping…

"Wake up Rhaya!" Syaoran roared and touched her face. "We've just found you now WAKE UP!"

They're pleads were getting them nowhere. Rhaya just stared back at them with her eyes seeming to dull, only blinking slowly.

Rhaya's wounds were getting worse, staining Sakura and Syaoran's hands.

They begged, and they begged, they were so close, they were so close…This couldn't all have been in vain. They just couldn't lose her. It wasn't an option…

"Rhaya…" The pleaded, "Rhaya…"

X x x

**Rhaya's POV:**

It feels like I'm floating.

I can't control this weightlessness. My vision is failing me. But I cannot mistake the outline of my mother's face; those beautiful eyes, her scar. All I can see is her. And now another figure appears. It is Syaoran. His amber eyes, identical to mine are blazing with a new found passion I have never seen before.

They are speaking to me, or are they shouting? I can't distinguish words and phrases.

But they are sad, in turmoil. It is over me? Am I dying right now? I can't tell. I can see the blood on me, but I don't feel the pain. Was I really shot? Am I already dead?

Why are they crying? Don't cry. I want to tell them not to cry. But I can't. I don't have any control over my body. I'll be alright won't I?

My vision is worsening. Now their faces are blurring.

I can't hear them anymore. But I can read their lips.

'Don't go Rhaya. Please Rhaya, don't leave us….Rhaya…Rhaya….Rhaya…'

I think I can feel myself slipping away now. I don't want to die. Not just yet. Not when we've found each other.

I can see something else now. Their hands, they have intertwined. They hold onto each other with and unbreakable bond. They have…found each other. I know, I just know, they will never be torn apart again. They are once again, Sakura and Syaoran. They will never be apart.

Yeah, I've done what I was supposed to do…I have brought them together…Can I possibly have wished for anything more given the circumstances I was born into?

And behind them I can make out stars that shine through the blackness of night.

If I am to die, is it really that bad? Have I not served the ultimate purpose that Aunt Tomoyo sent me on? Have I not…given it my all?

I smile. I can't tell if they can see it but, inside I'm smiling. This was it, this was closure. All the questions I have asked, they have been answered.

I'm losing more blood now…I guess in this grim world; there are no perfect endings…

I still don't want to die though…I don't want to….go…

I have to fight, I have to fight…

In my final moments of consciousness my thoughts fled back to the morning of my fourteenth birthday, when Tomoyo placed that cake with those perfect wish-granting candles in front of my then innocent face…

_Identity, the thing that defines us._

_It was something I always craved, to be someone. A name and not just 'another person'_

_But in some ways of life I found out, identity is unwanted. To be another number, a ghost, a shadow unseen and unheard, known to nobody can be most desired. But to be this nameless face has its consequences, an absence of the most wonderful thing…love. _

_But in this story, love finds its way into even the most forbidden things._

The love between my parents has penetrated into the evil of this world. Through all costs, the universe was on their side, with me as their medium.

_I never thought I'd seek closure on who I was. Not just in appearance and features, but in my heart._

I am Rhaya Li. That was my closure.

_And through the piercing sparkle of the stars I saw faces which I was now struggling to identify but I prayed they were smiling. _

_A foggy darkness begins its slow descend on my eyes but through this I saw something flicker beautifully…a candle, with that with I laid on it for my fourteenth birthday…_

_And there was my wish…_

…'_I wish I could see my parents…together…'_

_And again I smiled thinking that maybe …there was such a thing as happy ending in this cruel…and grim world…_

…

…_.._

…_._

…

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

**THE END**


	46. Epilogue

**Rhaya's POV: 6 Years Later…**

I cannot begin to describe the events that happened after my near death experience.

Not because I don't know how, but because I still to this day find it hard to put it in perspective.

I never thought after that day that I'd breathe in such fresh air, or feel the bristles of soft grass between my toes, as I do now. In fact, every day seems to be an unbelievable stroke of luck that at any moment could be taken away.

I should explain.

When Takashi shot me, my survival was nothing more than an absolute freak accident caused by pure coincidence and an overdose of lady luck. I mean, how else can you explain that out of all the places on my body, the bullet decided to strike the titanium plate of my mother's chain that I was wearing? The bullet struck through the plate that read my mother's identification number 'S.K 103' and acted as a cuisine for when the bullet hit my breastbone and lodged itself there, missing my heart by half a centimetre.

I lost a lot of blood, but nothing that would prove too fatal. Whenever I asked my mother about it, which was not often, she sometimes would shake her head and say nothing, and sometimes she would just hug me for a minute and whisper. 'I really thought I lost you.' And that would be it.

We do not speak of it that much, for obvious reasons

A freak coincidence is it not?

My father says it was due to the 'luck of the Li's' mixed with my cunning traits that I inherited from his side.

My mother says that the universe was working overtime to look out for me.

As for myself, I'm not sure what to believe. I could barely remember the day itself. Maybe I was delusional, still traumatized from the event, but whenever I think back to it, I can only see Tomoyo. I could feel her warmth and her glow. In my heart of hearts I always felt like she had something to do with my survival. Then again, maybe I really was delusional. I think it was enough to be thankful that I was still alive. The doctors said my survival was one in a million, a miracle.

I escaped with only a circular scar on my chest, a reminder, that no matter what, I must never stop fighting. Never.

I was taken to a hospital outside after I passed out but quickly discharged under my father's urgency. At that point, it was dangerous to be anywhere near Tomoeda.

I'd like to say that after we drove far away from Tomoeda our troubles were over, sadly that wasn't so. We spend what felt like months and months driving from town to town, city to city, never settling. The fear of Clow still lingered and anytime we felt suspicion of being caught, we fled. Eventually we left Japan altogether.

Then we were crossing borders like crossing from sidewalk to sidewalk. Then inevitably, the money started running low. That's when the tension increased. The food ran low too. It began to take its toll on Syaoran too. My parents argued a lot back then. About money, food, housing, rent, anything. Sakura hated moving as much as I did. She wanted to stay in whatever place we were, she hated the fact I wasn't in school. Places that we actually stayed long enough in I was enrolled in school, only to be taken and moved before I could introduce myself to anyone.

Sakura found it hard to hold down a job considering her Chinese was not excellent. As for me, Tomoyo only taught me a basic level so I found it hard to get by on a daily basis.

Syaoran was too twitchy anywhere we went, always suspecting our identities to be blown. That led to an unnerving atmosphere between us all. The worst was when they fought. It didn't matter what sparked it, but in the end, it always came down to Kayami and Yue. The jealously was the worst.

I began to think that we'd never settle. I thought this would be my life forever moving, never to call anywhere home.

Then finally, we ended up in a small sleepy town near a coast in Taiwan. We found a house that was falling down but with my father's eye, we transformed it to what is now, for the past four and a half years, my home.

Things have settled drastically since we came here. Sakura got a job working as a receptionist at the local Private Doctors office working nine to five, five days a week. A simple job that, in comparison to her previous line of work, was surprisingly rewarding to her. Syaoran started off working at a mechanics working odd hours fixing cars working with tools and parts. After two years and with good relations with his boss, he ended up owning the whole mechanic shop altogether. A small business that kept a steady income. By no means was it similar to car chases or assassinations, but hey, it was normal.

And that's what we thrived on here, normality.

No one batted an eyelid at us. We even have neighbours who drop by from time to time. Imagine that! I've never had neighbours before. Whenever anyone mentions us they usually reply, "Oh, they're the Li's. Nice family they are."…and that's it.

It wasn't just us who were fortunate enough to revel in a new life. My mother, bring the ever so clever woman that she is, always thought ahead.

A week after we left Tomoeda, Kero reunited with Fuutie. Fuutie stuck my mother's parting instructions and waited by that bridge every day until one day, Kero and Fanran found her. Reunited at last, they settled pretty quickly in China. Kero and Fuutie married in secret and two years later they visited us which gave my father the time to get to know his long lost sister.

Fanran never lost touch either. She actually returned to Japan, but far away from Tomoeda. She lives with her now husband, an owner of a small bakery where they live a simple life with her now one year old daughter. Fanran calls me all the time, and in fact, after persuading my parents, I was allowed to go back to Japan to see her. We were all the only survivors of this. And yet, we've all managed to move on.

We're low key, we're average…we're perfect.

Well…almost…

It wasn't easy to forgot the demons of our past

Those few times that we travelled from place to place where I was enrolled in school, I found that my social skills were not up to scratch. I became extremely reclusive and totally dependent on my parents. I found it difficult to be apart from them to the point where I acted out. I had inner frustrations that I took out on anyone and everyone. I just couldn't shake the chip off my shoulder.

I was a fifteen year old girl who was denied a chance to be a teenager, to rebel and complain about the problems of a girl my age.

After a while my parents came to the conclusion that I that I was seriously repressing events that happened in the past. With all the moving and problems that came after Tomoeda, I never actually spoke about what I did…or saw during the troubles.

Then it came out. I told them about sneaking into Tomoeda and what I saw, about the boys in the alley who tried to use me, about seeing Kayami be shot down, about Yue and eventually, what I did to Clow Reed. It was strange telling them. It was even stranger hearing it from my own lips. Recalling the poisoning, his blood on my face…and everything else in between. It hurt to remember these things, and then analyse them. Sakura concluded that I was still in some form of shock from it. After all…I was fourteen at the time.

They surprisingly didn't judge my actions. But they couldn't believe that I took down the biggest terrorist in Japan, or how I did it.

I had a sort of breakdown. My parents supported me through it and I know that they blame themselves for my burden. Even now, six years later I wake up some nights in the dead of night with sweat dripping all over me thinking that I was still in Tomoeda. Or from nightmares of Clows death.

I killed someone. Someone evil yes, but I still have blood on my hands.

I didn't go to counselling, how could I explain that I was traumatized over killing Asia's greatest terrorist? To name just a few problems. It was a slow and steady process but my parents dragged every little detail out of me. I don't know when I began to heal, or when I began to feel normal. I started going days without thinking of Tomoeda at all, now it rarely pops into my mind. It is as if that part of my life was just a terrible dream, almost like it never happened.

But there were always subtle reminders.

Today marks the sixth year anniversary of the Hiiragizawa triumph over the Clow organization. After two months of restlessness the city was declared safe again, although the ruins and rubble made it unliveable. Thousands of people from both sides lost their lives, and within them, Kayami, Tomoyo, Eriol and Naoko were victims.

Thanks to Eriol's rebellion, Tomoeda was forced to look at itself, which inspired change and progress against crime and underworld drug lords. The streets became cleaner and the police force was re-evaluated, re-named the Hiirigizawa-Tomoeda Police Force.

We never talked much about the actual events of Tomoeda, only the good memories, like how me, Sakura and Syaoran, through some strange unfolding of events, prompted mainly by Tomoyo. To think I always assumed I would grow up in the Valley my whole life, how different it all turned out.

"Rae Rae!" I hear a tiny voice being carried across the wind.

I scan my eyes across the green hills back towards my house, which nestled on the outskirts of the town.

I bit my lips and furrowed my brow while trying to put a face to the voice. Then, over a bump in the green hill I saw his unruly brown hair bop up and down until he came into view. His short legs struggled a little to get over the last bit of the hill.

He huffed a little as he neared me and with his little pudgy hands he grabbed my finger. Tilting his head back his huge green eyes looked up at me in that innocence that I hoped would stay with him forever.

"Rae Rae look what I found!" He said as he presented daisies and a dandelion strangled in his fist. His big green eyes sparkled.

"Eriol, they're so pretty. Come on, bring them with you." I encouraged and brought him by the hand.

When we arrived at the headston, my heart sank just a little. It's a place I visit often, but even after a while, I still feel some sadness.

One big headstone, beautifully carved,

'Here lies Tomoyo and Eriol Hiirigazawa,

Who have done more for us than we know,

Never forgotten,

Always in our hearts'

I knelt down on the grass and pressed the tips of my fingers against the letter graving. The wind whispered into my ear. I could feel her presence now and again. Or maybe, again, I was delusional, or wishful.

Of course, they were not really there, buried in their ground. I guess we all just wanted something to remember how much they have helped us. How could we forget them? I miss Aunt Tomoyo every day. I wish she could see me grow, like I'm sure she always wanted to. I was twenty now, an adult, would she be proud of me now?

Sakura sometimes spoke about her as if she just lived somewhere far away, too far to visit, but not so far to be forgotten.

As for Eriol, the man I knew for what seems like too little, he saved my life, and my parents. Syaoran was chocked up about losing his best friend for a long while, even until today. Sometimes-

"Vrooommmmmmm!" Little Eriol said as he pushed a little blue toy car across the grass in front of the headstone.

He lay on his belly, feet kicked up into the air with his head resting on his hand. He talked lowly and cutely as he pushed the toy car back and forth. "I broughted this car for you Uncle Eriol, cause eh- cause daddy said that you like blue so I, so I brought you the blue one." Little Eriol said to the headstone. "And, and I'm gonna leave it here, so you can plays with it whenever you want to."

My heart swelled. For such an annoying little four year old, he could be the most adorable little brother. He turned his head and looked with his pure green colour eyes and asked. "Do you think big Eriol will like it?"

"Of course he will. He'll love it." I beamed.

Satisfied, he gently placed his mini bouquet of daisies onto Tomoyo's side. Little Eriol, when he was born we all simultaneously felt closure. With his face a wee, pudgy carbon copy of our father, our mothers eyes, and a gentle nature that can only be related to that of Tomoyo's, he was born of pure innocence to the evils of our past.

We got a shock when we found out my mother was expecting him. He wasn't exactly planned. But he was also times really well. He came along not so long after our house began to feel like a home. In fact, he completed it. He was appropriately name Eriol, after the man who has done so much for us. But anytime that name was mentioned we didn't know to whom was being referring to.

Hence, 'Little' Eriol caught on very quick.

I've never seen my father so happy in all his life. I could understand. He was able to be there this time. They both were. Every moment of his life was a sweet blessing. From his first steps, to his first words, to his mannerisms. It was like a second chance to my parents.

Of course at times, I felt a tiny sting of jealousy to think that this could have been me. I could finally see how I could have lived my life as a family with them. But there was no point to in pondering on the if's. I had to train myself to not live through hindsight.

Little Eriol has brought so much joy to my life too. Not to mention that I'm the coolest older sister in Asia.

He would not know of Tomoeda, he would not know of the assassin life, he would never be robbed precious time of his life due to past demons. He would only know of the simple life we have here. He would know only of his loving, doting parents and sister, and our constant love and presence. There would be no sadness anymore, we finally moved on.

"Rae Rae," He said suddenly appearing I front of me and placing a small hand on my cheek. "Why are you so sad?" A little worry line creased his smooth forehead.

I laughed to settle his insignificant worry and poked him in the belly.

He laughed such a sweet laugh and fell over. As soon as he hit the ground he rose back to his feet and ran in circles, shooting his arm out like a plane. He was so normal, so perfect, he had no worries. He dashed any fear in me with that smile.

"Rhaya! Eriol!" Sakura called somewhere in the distance. "We're going to be late come on!"

I stood up from the ground, a little taller and fearless now. I glanced over at Little Eriol, who stopped twirling and stood beside me. He smirked our fathers smirk, understanding the challenge.

"I bet I can run faster than you." I teased.

He took off ahead of me and I ran slowly behind him. He squealed with such joyous laughter as we disappeared from sight back to the place we called home.

There were no questions anymore, no more riddles or mysteries to who I was.

The curious fourteen year old inside me was now free to be happy and celebrate in this freedom that engulfed me so.

I knew who I was.

I am not a nobody, I am not a lost soul, or an orphan. I am not the assassins' daughter anymore.

I am Rhaya Li, I am found,

…and I am free.

X x x

**THE END**

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**Thanks so much if you read this story. I've been writing this for three long years and I can't believe I actually finished it! Regardless if you reviewed or didn't I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it :) **

****There's a possibility if I get time that I might write a sub story to this focusing on other minor character (i.e Eriol/Tomoyo, Yue/Kayami/Sakura, Nadeshiko/Xiao Lang Li, Takashi/Chiharu etc...) Within different time frames, but that's just a thought ;) ****

**I'm going to be studying in China next year so not sure if I will be writing at all until after them but trust me, I've a few more stories in mind! :D **

**Anyway, once again thanks for reading and if you feel like dropping a review, do! **

**Thanks guys!**


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